Benched (2014) s01e08 Episode Script

Ugh.
What the hell is that? Did you lose a bet? Not everyone has a gambling problem - like you, Phil.
- Want to bet? Okay, if you must know, this is my once-a-month Saengseon Hoe from Han Goya's.
It's a Korean fish delicacy, and it costs an arm and a leg.
So long as you didn't pay actual money for it.
Why is that a smell? Did you find that in the morgue? Okay.
Hey, we're still on to watch hoops - later this afternoon, right? - You know it.
Carlos wins our bracket every year.
Don't ask me how.
It'd be like you winning an empathy contest.
Or you dating someone that wasn't a magician's assistant.
Ha.
You know, you could be funny.
- Okay.
- People V.
Danfield.
Ooh, Diamond Danfield, huh? Good luck with that.
Word of advice, take the deal.
The guy's in and out of here all day.
Oh, I can see you repped him once.
That's that's probably why he's back.
There's only so much we can do.
Yeah, so much you could do.
- I can get him a better deal.
- Ooh, okay.
Fancy girl getting a little cocky.
- Care to make it interesting? - Sure, why not? - I thought you didn't gamble.
- It's not gambling - if you know you're gonna win.
- Ooh, okay.
- $10? - Fine.
All right.
I can't work in these conditions.
Wait.
Why? What? I think I love her.
Benched - 01x08 Diamond Is a Girl's Worst Friend Thanks again for everything, all right? See you again soon.
No, I hope not, Diamond.
Oh, right! - Take care.
- Okay.
Oh, hey.
I totally Whitleyed that D.
A.
in there.
- "Whitleyed"? - Yeah.
Think I'm putting that on a t-shirt.
- Put you down for a small? - All right.
That's a bet.
I got that guy a great deal.
I mean, short parole, as long as he proves that he's looking for a job and takes anger management.
- And boom - "Boom," what? Boom, we won't be seeing him again.
I did what you couldn't.
So you saved this poor wretch with your superior lawyering, is that it? Yeah.
- He'll be back by the end of the week.
- That sounds very much like a bet.
- Double or nothing? - Yeah.
Boom.
- Another hard-fought day.
- Yeah.
Some college basketball and your mysterious gambling insight.
Well, it's not that mysterious.
Hey, uh, listen up, folks.
Internet is spotty at best, so just please stay away from wires, and don't go online for the next hour, hour and 20.
Great.
Larry, that goes for the phone too, huh? - Okay, well, keep it elevated, mom.
- Larry, I told you It's a public park.
I'm sure someone will come by soon.
- Larry! - How far off the trail did you roll? Stay strong.
Perfect.
Who's typing? Who's typ What is that? Oh, come on.
- Hey, the signal! - What are you doing? I'm downloading your case files.
Well, do it in another building.
Work time's over.
It's casual time.
- Casual time.
- Right.
Because you were so great in court today.
I beg your pardon.
What would you have done differently? Argued for continuance based on changes in testimony, cited People vs.
Hawthorne in the Saxon case, got Mason O.
R.
due to his extensive community involvement.
- Do you want me to continue? - You you know what? When you're in court and those lights are And everyone's looking, and it's it's different, okay? If you say so.
Hey, come on.
Ignore her.
She's an intern.
What does she know? Someone should teach her a lesson, because You know, we could.
We could have her prepare that DUI case.
Oh, DUIs are impossible.
She'll fail for sure.
- Exactly, yeah.
- All right.
Maybe this reckless endangerment case will have a happy ending after all.
Well, except for those that were recklessly endangered.
Oh, hey, Diamond Just don't don't don't get my face.
Just, not in the face.
Face is off-limits.
I'm robbing you, not killing you.
Get up.
You thank You thanked me earlier.
- What why? - Yeah, I was being courteous.
Now I'm mugging you.
I don't understand.
I got you a great deal.
All you have to do is prove you're looking for a job and take anger management classes.
Yeah, and those classes cost money.
Thank you.
So you commit another crime? And you wonder why you're stuck in the system? I'm stuck in the system because I don't have no money.
Now now hand over the purse.
Is that a fake it's a fake gun.
That's a fake gun.
Guns cost money.
I I took this from, like, a local theater.
Oh, my God.
How do you sleep at night? Poorly.
You know, a good bed Costs money.
Look, please, just give me the purse, all right? - So I can take the stupid class.
- I can't legally give a client money.
So you're gonna have to rob me.
Just do it gently, okay? - Okay, um - Go ahead.
I'm the robber.
This is a robbery.
You're the victim.
I'm so glad I know my character.
Yeah.
Okay.
Oh, look.
20, 40 okay, cool.
What is this? What's this? You do not take that.
They they discontinued that color.
- "Cheesecake vacation"? - It's Hello! Ow! You know what? Just take the money.
I'm gonna call you tomorrow and make sure that you're looking for a job and that you registered for classes, okay? You know these expired a year ago.
Oh Micah? Micah? Micah, you are in the closet.
- What's that supposed to mean? - Nothing.
Um, I need you to call Diamond Danfield to make sure that he registered for anger management.
Yeah, no.
Actually, Phil and Carlos have me doing some actual casework, so you're gonna have to make your own phone calls.
Well, pssh, you ever coming out of the closet, or You're literally in a closet.
Great.
How do you a find a guy whose phone has been disconnected? Oh, that's simple.
Get a map of Los Angeles.
- Go everywhere.
- Not helpful.
I was calling Diamond to make sure he registered for his class.
I told you he was gonna end up back in the system one way or another.
Just admit I'm right, huh? I'm gonna go find him.
- Diamond, open up.
- Who is it? - It's Nina.
- Nina who? - Are you serious? - You mugged me yesterday.
You got to be more specific than that.
Okay, that's not something you want to say to your lawyer, and I'm your lawyer, Nina Whitley.
Nina! What's up, baby? Come on.
So your phone's disconnected.
Oh, that's not my phone.
That's Ed's.
Uh, I'm just here crashing.
That's it.
- Oh, sure, sure, crashing.
- Yeah.
Well, you were, uh, supposed to look for a job today.
Remember that plan? What happened there? Oh, you know I ain't got no car to go to no job interviews.
I mean, I don't even know where to even look for a job.
And I ain't got no shirt to wear.
Nope.
No, no, no.
We we are gonna get you a shirt.
We're gonna get you a shirt, and we're gonna get you a job.
Pants pants first.
Pants fir uh, pants first.
- Come on.
- Now, now, I I wasn't trying to guilt-trip you or nothing like that.
No, no.
I didn't take it that way.
Shirt, pants, job.
Hey, Larry, our office lends out shirts for court, right? Like, decent, conservative, for court appearances and stuff? Actually, we do, and you'll never guess who's in charge of Great.
We'll take one for him.
I only wear Varvatos from Head to Tizzoe.
- All right, player? - I'm the exact same way.
- You barely have pants.
- We'll take whatever fits.
Like, something in, like, a Polo but, like, with a nice pointy collar.
Something sexy, cool.
We do have one.
It's green.
Uh, that ain't my palette, player.
Literally any shirt.
Now, you would look good in, like, an off-white Oxford.
It's kind of like a cream, sand color.
Ladies ain't feeling that.
Great.
We'll take it.
And what court will you be appearing at? Uh, no.
It's for a job interview.
Uh, we only lend out shirts for court appearances.
Give me the shirt before I bury you in the desert.
I'll put court four.
Favorite court.
Thank you.
That's great.
Yeah.
No, I mailed that check.
I know.
Well, I owe you yeah, okay.
I got to go.
Carlos? Micah, how's the Newcomb case coming? DUIs are tough, huh? Yeah, but I found a defense.
See, the client was not tested until he got to the station.
We could argue he was below 0.
08 when pulled over and not over the limit until later.
There's precedent.
It's called a rising defense.
I'm surprised you haven't heard of it.
Actually, I'm not surprised you haven't heard of it.
- Kay, that's really good.
- Yeah, I thought so.
Do you ever smile? Laugh? Only when I'm nervous, and I never get nervous.
Really? Not even when, like boo! That's just sad.
Kay, so much for teaching her a lesson.
She's a genius.
Yeah, we should give her all our cases.
We should give her all our cases.
That'll only boost her ego.
No, that'll give us more time to Watch more basketball.
We're the geniuses.
Yes.
What kind of name is Han Goya? Your name's Diamond.
Because no one cuts Diamond but Diamond.
Okay, that makes sense.
Nina, the usual? Oh, no, not today, Han.
I was actually wondering, are you still hiring? Because my friend here is looking for a job.
Actually, we do need another helper in the back.
- Come with me.
- Okay.
So what we need is some help in our fish prep area.
Heads go here.
Guts go there.
- Spines go - Hell, no.
I'm not doing this.
Look, we just need a signature saying that I looked for the job.
Let's get that and get the hell out of here.
Okay, could you excuse us for just one second? Quick second? Okay, look.
You were right this morning when you said that I could do more.
Again, I wasn't guilting you.
All right, but I did do more.
I got you that shirt, and now I got you this job offer.
You need to start taking responsibility for yourself too.
It's not enough if I believe in you if you don't also.
You got to start holding yourself to a To a higher standard.
Were you just quoting Bill Cosby to me? A little Cosby might have slipped in there, yeah.
Never quote Bill Cosby to another black man.
- Do you understand me? - I got it.
Mr.
Han? I apologize for the way I acted earlier, and I'd love to work for you.
Sure.
Can you start tomorrow? Tomorrow? Yes.
Tomorrow would be great.
And, Han, thank you so much.
Employment is such an important but difficult step for ex-convicts.
Convict? Well, you know what? At least we got the signature, and now all you have to do is show up for the anger management class you had registered for, and you're out of the system.
- Registered? - Seriously? Okay, all the experts have picked Syracuse, but you like UNC.
Why? Well, for starters, I love Chapel Hill.
It's an idyllic college town.
Wonderful little teashops.
In the spring Okay, but on-the-court reasons.
Now, I get that they have five great freshmen.
Okay, typically, I would pick Syracuse, because their costume is orange, like a basketball.
But I've got cousins in North Carolina.
So, Phil? Family trumps costumes, every time.
- Yes.
- Okay, I get it.
If you don't like caprese, you should've bought your own lunch.
- Lunch costs money.
- Oh, my God, I know.
Okay? Let's just get you signed up for class.
Yeah, you know what? Your your gambling strategy, it's the same one that my grandmother uses for bingo.
No.
No.
No.
This is proven.
See this kid with the ball? His name is Milan.
He's going to travel.
Get it? Travel to Milan.
And there's Milan with the travel! Are you a witch? Maybe you should've been giving them the Bill Cosby speech.
Hey, Phil, I looked over the Stoller case, and, um, quick question, were you planning on leaving it this half-assed? - Excuse me? - You cited criminal code 3480.
Yeah, self-defense.
No.
Self-defense is 3470.
Oh.
Whoops.
Whatever.
I would've figured it out in court.
- Thank you.
- Whatever? You're right.
You're right.
It's just someone's life.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't realize that law students You know what? I think it might be best if you tried a case this afternoon.
I know it's your first trial, but if I supervise, - I think it's okay under PTLS.
- Of course I'll do it, Phil.
It's the least the client deserves.
That's true.
Ah, you are all registered for class.
But it starts in a half hour, so you're gonna have to hustle.
- A half hour? - Yeah.
That ain't much time to go get a job, make some money, take that money to a car dealership, negotiate a deal, buy a car, - drive the car to the class - I'll drive you.
Maybe we could stop at Burger King? - Hi, hi.
- Hey.
- Diamond Danfield.
- Danfield.
Danf I don't see a Diamond Danfield.
Okay, okay, all right, well, we registered online - a half an hour ago, so - Oh, I'm sorry.
You have to register online at least 12 hours in advance No.
What is your name? - Ruth Coleman.
- Ruth, no, uh-uh.
I'm LAPD, Los Angeles public defenders? We give you half of your clientele.
Without us, you'd be nothing.
You'd be working nights at TGI Fridays, making croutons.
Okay, Ruth? So why don't you just drop the bureaucratic bullsh And let my client here, Diamond Danfield, take the class? I was going to say, you have to register online 12 hours in advance so your name appears on my list, but, you know, walk-ins are always welcome.
So go right on ahead and fill out some paperwork.
Ruth is my favorite name.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Uh thank you.
You're welcome.
Have a great class.
And I'll I'll see you in an hour, okay? - Kay.
- Buddy? - Don't get mad.
- I won't.
Hey! Are you are you serious? I was just about to go get lunch for everybody.
Get back inside right now.
Just remember, you know the case.
- Don't be nervous.
- I'm not nervous.
Oh, I thought I saw you laughing.
It's a little joke.
You can laugh at it.
Very little.
Don't worry.
I got it.
Mr.
Stoller, I'm Micah.
I'll be representing you today.
You look just like my daughter.
Thank you.
Now, there are You'll make sure I get to see her again soon, right? I'm not sure if the foster home comes with a ramp.
I'm sorry? - Um - Counselor? So are we ready here? - Could I have a copy of that bench brief? - Miss? You do not address opposing council directly.
You ask through the court.
Right, right.
Sorry.
Stand.
- If the court pleases itself - If the court what? If the court pleases itself oh, oh.
Excuse me.
Ooh, sorry.
Ooh.
Would the court please ask opposing counsel for a copy of the bench brief? "If the court pleases itself.
" Can you imagine? Nervous? Let's start by going around and checking in.
I see some new faces here today.
How about you, Nina? Wha oh, no.
I'm sorry.
I'm just here to make sure that Diamond completes - the class, so - Nina, everyone talks here.
Okay, I just I I don't have any anger issues, so You seemed angry when we were talking earlier.
No, no, that that I don't think that was anger.
What was that? That was just, like, a brief feeling of annoyance, hostility, a little bit of rage, just a tinge of hatred, but, no.
Has your anger ever hurt your relationships or affected your work, cost you a job? - Nope, nope, nope.
- No? Mm-mm? - Mm.
- Mm.
Well, I mean, once I I did I had, like, a tiny meltdown.
I broke some things, and I got fired.
But, uh, I mean, that happens, right? Thanks, Nina.
That was a I mean, but do any of you guys ever think that that's a little unfair? Like, I mean, 'cause I worked so hard to get to where I was.
And then with one little freak-out, it's all gone.
My loft, my job, my daily Saengseon Hoe.
I just I don't need to just forget it.
- It doesn't matter.
- Great share, Nina.
- Thanks.
- So does any It is so hard to forget it, though.
It's like We will then highlight the accuser's own history of abuse And the lasting ramifications it may Excuse me, Counselor.
And analysis of the multiple stab wounds The defendant received.
What is going on? His face heavily bludgeoned.
Okay, Your Honor, members of the jury Thank you, Counselor The defense finds these accusations laughable.
What we intend to prove is that the accuser's own history of violence, coupled with the injuries sustained in the fight, would suggest that our client, Mr.
Stoller, was not an aggressor.
On the contrary, he acted in self-defense, - per criminal code, uh - 3470.
3470.
Thank you.
Now, take you back to that day So that's where my fear of full-body Halloween costumes comes from.
Thanks for all of that.
Next, Diamond.
Oh, hi, um, name's Diamond, because I have a hardness of ten.
I mean, I'm kind of a softie inside, you know? - Sure.
- I mean, I do get angry.
- Sure.
- I mean, I do.
And that's just because I'm alone.
And, you know, no one really looks out for me, you know? Like, never.
I no one ever looks out for me.
I'm just kind of like Tom Hanks on that island but with no volleyball.
- Aw, man.
- Hold it together, brother.
It's gonna be all right, man, keep your head up.
Are you kidding me right now? No one ever looks out for you? No one? Uh, who got you the great plea deal? Who got you a job offer? Who got you into this class? All me.
I let you mug me.
I gave you a lunch.
I gave you a shirt.
I mean, it was a real boring shirt.
- It wasn't sexy.
- Was it green? It was nothing spectacular.
I have spent the past 24 hours babysitting you for less than what a babysitter gets paid.
Sh what do you think this is? - The Blind Side? - Please, Sandra Bullock.
- Teach me how to use a fork.
- And how to sleep in a bed.
I was helping you.
We're not here to make you feel better about yourself.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Did you even know that she even gave me the Cosby speech? Okay, you know what? That's it.
That's it.
I'm so sorry that I tried to help you, that I tried to fix things for you, okay? I'm so sorry.
And you know what, Ruth? I don't have an anger problem, all right? Ugh! Son of a bitch! Oh! I'm actually having a bit of a flashback right now.
So this class is every Thursday.
Is that right? Okay.
No, don't don't don't throw it away.
That's it.
It's over.
Hank is gonna steal the ball right now.
No, what? He wears 44, which numerology tells us means "balance.
" So in the first period, he had the ball stolen from him, remember, so - Hank steals the ball.
- Holy crap! - Who are you? - It's easy.
Hey, I should've given you more credit.
And I'm sorry I acted like a giant butthole.
Mm.
Hey, you're gonna make a great lawyer.
And don't worry about the courtroom stuff.
That was hard for everybody.
Well, except me.
I used to sweat.
Larry used to puke.
And he still does.
Micah, you're gonna be fine.
Thanks, Phil.
- Hey.
- What what happened? Proof of job application, start papers for anger management I did it.
Diamond's out.
No sweat.
- Well, maybe a little sweat.
- All right.
Got to say, though, Whitley, I'm impressed.
I'm impressed.
And a bet is a bet.
You win 10 bucks.
But you were right.
The system's broken.
So you know what? We both win.
No, we both lose.
Do you understand how money works? Okay, we'll get two whiskeys and some tape.
Here we go.
Last of theSaengseon Hoe.
Mmm.
Hey, thanks for hooking me up with this gig, all right? - I mean, you know - Yeah.
Oh, oh, oh! Sorry about that.
Five-second rule.
- Oh.
- Oh, you ain't paid for that.
What's what's that doing in there? I don't think I want the fish anymore.
Uh, okay, well, I'ma still have to charge you for this.
Okay.
Oh.
Anger management techniques.
You're on a beach.
- It's warm - Hmm.
And this big-titty chick is kissing you - all on your - Give me the fish.
I am gonna go make a cat very happy.