Becker Episode Scripts

N/A - Larry Spoke

( rock theme playing ) Ah, I haven't heard that "ping, ping, ping" since your daddy was alive.
Yeah, some kids get a trust fund and I get a greasy spoon with a hole in it.
Hey, Boyd.
Haven't seen you in a while.
But you can see me now, right? Yeah.
Good.
Hello, Jack.
Jake.
My name is Jake.
We go through this every time.
Oh, that's a relief.
I thought it was the same time over and over again.
The roof's leaking.
Lucky for you, this can's here.
No, Boyd, I Yeah, lucky.
Let me ask you something: You don't know a good doctor, do you? 'Cause it's been a while since I've had a checkup.
You know, as a matter of fact, Boyd, I do know someone.
I'm not here.
I'm not here.
Yo, you just see a guy come in here? Tall, scrawny-looking guy? Son of a bitch flipped me off! I can honestly say I haven't seen anybody that matches that description.
All clear, Becker.
You can come out now.
So I'm in traffic, right? That moron is sitting in a car in front of me with his finger jammed up his nose.
Yeah, the light turns green, he doesn't move.
Like it's too complicated for him to work his foot and his finger at the same time.
Coffee to go, please.
Hey-- Hey, Reg, did he hide in the men's room or the little girls' room? Oh, hell, there's that damn meter maid.
Hey, Grandma, get the hell away from my car! Hey, why aren't you out stealing ketchup packets like normal old women? Boy, that guy should see a doctor.
He is a doctor.
Uh, actually, he's the doctor I was gonna recommend.
Oh, he seems like a nice guy.
( rock theme playing ) ( rock theme playing ) Okay, Margaret, before you go all drill sergeant on me, it's not my fault I'm late.
The rotating clothes thingy at my dry cleaner's was stuck on high speed.
I kept yelling, "Here it comes! Here it comes!" And the guy kept yelling, "Where? Where?" And I kept yelling, "There! There!" And he kept yelling, "I don't"-- Linda, Linda, I get it.
Just put your things away and finish filing these charts for me.
Okay.
Mr.
Crossman? Hey, this isn't mine.
This is fabulous.
They must have given this to me by mistake.
You're just gonna have to wait until after work to return it.
Yeah, yeah, return it.
This way, Mr.
Crossman.
( grunts ) ( gasps ) Ooh ( laughs ) ( sighs ) I think I just had a clothes-gasm.
Mr.
Crossman, you're here for a physical.
No, I just made that up so I could see you.
Oh, all right.
What's going on? Well, I work in a shoe store and I sort of been having trouble, uh, you know, concentrating.
It's-- It's exhausting.
And by the time I get home, I'm almost too tired to paint.
Oh, you're an artist.
No, I paint my apartment.
A lot.
Last week I painted it Navajo White.
The week before that, Antique White.
Before that, Eggshell White.
Next week-- White? Who knows.
Well, actually, Larry does.
He's the one who keeps changing his mind.
Who's Larry? God.
Excuse me? Larry is God's first name.
Yeah, Mr.
Crossman, when-- When you're painting, you're-- You keep the windows open, right? Oh, sure.
Larry's kind of a stickler about that.
Uh-huh.
What-- What about drugs? Are you on any narcotics or hallucinogens? No, but if you think it would help I see.
Uh Let me-- Let me ask you, uh, something else, here.
Have-- Have you ever seen a psychiatrist? Well, it's hard to say.
It's not like they walk around with big signs over their heads.
No, no, they don't.
That's, uh-- That's true.
( knocking on door ) I happen to know one and, uh, I'm gonna give him a call.
I think it'd be very helpful for you to talk to him.
Well, I'll do what I can, but frankly, I have problems of my own.
( knocking on door ) Yeah, yeah.
The hospital called.
Milton Fowler went into cardiac arrest.
It-- It-- It doesn't look good.
Damn.
All right, I'll, uh-- I'll get over there as soon as I can.
I'm sorry, John.
I know how fond you are of him.
( stammering ): Yeah, thank you.
And do me a favor: Why don't you go ahead and call his daughter? Oh, no.
I called her the last time.
( sighs ) All right.
Sorry about that, uh, patient of mine's not doing too well.
It's a part of this job I haven't gotten used to yet.
Well, as you know, Larry works in mysterious ways.
( rock theme playing ) ( machinery beeping ) Dr.
Becker? Milton? You're awake.
Good for you.
Did you learn that in medical school? What makes you think I went to medical school? Dad? Ah, there she is.
There-- There's my girl.
You're all right.
That's great.
Dr.
Becker led me to believe that, uh-- What? That I was dead? Uh, now, don't talk that way.
So then you're okay.
Okay? Look at me.
I'm on everything but skates.
Milton, you're doing fine.
I'll come back in a little while to check on you.
I'll wait here.
BECKER: Yeah.
Dr.
Becker, what is going on? My father is okay.
Look, Mrs.
Arras, we've been down this road before.
I know, and every time you call you make it sound like it's the end.
If you don't want me to call-- That's not what I said.
But frankly, I'm getting tired of this.
I have a business to run.
It is very difficult for me to drop everything, get on a plane and come down here for no reason.
No reason? Your father's no reason? That's not what I meant and you know it.
Look, your father's had two myocardial infarctions in a series of cardiac arrests.
His heart's very weak.
I know that.
I am just trying to get a realistic timetable.
And if you can't give that to me, maybe I should find a doctor who can.
You want a second opinion, you be my guest.
If you want me to play God and pick a day for your father to die that won't inconvenience your busy schedule, well, I'm sorry, I can't help you.
( rock theme playing ) Hey, Jake, how's it going? Okay.
Reg, what's going on? Having the roof fixed.
Have a seat in a booth.
I wanted to sit at the counter.
What, are you 6 years old? Just sit down.
I'm trying to improve the place.
Yeah, when you get around to the food, let me know.
( laughs ) Uh, wild guess: You're having a bad day? Ah, some patient of mine.
I thought he was in a coma.
Turns out he's okay.
Jeez.
Life's a bitch and then you live.
Yeah.
So did you see, uh, Boyd Crossman? Yeah, saw him this morning.
Interesting guy.
He's a freak.
Did he tell you about Larry? You know about that? Yeah, he keeps going on about how God said this and Larry said that, and I wish he'd just shut up about it.
What's your problem? Boyd's harmless.
Hey, uh, I-- I just get tired of hearing it.
Look, I used to think God was this all-powerful, benevolent being.
Then he took my sight away.
And frankly, that ticked me off.
I mean, with all the-- With all the drug dealers, murderers and politicians in the world, why'd he have to come after me? Wow, Jake.
You're always making jokes about your blindness.
This is the first time since I've known you you've ever complained about it.
Yeah, Jake.
Bitch, bitch, bitch.
( rock theme playing ) You know, Linda, that jacket looks very familiar.
( gasps ) Oh, I guess you liked the one from the cleaners so much you went out and bought one just like it.
Uh, okay, then that's what I did.
Mm-hm.
Boyd, I didn't know you were coming in today.
Oh, I just stopped by to tell you that the new medication is really working.
I can finally concentrate at work.
You know, loafers, sandals, high-tops, pumps, topsiders, work boots, steel-toe-- Right, right, right.
All-- All the different shoes.
That-- That's good.
That's good.
And I haven't heard from Larry either.
That's even better.
Well, I hope you don't mind me just dropping by like this, but I was feeling really pumped.
John, hospital called.
Milton Fowler had another cardiac arrest.
They resuscitated him but it's touch-and-go.
( sighs ) Poor guy.
All right, I'll, uh, call his daughter.
No, I already did.
She said she'd come down as soon as she can, but today's really not a good day for her.
I'm guessing it's no picnic for her father either.
( chuckles ) ( rock theme playing ) ( rock theme playing ) Dr.
Becker? You've been here all night.
Why don't you go home? We'll call you if there's any change.
Okay.
Thank you.
Milton? ( grunts ) Well, seeing you here, I know I can't be in heaven.
What's going on? You've had another heart attack but you're okay.
Oh.
I-- I-- I don't know how you keep doing it.
I bought the extended warranty on my Buick and I intend to use it.
Is my daughter here yet? Did Ginny come? Actually, Milton, I called her and she-- Yeah, yeah, she sat here with you all night.
I just now told her to go home and get some rest.
Oh, that-- That's nice.
Yeah.
Some kid I got, huh? Yeah, some kid you got.
( rock theme playing ) ( knocking on door ) ( Becker sighs ) Coming.
I'm coming.
Oh, boy.
Hello, Dr.
Becker.
B-Boyd, it's 3 in the morning.
I know, I'm surprised you're up.
Larry figured you'd be asleep.
Larry.
All right, you better come in.
Okay, but I can't stay long.
It's 3:00 in the morning.
You ever think about painting this place? I don't know, maybe white? Just a shot in the dark here, but did you stop taking your pills? Yeah, I stopped taking them a few days ago.
Can I have a glass of water? Well, Boyd, you've gotta get back on the medication.
You have an illness.
It's a chemical imbalance.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
But Larry had a good point about that.
Which was? He said you were wrong.
Tap water? You don't have bottled? No, I don't have bottled.
Not even for company? I'm sorry.
Look, I don't understand this.
You-- You-- You said you were pumped.
Why-- Why'd you go off the medicine? Well, you see, uh, I really don't have that many friends other than you and the lady at the diner and that blind guy, Jack.
Jake.
Potato, potato.
It's just that when I was on the medication, I-- I kind of missed Larry.
The psychiatrist I sent you to, d-does he know about this? Not yet.
I didn't wanna wake him up because it's almost-- Yeah, I know.
It's 3 in the morning.
Yeah, right.
Well, good night.
Yeah, uh, promise me you'll come see me in the office tomorrow.
Well, I'll try.
Yeah, try hard.
Now go home.
Get-- Get-- Get some sleep.
I'm on my way.
I just have to stop and rent Home Alone 3 again.
I don't know why, but Larry just loves that movie.
( rock theme playing ) Oh, nice jacket, Linda.
Thank you.
Unusual color.
I know.
Ooh, and buttery soft too.
Look, I know you're trying to make me feel guilty but it's not gonna work.
This jacket is rightfully mine.
Oh, I'm dying to hear how you figured this one out.
This jacket is payback.
It's every sock I ever lost in the dryer, every quarter that ever fell through a hole in my pocket.
It's the pair of black stiletto heels that I lost on the Brooklyn Bridge.
Fun night, long story.
The point is, this jacket is mine.
Well, as long as you're not feeling guilty about it.
Well, I'm not.
And I won't be burning in a fiery hell, either.
I guess that depends on what you did on that bridge.
Is Dr.
Becker in? Well, I'll-- I'll just-- I'm Virginia Arras.
I'd like to speak with him.
Oh, doctor, do you have a moment? All right.
Um, I'll be in back.
I was just at the hospital.
My father thanked me for flying down from Boston to sit with him.
You lied for me, didn't you? I didn't do it for you.
I did it for him.
I know that and I appreciate it.
Well, that's all I wanted to say.
I won't take any more of your time.
Look, I-- I know this is not easy.
Uh, no, it's not.
I-I wish I could tell you differently, but your father doesn't have a lot of time left.
Dr.
Becker, there's not a day that goes by that I'm not aware of that.
But I'll be honest with you, I don't like coming here.
I-- I know you think it's cold, but it's not because I'm busy at work.
It's because I love my father.
He's the one who read ( laughs ) Green Eggs and Ham to me.
He held the back of my bike when I was learning to ride.
And now I go to the hospital and all I see is an-- ( crying ) An old man.
A stranger.
It-- It's just very difficult, that's all.
You know, if you loved the man who held your bike, you owe the old man in that bed.
Yes, I know that.
And I know that if he had died the other night thinking that I didn't even have the time to come and see him, I would never have forgiven myself.
Thank you for that.
( rock theme playing ) ( rock theme playing ) Oh, Jake, they did such a great job patching the ceiling.
I wish you could see it.
Yeah, if I got my sight back, that would be the first thing I'd wanna see.
Got it.
Perfect.
( laughs ): Hi, Margaret, Linda.
Can I help you? Yes, I will have a half-caff, double-tall non-fat latte with cream, please.
We just have coffee, decaf or regular.
Oh, then nothing for me.
Hi, Jake.
Hey.
Margaret? Oh, no, thanks.
I'm just waiting out the rain.
Why do I even have a cash register? Oh, jeez.
What-- What are you two doing here? Oh, relax, we're not staying.
We were on our way to the train and it started to pour.
Oh, good.
No offence, but the only reason I come here is no one else does.
Thank you.
If you guys start coming, I might find a new place.
Thank you.
What can I get you, Becker? Nothing, thank you.
I just came in to get out of the rain.
Yeah, this place is a gold mine.
Boyd, where-- Where you been? I thought you were gonna come by the office.
I just did.
No one was there.
Oh, hey.
Hey, wait a minute.
Are-- Are you looking for us? Oh, yeah.
I came to say good-bye.
( stammers ): Wait, Boyd, hold on a second.
Where are you going? California.
Larry told me to quit my job, rent a car and go visit my brother.
And he told me not to get the collision insurance.
He said it was a rip-off.
So thanks for your help.
I'll miss you all.
Especially you, Jack.
Hey, Boyd, wait-- Wait a second.
Listen, it's not a really good time to take a trip.
You really need to be under a doctor's care.
No, Larry insists and you know how he can get.
He thinks everything he says is carved in stone.
Wow, God talks to him? How cool is that? Linda, Boyd only thinks he hears God because the dopamine-receptor system of his brain is malfunctioning.
Well, maybe when God wants to talk to someone, that's how he does it.
Yeah, Margaret, don't start.
Look, G-- God is a concept of man.
You know, Becker, some of us believe that man is a concept of God.
Here we go.
Well, she's right, John.
I thought you didn't even like God.
Doesn't mean I don't believe in him.
Having conversations with God doesn't make you crazy.
I mean, yesterday I went to church and I talked to God and Jesus and my father.
Wonderful, The Three Amigos.
Look, I don't have anything against religion.
Since when? Yeah, you're right.
I do.
Wanna know what's wrong with religion? ALL: No, no.
R-Religion is-- Religion is supposed to be about people being nice to each other.
But frankly, I don't see a lot of that.
You know, what I do see is I see a lot of people using the Good Book to-- To say that they're morally superior.
I see people building TV stations to bilk grandma out of her pension checks, all in the name of God.
You know, how about all those God-fearing people who are killing other God-fearing people because they don't fear God the same way? I'm glad to see he's like this in here too.
Becker, you hate everything.
That's hardly news.
But you must believe in something.
Well, you're damn right I do.
I-I believe in science, that's what I believe in.
You know, you open up any medical book and-- And-- And read about how the fibers of the iris contract and expand in response to light.
Or how embryonic cells, you know, divide and re-divide until they form a human being.
You know, what about the-- The human heart? I got a patient in the hospital, a 78-year-old who by all rights should be dead.
And that amazing machine keeps on pumping.
That's what I believe in.
Yeah, well, I think Boyd would disagree with you.
Yeah, he'd probably tell you that Larry's responsible for all that science.
You know ( sighs ) You-- You guys can believe anything you want.
But as far as I'm concerned, there is no Larry.
Oh! I gotta get this jacket back to the dry cleaner's.
She'll listen to me next time.
Uh, what do you have to say now, Becker? If that was really God, would he have missed me? ( thunder booms ) ( rock theme playing ) ( rock theme playing )