Best Friends Whenever (2015) Episode Scripts

N/A - Princess Problems

1 (Bell ringing) I don't know if this is "new semester" swagger, or "we recently saved all of space and time" swagger, but either way, swagger, right? I know! We finally got time travel under control, I haven't had a zit in two weeks, and I think I finally walked all the slippery out of these boots! (Screams) (Shelby grunting) Shelby, are you okay? That was so embarrassing.
How long till they remember they're time travelers and they can just jump back and erase this? Cyd, we can use time travel to jump back and get the jacket that I have that matches these shoes that almost killed me! Also you can not fall down the stairs.
Eight point two seconds! They're getting faster.
I'm gonna use the banister this time.
Safety swagger, like a boss! Cyd: Hey, Barry, Naldo, what's up? We just changed history.
Saved you from a timeline where I wasn't wearing this jacket.
You're welcome.
You know, as the only actual scientist in the group, it's already a cosmic joke that you girls got this power instead of me.
The least you could do is utilize a modicum of discretion.
Which one? Discretion.
Barry, relax.
We're good at this.
There's not a single time travel problem that me and Shelbs can't handle.
There's a time travel problem behind me right now, isn't there? Whoa! She's so fancy! Glad I went back and got this jacket.
(Clicks tongue) I know it sounds crazy But time doesn't faze me Ever since it lost its hold on me Hey, hey Hung out till midnight Missed the curfew, that's all right I'm back to bed and right on time, you'll see Whenever You need me I'm right there with you Whenever There's something You wanna redo The clock is ticking but not for me I'm living in a different reality Whenever Whatever Wherever I'm right there with you I'm right there with you Hey, hey Who is she? Why's she here? Where'd she come from? Shelby, go ask her.
Me? Why do I have to? 'Cause you're the class Welcome Buddy.
You're right, Cyd.
I took an oath.
(High-pitched) Hey, there, little fella.
I'm Shelby.
It's okay, don't be scared.
You sound like you're trying to coax a Border Collie out of a hollow log.
I am Daisy.
I was just in my room and there was a glowing tunnel and How did I get here? Was it magic? No, you came through a time rift.
It's a quantum portal connecting two traversable points in Einsteinian space-time.
Okay, yeah, it was magic.
Don't panic, but you're in Portland, Oregon and it's the year 2016.
That is not possible! When I awoke this morning, it was the year 1522.
Renaldo, what are you doing? Capturing the moment! (Camera clicks) This is what I looked like the second Daisy realized she time traveled into the future.
What is this? A tiny enchanted canvas? It's a smartphone.
(Cell phone ringing) (Gasps) (Phone shatters) I have vanquished the spirits that haunted your "smartphone".
I'm sure the warranty covers accidental stomping.
It doesn't.
My parents are gonna kill me.
Okay, she came through the time rift you created when you fought Janet Smythe.
Daisy is here because of you two.
You brought me here? Not exactly Actually (Overlapping chatter) Both: So yeah, that's on us.
I cannot be here! I must return to my time before it is discovered that I am gone! How do I get home? Don't worry, I'll figure out how to open the time rift for you girls.
Just stay here and babysit Daisy.
Renaldo, to the lab! Don't be upset you're not invited.
Lab's kind of an "us" thing.
Why'd Barry say open the time rift "for you girls" like that? Does he think we can't figure this out because we're girls? No, he thinks we can't figure this out because we have a lousy track record of figuring things out.
Well, we don't need him.
We'll show Barry that girls can do this just as well as boys.
He acted like we couldn't even babysit Daisy! Where is Daisy? Okay, Daisy is missing.
But not because we're girls.
It's because we're very bad at paying attention.
Daisy? Daisy? So, once again it falls to me to solve a catastrophe that Cyd and Shelby have caused.
You know, sometimes I wish I hadn't given them the power to time travel.
I hear ya, Barry.
Although They did kinda give themselves the power to time travel.
Yes, but it was my calculations that made it work.
True, true.
Although Really, it was my homemade hair gel that made it work.
Yes, but it was my laser.
That's how I invented time travel.
Right, you're absolutely right.
Although You did get the plans for the laser from the back of a magazine.
Are you saying that you, Cyd, Shelby and the editor of Young Physicist's Quarterly had more to do with the invention of time travel than I did? I would never say something like that.
You would not take it well.
Daisy, you can't go wandering off like that! You ran right into the middle of football practice.
You could have been sacked! Not the way our team plays.
I have to admit, that near-marauding was a much needed taste of home.
Don't worry, we're gonna get you back there.
And we're going to do it before Barry does.
Cyd, what's the one thing we can do that Barry can't? Kill a spider.
But what's the one other thing we can do Barry can't? Shave.
Also true.
But what I was going for was time travel.
I know.
I just like taking shots at Barry.
Have you discovered a way to return me to my home? Absolutely.
We're gonna jump back to the moment the rift first opened and when Daisy tries to come through, we'll shove her back in! Just like how your mom gets Bret and Chet to take a shower! There's Daisy! What are you doing? (Grunts) Zip it, old school! Come on, Shelby, push! I'm trying! But you know I quit Pilates, I'm all cardio now! (All grunting) I'd like to apologize for the "zip it, Old School" thing.
I thought I was never gonna see you again.
Shelby, we couldn't push her through the rift.
She's stuck here.
You mean I cannot return home? Oh, we're gonna get you back.
I promise.
We just need to talk to someone who knows more about science than we do.
Doyle! I thought you didn't want help from a man.
(Scoffs) Mr.
Doyle's not a man, he's a teacher.
If I use the laser to bring these tachyons to an excited state, the energy released should be enough to open a time rift.
It's working! You killed Don the alien! I'm sorry, Renaldo, but it's all in the name of progress.
I'm sure Don will be glad to hear that.
Or he would be If he still had ears! Even if Don were a real alien, there's no proof his ears were in his head.
His species could very well have had ears in their butts.
Don, if you can hear me, thank you for your sacrifice.
No, no, Mom, I'm doing great.
I found a sweet new place.
I'm really settling in.
It's also very close to work.
Oh, I gotta go.
This, uh, isn't what it looks like.
It looks like after school, this classroom becomes your apartment.
Then it is what it looks like.
But it's only temporary.
My mom threw me out.
But in a few days, she'll be begging me to move back in, right around the time that rough spot on her back needs lotioning.
All: Ew.
Aw, man, is this weekend the Renaissance Fair? I didn't get ye olde email blast.
I am Daisy, daughter of Lavinia and Leofrick Grundenwald.
(Chuckles) Chip Doyle, son of Bud and Val.
Stepson of Phil.
Doyle, we need to know how to open a time rift.
A time rift? It is a quantum portal connecting two traversable points in Einsteinian space-time.
I was paying attention.
Sorry, you can't open a time rift.
It's not possible.
It's not? (Chuckles) No.
Science is yet to prove the existence of time rifts, let alone, open one.
Of course, I'd run all this by Barry.
That's what I do when I have science questions.
Getting to your cottage was the most thrilling experience I've ever had! It was like sitting astride a team of horses galloping through the countryside, the horizon before us, the wind at our backs.
'Twas pure magic, riding the "bus.
" Shelby, have we been taking the bus for granted? A kid used my sleeve as a tissue.
So, no.
What if Mr.
Doyle is right? What if Daisy is trapped in this time forever? Maybe Barry's figured out how to open the rift.
You think Barry's figured it out? That would be terrible.
But isn't the most important thing that we get Daisy back? No, the most important thing is that we get Daisy back.
By "we" do you mean "us"? Well, I don't mean "them.
" I'm gonna go make sure that Barry hasn't opened the time rift yet.
You two are so nice.
I feel as if I'm always causing problems that other people have to take care of.
You know, my mother used to say, "If I weren't the Queen and you weren't a princess, "I'd stick you in a catapult and" I'm sorry, what? I said, "You two are so nice.
"I feel as if I'm always" No, no, no.
You're a princess? Yes, I am.
Wow, I've never met a princess before.
Not quite sure what to do.
Should I kneel? Should you kneel? Why would I kneel? I don't know, I've never met a princess before! Just do whatever you would normally do.
I guess normally after school, I'd dive into the fridge for a little snack.
You have a box of winter that you store your food in? I like to call it my stomach's waiting room.
You hungry? Well, I am a bit peckish.
Do you have any yonderberry bread? What's yonderberry bread? It's like a Scrimpton trifle but bloodier.
Man, you guys ate some weird stuff.
Now come on, help me crumple these cupcakes on top of this spaghetti.
Renaldo, I was able to sneak into the university's particle accelerator and whip up a batch of high-energy plasma.
How did you get past the security guard? With this clever disguise.
"University student"? Also, he was asleep.
This should be close enough to tachyons to open a time rift.
Finally, I will have my moment.
Let's do this.
Aw, shuds.
Look on the bright side, Barry.
You don't have to worry about losing your keys! So, how's it going? Feeling good? Having fun? Open any time rifts? Renaldo, say nothing.
She's trying to gather intelligence from us.
Don't worry, Barry.
She won't get any from me.
Doesn't look like you guys are having too much luck in here.
What makes you say that? Naldo just sent me an invite to Don's funeral.
I'll be needing a plus-two.
Plus-two! So Daisy's still with you! You haven't figured out the time rift either! But we will.
Before you do.
Shelby, wait! For Don's memorial, would you sing my favorite song? Shouldn't I sing Don's favorite song? Shelby, Don's not real.
You do know that, right? Mmm.
People in your time must be so thankful for "snack cakes.
" We are.
So thankful.
So what's it like to be a princess.
Is it amazing? It is! Well, it was.
Before Before what? My mother and father were forever going on journeys in search of adventure.
But on the eve of my 12th birthday, word reached the castle that their ship had been lost at sea.
Now, I am the sole heir to the kingdom.
Daisy, I'm so sorry about your parents.
It's all right.
I can see a statue of them from my window.
It's like they're still here with me.
But covered in bird poop.
My parents loved adventure, and now I'm having an adventure.
I've felt closer to them today than I have in a long time.
Good news! Barry's no closer to sending Daisy back than we are.
You know, when I say it out loud, it does not sound like good news.
So, what's going on here? Cyd is teaching me the joys of unbaked baked goods.
(Laughing) It's even funnier because she's a princess.
(Both laughing) She's a what now? I can't believe Daisy is an actual princess! Like a princess-princess! Cyd, I'm so nervous.
How do I usually stand? Is it like this? Shelby, calm down.
Daisy's gonna be back any second.
Don't get weird.
Your rainbox is a miracle! But I'm a bit confused by "shampoo.
" It smells like fruit, but it does not taste like fruit.
My deepest apologies, Your Majesty.
The batter of the uncook-ed cake doth stain thy tunic mightily.
Also, mine mother usually handleth the laundry.
Way to not get weird.
Why don't you borrow some of our clothes? Pick out whatever you want.
Really? No one's ever let me choose my own clothes before.
Daisy, it's the 21st century.
Pick something that's you.
So? What do you think? Cute! Lookin' good! Is she wearing our toilet seat cover as a hat? Or have we had a hat on our toilet seat this whole time? Either way, she's really pulling it off.
Renaldo, I've recreated your homemade hair gel that gave the girls the power to time travel.
This looks nothing like my hair gel.
But it's sticky, it's in a beaker and we're gonna blast it with the laser 'cause I'm gonna have my moment even if it kills us! Even if it what? Goggles on! Um, Barry? It's working! I can feel it! Nope, that's just my hands on your waist.
Out we go! My moment! I lost my lab! I lost my hat! Oh, wait, there it is.
I can't believe this happened.
I can't believe it didn't happen sooner.
It's just a minor setback.
I'll rebuild the RV.
(Stammers) It's just like a giant Jigsaw puzzle.
Renaldo, you gather all the debris with flat edges, and I'll get some rubber cement and a giant coffee table.
(Crying) Barry, you can't rebuild the RV.
That is exactly what someone who's trying to steal my moment would say! Well, I got a new theory.
All I need is a lab and something with a similar chemical composition to tachyons.
Of course! Polypeptides suspended in a lactic acid enzyme.
What the heck is that? Processed cheese sauce! What? I know stuff! About processed cheese.
To the school cafeteria! If he gets to the school before us, he could open the rift first! This is the craziest day I've ever had.
And I've been to a Viking wedding.
I hate chasing him.
But I love watching him run.
It's hilarious.
Doyle! Permission to use your lab? Go for it.
My mom's making me move back home anyway.
Hey, you were right.
First she kicks you out, then she pulls you back in.
Yeah, me and Ma are like Newton's Third Law.
"For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction!" If Newton was talking about a codependent man-child and an old lady with flaky skin in a hard to reach place.
All: Ew.
Okay then.
Kicks him out and pulls him back in What if the rift is like Mr.
Doyle and his mother? What do you mean? Since the rift opened to let Daisy out, maybe it will re-open to let her back in.
(Scoffing) That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
Now come, Renaldo, we must stuff as much cheese into our pants as we can carry! I'm gonna go after him because, um, I'm worried.
Daisy, stand where the rift first opened.
If I'm right, it will open again and we can send you home! Isn't that great? Yes.
But Everything about your time is so amazing.
Today has been one of the greatest adventures of my life.
The rift! It's back! You were right! We're gonna miss you, Daisy.
I'm going to miss you, too.
I don't have a lot of friends where I come from.
That sounds awful.
It's not so bad.
I have a room, with a window, and a door.
I've never seen the door open, but there's a slot they shove my food through.
And whoever does it, has friendly-looking hands.
Daisy, are you a prisoner? No, I'm a princess who's being held against her will in a tower.
Oh, my heavens, I'm a prisoner.
We can't let you go back there.
But I must.
I have no choice.
Yes you do.
You're in our time now.
And in our time, no one can tell you what to do.
Daisy, what do you want? I want to stay.
Then get your royal highness out of that rift! I can't move! What What's happening? It's the rift! It's trying to pull her back through! Cyd, we have to help! (All grunting) Shelby, it's too strong! Barry! Look! Guys! Help! You guys figured out the rift? That was supposed to be my moment! Barry, this is the only moment that matters! Please, we can't do it without you! (Laughing) We did it! Daisy, you're free! I don't know how to thank you.
I'd say "thank you.
" That's how we do it in 2016.
We couldn't have done it without Barry's strength.
Man, those words taste weird in my mouth.
Thank you, Barry.
I would've been banished back to my time if you hadn't been such a courageous hero.
Don't let it go to your head.
In her time, "courageous hero" probably means "thin-wristed weenie.
" Cyd, stop ruining my moment.
Barry, we'd be happy to jump back to before you blew up your lab and stop you.
Just say the word.
No, no.
I must live with the consequences of my actions.
I must also live with the sweet new garage lab my parents built with the insurance money.
This place has everything! State-of-the-art lab equipment, full virtual reality rig and a 4K TV.
It won't be easy Barry, but in time, I'm sure you'll learn to love this place.
Did you know there's a fully stocked snack closet in there? This place is the bomb.
I'm never leaving.
Shuds! I knew we made it too good.
I can't believe Daisy's here.
In our time.
Naldo, it's so cool that your mom is letting her live with you guys.
Yeah, Mom's good that way.
She's been letting me crash at her place since I was a baby.
You know, Daisy stayed because of you two.
She's kind of your responsibility.
Please, Barry, we're time travelers.
I think we can handle one princess.
(Gasps) Look what I found! I used to live down the road from this guy! Daisy, did you steal that from the Portland Art Museum? No, this painting has been in my family for generations.
Which is what I tried to explain to that man in the uniform who chased me after the loud bells went off.
Both: She stole it.
Sorry, I'm afraid I still have a lot to learn about living in your time.
Well, don't worry, 'cause we got your back.
What's on my back? Nothing.
'Cause we got it.
I still don't get it.
(Both gasp) (Whimpers) Why did we just jump there? I have no idea.