Cadillacs and Dinosaurs (1993) s01e02 Episode Script
Dino Drive
1 Mack's stampede! Get out! Get out! Hurry up! Hurry up! Evacuation! Mack's stampede! Get out! Get out! In the 26th century, mankind faces an epic struggle for survival.
The forces of nature have spun wildly out of control.
Mighty cities have crumbled.
And the dinosaurs have returned to reclaim the earth.
In this savage land, one man stands alone.
Jack Tenrec.
Defending humanity in a world gone mad.
A world where only the strong survive.
A world of⦠Cadillacs and Dinosaurs! Governors.
I ask you to give me a firm hand and I promise to stop this dinosaur threat.
Once and for all.
Tenrec get out.
I didn't invite you.
An old blood mechanic doesn't need your invitation Scharnhorst.
Captain Noc, throw this man out.
Yes governor.
Guards! No! Let Jack stay.
I think it's important to hear the opinion of an old blood mechanic about your plan.
Nonsense.
You know what they say.
"The machinery of life is a balance and we have to maintain it".
That's fact, not opinion.
Exactly what do you plan to do about the mack threat to our settlements? I will decimate this heard of macks removing that danger forever.
Let's vote on it.
What? While I think there's merit to your plan governor Scharnhorst.
I too would like to hear mr.
Tenrec's reaction.
Don't you all realize you're sealing your own fate? And the fate of everyone in this city.
What did I tell you? Really Jack? Aren't you stretching things a little? Am I? Okay, wipe out the macks.
Why not? I believe why not is the reason we asked you to stay.
So why not? Think.
If Scharnhorst wipes out the macks.
Come next spring.
What do you think the cutters will eat? Our cattle, that's what.
Ridiculous, we'll post guards.
You think guards can stop octopus weeds from choking our fields? Without any macs to devour those weeds our crops will die and the whole city will starve.
So? We'll poison the octopus weeds.
And pollute our food, ourselves and our children.
The machinatio vitae allows no shortcuts.
There's a reason for life on every level of the food chain.
That's true.
What Tenrec calls the machinatio vitae is known by all Wasoons as the circle of life.
And the circle must not be broken.
Ambassador Dundee, I thank you for coming.
But I remind you you're only here as an observer.
Yes, and what I observe is the fine job you're all doing to keep nature in harmony.
As you know what affects you today touches my tribe tomorrow.
It's worth a vote.
Personally I've always wanted to see what Jack has up his sleeve.
Then I'm moved to let Tenrec handle this mack problem.
All in favor? All right.
But only 72 hours Tenrec and then I step in.
The council has a responsibility to safeguard the settlement lands And the settlers.
Good luck Jack.
Thanks.
I'll need all I can get.
Shall I stop him, governor? Why bother? Let Jack hang himself.
I'd hate to be in the path of those macks.
Nothing can stop them.
Well Mustafa, acording to old Jack you're gonna be and me too.
What? What can we do out there? Evacuate the settlers? No.
If we do that the macks won't leave until they chow down on every last bite of our crops.
Okay what are we gonna do? We're gonna move them out.
This is nuts Tenrec.
One of the privileges of weighing a couple of tons is that macks go where macks want to go.
We'll make the macks wanna go someplace else.
And how are we gonna do that Jack? Ask them pretty please? No, we'll take these big beauties.
I'll pilot the red one and you drive the blue one Mustafa.
Thanks Jack.
But exactly what am I going to do with it? Herd the macks to safe ground.
Did he said, herd the macks? Since when do dinosaurs like to be heard.
And with Cadillacs yet.
The truth is, I don't know if it's gonna work but it's worth a try.
It will work Jack.
I've been to the library.
What are you doing here? I'm a volunteer, I figured you need all you can get.
Look I found a historical precedent for your idea in this.
In the old days people drove their cattle to market riding horses.
I heard about them, cow punchers in fact I got some old cow puncher gear right here.
They used these to punch the cows.
But what I can't figure out is how they rode horses with them on.
However it was, those were cows.
And macks are lot bigger than cows.
And a lot meaner.
Yeah but this time we got 400 horses under the hood to do the job.
What are you worried about? I'm worried about their big tusks.
Macks have also got big ears.
They'll move.
Well somehow I think we'll need more help than that.
No.
no! Put me down Hermes.
What? You mean him? Yeah, him.
Let's get rolling.
Make room for me.
I'm coming.
Why are you coming Toulouse? The council felted vital that I should represent them in the field during this crisis of public safety to ensure cost controls are observed.
Uh-huh.
Can you handle a car? Without any compunction whatsoever.
All right then drive that one behind you.
I guess we need all the help we can get.
I entirely agree.
I'm here to help.
Sorry.
I'll put that car in my bill to the council.
Ride with Mustafa.
Mack tracks.
Yeah, they're heading toward the settlements.
Let's get rolling.
Them's a lot of macks down there.
More than I've ever seen together.
They seem peaceful enough now.
Of course they do.
They're eating all our crops.
What now Tenrec? Ok we'll surround them just like this.
Then we'll bunch them up together and move them all out.
It's working.
Kirgo said we should try a magic chant the cowboys used on the cows.
Oh yeah what's that? Goes like this.
Well, ain't that sweet? Look who's doing us a big favor rounding up the macks.
Sure gonna make our job a lot easier.
Now we got Jack were we want him.
Yeah, but I get the first chunk out of his carcass.
We'll cut him off of the path.
Saddle up! What's out there Hermes? If Hermes starts talking I'm gone.
But he is talking Hannah.
The trick is to know what he's saying.
Heads up everyone! We got trouble up ahead.
Here they come.
It almost makes me ashamed this will be so easy.
Yeah me too.
Almost.
Well I'm just completely torn up about it inside myself.
But I'll live and they won't.
Hey Hammer? We'll be taking prisoners? Prisoners? What's that? We're burning daylight.
There's dirty work to do boys.
I love this part.
Charge! We're almost on Qua Hoon! They tricked us! Tenrec you I'll get you Tenrec! Those poachers are going to spook the herd if they keep up that racket.
Well I don't like it either.
Could we even talk with them? Poachers shoot first, talk latter.
Oh no! Jump! Here it comes! Move! Making friends? Yeah, lots.
Do you think the old guy is finished? For now, at least he's headed in the right direction.
He'll hear you.
What? You are lying.
I assure you my governor, I'm not.
That's impossible.
Jack moved the macks.
But how? I don't know how he did it, but the settlements are out of danger.
No! I cannot let Tenrec succeed! Captain Noc.
Yes governor? Arm the guard.
We march tonight.
They need water Kirgo, herd them toward the river.
I'm trying Jack, but this old guy got a mind of his own.
He smells the river.
Keep them together.
We'll push the herd of Arizona's point tomorrow.
Drop down over the bugger mountains into this valley.
It's almost perfect.
The trail will pass dangerously close to Ida, a big mining town.
Anything goes haywire and they're gonna end up hamburger.
So we'll tell them to clear out.
Miners don't leave their claims.
We'll just have to be wide awake.
Everybody get some shut-eye.
How about some dessert first? What you got? Candide cactus a la Kirgo.
Pass.
We'll attack at midnight.
We'll whack them all in their sleep.
Yeah, we'll whack them good.
That's enough Hammer.
Scharnhorst.
I've skinned plenty of things bigger than you out here.
What do you want? What you want.
Let's make a deal.
The last deal we made with you left us with the short end of the stick.
Just hear me out.
You see if I herd of crazed dinosaurs just happened to stampede through that mining town a lot of people would be hurt.
And a lot of people would be angry.
And Jack Tenrec will be blamed for it, and ruined for life.
Tenrec's having a tough enough time moving that herd with his vehicles.
What makes you think we'll do any better? Dynamite nice.
If Tenrec manages to survive I'll trial him for murder.
My moles will eliminate the macks.
You'll get all the ivory.
I'll be hero and we both get rid of Tenrec.
Sounds good to me.
In fact, it should be a real blast.
Hey, are we herding him or is he herding us? I bet that horn is giving him as bad a headache as I got.
Better to have a headache that to be made into piano keys and billiard balls.
I agree but how much longer this is go on.
Hey bonehead! What you got against Cadillacs? Back off! That's telling him! No matter what I read in them all books about cowpunchers.
I'd hate to do this for a living.
Me too.
This is a real drag.
Yes, but I was just thinking about the agricultural advantage taming these beasts bring to the settlements.
Do us all a favor.
Don't think.
Sure glad we don't live in Ida.
That town is gonna be flattened! Come on Jack.
Come and get it.
Welcome to the destruction zone.
Good shooting brother Terhune.
Nothing to panic a herd of dinosaurs like a nice little avalanche.
And maybe we'll nail Tenrec the same time.
This rock is for you.
Jack.
Is that how you spell Jack? Yeah, J, A, K.
Jack.
I thought there were two K's.
Do you think Jack's gonna check the spelling after this falls on him? Just hook up the line Mikla.
Ok? Ok, ok, I just thought there were two K's.
I can't take much more of this.
How much further Jack? There it is.
That's Arizona's point.
And the pass we want.
Right now any pass will do.
Keep coming, keep coming.
It's nearly in range.
Okay Jack, ready for a little smoke in your eyes? Ready to blow Hammer.
Good they're almost here.
All right Jack round two.
Jack look out! Hold on! This will slow him down.
The herd is heading for Ida.
You're not leading them enough.
I am so! You ain't slowing down any.
Take the wheel! What? You drive, catch the old boy.
What are you doing? What I gotta do.
Hurry! Let's go ugly! Stay close to him.
It worked! This time I'm going to stop him for good.
Jack! Jack! Where, where are you Jack? He must be under the rocks.
No kidding Toulouse.
But where? Well this arm looks kind of familiar.
Are we having fun yet? Well the macks got a new home, and it's beautiful.
Now let me patch you up.
You're a mess.
But I must admit you do bring new meaning to the term old blood.
Well I learned one thing.
Cadillacs and dinosaurs don't mix.
Got me a souvenir of the drive.
So did I.
Let's hang this in the garage.
The council thanks you Tenrec.
For saving the settlements and for maintaining the balance of life.
I didn't think it could be done.
What was that all about? Oh he was just saying goodbye.
Sounded a lot like thanks to me.
The forces of nature have spun wildly out of control.
Mighty cities have crumbled.
And the dinosaurs have returned to reclaim the earth.
In this savage land, one man stands alone.
Jack Tenrec.
Defending humanity in a world gone mad.
A world where only the strong survive.
A world of⦠Cadillacs and Dinosaurs! Governors.
I ask you to give me a firm hand and I promise to stop this dinosaur threat.
Once and for all.
Tenrec get out.
I didn't invite you.
An old blood mechanic doesn't need your invitation Scharnhorst.
Captain Noc, throw this man out.
Yes governor.
Guards! No! Let Jack stay.
I think it's important to hear the opinion of an old blood mechanic about your plan.
Nonsense.
You know what they say.
"The machinery of life is a balance and we have to maintain it".
That's fact, not opinion.
Exactly what do you plan to do about the mack threat to our settlements? I will decimate this heard of macks removing that danger forever.
Let's vote on it.
What? While I think there's merit to your plan governor Scharnhorst.
I too would like to hear mr.
Tenrec's reaction.
Don't you all realize you're sealing your own fate? And the fate of everyone in this city.
What did I tell you? Really Jack? Aren't you stretching things a little? Am I? Okay, wipe out the macks.
Why not? I believe why not is the reason we asked you to stay.
So why not? Think.
If Scharnhorst wipes out the macks.
Come next spring.
What do you think the cutters will eat? Our cattle, that's what.
Ridiculous, we'll post guards.
You think guards can stop octopus weeds from choking our fields? Without any macs to devour those weeds our crops will die and the whole city will starve.
So? We'll poison the octopus weeds.
And pollute our food, ourselves and our children.
The machinatio vitae allows no shortcuts.
There's a reason for life on every level of the food chain.
That's true.
What Tenrec calls the machinatio vitae is known by all Wasoons as the circle of life.
And the circle must not be broken.
Ambassador Dundee, I thank you for coming.
But I remind you you're only here as an observer.
Yes, and what I observe is the fine job you're all doing to keep nature in harmony.
As you know what affects you today touches my tribe tomorrow.
It's worth a vote.
Personally I've always wanted to see what Jack has up his sleeve.
Then I'm moved to let Tenrec handle this mack problem.
All in favor? All right.
But only 72 hours Tenrec and then I step in.
The council has a responsibility to safeguard the settlement lands And the settlers.
Good luck Jack.
Thanks.
I'll need all I can get.
Shall I stop him, governor? Why bother? Let Jack hang himself.
I'd hate to be in the path of those macks.
Nothing can stop them.
Well Mustafa, acording to old Jack you're gonna be and me too.
What? What can we do out there? Evacuate the settlers? No.
If we do that the macks won't leave until they chow down on every last bite of our crops.
Okay what are we gonna do? We're gonna move them out.
This is nuts Tenrec.
One of the privileges of weighing a couple of tons is that macks go where macks want to go.
We'll make the macks wanna go someplace else.
And how are we gonna do that Jack? Ask them pretty please? No, we'll take these big beauties.
I'll pilot the red one and you drive the blue one Mustafa.
Thanks Jack.
But exactly what am I going to do with it? Herd the macks to safe ground.
Did he said, herd the macks? Since when do dinosaurs like to be heard.
And with Cadillacs yet.
The truth is, I don't know if it's gonna work but it's worth a try.
It will work Jack.
I've been to the library.
What are you doing here? I'm a volunteer, I figured you need all you can get.
Look I found a historical precedent for your idea in this.
In the old days people drove their cattle to market riding horses.
I heard about them, cow punchers in fact I got some old cow puncher gear right here.
They used these to punch the cows.
But what I can't figure out is how they rode horses with them on.
However it was, those were cows.
And macks are lot bigger than cows.
And a lot meaner.
Yeah but this time we got 400 horses under the hood to do the job.
What are you worried about? I'm worried about their big tusks.
Macks have also got big ears.
They'll move.
Well somehow I think we'll need more help than that.
No.
no! Put me down Hermes.
What? You mean him? Yeah, him.
Let's get rolling.
Make room for me.
I'm coming.
Why are you coming Toulouse? The council felted vital that I should represent them in the field during this crisis of public safety to ensure cost controls are observed.
Uh-huh.
Can you handle a car? Without any compunction whatsoever.
All right then drive that one behind you.
I guess we need all the help we can get.
I entirely agree.
I'm here to help.
Sorry.
I'll put that car in my bill to the council.
Ride with Mustafa.
Mack tracks.
Yeah, they're heading toward the settlements.
Let's get rolling.
Them's a lot of macks down there.
More than I've ever seen together.
They seem peaceful enough now.
Of course they do.
They're eating all our crops.
What now Tenrec? Ok we'll surround them just like this.
Then we'll bunch them up together and move them all out.
It's working.
Kirgo said we should try a magic chant the cowboys used on the cows.
Oh yeah what's that? Goes like this.
Well, ain't that sweet? Look who's doing us a big favor rounding up the macks.
Sure gonna make our job a lot easier.
Now we got Jack were we want him.
Yeah, but I get the first chunk out of his carcass.
We'll cut him off of the path.
Saddle up! What's out there Hermes? If Hermes starts talking I'm gone.
But he is talking Hannah.
The trick is to know what he's saying.
Heads up everyone! We got trouble up ahead.
Here they come.
It almost makes me ashamed this will be so easy.
Yeah me too.
Almost.
Well I'm just completely torn up about it inside myself.
But I'll live and they won't.
Hey Hammer? We'll be taking prisoners? Prisoners? What's that? We're burning daylight.
There's dirty work to do boys.
I love this part.
Charge! We're almost on Qua Hoon! They tricked us! Tenrec you I'll get you Tenrec! Those poachers are going to spook the herd if they keep up that racket.
Well I don't like it either.
Could we even talk with them? Poachers shoot first, talk latter.
Oh no! Jump! Here it comes! Move! Making friends? Yeah, lots.
Do you think the old guy is finished? For now, at least he's headed in the right direction.
He'll hear you.
What? You are lying.
I assure you my governor, I'm not.
That's impossible.
Jack moved the macks.
But how? I don't know how he did it, but the settlements are out of danger.
No! I cannot let Tenrec succeed! Captain Noc.
Yes governor? Arm the guard.
We march tonight.
They need water Kirgo, herd them toward the river.
I'm trying Jack, but this old guy got a mind of his own.
He smells the river.
Keep them together.
We'll push the herd of Arizona's point tomorrow.
Drop down over the bugger mountains into this valley.
It's almost perfect.
The trail will pass dangerously close to Ida, a big mining town.
Anything goes haywire and they're gonna end up hamburger.
So we'll tell them to clear out.
Miners don't leave their claims.
We'll just have to be wide awake.
Everybody get some shut-eye.
How about some dessert first? What you got? Candide cactus a la Kirgo.
Pass.
We'll attack at midnight.
We'll whack them all in their sleep.
Yeah, we'll whack them good.
That's enough Hammer.
Scharnhorst.
I've skinned plenty of things bigger than you out here.
What do you want? What you want.
Let's make a deal.
The last deal we made with you left us with the short end of the stick.
Just hear me out.
You see if I herd of crazed dinosaurs just happened to stampede through that mining town a lot of people would be hurt.
And a lot of people would be angry.
And Jack Tenrec will be blamed for it, and ruined for life.
Tenrec's having a tough enough time moving that herd with his vehicles.
What makes you think we'll do any better? Dynamite nice.
If Tenrec manages to survive I'll trial him for murder.
My moles will eliminate the macks.
You'll get all the ivory.
I'll be hero and we both get rid of Tenrec.
Sounds good to me.
In fact, it should be a real blast.
Hey, are we herding him or is he herding us? I bet that horn is giving him as bad a headache as I got.
Better to have a headache that to be made into piano keys and billiard balls.
I agree but how much longer this is go on.
Hey bonehead! What you got against Cadillacs? Back off! That's telling him! No matter what I read in them all books about cowpunchers.
I'd hate to do this for a living.
Me too.
This is a real drag.
Yes, but I was just thinking about the agricultural advantage taming these beasts bring to the settlements.
Do us all a favor.
Don't think.
Sure glad we don't live in Ida.
That town is gonna be flattened! Come on Jack.
Come and get it.
Welcome to the destruction zone.
Good shooting brother Terhune.
Nothing to panic a herd of dinosaurs like a nice little avalanche.
And maybe we'll nail Tenrec the same time.
This rock is for you.
Jack.
Is that how you spell Jack? Yeah, J, A, K.
Jack.
I thought there were two K's.
Do you think Jack's gonna check the spelling after this falls on him? Just hook up the line Mikla.
Ok? Ok, ok, I just thought there were two K's.
I can't take much more of this.
How much further Jack? There it is.
That's Arizona's point.
And the pass we want.
Right now any pass will do.
Keep coming, keep coming.
It's nearly in range.
Okay Jack, ready for a little smoke in your eyes? Ready to blow Hammer.
Good they're almost here.
All right Jack round two.
Jack look out! Hold on! This will slow him down.
The herd is heading for Ida.
You're not leading them enough.
I am so! You ain't slowing down any.
Take the wheel! What? You drive, catch the old boy.
What are you doing? What I gotta do.
Hurry! Let's go ugly! Stay close to him.
It worked! This time I'm going to stop him for good.
Jack! Jack! Where, where are you Jack? He must be under the rocks.
No kidding Toulouse.
But where? Well this arm looks kind of familiar.
Are we having fun yet? Well the macks got a new home, and it's beautiful.
Now let me patch you up.
You're a mess.
But I must admit you do bring new meaning to the term old blood.
Well I learned one thing.
Cadillacs and dinosaurs don't mix.
Got me a souvenir of the drive.
So did I.
Let's hang this in the garage.
The council thanks you Tenrec.
For saving the settlements and for maintaining the balance of life.
I didn't think it could be done.
What was that all about? Oh he was just saying goodbye.
Sounded a lot like thanks to me.