Breaking Bad Episode Scripts

A-No-Rough-Stuff-Type Deal

In closing, I can tell you we take this very seriously.
APD as well as the DEA.
Stopping the manufacture and sale of methamphetamines remains one of our highest priorities.
And the theft of lab equipment from your school is also receiving our highest attention.
Rest assured, no stone will go unturned in our search for the person or persons responsible for this.
If you have any questions, now would be the time.
You're talking like you haven't caught anybody yet.
What about the janitor that was dealing drugs at the school? There is no indication that this individual was selling drugs.
He was arrested for having a small amount of marijuana in his car, not in the school.
And he's since been fired.
I heard he had a record.
I'd like to know how he got a job here in the first place.
- Why wasn't there a background check? - There was one.
We're currently reviewing our hiring policies.
You better be doing more than that.
He was arrested in front of my daughter.
This guy was stealing the lab equipment, right? That's not our thinking at this time.
We are looking at others who had access, not limited to the maintenance staff.
Are you saying there was a break-in? Do we know exactly when this happened? I mean, could it have been during school hours? We haven't been able to establish a date or time, but there is no sign of breaking or entering.
Whoever took it had a key? We're talking inside job? Someone who's still at the school? At this time I'm not able to discuss the details, but what I can tell you is that we have some very good people working very hard on this case.
I'm sorry, Officer.
But that sounds like double-talk.
We're trying to protect our children.
You have to level with us.
Really, we are giving you all the information we have.
You know what I'd like to see in this school? Drug-sniffing dogs.
Yeah, dogs, and metal detectors, and locker searches, and strip searches.
- Our district has strict policies - I heard about this school in Canada.
They arrested one of their groundskeepers with drugs.
And the next day they found out over half of the students were high on LSD.
LSD? When were you gonna tell us about the LSD? The equipment was taken from our chemistry department.
And I would like someone to give us some specifics.
Walt? Yeah.
Mr.
White is currently on medical leave.
But as he's chair of the science department, he's made a very special effort to be with us here.
And I'd like to take a moment to thank him for that.
Could you please tell us more about the equipment that was taken? - Please.
- Yes.
And thank you.
The inventory list for the missing labware is as follows: one 5,000 milliliter round bottom boiling flask, one Kjeldahl-style recovery flask, two full-face respirators, some sep funnels, a sill head with a thermometer holder Ow, my knee.
Where did that come from? And why was it so damn good? Because it was illegal.
"A No-Rough-Stuff-Type Deal" Unfinished, of course.
But just look at all this space.
You gotta think rec room, media room.
Just imagine all the things you could do down here.
Now remember, you're buying for this fantastic neigorhood.
Big lawns and shade tress.
Walking distance to the country club.
What happened there? Bit of a fixer, but this house has great bones.
You know what? We're zeroing in.
I've got another listing, brand-new, right around the corner.
Hi.
Hi.
It's by appointment only.
I'm here to see the owner.
He's in the recreational vehicle.
Yo, it's appointment only! How you feeling? About as good as you look.
Jeez, you look like Lex Luthor.
Listen, I visited you in the hospital, but you were asleep.
Yeah, Skinny Pete said you wanted Tuco's address.
Acting like you were all out for blood.
You are alive, so obviously you wised up.
- No, I did go see him.
- Bullshit.
Are you selling your house? I got two dudes that turned into raspberry slushie and flushed down my toilet.
I can't even take a proper dump in there.
The whole damn house has got to be haunted by now.
You didn't actually go see Tuco? Here.
That is seventeen-five.
Your half of the 35,000.
Plus there's an extra 15 in there.
It's all yours.
You've earned it.
You got this money from Tuco.
Yeah.
So Tuco gave you this is what you're saying.
- We made a deal.
- You made a deal? - That's right.
- Wait.
Why would you make a deal with that scumbag? You see what he did to me? Because I think that we can do business together.
We came to an understanding.
No way, man! Okay? No understanding.
Take a look at the money in your hand.
Now just imagine making that every week.
That's right.
Two pounds a week.
Without even talking to me, you told this insane ass clown dead-eyed killer that, uh that we would give him two pounds a week? We'll just scale up our operation.
- We'll add a few more hours - Don't talk to me about hours.
What about pseudo, man? How are we gonna get that? You think the meth fairy is just gonna bring it to us? It takes me a week to get this stuff.
I'm driving all the way out to Las Cruces.
to meet up with my smurfs - Smurfs? - Dudes who go to the drugstores and get a couple boxes at a time and then sell them to me.
And that's maybe only good for, like, maybe a half-pound worth.
See, that's the bottleneck in your brilliant business plan.
All right.
Of course you would have known that if you would have just asked me.
Well, here we are again.
Here we are.
- Skyler, you look great.
- Thank you.
You must be, what, six, seven months? How goes it? It's great other than waddling to the bathroom every five minutes.
The baby shower's next week.
It'll be good to It'll be good to have a day that's just about Skyler.
Very nice.
Thank you.
Well, Walt, I see you've committed to the hair loss.
Yeah.
- How do you feel? - Oh, okay.
You know, pretty decent actually.
His color is better.
You know, his energy.
And he's even more physical.
More physical? Well sexual.
Frisky, actually.
I mean, that's got to be a good sign, right? Sure, I'll take that.
Right, Walt? Couldn't that mean that the chemo is working? Realistically, it may just mean that we've got the anti-emetics tuned right.
Truth is, until Walt's finished this round of chemo and we look at a new PET scan, we just can't say for sure.
Isn't there anything else we could be doing? I've been wondering about alternative medicine.
I mean, Eastern healing.
You know, holistic.
Well, I can't speak to its efficacy.
But as long as it doesn't interfere with our treatment, anything that helps my patient have a better outlook, a better comfort, is fine by me.
So you're saying it's all psychological.
It doesn't make any real difference.
Having a better outlook can make a tremendous difference.
But it's also important that we manage our expectations.
What? A junkyard? Let me guess, you picked this place? What's wrong with it? It's private.
This is like a non-criminal's idea of a drug meet.
This is like, "Oh, I saw this in a movie.
Oh, look at me.
" So where do you transact your business? Enlighten me.
I don't know.
How about Taco Cabeza? Half the deals I've ever done went down at Taco Cabeza.
Nice and public.
Open 24 hours.
Nobody ever gets shot at Taco Cabeza.
Hell, why not the mall? You know, wait at the Gap.
"Hey! It's time for the meet.
" You know, I'll put down the flat-front khakis, head on over, grab an Orange Julius.
Skip the part where psycho lunatic Tuco comes and steals my drugs and leaves me bleeding to death.
Look, you don't have to be here for this.
Okay? I mean, seriously.
I'm okay.
Nah, I'm no pussy.
I'm good.
Mr.
Clean and his boy.
I'm sorry that I had to tune you up.
Respect, ese.
You gotta give it to get it.
Hey, what are we doing way the hell out here? What, they close the mall or something? Heisenberg, come on, break it out.
That's it? That's all you got? We had some production problems.
Point five-three.
I thought you was a player.
You told me two pounds, and now you waste my time with these Chiclets? minus the half for wasting my time.
Hey, come on.
What, you're gonna argue? You got something to say? You're doing business like a couple little bitches.
I want all of it.
What did you say? You like this product, and you want more.
Consider it a capital investment.
Loco bald motherfucker.
Vig? Interest.
Weekly.
Okay.
That's $65,625 with interest.
- 1.
875 pounds.
- No.
Next Friday.
And no production problems.
Can you handle 4 pounds? Listen, old man.
Talk is talk.
But owing me money that's bad.
What did you just do? wasn't bad enough.
We're talking 200-300 boxes of sinus pills.
There ain't that many smurfs in the world.
We're not going to need pseudo ephedrine.
We're going to make phenylacetone in a tube furnace, then we're gonna use reductive amination to yield methamphetamine, 4 pounds.
- So no pseudo? - No pseudo.
So you do have a plan.
Yeah, Mr.
White! Yeah, science! Okay.
- What's this? - That is a shopping list.
Getting some of those items may be challenging.
"One autotransformer, hy hydrous methyl methylamine, two 35 M&M tube furnaces" That's MM: millimeter.
One 70-millimeter would be fine, but they're hard to come by, so "40 grams thorium nitrate"? Yo, Mr.
White, I can't even pronounce half this shit.
You know what? Count me out.
I'm leaving town.
I'm moving to, like, Oregon or something Jesse, Jesse, listen to me.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
What are you doing? This is the first day of the rest of your life, but what kind of life will it be? Will be be a life of fear, of "Oh, no, no, no, "I can't do this," of never once believing in yourself? - I don't know.
- Listen.
These things? We need them.
And only you can get them for us.
Okay, it's ready.
There you go.
Hi, baby.
I'm your Aunt Marie.
Now, you already know that because when you watch this 20 years from now, I will look exactly the same as I do now.
I know it is amazing.
I have aged shockingly well, haven't I? Anyway, welcome to your baby shower, Esmeralda! Esmeralda? Esmeralda.
That's your name, and you heard it here first.
Now, that is your wonderful, handsome older brother.
Show her, older brother, your face.
Okay.
Not right up the nose.
Not Back to me.
There's your mommy! Hello, Mommy! And look! There you are, Esmeralda! Wake up, baby! Time to party! Easy.
Believe it or not, Esmeralda, right after the party, your name was changed to Holly.
And I believe, Hank, that that was around the time that we took Aunt Marie to the insane asylum.
Yeah, yeah.
I dropped her off at the curb.
Then I married Shania Twain and lived happily ever after.
There's Daddy! Speak, Daddy! Say hello to your daughter.
Holly, I am very proud of you, and I think about you all the time.
Wherever you go, whatever you do in life, always know that you have a family who loves you very, very much.
- Cheers.
- Cheers! Oh, my God, it's so cute.
Oh, Carmen, it's Oh, look.
Look at that.
It's adorable.
I love it, Carmen.
Thank you.
You're so welcome, honey.
Thank you.
Look at the little feet.
From me.
And Hank.
What nice wrapping paper.
Marie always finds the best wrapping paper.
I do.
Okay.
Let's see what this is.
Exciting.
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
It's a a tiara.
Marie, is this White gold and several carats' worth of zircons.
Oh, Marie, you spent too much on this.
You shouldn't have.
You really, really shouldn't.
But it's so It's really It's sparkly.
Sparkly! Like wow! Thank you.
Hey, listen, Walt You got anything stronger than beer? It's just gor Oh, it's great.
I love it.
Thank you.
Thank you, sweetie, thank you.
Sorry, man.
You know, after 200 presents, it just gets kind of old.
- That's nice stuff.
- It is, isn't it? I got just the thing to go with that.
I'm sorry.
I wasn't thinking.
No, no, no, no.
It's okay.
You mind if I have one? You think it's a good idea? Hank, I've already got lung cancer.
Okay.
You got me there.
Thanks.
Cuban.
I did a little favor for an FBI guy.
Now, I was under the impression that these were illegal, hmm? Yeah, well, sometimes forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest, doesn't it? It's funny, isn't it? How we draw that line.
Yeah? What line is that? Well, what's legal, what's illegal, Cuban cigars, alcohol.
You know, if we were drinking this in 1930, we'd be breaking the law.
Another year, we'd be okay.
Who knows what will be legal next year? You mean like pot? Yeah.
Like pot.
Or whatever.
Cocaine? Heroin? I'm just saying it's arbitrary.
Well, you ought to visit lockup.
You hear a lot of guys talking like that.
"Hey, man, why'd you bust me with these 14 bales of ganja? "It's all gonna be legal next year when Willie Nelson's president.
" Shit, buddy, it doesn't only go one way, either.
Sometimes there's stuff that's legal that shouldn't be.
I mean, friggin' meth used to be legal.
Used to sell it over every counter at every pharmacy across America.
Thank God they came to their senses on that one, huh? Yeah.
Nice party.
A tiara.
A white gold tiara for a newborn baby.
Yeah.
You know, I think she got that at Gertrude Zachary's in Nob Hill.
I mean, that thing must have cost, like, what, $500 or $600.
You know what? I think I'm going to return it.
You sure? She's bound to find out.
Well, maybe I can explain to her that we need a Diaper Genie more than a white gold baby tiara.
You know, I've been thinking about what you said to Dr.
Delcavoli about alternative medicine.
Don't worry.
I'm not going to mention that anymore.
What I mean is that maybe there is something to it.
Here.
Look.
They do this Navajo sweat lodge up by Farmington.
Healing ceremony.
It's supposed to be good for your lungs.
I'm not saying that I believe in it, but you know, it might be an experience.
Really? You? In a sweat lodge? I was thinking about driving up on Friday, coming back Sunday.
I mean, if you're okay with it.
Well, of course I'm okay with that.
Okay.
- Sweat lodge? - Yeah.
I'm already sweating.
Help me out.
- Okay.
- Right.
Excellent.
This is excellent.
Very good work.
- Damn straight.
- Okay.
Hydrogen.
Electrolytically produced, yes? Yeah, like you asked.
I mean, this crap wasn't easy to get.
It was expensive.
Methylamine.
Where's the methylamine? I don't see the methylamine.
Yeah, well, that's where I ran into some trouble.
What kind of trouble? Well, half this crap I could just buy, right? But this methylamine not so easy.
They got it locked down tight.
But I did find some pros who will rip it off for us.
But they want 10 grand.
So what's the problem? You have the money.
No, had.
I already spent almost the whole wad.
I mean, I got, like, 2 grand left.
I told you, all this crap was expensive.
So these thieves, did they say where they would be stealing it from? Yeah, a chemical supply place south of town.
They got guards and security cameras, big ass steel doors.
That's why these dudes are charging so much.
What? So why don't we just steal it ourselves? Yeah? How are we going to do that? With this.
So what's this stuff called again? Thermite.
And that will cut through a lock? Because this is supposed to be one big ass lock.
In World War II, the Germans had an artillery piece, it's the biggest in the world, called the Gustav Gun, and it weighed a thousand tons.
And the Gustav was capable of firing a 7-ton shell and hitting a target accurately 23 miles away.
I mean, you could drop bombs on it every day for a month without ever disabling it.
But you drop a commando, one man, with just a bag of this and he could melt right through and destroy that gun forever.
Jeez! So yes.
I think it will cut through any lock we're likely to find.
You'd like to return this? It's very nice, but yes.
Well, it is from the store, isn't it? Oh, yes.
It's from this store.
Do you happen to have a receipt? No.
I don't.
It was a gift.
A gift.
Mr.
Wilson, could you step over here, please? Mr.
Wilson, I'd like you to watch this lady while I phone the police.
Excuse me? Ma'am, this item is stolen, as I'm sure you know.
Come with me, please.
Oh, yes.
I intend to press charges.
Please do.
We'll be here.
Look, I I've never stolen anything in my life, all right? I told you.
That tiara was a gift.
A baby shower gift.
So who gave it to you, then? - I don't think I have to tell you that.
- You don't have to tell me anything.
You can talk to the police, and I can tell them how my daughter-in-law remembers showing this particular item to a tall blonde woman who, when her back was turned, walked right out the door with it.
So there.
Oh, yeah? Then I can talk to the Channel 3 News.
Yeah.
I can tell them how you people, without a shred, without a modicum of evidence, illegally detained an innocent pregnant woman in a dank storeroom.
- This is my office.
- I feel I'm being held hostage.
Furthermore, I'm not getting enough air back here.
I don't think I can breathe.
Oh, my God.
Oh, no.
I'm going into labor.
Yes, I Hi.
You've reached Marie.
Do the beep thing.
Marie? It's Skyler.
I just left Zachary's.
I need to talk to you immediately.
Where's the guard? He's supposed to be coming by.
- You think he already passed? - I don't know.
- There he is.
- Yeah, I see him.
Wait till he passes.
Okay, it's clear.
- What the hell is this? - It's all they had.
Then you go to another store.
- If this is all they had, wrong place.
- Just put it on.
Of course you can Okay.
This is it.
Oh, God.
- Dawm.
Where Duck.
Duck.
- What? He's not supposed to come back.
What's he doing? Oh, God.
He's going to the crapper.
Oh, God.
- Carry your bag.
- What? What are you doing? Okay, there is it.
Is this going to be loud? We'll find out in about ten seconds.
Stand back.
Jesus! What's going on? - Where are the gallon jugs? - I don't know.
- God! - What? Let's just take this.
Come on.
Come on.
What the hell are you doing opening the door? How are we going to take this thing out? - How is it going to be any different? - Can I just try it? - Fine, fine, go ahead.
- Jesus.
Okay.
All right.
Yeah, baby.
See? Eat it, okay? I'm the king.
I'm the king.
No, no, no.
That didn't sound good.
Well, this thing's not going anywhere.
We're not cooking in my damn driveway.
I tell you that.
What part of slow it down did you not understand? You talk too much.
It's heavy, man.
You got to wait for me.
Okay.
That's good, that's good.
Now just bring it up.
Easy, easy, easy.
Okay.
Your real estate agent, when is she supposed to come back? Shit.
Yo, I don't know.
I'll make damn sure she doesn't.
Good call, yo.
All right.
Keep the temperature steady at 425 degrees.
We'll need to run it two more hours to have enough to make 4½ pounds.
$44,000 ahead each.
Right on, man.
Right on.
With the amount of methylamine that we got last night, we could make well, for the foreseeable future.
How long is that going to be? I mean in your situation.
How much cash do you need? More.
Someone's in my yard.
Was there, by any chance, scheduled for this afternoon an open house? I left them a message, man.
It's not my fault.
I don't care how you do it.
Just keep them out of here.
Do you understand? - Yeah.
- Go.
You know you can't duck me forever.
What? Come on.
I left you, like, 15 messages.
When I went to your office, you snuck out the back way.
I didn't sneak.
I was going to lunch.
Jeez, Skyler, what are you, the paranoid police? Marie, I have never been so humiliated in my life.
That tiara.
They accused me at Zachary's of shoplifting it.
What were you doing at Zachary's? I was returning it.
You were returning it.
Why would you return it? It just wasn't Marie, what is wrong with you? Can you please tell me that? Can you tell me why you'd do such a thing? What does that mean? Does that mean you don't know? That means that I have no idea what the hell you're even talking about.
You have no idea what I'm talking about.
The shop The shoplifting.
No idea? You're not going to admit this, are you? I can't really admit to something when I have no knowledge of what it is that I'm admitting.
Don't forget to sign in.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Excuse me.
I'd just like to see the basement.
- Yeah, well, it's occupied.
- It's not a bathroom.
I just want to see the basement.
What's the big deal? Yo, you ain't seeing the basement, bitch.
You got that? Is that sinking in? Now beat it.
All of you all.
House is not for sale.
Get the hell out! So how was it? Was it a an experience? Yeah.
It was definitely an experience.
What's that smell? Yeah.
It's sacred Navajo herbs and Hey, is everything okay? No.
Not really.
Actually, not at all.
You know that tiara that Marie gave us? Yeah.
Well, she stole it.
Yeah.
I practically got arrested trying to return it at the store.
Oh, my God.
She refuses to admit it.
She refuses to apologize.
I don't know what to do.
Oh, well.
People sometimes do things for their families.
People sometimes do things for their families? And, what, that justifies stealing? Yeah.
That must have been some sweat lodge.
Have you been listening to the words coming out of your mouth? What would you do if it were me? What do you mean if it were you? If it were me, what would you do? Would you divorce me? Would you turn me in to the police? You don't want to find out.
Do you want something to eat? No, thanks.
What is this shit? This is blue.
We used a different chemical process, but it is every bit as pure.
It may be blue, but it's the bomb.
Tight! Tight, tight, yeah! Blue, yellow, pink.
Whatever, man.
Just keep bringing me that.
Come on.
And what did I say, man? This guy can cook! You're all right, man.
You're all right.
We're going to make a lot of money together.
Just remember who you're working for.
What did you say? I'm just saying they got to know that they're working for you.
Like they don't already know that? Are you saying that they're stupid? No, I'm just I'm just saying.
Oh, yeah.
So you're not saying that they're stupid.
So I don't understand.
Are you saying that I'm stupid? No.
Come on, Tuco.
I'm just saying.
No, you're just speaking for me! Like I ain't got the damn sense to speak for myself! Is that it? Is that what you're doing? Tuco.
Hey, why don't we all just relax, huh? Heisenberg says relax.
Orale, homes.
I'm relaxed.
I'm relaxed.
I'm relaxed.
Damn, man! Look at that! Look! Yeah.
That's messed up.
Okay, Heisenberg! Next week.