Big Time in Hollywood, FL (2015) Episode Scripts

N/A - Art Imitates Death

Previously on Big Time Honey, our boys are in trouble.
Go, go, go! This movie is a front for Holgado, and the cops know it! Monkey Largo, it's a drug deal pretending to be a movie.
- Agh! - You left me at a bus stop! I'm sorry, Darla Ben and Jack Dolfe! Get down to the ground slowly! Welcome to the party, boys.
Fu Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Where should we start, boys? Wrongful death of Jimmy Staats? Attempting to record a federal agent? Possession of enough Schedule II narcotics to put you away for 15 years! Breaking and entering! Okay, you are gonna laugh - when you hear this story.
- Dude, this is gonna be funny.
- Really? - Starting with last night.
- Yeah.
- You know, we hear that Rico the chimp actor that we've been working with - he's working with you guys.
- Might be a snitch.
Or so we think.
Cuba comes in He tells us that Monkey Largo is a fake! - We had no idea.
- Then he takes us to this house, And yeah, Jason Alexander's house.
- Who does not like Seinfeld, by the way.
- So Cuba has us rob him blind.
We're like, - But is a big child trafficker.
- "What the hell are you doing?" - The next thing we know, bam! - He's kind of like a Scarf ace.
- Explosion! - There's an explosion.
We don't know where.
- Enough! - Cuba could have been molested by our father.
- Now you listen to me.
- Yeah.
I can make this go away.
- Yes.
- Thank you so freakin' Sit down! - Okay, sorry.
- All right.
If Del sucks your [BLEEP].
Del? If you wear a wire to the set today.
Whoa! Okay.
Cuba Gooding Jr.
might have exploded and could be dead.
Yeah, he is he Or he's in Cuba we have no idea.
There is no set anymore.
If you need, you know, 60, 70 hours community service - to save face - Clean up garbage on the side of the road.
We will do whatever the hell it is.
But wear a wire crazy.
- 'Cause Cuba's dead.
- Yeah, gone.
Ooh, the dead has arisen.
Answer it on speaker.
Hello? Hah-hah, hah-hah! Jack! Where you at? Where are we? Where the hell are you? You know where I'm at, I'm on set! Listen, I need you and your brother to get over here ASAP! The financiers are here now and they want us to shoot that scene right now.
So hurry the hell up! I mean, y'all couldn't have found a black mannequin hand? Well wire Florida prison shower? There's no greater joy than a big butt boy.
Okay, you know what, I know my rights.
- I would like a lawyer or a phone call! - Yeah.
Or something besides this freaking situation! Your court-appointed attorney was due 15 minutes ago.
Well, where the hell is he? Oh, my god, sorry I'm late.
It was one hell of a night.
Ted? Hey, guys.
Are you are you our lawyer? I didn't know I was representing you.
Yeah, yes, I know these guys from church.
Don't don't say anything about the toilet cam videos or the crack, shh.
Yes, I am your lawyer, trust me.
You're in good hands.
What were you saying about wearing a wire? You've reached Dolfe Brothers Studios we can't get to the phone right now.
Oh! I can't get a hold of them.
I don't know what's going on.
I'm telling you, honey, I saw their pictures at the police station on one of those big boards with that Cuba Gooding Jr.
fellow and a whole bunch of criminal degenerate types.
And how on earth did you end up in the police station in the first place? I told you.
A little bitch of a man was being rude to me in line, so I punched his frickin' lights out.
Alan, what the hell has gotten into you? Maybe you should ask your friend Dr.
Linda because she's the one who was teaching me how to stand up for myself! Well, she did not say to get in fist fights at some strip mall parking lot.
Well, she doesn't know anything anyway, does she? She's just one of your friends from the [BLEEP] book club! She is an accredited life coach.
Well, whoop-dee-doo! Okay, you know what? Our children's well-being is at stake so I'm not arguing with you anymore.
I am going down there to that movie set of theirs and I am gonna get them out of whatever trouble they've gotten themselves into.
And I'm going, too.
All right, we'll go together.
Okay.
Okay.
Look, we do this my way.
We do it right, we get the drop on them and we're out of their clean.
I've never been on a raid like this, it sounds dangerous.
Follow the playbook.
Keep your head on the swivel and we get out alive.
What about the Dolfe boys and Plimpton? Oh, [BLEEP] the Dolfe boys and Plimpton! They're gonna be right in the middle of the raid! I don't mind losing a couple of informants, if it means bringing that bitch down.
Now let's get 'em wired up.
Yes, sir.
Informants? Um are you guys good on rape kits? Okay.
What the [BLEEP], Darla? Can I get you some cheese, you rat bitch? Oh, my god, Jack, it's not Del's fault! Then whose fault is it? It's our fault! All of this is our fault! - Jesus! - I guess it is our fault.
You know, it's our fault for befriending Del in the first place.
God knows there's something wrong with him.
But you know what? What? I'd do it all again.
What? I mean not everything, but most of it, because think about it in the end, really, what are we guilty of? - I mean, you want me to list all the stuff? - No, no, no I mean, what made us do what we did to get in here? Well, we were chasing our dream.
- Exactly! - Okay.
We were just chasing our dream! We were chasing our freaking dream.
Okay, did we commit a few crimes? Yes, we did! Did Jimmy Staats die? Yes yes, he did.
Did we defecate a corpse? Desecrate, yes.
Yes, but did we stick together? - Yes, we stuck together! - Yes! - Yes! - Yeah! Shut up, Del! I'm not over it! I'm trying to forgive you, but I haven't yet.
I tell you one thing, Jack, I got a crazy idea.
Just hearing you say that makes me wet.
I say, no matter what happens, we finish Monkey Largo! We are finishing Monkey Lar Technically, it is an elaborate sting operation, I want to bring that up.
But it's our elaborate sting operation, right? Yes! Who gives a [BLEEP]? Yeah, it's our goddamn movie! It is our [BLEEP] movie! - Yes! - Yes! - Get over here, Del! - I'm sorry, guys! That's okay, Del! I love you! I love you, Del! I love you guys! Okay, it's time, let's go.
Wire us up, you pig son-of-a-bitch! What? - I apologize.
- Yeah, he didn't mean that.
I need to make a stop.
How much time we got? 20 minutes.
Hello? Hey.
Del? I just want you to know, if we don't make it out it's been a pleasure being your brother.
Sweetie? I know that I'm not around as much as you want me to be.
And a pleasure being yours.
It wasn't as much as I want to be, either, but, um I got something big coming up.
I got something today.
And I just needed to know It just might make you proud of me.
What we had was it real? You bet it was! I love you, baby.
Love you, Daddy.
If anything happens to me, I just want to let you know I love you.
I love you, too, Del.
God You're goddamn right, I am.
Are you ready? Drive.
Let's go.
Thank god he got rid of that toupee.
I have a visual on the Dolfe boys.
Any sign of Holgado? Negative.
She's around here somewhere, Zdorkin.
She's too much of a cowboy not to be, so keep your eyes peeled.
Copy that.
Okay, just play it cool.
Yeah, that's easier said than done.
- I've never had to wear a wire before.
- Oh! Oh hey.
Oh, Jesus Christ! He just got made! Should we engage? Hold! He's gonna waste him! I said hold, goddamn it! Oh, great, great, great! You got the sound mic on already.
Yes, he's got the sound mic on.
For the movie.
All right, now come on, we got a lot to shoot now.
So let's go.
All clear.
Maintain positions.
Copy that.
Jesus Christ! What a bunch of morons! What happened to your hand? Don't worry about my hand.
Y'all are working for the police? They made us do it, I swear! - Bitch don't lie to me.
- Okay.
To all law enforcement personnel, judges and future jurors I'm being held against my will.
Now y'all listen to me.
Listen to me! You stick to the script as written, then you get the hell out of the way, understand? Yes, yes.
Go get the camera ready.
Go! Hey, what do you want me to do? We're making a movie, aren't we? - Get into costume, come on, let's go! - Okay.
- Let's go! Hurry up! - Cuba, I'm really sorry.
And you! Yell action when I say, hear me? Your face Don't worry about my face! Just do it! Hey, you're the, uh, the writer/director, yeah? Awesome stuff, man, I love the work.
The name is Barry Woodruff, I'm playing Columbian Drug Smuggler #3.
Cool, cool, so I wanted to talk to you about the script Right.
Just for a sec, I was wondering that maybe if when me and my drug-dealing cronies get busted by the police, maybe my character's got a line in there somewhere.
Something bad ass like, "You'll never take me alive!" You know, just something to kind of get into the mood and add a little dramatic conflict? No, no, just stick to the script.
Script, dude, okay, that's perfect.
Yep, you wrote it, you know how you want it, that's cool.
So I have zero lines and you are not cool with improv.
I heard that Kubrick was the same way.
Yes.
This is a nightmare! This is a [BLEEP] nightmare! Come on, come on, come on, come on.
The bitch stole my boat.
- Wait here.
- What? I'm not waiting anywhere, these are my children.
Hey, these are my kids, too, so you just keep your pretty little behind in that seat right there and let a man handle this situation.
- Alan! - Okay, I shouldn't have said that.
I don't like this new version of you at all! It's just They walk all over me.
They don't take me seriously.
If I have to go out there and tell off one of these celebrity types with my wife with me it just it just it won't I need this, honey.
Let me have this one.
All right, go and get the boys.
Just don't get into any more fights.
Well, that depends who ticks me off.
- Alan! - Okay, I won't, thank you.
All right, you bastards, time to suck my junk.
The shipment has landed, sir.
I repeat, the shipment has landed.
She's on that boat, Zdorkin.
You want us to intercept, sir? Negative.
But, sir, you just told I know what I just said, Zdorkin! But it's too risky.
Just hold your position until we have visual confirmation! Copy.
Hold.
Si.
Roll the damn camera! Call it! Hey! Call it now! Action.
Come, comrades, we must sneak these drugs into the Americas.
We go.
We are sneaking drugs in, no police.
Freeze! Police! We're here to confiscate the drugs! Oh, no! They've caught us! Take the drugs and confiscate the van, too! They're loading the van with the drugs, sir.
Should we intercept? Hold your position.
Do not intercept until you have a visual on the target.
There won't be anything to intercept, sir, if we don't make a move soon.
Zdorkin, without her, we have nothing.
Damn it! Hold.
Come on, y'all, hurry up! Let's go, let's go! Make sure you get all them drugs off that boat! Hey! Hey! Dad? We got some talking to do, Jack! Alan? Sir, we have a situation here.
Jesus Christ! Hey, asshole! You're in the middle of the shot! Bald asshole to you! Fine, bald asshole, you're ruining the movie! Well, listen, Mr.
Gooding "Junior" things are gonna get a whole lot worse here in a second, my friend so maybe you just ought to "take five".
All right, pal? Is this in the script? Hey, Dad, Dad? What are you doing? Boys, I got some really bad news for you.
It seems that some of your associates here happen to be wanted criminals.
Ssh! Oh, this is Mr.
Tattoo Man.
I didn't see a Mr.
Tattoo Man on the call sheet.
The police are very interested in you and your lady friend.
No, no, they're not.
This is a psycho.
Please, please, this way! Dad, get the [BLEEP] out of here! This man has Alzheimer's '.
This is a sick, sick, bald asshole.
Back to I got visual on Holgado! Do you read me? A visual on Holgado! Do you copy? Alan! Hey, hey, hey, Alan, Alan! Whoa! It's my friend and neighbor Bruce! Or should I say, undercover police agent! We're a go! We're a go! We're a go, go, go, go, go, go! Okay, that's that.
This all feels like improv.
I thought he said no improv.
You know what? Screw it! I'm gettin' my line in! You'll never take me alive! Take him out! Huh? Oh, god! Agh! Oh! Agh! What are you doing? Get down! Put it down! Agh! No! - You're going down! - Wait! Ben! No! Oh! Thank god! Oh, hey, guys, I don't have my - Agh! That's it! - Oh, what an idiot! They told me this was a movie! Oh! Agh, Jesus! Who are we shooting at? The film crew! What about the drug dealers and the other cops? They're actors.
Aw, [BLEEP]! I think I killed an actor! On my count, one, two, three! Agh! Agh! Zdorkin! Welcome to Monkey Largo, mother[BLEEP]! Agh! Oh! Okay, hey, hey! Agh! Zdorkin? Zdorkin! Don't die on me, goddamn it! Let's dance, bitch.
Agh! Oh, no, no, no, no! Not good.
Not good.
Okay, okay, wait! You ruined everything! No! Wait, wait, wait, wait! Rico! Rico! You saved my life! - Well, I'll be! - Oh, my god! You had a bulletproof vest? Looks like our little chimp friend here saved Oh! Rico! Whoa! Whoa! Put it down! Rico! That was a police officer! I think I broke my ribs.
You tried to save my life.
You're my little brother.
Of course, I did.
Hey, ooh, careful! Get in here, Del.
Hey.
Hey.
What happened? Hey, yo! It was great working with you, fellas! Where are you going? Wherever the wind takes me, my brother, wherever the wind takes me.
- Awesome.
- Hey! Who's got two opposable thumbs and loves you like crazy? - Did we write that? - We wrote that.
Yeah.
I'll see you when I see you, fellas! Cuba Gooding Jr.
is the coolest.
He's the best! I didn't really get to know him.
- Oh.
- I think he liked you.
We should go.
Yeah, we should we should We should go.
- We should definitely go.
- Dad? We should go.
Okay, okay, yeah, good idea.
Uh, I'm gonna I'm gonna rinse off real quick.
Oh, my god.
Oh! Yes! Oh Oh! They can't convict you, my sweet pie! Not without evidence.
It's a lot of evidence.
You'd be pretty easy to put you away.
Hello? Hello? Oh, hi boys! Are you alright? - Yeah! - Yeah! Where's your father? Uhhhm Alan? What happened to your clothes? The horror, Diana.
Horror! Well Maybe you wait in the car next time huh? Backle up! Boys, we're gonna have a chat when we get home.
- Home - Hmmm, that sounds nice.
You all are really great actors.
Hello? Anybody down here? Hello?