Celebrity Island with Bear Grylls (2016) s01e03 Episode Script
A Turkey Hunt
This programme contains strong language and adult humour In 21st-century Britain, we have it pretty easy.
But by their own admission, modern-day celebrities have it easier than most.
I love oxygen treatments.
I want to find out how these celebrities will cope when stripped of their luxury lifestyles Looks absolutely beautiful.
.
.
and left to fend for themselves in the wild.
It's the glamour of showbiz.
I've abandoned ten British celebrities on a remote desert island in the Pacific Tastes like piss.
Fish piss.
I have OCL - obsessive compulsive laziness.
.
.
marooned in just the clothes they stand up in and with a handful of basic tools.
I don't want to circumcise myself.
Oh, my God, Mark! Mark, please do it! Alone with four camera operators Hi, I'm Tom.
.
.
they will film everything themselves.
This is Josie Long.
I'm desperately trying not to flash my bum to you.
They'll only eat what they can hunt down I've got a fish.
Oh, my God.
.
.
and kill.
CROCODILE HISSES WOMAN SCREAMS Now I feel like an explorer.
Oh, thank you, Tom.
This is proper ridiculous.
And deprived of all of the creature comforts I haven't taken a shit since we've got here which is slightly concerning.
.
.
they take for granted Positivity, positivity, positivity.
.
.
will they have the determination This is going to hurt.
SHE SCREAMS .
.
and the strength We have no water.
We have no BLEEP water.
.
.
to survive? Don't move! SHE GROANS We are so, so BLEEP.
We've been out here for hours and hours.
HE SOBS SCREAMING As part of this year's Stand Up To Cancer campaign, ten celebrities have embarked on the toughest two weeks of their lives.
We're here! They're all taking part for free and donating their fees to the charity.
Unfortunately, my stepdad died because of cancer and he was taken far too young and it's always stick with me.
It's just such an unfair illness.
SHE GROANS Since I dropped them on the island a week ago Chop away, son.
.
.
the group's efforts to find food WOMAN SCREAMS .
.
have all ended in failure.
I had my hands on one.
The bad news is it got away.
Pushed to the edge, two of the islanders have quit.
Toughest thing I've ever done, hands down.
With the group at breaking point, leader Dom came under fire SNORING For BLEEP's sake.
We need a leader that's going to dictate and give orders.
.
.
and was overthrown by hotel manager Mark.
You're gagging to be president.
You're missing the point.
If you want to be a leader, absolutely go ahead with it.
OK, I'll take it on tomorrow morning.
Great, we look forward to it.
I think Mark will be utterly BLEEP useless.
Guys, my feet stink.
Hair - it smells like a mixture of burning, mud and shit.
LAUGHTER My breath is on a whole other level.
Apart from all that though, Lydia, it's great, innit? Yeah.
So you're 50 kilos, which is 8st.
It's now more than a week since the islanders have eaten a proper meal.
Oh, my gosh, I've lost a stone.
SHE GASPS I didn't want to lose that.
I'm not using this as, like, a diet.
When I look around this camp, everybody is visibly thinner than they were when they arrived.
We've eaten nothing and the energy that we've expended is massive.
55 kilos.
You've lost over a stone and a half.
A stone and a half? He's very thin.
I am really worried about that.
God, if my mum finds out, she'll go nuts.
Since they arrived, the group have shed nearly 20st between them.
I'm actually considering leaving cos I don't think this is good for me.
After more than a week of starvation, the group are in a spiralling downward cycle of bad morale.
Lack of food, lack of energy, a lack of enthusiasm - a killer combination.
Now, more than ever, they need a leader - someone who can lift their spirits and motivate them to find the food that they desperately need.
Hopefully today will be the day when I finally get something to eat.
Having ousted Dom as president yesterday OK, shall we have this quick meeting then? Yeah, brilliant.
.
.
the responsibility now lies with Mark to get the group out of trouble.
I really hope that he takes over and makes everything amazing.
Lord Of The Flies, innit? Yeah.
But, you know, I would also quite like a house in Malibu - neither of these are going to happen so Bottom line is I don't think, between us, we are spending enough hours per day producing food.
Nobody has had a meal since the day we got here.
We are really struggling.
I agree with you, Mark, food is a priority.
That's critical.
There is no doubt there is a large animal rustling around on the island so we need to go and investigate and see if that animal, whether it be a turkey or whatever it is, is there again because that would be the lottery win of food sources.
Yeah.
So who's for game hunting? I'm up for game hunting.
Yeah, I think that sounds good.
We'll give it our all cause we all want something to eat, don't we? Yep.
We definitely do.
I do.
Let's do it.
Hooray! Thank you for your support.
You're welcome.
I think today will be a really positive day for Mark, for his leadership.
Go, Mark.
Right, let's get cracking.
Looking forward to going home or would you rather stay? ALL: Stay.
Oh, that's Well, you can't, we're full.
I'm Mark Jenkins and, really, I'm well-known for being in the series, The Hotel.
I'm manager Mark.
I know it sounds daft but it isn't.
I think I am a natural leader.
'I'm no good with a boss.
' You can't say things like that.
Yes, I can, I can say what I like.
In my experience, the only one that can do it properly is me.
I mean, when I was in the hotel business, I always said if I could clone myself, I would just do everything and get rid of all the staff.
Ouch.
If I was a turkey, I'd be very afraid.
In his first act as leader, Mark has ordered the entire group to join him on a mass turkey hunt.
I'm here, I'm queer, and I have a spear.
Armed with home-made weapons Every time I see an arse, I want to spear it.
It just looks like meat.
Good luck.
Hi, Dawn.
Keep the camp safe.
Oh, we will.
Only Dr Dawn and Lydia will stay behind to keep the fire going and fetch water.
We'll have some turkey later.
I'm so excited.
Right, come on, let's go, let's get this bloody turkey.
Can we just take it steady? It's not a race.
CLATTER THEY GASP Oh, fuck! Zoe, what happened, darling? I think she tripped over this log here.
Oh.
Zoe, did you faint or did you trip? I'm fine.
I'm just worried though.
You're so thin and you're so exhausted.
You're like a little skeleton.
Zoe, I just don't think you should go.
I mean you're bloody wasting away, it's ridiculous.
Well, I think I should still come anyway.
OK.
We'll take it slowly.
Promise if you're feeling dizzy Drink as much as you can.
'This is just so extreme because of the food factor.
' It's just slowing me down so much.
The only thing that's going fast is my heart rate, I feel my heart literally just pounding.
Failure is not an option.
Not today.
As the celebrities are discovering, living off the land is no easy feat.
I've ensured that the island has enough water, vegetation and indigenous animals to keep them alive.
But if they don't have the ingenuity to find it, catch it and kill it, eventually, they're going to starve.
Right, break, I'm knackered.
THEY LAUGH Quiet a sec.
There was something moving out there.
Sh! BRANCH SNAPS Something heavy was moving.
Did you hear it? Is that someone or is that a turkey? It's Mark.
Oh, for fuck's sake! MARK: Hello? Having found nothing in the vicinity of camp Come on, let's go.
Let's all pretend we're not completely knackered.
.
.
Mark's leading the party into uncharted territory on the island's north coast.
Fuck! But three hours in, they still haven't seen a single turkey.
Is that the sea? Yeah.
This is the other side of the island.
Jesus Christ! It's a white sandy beach and there's a bar! Sorry, no bar.
The group haven't found food but after more than a week on the island, they have finally discovered its finest paradise beach.
It's like a postcard, isn't it? It's unbelievable.
This could have been camp.
Wow! Ahhh! It's so lovely! They are all excited, they've seen this sandy beach.
I'd be more excited if we saw a turkey, you know? That's what I want.
We're not here for a beach holiday, we're here to survive and eat food.
That would be much more impressive for me.
Right, shall we get in? I'm so excited.
Against Mark's wishes, the group decides to take an unscheduled break.
Oh, the colour of that water is so beautiful.
It's fabulous, it's wonderful.
It's literally what we wanted from day one instead of just, like, the odd Bognor Regis bay.
All right, here we go.
Here we go.
Unbelievable.
What's that you've drawn there, Mark? It's the word "turkey" with a heart in it.
I would rather have found a turkey than a beach.
It's glorious sand, it's very idyllic, but you can't eat it.
Mark, why didn't you come into the water? I wouldn't have come here, I'd have carried on looking for a bloody turkey, that's what I'm in a bad mood about.
Awww! No, don't be in a bad mood.
I think it's really important to boost team morale if and when you can and I think this was a perfect opportunity I wasn't miserable, I was ready to keep going looking for the bloody turkey.
Yeah, but you aren't the only person here.
We were.
Well, that's where it's going wrong cos everybody Of course it is.
If you were here on your own, it would all be fine.
Well, I wouldn't give up so quickly.
We haven't given up.
We've walked to the end, there have been no turkeys, we get to a beach, we're hardly not going to fucking swim in the beach and then we go back - it's very simple.
What normal person would walk all the way there, and not cool down in that beach? Me, obviously.
Yeah, well, I did say normal.
MARK CHUCKLES In wilderness situations, when everything is on the line, you really see what matters in a leader and if you can inspire your troops and command their respect, they will follow you into the fire, but crush their morale and they won't listen to you, even if what you're saying could save their lives.
I'm just more hungry than anybody else, that's the problem.
I'm pretty hungry too.
I'll leave this somewhere else.
Fucking twat, he really is.
It's like, fuck off, we just walked all the way through the jungle, we're looking for turkeys, we didn't find any, we've come to a beautiful beach - big fucking deal, we're going to have a swim while he sulks like some fucking turd on a beach.
Look at that, "I love turkeys".
Ooh, that makes a point.
That's a waste of man hours.
Are you exhausted? Fucking hell, it was insane.
Didn't see a turkey all day.
Really? Two hours later, much to Mark's annoyance, the hunting party returns to camp empty-handed.
You look shattered.
Come on in.
Come and get some water.
It was so hot.
The group are facing yet another night without food.
SHE GROANS We're all starving, we're We're all wishy-washy, we're not focused.
And following the afternoon's impromptu swim, Mark puts the blame firmly on the others.
Everyone has to do what they have to do, they don't always get to choose what they want to do.
It's not that type of island - it's a group discussion and we all decide what we are going to do.
No, it isn't.
It is.
Not today, it isn't.
I'm president.
You don't speak like that in leadership, you know, it's not the way to do it.
My God.
I think he's just a bit power-mad and I don't think he understands what ruling actually entails.
It's not about being a boss, it's about steering a group.
You're supposed to lead by example.
I said power was going to go to his head, I knew it would.
All I know is we're not winning, we're losing.
Well, do you know what? Put your money where your mouth is.
I will streak around the island naked if we've all got a full meal tomorrow.
I'm Seriously, Mark, prove me wrong.
I can't wait.
She's going to strip off and run round the island if she has a decent plate of food.
I'll be honest, that almost puts me off catching the turkey.
Oh! Oh, my God! Covered in bites.
The group are entering their ninth day without a proper meal.
Fucking sandflies! But leader Mark's plans to get everybody out hunting again have suffered a new setback.
Fucking sandflies can suck my dick.
Overnight, the islanders have suffered a savage insect attack.
I can't stop scratching them.
Scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch.
These fucking sandflies.
I can tell you, they're the vilest, worst part of this island.
My bites are all over my hands.
Here.
Oh, my God.
I've got sores from sleeping and from bites all blended into one.
Holy moley, you have been mullered.
They're horrific.
SHE GASPS Oh, my God, Karen! It's horrible, isn't it? With so many of the group suffering the effects of the bites, Dr Dawn is holding an emergency clinic.
Do you need to look at all my scratches? Cos I feel like I'm turning into a big leopard.
Selfie Queen Karen is the worst afflicted.
The pain is off the scale.
The middle of your back is completely clear and the rest of you is covered.
Yeah.
They are horrid.
'I think she thinks she's Lara Croft or something and she's desperate' to just wear her bikini top the whole time.
You know, she's covered in bites.
Although, in fairness, she's the only one getting a decent tan.
If they're really painful, we can give you a painkiller at night, all right? Thank you.
The thing that most people hate in a survival situation is often not the heat, or the thirst or the hunger, it's the little things - like the sandflies.
Those bites itch like hell.
They're about ten times worse than a mosquito bite.
If you're not sleeping raised up off the ground, you're going to be sharing your bed with a lot of them.
Shall we have this meeting then? After wasted morning, Mark is anxious to get his plans back on track and get the group out looking for food as soon as possible.
Who's fishing and who's big game hunting? I have to get a bed off the floor today.
Yeah.
I'm being eaten alive.
I think being on the floor, you itch more.
Beds will be made today.
I think the reality is, if we don't get food and energy inside us, we won't last to sleep on a bed.
Yeah, but I've got energy I'm trying to prioritise.
You don't need to raise your voice, Mark.
OK.
Right.
I'm the ex-wife of the MP Simon Danczuk and the tabloids know me as the selfie queen.
I love politics.
I literally eat, breathe and sleep politics.
I can do my professional job as a councillor.
I know the answer to a problem and just used to letting everyone else exhaust every opinion and then I'll say, we could do it this way.
Then I'll lead it.
It's just amazing.
No, I'm making beds.
We all want a bed.
I want a bed.
Dom wants a bed.
Two people have left, they've left because of the lack of food.
So I propose, forget bed-making.
No.
Well, that's ridiculous, I think you're daft.
It's not about me, I want to make beds for everybody.
We all want a bed.
Irrespective of whether we've got bamboo beds, we must get water and we must get firewood today.
Critical.
Facing opposition from the group, Mark is forced to compromise his hunting plans and allow a small party to stay behind.
So we need camp for firewood, water and if those people then want to spend the free time having a go at beds, fine.
I think you'll be wasted making beds.
In a survival situation you're often faced with conflicting priorities.
That's never easy for a leader but one thing is certain, if you try and push your ideas through by force of will, rather than respect and understanding, it's only a matter of time before people will challenge your authority.
I've been in politics since I was 18.
He leads but he still needs the backing of all of his cabinet behind him.
Jesus Christ, I'll end up throttling him.
We are the DIY queens.
Karen has recruited Lydia and Josie to help make the beds.
We're taking all our anger out, using a machete and a log.
So who is it? This is my ex-boyfriend from when I was 19.
Fuck you! Remember what he did to you, Josie.
When I had my hotels, it was always the women who made the beds.
But did they build the beds, Mark? No, no, no.
You arsehole! It's only cos they're talking about men.
That's the only reason.
We're talking about our The only reason they've done such fabulous job and got so much energy from nowhere is they're talking about Don't say it's men.
It's men.
It's our anger.
It's your hatred for certain men.
He's taken the fun out of everything.
Mark did? It was only a joke, you know, because you're shouting "men are bastards" as you're hitting it.
Oh, get fucked.
With three of the celebrities opting out of Mark's hunting trip.
Come on, let's go.
.
.
he's relying on the others to make up the numbers.
Let's get this bloody turkey.
But before they can leave, Zoe asks to see Dr Dawn.
How are you doing? I can feel, day by day, even though it's only been a couple of days, I can just feel the burning.
You've got an infection.
Our hygiene is not the best, is it here? You're run down and you're dehydrated.
Poor Zoe, her body is so hungry and starving that her immune system is weak, so she's got like a problem downstairs.
Basically, her fanny's starving.
In a nutshell.
Ah It's so unfortunate that I've picked up this infection.
I'm not going to go against doctor's orders so I'm going to stay here at camp.
Let's go.
Good luck, guys.
Bring us home some dinner.
Due to lack of numbers, Mark is forced to downscale his hunting plans to a simple fishing trip with Ollie and Dom.
What could go wrong? We could fall down the cliff and break our necks.
That's the most likely thing.
Fuck's sake.
Ow! You all right? Yeah, wonderful(!) I knew I was going to fall because it's just so slippy and I'm so knackered.
We'll catch fish here now.
The three of us, we'll catch fish.
I'm convinced.
Their mentality aggravates me and that's why I am the outsider.
Not because I don't like them.
If I met them all in a different environment, they're all quite nice ish.
Oh, this is probably the most comfortable seat I've found.
Yeah.
My happiness is what I'll do later, go sit over there and go and have a poo.
Yeah, the old poo and a naked swim.
Yeah.
It's absolutely my happy place.
I think they're used to a celebrity lifestyle whereas for me, I've always had to get up and get whatever I wanted.
You know, nobody has ever handed me anything.
Like dinner or turkeys.
Dawn, come here, you've got to try this.
Back in camp, Karen and the girls have finished building their first raised bed.
I'm going to break it.
It feels like you are but you aren't.
Ohhh! It's good, right? How's that, Lydia? Oh, my God! It's not quite my memory foam mattress that I've got at home but we finally made a bed! CRACK Ohhhh! Oh! Fucking disaster.
Come on.
There are no fish in this ocean.
I don't think there are any fucking fish here, sorry, guys.
We actually have no food tonight.
No, nothing.
Oh, there is a fish, right there.
On my line.
There he is, go for it.
Come on.
Come on.
He's right there.
Got him! I've got one.
Guys! Oh, my God, look! Quickly, quickly.
That's a serious fucking fish.
That would feed the entire camp.
It's dinner.
Wait, wait, wait! All right, I need a knife.
Woohoo! Yay! Oh, my God, it's a puffer fish.
Is it? Yeah.
Be careful.
Fuck me.
Fucking disaster.
While a delicacy in Japan, the puffer fish contains one of the deadliest toxins known to man.
Eating it without expert knowledge would be suicide.
The only fish we've caught.
The only potential food we have is one of the most poisonous fish in the sea.
Can we put it back? I think we have to.
I don't like fishing.
This island really does have the most extraordinary way of shitting on you.
It's the island of the damned.
It is, it's absolutely awful.
Exhausted and dispirited, leader Mark heads back to camp to see how the others have fared with the daily chores.
Unbelievable.
There isn't a scrap of firewood been done.
There isn't any sign that anything has happened there at all.
It seems to me people have given up for the day.
They're just laying down and that's it.
Karen, was there a reason why we didn't get any firewood? We got firewood, we just burnt it all.
Yeah, we had a lot of firewood.
But there isn't any for tonight.
I don't like the way you're speaking to me, Mark.
I think you are just assuming she's been lazy, which is not helpful.
He's got a real problem with me, that man.
You know what it is, it's women in power.
He's so sexist.
He really does my head in.
Not many people do my head in.
He's come in like a Chihuahua just attacking.
That's, to me, that's just all the ingredients of a very insecure man.
The fact I've come back and there's no firewood, I just give up with her to be quite honest.
I think she's lazy and she's all mouth.
Typical politician, really.
All mouth, no action.
That's Karen.
I've met many people like him over the years in politics and trust me, they don't last long.
They really don't.
For God's sake! Just hurry up! Having fallen behind with their vital daily chores yesterday, Mark has insisted the group spend the morning collecting water and firewood.
Come on! Oh, my fucking God! Why are you putting me through this? I am feeling really tired.
It's midday before the job is finished.
Thank fuck! COUGHING Are you feeling woozy? Yeah.
It's because my blood pressure's probably in my boots without them standing up and there's no blood getting to my head.
Oh, dizzy.
I just stood up and thought I was going to faint, which was really frightening.
It's just like an endurance test now.
Can I starve myself, you know, or keep it off till we go? Having barely eaten since they arrived, the celebrities are now in a desperate situation.
People are just broken.
It's just like watching zombies.
The average person probably consumes about 2,000 calories a day, but the reality of the survival situation - you're working hard, you're hunting, you're building shelters, chopping wood - you can easily burn in excess of 4,000 calories.
And replacing this lost energy becomes a massive struggle for the survivor.
I just need some food.
All the group have to eat are slithers of coconut.
It's lunchtime.
I'm eating this.
We're completely starved.
We haven't eaten in days, apart from the odd bit of coconut meat.
Wait.
That is the end of lunch.
I'm so hungry.
Things are at a pretty much all-time low.
Everyone is just wiped.
Despite the growing crisis in camp Oh, God! This is taking forever! .
.
leader Mark is sinking all his energy into a new invention.
What's happening here? This is my turkey catcher.
That looks like it'll work.
But are you sure that's the most efficient method of catching a turkey? It's not a well known hunting method.
In fact, I think I've seen it on a cartoon once.
I sneak up on him .
.
and once I've got him, then I pull this and Hang on.
He's wasting his time with his silly inventions .
.
that just help no-one.
HE WHISTLES Mid-afternoon, Mark's taken himself off into the jungle Gobble, gobble, gobble.
.
.
without leaving any instructions for the others.
Is our dear leader turkey hunting at the moment? Yeah, sat in a bush.
Sat in a bush? Waiting for a turkey to walk past.
He's just absolutely crackers.
Wasn't like it under my leadership? I remember those days.
Ah, the halcyon days.
We all had jobs.
The island was happy.
If you come on an island with a team of people, you've got to be in a team, haven't you? You can't just segregate yourself.
There's no "I" in team, is there? He's no idea what he's doing.
I'm in a no-win situation.
If I say, "Come on, let's go," nobody's going to take any notice of me.
And if I just go off on my own, they just think I'm a miserable sod, and I'm not really a miserable sod.
I just want something to eat! I think we're going to have to admit defeat, unfortunately.
Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.
Basically, when you're at the top, the only way is down.
That's island politics for you.
With Mark's leadership failing to deliver, Karen wants to take action.
Actually, it's made me realise I want to be president.
I know now that I'm literally Well, I've known, really, from the word go, I've always been one of the strongest members in the group.
And do you know what? Whatever I put my mind to, I usually achieve.
Who wants to begin? As yet another days ends without food, Karen calls the group together to confront Mark.
Can I say something? I think there wasn't really any leadership today and I just think maybe we need a bit more leadership and maybe that person really has to think about the group.
Yeah.
Yeah, I agree with what you're saying.
Does everyone want Mark to stay leader for another day, to give him another chance, or? Why don't we have some sort of a vote and see if anyone wants to be the leader? Yeah, let's do that.
I'd really like to nominate Karen.
You'd be an amazing leader.
I'd second that.
Yeah, I'll definitely be it tomorrow.
Good for you.
Good girl.
Thank you.
Ball buster Karen.
Well, that was an interesting end to the day.
My day as leader is over.
The fact that Karen is the president, I don't care cos I'm not going to take any notice of what she says to me anyway.
QUACKING Did you hear that? QUACKING Oh, my fucking God! I cannot believe our luck.
The following morning, the group are woken by a visitor in their midst.
It's a fucking turkey! Mm! Dinner! Can you believe that's just walked in to our? No, I can't.
That's insane.
It's the world's dumbest turkey.
He's just walked into a very bad place.
Mark, a turkey just walked into camp.
It's here? Still alive? Yeah, it's right there.
With a proper meal now tantalisingly close, the celebrities hastily come up with a plan.
How do we get him? You've got to circle it.
None of you move.
Wait till Lyd goes up.
OK.
And you, yeah.
Get round behind it, Lyd! I'll grab it! Oh, you fucking! Oh, no! Can you see him, Zoe? I think it's gone beyond this.
Honestly, it's just getting embarrassing.
Better luck next time.
Determined to chase down the escaped turkey Let's do it, come on.
.
.
new leader Karen mobilises a hunting party to head into the jungle.
As long as it doesn't end up on a beach, cos I'm only interested in looking for food, not having a jolly.
I'll make a decision.
I think it's best you don't come on this trek today.
Why? I think we've got a really good team and And I'm not part of it, obviously.
I'm not saying that.
So, I'm the only one that's being told I can't do something.
That's interesting.
Stop putting words in my mouth, please.
No, go on, then.
I want it to be a very positive experience and I don't want that negativity.
I want just a focused, positive attitude about this whole trek.
Mark and Karen have been at it again.
Them two haven't stopped arguing, really.
I wouldn't mind him coming, but you know when you've got someone saying, "I will come, but I don't "want to do da-da-da-da-da," you just know it's not going to be a positive ending, so I think it's best that he just stays clear.
It's breakdown day.
Everything's got very fractious in camp.
We might have to do some sort of relationship counselling.
I am highly insulted that she thinks I'm not capable of going on the hunt.
Is that what you think she thinks? Yes.
Yes, and I'm really annoyed about that.
So, if she decides I'm not in the turkey hunt, then we might have a problem.
But it'll be interesting cos I'm going on the turkey hunt, whether she says it or not.
Mentally, it is going to be a tough day today.
The only think we've got keeping us going is positivity.
Having sighted a turkey earlier in the day, the group's new leader, Karen, is mobilising a hunting party.
But Mark's not invited.
He's going to be negative the whole way there.
We are running on empty, we don't want any tension or anything.
Who is going on this trek? Right, so it is me, Lydia and Dawn.
I think Mark should go.
With the group in such dire straits, Dom thinks Karen is making a mistake.
She's tried to stop Mark from going on the trek because they've got personal differences, which is crazy because Mark, the one thing he does do, is he just goes and goes and goes and tries and tries and tries.
Mark should go.
I don't want to fall out with you.
No, please, stop guys, both of you.
Be quiet.
No, don't tell him to be quiet.
I want it as much as, if not more, than you.
Gosh, they are just all arguing.
We are all adults, we should be able to get over our differences and work together.
The thing is, if we see one, I will dive into the undergrowth and not stop until I've caught it.
Karen, you've got to rise above personal stuff.
He's much better I'm not about the personal stuff.
You are.
Let's just get the best people out to trek.
Mark is really good at trekking, he doesn't give up and let's just send him out there.
Right.
Are we good to go? Yeah.
Let's do it.
It really doesn't take much from groups to split apart.
It is often small differences that make great chasms and I have seen this many times before in teams when they break apart and they are always less effective.
Don't forget to look side to side as we walk.
Hopefully we are heading in the right direction.
The hunting party have been trekking through tropical heat for two hours The most important thing is once we spot them, we can't let them out of our sight.
Yeah.
.
.
with no sign of a turkey.
Shall we rest here for a minute, do you think? Yeah, I'll stop for a sec.
Could be anywhere.
Absolutely anywhere.
SQUAWKING Ssh.
Oh, my God, I can see it, I can see it.
There are two, I can see them both.
If they can capture both birds, the group will get its first proper meal in over a week.
Listen, we need to surround him.
If one person goes for him, he will run the opposite direction and we will lose him.
But as they have learnt from bitter experience, the turkeys are not an easy catch.
Walk towards me slowly.
A tiny bit.
Guys, what do I do, because I am freaking out.
It is all right.
Just stay there.
I can't do it.
Mark, can you come and get this one? It's all right, just stand still.
Don't frighten him any further.
It's all right, I'm stuck on this fucking vine! I don't know how to catch it.
SQUAWKING Got it.
I can't do it, I'm so sorry, guys.
I can't do it.
One down, one to go.
Fucking useless.
I'd make a useless farmer, wouldn't I? Hello.
Right, you are so close, grab it, Mark.
Good boy.
Yes.
Can somebody pass me a stick, please? Oh, my God.
I can't look, I'm sorry.
Has he done it? He's done it.
We've got our Sunday dinner.
Turkey.
Hurray.
It is absolutely fantastic.
High-five, everyone.
Good work.
We caught turkeys! Oh, my God, it's such a buzz.
I'm so glad that Mark came on our trek and I think it has reunited Karen and Mark's spark.
They have got something in common, they are both hunters.
They have both successfully brought dinner back to the camp.
How much energy have we now got walking back? I know.
Oh, my God, so much.
I am quite happy for a change.
You won't believe what has happened.
What is it? Is everybody OK? We caught turkeys! ALL CHEER Oh, my God.
Two.
Two turkeys.
Look at him! I was not coming home without a turkey.
Can I declare that today be known as Christmas Day.
Come here you big, grumpy old fucker.
There was no way it was getting away.
I think that is great.
Hurrah for our brave hunters.
I am so proud of Karen, Mark and Lydia for bringing home the goods and what will be our very first proper, proper meal.
The battle for survival is invariably one in the mind and the rewards go to the persistent, the positive thinkers, the team players, the person who doesn't mind failing a few times and the person who can go through that and never gives up.
I just want to dance around naked.
I will admit when I might get things wrong and in this instance, I've probably got it wrong with Mark.
He has been a trooper, good effort.
And we now have a happy camp again.
See this, do you know what it is? A smile? Yes.
Joly is jolly.
Briefly.
I might go and lounge around on the beach for an hour.
OMG.
Oh, come on, what a waste of man hours(!) Is that cooked? Absolutely cooked.
It's their first proper meal in over a week, thousands of nutritious calories of protein and fat.
It was the juiciest, flavoursome turkey I have ever tasted in my life.
Look at that.
That's real food.
Real food.
Oh my God.
Is it good? What did you try? The liver? Turkey liver.
Absolutely incredible.
Just full of energy.
God, that is amazing.
Isn't that good? I just sat there for the last half an hour eating a knuckle.
My Pomeranian Chihuahua would have spent less time trying to gnaw it.
I feel like my energy level has gone - boop, boop, boop.
I feel happy, I feel content.
I feel like a beast.
Someone pass the bread sauce, please.
Oh, somebody has put flowers in the clinic.
Josie, is that you? Was what me? Flowers in the clinic.
Oh, I wish.
No, that must have been someone else.
Do we know who did that? I know who did it.
Who did it? It was Mark.
Was it? Mark is so sweet.
What a lovely thing to do.
Look at that.
Isn't that cute? It is so adorable.
It is so silly the things that get to you.
It took me straight back to when we left and Bear said the things that will help you survive are positivity, determination, cheerfulness and kindness.
And, you know, he is so right.
Mark? What? I'm trying to make your surgery a bit prettier.
It is so lovely.
I cried.
Oh, don't.
That wasn't the intention.
No, I cried happy tears.
That's all right then.
That is so lovely, thank you.
No, you are welcome, you deserve it.
Thank you.
Mark found a moment to be really kind and thoughtful and he is no less exhausted or hungry or tired or hot than the rest of us.
But he just did something really kind.
That means a lot.
I probably do get recognised every day.
But not all day every day.
Do you, Ollie? Every day of my life.
Do you like it, or not? Yeah.
But is it not annoying? No.
Fucking brilliant.
I get "hello" shouted at me four times a day.
Do you really? I love it, I love that someone knows me for something, but I just wish I'd done a better catchphrase than "hello", really.
It is only annoying when people come up to you in Sainsbury's when you're trying to do your shopping they start appearing in your shopping basket because they are nosy.
It's really funny, I go into a shop and a bloke will go And the girl will be like, "Huh?" And then he'll tug the girl And then he goes, "Hello".
Then she is still like, "No".
I can see him trying to get the Nokia tune on.
That happens so many times.
Ollie is leader today.
I hope I don't fuck up.
Next time My last attempt to make the camp smile.
That is minging.
This northern lass needs to pull something out of the bag.
Let's go.
I don't know where she gets her energy.
She's Red Bull in her boobs.
Oh, my God, a caiman tale.
It's moving.
We've got to go in without hesitation.
Caiman, caiman, caiman.
If you fight somebody where it's a close match-up, it is like physical chess.
You've got to out-think your opponent.
That physical one-on-one can't really be replicated.
When you get out there in front of a crowd, you catch somebody perfectly with a throw and you're winning the fight, there's not many feelings like that.
I was ranked number one on the British ranking list, I was Welsh champion and Commonwealth bronze medallist.
Now I know I will never compete again.
He took me into this small room and he said, "I've had "a look at the scans and I'm sorry this is the worst day of your life.
" He said, "You've got a brain tumour.
" And I just went into shock.
I just knew, it was weird.
But I think mothers know things, don't they? Being told at the age of 24 you probably won't see 30, that is a moment you never forget.
We were told it was inoperable and he was given a prognosis of three to five years.
It is depressing.
In all likelihood, you are going to die young.
You are not going to grow old, you're not going to have kids, you're not going to get married and have a house and all those things that you kind of expected you would do.
Jamie, he persevered, he carried on, he never quits you see, Jamie.
He is slowing down a little bit now, I must admit.
Before I was diagnosed, before I went into hospital, I was thinking of progression professionally.
I was thinking about saving a bit of money, maybe putting a deposit on a house.
Now it is all, what I want to do the moment, what would be a real shame if I didn't accomplish this before my prognosis runs up? I think the mentality of a judo player, that's the way I'm treating this battle.
You go down, you get up, you keep fighting.
You know with every judo fight, there's going to be an end and a winner and a loser.
I suppose you've kind of got that with cancer as well.
I might lose at the end, but I'm going to get a few big throws in along the way.
You think, why Jamie? He is so young.
It is pretty tough.
It is your worst nightmare.
Your worst nightmare.
One in two of us will get cancer in our lifetime.
Help us to change these odds.
To donate?10 text FIGHT to 70404 or to donate online go to 100% of the money you give will go directly funding vital research.
But by their own admission, modern-day celebrities have it easier than most.
I love oxygen treatments.
I want to find out how these celebrities will cope when stripped of their luxury lifestyles Looks absolutely beautiful.
.
.
and left to fend for themselves in the wild.
It's the glamour of showbiz.
I've abandoned ten British celebrities on a remote desert island in the Pacific Tastes like piss.
Fish piss.
I have OCL - obsessive compulsive laziness.
.
.
marooned in just the clothes they stand up in and with a handful of basic tools.
I don't want to circumcise myself.
Oh, my God, Mark! Mark, please do it! Alone with four camera operators Hi, I'm Tom.
.
.
they will film everything themselves.
This is Josie Long.
I'm desperately trying not to flash my bum to you.
They'll only eat what they can hunt down I've got a fish.
Oh, my God.
.
.
and kill.
CROCODILE HISSES WOMAN SCREAMS Now I feel like an explorer.
Oh, thank you, Tom.
This is proper ridiculous.
And deprived of all of the creature comforts I haven't taken a shit since we've got here which is slightly concerning.
.
.
they take for granted Positivity, positivity, positivity.
.
.
will they have the determination This is going to hurt.
SHE SCREAMS .
.
and the strength We have no water.
We have no BLEEP water.
.
.
to survive? Don't move! SHE GROANS We are so, so BLEEP.
We've been out here for hours and hours.
HE SOBS SCREAMING As part of this year's Stand Up To Cancer campaign, ten celebrities have embarked on the toughest two weeks of their lives.
We're here! They're all taking part for free and donating their fees to the charity.
Unfortunately, my stepdad died because of cancer and he was taken far too young and it's always stick with me.
It's just such an unfair illness.
SHE GROANS Since I dropped them on the island a week ago Chop away, son.
.
.
the group's efforts to find food WOMAN SCREAMS .
.
have all ended in failure.
I had my hands on one.
The bad news is it got away.
Pushed to the edge, two of the islanders have quit.
Toughest thing I've ever done, hands down.
With the group at breaking point, leader Dom came under fire SNORING For BLEEP's sake.
We need a leader that's going to dictate and give orders.
.
.
and was overthrown by hotel manager Mark.
You're gagging to be president.
You're missing the point.
If you want to be a leader, absolutely go ahead with it.
OK, I'll take it on tomorrow morning.
Great, we look forward to it.
I think Mark will be utterly BLEEP useless.
Guys, my feet stink.
Hair - it smells like a mixture of burning, mud and shit.
LAUGHTER My breath is on a whole other level.
Apart from all that though, Lydia, it's great, innit? Yeah.
So you're 50 kilos, which is 8st.
It's now more than a week since the islanders have eaten a proper meal.
Oh, my gosh, I've lost a stone.
SHE GASPS I didn't want to lose that.
I'm not using this as, like, a diet.
When I look around this camp, everybody is visibly thinner than they were when they arrived.
We've eaten nothing and the energy that we've expended is massive.
55 kilos.
You've lost over a stone and a half.
A stone and a half? He's very thin.
I am really worried about that.
God, if my mum finds out, she'll go nuts.
Since they arrived, the group have shed nearly 20st between them.
I'm actually considering leaving cos I don't think this is good for me.
After more than a week of starvation, the group are in a spiralling downward cycle of bad morale.
Lack of food, lack of energy, a lack of enthusiasm - a killer combination.
Now, more than ever, they need a leader - someone who can lift their spirits and motivate them to find the food that they desperately need.
Hopefully today will be the day when I finally get something to eat.
Having ousted Dom as president yesterday OK, shall we have this quick meeting then? Yeah, brilliant.
.
.
the responsibility now lies with Mark to get the group out of trouble.
I really hope that he takes over and makes everything amazing.
Lord Of The Flies, innit? Yeah.
But, you know, I would also quite like a house in Malibu - neither of these are going to happen so Bottom line is I don't think, between us, we are spending enough hours per day producing food.
Nobody has had a meal since the day we got here.
We are really struggling.
I agree with you, Mark, food is a priority.
That's critical.
There is no doubt there is a large animal rustling around on the island so we need to go and investigate and see if that animal, whether it be a turkey or whatever it is, is there again because that would be the lottery win of food sources.
Yeah.
So who's for game hunting? I'm up for game hunting.
Yeah, I think that sounds good.
We'll give it our all cause we all want something to eat, don't we? Yep.
We definitely do.
I do.
Let's do it.
Hooray! Thank you for your support.
You're welcome.
I think today will be a really positive day for Mark, for his leadership.
Go, Mark.
Right, let's get cracking.
Looking forward to going home or would you rather stay? ALL: Stay.
Oh, that's Well, you can't, we're full.
I'm Mark Jenkins and, really, I'm well-known for being in the series, The Hotel.
I'm manager Mark.
I know it sounds daft but it isn't.
I think I am a natural leader.
'I'm no good with a boss.
' You can't say things like that.
Yes, I can, I can say what I like.
In my experience, the only one that can do it properly is me.
I mean, when I was in the hotel business, I always said if I could clone myself, I would just do everything and get rid of all the staff.
Ouch.
If I was a turkey, I'd be very afraid.
In his first act as leader, Mark has ordered the entire group to join him on a mass turkey hunt.
I'm here, I'm queer, and I have a spear.
Armed with home-made weapons Every time I see an arse, I want to spear it.
It just looks like meat.
Good luck.
Hi, Dawn.
Keep the camp safe.
Oh, we will.
Only Dr Dawn and Lydia will stay behind to keep the fire going and fetch water.
We'll have some turkey later.
I'm so excited.
Right, come on, let's go, let's get this bloody turkey.
Can we just take it steady? It's not a race.
CLATTER THEY GASP Oh, fuck! Zoe, what happened, darling? I think she tripped over this log here.
Oh.
Zoe, did you faint or did you trip? I'm fine.
I'm just worried though.
You're so thin and you're so exhausted.
You're like a little skeleton.
Zoe, I just don't think you should go.
I mean you're bloody wasting away, it's ridiculous.
Well, I think I should still come anyway.
OK.
We'll take it slowly.
Promise if you're feeling dizzy Drink as much as you can.
'This is just so extreme because of the food factor.
' It's just slowing me down so much.
The only thing that's going fast is my heart rate, I feel my heart literally just pounding.
Failure is not an option.
Not today.
As the celebrities are discovering, living off the land is no easy feat.
I've ensured that the island has enough water, vegetation and indigenous animals to keep them alive.
But if they don't have the ingenuity to find it, catch it and kill it, eventually, they're going to starve.
Right, break, I'm knackered.
THEY LAUGH Quiet a sec.
There was something moving out there.
Sh! BRANCH SNAPS Something heavy was moving.
Did you hear it? Is that someone or is that a turkey? It's Mark.
Oh, for fuck's sake! MARK: Hello? Having found nothing in the vicinity of camp Come on, let's go.
Let's all pretend we're not completely knackered.
.
.
Mark's leading the party into uncharted territory on the island's north coast.
Fuck! But three hours in, they still haven't seen a single turkey.
Is that the sea? Yeah.
This is the other side of the island.
Jesus Christ! It's a white sandy beach and there's a bar! Sorry, no bar.
The group haven't found food but after more than a week on the island, they have finally discovered its finest paradise beach.
It's like a postcard, isn't it? It's unbelievable.
This could have been camp.
Wow! Ahhh! It's so lovely! They are all excited, they've seen this sandy beach.
I'd be more excited if we saw a turkey, you know? That's what I want.
We're not here for a beach holiday, we're here to survive and eat food.
That would be much more impressive for me.
Right, shall we get in? I'm so excited.
Against Mark's wishes, the group decides to take an unscheduled break.
Oh, the colour of that water is so beautiful.
It's fabulous, it's wonderful.
It's literally what we wanted from day one instead of just, like, the odd Bognor Regis bay.
All right, here we go.
Here we go.
Unbelievable.
What's that you've drawn there, Mark? It's the word "turkey" with a heart in it.
I would rather have found a turkey than a beach.
It's glorious sand, it's very idyllic, but you can't eat it.
Mark, why didn't you come into the water? I wouldn't have come here, I'd have carried on looking for a bloody turkey, that's what I'm in a bad mood about.
Awww! No, don't be in a bad mood.
I think it's really important to boost team morale if and when you can and I think this was a perfect opportunity I wasn't miserable, I was ready to keep going looking for the bloody turkey.
Yeah, but you aren't the only person here.
We were.
Well, that's where it's going wrong cos everybody Of course it is.
If you were here on your own, it would all be fine.
Well, I wouldn't give up so quickly.
We haven't given up.
We've walked to the end, there have been no turkeys, we get to a beach, we're hardly not going to fucking swim in the beach and then we go back - it's very simple.
What normal person would walk all the way there, and not cool down in that beach? Me, obviously.
Yeah, well, I did say normal.
MARK CHUCKLES In wilderness situations, when everything is on the line, you really see what matters in a leader and if you can inspire your troops and command their respect, they will follow you into the fire, but crush their morale and they won't listen to you, even if what you're saying could save their lives.
I'm just more hungry than anybody else, that's the problem.
I'm pretty hungry too.
I'll leave this somewhere else.
Fucking twat, he really is.
It's like, fuck off, we just walked all the way through the jungle, we're looking for turkeys, we didn't find any, we've come to a beautiful beach - big fucking deal, we're going to have a swim while he sulks like some fucking turd on a beach.
Look at that, "I love turkeys".
Ooh, that makes a point.
That's a waste of man hours.
Are you exhausted? Fucking hell, it was insane.
Didn't see a turkey all day.
Really? Two hours later, much to Mark's annoyance, the hunting party returns to camp empty-handed.
You look shattered.
Come on in.
Come and get some water.
It was so hot.
The group are facing yet another night without food.
SHE GROANS We're all starving, we're We're all wishy-washy, we're not focused.
And following the afternoon's impromptu swim, Mark puts the blame firmly on the others.
Everyone has to do what they have to do, they don't always get to choose what they want to do.
It's not that type of island - it's a group discussion and we all decide what we are going to do.
No, it isn't.
It is.
Not today, it isn't.
I'm president.
You don't speak like that in leadership, you know, it's not the way to do it.
My God.
I think he's just a bit power-mad and I don't think he understands what ruling actually entails.
It's not about being a boss, it's about steering a group.
You're supposed to lead by example.
I said power was going to go to his head, I knew it would.
All I know is we're not winning, we're losing.
Well, do you know what? Put your money where your mouth is.
I will streak around the island naked if we've all got a full meal tomorrow.
I'm Seriously, Mark, prove me wrong.
I can't wait.
She's going to strip off and run round the island if she has a decent plate of food.
I'll be honest, that almost puts me off catching the turkey.
Oh! Oh, my God! Covered in bites.
The group are entering their ninth day without a proper meal.
Fucking sandflies! But leader Mark's plans to get everybody out hunting again have suffered a new setback.
Fucking sandflies can suck my dick.
Overnight, the islanders have suffered a savage insect attack.
I can't stop scratching them.
Scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch.
These fucking sandflies.
I can tell you, they're the vilest, worst part of this island.
My bites are all over my hands.
Here.
Oh, my God.
I've got sores from sleeping and from bites all blended into one.
Holy moley, you have been mullered.
They're horrific.
SHE GASPS Oh, my God, Karen! It's horrible, isn't it? With so many of the group suffering the effects of the bites, Dr Dawn is holding an emergency clinic.
Do you need to look at all my scratches? Cos I feel like I'm turning into a big leopard.
Selfie Queen Karen is the worst afflicted.
The pain is off the scale.
The middle of your back is completely clear and the rest of you is covered.
Yeah.
They are horrid.
'I think she thinks she's Lara Croft or something and she's desperate' to just wear her bikini top the whole time.
You know, she's covered in bites.
Although, in fairness, she's the only one getting a decent tan.
If they're really painful, we can give you a painkiller at night, all right? Thank you.
The thing that most people hate in a survival situation is often not the heat, or the thirst or the hunger, it's the little things - like the sandflies.
Those bites itch like hell.
They're about ten times worse than a mosquito bite.
If you're not sleeping raised up off the ground, you're going to be sharing your bed with a lot of them.
Shall we have this meeting then? After wasted morning, Mark is anxious to get his plans back on track and get the group out looking for food as soon as possible.
Who's fishing and who's big game hunting? I have to get a bed off the floor today.
Yeah.
I'm being eaten alive.
I think being on the floor, you itch more.
Beds will be made today.
I think the reality is, if we don't get food and energy inside us, we won't last to sleep on a bed.
Yeah, but I've got energy I'm trying to prioritise.
You don't need to raise your voice, Mark.
OK.
Right.
I'm the ex-wife of the MP Simon Danczuk and the tabloids know me as the selfie queen.
I love politics.
I literally eat, breathe and sleep politics.
I can do my professional job as a councillor.
I know the answer to a problem and just used to letting everyone else exhaust every opinion and then I'll say, we could do it this way.
Then I'll lead it.
It's just amazing.
No, I'm making beds.
We all want a bed.
I want a bed.
Dom wants a bed.
Two people have left, they've left because of the lack of food.
So I propose, forget bed-making.
No.
Well, that's ridiculous, I think you're daft.
It's not about me, I want to make beds for everybody.
We all want a bed.
Irrespective of whether we've got bamboo beds, we must get water and we must get firewood today.
Critical.
Facing opposition from the group, Mark is forced to compromise his hunting plans and allow a small party to stay behind.
So we need camp for firewood, water and if those people then want to spend the free time having a go at beds, fine.
I think you'll be wasted making beds.
In a survival situation you're often faced with conflicting priorities.
That's never easy for a leader but one thing is certain, if you try and push your ideas through by force of will, rather than respect and understanding, it's only a matter of time before people will challenge your authority.
I've been in politics since I was 18.
He leads but he still needs the backing of all of his cabinet behind him.
Jesus Christ, I'll end up throttling him.
We are the DIY queens.
Karen has recruited Lydia and Josie to help make the beds.
We're taking all our anger out, using a machete and a log.
So who is it? This is my ex-boyfriend from when I was 19.
Fuck you! Remember what he did to you, Josie.
When I had my hotels, it was always the women who made the beds.
But did they build the beds, Mark? No, no, no.
You arsehole! It's only cos they're talking about men.
That's the only reason.
We're talking about our The only reason they've done such fabulous job and got so much energy from nowhere is they're talking about Don't say it's men.
It's men.
It's our anger.
It's your hatred for certain men.
He's taken the fun out of everything.
Mark did? It was only a joke, you know, because you're shouting "men are bastards" as you're hitting it.
Oh, get fucked.
With three of the celebrities opting out of Mark's hunting trip.
Come on, let's go.
.
.
he's relying on the others to make up the numbers.
Let's get this bloody turkey.
But before they can leave, Zoe asks to see Dr Dawn.
How are you doing? I can feel, day by day, even though it's only been a couple of days, I can just feel the burning.
You've got an infection.
Our hygiene is not the best, is it here? You're run down and you're dehydrated.
Poor Zoe, her body is so hungry and starving that her immune system is weak, so she's got like a problem downstairs.
Basically, her fanny's starving.
In a nutshell.
Ah It's so unfortunate that I've picked up this infection.
I'm not going to go against doctor's orders so I'm going to stay here at camp.
Let's go.
Good luck, guys.
Bring us home some dinner.
Due to lack of numbers, Mark is forced to downscale his hunting plans to a simple fishing trip with Ollie and Dom.
What could go wrong? We could fall down the cliff and break our necks.
That's the most likely thing.
Fuck's sake.
Ow! You all right? Yeah, wonderful(!) I knew I was going to fall because it's just so slippy and I'm so knackered.
We'll catch fish here now.
The three of us, we'll catch fish.
I'm convinced.
Their mentality aggravates me and that's why I am the outsider.
Not because I don't like them.
If I met them all in a different environment, they're all quite nice ish.
Oh, this is probably the most comfortable seat I've found.
Yeah.
My happiness is what I'll do later, go sit over there and go and have a poo.
Yeah, the old poo and a naked swim.
Yeah.
It's absolutely my happy place.
I think they're used to a celebrity lifestyle whereas for me, I've always had to get up and get whatever I wanted.
You know, nobody has ever handed me anything.
Like dinner or turkeys.
Dawn, come here, you've got to try this.
Back in camp, Karen and the girls have finished building their first raised bed.
I'm going to break it.
It feels like you are but you aren't.
Ohhh! It's good, right? How's that, Lydia? Oh, my God! It's not quite my memory foam mattress that I've got at home but we finally made a bed! CRACK Ohhhh! Oh! Fucking disaster.
Come on.
There are no fish in this ocean.
I don't think there are any fucking fish here, sorry, guys.
We actually have no food tonight.
No, nothing.
Oh, there is a fish, right there.
On my line.
There he is, go for it.
Come on.
Come on.
He's right there.
Got him! I've got one.
Guys! Oh, my God, look! Quickly, quickly.
That's a serious fucking fish.
That would feed the entire camp.
It's dinner.
Wait, wait, wait! All right, I need a knife.
Woohoo! Yay! Oh, my God, it's a puffer fish.
Is it? Yeah.
Be careful.
Fuck me.
Fucking disaster.
While a delicacy in Japan, the puffer fish contains one of the deadliest toxins known to man.
Eating it without expert knowledge would be suicide.
The only fish we've caught.
The only potential food we have is one of the most poisonous fish in the sea.
Can we put it back? I think we have to.
I don't like fishing.
This island really does have the most extraordinary way of shitting on you.
It's the island of the damned.
It is, it's absolutely awful.
Exhausted and dispirited, leader Mark heads back to camp to see how the others have fared with the daily chores.
Unbelievable.
There isn't a scrap of firewood been done.
There isn't any sign that anything has happened there at all.
It seems to me people have given up for the day.
They're just laying down and that's it.
Karen, was there a reason why we didn't get any firewood? We got firewood, we just burnt it all.
Yeah, we had a lot of firewood.
But there isn't any for tonight.
I don't like the way you're speaking to me, Mark.
I think you are just assuming she's been lazy, which is not helpful.
He's got a real problem with me, that man.
You know what it is, it's women in power.
He's so sexist.
He really does my head in.
Not many people do my head in.
He's come in like a Chihuahua just attacking.
That's, to me, that's just all the ingredients of a very insecure man.
The fact I've come back and there's no firewood, I just give up with her to be quite honest.
I think she's lazy and she's all mouth.
Typical politician, really.
All mouth, no action.
That's Karen.
I've met many people like him over the years in politics and trust me, they don't last long.
They really don't.
For God's sake! Just hurry up! Having fallen behind with their vital daily chores yesterday, Mark has insisted the group spend the morning collecting water and firewood.
Come on! Oh, my fucking God! Why are you putting me through this? I am feeling really tired.
It's midday before the job is finished.
Thank fuck! COUGHING Are you feeling woozy? Yeah.
It's because my blood pressure's probably in my boots without them standing up and there's no blood getting to my head.
Oh, dizzy.
I just stood up and thought I was going to faint, which was really frightening.
It's just like an endurance test now.
Can I starve myself, you know, or keep it off till we go? Having barely eaten since they arrived, the celebrities are now in a desperate situation.
People are just broken.
It's just like watching zombies.
The average person probably consumes about 2,000 calories a day, but the reality of the survival situation - you're working hard, you're hunting, you're building shelters, chopping wood - you can easily burn in excess of 4,000 calories.
And replacing this lost energy becomes a massive struggle for the survivor.
I just need some food.
All the group have to eat are slithers of coconut.
It's lunchtime.
I'm eating this.
We're completely starved.
We haven't eaten in days, apart from the odd bit of coconut meat.
Wait.
That is the end of lunch.
I'm so hungry.
Things are at a pretty much all-time low.
Everyone is just wiped.
Despite the growing crisis in camp Oh, God! This is taking forever! .
.
leader Mark is sinking all his energy into a new invention.
What's happening here? This is my turkey catcher.
That looks like it'll work.
But are you sure that's the most efficient method of catching a turkey? It's not a well known hunting method.
In fact, I think I've seen it on a cartoon once.
I sneak up on him .
.
and once I've got him, then I pull this and Hang on.
He's wasting his time with his silly inventions .
.
that just help no-one.
HE WHISTLES Mid-afternoon, Mark's taken himself off into the jungle Gobble, gobble, gobble.
.
.
without leaving any instructions for the others.
Is our dear leader turkey hunting at the moment? Yeah, sat in a bush.
Sat in a bush? Waiting for a turkey to walk past.
He's just absolutely crackers.
Wasn't like it under my leadership? I remember those days.
Ah, the halcyon days.
We all had jobs.
The island was happy.
If you come on an island with a team of people, you've got to be in a team, haven't you? You can't just segregate yourself.
There's no "I" in team, is there? He's no idea what he's doing.
I'm in a no-win situation.
If I say, "Come on, let's go," nobody's going to take any notice of me.
And if I just go off on my own, they just think I'm a miserable sod, and I'm not really a miserable sod.
I just want something to eat! I think we're going to have to admit defeat, unfortunately.
Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.
Basically, when you're at the top, the only way is down.
That's island politics for you.
With Mark's leadership failing to deliver, Karen wants to take action.
Actually, it's made me realise I want to be president.
I know now that I'm literally Well, I've known, really, from the word go, I've always been one of the strongest members in the group.
And do you know what? Whatever I put my mind to, I usually achieve.
Who wants to begin? As yet another days ends without food, Karen calls the group together to confront Mark.
Can I say something? I think there wasn't really any leadership today and I just think maybe we need a bit more leadership and maybe that person really has to think about the group.
Yeah.
Yeah, I agree with what you're saying.
Does everyone want Mark to stay leader for another day, to give him another chance, or? Why don't we have some sort of a vote and see if anyone wants to be the leader? Yeah, let's do that.
I'd really like to nominate Karen.
You'd be an amazing leader.
I'd second that.
Yeah, I'll definitely be it tomorrow.
Good for you.
Good girl.
Thank you.
Ball buster Karen.
Well, that was an interesting end to the day.
My day as leader is over.
The fact that Karen is the president, I don't care cos I'm not going to take any notice of what she says to me anyway.
QUACKING Did you hear that? QUACKING Oh, my fucking God! I cannot believe our luck.
The following morning, the group are woken by a visitor in their midst.
It's a fucking turkey! Mm! Dinner! Can you believe that's just walked in to our? No, I can't.
That's insane.
It's the world's dumbest turkey.
He's just walked into a very bad place.
Mark, a turkey just walked into camp.
It's here? Still alive? Yeah, it's right there.
With a proper meal now tantalisingly close, the celebrities hastily come up with a plan.
How do we get him? You've got to circle it.
None of you move.
Wait till Lyd goes up.
OK.
And you, yeah.
Get round behind it, Lyd! I'll grab it! Oh, you fucking! Oh, no! Can you see him, Zoe? I think it's gone beyond this.
Honestly, it's just getting embarrassing.
Better luck next time.
Determined to chase down the escaped turkey Let's do it, come on.
.
.
new leader Karen mobilises a hunting party to head into the jungle.
As long as it doesn't end up on a beach, cos I'm only interested in looking for food, not having a jolly.
I'll make a decision.
I think it's best you don't come on this trek today.
Why? I think we've got a really good team and And I'm not part of it, obviously.
I'm not saying that.
So, I'm the only one that's being told I can't do something.
That's interesting.
Stop putting words in my mouth, please.
No, go on, then.
I want it to be a very positive experience and I don't want that negativity.
I want just a focused, positive attitude about this whole trek.
Mark and Karen have been at it again.
Them two haven't stopped arguing, really.
I wouldn't mind him coming, but you know when you've got someone saying, "I will come, but I don't "want to do da-da-da-da-da," you just know it's not going to be a positive ending, so I think it's best that he just stays clear.
It's breakdown day.
Everything's got very fractious in camp.
We might have to do some sort of relationship counselling.
I am highly insulted that she thinks I'm not capable of going on the hunt.
Is that what you think she thinks? Yes.
Yes, and I'm really annoyed about that.
So, if she decides I'm not in the turkey hunt, then we might have a problem.
But it'll be interesting cos I'm going on the turkey hunt, whether she says it or not.
Mentally, it is going to be a tough day today.
The only think we've got keeping us going is positivity.
Having sighted a turkey earlier in the day, the group's new leader, Karen, is mobilising a hunting party.
But Mark's not invited.
He's going to be negative the whole way there.
We are running on empty, we don't want any tension or anything.
Who is going on this trek? Right, so it is me, Lydia and Dawn.
I think Mark should go.
With the group in such dire straits, Dom thinks Karen is making a mistake.
She's tried to stop Mark from going on the trek because they've got personal differences, which is crazy because Mark, the one thing he does do, is he just goes and goes and goes and tries and tries and tries.
Mark should go.
I don't want to fall out with you.
No, please, stop guys, both of you.
Be quiet.
No, don't tell him to be quiet.
I want it as much as, if not more, than you.
Gosh, they are just all arguing.
We are all adults, we should be able to get over our differences and work together.
The thing is, if we see one, I will dive into the undergrowth and not stop until I've caught it.
Karen, you've got to rise above personal stuff.
He's much better I'm not about the personal stuff.
You are.
Let's just get the best people out to trek.
Mark is really good at trekking, he doesn't give up and let's just send him out there.
Right.
Are we good to go? Yeah.
Let's do it.
It really doesn't take much from groups to split apart.
It is often small differences that make great chasms and I have seen this many times before in teams when they break apart and they are always less effective.
Don't forget to look side to side as we walk.
Hopefully we are heading in the right direction.
The hunting party have been trekking through tropical heat for two hours The most important thing is once we spot them, we can't let them out of our sight.
Yeah.
.
.
with no sign of a turkey.
Shall we rest here for a minute, do you think? Yeah, I'll stop for a sec.
Could be anywhere.
Absolutely anywhere.
SQUAWKING Ssh.
Oh, my God, I can see it, I can see it.
There are two, I can see them both.
If they can capture both birds, the group will get its first proper meal in over a week.
Listen, we need to surround him.
If one person goes for him, he will run the opposite direction and we will lose him.
But as they have learnt from bitter experience, the turkeys are not an easy catch.
Walk towards me slowly.
A tiny bit.
Guys, what do I do, because I am freaking out.
It is all right.
Just stay there.
I can't do it.
Mark, can you come and get this one? It's all right, just stand still.
Don't frighten him any further.
It's all right, I'm stuck on this fucking vine! I don't know how to catch it.
SQUAWKING Got it.
I can't do it, I'm so sorry, guys.
I can't do it.
One down, one to go.
Fucking useless.
I'd make a useless farmer, wouldn't I? Hello.
Right, you are so close, grab it, Mark.
Good boy.
Yes.
Can somebody pass me a stick, please? Oh, my God.
I can't look, I'm sorry.
Has he done it? He's done it.
We've got our Sunday dinner.
Turkey.
Hurray.
It is absolutely fantastic.
High-five, everyone.
Good work.
We caught turkeys! Oh, my God, it's such a buzz.
I'm so glad that Mark came on our trek and I think it has reunited Karen and Mark's spark.
They have got something in common, they are both hunters.
They have both successfully brought dinner back to the camp.
How much energy have we now got walking back? I know.
Oh, my God, so much.
I am quite happy for a change.
You won't believe what has happened.
What is it? Is everybody OK? We caught turkeys! ALL CHEER Oh, my God.
Two.
Two turkeys.
Look at him! I was not coming home without a turkey.
Can I declare that today be known as Christmas Day.
Come here you big, grumpy old fucker.
There was no way it was getting away.
I think that is great.
Hurrah for our brave hunters.
I am so proud of Karen, Mark and Lydia for bringing home the goods and what will be our very first proper, proper meal.
The battle for survival is invariably one in the mind and the rewards go to the persistent, the positive thinkers, the team players, the person who doesn't mind failing a few times and the person who can go through that and never gives up.
I just want to dance around naked.
I will admit when I might get things wrong and in this instance, I've probably got it wrong with Mark.
He has been a trooper, good effort.
And we now have a happy camp again.
See this, do you know what it is? A smile? Yes.
Joly is jolly.
Briefly.
I might go and lounge around on the beach for an hour.
OMG.
Oh, come on, what a waste of man hours(!) Is that cooked? Absolutely cooked.
It's their first proper meal in over a week, thousands of nutritious calories of protein and fat.
It was the juiciest, flavoursome turkey I have ever tasted in my life.
Look at that.
That's real food.
Real food.
Oh my God.
Is it good? What did you try? The liver? Turkey liver.
Absolutely incredible.
Just full of energy.
God, that is amazing.
Isn't that good? I just sat there for the last half an hour eating a knuckle.
My Pomeranian Chihuahua would have spent less time trying to gnaw it.
I feel like my energy level has gone - boop, boop, boop.
I feel happy, I feel content.
I feel like a beast.
Someone pass the bread sauce, please.
Oh, somebody has put flowers in the clinic.
Josie, is that you? Was what me? Flowers in the clinic.
Oh, I wish.
No, that must have been someone else.
Do we know who did that? I know who did it.
Who did it? It was Mark.
Was it? Mark is so sweet.
What a lovely thing to do.
Look at that.
Isn't that cute? It is so adorable.
It is so silly the things that get to you.
It took me straight back to when we left and Bear said the things that will help you survive are positivity, determination, cheerfulness and kindness.
And, you know, he is so right.
Mark? What? I'm trying to make your surgery a bit prettier.
It is so lovely.
I cried.
Oh, don't.
That wasn't the intention.
No, I cried happy tears.
That's all right then.
That is so lovely, thank you.
No, you are welcome, you deserve it.
Thank you.
Mark found a moment to be really kind and thoughtful and he is no less exhausted or hungry or tired or hot than the rest of us.
But he just did something really kind.
That means a lot.
I probably do get recognised every day.
But not all day every day.
Do you, Ollie? Every day of my life.
Do you like it, or not? Yeah.
But is it not annoying? No.
Fucking brilliant.
I get "hello" shouted at me four times a day.
Do you really? I love it, I love that someone knows me for something, but I just wish I'd done a better catchphrase than "hello", really.
It is only annoying when people come up to you in Sainsbury's when you're trying to do your shopping they start appearing in your shopping basket because they are nosy.
It's really funny, I go into a shop and a bloke will go And the girl will be like, "Huh?" And then he'll tug the girl And then he goes, "Hello".
Then she is still like, "No".
I can see him trying to get the Nokia tune on.
That happens so many times.
Ollie is leader today.
I hope I don't fuck up.
Next time My last attempt to make the camp smile.
That is minging.
This northern lass needs to pull something out of the bag.
Let's go.
I don't know where she gets her energy.
She's Red Bull in her boobs.
Oh, my God, a caiman tale.
It's moving.
We've got to go in without hesitation.
Caiman, caiman, caiman.
If you fight somebody where it's a close match-up, it is like physical chess.
You've got to out-think your opponent.
That physical one-on-one can't really be replicated.
When you get out there in front of a crowd, you catch somebody perfectly with a throw and you're winning the fight, there's not many feelings like that.
I was ranked number one on the British ranking list, I was Welsh champion and Commonwealth bronze medallist.
Now I know I will never compete again.
He took me into this small room and he said, "I've had "a look at the scans and I'm sorry this is the worst day of your life.
" He said, "You've got a brain tumour.
" And I just went into shock.
I just knew, it was weird.
But I think mothers know things, don't they? Being told at the age of 24 you probably won't see 30, that is a moment you never forget.
We were told it was inoperable and he was given a prognosis of three to five years.
It is depressing.
In all likelihood, you are going to die young.
You are not going to grow old, you're not going to have kids, you're not going to get married and have a house and all those things that you kind of expected you would do.
Jamie, he persevered, he carried on, he never quits you see, Jamie.
He is slowing down a little bit now, I must admit.
Before I was diagnosed, before I went into hospital, I was thinking of progression professionally.
I was thinking about saving a bit of money, maybe putting a deposit on a house.
Now it is all, what I want to do the moment, what would be a real shame if I didn't accomplish this before my prognosis runs up? I think the mentality of a judo player, that's the way I'm treating this battle.
You go down, you get up, you keep fighting.
You know with every judo fight, there's going to be an end and a winner and a loser.
I suppose you've kind of got that with cancer as well.
I might lose at the end, but I'm going to get a few big throws in along the way.
You think, why Jamie? He is so young.
It is pretty tough.
It is your worst nightmare.
Your worst nightmare.
One in two of us will get cancer in our lifetime.
Help us to change these odds.
To donate?10 text FIGHT to 70404 or to donate online go to 100% of the money you give will go directly funding vital research.