Camp s01e10 Episode Script

Hey, everybody! Another great Little Otter summer is coming to an end, but before it does, we have two super fun days of competition at the inter-camp Olympics.
Staff, cabins need to be cleaned out by Friday.
If you don't have a ride home, check the ride share board.
Don't.
It's not over yet.
How is this gonna work? We're gonna have a great 48 hours And then we'll say good-bye And then we'll be sad But we're gonna keep on living And we'll stay in touch using technology And then on Christmas day, I'm gonna get on a bus in Virginia and arrive in Florida ten hours later.
- You are? - Mm-hmm.
Will your mom mind? - My mom? - Yeah.
She won't even notice.
Cool.
Okay, let's go to this stupid thing.
Come on.
You look like an Olsen twin.
Take 'em off.
Here, try these.
Better.
Actually - Much better.
- I don't want to go.
Buzz, you have to go.
Camp Olympics, it'll be fun.
Guys! Tell him he has to go.
Yeah, if I have to go, you have to go.
Nobody's even talking about the fight.
Ryan's gonna be there.
So? He's not gonna try anything.
Why don't you just try to get him fired? - Yeah.
- Buzz, don't let him ruin camp.
We'll all be there.
Come with us.
There's sheet cake.
I love sheet cake.
That's the spirit! You're so miserable.
Wow.
So, Cole, we're partners now, right? Yep.
And the Mack stuff is behind us? It's behind me.
How about you? Nothing but a distant memory, and I have total recall.
That's how far behind me it is.
- Great.
- Good.
- Dad - What? What? Brothers before others.
Mates before dates.
- To Alaska.
- To Alaska.
Otter! Otter! Otter! Welcome to the opening ceremony of the inter-camp Olympics.
Yes, welcome everybody.
Now, as we all know, Ridgefield holds a six-year winning streak over our gracious hosts, Little Otter.
Yes, but with two days of events, anything can happen.
And now, our national anthem, sung by our very own Lou Duchovny! Come on, it's not that bad.
Oh, please, it's like a cat Burning to death.
Shh! - Oh, God.
- Okay, you know what? You know what, sweetie? Just start again.
Go from the top.
- Yeah? Oh, it's all good.
- Okay.
- Okay, you're good.
- Ugh, yes, more.
- Just go from the top.
- Keep singing.
Hi.
Hey! What's the matter? The singing? What? Oh, no.
There's this Ridgefield girl who I just found out we're swimming against in the relay.
I want to beat her so badly her children are losers.
You need anyone? I'll swim a leg.
Really? That'd be amazing.
Done.
Okay, what's with all the smiles? I don't know.
I feel smile-y.
Where are you going right now? To the pantry, to get some wine.
I'll help you.
I feel like my ears are being water boarded.
Come to Tuscany with me.
- Tuscany? - Yeah.
Sounds good, right? I've got two weeks before I have to be back at work.
Let's go.
That's the problem with America Too much confidence, not enough skill.
Am I right? Well, look who fell out of his shame spiral.
- Hey, back off! - Why are you such a dick? - You still owe me money.
- Hey! Come on.
Don't think, say yes.
Back off.
- What is wrong with you? - Walk away, go.
What's happening? You owe me money.
- Back off.
- You! - Hey! - What? Hey! Hey, it was you, wasn't it? You're the one that beat up my son! What are you, 19? You go around beating up little kids? - What? - Yeah? - I didn't touch him! - Huh? Huh? Mom, stay out of it! What are you gonna do, - beat me up, too? - What? No.
Tie me to a tree? You little punk! - Hmm? How's that feel? - Hey, hey, hey, hey! - Whoa, whoa, stop, stop! - How's that feel in front - of all your friends? - Stop, stop! He beat him up and he tied him to a tree.
Camp 1x10- Last Days of Summer SEASON/SERIES FINALE Welcome to day one of the inter-camp Olympics! We have a full slate of exciting games leading up to tomorrow's final event, the eliminator! Until then, let the games begin! What? Oh! Aah! Yeah! - You got this, Fyo! - No mercy! Marina.
Mack needs you in the office! Okay, yeah.
I'll be right back.
Go! Watch your face! - Go, Fyo! - Come on, come on, come on! - Come on! - Yes! - Hey, Mack, what's up? - Uh You probably don't remember me, Marina.
I'm your aunt, Jeanette.
Oh, my God.
My mom? - She's not hurt.
- She's in jail.
She was caught carrying drugs for her new boyfriend.
- That's impossible.
- Since she won't be able to take care of you, you'll have to come live with me.
What are you what are you talking about? It looks like she might be in for a while.
Best hope is for a year.
I don't know what you mean.
I haven't seen you since I was a kid! My mom never talks to you! Mack, I need to speak to my mom.
Okay, we'll call her.
Why don't I get settled in my cabin.
- It's a lot of news to take in.
- Mm-hmm.
We're closed! Hello, Buzz.
It's Roger.
This is your cabin.
It's charming.
Like a Brazilian shanty, all sticky and musty and Mm, that smell is, um, what? - Breakfast nachos.
- Ah.
Would you care for one? No, thank you.
Buzz, I just want to be sure that I have all the information about the incident at bear Mountain.
I have nothing to say.
Look Ryan is a massive idiot.
He's an angry kid with a stick treating the world like his pinata.
Do you know what a pinata is, Buzz? It's Spanish.
Papier-mache, filled with treats.
- I know what a pinata is.
- Good.
Thing is, Buzz, you're a good kid.
These moments, we choose how they define us.
You understand? Crack a window.
Good! Nice job, Sheila.
Good work.
Remember to really reach.
Let me know if you need to borrow some floaties for your team.
Let us know if you need to borrow some class.
Hmm.
Hey, where's your trash talk? We hate her.
Sorry, I was distracted, thinking about something else.
What happened in the pantry, that was just one of those - Totally hot.
- Yeah, that's fine.
This looks very flammable.
Oh, Robbie, Robbie, don't go there.
- It's a mistake! - Slow motion car wreck.
Why are we so interested? Because we have children, and nothing ever happens to us.
Right.
How are you getting to Stanford? Um, no idea.
What if we carpool? Yeah? I mean, if that works for you, great.
Okay.
Yeah, I promise.
Bye, mom.
I love you, too.
She said my grandma's too sick, and if I don't go with my aunt Jeanette, I have to go into foster care, 'cause there's no one else.
I don't even know where Winnipeg is.
Canada.
Above North Dakota.
Founded by fur traders.
I don't know anything about her.
She's a total stranger.
I've found most people have good intentions, if you give them a chance.
It's been a tense day of competition so far, with Ridgefield carrying a narrow lead.
Don't miss the action at the archery range as our two camp directors face off.
Given any more thought to Tuscany? Agnolotti.
Negronis.
Vespas.
Fire that serial killer who beat up my son, then maybe we'll talk.
I went to Buzz.
He's not talking.
We don't pay our people in acorns like you do.
- We have an H.
R.
Department.
- H.
R.
? What kind of corporate B.
S.
Is that, Roger? There is a right way to handle this.
Oh, what, like humiliating your son in front of both camps? You love to point the finger, Mack, but you don't want to turn the mirror back on yourself, do you? What else was I supposed to do? He needed my help.
And you don't care about anything except yourself.
You know what? Tuscany, revoked.
Yeah, no Diane Lane "get your groove back" movie for you.
What are you talking about? I like romantic comedies.
Didn't know that about me, did you, mm-hmm? Oh, it's my loss.
My terrible loss.
No, actually, Roger, it's your loss.
Yes! Hey, I-I brought you some bug spray to spray on the sheets.
Thank you.
I'm sorry about before.
You know, it's just, this is a big change for me.
You don't think it's a big change for me? You think I have money lying around to feed another mouth? - I can get a job.
- Yes, you will.
And you will live by my rules.
I know what kind of girl you are.
You're the spitting image of your mother.
I know all about that naked picture you took.
You don't know a thing about me or my mom.
Believe me, this is the best thing that could have happened to you.
God knows what you learned being raised by that Go ahead.
Say it.
So I just realized, we both have presidents' day weekend off.
Whoa, hey.
What's up? Hey, stop! What's the matter? I have to get out of here! Why, what's going on? Tell me.
- My mom's in jail.
- What? Yeah, I have to live with my aunt in Winnipeg, and she hates me! She called my mom a slut, and she said I'm not allowed to use the Internet, or have friends over, which means I'll never be able to see you! That's why I have to get out of here.
What do you mean, like run away? - Now, by yourself? - Yes! You know, I can't live with her, and I can't count on my mom! - I don't have anyone! - Yeah, you do.
I'll go with you.
Tonight, let's go together.
Listen, guys, there are two types of people in this world.
You're either a stick, or you're a pinata.
You guys, don't listen to him.
You can be anything you want to be, like Like a pediatric neurosurgeon, or the editor of The New Yorker, or the first female, Asian president.
Talula! Stop! We don't hit people.
It's okay.
She's just illustrating my point.
She's a stick, and I'm a pinata.
Ah, Grace, could you take the kids outside for a minute please, hon? Stay where you are.
I'm leaving.
I messed up last night.
I lost my temper.
You'll understand when you have kids.
Pretty sure no one is gonna have kids with me after last night.
Look, you've got to tell Roger that it was Ryan who beat you up.
Can you just stay out of it, please? You think it's uncool to tell on him, is that what this is? Mom, it's not your fight, drop it! You're making it so much worse.
I just want the summer to be over.
Okay.
So, once we pull our camp paychecks, we'll have $2,124, after taxes.
On your marks! We can go anywhere! Well, I have a cousin in San Francisco Oh! Or San Diego.
- Yeah.
- One of the two.
I love California.
I'll get a job waiting tables.
We'll save up, get our own place.
With, like, a little garden.
We can grow vegetables and stuff.
- Yes! - And then I'll get my license.
- Uhhuh.
- You know what I mean? Like, and then - That's a win for Ridgefield! - Whoo! Buzz is really mad at me.
Were you beat up as a kid? Yeah, all the time.
I've got two older brothers.
Can't keep fighting his battles for him, Mack.
Yeah.
What am I gonna do without you? I'm not dying.
I'm just not gonna be here.
You'll figure it out.
I'll see you at the thing.
Don't tell Roger I was here.
- Both: Mmm - Ladies.
Our new house cocktail.
- Ohh! - Thank you.
Wow, what's in it? Well, we start with a generous base of gin Then we add two more splashes of gin, and then we strain it all into a chilled glass filled with gin.
We call it, "the decathlon.
" - Mm.
It will mess you up ten different ways.
- Oh, yeah.
- Mm! Whew! We may have over-bought on gin.
Okay, seriously, what is going on with you and Roger? He invited me to go to Tuscany with him.
- Do it.
- But then we had a fight, so he revoked the offer.
- Tuscany.
- Mm-hmm.
Whatever you did, take it back.
Come on, what else does a rich, hot guy with an accent have to do? I don't know, but he hasn't done it yet.
I need tonic.
I think I know what's going on.
Both: What? Someone's having second thoughts about Mr.
"well, he's too young for me" over there.
- What? - Mm-hmm.
Cole went and got jobbed up at Ridgefield, and now, suddenly, he's looking - like the better option.
- Mm.
No, come on, guys.
It was never gonna work out with Cole.
Okay, now we're in business.
How many pills do you take? The little white ones in the morning, the big white ones three times a day, the little blue ones just before bed, and the yellow ones as needed for nausea.
Do you get nauseous a lot? Well, only if I don't take my trusty yellows.
Do you have enough pills to last? Yeah, my my dad just sent me some new ones, so I'm pretty good for a while.
What? Y-you can't run away with me, Kip.
What? - I'm strong.
I'm fine.
- No, I know you are.
No, you don't.
You just saw my pills and said I can't go! No.
You think I'm weak.
No, listen to what I'm saying! I care about what happens to you! I'm not letting you go alone, okay? Just stop.
Stop.
I love you.
I'm not gonna go anywhere.
Maybe this whole this whole idea is crazy.
Okay? When am I even gonna see you again? Can we not think about it tonight and just be right here? You and me.
Okay.
So, has it has it always been just you and your mom? Yeah, you know, but I've always wanted a cool older sister.
You know, the kind that introduces you to new music, or sneaks you into concerts, or hooks you up with a fake I.
D.
Fake I.
D.
? - So you could vote? - Obviously.
- Okay, serious question now.
- Mm-hmm.
Would you rather lose your hand, or have to wear a parrot on your shoulder for the rest of your life? - Hand.
- Really? - For sure, yeah.
- No, I-I'd go parrot.
I knew I was sick the second time when I heard my dad crying in the next room.
I felt so bad for him.
What did you do? I made a bunch of noise before I walked in, so he could pull himself together.
If you had to pick a period of time to live in The renaissance, wild west, roaring '20s What would you choose? Right now.
Hey, Cole, have a drink.
Ah, no, I'm okay, thanks.
Take the drink, and listen to my words.
Roger asked Mack to go to Tuscany.
Roger told me he was over her.
He's a liar! Put on a tool belt, and take your shirt off! Is there something around here you want me to break for you to fix, huh? You want me to smash this chair? Look, I will break this chair right now.
- Just say the word.
- Whoa, whoa.
- Say the word, and I - Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Someone is ready for bed.
- Good night, Cole.
- Oh, I-I apologize.
That's okay.
Now, hear me out.
Instead of shuttles from the airport Dog sleds.
Ridgefield, Alaska.
Boom! No good? You're right.
Peta would be all over us.
- Ohh! - I know about Tuscany! Oh.
Bunny! - Uhh! - Hold on, hold on! You're a dick! You know that? I wanted this! I wanted Alaska.
What happened to "brothers before others"? Well, I'm sorry.
We were laughing and making fun of a little kid.
I got carried away in the moment.
You would have done the same.
No, I wouldn't.
Oh, of course not! 'Cause you're Saint Cole! Patron Saint of cleaning toilets and giving up! You know what? Good luck in Alaska.
- Come back here.
- I quit! Well, you can't quit, because I'm firing you! - You're fired, Cole! - I quit! Get up.
Ii can explain this.
Hey! What did I say? What did I say! - Hey! - You're just like your mother! Don't talk to her like that! Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
Marina - Aah! - Stop! Stop! - Aah! - Stop! Stop spraying that! That boy assaulted me.
- She's lying! - She's completely insane! Okay, guys, can I please speak to Jeanette alone? This isn't right.
Marina didn't do anything wrong.
Kip let me handle it, please.
Please, sit down.
Look I know you haven't seen Marina for a long time, but she's a truly wonderful girl.
I wanted you to hear that in case you have another opinion.
I thank you for your input.
We'll be leaving tonight.
That's so cute.
Hey, guys! I just realized, you're that Robbie.
Wow, Sarah, he's really hot.
How could you have cheated on him? Shut up, Kendra.
I'm just saying, I wouldn't have.
I can't believe he forgave you! You must have him wrapped around your finger, I guess.
Anyway, good luck.
Hey, I'm sorry.
- You okay? - Yeah, I just didn't realize everyone at the whole lake knew about it.
Swimmers, take your marks! Come on, Robbie.
- Go, go, go! - Go, Robbie! - Come on, you're next! - Okay, okay! Goggles! Okay, go, go, go! Good, Kathleen! Awesome! Go, Robbie! Yeah, Robbie! Hey, did you use my towel? Oh, yeah, here.
Sorry, use mine.
I don't want to use your towel.
What? You're mad because I used your towel? I'm just saying, don't use it.
- Todd! Go! - They're fighting! Tell me what happens! Don't use your towel, that's all you're saying? Yeah.
What are you laughing at? Totally not laughing.
Come on, you can do it! You did it! Yeah! You lost! Congratulations.
You won.
- You're still mad at me.
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are.
- No, I'm not! See? I'm totally fine.
Hey, Buzz! Come cheer for me.
I don't really feel like it.
Sorry.
Buzz Granger! You are the most selfish, myopic, infuriating boy I've ever met! I am going through something! Do you still have your arms and legs? Are you in Iraq being chased down by a drone? You live in a postcard, and there is a cute, high-achieving girl who's doing her very best to be nice to you! We only have 24 hours left, and I'm trying to spend them with you, because for reasons that I don't fully understand, I like you! Like, like like you.
Now give me a kiss for luck.
God! Do I have to do everything? All right, now for the event that epitomizes all things American It's a hot dog eating contest! Boo! Introducing your reigning champion, from Ridgefield.
Give it up for olaf "the ogre" Pittman.
And his challenger, from Camp Little Otter Grace Fife.
Each contestant has 20 hot dogs.
They will have exactly What's happening? Grace kissed me, and now she's in the hot dog eating contest.
What about you? Oh, Marina's mom is going to jail, and I'll probably never see her again.
But, uh, good job with Grace, man.
Thanks.
Bummer about Marina.
All right, let's count them in together.
All: On your marks, get set, eat! Ah, that's disgusting.
She's beautiful.
Did I miss anything? Only the greatest thing our daughter's ever done! If Grace wins this, Little Otter will tie with Ridgefield.
We have a chance to win it all.
We? What about Ridgefield? - Come on, Grace! - Oh, yeah.
Alaska is not gonna work out.
I don't really want to talk about it.
- Okay.
- Come on, Grace! And Little Otter has a decisive lead over Richfield.
You really think we have a chance of winning? - Yeah.
- Come on, Grace! Go, Grace! Murder that dog! It's too late, they've already been murdered! With only five seconds left on the clock, five, four, three, two, one.
Your winner, Grace, from Little Otter! Yeah! - Yeah! - Yes! It's okay.
It's okay.
- We did it! - We did it! Whoo! Yes! Yes! Whoo! Yeah, Grace! Suck it, Ridgefield! In your face! Ooh, sorry.
You see that? I didn't have to do anything.
He's my bitch.
I'm not your bitch, and I'm not afraid of you.
You know what? I'll see you in the eliminator.
- How about that? - Oh, no.
What am I gonna do? Oh, wait.
Kick your ass! What did I just do? And so, ladies and gentlemen, our final event The eliminator.
Representing Ridgefield, it's Ryan Fager! Boo! Boo! And, for Little Otter, it's - No.
No.
No, wait.
- It was his idea.
Roger, he doesn't know what he's doing.
- Mack - Take him off! Let him do this.
He'll be fine.
And representing Little Otter in the eliminator Is Buzz Granger! Can someone explain the eliminator to me? How bad are we talking? They pick three random events.
Usually it's athletic stuff, rope climb, shot put, hurdles.
- So it's pretty bad.
- Yeah.
First event of the eliminator is - Dizzy bat.
- Dizzy what? One of our most dangerous events.
Did he just say, "dizzy bat"? - I'm the best at dizzy bat.
- Second event is Teacup balance, one of my personal favorites.
- Teacup balance.
- No way.
I've been doing the teacup balance since I was a kid.
Third event is The one-legged hop! One legged hop? My preferred method of standing.
And in keeping with tradition, our final event of the eliminator will be a one-mile sprint through the woods.
Best of luck to both our competitors! - All: Otter! Otter! Otter! - Buzz That's three events in your favor.
You could have a huge lead.
Take your marks! Runners, set! And they're off! Oh! Roger! First event is the dizzy bat.
- Go, Buzz! - Go, Buzz! Oh, down goes Ryan.
Next, Buzz has to balance the teacup stack as he's making his way through a difficult obstacle course.
Whoa! - Buzz! - And look at Buzz go! He's so Graceful.
Come on, Buzz! Come on! Run, Buzz! Back with Ryan he sure is in terrible teacup trouble.
Go, Little Otter! And with no trouble at all, Buzz completes the third event, and now all that's left between Buzz and Little Otter victory is a one-mile run through the woods.
Here comes Ryan.
Trouble again As Ryan is now coming on strong.
I hope your mom gets all excited again! It was kind of hot.
Maybe I'll hit that when Roger's done.
Unh! Get off me! Get off me! Say one more thing about my mom! She she she has huge boobs! Buzz should be back by now.
Sheila, something's gone wrong.
- We should go look.
- Just-just wait, just wait.
It's him.
It's Buzz.
- Go, Buzz! - Go, Buzz! Come on, buddy! - You can do it, man! - Come on, Buzz! - Come on! - Go, Buzz, go! Come on, Buzz, you got this! Buzz, babe, congratulations.
- Way to go! - You're fired, Ryan.
Congratulations.
That son of yours sure can stack a teacup.
Mm, every time I'm about to write you off, you do something wonderful.
Well, I can't help it.
It's what I do.
So how about we put Tuscany back on the table? Whoo! Come on.
Yeah! All: Otter! Otter! Otter! Otter! Otter! Otter! Whoo! So, last night of camp.
- Nothing's gonna happen, Buzz.
- Of course not.
I didn't think anything would happen.
Definitely not of a sexual nature, no way! You're so dumb.
Why do I even like you? Want to grab some sparklers and make up a dance? That's why I like you.
Wwwait, he puts Tuscany back on the table, and you throw it in his perfectly symmetrical face? Well, I didn't throw anything.
Why did you say no? Oh, my God.
What changed your mind? He's a great guy.
I just wouldn't let myself see it.
I'm deferring law school.
What? For how long? I don't know.
This summer turned out a lot different than I planned.
Maybe that's the problem.
I plan too much.
I want to see the world.
That's exactly how I felt at the beginning of summer.
Then I blew everything up.
You gonna be mad at me forever? I hope not.
- Hey, there you are.
- Oh.
I thought you were gonna miss the fireworks.
Cole, I The most amazing thing happened.
Roger came and groveled at my feet.
I mean, he literally told me that he needed me, in that weird accent.
I'm going to Alaska after all.
For the first time in a long time, I have a real plan.
No more distractions, and none of that would be true if it weren't for you so thanks.
Cole.
I'm so happy for you.
I'm not gonna say it again.
Get in the car.
I just want to say good-bye to Mack.
You're trying to see that boy.
Get in the car! No, I'm gonna say good I got it.
What the hell was that? Wait, wait, wait, wait! Here we go.
Three, two, one, whoo! Oh, I'm gonna miss you! Three, four, fi - Where's Clemmy? - He's in the car.
- Where's your dad? - In the car.
Later.
- Come on, hop in.
- Bye.
Hey, guys.
Ohh uhh! Thank you.
We had a great time.
- Are you my girlfriend? - Buzz, stop over-thinking it.
Oh, I suddenly have the urge to hurt Buzz.
Relax, he's the perfect starter boyfriend, and we're about to separate their genitals by almost 1,000 Miles.
Yes, I'm your girlfriend.
You sure you want to do this? It's a pretty big deal.
Absolutely.
Dave, stay off the horn! I'm gonna miss you, honey.
I wish summer was starting now.
It'll be here before you know it.
Okay.
Okay, so, full disclosure.
You might get a little bored living at our house.
Back home, we're pretty drama-free.
Not like at camp.
Every day is kind of the same thing.
Come on, Buzz.
We're fun! It sounds perfect.
Can I Guys, I am a person and I am here.
Okay, long trip ahead of us.
Little end of the year soundtrack.
- Right? - Buzz, it's too loud! - Have a good year, man.
- You too, brother.
- I'll keep an eye on her for you.
- Okay.
- See you, Mack.
- Counselor.
Buckle up, honey.
So how was it? Greatest summer of my life.