Call the Midwife s10e07 Episode Script

1 It takes courage to stand tall to hold fast to one's ground in a world forever spinning.
We say, "This is my place.
I'm safe here.
" | will stay.
" But sometimes, a tempest comes and whips the earth up from our roots.
We stand diminished and exposed.
We are known.
We are naked.
And we tremble at the prospect of the next shift of the elements.
I took the step of going into Buckle's newsagent's and looking at the newspaper.
There is no commentary on last night's radio discussion - thus far.
- It certainly made for a very interesting recreational hour at the Mother House.
Mother Mildred will share her views when you arrive.
I'm struggling to discern whether this week's retreat is fortunately timed or the reverse, especially with Nurse Corrigan's news to digest.
You were hardly to know that her character references - had been falsified.
- But I do now.
I also know we have a young woman under our roof who has the most unfortunate start in life imaginable.
We must devise a plan.
And I have no notion of what that might be.
I was going to put the chair round the other side of the desk so I can face the light.
But if you do that, you will have your back to people as they enter.
And if you're running Nonnatus House during my absence, that is not the impression I would like you to convey.
And that's all the pupil midwives organised, all bar Nurse Corrigan, who will accompany me to the maternity home.
I'll keep her with me this week.
I heard her crying through the wall last night.
I did knock on her door, but she didn't answer.
I know that was kindly meant, Sister Frances, but there's to be no discussion of the situation during working hours.
Nurse Crane, do you think she will be dismissed? And no speculation, either.
Lisbon Buildings for you, Sister Frances.
Doreen Norris? Can I look in the Rolodex, Nurse Crane? It says Doreen Norris.
I'm sure she's not on our books.
She was at one time.
I delivered her little girl.
Must have been two years ago.
N for Norris.
N for no.
Not booked in.
And meanwhile, the contractions are coming every ten minutes.
Deliver now, ask questions later! Oh, Fred! Look at this.
You've got the Pippin mixed up with the Hotspur! The Pippin goes down here, next to Teddy Bear, where the little tots can reach! Don't know what Reggie's going to say about all this mess when he gets home at the weekend.
Neither do I, but he's going to be impressed with these CORVETTES! The allotment's spilling over with them.
What are they, Fred?! Er, they're a dwarf succulent marrow with a tender white flesh.
At least, that's what it said on the seed packet.
Well, you're not selling them in here.
I don't care if you have had a glut of the things.
Don't you want them for your Harvest Supper? I don't think so! I mean, the shape, it is really rather off-putting.
Have you come for Doreen? She's the only lady I know of in labour today, unless you've got a surprise for me.
Well, I have, but it's not that.
The water's gone off.
Again? To summarise, you have retyped all the damaged Lloyd George cards and correctly filed them all? Yes, Miss Higgins.
You have liaised with the district pharmacies, correctly identifying all patients entitled to home medication delivery and learned to efficiently dispatch samples of urine, sputum, blood and stool? With one notable and unfortunate exception, yes.
In which case, you are discharged from duty.
And I wish you all the very best at medical school.
This is your pen, Miss Higgins! I am hoping that when you use it, you will think of me and try to write more legible prescriptions than your father.
Doreen, I'm struggling to examine you, cos the mattress is sagging so much it's giving way.
You're going to disappear inside it if you're not careful! Me and my little Michelle manage OK.
Doreen, does your husband know you're in labour? I'm not sure he even knows I'm pregnant.
Right, I'm going to have to get you onto the couch.
I think we might all manage better if you're on a firm, low surface.
SHE GROANS There we go.
There we go.
There we go.
After this contraction, I'm going to phone Nonnatus House for some extra supplies.
Lisbon Buildings has always been a byword for filth, ever since my own first clays in the profession.
I have delivered babies with my head bare, because my coif and wimple were required to stop up a fractured pane.
I had to Elastoplast a Coco Pops packet over a broken window last week.
It isn't progress just because we're using brand names.
Ladies! Come on now.
Take your seats.
Following on from last week's class, we're moving on to an even more important subject, baby's first weeks.
Now, we have a new face amongst us today.
I'd like you all to welcome Sylvia Potts.
Hello, Sylvia.
Sylvia is about to adopt a baby.
She's been waiting a long time for this and she's now starting to get everything ready.
I know you will all make her feel very welcome.
Do you know if you're getting a boy or girl? Not yet.
Same as us, then! This is it now, Doreen.
We're almost there.
One huge, brave push for the shoulders.
And success! Congratulations! Oh! Don't cry, Doreen.
Just look at this beautiful little girl just waiting to meet you.
A girl? I'm sorry.
It's such a mess.
It's all just such a mess! Sylvia! You look upset.
What's happened? | 'm just happy I've been married ten years, Nurse Anderson.
I didn't want kiddies straight away, but when I did, nothing happened.
And I mean nothing.
Not even a false alarm.
I'd see everybody else standing outside the shops with their prams, and oh, I'd just feel so on the edge of everything.
But not here, precious, and not today.
Sister Frances is going to stay with you tonight and we're going to try to get you a bed at the maternity home tomorrow.
You need to recuperate, and your landlord needs to attend to this damp! We've all given up on 'em in here.
Must be half a dozen landlords, all subletting from the owner.
God only knows who he is! And once again, we have running water! We always have running water, Nurse.
Just sometimes it's running down the walls! Telegram! Least your family know how much I mean to you.
My grandfather was a good man, Lucille.
A better man than my father, if truth be told.
And I saw a lot more of him.
Maybe the preacher genes just skipped a generation.
I said my goodbyes to him the day before I caught the boat.
Of all of them, he was the one I knew I'd never see again.
I thought that would be enough.
And now I know that it wasn't.
Funeral's Friday, and I can't go.
What if we have a prayer meeting at exactly the same time? Other people do that.
I never heard it said the Holy Spirit takes any notice of oceans.
We can be at the funeral in our hearts.
Soon enough, we'll go home for our wedding.
And would that be home to Jamaica? Or home to British Guyana? We have time for work out all of that.
This is going to be a long engagement.
- What's happening? - Hold the baby! Good morning, campers! We've a bed for you at the maternity home, Doreen, and I've been given permission to move you and baby by taxi as soon as we gather your things.
Sister Frances, you can stand down.
- Look on the draining board.
- What? Look on the draining board.
That was in baby's bed.
Pack your things and go back to Nonnatus House.
And on your way, you can dispose of this.
Well, I think the Harvest Supper is what we all need, Mrs Myers.
Any fruit and veg donated will be passed on to the pensioners of Poplar.
What's this?! This is is how people live, Mrs Buckle! This is what crawls through their homes and curls up next to their newborn babies while they sleep in Poplar, where you are an elected councillor and sit on the Housing Committee! If you want to confer with me about council matters, then you need to come to my surgery in the institute on Thursday night.
There's no need for an appointment.
I shall want Dr Turner to give you the once-over, but I certainly see no reason why we can't proceed with the maternity-home delivery as planned.
And I can still have my sister with me for the birth? As we discussed.
She's the one who'll be adopting the baby.
I want her to hear it cry as soon as it's born.
So does she.
Do you need any assistance with the paperwork, Mrs Dellow? Private adoptions are just that, private, and they're not unheard of within families.
But we can advise, if you need us to.
Sylvia's been to a solicitor already.
We wanted everything to be just right, even if we are related.
We know you haven't rushed into this.
And it's very clear it's all come from a place of love.
I promised our mum, when she was dying, that I'd always look after the baby.
The baby was always Sylvia in those days.
I was a teenager when she was just toddling.
And now when we talk about the baby - we mean this! - Did you not intend to get yourself - in the family way, Mrs Dellow? - Oh, Gawd love you! I'm 42! I've brought up four daughters, two grown up and gone, two still at home.
I cried for a week when I fell for this one.
And my husband, his face turned grey.
Would you write up Mrs Dellow's notes, please, Nurse? Do we have a Mrs Sylvia Potts with us? - Is it starting? - Have you had any other pains, Mrs Dellow? On and off since this morning.
But I reckon that one might be the real thing.
Bless us, O Lord, and these, thy gifts, which we receive by thy bounty.
Amen.
Thank you, Sister Monica Joan.
You might like to say grace for us at each mealtime, since you are the most senior person present.
In chronological terms, obviously.
Meanwhile, Sister Frances, I have had Mrs Violet Buckle on the telephone giving me chapter and verse on what seems to have been a most regrettable incident involving vermin? Oh, it was one rat.
And it was dead.
Sister Frances, I told you to dispose of it, not take it on a Grand Tour of retail premises! She needed to be shown.
Now, you are privileged to wear the habit of the Order of St Raymond Nonnatus.
That makes you visible and creates expectations.
I advise you to remember that in future.
Before I go any further, I must reiterate that Lisbon Buildings is not council property.
But the council put it under a demolition order whilst doing nothing whatsoever to rehouse its residents! Building tower blocks takes time, Nurse Franklin! However, please be advised that I spent most of yesterday afternoon on the telephone, attempting to identify the owners of the tenement in question.
Now Ahem Lisbon Buildings is owned by a company called Hale, Woods & Sons, and a member of the board has agreed to meet with suitable spokespersons to discuss concerns arising.
Oh, I'm very suitable.
I've stayed the night there.
Whereas I am able to provide the voice of reason.
Well, their secretary suggested meeting at their Whitechapel office this afternoon.
No.
If they're going to believe the conditions, they need to physically see them.
If Doreen gives us her permission, I suggest that we ask him to meet us at her flat.
Come on, Blanche.
As you push, Doctor will pull.
That's right.
It's all about teamwork from this point.
I'm too tired.
No, lass.
You've more strength than you know.
One more, now.
One really good, strong push! Come on, Blanche! That's the way! That's it! Now, don't push for a moment.
And it's a boy.
A boy! A boy! Oh, it's a boy, Sylvia! You'll be able to hold him in a minute.
No.
Give him to his mum.
There we are.
Hello! Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
This is somewhat untoward.
You are welcome to visit once a month and by prior arrangement.
You have made no prior arrangement.
You might make up your own rules, but they're not the same as the laws in the outside world.
And you speak as an authority, do you? I speak as someone whose knowledge is growing all the time.
I've found out all sorts of things since I've been on the district, about things like social workers and Children's Officers either one of whom could enforce my right to see my daughter whenever I wish.
For as long as you leave Colette in our care, she is your sister, not your daughter.
It is part of the terms to which we all agreed.
You are to abide by those terms for the good of the child.
Or you will not be permitted to see her at all.
Look who's here, Colette.
Nancy! What are you up to? Are you playing with the Fuzzy-Felts? That one's leg's come off.
He was in an accident.
I'll fetch some juice.
- I brought your sweeties! - Both kinds? Yes, cos I just so happen to be the best big sister in the whole world.
Take off that cardie.
You'll get too hot, sitting underneath that window.
Hello, love! We've put him in that little silk suit I bought when I went up West.
You're going to keep him just lovely.
- Isn't she, Eddie? - Oh, nothing but the best.
Do you want to hold him? Oh, go on.
I love him.
I just love him! Just like I would any other nephew.
You forget how big this soft spot is on the top of their heads.
I suppose you do.
And don't fret about those forceps marks.
They'll soon fade.
I bought this months ago, when we agreed what we were going to do.
I found it in that jeweller's in Crisp Street.
There's a space on it for engraving the baby's name.
All along, I've been thinking Justine for a girl and Justin for a boy.
Justin it is! Children play roughly with one another.
It is in their nature.
Colette said one of the nuns did it! Now, she won't say which.
That hurts me more than the bruises, because it means she's petrified.
Like I was petrified.
It's not inconceivable that you and the girl share certain traits, and unacceptable behaviour must always be corrected! Who decides what's unacceptable? You? In the absence of anyone else to bring this child up, yes.
I have never been absent.
And if she's such a trouble to you, from now on I'll bring her up myself.
Colette? Come on, little fellow.
Let's have a look at these hands.
You were right, of course.
Just the single palmar crease on each hand.
I think we both know what we're looking at.
And now we must work out how to break the news.
Well, you won't hear me using the word "mongol".
It's outmoded and it's horrible.
The correct term is Down's syndrome.
Let's encourage everybody to stick with that.
Oh, bless the lad! It's all there, even the gap between his first and second toes.
But he seems perfectly healthy.
I suppose any heart concern may not manifest till later.
Let's hope not.
I'll refer him to the paediatrician, make sure he's fully examined.
As you say, our main task now is to inform the mother.
Mm.
But which one? You mean he's handicapped? The medical name for the condition is Down's syndrome.
I don't care what the medical name is! I know what it means.
It means he's not normal.
It means he's not average.
It'll be all right, Syl.
It will.
- I promise you.
- No, it isn't, Blanche! It isn't going to be all right! I know this isn't what you expected, Sylvia, but sometimes, when babies are born, things come as a surprise and it takes time to readjust.
You'll have to excuse me, sir, but your secretary didn't make it clear if we'd be meeting Mr Hale or Mr Woods.
I'm sorry, er, there must have been an error.
My name is Aylward, Matthew Aylward.
I do beg your pardon.
It wasn't a very clear line.
Why is there a cooker on the landing? It's a kitchen.
For whom? Three or four tenants will share it.
Erm, you said number 11.
Thank you for agreeing to meet with me, ladies.
I hope I haven't kept you waiting.
Not at all, Mr Aylward.
It's It's very good of you to find the time.
May I introduce Sister Hilda from the Order of St Raymond Nonnatus? Of course, yes.
I recognise the habit.
I would describe this as a fairly typical Lisbon Buildings apartment, although it does have its own sink, which is relatively unusual.
A woman gave birth to her second child in here this week, attended by Nurse Franklin.
This is the only home the woman knows.
And she will share that bed with both children.
It's It's damp.
| can see it's damp from here.
Is there not anywhere you can air the sheets and blankets? This building is rotting from the foundations up and the roof down.
The moisture oozes out from the walls! I've seen funguses the size of cauliflowers.
And there are some flats where you don't know if you're looking at mould or a pattern on the paper.
I took the liberty of bringing a copy of the latest survey by the Medical Officer.
It describes the borough's extermination policies and incidences of flea, louse and cockroach infestation throughout all buildings declared unfit for human habitation, including this one.
I will make sure to speak to the tenant landlords.
The sublessees deserve better than this.
Thank you.
And that, it would appear, is the end of the consultation.
No, it isn't! How dare you walk away?! - How dare you?! - How else should I respond? If you're in need of guidance, may I suggest, 1, remorse, 2, an apology and, 3, a plan of action.
I feel so sick, I hardly know where to start! I'm sorry, but that's just plain self-indulgence.
Do you know what makes me feel sick? The rattle of bugs in these filthy walls! The smell of rodents' urine on this baby's toy! Do you intend for me to take this home, keep it as a souvenir? Oh, it's hardly going to look the part in your son's immaculate nursery.
Besides, it belongs to another child and they might miss it.
Where are we going now? We're going to carry on with our adventure.
Come on.
Are you all tucked up nice and warm? Oh! Gawd love you.
Gawd love you.
I don't know who you look like.
I don't.
But there's no way you look like a Justin to me.
Come here.
Come here.
PHONE RINGS Good morning.
Nonnatus House.
Midwife speaking.
Nurse Franklin? It's Matthew Aylward.
I see.
I'm afraid we didn't part on the best of terms yesterday.
I'd like to offer to make amends.
To the people who live in that squalid tenement? Well Because they are the ones who deserve an apology, not me.
KNOCK ON DOOR Nancy? She will have gone to her child, to the font of all her grief and trouble to the source of the only love she feels.
I spoke to the police.
Other than taking her description and a report of her last known movements, they say there's little more they can do.
I, meanwhile, have spoken to Sister Paul at the convent where Nancy used to lodge.
The conversation was, er, best described as "frosty", and she ended by saying, "Try Fatima Lodge.
" She will have gone to her child.
Fatima Lodge is an orphanage.
It belongs to the same order.
Miss Corrigan took her daughter with her, without our permission, without so much as a change of clothes! Did she say where she was going? She intimated that she had all manner of plans for herself and, indeed, for the child.
But as far as we can tell, she took absolutely nothing with her when she left here yesterday.
Once again, she has put herself at risk.
And once again, she has done what she has always done she has gone in pursuit of the things that she desires! And if the day is not already sufficiently replete with woe, Sister Frances has brought bedbugs back from Doreen Norris's delivery.
I've told her to strip her bed, strip herself and get in an antiseptic bath.
Oh, I should not care to report this catalogue of grief to Sister Julienne when she returns.
- Can we go to the fair again? - Er We'll stay in the hotel till it stops raining, and then we'll go feed the ducks.
You wanted this baby for nine months, Sylvia, and I don't want him now is that what you're trying to force me to say? Ladies, nobody is trying to force anybody to say or do anything.
And it's completely understandable that you're both upset.
I'm not upset, Nurse Crane.
I'm angry, but I'm not upset.
She's not thinking straight.
He'll have to go in a home.
The only home that he is going into is mine.
You look at him, this beautiful, helpless baby, and all you see is what you're afraid of! Here you go, Tim.
The little ones are in bed.
A nice civilised dinner with the grown-ups and your first glass of wine.
- Not my first glass of wine.
- Oh, yes? A boy named Partridge smuggled some into the dormitory at school.
I'm glad I didn't hear about that at the time.
I didn't get very far with it.
There was a picture of a nun in a blue habit on the side of the bottle.
I kept thinking of how disappointed they would all be at Nonnatus House.
What's this? Courgettes in a cream sauce.
It's a new French vegetable.
Fred's had a glut on his allotment.
There are also cutlets.
Ah! Hm! Liebfraumilch.
Oh, that's rather refreshing! You can hardly tell I've had to turn the sleeves up at all.
How does he look? He looks about 30.
He's got his new duffel coat for outerwear.
That will keep him looking up to date.
Come on now, time for the big event! It's too long.
They wear them shorter on the wards.
I saw when I went for the interview.
I'm taking the hem up to allow for growing room.
Boys can carry on growing till they're 21, Tim.
You might end up six foot six! I'll have you know I'm quite the needlewoman when it comes to medical garments.
When your father and I were only professionally acquainted Do you mean when you were still a nun? he once lost a button off his white coat, and I secretly sewed it back on to prevent him looking unkempt to patients.
- Yes, and look what that started! - Ohh! NO, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It's a jolly good job we had a rehearsal with Sister Frances.
We have plenty of disinfectant, and the whole bally lot can go in the copper for a boil wash.
And you mustn't forget things like your slippers.
Bedbugs lay their eggs everywhere.
My slippers aren't slippers! They're boudoir mules, and they're trimmed with ostrich feather.
They are not going anywhere near a boil wash! Your separates are absolutely crawling.
And whisper it, but I just saw something jump.
Stop it! Stop it! There's only one viable course of action.
Every single item goes to the council fumigator to be stoved.
Oh, he's a bonny little thing! Have you decided what you're going to call him yet? I've settled on Robert.
Ah! Hello, Robert.
All the time I carried him, I worried about what would happen when my milk came in, how I'd get rid of it.
I never thought about what would happen when the love came in.
Mm.
Love is a very, very hard thing to get rid of or hold back once it starts to flow.
If there's one thing I've seen time and time again, it's that you can't dry it up with Epsom salts or willpower.
Doctor will bring your husband in as soon as you're ready.
I'm ready now.
He looks like any other baby.
In many ways, he is.
He'll be slower to walk and talk than the average child.
But he will walk and he will talk.
And children with Down's syndrome can be so rewarding to care for.
They're known for being happy and affectionate.
He won't get put away? No! Not put away.
And not hidden away either! You've seen that boy down the paper shop.
What, that red-headed lad? Reggie? Reggie's lovely.
You're his mother what do you want? Him.
I want him, Walter.
I just never knew how much.
I love him.
I just love him.
I love his little lips and his little fingers and everything.
Are we really going to get to take him home? You did hear what I said, didn't you? You do understand that Robert is special? That's not his fault.
I reckon your dad needs another man about the house, anyway.
Even things up a bit.
The clutch bag's crawling! I look like a librarian.
I was a librarian in Jamaica.
Me never dressed like that.
I can go if you'd rather hide in here.
No.
It's an exercise in humility, if nothing else.
Afternoon.
You look nice.
If this is a formal visit, I imagine you're calling to see Sister Hilda.
No.
As a matter of fact, I'm calling to see you to apologise.
A lady always accepts an apology.
And a gentleman always knows when he's in the wrong.
My family have been in the wrong for about 100 years.
Please, will you at least give me the chance to have a conversation? Very well, but not here and not today.
It's beautiful.
You didn't need to buy him a present, Mrs Buckle.
As soon as your girls came into the shop and told me, I knew I did.
The Duchess of Kent favours that clothing manufacturer for the little Earl of St Andrews.
Oooh It's like having a a missing piece of a jigsaw.
I never knew Reggie when he was a newborn or even a child.
His mother was Fred's cousin, and, erm well, by the time that she died and we took him in, he was already quite grown up! Oh, look at that face! Not many people are going to say this to you, Blanche, but I hope I can.
You are a very lucky woman.
- Goodnight.
- Yes.
Goodnight.
- Goodnight, Pastor.
- Pastor Robinson? That was a beautiful memorial meeting for your grandfather.
Thank you for coming and for your testimony.
Good evening.
Goodnight now.
Has Mrs Wallace gone? I rinsed out her Pyrex dish, and she's forgotten it.
- She's gone.
- Hmm.
And the dish will keep.
So many things in life won't or are just too hard to wait for.
If you're thinking of kissing me out here in the street, Cyril Robinson, I advise you against it.
This is a busy thoroughfare.
I was thinking something else.
Kissing comes into it, but it isn't everything.
Do your backs as well as the fronts.
You've been eating sweets for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Money's due.
Go over the landing to the bathroom, brush your teeth in there.
I don't have any money.
I've taken leave from my job.
I've spent what I had.
So I don't know when I can pay you, but I will.
It's hard to be alone and with a child.
I will wait.
You will? I'm kind.
You can be kind, too.
Your face is bleeding.
Oh, come on back in, quick, before you catch your death! You're actually going to get married here? And soon.
At Christmas.
Oh, I hope people don't start gossiping! I I deem it unlikely, when we have before us a couple of such shining virtue.
Lucille and I are from different countries as far away from each other as they are from here, at least in terms of our relatives getting from one to the other and all the saving up we'd have to do.
Sometimes I think we just need to look at where the Lord has put us and why and with who and do things his way.
You should have come straight here.
You've put yourself and your little girl in danger, you've had two orders or nuns at each others throats and everybody here beside themselves with worry.
The litany of her misdemeanours has been recited oft and not with mercy.
She has borne a child beyond the bounds of wedlock.
If that consigns her to the margins, the margins are where we dwell and do his work.
So, what do you think we should do? Ask her what it is that she desires.
You mean ask me what I want? Yes.
Er | want to qualify as a midwife.
I want to make a home for Colette and be free to tell her who she is to me and why I love her.
I want to have no secrets, to be trusted to belong.
And for us to live a life where there are no bruises.
We own warehouses all the way up the river to Rotherhithe.
The covered markets and tenement blocks were just a sideline, a strategic investment when Queen Victoria was new to widow's weeds.
And now we're five monarchs further on, and no-one should be living in 19th-century conditions.
No They shouldn't.
I intend to change that.
It's the proper thing to do.
I also need to do something forward-looking something that leads to something new.
I'm still just trying to scramble my way through this, er Grief.
Yes.
I just don't know how.
But I do know that living in the past will not help me to move forward.
Evening, Bert! Our usual beverage, please.
Back again? You're like a bad penny.
You, er You going to be repeating the pickled egg experiment? No! It was horrible! Fred! What about the beer? We can have a beer another time.
Walt, wait.
Walt, are you not feeling too good, pal? Eh? Oh, mate.
It's all right, mate.
Come on, come home with us.
Matthew? Have you read Fiona's letter yet? No.
All I did was take dictation, but Fiona put so much love onto that page.
Take your pick, Walter.
It's a full tin of luxury teatime assorted on account of Reggie being home.
Yeah, if you'd have come yesterday, there would have been a load of misshapes from the cash-and-carry.
- Fred! - Do you take any sugar? Yes, please.
Just one.
Thank you.
I appreciate it.
Mr Dellow's had a very busy week, Reggie.
His wife has just had a new baby.
You're a bit old.
Well, can't argue with that! Will you be allowed to push the pram? Oh, men don't push the pram, Reg.
I would, if somebody would let me.
Mm! Ladies and gentlemen, we are here today to celebrate our big brother Timothy getting into medical school.
He will help babies be born, like our mummy and daddy, and we hope that he will not .
.
drop them! He will be far away, but he will always ring us up on Sundays.
The word for a family of lions is a pride, and Teddy has put his lion costume on to show the pride our family has for Timothy.
Come on, Teddy, your turn! Take a bow! Whoo! Oh, I'm going to have to stop for a minute catch me breath.
I'd be as slinky as a whippet if the lift was out that often.
Can't smell anything untoward on me now, can you, Fred? I don't want Blanche thinking that I've turned to drink.
What, cos of the kiddie? Because of the kiddie being the way that he is.
All the rest of it him coming along unannounced and all the carry-on, it was nothing.
I said nothing.
And I'm not going to say anything, even now.
Do you want to say something? I want to say that I'm not at ease with this.
I want to say, "Blanche, this is going to be hard!" I want to say that this is a road I never thought I'd go down.
It's a road I never thought I'd go down.
People like my Reggie and your Robert, when we were growing up, the only time you ever saw them was when they were being led down the road by a matron on an outing from some sort of home.
They weren't with their families.
What did you think when you saw 'em? Well, I'd like to say I don't remember, but I do.
I threw stones at a boy that was simple once.
I was only joining in with the others, but | threw 'em.
He thought we wanted to play with him.
He was running towards us.
We hurt him, Fred! We were kids, and we were ignorant.
Some folk stay ignorant all their lives.
But I can't, and you can't now.
Reggie was an education.
In what way? He taught me how to love more.
And that's what your Robert's doing for you.
Does loving more always hurt like this? Once in a while, pal but not always.
I've been ticking things off lists for weeks.
Now, the day after tomorrow, Timothy will be gone.
I don't want to put a tick against that.
Not tonight.
Not ever.
We'll be doing it for all of them, one by one.
He's the first.
And I keep thinking, if there was only just one last little thing I could do for him, one last little thing that shows how much he means to us and, "Fly, fly as high as you can" But I can't think of what it might be.
I can.
The sisters in Cork used to tell me that want must be my master.
Passion seems to be dyed into me, and I can't wash it out.
I can't help it.
Well, that doesn't mean we can't help you.
You may continue to live here and resume your training.
We will vouch for you and provide honest references.
You'll have to tell people I'm an unmarried mother.
11% of babies born in this district are illegitimate.
Even before the war, it was 10%.
I'm no longer entirely sure it's right to set ourselves apart.
Does Sister Julienne know you've said that? We spoke on the telephone before she left the Mother House at the end of her retreat.
She's also agreed that we should find a suitable local foster family to take care of Colette until you've finished your training.
- Local to here? - Yes.
Can I tell her I'm her mother? I'd beg you wait just a little while, until she's more settled and so are you.
Go and get your coats.
- Are you ready to go for that walk, love? - Aw! I like his face.
Don't let the sun catch you crying The night's the time for all your tears Your heart may be broken tonight But tomorrow in the morning light Don't let the sun catch you crying We know that crying's not a bad thing But stop your crying when the birds sing "Dearest Matthew, if I had written this letter a year ago, "it would have been all about my love for you.
"It would have been all about my fears for you.
" | would have put the recipe in it for my special bread sauce, "so you'd never have to go without bread sauce at Christmas.
"You're going to have such a lot of Christmases "without me, darling Matt" Fiona loved Christmas.
The tragedy is, we only ever spent three together.
And they just marked me for a lifetime.
It was bloody magnificent bread sauce.
"But we have had a baby.
"Nothing is ever going to be all about you again.
"And once all of this rather tiresome departure business "is over, not much is going to be all about me.
"It's all right, my love.
"You have to write Jonathan's story now.
"People will say that Jonathan is my legacy ".
.
that he is the thing I left behind.
"But I want him to be the thing that grows ".
.
that runs ahead into the future.
"Find some other way to remember me.
"And if all else fails and you really can't think of anything "to do but put a picture of me in a silver frame, that's fine.
"Just make sure I'm smiling, darling.
" Mr Aylward, you made a very kind donation to our order only recently.
Well, this is almost too kind.
I am personally pledging this amount to you, to the order and to Nonnatus House on an annual basis for as long as your work in the East End continues.
Please accept it, Sister Julienne.
How could I refuse when it secures our future? Your future in reparation for our past.
And in memory of someone very precious.
We can choose where we live and where we hope to flourish.
We can choose to be good, to be brave, to endure but not the place to which our hearts run, nor what our souls may find along the way.
Love is its own force, the fruit that we give and we receive.
It is the crop that seeds itself and waters its own shoots.
Love is our harvest.
Let us fill our barns with it.
There will never be enough love and there cannot be too much.