Chuck s04e14 Episode Script

Chuck Versus the Seduction Impossible

ÿþ1 Hi, I'm Chuck.
Here are things you might need to know.
- Hello, Diane.
- Hello, Roan.
- What's the deal with this Roan guy? - He's a legend.
An incredible spy.
Real old-school James Bond type.
Congratulations.
Awesome.
Hello, angel.
I really wish you'd pick up.
I need to hear your voice tonight.
I'm sorry again that I couldn't make it.
But I'm thinking of you.
Sweet dreams and besos, my flower.
I'm jealous.
- Would you like a drink? - Ha.
I'd like to be that drink.
Men take one look at you and tell you all their secrets.
Impress me.
Here's one.
Look.
The new $100 bill.
Impossible to counterfeit, but someone did.
Perfectly.
It's called the super note and I'm in town to find out who made it.
So you're a spy.
That's very exciting.
Roan Montgomery.
- Hello, Roan.
- What.
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? - Naughty, naughty, Roan.
- Ha-ha-ha.
Aw.
What a way to go.
Poor Roan.
- Ellie, I think she has your mouth.
- Those cheeks.
I wanna pinch them.
She looks just like you.
I'm out of here.
Okay, here's the SITREP.
It has been 23 minutes since Clara had a number one.
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51 minutes since number two.
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and 76 minutes since her last feeding.
- Maybe she's hungry.
- Or needs a change.
- Could you get the diapers and wipes? - Chuck, feeding pillow, stat.
Okay.
- Can you take her while I get settled? - Yeah.
Come to Grandma.
That's my girl.
Aw, Grandma's got the magic touch.
Oh, smooth and silent.
Same technique I always used for moving live explosives.
Okay, I'll just edit that part out.
Wow.
Babies are stressful.
Tell me about it.
You know, speaking of which, Alex, you know.
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there's something I wanna tell you.
Talk to you about.
Hold on, wow.
It's all good, we're great.
Alex isn't pregnant.
No, no.
She just.
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She wants me to meet her mom.
- Oh, Kathleen.
- Yeah, Kathleen.
The thing is I feel uncomfortable starting off this relationship with her.
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with this secret about my friend-slash-not-dead-ex-fiancée.
Could you touch base with her and tell her you're alive? Not a good idea.
Uh-uh.
You know, Alex is having a tough time with this.
She's been lying to her mom this whole time.
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and she couldn't even talk to her when you were in a coma.
You see, so.
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- I'll think about it.
- Yes, thank you.
Great.
You're the man.
Could you do it quick? I just.
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I have this dinner plan on Friday.
Chuck, Sarah, what are you thinking for the big day? Be great if Clara could walk down the aisle as flower girl.
You know, Woodcombs usually walk at six or seven months.
Don't have to wait long.
- What are your colors gonna be? - Oh, I'm better gray than blue.
I still have my veil if you wanna borrow it.
Don't know that Sarah is a veil girl.
My cousin is the raddest vegan caterer.
You gotta use him.
The wedding cake he made Jim was beige.
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something beige.
- Wrong.
It's not beige.
Something blue.
- Wow, family, intense.
I'm actually sweating.
Last time I sweat, there was gunfire involved.
- Blue.
- Don't use red.
What does that mean? - I hear you.
We need a bad guy.
- So badly.
More pearl than beige.
Guys, we need a mission.
Sorry to disturb you, general.
No, ahem, not at all.
We were just wondering if there was anything that you.
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or our country needed from us.
Preferably far outside of America.
Actually, I do have a mission, but it would be off the books.
You would have no support and it's extremely dangerous.
- We're in.
- Then your mission is.
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to rescue and return one of our own, Agent Roan Montgomery.
Roan Montgomery, the seduction master himself? I love that guy.
What happened? Was he captured? He was last seen in a café in Marrakesh.
Uh, general, given Agent Montgomery's proclivities.
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is it possible that he, perhaps, took an elective trip off.
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? No.
That is not what happened.
We believe he was investigating local crime czarina Fatima Tazi.
She is best known for her private merc army of female soldiers.
Agent Montgomery, luckily, has a tracker on him.
It shows that he is in Fatima's fortress in Marrakesh.
Locate him and bring him safely back to the United States.
Thank you.
What is going on with the general? She's a hot mess.
Well, General Beckman and Roan Montgomery have a history.
Their romance has been going on for decades.
Events happen when those two are together.
Berlin, '89.
Iraq, '91.
Florida, 2000.
Which is why we better go get him.
Roan Montgomery.
Did you ever think your storied life as a spy would come to an end.
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because you picked up a girl in a bar? Well, actually, yes.
That's precisely how I thought I'd go.
- But that's not what happened.
- Oh? Hmm.
No, I'm exactly where I wanted to be.
In front of the woman who's created the world's only flawless counterfeit bills.
And meeting me was worth dying for? You're not going to kill me.
You're going to make me your head of distribution.
- Ha.
- No, no, no.
I'm not joking.
My international contacts can help you launder your money.
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so that people like me don't keep showing up at your door.
And why would I do business with a CIA pig? Mm.
Because rolling around in the mud can be so much fun.
What? You always overpack.
How am I to know what kind of mission we're on? It could be a shooting, a dancing mission.
It could be a shoot-dance, which I know isn't really a thing.
But knowing our track record, is a possibility.
Let's just save that for the honeymoon, shall we? So your family.
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Sorry, sorry.
They're a little intense about the wedding, huh? They're very sweet but.
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- But? - I have a proposition for you.
Okay.
What if we eloped? I know you want the big family wedding.
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but your family is going to be this intense until we get married.
So, what if we, just the two of us, were to run away.
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to some beautiful, romantic, amazing place.
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and all of this stress and pressure could be avoided? Think about it.
Is she trying to kill me? I know.
Elope? - I can't elope.
- Of course you can't.
Who's gonna be the best man? I'll tell you.
Some weird cousin of some weird old stranger you find to marry you.
And then his weird old wife who smells is gonna stand up for Sarah.
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then you're stuck with a bunch of weird strangers in your wedding photos.
I just got my family back together, you know? I have a niece now.
I want them to be in my wedding.
You know, marriage is about compromise.
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and this is what Sarah wants.
- But you giving Sarah what she wants.
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and me not getting what I want is not necessarily "compromise.
" Point is.
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Sorry to say this to you, buddy.
You've never been able to do this with a lady.
- But you're gonna have to put your foot down.
Just say no.
No, huh? To Sarah? This is what I think you should do.
You start by saying no to something.
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far less important, and then, you know, slowly work your way up.
- A practice "no.
" - A practice "no.
" Interesting.
Okay, we'll cut through and enter here.
Chuck, do you want some water? Uh, you know what? No.
Okay.
Actually, yes.
I'm kind of thirsty.
Okay.
Let's go.
Do you want the pliers? Yeah.
Huh.
Some fortress.
Yeah, well, looks like we need a costume change.
Making me once again right to, as you say, overpack.
I will not at any point during this mission.
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be dressing as a belly dancer.
- What if you do it for our country? - America can handle it.
By the way, if you're into the Moroccan thing, we can always elope here.
- Just think about it.
- Come on, let's go.
In here.
Casey, I can't apologize enough for that accidental touching in there.
- It's a very tight changing space.
- Don't mention it.
- Looks like Roan is upstairs.
- Let's go.
Right.
Whoa, whoa.
- Bad Saudi oil tycoon at 12 o'clock.
- What do you think they're doing here? That's not our mission.
We'll find Montgomery.
Come on.
Well, according to the tracker, Roan is in that room over there.
- After you, Casey.
- Okay.
This could get fun.
Finally, my little minx.
Did you bring the oils? Come here.
Shall we celebrate the little soiree I made for you downstairs? Wait, wait, wait.
I hear the footsteps of, hmm, two women.
And a large man.
Darling, you know I like it spicy but I do think.
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- You mean two large men? - What? - You three? What are you doing here? - Rescuing you.
You're welcome.
I don't need rescuing.
Unlike you, Colonel Shoot-'Em-Up.
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I can finesse my way out of any situation.
- What situation would this be exactly? - Look.
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I don't have time to go into it, but I'm about to blow.
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Fatima's counterfeiting ring wide open.
Wait, you're on a mission? Yes.
She's making super notes.
Wait a minute.
How did you find.
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? Who sent you? - General Beckman.
- Gen.
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Diane's birthday present.
The watch.
It's got a tracking device in it? You've gotta leave.
She's gonna be here any second.
We're going to, um, seal our partnership.
Look.
She's coming.
She's coming.
You gotta hide.
- Just hide.
Hide.
- Go, go.
Right here, go.
How is my naughty little turncoat? Ready to be your naughty little turn-on.
You are very feisty, eh? Feed me or beat me, I don't care.
Just get in here.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Oh! So everything's set up for Friday.
You're gonna meet my mom.
- Are you excited? - What? I am so excited.
You kidding me? It's just that I have a surprise for you as well.
- Really? - Yeah.
I talked to your father and he agreed to get in touch with your mom.
Let her know that he's okay, alive and well and back in the picture.
Isn't that great? Come on.
Morgan, no.
No, that is not great at all.
My God, I have been keeping my dad a secret.
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from my mom on purpose, okay? To protect her.
Because for the first time in her life, she is finally happy.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Bad initiative.
I thought it would have made you happy.
Okay.
I'm sorry.
I'll fix this, okay? I promise.
You look a lot like your father now.
Stick a cigar and a knife and you would.
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You've been a very naughty, naughty little spy.
- Oh, you better teach me a lesson.
- Yes, I will.
Chuck, if you get us caught because you sneeze.
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we are officially the worst spies in the world.
I know.
Bad Three Stooges.
I get it.
And I won't.
But, man, it is dusty.
We have to get out.
Let's just take Fatima out, grab Roan, and bail out the window.
Okay, copy that.
You good, Chuck? Um.
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no.
- No? - Yeah, no.
I said, no.
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because I think Roan is making some good headway here.
And we should let him finish.
The mission.
Finish the mission.
- But.
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- But nothing, okay? I said, no.
Woman.
Sometimes in a relationship, people disagree about things and.
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Ah.
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Ah.
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See? See? Not the worst spies in the world.
Guards.
- Betrayer.
- No.
- Not betrayer, lover.
- Shut up.
These are clearly your comrades.
Take them all to the dungeon.
Baby.
This is all a misunderstanding.
It's me, Roan.
Sit tight.
I'll get you out.
So last I saw you two, you were a young, exciting couple.
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chasing, flirting.
Now the silent treatment.
Sexy.
If you must know, we are very much in love, happy.
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and soon to be married.
We're just having a bit of a disagreement right now.
- And the ball and chain isn't helping.
- Are you calling me a ball and chain? There is a ball and chain.
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There's an actual ball and chain.
Do you not see this on the ground, attached to my leg? - Ball and chain.
- Yes, thank you.
What's with the all the nos lately? I may have been a little obstinate before.
Okay, let me guess, this is about something bigger.
Performance issues.
No.
I am adequate.
More than adequate in that depart.
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Right? You can't.
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? You can't agree with.
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? I don't wanna elope.
Okay? I just don't.
Not at all.
Not even in the slightest bit.
I've always wanted a big family wedding.
And now, more than ever.
So no.
My answer to eloping is no.
Okay, fine, I hear what you're saying.
But why do you get to say no? What about what I want? Okay.
I've got eyeballs on the dungeon door.
And there is a lady guard.
I'm gonna seduce my way past her.
- Oh, no.
- Uh-oh.
What? What's happening? Casey is gonna try and seduce the guard.
No, what.
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? The man who flunked my course at The Farm, twice? Casey, that's not a very good idea.
Don't you have a gun or explosives? You're terrible at seduction.
You have no finesse.
I heard that.
Blowing the door will only alert the other guards.
This is exactly the type of girl I know how to charm.
Oh, God, he's gonna charm her.
Tranq and explode.
Casey, tranq and explode.
- Evening.
- Stop.
That's a lovely weapon you have there.
Go.
Gosh, it must get awfully lonely down here in the dungeon.
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by yourself, no one to talk to.
Yes.
Yes, it does.
Cold too.
You can take it.
You're hardy.
I can see why they didn't assign one of those skinny ones down here.
Don't tell me.
So you tranqed her and blew the door.
How charming.
I rescued you.
Shut up.
Let's get out of here.
- I'm staying.
- What? Why? Told Beckman about Montgomery's leads.
Gonna get these super notes.
- You get him back to Burbank.
- Ah.
Yes, about that.
I'm not going back to the States.
Thanks all the same.
This has been a debacle.
- No, we need to take you back with us.
- No, thank you.
- Really? - Beckman said he might try that.
Tell Morgan I'll be back in a week or two.
See you.
Okay.
Well, mission accomplished.
Sarah and I will go, let you guys catch up.
Sit down.
Sitting down, ma'am.
Agent Montgomery, your mission to Morocco.
Who ordered you to go? - Well.
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- No one did.
Fatima Tazi, the super notes? You went after them without any authorization.
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and now I have one of my best agents hidden inside a Moroccan fortress.
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without backup.
Be on standby.
If Colonel Casey gets into trouble in Morocco.
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I am sending you in to get him out.
Diane.
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General.
If there's trouble, I'll get Casey out.
No.
You're done, Roan.
I have a new mission for you.
Charles, you should never sneak up on a spy, even a former one.
Right.
Sorry.
So how's, uh? How's everything going? I've never felt polyester against my skin before.
I feel a chafing.
The chafe of stylelessness.
I hear you on that.
Um, listen, I'm kind of going through.
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my own "spy relationship turmoil" thing situation here.
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and, uh, I wanted to ask you about the general.
- Is this about the Morocco thing? - Of course not.
Diane is upset about Berlin.
- Berlin? - Chuck, sit down.
I have a few minutes left on my break, heh.
Berlin, 1989.
Not a good year for building walls in East Germany.
We had just won the Cold War.
I was off to Moscow, a new assignment.
Diane was on her way back to Washington and a promotion.
We wouldn't see each other for months.
And just before I left.
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she asked the question.
What about us? That's when I said it.
I'm not even sure why.
I told her, if we're alive in 20 years, let's throw in the towel.
Be a normal couple, lead a normal life.
Beckman was a dirty blond? Hmm.
It was the '80s.
Everything was dirty blond.
We were supposed to meet in Washington a few days ago.
I wish you'd pick up.
I need to hear your voice tonight.
I'm sorry again that I couldn't make it.
But I'm thinking of you.
Sweet dreams and besos, my flower.
Casey.
Casey, yes.
Listen, I'm so glad I caught you.
- This will not take long.
- I'm on a mission.
- Yeah, I know.
- I'm in a wall.
Of course you are.
Hear me out, please.
- I know.
Talk to Kathleen, I will.
- You know what? Never mind about that.
It's totally cool.
Thank you, though.
- You were right.
I'm gonna do it.
- No, I wasn't totally right as it turns out.
Alex doesn't want you to talk to her.
Oh.
But, uh, enjoy your wall, and come back safe.
So wait.
So she doesn't ever want me to talk to her mom? I don't know, buddy.
I don't know.
And for whatever it's worth, I'm sorry.
In fact, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here.
- I mean, dig deep.
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- Gotta go.
Casey.
I never thought I'd make it 20 years.
I am a spy.
I can't be normal.
It's not who I am.
See, that's how I feel about the eloping thing.
That's not who I am.
Well, you have to stop saying no to Sarah and convince her.
First thing I teach my students at The Farm.
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is to convince an intimate relation.
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you have to set the scene for the conversation.
Create an erotic atmosphere.
Oh, like a sexy situation.
- Yes, but don't say it like that.
- Oh.
Everything is easier with sex in the air.
Secrets are shared.
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yeses come more easily, nos disappear.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I just.
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I just.
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I don't think I know how to do that.
Charles, come here.
Let's try on some shirts.
Yes.
Now, you're going to need a suit.
Sarah? I'll be right out.
All right, well, listen, I made us a reservation at this place.
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so, uh, just throw on a little something, huh? Sarah? Hi, Chuck.
I'm sorry.
Oh, well, that's an excellent apology.
I am very sorry too.
Now I want you to relax.
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and just think of the two of us running away together.
Yeah? Now just imagine.
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instead of me wearing a white wedding dress in L.
A.
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with all the family.
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picture me wearing this just for you.
Anywhere in the world.
Sound like fun? Yeah.
Chuck, elope with me.
Yeah.
No.
Wait.
No, no, no.
What are you doing? I can't believe you're doing this.
- What? - You're using Roan's method.
Sexy situations, erotic atmospheres.
You're trying to seduce me.
- Why are you wearing that outfit? - Trying to seduce you too.
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just not clearly as well.
- Beckman wants to see us in Castle.
- Maybe we should change then.
Fine.
Fine.
I'm not saying I wanna change.
I wanna.
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I want you to stay in red.
Always.
Always be in whatever you're wearing right now.
All right, here's the situation.
Fatima is meeting with her financial backers on the other side of this wall.
Fatima, we provided you with 100 million in gold five months ago.
You won't tell us where your mint is or where you're storing these bills.
Level with us, do these super notes really exist? It gives me great pleasure to announce.
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that we have been able to produce more notes than originally anticipated.
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for a grand total of $1 trillion.
What are we going to do with $1 trillion? That is too much currency.
Our fortunes depend on a strong dollar.
Yours may, but mine does not.
Thanks for the gold.
What happened? Casey? Casey, are you there? Casey.
Oh, thank God.
Are you okay? Hey.
Yeah.
I'm still hidden, but part of the bearing wall came down.
I'm trapped.
I may have to cut my arm off.
Hold on that, Colonel Casey.
Stand by for further instructions.
Go to Morocco.
We need the location of that mint so we can destroy it.
And we gotta get to Casey before he chops his own arm off.
How are we gonna find the location of the mint? Fatima isn't gonna tell us.
Only one man could possibly get the information out of her.
Roan? Ma'am, Fatima will have Roan shot on sight.
No man could seduce Fatima Tazi twice.
It's a.
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Seduction impossible.
Get him.
General, I know that Roan has broken a promise or two.
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but you can't send the man to his death.
Get me Roan Montgomery.
And that is the story of "Sleeping Beauty.
" You know, Grandma once had to take a potion.
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that made me sleep for a few days.
But Grandma's partner had a potion too.
And when it was time to wake me up, he put the antidote on his lips.
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and woke me with a kiss, just like the prince.
Grandma was on a mission.
Can you say "mission"? A seduction, no problem.
But rope climb? I'm getting old for this.
Climb over, get to the boudoir, and seduce the location out of Fatima.
- We'll get Casey.
- Once we have the location.
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our attack drones will take it out.
Move out.
Hey, hey.
One last thing.
In case I don't see you two crazy kids again, do one thing for me.
Remember you're in love.
Listen to each other.
Never go on a mission angry.
Please, don't call out for help.
I had to come back to you, my love.
What are you doing here? Just hear me out, please.
I'm not here as a spy.
I'm here because of you.
I never wanted to leave you.
I was extracted because of another woman.
Another woman? Who? - My general.
- Who is impatient.
Get the location of the mint, Roan.
Interpersonal stuff on a mission? - It's very unprofessional.
- I know.
- I don't wanna fight.
- Me neither.
Okay.
Well, look, we know my family is stressful.
But what else? What.
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? You know, other pros and cons to having a big wedding? Well, okay.
I mean, who am I gonna invite? Who's gonna come and who's gonna walk me down the aisle? I'm an idiot.
This was never about my family, this is about yours.
I should have figured that out.
I should have told you and not had you figure it out.
You kidding me with this conversation? I'm about to cut my arm off.
Casey, hey.
Yes, good.
Sorry.
We're right here.
I know you're not after wealth.
Your heart is far too pure for that.
What is it you want? Why don't you tell me? Let me help you.
When I was a girl.
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my village was destroyed by an American conglomerate.
They strip-mined over my entire world.
So I am going to flood the markets with 1 trillion U.
S.
Dollars.
The American economy will collapse.
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and it will be my little village that brought them down.
Yes, you told me about your village.
It's called Setouan.
Is that right? Yes.
You listened.
Of course.
I'd love to visit it someday.
I've got the village on my monitor.
There's the mint.
We got it.
This is Beckman, authorization 8485-Charlie.
Initiate air strike, sending grid coordinates now.
Chuck, Sarah, get Casey out of there.
We just need a minute.
Uh, general, we're gonna be slightly delayed.
- Chuck, what's happening? - Bad guys.
Lots of bad guys.
I'm right behind you.
One step to the left.
The other left, idiot.
Never done this before.
What? Never done what before? There are Americans in the palace.
You bastard.
- Yes, I answer to that.
- What do we do? Kill them.
That takes care of your friends.
Casey, you are great.
Get me out of here.
Right.
Right.
Now to deal with you, Roan.
I'm so sorry.
So rude.
Hi.
Could I call you right back? I'm right in.
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- Who is this? - This is General Diane Beckman.
With whom am I speaking? This is the woman who is about to kill your agent.
Good.
It's about time.
Good? She said "good.
" We're in the middle of a tiff.
I don't wanna stop you.
I'd just like to say one last thing to Roan.
I'm happy to see him die.
Ah.
Another one of your admirers.
Hello.
Diane, listen, I just wanna say that I am truly sorry.
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but, you know, I can be such a bastard.
Thank you, Roan.
Oh, one more thing.
Yes? Duck.
Roan? Roan, are you there? Is he alive? We got him, general.
He's right here.
Are you okay? I still got it.
Yeah.
- Ahh, where's the bar? - Come on.
- Let's go.
- What? Just.
.
.
Come on.
Let's go, let's go.
Here is to the woman who blows everyone else away.
Seeing you in action again, it was like old times.
Old times? I like to say the '80s.
- Darling, listen, there's something.
.
.
- I know.
You don't wanna settle down.
You're not made for that.
- You're a spy, that is your life.
- It's almost like you rehearsed that.
- It was my speech to you.
- You changed your mind too? Why did you hunt me down? Roan, you never run away from a general.
Yes, of course.
But I do hope our rendezvous aren't over.
Budapest last spring was divine.
Well, I have high hopes for Morocco tonight.
Good for you, Kath.
Mom? Thirty more seconds, then we check the temp.
Mom.
What is it? Having you here has been great.
But you are ready to try it on your own.
I get it.
No.
No, it's not that.
I would keep you here forever if I could.
Mom, do you really wanna be a full-time grandma? It's okay.
This is what I dreamed of for so many years.
I made Chuck quit the CIA.
And sometimes I wonder if that was the right decision.
.
.
.
.
.
because I know that he's a good person.
.
.
.
.
.
who's helped people and he's protected us.
He's a Bartowski.
And he says that you're the best.
I can't keep another person from being a hero.
.
.
.
.
.
simply because I'm afraid.
If you need to be a spy, that's not another abandonment.
You'll still be in our lives.
I wanna give everything to this baby that I never gave to you or Chuck.
That's my job.
You just have to be the best grandma in the world.
So tell me about that agent.
.
.
.
.
.
who kissed you awake on the mission? - Oh.
He was a big romantic.
And the greatest husband there ever was.
Aha! Well, I'm glad we talked.
Me too.
I think eloping just seemed like a way for me to avoid my family.
Sarah, you've done so much to help my family, how can I help yours? I don't know.
It's different.
Sarah, come on.
It's our job is to take care of some of the world's biggest problems.
Terrorists and despots and oligarchs.
I think we can handle a family.
Even yours.
Hey, hey.
You are Sarah Walker.
.
.
.
.
.
the most mysterious woman in the world.
So as the future Mr.
Sarah Walker.
.
.
.
.
.
can't I get to know you better?
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