Batman (1966) s02e44 Episode Script

Penguin's Disastrous End (3)

NARRATOR".
When we last saw Batman and Robin they were locked into suits of armor and about to be pressed into paperweights by a giant hydraulic crusher.
In just one moment we'll see the crunching finish of our adventure.
Batman.
Robin.
How did you get in there? The Penguin evidently loaded us into one of your scrap trucks.
But of course you couldn't have known that.
How did you manage to stay alive inside that crusher? It develops a hundred thousand pounds of pressure.
Fortunately, we were able to reach our Utility Belts where we always keep our emergency Bat air pumps to pump up the Batmobile's tires.
You mean you countered the hydraulic pressure with air pressure? As the crusher increased its pressure it automatically increased the counter-air pressure and we were able to maintain a small safety space inside this scrap-metal cocoon.
It's lucky you think fast, Batman, or both of you would have ended up as paperweights.
Obviously that's what Penguin intended when he put us inside your scrap truck.
I think it's time we scrapped him.
I think so too, Robin.
I think so too.
Now, let's get that priceless armor into the safe.
Why do we have to put it in the safe, Pengy? Don't you trust us? - You got any more stupid questions? -Uh, no, boss.
All right, then close the door.
And lock it, fink.
Now, where is that dizzy filly of soul and her dizzier aunt, huh? I'm not so sure I like being called dizzy, darling.
And I'm not sure I like all those bumpkins cluttering up my nice cave.
Where have you two been all this time? Out looking for old toads, darling.
You did say you wanted one of Aunt Hilda's potions.
Absolutely essential as a grand finale to our diabolical caper.
Well, I don't know if I'll make it for you.
Barging in here like a rude gang of rowdies.
Oh, don't be angry, Aunt Hilda.
After all, Penguin has no place else to go.
No, aunty.
You wouldn't want a poor, homeless bird thrown out into the street, would you? - Quack, quack.
-You're lucky I'm softhearted.
Run along, darling, and make your potion.
Pengy and I want to talk.
Mm.
Frankly, Pengy, I don't see why you need Aunt Hilda's love potion to break into the subtreasury building.
Why? Because those guards are as dangerous as sharks, that's why.
There's $10 million worth of gold in that subtreasury.
Why don't you just use the suits of armor? That worked once.
It won't work a second time.
No, we need your aunt's famous love potion to demobilize the guard.
And once we're inside the vault, then what? You'd need a railroad train to move that gold.
Once we get inside, we'll use the plans I stole from the Hexagon.
- Ah! - Ha-ha-ha.
Oh, dear.
My lizards are gone.
Gone? They must have escaped.
Unless those thugs ate them.
That's hardly likely, darling.
Are the lizards essential? Not as essential as the toad, but the potion won't be as strong.
It has to work.
We can't take chances.
Now, now, don't get yourself in a stew, Pengy.
- I think I'll give the potion a little help.
-How? You've heard of my famous dance of the seven veils, haven't you? Well, with my dance and Aunt Hilda's potion, we'll have an unbeatable combination.
That swindler.
Throwing the Dynamic Duo into a scrap truck.
I'd like to throw him into a scrap pile.
Rock pile would be more appropriate, chief, since there is one at Gotham State Prison.
Unfortunately, this won't get back the medieval armor or the military papers he stole from the Hexagon, gentlemen.
According to General MacGruder, Batman when the Penguin broke into Room Z at the Hexagon all he took were some old plans dating from World War ll.
With all the top-secret documents in that room, Penguin just took outdated plans? That's right.
Now, what would he want with them? Did General MacGruder say what plans were taken? No, those old plans were taken off the inventory lists years ago.
It will take the Army many years to check back and find out which ones were stored there.
But it only took the Army hours to supply us with those special metal-piercing bullets in case Penguin tried to use those chain-mail suits again.
I'm sure Penguin won't try that trick again.
But the problem is to decide which trick he will try.
And where will he strike? And how do we get back that priceless armor? And on top of everything else, the police switchboard is flooded with calls about hundreds of lizards running around the Murray Park section of Gotham City.
Lizards, Chief O'Hara? That's right, Batman.
And weird ones they were too.
Robin, do lizards ring any bells for you? Marsha's aunt Hilda.
I suggest we take a trip to the Murray Park section.
NARRATOR".
Meanwhile, in the basement of the subtreasury building $10 million worth of gold bullion is being carefully guarded.
Boy, this sure is a boring job.
Nothing ever happens here.
Yeah, it's pretty routine.
Who'd ever think of breaking into a subtreasury? That gold's too heavy to move anywhere.
You hear anything? Yeah.
Hey, you there.
Put your hands up.
That should take care of them for a while.
All right, finks, bring that stuff in here.
Quick.
Quiet.
Come on.
At least 20 people reported seeing lizards come out of this manhole, Batman.
Yes, Robin, and I think we'll find what we want at the other end of it.
There is no honor among thieves, Robin.
Batman and Robin.
How did you get in here? Put the Batcuffs on him, Robin.
Oh, you'll never crack that safe, Batman.
Just put your hands in these and cut the comments.
You did it.
It's not difficult if you have steady nerves and a good ear qualities destroyed by the tenor of criminal life.
Well, the laugh's on you, Batman.
That's nothing compared to the haul he's getting now.
Heh, heh.
- And what's that? - Well, he's-- Oh, no, you don't, Batman.
I might steal, but I don't squeal.
And like the Penguin says, after this caper, Gotham City is gonna be in the soup.
Thank you.
You've just told me where Penguin is.
- What? -Clip his cuffs to the safe door, Robin.
While we make a fast trip.
How did that remark tell you where Penguin is? It wasn't what he said, Robin, but what Penguin had said.
You mean about being in the soup? Knowing the Penguin's twisted mind, he could mean only one thing.
- Soup? -Name a few, Robin.
- Chowder.
-Mm.
- Stew.
-Mm.
- Ragout? -Mm.
- Bouillabaisse.
-Mm.
Bouillon.
Bullion.
Exactly, old chum.
Bullion.
Penguin is undoubtedly at the federal subtreasury at this very moment.
And I'd better call Chief O'Hara.
- F our.
-F our .
- Five.
-Five.
Hurry up.
Hurry up.
How much longer is Penguin going to take? I'm down to two veils.
I'm just getting warmed up, darling.
- Six.
-Six.
Good.
That's the last of it.
Come on, Aunt Hilda, let's go.
- Oh.
Really, dearie? -Really.
Oh.
- Oh, no, Marsha, don't go.
-No.
Marsha, we adore you.
We won't let you out of our sight.
That's very sweet, darlings, but I really must be going along.
- No, no, Marsha.
-No, no.
Here, dear.
A little something to remember me by.
Come on, aunty.
Excellent performance.
Your audience is still spellbound.
It's a good thing you finished.
I was beginning to run out of veils.
And love potion.
Batman.
How did that fink get off the scrap heap? Never mind that now, darling.
We'll be on the scrap heap unless we beat them into the vault.
There they are, Robin.
We missed them.
On the contrary, Robin.
We didn't miss them at all.
I see what you mean, Batman.
He's got the gold, but we've got him.
Are we too late, Batman? No, chief, we're just in time.
Where's Penguin? That's beautiful, Batman.
What an ironic end for that crook.
But he never should have gotten in here in the first place.
- Have you got them, Batman? -Yes, commissioner.
And this time I don't think there's much chance of them slipping through our fingers.
Not through three feet of steel, there isn't.
- Did you send men to that underground cave? -Yes.
We've recovered the armor.
And it won't be long before we recover Penguin.
There's only enough air in that vault to last a couple hours at most.
I can't wait to get me mitts on that cackling bird.
It's been six hours, Batman.
How are they breathing inside there? Ah.
Ah.
How much longer? It's gonna take a while yet, Pengy.
It's a big job.
Don't worry, we can stay in here as long as we want.
Only thing is, if I keep having to listen to that, I'll go straight.
Can't you make her stop? Aunty only gets nervous in closed rooms, darling.
This keeps her occupied.
Eugh.
Not worth the price.
Why don't you try biting your nails? Penguin could have carried tanks of compressed fresh air inside with him, but that's not what worries me.
- What, then, Batman? -Why, commissioner? Why? Why did Penguin let us trap him so easily? I'm sure it has something to do with those plans he stole from the Hexagon.
- Whatever they are.
-But he couldn't possibly escape, Batman.
Why, even if he blew a hole in the wall, I've got 200 men stationed outside.
I'm sure that you and your fine force of men in blue can handle anything in the realm of the ordinary, chief.
But I have a hunch Penguin is cooking up something quite out of the ordinary.
Robin, do you have your Bat-sound amplifier with you? Sure, Batman.
Holy stereo.
Listen to this.
This is the third day Penguin and his henchmen have been holed up inside the subtreasury vault.
Three days, Alfred.
Imagine that.
What can he be doing inside there? I imagine that our law-enforcement agencies are asking the same question, madam.
What could that mangy creature be doing in there? I wish I knew, chief.
And what's he doing for food? I wish I knew, commissioner.
- And what's he--? -I wish I knew, Robin.
Pass the paprika, dearie.
Mm, mm.
This is the best batch of toad stew I've ever made.
Somehow I don't think the men are too enthusiastic about your cuisine, darling.
I don't see why not.
Do you know how much vitamin B there is in the average toad? No.
Just twice the daily minimum requirement.
Well, what's for dinner tonight? I'm starved.
Huh? Let me see.
On.
Agh.
Not again.
Can't you cook anything else? Do you have any idea how much vitamin B there is in the average toad, darling? I have a feeling that Penguin will make his move very soon.
Whatever it is, Batman, we're ready for it.
I'd like to check the outside of the building again to be prepared for every eventuality.
Well, Pengy, we're finished.
Finished? Ah, let me see.
Let me see.
It's beautiful.
It's beautiful.
Heh.
That Batman thought he had me all wrapped up.
That should teach that Caped Codfish something.
Never count your Penguins before they're latched.
Everything looks shipshape, Batman.
Even if he blows his way through the wall, we'll nail him before he goes ten feet.
Yes, it would seem that way, but I'm still worried.
Listen.
What's that noise? Holy armadillos.
Take cover.
A solid gold tank.
So those were the plans Penguin stole from the Hexagon.
Yes, it all makes sense now.
He set up his film company to steal the armor from the museum.
He used the armor to steal the plans from the Hexagon.
And used the plans to build a solid gold tank.
- Now he's invulnerable, Batman.
-No one is invulnerable, commissioner.
Not even inside a tank.
I'll stop that mangy bird if it's the last thing I ever do.
- What's Chief O'Hara up to? -Chief O'Hara! He's blocked the tank.
- But he'll be crushed like a walnut.
-The brave fool.
- Chief O'Hara! -Quickly.
Help me with this.
Watch it, Batman.
I never ever thought I'd see your face again, Batman.
That was a brave gesture, Chief O'Hara.
We need more than gestures to stop that fiend.
Quickly, to the Batmobile.
- Are you all right, chief? - Look what he done to me.
How's it feel riding around in $20 million, Marsha? The springs aren't very good, darling.
Springs? Every bolt of this machine is worth a carload of springs.
Who's firing that gun? Must be Aunt Hilda.
She loves loud noises.
- Oh! - Stop that! Those shells are solid gold.
Every time she fires that cannon, it costs $50,000.
Oh, let her have some fun, Pengy.
After all, you're a millionaire now.
Even a millionaire blinks at $50,000.
We should be able to intercept him at the next crossroads.
Roger.
But what do we do when we intercept him? Can you handle the Batzooka? The Batzooka.
I forgot all about it.
You bet I can handle it, Batman.
I hope your aim is good.
Heh, heh.
They're not even following us.
They knew it was hopeless.
Even Batman and Robin were smart enough to see that.
Looks like Batman and Robin weren't so smart after all, darling.
Hmm? Whoa! Blow them to bits.
Sound general quarters.
Batten the hatches.
Dive, dive.
Easy, Robin.
That's a low-down, underhanded trick.
Oh, and foiled again.
It's exasperating.
Oh.
Be a good loser, darling.
Page from your own book, huh, Penguin? It's your fault! Wasting those golden shells.
Be quiet, dearie, or I'll turn you into a toad.
Should I, Batman? -Thank you, we have other plans for Penguin.
You know, darling, it really is a shame.
You and I could have had a marvelous career in movies.
I'm afraid your movie career will be interrupted for quite a while, Marsha.
It was very nice of Batman to donate Penguin's film to the Wayne Federation of Boys Clubs.
I'm sure the boys will enjoy it.
Too bad Penguin and Marsha can't see it.
Somehow I doubt if they'd want to, Dick.
Besides, by the time they get out of prison, this film will probably be on the late show.
Whatever happened to that weird old lady who was related to Marsha? -Aunt Hilda? She's back at her old post, teaching a cooking class at the Bruce Wayne School of Home Economics.
She never would have left in the first place if it hadn't been for her niece Marsha.
You know, Bruce, I think Batman is quite a good actor.
Oh, my, he's very romantic.
I think Batman would appreciate your compliment, Aunt Harriet.
Well, perhaps Batman has some show business in his blood.
Hmm.
Don't we all, sir? Don't we all?
Previous EpisodeNext Episode