Breaking Bad Episode Scripts

Cat's in the Bag...

Are you okay? - You are a life saver.
- Yeah, man.
- We can't thank you enough.
- Hey, mad props.
I could have sworn the guy said south.
But then, all of a sudden we're off the main road.
I'm trying to read the map while I'm driving, which is a bonehead maneuver.
And all of a sudden Bam, we're in that ditch.
Yeah, bam, I'm like, what the hell? You know? Yes, and my coffee mug.
Coffee? My mug of coffee? It spills all over my pants.
I mean, just a nightmare.
Dude, you so need GPS.
I mean, for real.
Like I said, we couldn't be more grateful.
Can't we just dump 'em here? What, then somebody finds them? Then what? People have seen us.
You're gonna flood it, man.
I'm not gonna flood it.
She's not gonna flood, all right? We're just gonna stay positive, right? We're going to clean up this mess.
Wish you would start.
Damn it.
See? You flooded it.
All right.
All right.
You know what? The RV is going to start now.
The RV is going to start right now.
It's gonna start and we're gonna drive it over to your house.
- My house? - Yes.
We'll drive it over there and park it overnight.
- And then tomorrow - No, man, not my house! Shut up! After we finish cleaning up this mess, we will go our separate ways.
Our paths will never cross.
And we will tell this to no one.
Understood? What, I can talk now? Fine.
That goes double for me.
Be good to me.
Oh, shit.
"The Cat's in the Bag" Yeah, absolutely.
You wanna hear something funny? We had a faculty meeting last Thursday and the topic was senior class photos, and how we had instituted a new rule last year that seniors are allowed to have photos taken by a photographer of their choice, Not necessarily the photographer that the school hires, right? So Anyway, some of the senior girls were going to that Glamour Shots place, to have their photos taken, and now they're bringing us all these photos, and Joan Epperman, you know Joan, suddenly has to go through all these photos and turn them down, because they show cleavage.
Did you get enough pancakes, sweetie? Yeah.
I'm good.
You know, even these small-busted girls have cleavage.
Apparently there's some new type of brassiere, or something.
The Wonderbra It's the Wonderbra.
Hey, there.
You've reached Walt, Skyler and Walter, Junior.
We can't come to the phone right now, so please leave us a message.
Hello, Mr.
White.
This is AT&T calling.
Are you happy with your current long distance service? 'Cause if you're not, I would definitely, really love to talk to you as soon as possible about Hello? Hello.
This is Walter White speaking.
You said he was practically dead, okay? You said he would die any minute! Listen, I am having breakfast with my family right now, and I really don't appreciate these sales calls.
Well, too bad, man, 'cause guess what.
He's still not dead! I went and put my ear to the RV, I can hear him, like, rolling around in there, all right? I think he's awake, man, I think he's trying to get loose.
Where the hell are you? I'm freaking out over here! - Calm down, damn it.
- Are you gonna help me clean this up? - We got loose ends here! - Calm down! I will be there after school.
After school? Are you shitting me? Ditch it, man, call in sick.
Listen, that is just not going to work for me.
I'm not interested in that at all.
And I would appreciate if you don't call here anymore.
Damn.
They're so annoying, those people.
- You have a good day, sweetie.
- Okay, Mom.
You too.
Bye, honey.
- Drive safe.
- Okay.
Yo, yo, yo, 148-3369, representing the ABQ.
What up, biatch? Leave it at the tone.
So, the term "chiral" derives from the Greek word "hand.
" The concept here being that, just as your left hand, and your right hand are mirror images of one another, right? Identical, and yet opposite.
Well, so too organic compounds can exist as mirror image forms of one another all the way down at the molecular level.
But although they may look the same, they don't always behave the same.
For instance I'm sorry For instance Thalidomide.
The right-handed isomer of the drug Thalidomide is a perfectly fine good medicine to give to a pregnant woman to prevent morning sickness but, make the mistake of giving that same pregnant woman the left-handed isomer of the drug Thalidomide, and her child will be born with horrible birth defects.
Which is precisely what happened in the 1950s.
So, chiral, chirality, mirrored images, right? Active, inactive.
Good, bad.
Yes, Ben? Is this gonna be on the murder? What? Is this gonna be on the mid-term? The chirality on the mid-term? No, no, well, maybe, maybe, yes, you know, but prepare for it to be on the mid-term.
Can't hurt to know it, right? Knowledge is power! Oh, no, no Not good.
Not good.
What the Hey, you.
Listen No, no, no, no! Oh, God! MILF's? What the hell is a MILF? Now what? The other one, out in the RV, he's - You're sure? - Yes.
Positive? - Feel free to go check it yourself.
- Yes, good idea.
Maybe I should do that before he, too, wanders off on the damn street! - Okay, you know what, I - All right, all right! The one downstairs, tell me about him.
Come on, anything, something! - Start with his name, at least! - Krazy-8.
Krazy-8? What the hell does that even mean? I don't know, man, okay? I mean, he's like, Krazy-8, okay? I don't know.
So, you work with him regularly? No, not him so much.
- His cousin, mainly.
- Who's his cousin? - The guy out in the RV! - All right, all right.
Krazy-8's one level higher.
One level higher? Yeah, you know, not like street level.
Higher.
You know, there's like a Starbucks at every corner? Krazy-8 is, like, the dude that sells Starbucks his beans.
Okay, so he's a distributor.
Okay, so, is he I mean, is he In other words What is his reputation for violence? Well, um He did try to kill us both yesterday, so there's that.
What I'm trying to say is that he's a distributor, right? He's a He's a businessman, he's a man of business.
It would therefore seem to follow that he is capable of acting out of mutual self-interest, yes? What? Do you think he is capable of listening to reason? What kind of reason? Like "Dear Krazy-8, listen, "if I let you go, will you promise not to come back and waste my family? "No Colombian neckties.
" You mean that kind of reason? No, man, I can't say as I have high hopes where that's concerned.
What was that? What was what? Come see! We gotta tie him up.
Why the hell didn't we tie him up? Because he was out cold.
But what if he's faking it? Like if it was me, I'd be all faking being knocked out, yo! And then, when the coast is clear, I'd be up looking for weapons and shit, waiting to pounce! Now if it was me, and I couldn't find a decent enough weapon, I would just lie back down, and bide my time.
So now what do we do? You keep asking me that like you think I have some answer.
- Well, you gotta do something! - We! We have got to do something, and I am opened to suggestions.
Man, uh-uh, okay, this whole thing was your deal! Don't you dare put that on me! You brought those guys out there, this is your responsability! Like I came to you, begging to cook meth.
"Nerdiest old dude I know, you wanna come cook crystal?" Please! "I'd ask my diaper-wearing granny, but her wheelchair wouldn't fit in the RV.
" What about the the phosphate gas? Phosphine gas.
What about it? I mean, do you think it still might kill him? You know, with like a delayed reaction or something? I don't know.
- You're supposed to be a scientist! - Look! This isn't even the issue that demands immediate attention.
We have got a body in that RV, and it's getting warmer outside, understand? And we have got to do something about that soon.
And in a way that no one will ever find it.
Now that last part is very, very important.
Therefore, it seems to me that our best course of action would be chemical disincorporation.
Dissolving in strong acid.
Oh man, that's messed up.
You're not You're not serious? You're serious? Who's gonna do that? And don't look at me! I guess we'll both do it together.
No, Mr.
White, okay, I'm not good with dead bodies.
We're in this 50/50, okay? I guess the only other fair way to go about this would be that one of us deals with the body situation, while the other one of us deals with the Krazy-8 situation.
In a scenario like this, I don't suppose it is bad form to just flip a coin.
- Heads or tails? - I'll do the body in the acid, okay? Heads or tails? Heads.
Best two out of three? Yo, yo, yo, 148-3369, representing the ABQ.
What up, biatch? Leave it at the tone.
Mr.
White, it's me, pick up.
I got a container question.
Hello? Mr.
White, pick up the phone, man! Yes? What kind of plastic, man? Polyethylene.
How the hell am I supposed to know that? Because I told you.
Look, just look at the bottom for a triangle stamped "LDPE.
" It should be molded right into the plastic.
Yeah, yeah, LDPE.
Right on, got it.
But I don't know, man, this feels kind of flimsy.
Any decent acid's gonna eat right through this.
- Not hydrofluoric.
- Why not? Look, you skipped, clowned around or otherwise jerked off to every lecture I ever gave.
As far as I'm concerned, your chemistry education is over.
Oh, okay.
Be a dick about it.
So, hey, have you Have you done the thing? Yeah, I'm working up to it.
You know what? I bet he doesn't even wake up.
Not even if you took him to the hospital right now.
Now, if it was me, I would just try and think of it like I was I was doing him a favor.
Who's there? Don't you fucking play games with me.
Who's there? Yeah, I see you.
What are you gonna do? I need water! Bring me some water, would you? Please? You don't like the crust? Where's my cousin Emilio? He dead? Hey, Mr.
White! Mr.
White? Are you smoking weed? Oh, my God! Wait a minute.
Is that my weed? What the hell, man? Make yourself at home, why don't you? So what did you end up buying? Nothing.
No store in town sells a plastic bin big enough for a body.
I don't suppose you could buy two bins Legs in one, torso in the other? God.
I don't suppose you could kiss my ass? How did it go? So you didn't do it? Not yet.
God.
- I gotta go.
- What? No, come back here! Sorry.
I'll do it tomorrow, I promise.
Tomorrow? I've got a doctor's appointement, I gotta go.
Look, stay away from him.
He's awake.
Hey, man, we flipped a coin.
We flipped a coin! We're good? We're very good.
We're excellent, I'd say.
Oh, would you look at that face! Smile, peanut! So, who's up for knowing? Girl.
Girl? - You sure? - Pretty sure.
Can I tell you this is exactly what I was hoping? You remember you said that when she's 16 and starts dating.
Looking fabulous.
Let me see if they're done with the blood sugar, then we'll get you out.
I'll be right back.
Who is Jesse Pinkman? Jesse Jesse Pinkman.
He called just this morning, Walt, please don't deny it.
It says on his MyShout page he attended Wynne.
Was he one of your students? Yeah.
He was nobody.
Who is he to you? Why is he calling? What is this big secret you seem to be discussing with some druggie burn-out? You don't come home last night until 2 in the morning, you don't tell me where you've been.
You spent the entire night in the bathroom, Walt.
Tell me what's going on with you.
Don't you think you owe me that? Who's this Jesse Pinkman to you? He sells me pot.
He sells you pot? Marijuana, yeah.
Not a lot.
I mean, I don't know.
I kinda like it.
Are you out of your mind? What are you, like 16 years old? Your brother-in-law is a DEA agent.
What is wrong with you? Skyler I just haven't quite been myself lately.
Yeah, no shit.
Thanks for noticing.
I haven't been myself lately, but I love you.
Nothing about that has changed.
Nothing ever will.
So right now, what I need is for you to climb down out of my ass.
Can you do that? Will you do that for me, honey? Will you, please, just once, get off my ass? You know, I'd appreciate it.
I really would.
Stop! Stop in 15 minutes.
Just meat, is all.
Just a bunch of meat.
Oh, Jesus.
It's cool, you're cool.
You're all good, yo.
You're all good in the hood.
It's fine.
Just a bunch of meat, come on.
You got it.
Excuse me! Excuse me? You.
Yes, you.
May I talk to you? This is private property! Just a minute.
I wanna talk to you.
No, I'm not interested.
Hey, don't touch me! Do not touch me.
All right, look, not touching, okay? Not touching here.
Look, lady, whatever you're selling, I ain't buying, yo.
Well, my name is Skyler White, yo.
My husband is Walter White, yo.
He told me everything.
- Seriously? - That's right.
And just so you know My brother-in-law is a DEA agent.
And I will not hesitate to call him.
Not if I have to.
Understood? This is your one and only warning.
Do not sell marijuana to my husband.
- Okay.
- I mean it.
Don't call our house again.
You stay away from him, or you'll be one sorry individual.
You got me? I think so, yeah.
No more marijuana.
I can dig it.
You can dig it.
Wonderful.
Not that it's any of my business, but you might wanna consider a different line of work.
Okay.
"Let's go to your house, yo! "Makes perfect sense.
Let's "Let's completely screw up your house "so you never wanna spend another night in it.
" "Sure.
You know, why not?" "And then, how's about I send over my psycho-bitch wife to "you know, break your balls and threaten you? "God, that'd be hilarious.
" "And then, the killer in the basement? "The one who's completely my responsabilty.
"Hell, let's just let him live down there.
"Just, I don't know, make sure to feed him, like "three times a day.
" "Sure, why not? "That would be amazing.
"Thank you so much for the opportunity.
"I always dreamt about, I don't know, melting bodies.
" You got a brother in the goddamned DEA? What? You said you were just doing some ride-along.
Yes or no, do you have a brother in the DEA? Brother-in-law.
Now there's a load off my mind.
Where did you hear that? Your freaking wife told me when she was here all up on my shit.
Yeah, that's right.
She almost caught me moving Emilio! Good job in wearing the pants in the family.
And why did you go and tell her I was selling you weed? Because somehow, it seemed preferable to admitting that I cook crystal meth and killed a man.
Is that what I think it is? Yeah, it is.
I smoked a bowl, so what? My house, my rules.
Hey, no, no! Don't give me that, okay? I held up my end.
I already took care of Emilio.
You're still diddling around, trying to get your nut up.
Well, boo-hoo.
I have the truly awful job here.
You wanna talk awful? You wanna go there? Try dragging 200 pounds of stink up a flight of stairs.
I barely got him in the bathtub! Bathtub? What - What do you mean, "bathtub"? - That's another thing, Why you got me running around town, trying to find some stupid piece of plastic, when I have a perfectly good tub I can use? Oh, God.
I'm sorry, what were you asking me? Oh, yes.
That stupid plastic container I asked you to buy.
You see, hydrofluoric acid won't eat through plastic.
It will however dissolve metal, rock, glass, ceramic.
So there's that.