Best Friends Whenever (2015) Episode Scripts

N/A - Worst Night Whenever

1 Not right.
Not this one.
Renaldo, you've tested every single seat in the new lab.
Pick one! I can't just "pick one.
" When the Montoyas choose a seat, they sit for life.
My dad hasn't gotten out of his recliner in 25 years.
One day I hope for love like that.
Eh, I'll make this work.
It'll never last.
Shelby: Come on, I wanna see you sweat, people! (Music playing outside) (Music continues playing) Great work, guys.
Bret, I'm gonna need you to pay attention to your crossovers and really listen for those syncopated beats, and Chet, stop falling over.
What is going on here? Tonight's our sixth grade dance.
Shelby's teaching us a routine that's guaranteed to impress everyone in our class.
It's the routine Cyd and I were going to do at our sixth grade dance.
The one we never got to do because the power went out.
That power outage was the best thing that ever happened to us.
If we had done that dance, we would have been made fun of by Bianca, Briana and Brooke.
Ugh, The B-Squad.
They used to take embarrassing videos of people and text them to the whole school.
It was like a wedgie where standard messaging rates applied.
I'm telling you, we would have been B-Blasted by Bianca and her friends if we'd done that routine.
Or we would have been legends! We'll never know.
Not doing that dance is my greatest regret.
That and trying to wax my own eyebrows.
I got B-Blasted at that dance.
You accidentally lock yourself in the janitor's closet, have one tiny little meltdown and the next thing you know, the whole school's calling you "Barry Cry-senberg.
" And I bent over and ripped my pants and from that night on, I was known as "Barry Cry-senberg's Best Friend Who Ripped His Pants.
" It doesn't have to be clever to hurt.
No way we can go to that dance.
We don't want to be made fun of.
Like "Cry-senberg" here.
I'm not gonna lie, I did not expect that from Bret.
That was Chet.
Oh, that makes sense.
I know it sounds crazy But time doesn't faze me Ever since it lost its hold on me Hey, hey Hung out till midnight Missed the curfew, that's all right I'm back to bed and right on time, you'll see Whenever You need me I'm right there with you Whenever There's something You wanna redo The clock is ticking but not for me I'm living in a different reality Whenever Whatever Wherever I'm right there with you I'm right there with you Hey, hey We just scared Bret and Chet out of going to their dance.
This is a huge night and now they're gonna miss it.
Those guys always miss huge things.
Remember we they went to the carnival and they asked where the Ferris wheel was? Shelby, they were on the Ferris wheel! But sixth grade dances are once in a lifetime.
Unless you're us! Uh-oh.
I know where this is going.
Both: We're gonna jump back to our sixth grade dance.
We can do our routine before the power goes out.
We'll be like "electric slide, regular slide, "stair climb then we're taking a break.
" And everyone will be like, "No, they didn't!" But we did.
Shelbs, I'd love to.
You know I would, but Barry's just gonna say that jumping to sixth grade would shatter the space-time condominium or create some sort of pair-a-socks.
See, Barry? I listen.
Go ahead, shut this down.
Actually, I think it's a great idea.
If you guys jumped back, you could save me from the crushing humiliation I suffered after locking myself in the janitor's closet.
And we could keep Naldo from splitting his pants.
And from having eight glasses of punch.
Nothing happened, but looking back, I feel like that's too much punch for a kid.
Okay, fine, we'll go back to help these guys but that's it.
And if we get to do our dance before the power goes out, even better! Just because you said it fast, doesn't mean we're gonna do it.
We'll see about that, smack it in! (Music playing) Cyd, I promise you are not gonna regret this.
(Beeping) (Camera clicks) I already do.
Look at my outfit! Why did I wear this? Well, your mom did tell you not to.
She can't tell me what to do! Oh, right that's why.
I don't know why they even call it a dance.
No one's dancing.
Except Principal Dilmore.
See? This is exactly why we have to do our routine! Principal Dilmore can't get this party started! He can't even get his fake lawn mower started! (Music continues playing) Shelby, look, it's Bianca, Briana and Brooke.
Aw, they're so tiny.
What was everybody so afraid of? (Cell phones chimes) (Donkey braying) They Blasted the principal! These girls are ruthless! We got to get to Barry and Naldo before they do.
I'll go keep Naldo from ripping his pants.
And I'll stop Barry from getting locked in the closet.
And we'll meet on the dance floor.
Just because you said it quiet doesn't mean we're gonna do it! Curse you and your beautiful, perfect hearing.
(Sighs) (Gasps) Boys? What are you doing here? This is where the stairs end.
No, I mean, you're supposed to be at your dance.
We changed our minds.
We didn't want to look stupid.
Aw, come on, guys.
You wouldn't look stupid.
Says the guy wearing black shoes and a brown belt.
(Sighs) This is what I get for sending you boys to fashion camp.
I was really counting on you boys, being at that dance tonight.
I'm taking your mother to dinner for our anniversary and it's too late to get a sitter.
Can't leave you alone.
We won't be alone.
There are two of us.
Besides, we're sixth graders.
We're too old for babysitters.
(Car horn honks) Uh-oh! Your mother's getting antsy.
(Inhales sharply) Fine.
You can stay here.
But I'm trusting you to be responsible.
Don't use the oven, don't answer the phone, and do not open this door.
Both: Yes.
Oh! Guys? (Knocks on door) I forgot my wallet! Don't open it, Chet, it's a test.
Smart thinking, Bret.
Guys! Guys, open up! Barry? You in there? Oh! Barry, thank goodness I found you.
You're gonna get locked in here.
I, I don't know how or when but Okay, now I know when.
Don't worry, we're in this together.
Oh, man! I just said that to a mop.
Who'd I just say that to? Naldo! (Pants) Wow! I forgot how tall you were in sixth grade.
(Panting) Don't mind me, just checking out your pants.
Looking good! Huh! Usually it's my face that gets all the attention.
You know, this is kind of refreshing.
Oh, look! A cookie! No! That's weird.
Your pants didn't rip.
Hey, that looks like a quarter! Wait! Yep, it is a quarter.
Mystery solved.
Stop! I don't get it.
I know your pants are gonna rip.
I just don't know exactly when your pants are gonna rip.
No man does, Cyd.
No man does.
Well, well.
Look at this.
Hello, Bianca.
Brooke transferred to Sacred Hearts.
This is Jennifer.
But you can call her Brooke.
We do.
Check it out, girls.
Cyd thought this was a costume party And came dressed as barf.
(Camera clicks) (Girls laughing) Well, joke's on you, 'cause my mom also suggested I not wear this outfit.
Lame dig, barf.
(Laughing) You don't think that nickname's gonna stick, do you? Not a chance, Barf.
I mean, Barf.
I mean Cyd! (Sighs) Sorry about that, barf.
It's fine.
Naldo, just promise me you won't bend over tonight.
You got it, Cyd.
Uh, I got to break that promise.
My shoe is untied.
Oh, I'll get it! (Pants ripping) I ripped my pants! Do you think the B-Squad saw that? Nah.
They were too busy filming it.
Help! I'm stuck in the closet! My best friend and I have to do our dance routine before the power goes out! (Grunts) And, uh, tell the janitor his mop was broken when I got in here! If only I had a signal! (Sighs) There's got to be another way out.
A vent! (Grunting) Help! Somebody! I'm stuck in a closet! Oh, thank goodness you're here.
(Loud music oh headphones) Uh, the door closed behind me! No, no, no, no! Don't close that (Screams) (Grunts) Door.
I was gonna say door.
Okay, don't panic.
I know Barry's gonna lock himself in here.
(Stutters) And when he does, I'll stop him before we get trapped.
We're trapped in here? (Both screaming) (Knock on door) It's Neil from down the street! What is he doing here? I texted him to say we weren't going to the dance.
Maybe he wants to hang out.
But we promised Dad we wouldn't open the door for anybody.
You're right, Bret.
I'll just tell Neil that he can't come in.
Hey Neil, come on in.
Chet, what are you doing? I panicked! Hey, guys, I brought three comic books.
I figured I could read this one, you could read this one, and you could read this one.
And then we could trade, and you could read this one, you could read this one, and I could read this one.
And then we could trade, and you could read this one, I could read this one, and you could read this one.
Unless, you've already read this one.
We got to get Neil out of here.
Relax, Bret.
Let's just let him hang out.
Nothing's gonna happen.
You call that nothing? He's trashing the place! Maybe the B-Squad's forgotten all about me.
(Cell phone chimes) They just b-blasted you.
Let's get this over with.
(Hen clucking) (Chick chirping) This is so bad.
Look on the bright side.
In the future, when people can actually lay eggs, this won't be funny anymore.
No, Naldo, I mean this video is so bad.
(Chuckles lightly) It's just dumb.
I can't believe this is what I was so afraid of.
(Music playing) Look at everyone.
They're not having a good time because they're terrified of what other people will think of them.
(Chuckles) Except principal dilmore.
Naldo: That guy's dancing like nobody's watching.
And everybody's watching.
But he doesn't care.
He doesn't care what he looks like.
He doesn't care that he can't dance.
He doesn't even care that his fly's open.
To be fair, I don't think he knows his fly's open.
Because he's having too much fun! Naldo, we should all be having that much fun! Shelby was right.
We have to do that dance.
I got to go find her.
Don't tell anyone about Dilmore's fly.
We should probably be discreet about that.
(Zips zipper) What are you doing in a trash can? It's not as weird as it looks like.
I climbed in here because of my dead grandfather's shoes! Oh, you're right that's not weird.
(Chuckling) But it is super creepy.
No, his shoes are too big for me so I tripped and spilled punch on my pants.
Right in the "hot zone.
" (Sighs) I climbed in here so the b-squad wouldn't blast a video of me! (Bianca laughs) Oh, no! I know that laugh.
BIANCA: Up here, losers! It's the b-squad.
(Whimpering) This is too good.
I think he's crying.
(Whimpering) No.
No, Barry, stop that! This is why you got the nickname Barry Cry-senberg.
(Chuckles) Barry cry-senberg? You mind if I use that? Yes! Yes, I mind! Good.
Just wanted to make sure it would really sting before I blast it.
And send.
(Chuckles) That's where we laugh.
Ugh, Jennifer! You're the worst Brooke ever! They've ruined us.
We got blasted just like Dilmore and Cyd! Cyd got blasted? (Sighs) She was right.
The power going out was the luckiest thing that ever happened to us.
We never should have come back to do our dance routine.
Shelby, we got to get you out of here.
Yeah, so I can find Cyd and go home.
No, so you can do that dance routine.
Your humiliation will take all the focus off of my humiliation.
(Whirs) (Whirs) (Whirring) Bret, may I have a word? You're embarrassing me in front of Neil! Mom and Dad could be home any minute! We got to get Neil out of here! He's a party animal! Yes! Seven! I'm just trying to kick it with Neil.
And you're being a grade A dingus.
Careful, Chet.
Don't say anything you can't take back.
Or what? Or this! (Whirring) You asked for it! It's open season and I'm hunting dinguses! (Screaming) (Continues screaming) (Continues screaming) (Continues screaming) Neil! Careful with Mom's accent pieces.
They totally pull the room together! How would you know? I have a decorator's eye! One, two Shelby, unless you can accelerate this trash at 180 meters per second, you will not be able to break down that door.
I'm riding a sweet wave of panic here, Barry, so strap in.
You're in the front seat of the Anxiety Express! Three! Cyd! Barry.
Oh, Cyd! I, I am so glad you found us! Look, I need to talk to you.
No, Shelbs, me first.
You were right.
We have to go do our dance! (Stammers) I'm gonna go talk to the dj.
Meet me on the dance floor in two minutes! No, No! Cyd, wait! Hey, Barry.
Want some punch? Aren't you gonna say anything about me being in a trash can? I, uh, wasn't sure if you knew.
Cyd: Hey, West Portland sixth grade dance! You ready to get this party started? Hit it, Mr.
DJ! (Music playing) (Chuckles lightly) Shelby? (Music stops) Shelby? (Girls laughing) (Classmates laughing) Here's a thing I never thought I'd say.
It is good to be the guy in a trash can, right now.
Chet, tell Neil to put Mom's stuff down! Neil, don't do anything Bret says! Guys, my arms are getting tired.
Both: This isn't about you! Enough! I came over here for a quiet night of games and snacks and to discuss the curse words our fathers use when they're stuck in traffic! Not to get caught in the middle of World War Bret.
It's World War Chet! You're World War Chet! You're not even making sense! Don't worry, Mr.
I'll show myself out.
Oh, no, Neil.
You're not going anywhere.
Are you wearing black shoes with a brown belt? (Sighs) Get out of here, Neil! Boys, I told you expressly not to open the door.
You promised you would be responsible and you let me down.
I'm sorry, Dad.
Bret told me I shouldn't let Neil stay, but I did.
And I'm sorry too, Dad.
I vacuumed Chet's shirt off.
Maybe you were right.
Maybe we're not ready to be left home alone.
That's very mature of you boys, but your mother and I are going to have to punish you.
Where is Mom? Oh, she went to pay the bill and I went to get the car and (Gasps) I drove home without your mother! Tell you what, boys, you clean up your mess and I'll clean up mine.
I just have to find a place to buy a diamond necklace at 10:00 p.
on a Friday night.
And pick up Mom.
Yes! Right.
Your mother.
Shelby, wait! Don't turn off the power.
Cyd, you were right.
Middle school is scary and judgey and I don't want to be here anymore.
We were better off not doing the dance the first time around.
Maybe the power going out was fate saving us from humiliation.
It wasn't fate.
It was me.
What? I turned off the power.
I didn't want to do our dance because I was scared of what other people would think.
Well, I totally get it.
Let's not do it.
Let's just jump back.
No, we can't.
Back in sixth grade, I was so worried about what other people thought of me, I didn't let myself have fun.
But tonight, I realized it doesn't matter what the B-Squad or anybody else thinks.
We have to do that dance.
(Sighs) What if they laugh at us? Who cares? All that matters is I'll be out there on that dance floor having fun with my best friend.
Just because you say it all nice, it doesn't mean I'm gonna do it.
Ah, who am I kidding, of course I'm gonna do it.
(Both chuckle) Let's go show those sixth graders how tenth graders dance.
(Laughs) (Music playing) (Classmates cheering) Wow.
They're so brave.
I'm gonna go dance with them.
Renaldo, wait.
(Pants ripping) Hey, Cyd! My pants ripped! (Music continues playing) Can you believe how stupid they all look? Wha Where are you going? Get back here! That was amazing! We are definitely telling Bret and Chet to go to their sixth grade dance now.
Where have you been? You both have punch mouth, dance pits, and the look of two girls who have done something highly choreographed.
Our sixth grade dance.
We made it awesome.
Before we went back and fixed it, you ripped your pants and Barry spent the whole time in a trash can.
But I did rip my pants.
And I was in a trash can.
But this time, you liked it.
(Door opens) We're off to our dance.
You guys look great! Actually, we're a little nervous.
Guys, everyone is gonna be nervous at that dance.
So just go and don't worry about what anybody else thinks.
You guys are gonna have the best time.
You don't think the suits are too much? (Clicks tongue) No.
They cost $2,000.
Oh, yeah, that's way too much.
So you only go to your sixth grade dance once.
Unless you're us.
(Chuckles) Have fun! You think those suits are comin' home clean? I bet you $2,000 they don't.
Are you sure this is a good idea, Bret? Me? This is your idea! What? (Music playing) Why did we stop? This is all we know!