Batman (1966) s02e55 Episode Script

NARRATOR".
Another groovy day in Gotham City and everything seems just right in our teeming metropolis.
But there's a new face in the crowd.
The face of Black Widow.
Oh, good morning, madam.
May I help you? Yes, you may, doll.
I would like to open a tiny new savings account.
- An excellent way to start the day.
-Yes.
Come with me, please.
Thank you.
Now then, your name and marital status.
Uh, Mrs.
Max Black.
Widow.
How large an initial deposit do you wish to make, Mrs.
Widow? Mrs.
Black.
And now, Irv, darling will you bring me 20 or 30,000 from the vault? Ah.
Sir, you're an absolute love.
Ta-ta.
- How did you do, Black Widow? -Fine, Tarantula.
I have done it again.
There now, Mr.
Cash, this isn't the end of the world.
There was this strange vibration and then I'm handing her thousands.
I couldn't stop myself.
It was as though the devil himself was at work on you.
Or someone just as clever.
Do you mean, you know who pulled this job? You may not remember but how could I ever forget.
- Black Widow.
-Black Widow.
You must be joking.
I wish I were, Chief O'Hara, but it all points to her.
Opening a new account, the huge handbag the black outfit, the charm and fascination.
Oh, that's her, commissioner.
Quick, catch her.
Not quite that simple, I'm afraid.
But we, heh-heh, do have a chance.
T-the dynamic duet? Duo.
That's dynamic duo.
The dynamic duo indeed.
NARRATOR".
At this moment, within the walls of stately Wayne Manor an unveiling is taking place.
How do you like them, Dick? Fine, Aunt Harriet, but I already have a pair of black pants.
Well, they're not for you, silly.
They're for me.
I've decided to go mod.
Now what do you boys think? Tres chic, Aunt Harriet.
Every bachelor in Gotham City will be staring.
I wanted to get a miniskirt, but the sales girl wasn't sure I had the face for it.
Oh, Alfred, how do you like my new outfit? (Barnaby Street has come to Wayne Manor, madam.
- Sir.
-Yes, Alfred.
Mr.
Gordon Commish is calling.
Yes, we've been expecting his call.
Uh, excuse us, Aunt Harriet, we may be tied up for a little while.
Dick.
There they go, healthy as normal and I'm such a beatnik.
Yes, commissioner.
Good to hear your voice, Batman.
You'll never guess who's in town.
- Mr.
Freeze? -No.
- Penguin, Joker? -Black Widow has crawled into Gotham City.
We're on our way.
It's Black Widow.
- The Black Widow? -I'm afraid so.
To the Batpoles.
"Black Widow wins her victim's confidence by pretending to open a savings account.
Her methods of overpowering include hypnosis, drugs and other artificial brain stimuli.
" Excuse me ignorance, Batman but what does a lady's hairdryer have to do with all this? This, Chief O'Hara, in spite of its appearance is a brainwave Bat-Analyzer.
It registers the brainwave patterns in the various control areas of the human brain.
Most ingenious.
Judging by her past modus operandi, Robin and I suspect that Black Widow may have short-circuited a portion of Mr.
Cash's brain thereby rendering him incapable of making judgments.
Oh, this is worse than I thought.
First my money, now my brain.
Easy, citizen.
Whatever she did in there will wear off.
Sit down, please.
Now, will you insert your head in the Brainwave Bat-Analyzer.
No cause for concern, Mr.
Cash.
You can be sure, if it's Batman.
If you say so.
Cortex.
Thalamus.
Cerebellum not impaired.
Medulla, A-okay.
Holy nerve center, what is it, Batman? The cerebrum, Robin.
Black Widow put Mr.
Cash's cerebrum out of commission.
He was powerless to control his actions.
You can come out now, Mr.
Cash.
You-- You can come out now, Mr.
Cash.
Incredible.
That secret weapon of hers, she could clean out every bank in Gotham City and we'd always be one step behind her.
Me men are clever, goodness knows but where the human brain is concerned, they're just not equipped.
How do we stop her, Batman? That is our problem.
We haven't a second to lose.
- Quick, Robin, the Bat-Analyzer.
-Got it.
Batman, am I going to be all right? Take two cold tablets and get plenty of rest your cerebrum will be fine in the morning, Mr.
Cash.
NARRATOR".
Meanwhile, in the web an underground grotto somewhere in Gotham City Black Widow and her spidery companions are enjoying the fruits of Black Widow's labor of love.
Ah-ah-ah! Don't touch, Tarantula.
Well, I just wanted to run it through my fingers, B.
W.
You will have to wait.
I still have a fabulous list of banks I must clean out before we split.
Trap Door, what are you doing out of your trap door? - I got lonely.
-Oh, poor soul.
I don't know how you do it, Blacky.
I tried robbing banks when I was younger but I always got nailed before I was out the door.
Incentive, Daddy Long Legs.
That's why you blew it.
But didn't your husband Max always say that money can't buy happiness? Happiness can't buy money.
Heh.
Poor sweet Max.
Why is it taking so long, Batman? Every known fact about Black Widow has been fed into the Batcomputer.
There were over 3,000 separate cards to collate and analyze.
Sorry, Batman, but knowing that that arch-villainess may be robbing a Gotham City Bank at this very minute bothers me.
Bother you? It should.
Just as it should bother any red-blooded American citizen who recognizes the law and obeys it.
NARRATOR".
At this very minute, at yet another Gotham City Bank And by the way, doll bring me 20 or 30 thou in small unmarked bills.
Can you do that for me? Beneficial is here to benefit you, Mrs.
Black.
You're sure that will fill your needs? How sweet of you to ask.
Make it 40.
"Black Widow Lingerie.
Black Widow Weeds Removal Service.
Black Widow Black Top Company.
Black, Widow and Black Attorneys.
" But not one single bank.
Seems to be hung up on the word "black.
" Maybe the Bat-Analyzing gears need oiling.
- Yes, commissioner? -it's Black Widow, Batman.
In lightning fashion, she's just hit four more banks and I have an office full of angry bank managers.
Any results at your end? Not yet, commissioner, I'm sorry.
But I'm almost tempted to let her Letter.
Give me the names of the banks Black Widow has robbed.
Chief O'Hara, that list.
Excuse me, gentlemen, excuse me.
Here you are.
Ahem.
Here we are, Batman.
"American, Beneficial, Commercial, Diversified, Empire, Federal State.
" It's simple as A-B-C, commissioner.
Black Widow's going right through the alphabet.
No wonder the Batcomputer couldn't figure out her plan.
It was too easy.
Commissioner, the next robbery will obviously take place at Gotham General Bank and Trust.
Chief O'Hara, I want every available unit dispatched to the Gotham General Bank and Trust.
-I have a better plan.
Tell Chief O'Hara and his men to sit on their tuffets so to speak, and stay away from the Gotham General Bank and Trust.
Repeat, stay away.
Robin and I are less likely to frighten this spider away.
Pardon me.
Have you been here long, citizen? We're looking for Black Widow.
I'm not too familiar with Gotham City or any of its denizens, Batman.
Ciao.
Ciao.
May we see the manager, please, it's top priority.
Do you wish to open a new account, sir? No, it concerns possible criminal activity in this bank.
If you'll just follow me.
Mr.
Leghorn, uh, two gentlemen to see you.
T-two gentlemen? No lady or Black Widow or anything like that? Batman and Robin here, Mr.
Leghorn.
Oh! Am I glad to see you.
Mr.
Leghorn, we have reason to believe Black Widow will attempt to rob this bank today.
Oh! Oh.
There's no cause for alarm, Mr.
Leghorn.
Robin and I will be hiding nearby.
If and when Black Widow shows up, act naturally and do exactly as she says.
- We'll apprehend her at the right moment.
-If you say so, Batman.
Act naturally.
Well, we watch and wait.
Steady, Robin.
It's her move.
Caught you, Black Widow.
Thought you could rob the Gotham General Bank? - Well? -Mr.
Leghorn, please! I thought I told you to act naturally.
This is Mrs.
Harriet Cooper one of Gotham City's most law-abiding and respected citizens.
All I wanted to do was open a small savings account for my nephew Dick Grayson.
Forgive me, Mrs.
Cooper.
Please let me explain.
- Don't bother.
There's always Beneficial.
-Good for Aunt Harriet.
All right, Mr.
Leghorn, continue to act naturally.
Act naturally.
Act naturally.
Act naturally.
- M-may I help you? -How do you do, doll? I would like to open a small savings account.
Oh, nothing pretentious.
It's her.
Let's move out.
- Say, um -So, Black Widow, we finally meet.
How perfectly thrilling.
Ha, ha.
The caped crusader.
And what a magnificent cape it is too.
I really must have one of those for my wardrobe.
Don't waste your energy, Black Widow.
Robin and I have been wearing anti-short circuiting brain Bat-electrodes since your first day in Gotham City.
Really, my sweet? Well, now, how about trying this on for size.
Bye-bye, baby.
Au revoir, Prince Charming.
Keep in touch.
Batman? Feels like a paralyzing dose of spider venom.
It should wear off presently.
Let's go after her.
She has a pretty good head start on us.
I anticipated that.
Robin, I installed an odor-sensitometer radar circuit.
- Holy olfactory.
-Right, Robin.
The oil-and-gas mixture from her motor bike will register on the sensitometer and be picked up as a blip on the radarscope.
All we have to do is follow that blip.
- Ready? -Are you, Batman? Never readier.
- We're on target, Batman.
-But she seems to have disappeared.
That elderly couple rocking on the porch.
Maybe they saw her.
Hello, citizens, sorry to trouble you.
We're looking for a lady on a motorcycle.
Have you seen such a lady? Haven't seen no lady on a bike in, let's see, been eight to 10 years.
Wouldn't you say that, Dad? I would say that, yes.
About eight, 10 years.
We're still getting the blips.
She must be somewhere around here.
Say, aren't you that Bat fellow and that Robin fellow who are constantly fighting evil? - Right you are, ma'am.
-Keep up the good work.
Frank and I are both categorically against evil.
Thank you, senior citizens.
They're driving away.
Ha.
Black Widow, you've outwitted them again.
Say, aren't you that Bat fellow and that Robin fellow who are constantly fighting evil? Sounds perfectly normal on the Bat-Tape Reader, doesn't it, Robin? Just the way it was picked up by the Batmobile's ultrasonic recorder.
Activate the Bat-Scilloscope.
Now let's watch and listen.
Say, aren't you that Bat fellow and that Robin fellow who are constantly fighting evil? - No doubt about it.
-About what, Batman? That what we heard at the old frame house were amplified human voices.
To the Batmobile.
Look, Robin.
Three hours and they're still going strong.
Thought they'd be off their rockers by now, eh, Robin? Yeah.
Come on, Robin.
Rubber.
So the voice we heard on that recording was really sweet, little old Black Widow.
Question, when you chase a spider, where does he or she usually hide? Answer, under the house.
Darlings, we're about to play a dear little game.
Spider and the fly.
Come closer and pay attention.
Strict attention.
Robin, over here.
Welcome to the web, darling duo.
Sic them, boys.
Ow! Batman! So, Latrodectus mactans, commonly known as Black Widow, caught in your own web, eh? There is nothing common about me, dynamic doll.
And as for being caught in my own web may I give you a tiny, little piece of advice? If you wish to live and thrive let the spider run alive.
Not a chance after all the evil you've done.
Oh, well then, I'm afraid I must do another evil deed.
Not tonight, unless you can arrange it from the Gotham City Jail.
Batman, my arms and legs, I'm stuck.
How ironic.
Now it is you who are caught in my web.
Frightfully cunning of me, don't you think? You may have a slight advantage now but Dear Heart, you may be caped and you may be dynamic but to me you are a crashing bore.
So voila.
I had them skip their dinner so they would thoroughly enjoy you.
And now my lieutenants and I are going to tunnel into my vault and count our lovely loot.