Buffy the Vampire Slayer s02e12 Episode Script
Bad Eggs
In every generation, there is a Chosen One, She alone will stand against the vampires,|the demons and the forces of darkness, She is the Slayer, - Come on, Mom.
Please?|- I'm sorry, honey.
- Don't you know how important this is?|- It's an outfit.
An outfit that you may never buy.
- But I looked good in it.
|- You looked like a streetwalker.
But a thin streetwalker.
That's probably not the winning argument.
- You're just too young to wear that.
|- Too young till I'm too old to wear it.
That's the idea! The stores are closing and I still need|to order the flyers for the opening.
OK.
I'll go to the printers,|and then get our food.
You go to the tailor and pick up my outfit|from Everyday Woman.
"Everyday Woman"? Why didn't you|just go to Muumuus R Us? Do now.
Make fun of your mother later.
Turn around.
I've somethin' to show ya.
Wait a sec.
This is my high score.
Well, ain't you just got|the prettiest little neck I ever did see? Boy! You guys really never come up|with any new lines, do you? Do you mind? We were talking here.
But you promised|you'd never cheat on me again, honey.
- Um I'd better go.
|- But I ain't done yet.
All right, sugar lips.
Giddyup.
Oh, you're a rough one,|ain't ya? I like that.
You must be that slayer|I've been hearin' so much about.
Lyle Gorch.
Pleased to meet ya.
The pleasure's mine.
This ain't over.
Oh, sure.
They say they'll call Oh, bliss.
Mall food.
- Buffy?|- Mom? - Where's my dress?|- Your dre - Oh Oh, God.
|- Let me guess.
- You were distracted by a boy.
|- Technically.
- Buffy!|- Look, I can go get it right now.
They're closed.
|I'll just have to fit it in tomorrow.
- Sorry.
|- A little responsibility is all I ask.
Don't you ever think about|anything besides boys and clothes? Saving the world from vampires? I swear, sometimes I don't know|what goes on in your head.
Xander It's just that I'm worried|we're gonna miss class.
This would work a lot better|for me if you didn't talk.
Well, it'd work a lot better for me|with the lights off.
Are you saying that you can't look at me|when we do whatever it is we do? No, it's not that I can't.
|It's just more I don't want to.
Great.
That's just dandy.
|We're repulsed by each other.
- We hide from our friends|- Well, I should hope so.
Please! All in all, this is not|a big self-esteem booster.
Tell me about it.
Just look at you.
|And where did you get those shoes? - OK.
You know what? I don't need this.
|- Ditto.
Like a hole in the head.
S-E-X.
Sex.
The sex drive in the human animal is intense.
How many of us|have lost countless productive hours .
.
plagued by unwanted|sexual thoughts and feelings? - Yes.
|- That was a rhetorical question, Mr Harris, .
.
not a poll.
Of course, for teenagers such as yourselves,|these feelings are even more overwhelming.
With all sorts of hormones surging through|your bodies, compelling you to action, .
.
it's often difficult to remember that there are|negative consequences to having sex.
Would anyone care to|offer one such consequence? That depends.
Are you talking about|sex in the car, or out of the car? Because I have a friend - not me - that|was in a Miata parked on top of the hill I was thinking of something|more commonplace.
You wanna talk negative consequence?|What about halitosis? A girl may seem spiffy, but if she ignores her|flossing, the bloom is definitely off the rose.
Like that compares to kissing a guy who|thinks the Hoover technique is a big turn-on! What about having to feign interest in|her vapid chitchat just to get some touch? Now, another consequence|of sexual activity? Anyone, uh, else? How about pregnancy?|That would be a major one, right? Thank you.
Among teens, unwanted pregnancy is the|No.
1 negative consequence of sexual activity.
So, as discussed last week,|I present you with your offspring.
You will split into parenting teams, .
.
sharing equally in the daily task|of raising your egg.
Please choose a partner|and come pick up your children.
You wanna have a baby? Hey.
Ha-ha-ha.
I know we just met,|but isn't that Xander Junior you're holding? Buffy, how come you weren't in class? Vampire issues.
|Did Mr Whitmore notice I was tardy? - The word you're searching for is "absent".
|- Tardy people show.
- Right.
|- And yes, he did notice, .
.
so he wanted me to give you this.
As far as punishments go,|this is fairly abstract.
- No! It's your baby.
|- OK, I get it even less.
It's the "sex leads to responsibility" thing,|which I don't get.
You gotta take care of the egg.
It's a baby.
|Teach it Christian values.
- My egg is Jewish.
|- Then teach it that dreidel song.
I can't do this.
I can't take care of things.
I killed my Giga Pet.
Literally.
|I sat on it and it broke.
You'll do fine.
What stresses me is,|when do we tell them they're adopted? I'll just lay that one off|on my partner.
Who'd I get? Well, there were an uneven number|of students, and you didn't show, so - I'm a single mother?|- No man of her own.
Do you know what this says about me?|That I'm doomed to lead my mother's life.
- How deeply scary is that?|- How about this? It says nothing, it means nothing.
|This egg experiment is completely pointless.
Success at last! Your playmate is|a fellow of repute, it seems.
It's, erm, Lyle Gorch.
And that's|his brother, Tector.
They're from Abilene.
They made their reputation by massacring|an entire Mexican village in 1886.
- Friendly little demons.
|- That was before they became vampires.
But, erm the good news is that they're|not amongst the great thinkers of our time.
I doubt if they're up to much - just|drawn here by the Hellmouth's energy.
- I propose Buffy slays them.
All in favour?|- Aye.
I don't think you should underestimate them.
|I mean, you may need to have some help if - Why do you all have eggs?|- Hey, maybe you can have Angel help you.
Yes, that's not a bad idea.
|Strength in numbers.
All right.
I see a lot of hunting|getting done in that scenario.
Please.
Like Angel and I are just|helpless slaves to passion.
Grow up.
- We really|- I know.
You know, this isn't hunting|in the classical sense.
We should.
You're right.
- OK.
|- OK.
- You see anything?|- No.
- OK Enough hunting.
|- Yeah.
- That the Slayer?|- Yep.
- Ain't that Angelus with her?|- Yep.
Well, how come she ain't slayin'?|And how come he's about to make me blush? I don't know, Tector.
And how come you're|always askin' me so many stupid questions? So, you wanna take him,|or, uh you want me to, Lyle? I say we leave it.
Wait till she's alone.
Why? You scared? No.
I could whip 'em both|right now if I wanted to.
Then why don't ya? Cos I got me a plan.
I'm the one|that does the thinkin', remember? Yeah.
You do the thinkin', Lyle.
|That is definitely your department.
So why don't you tell me again|why we can't kill 'em now? OK, little egg dude.
Let's see Feeding Check.
Burping Urgh.
Check.
Diapers Sort of.
In theory, I guess.
OK.
Good night, Egbert.
I'm tired of rat.
How come|we can't stay in a nice place? A motel or somethin'.
Maybe|maybe one with an ice machine.
Cos we got to keep a low profile till|we get this slayer business taken care of.
Well, how come Angelus is|gettin' all cuddly with her, Lyle? I mean, does the man have no code? Tector? Are you gonna pester me|with questions all damn day? I just don't like it here.
There ain't|a decent whore in the whole city limits.
So this is the thanks I get? Well Don't I take care of ya?|Didn't I near raise you myself? Hm? Maybe I shoulda left you|on that doorstep when Momma blew town.
Don't say that, Lyle.
- Now I'm takin' care of this.
|- You afraid of the girl? I'm just playin' it safe.
We're just gonna follow her around|a little while, find our time.
- Cos this ain't over.
|- I think you are afraid of the Slayer.
All right.
I'm gonna beat you|like a redheaded stepchild.
- Throw your ass out in that sunlight.
|- You think you can? Giddyup, son.
Ohh Oh, God.
- Eat something if you're gonna drink that.
|- Not that hungry.
- How's the parenting going?|- Fine.
Are you sure your egg is secure in that? Did I ask for back-seat mommying? - Are we a little touchy this morning?|- No.
I just feel all funky.
Hm You don't have a fever.
Oh, no, it's not that.
|I just I didn't sleep well.
What's the matter?|Your egg keep you up all night? You're killing me.
Parenting's a pain.
Wait till it starts dating.
Oh! Why are you three hanging about? - Don't you have classes to go to?|- Teen Health got cancelled.
Mr Whitmore is ab.
He couldn't|find an egg-sitter or somethin'.
- Can you give me a hand?|- No.
Sure.
How did the, erm hunt go last night, Buffy? No go.
Er no, you didn't go,|or or you were unsuccessful? No Gorches.
Buffy has decided the problem with English|is all those pesky words.
"You.
" "Angel.
" "Big.
" "Smoochies.
" Shut.
Up.
It's true, Buffy.
You and Willow|do seem a little sluggish.
- Maybe something we ate.
|- Or perhaps it's the burden of parenthood.
Notice how seriously|you take this egg thing.
While I have, uh well,|chosen a more balanced approach.
- Xander!|- That's what I'm talkin' about.
You can't stress over every little thing.
|A child picks up on that.
Which is a one-way ticket to Neurotic City.
It didn't break.
How come it didn't break? Another secret to conscientious egg care.
|Pot of scalding water and about 8 minutes.
- You boiled your young?|- Yeah.
Sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind.
You can bet that little Xander|is thick-skinned now.
Technically, that would be cheating, yes? No.
It's like a shortcut.
|You know, when you run a race? - That would also be cheating.
|- You should be ashamed.
I suppose there is a Machiavellian|ingenuity to your transgression.
I resent that! Or possibly thank you.
It figures you three would be in the dungeon|while something major's going on.
And what would that be, Cordelia?|Barrette Appreciation Day? - Mr Whitmore didn't show today.
|- That news is of the past.
He's missing.
- Presumed dead.
|- Presumed by whom? Well, me.
I think we should give him a few hours|before we give up on him.
I think we should look around.
|Don't you, Xander? - It can wait.
|- Well, his body could fall out of a closet.
So we should check some closets|to see if he's in a closet? You're right.
|There could be a closet.
Let's go.
You guys look for more clues.
|We'll meet back here.
- We'll get right on it.
|- Are they getting weirder? Have you noticed the weirdness of them? They're weird.
Should I have guilt|about not looking for Mr Whitmore? I'd rather you conserve your strength|for hunting the Gorches.
I'll be fine by tonight.
|Maybe I'll sweep the cemetery.
- Be careful.
If you're still feeling sluggish|- No worries.
- And Angel's helping you, right?|- He does what he can.
As much as I hate to say this,|we should really go kill bad guys.
It's late.
You should get home.
- What about the Gorches?|- I'll hunt.
Really? You'd do that? It's not like I have an early day tomorrow.
True.
I still have to go home|and fill out my egg diary.
- Your what?|- Oh, that faux parenting gig we're doing.
Like I'm really planning|to have kids anytime soon.
Maybe someday in the future,|when I'm done having a life.
But right now, kids would be|a little too much to deal with.
I wouldn't know.
I don't Well, you know, I can't.
Oh That's OK.
Um I figured there were all sorts|of things vampires can't do, .
.
like work for the telephone company,|or volunteer for the Red Cross, .
.
or have little vampires.
So you don't think about the future? - No.
|- Never? No.
You really don't care what happens|a year from now? Five years from now? Angel, when I look into the future, .
.
all I see is you.
All I want is you.
I know the feeling.
Hello? Is anybody in here? - Come on, pick up.
|- Hello? - Willow, are you OK?|- Why shouldn't I be? - Your egg.
Is it doing anything?|- Doing what? Break it.
Right now.
|Smash it with something heavy.
- Buffy, what|- My egg.
It went postal on me! It hatched this creepy-crawly thing.
|It attacked me! - Are you OK?|- Yeah, I'm fine.
But your egg Is totally normal.
I put it in the fridge.
Oh Maybe it's a trap.
Something|the Gorch brothers planted for you? Maybe.
Yeah.
Uh I'm sorry.
|I shouldn't have woken you.
Go back to sleep.
- Are you sure?|- Yeah.
Yeah, I'm better.
I'm I'm fine.
OK.
I'll see you tomorrow.
What's going on in here? Buffy, who are you talking to at this|Why are you dressed? Where are you going|at this hour of the night? - Nowhere.
|- Who was that on the phone? Um Willow.
|She wasn't feeling well today, .
.
so I was calling|to make sure she was feeling better.
- You're gonna have to do better than that.
|- I had a bad dream? No, you're about to have a bad dream -|that you're grounded for the rest of your life.
Which means no after-school socialising,|no Bronze, no nothing.
Not until I say so.
- Understand?|- Yeah, but I think you School ends at 2:30.
|I want you to go to the library at 2:33, .
.
and study until|I pick you up there at 5:30.
Understood? - Yeah.
|- Good.
Have a nice day.
Nice bear.
Listen, is your Hey, my father brought this bear|back from Gstaad years ago.
Then trendoids start sporting them,|so I'm totally not wearing it.
Then I thought "Hey, I'm the one who|started this craze.
What am I ashamed of?" OK, Soliloquy Girl.
|I just wanted to ask about your egg.
- My egg?|- Yeah, your egg.
- The one Mr Whitmore gave you.
|- It's in my bear.
So your egg isn't acting odd or anything? It isn't "acting" anything.
|It's an egg, Buffy.
It doesn't emote.
- Shanice! Is that your real hair?|- Yeah.
Hey.
Hi.
Mm.
Cardboardy! Sorry, Junior, but a man's gotta eat.
So was there any more|hatchling activity last night? No.
You were probably right.
|It was just a trap the vamps set for me.
And everyone else's eggs|seem perfectly normal.
- Did you bring the thing that attacked you?|- Yeah.
Giles wants to see it.
He's in full research mode.
OK.
Well, bring it to the science lab,|and I'll get Giles and we'll analyse it.
Great.
You know, I always say|that a day without an autopsy .
.
is like a day without sunshine.
Hey.
Can I just say gyeurgh! - I see your gyeurgh, and raise you a nyargh.
|- What is it? We don't know what it is.
|That's why we're here.
Capeesh? "Capeesh"? What,|are you world traveller now? - Hey, where's Giles?|- He said to get started.
He'll be by as soon as possible.
So, OK.
Get started, Buffy.
|Dissect it or something.
- Me? Why do I have to dissect it?|- Because you're the Slayer.
- And I slayed.
My work here is done.
|- Oh, no! I almost ate one of these things.
I fulfilled my gross-out quota for the decade.
- Guys!|- Do we even know what to look for? How do we figure out what this thing is? Maybe we missed its ID bracelet.
Now we know|what happened to Mr Whitmore.
- He saw this and ran away?|- Try "best-case scenario".
It's possible that|Mr Whitmore wasn't harmed.
Maybe the offspring used him|to return to the mother bezoar.
- Yeah.
Maybe he What?|- What's a bezo Cordy! What Buffy? - Hello?|- Hello.
Oh! Mr Giles.
Hi.
I was looking for Buffy.
|She was supposed to wait for me here.
She hasn't been in.
I've been waiting|to talk to her myself about history texts.
- That is just the last straw.
|- I'm sure she didn't mean to She never means to, but somehow|she always manages to anyway.
- Do you have children, Mr Giles?|- Erm - Should I be whispering?|- No! And no, I- I haven't any children.
Although, er sometimes I feel|as though I do, working here.
They can be such a|Oh, I don't want to say "burden", but - Actually, I kind of do want to say "burden".
|- Feel free.
- Oh, they're just so irresponsible.
|- Sometimes.
"Bristow's Demon Index"?.
|"Hell's Offspring"?.
A hobby of mine.
But having|nothing to do with Buffy in any way.
Erm you say Buffy told you|that she'd be here - all afternoon? Well, yes.
Is something wrong? No.
I'm sure it's nothing.
- What was that?|- Probably the janitor.
Hey! Xander.
Hey! You all right? Last time Cordy dragged me|in here, it was a lot nicer.
- What?|- Huh? Nothing.
Uh, crazy talk.
Head trauma.
Tell me about it.
I'm gonna have a big bump.
Uh, I'm gonna have a peninsula here.
What What the hell's goin' on?|Cordy and Willow? Something to do with|the hatchlings, I'm sure of it.
What, are they possessed? I don't know.
|But they sure wanted us out of the way.
Why not kill us? Why, uh|why drag us in here? Back now.
Thank you.
Ohh! - Giles!|- Giles! He must be out somewhere.
- Well, he picked a hell of a time to get a life.
|- What do we do? - Nothing till we know something about 'em.
|- Willow said something - a name.
- What was it?|- A bozo! - Not a bozo.
|- A bezoar.
That's it! OK.
So now we look it up? - In what?|- A book? Giles said he was gonna|try to find something And I'd say he found something.
I'd say something found him.
"Pre-prehistoric parasite.
The mother|hibernates underground, laying eggs.
" "The offspring then attach themselves|to a host through neural clamping.
" "Neural clamping"? That sounds skippable.
So people are taking orders|from the momma bezoar.
- Which begs the question|- What does Momma want? Somebody help me! Get this thing|off me! Get this thing off me! Help! - Are you OK?|- I'm fine.
I slipped.
- I think I hear Mommy calling|- Uh-huh.
- Do we really wanna go in there?|- We really don't.
Careful.
What are they diggin' up? Oh, boy.
- We can't let them spread those eggs.
|- I'll handle it.
Can you hold down the fort? I'm gonna need a weapon.
|I'm gonna need a big weapon.
Yeah.
- I told you this weren't over.
|- She's so cute, and little.
- D'you think we can keep her?|- Guys, this really isn't a great time.
Oh, it's gonna be.
Hey! That's my brother! What the hell is this? Mom? Kill them.
What the hell is goin' on? Long story.
Cordelia! I don't want to hurt you|some of the time.
That's my bump! Well, all right! Well, lookee there! Well, hello.
Tector! Tector? - This is all your fault.
|- How? All right.
It's over.
Yes it was a a gas leak, everyone.
But just, er get some air|and, er a good night's rest, you know.
You'll be fine.
These gas things will happen.
- What was it really?|- Stick with gas.
I'll fill you in tomorrow.
Right.
How you guys doin'? - Did I really hit you?|- You knocked me out.
- Did I hit you?|- Yes! Everyone hit me.
Good.
Well, I don't mean good because|I hit you, but I didn't want to be left out.
- How is she?|- A bit confused, but it's goin' around.
- Are you OK?|- Buffy, I was worried.
There was a gas leak.
Yeah, I just heard.
I was in the gym.
- I went looking for you in the library.
|- I was on my way there when I thought I made it clear that|you weren't to leave the library till I came.
- The other side of that is|- I'm not really interested in the other side.
Young lady, you have to learn|some responsibility, OK? Once and for all.
- I'm grounded?|- You're already grounded! Until further notice,|you are confined to your room.
You will not leave your room at any time|except to go to school or the bathroom.
- Am I making myself clear?|- You're clear.
I won't leave my room.
You're damn right, you won't.
- You sure you're not gonna get in trouble?|- Hey.
I earned this.
Besides, I'm not breaking any rules.
Buffy? Are you going to bed? In a minute.
Please?|- I'm sorry, honey.
- Don't you know how important this is?|- It's an outfit.
An outfit that you may never buy.
- But I looked good in it.
|- You looked like a streetwalker.
But a thin streetwalker.
That's probably not the winning argument.
- You're just too young to wear that.
|- Too young till I'm too old to wear it.
That's the idea! The stores are closing and I still need|to order the flyers for the opening.
OK.
I'll go to the printers,|and then get our food.
You go to the tailor and pick up my outfit|from Everyday Woman.
"Everyday Woman"? Why didn't you|just go to Muumuus R Us? Do now.
Make fun of your mother later.
Turn around.
I've somethin' to show ya.
Wait a sec.
This is my high score.
Well, ain't you just got|the prettiest little neck I ever did see? Boy! You guys really never come up|with any new lines, do you? Do you mind? We were talking here.
But you promised|you'd never cheat on me again, honey.
- Um I'd better go.
|- But I ain't done yet.
All right, sugar lips.
Giddyup.
Oh, you're a rough one,|ain't ya? I like that.
You must be that slayer|I've been hearin' so much about.
Lyle Gorch.
Pleased to meet ya.
The pleasure's mine.
This ain't over.
Oh, sure.
They say they'll call Oh, bliss.
Mall food.
- Buffy?|- Mom? - Where's my dress?|- Your dre - Oh Oh, God.
|- Let me guess.
- You were distracted by a boy.
|- Technically.
- Buffy!|- Look, I can go get it right now.
They're closed.
|I'll just have to fit it in tomorrow.
- Sorry.
|- A little responsibility is all I ask.
Don't you ever think about|anything besides boys and clothes? Saving the world from vampires? I swear, sometimes I don't know|what goes on in your head.
Xander It's just that I'm worried|we're gonna miss class.
This would work a lot better|for me if you didn't talk.
Well, it'd work a lot better for me|with the lights off.
Are you saying that you can't look at me|when we do whatever it is we do? No, it's not that I can't.
|It's just more I don't want to.
Great.
That's just dandy.
|We're repulsed by each other.
- We hide from our friends|- Well, I should hope so.
Please! All in all, this is not|a big self-esteem booster.
Tell me about it.
Just look at you.
|And where did you get those shoes? - OK.
You know what? I don't need this.
|- Ditto.
Like a hole in the head.
S-E-X.
Sex.
The sex drive in the human animal is intense.
How many of us|have lost countless productive hours .
.
plagued by unwanted|sexual thoughts and feelings? - Yes.
|- That was a rhetorical question, Mr Harris, .
.
not a poll.
Of course, for teenagers such as yourselves,|these feelings are even more overwhelming.
With all sorts of hormones surging through|your bodies, compelling you to action, .
.
it's often difficult to remember that there are|negative consequences to having sex.
Would anyone care to|offer one such consequence? That depends.
Are you talking about|sex in the car, or out of the car? Because I have a friend - not me - that|was in a Miata parked on top of the hill I was thinking of something|more commonplace.
You wanna talk negative consequence?|What about halitosis? A girl may seem spiffy, but if she ignores her|flossing, the bloom is definitely off the rose.
Like that compares to kissing a guy who|thinks the Hoover technique is a big turn-on! What about having to feign interest in|her vapid chitchat just to get some touch? Now, another consequence|of sexual activity? Anyone, uh, else? How about pregnancy?|That would be a major one, right? Thank you.
Among teens, unwanted pregnancy is the|No.
1 negative consequence of sexual activity.
So, as discussed last week,|I present you with your offspring.
You will split into parenting teams, .
.
sharing equally in the daily task|of raising your egg.
Please choose a partner|and come pick up your children.
You wanna have a baby? Hey.
Ha-ha-ha.
I know we just met,|but isn't that Xander Junior you're holding? Buffy, how come you weren't in class? Vampire issues.
|Did Mr Whitmore notice I was tardy? - The word you're searching for is "absent".
|- Tardy people show.
- Right.
|- And yes, he did notice, .
.
so he wanted me to give you this.
As far as punishments go,|this is fairly abstract.
- No! It's your baby.
|- OK, I get it even less.
It's the "sex leads to responsibility" thing,|which I don't get.
You gotta take care of the egg.
It's a baby.
|Teach it Christian values.
- My egg is Jewish.
|- Then teach it that dreidel song.
I can't do this.
I can't take care of things.
I killed my Giga Pet.
Literally.
|I sat on it and it broke.
You'll do fine.
What stresses me is,|when do we tell them they're adopted? I'll just lay that one off|on my partner.
Who'd I get? Well, there were an uneven number|of students, and you didn't show, so - I'm a single mother?|- No man of her own.
Do you know what this says about me?|That I'm doomed to lead my mother's life.
- How deeply scary is that?|- How about this? It says nothing, it means nothing.
|This egg experiment is completely pointless.
Success at last! Your playmate is|a fellow of repute, it seems.
It's, erm, Lyle Gorch.
And that's|his brother, Tector.
They're from Abilene.
They made their reputation by massacring|an entire Mexican village in 1886.
- Friendly little demons.
|- That was before they became vampires.
But, erm the good news is that they're|not amongst the great thinkers of our time.
I doubt if they're up to much - just|drawn here by the Hellmouth's energy.
- I propose Buffy slays them.
All in favour?|- Aye.
I don't think you should underestimate them.
|I mean, you may need to have some help if - Why do you all have eggs?|- Hey, maybe you can have Angel help you.
Yes, that's not a bad idea.
|Strength in numbers.
All right.
I see a lot of hunting|getting done in that scenario.
Please.
Like Angel and I are just|helpless slaves to passion.
Grow up.
- We really|- I know.
You know, this isn't hunting|in the classical sense.
We should.
You're right.
- OK.
|- OK.
- You see anything?|- No.
- OK Enough hunting.
|- Yeah.
- That the Slayer?|- Yep.
- Ain't that Angelus with her?|- Yep.
Well, how come she ain't slayin'?|And how come he's about to make me blush? I don't know, Tector.
And how come you're|always askin' me so many stupid questions? So, you wanna take him,|or, uh you want me to, Lyle? I say we leave it.
Wait till she's alone.
Why? You scared? No.
I could whip 'em both|right now if I wanted to.
Then why don't ya? Cos I got me a plan.
I'm the one|that does the thinkin', remember? Yeah.
You do the thinkin', Lyle.
|That is definitely your department.
So why don't you tell me again|why we can't kill 'em now? OK, little egg dude.
Let's see Feeding Check.
Burping Urgh.
Check.
Diapers Sort of.
In theory, I guess.
OK.
Good night, Egbert.
I'm tired of rat.
How come|we can't stay in a nice place? A motel or somethin'.
Maybe|maybe one with an ice machine.
Cos we got to keep a low profile till|we get this slayer business taken care of.
Well, how come Angelus is|gettin' all cuddly with her, Lyle? I mean, does the man have no code? Tector? Are you gonna pester me|with questions all damn day? I just don't like it here.
There ain't|a decent whore in the whole city limits.
So this is the thanks I get? Well Don't I take care of ya?|Didn't I near raise you myself? Hm? Maybe I shoulda left you|on that doorstep when Momma blew town.
Don't say that, Lyle.
- Now I'm takin' care of this.
|- You afraid of the girl? I'm just playin' it safe.
We're just gonna follow her around|a little while, find our time.
- Cos this ain't over.
|- I think you are afraid of the Slayer.
All right.
I'm gonna beat you|like a redheaded stepchild.
- Throw your ass out in that sunlight.
|- You think you can? Giddyup, son.
Ohh Oh, God.
- Eat something if you're gonna drink that.
|- Not that hungry.
- How's the parenting going?|- Fine.
Are you sure your egg is secure in that? Did I ask for back-seat mommying? - Are we a little touchy this morning?|- No.
I just feel all funky.
Hm You don't have a fever.
Oh, no, it's not that.
|I just I didn't sleep well.
What's the matter?|Your egg keep you up all night? You're killing me.
Parenting's a pain.
Wait till it starts dating.
Oh! Why are you three hanging about? - Don't you have classes to go to?|- Teen Health got cancelled.
Mr Whitmore is ab.
He couldn't|find an egg-sitter or somethin'.
- Can you give me a hand?|- No.
Sure.
How did the, erm hunt go last night, Buffy? No go.
Er no, you didn't go,|or or you were unsuccessful? No Gorches.
Buffy has decided the problem with English|is all those pesky words.
"You.
" "Angel.
" "Big.
" "Smoochies.
" Shut.
Up.
It's true, Buffy.
You and Willow|do seem a little sluggish.
- Maybe something we ate.
|- Or perhaps it's the burden of parenthood.
Notice how seriously|you take this egg thing.
While I have, uh well,|chosen a more balanced approach.
- Xander!|- That's what I'm talkin' about.
You can't stress over every little thing.
|A child picks up on that.
Which is a one-way ticket to Neurotic City.
It didn't break.
How come it didn't break? Another secret to conscientious egg care.
|Pot of scalding water and about 8 minutes.
- You boiled your young?|- Yeah.
Sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind.
You can bet that little Xander|is thick-skinned now.
Technically, that would be cheating, yes? No.
It's like a shortcut.
|You know, when you run a race? - That would also be cheating.
|- You should be ashamed.
I suppose there is a Machiavellian|ingenuity to your transgression.
I resent that! Or possibly thank you.
It figures you three would be in the dungeon|while something major's going on.
And what would that be, Cordelia?|Barrette Appreciation Day? - Mr Whitmore didn't show today.
|- That news is of the past.
He's missing.
- Presumed dead.
|- Presumed by whom? Well, me.
I think we should give him a few hours|before we give up on him.
I think we should look around.
|Don't you, Xander? - It can wait.
|- Well, his body could fall out of a closet.
So we should check some closets|to see if he's in a closet? You're right.
|There could be a closet.
Let's go.
You guys look for more clues.
|We'll meet back here.
- We'll get right on it.
|- Are they getting weirder? Have you noticed the weirdness of them? They're weird.
Should I have guilt|about not looking for Mr Whitmore? I'd rather you conserve your strength|for hunting the Gorches.
I'll be fine by tonight.
|Maybe I'll sweep the cemetery.
- Be careful.
If you're still feeling sluggish|- No worries.
- And Angel's helping you, right?|- He does what he can.
As much as I hate to say this,|we should really go kill bad guys.
It's late.
You should get home.
- What about the Gorches?|- I'll hunt.
Really? You'd do that? It's not like I have an early day tomorrow.
True.
I still have to go home|and fill out my egg diary.
- Your what?|- Oh, that faux parenting gig we're doing.
Like I'm really planning|to have kids anytime soon.
Maybe someday in the future,|when I'm done having a life.
But right now, kids would be|a little too much to deal with.
I wouldn't know.
I don't Well, you know, I can't.
Oh That's OK.
Um I figured there were all sorts|of things vampires can't do, .
.
like work for the telephone company,|or volunteer for the Red Cross, .
.
or have little vampires.
So you don't think about the future? - No.
|- Never? No.
You really don't care what happens|a year from now? Five years from now? Angel, when I look into the future, .
.
all I see is you.
All I want is you.
I know the feeling.
Hello? Is anybody in here? - Come on, pick up.
|- Hello? - Willow, are you OK?|- Why shouldn't I be? - Your egg.
Is it doing anything?|- Doing what? Break it.
Right now.
|Smash it with something heavy.
- Buffy, what|- My egg.
It went postal on me! It hatched this creepy-crawly thing.
|It attacked me! - Are you OK?|- Yeah, I'm fine.
But your egg Is totally normal.
I put it in the fridge.
Oh Maybe it's a trap.
Something|the Gorch brothers planted for you? Maybe.
Yeah.
Uh I'm sorry.
|I shouldn't have woken you.
Go back to sleep.
- Are you sure?|- Yeah.
Yeah, I'm better.
I'm I'm fine.
OK.
I'll see you tomorrow.
What's going on in here? Buffy, who are you talking to at this|Why are you dressed? Where are you going|at this hour of the night? - Nowhere.
|- Who was that on the phone? Um Willow.
|She wasn't feeling well today, .
.
so I was calling|to make sure she was feeling better.
- You're gonna have to do better than that.
|- I had a bad dream? No, you're about to have a bad dream -|that you're grounded for the rest of your life.
Which means no after-school socialising,|no Bronze, no nothing.
Not until I say so.
- Understand?|- Yeah, but I think you School ends at 2:30.
|I want you to go to the library at 2:33, .
.
and study until|I pick you up there at 5:30.
Understood? - Yeah.
|- Good.
Have a nice day.
Nice bear.
Listen, is your Hey, my father brought this bear|back from Gstaad years ago.
Then trendoids start sporting them,|so I'm totally not wearing it.
Then I thought "Hey, I'm the one who|started this craze.
What am I ashamed of?" OK, Soliloquy Girl.
|I just wanted to ask about your egg.
- My egg?|- Yeah, your egg.
- The one Mr Whitmore gave you.
|- It's in my bear.
So your egg isn't acting odd or anything? It isn't "acting" anything.
|It's an egg, Buffy.
It doesn't emote.
- Shanice! Is that your real hair?|- Yeah.
Hey.
Hi.
Mm.
Cardboardy! Sorry, Junior, but a man's gotta eat.
So was there any more|hatchling activity last night? No.
You were probably right.
|It was just a trap the vamps set for me.
And everyone else's eggs|seem perfectly normal.
- Did you bring the thing that attacked you?|- Yeah.
Giles wants to see it.
He's in full research mode.
OK.
Well, bring it to the science lab,|and I'll get Giles and we'll analyse it.
Great.
You know, I always say|that a day without an autopsy .
.
is like a day without sunshine.
Hey.
Can I just say gyeurgh! - I see your gyeurgh, and raise you a nyargh.
|- What is it? We don't know what it is.
|That's why we're here.
Capeesh? "Capeesh"? What,|are you world traveller now? - Hey, where's Giles?|- He said to get started.
He'll be by as soon as possible.
So, OK.
Get started, Buffy.
|Dissect it or something.
- Me? Why do I have to dissect it?|- Because you're the Slayer.
- And I slayed.
My work here is done.
|- Oh, no! I almost ate one of these things.
I fulfilled my gross-out quota for the decade.
- Guys!|- Do we even know what to look for? How do we figure out what this thing is? Maybe we missed its ID bracelet.
Now we know|what happened to Mr Whitmore.
- He saw this and ran away?|- Try "best-case scenario".
It's possible that|Mr Whitmore wasn't harmed.
Maybe the offspring used him|to return to the mother bezoar.
- Yeah.
Maybe he What?|- What's a bezo Cordy! What Buffy? - Hello?|- Hello.
Oh! Mr Giles.
Hi.
I was looking for Buffy.
|She was supposed to wait for me here.
She hasn't been in.
I've been waiting|to talk to her myself about history texts.
- That is just the last straw.
|- I'm sure she didn't mean to She never means to, but somehow|she always manages to anyway.
- Do you have children, Mr Giles?|- Erm - Should I be whispering?|- No! And no, I- I haven't any children.
Although, er sometimes I feel|as though I do, working here.
They can be such a|Oh, I don't want to say "burden", but - Actually, I kind of do want to say "burden".
|- Feel free.
- Oh, they're just so irresponsible.
|- Sometimes.
"Bristow's Demon Index"?.
|"Hell's Offspring"?.
A hobby of mine.
But having|nothing to do with Buffy in any way.
Erm you say Buffy told you|that she'd be here - all afternoon? Well, yes.
Is something wrong? No.
I'm sure it's nothing.
- What was that?|- Probably the janitor.
Hey! Xander.
Hey! You all right? Last time Cordy dragged me|in here, it was a lot nicer.
- What?|- Huh? Nothing.
Uh, crazy talk.
Head trauma.
Tell me about it.
I'm gonna have a big bump.
Uh, I'm gonna have a peninsula here.
What What the hell's goin' on?|Cordy and Willow? Something to do with|the hatchlings, I'm sure of it.
What, are they possessed? I don't know.
|But they sure wanted us out of the way.
Why not kill us? Why, uh|why drag us in here? Back now.
Thank you.
Ohh! - Giles!|- Giles! He must be out somewhere.
- Well, he picked a hell of a time to get a life.
|- What do we do? - Nothing till we know something about 'em.
|- Willow said something - a name.
- What was it?|- A bozo! - Not a bozo.
|- A bezoar.
That's it! OK.
So now we look it up? - In what?|- A book? Giles said he was gonna|try to find something And I'd say he found something.
I'd say something found him.
"Pre-prehistoric parasite.
The mother|hibernates underground, laying eggs.
" "The offspring then attach themselves|to a host through neural clamping.
" "Neural clamping"? That sounds skippable.
So people are taking orders|from the momma bezoar.
- Which begs the question|- What does Momma want? Somebody help me! Get this thing|off me! Get this thing off me! Help! - Are you OK?|- I'm fine.
I slipped.
- I think I hear Mommy calling|- Uh-huh.
- Do we really wanna go in there?|- We really don't.
Careful.
What are they diggin' up? Oh, boy.
- We can't let them spread those eggs.
|- I'll handle it.
Can you hold down the fort? I'm gonna need a weapon.
|I'm gonna need a big weapon.
Yeah.
- I told you this weren't over.
|- She's so cute, and little.
- D'you think we can keep her?|- Guys, this really isn't a great time.
Oh, it's gonna be.
Hey! That's my brother! What the hell is this? Mom? Kill them.
What the hell is goin' on? Long story.
Cordelia! I don't want to hurt you|some of the time.
That's my bump! Well, all right! Well, lookee there! Well, hello.
Tector! Tector? - This is all your fault.
|- How? All right.
It's over.
Yes it was a a gas leak, everyone.
But just, er get some air|and, er a good night's rest, you know.
You'll be fine.
These gas things will happen.
- What was it really?|- Stick with gas.
I'll fill you in tomorrow.
Right.
How you guys doin'? - Did I really hit you?|- You knocked me out.
- Did I hit you?|- Yes! Everyone hit me.
Good.
Well, I don't mean good because|I hit you, but I didn't want to be left out.
- How is she?|- A bit confused, but it's goin' around.
- Are you OK?|- Buffy, I was worried.
There was a gas leak.
Yeah, I just heard.
I was in the gym.
- I went looking for you in the library.
|- I was on my way there when I thought I made it clear that|you weren't to leave the library till I came.
- The other side of that is|- I'm not really interested in the other side.
Young lady, you have to learn|some responsibility, OK? Once and for all.
- I'm grounded?|- You're already grounded! Until further notice,|you are confined to your room.
You will not leave your room at any time|except to go to school or the bathroom.
- Am I making myself clear?|- You're clear.
I won't leave my room.
You're damn right, you won't.
- You sure you're not gonna get in trouble?|- Hey.
I earned this.
Besides, I'm not breaking any rules.
Buffy? Are you going to bed? In a minute.