Clarence US (2014) s01e00 Episode Script
Pilot
1x00 - "Pilot" Well, class.
I'm sure you've noticed we have a new student with us today.
Clarence, would you like to get up and say something about yourself? Actually, could I do something else a little bit? Uh, yeah, absolutely, Clarence.
This one's for you, and this one's for you, and this one's for you, and this one's for you.
So, if you want to know about me or be my friend or something, then just come over to my house tonight for a sleepover at my house.
We can eat a lot of pizza poppers.
We can watch "the Golden girls" on my big TV, and then at midnight, we get to bust open my mystery piã'ata.
So you're probably not gonna want to miss it.
Oh, wow! Clarence, custom invitations.
That is very considerate.
- You get one, too, Mrs.
Bonestein.
- O-kay.
Uh, thank you, Clarence.
This is very thoughtful of you.
You're welcome.
So if you want to come over, just go to my house right after school, or you could come around dinnertime, or even just walk home with me.
It's up to you.
Hey, Clarence.
Do you play hacky sack? Yeah, probably.
Boooo! What do you mean no one's coming over? I thought you were having a sleepover.
Did you hand out all your invitations? Yeah, but they didn't like them.
Ooh, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Ahh! Well, who's gonna eat all these pizza poppers? - Me.
- Well, I'm going to a tupperware party at Denise's house tonight, and I'm not gonna be back till late.
If anyone does come over, make sure you clean up after yourselves, all right? - Okay.
- Hey, if no one shows up, I'll help you eat all these when I get back.
How's that sound? And, hey, we'll get to bust open your mystery piã'ata, huh? - Mystery.
- Yow.
Chad's in my room if you need anything.
Bye, sweetie! Love you! Bye! - Hello? - Hi, Clarence.
This is Jeff from Lincoln Elementary School.
I'm calling to RSVP for your sleepover extravaganza.
Absolutely! Come on over whenever you want, buddy! - I got a lot of pizza poppers! - All right.
Sounds good.
I'll be there around 5:00.
Okay, bye! Love you! - Come on in, Jeff! - Ooh! What, you've never seen a secret entrance before? Hold on.
I got to unlock the door.
Welcome to party paradise! Let me show you around.
We could play in my tree fort or crawl around in my secret tunnel or break all this wood with a hammer or play whack-a-gopher wait till this guy lays an egg or get blowed around by this thing or break all this wood with a hammer or eat all these pizza poppers really fast.
- What do you want to do first? - Uh, n-none of it? Oh.
What do you want to do? This great lake is known for having the most water.
What is lake superior? - Oh, what is a river superior? - Brian.
What is lake superior? - Correct.
- Yes! One more for me.
Where do you even learn these things? I'll get it.
Hello.
Are you here for the sleepover? - Cut my hair? - All right.
- Both: Who-o-a! - Ugh! - Correct.
- Yes! How come that kid doesn't want to play with us? - Oh, Jeff doesn't like to have fun.
- Well, let's show him how.
- Yeah.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.
- Yeah.
Come on.
Get up.
Come on.
Dance with us.
- Get up! - Come on.
- No, no.
- Oh, come on.
Don't touch my hands! Your hands are filthy! They're full of dirt.
Hey, who killed the jams? I love that song.
Don't stop rockin' on my account.
This Italian treat is made by frying the skin of a pig in its own fat.
- What is ciccioli? - Brian.
- What is ciccioli? - Correct.
Pbht! - I guess rock 'n' roll isn't for everyone.
- Let's try a - different, uh - A different approach.
Master level sudoku puzzle book?! Hey, buddy.
We're making prank calls.
You want to join us? Okay.
This one's for you.
- Ready? Go.
- Oh, um Is your refrigerator running? Here's police department.
What's your emergency? - You called the cops?! - Uh-oh.
Hi.
Sorry.
This is kind of embarrassing, but me and my friends were just doing some, uh, pranks - Don't say that, don't say that! - Don't, don't, don't, - don't, don't, don't, don't! - Ugh! Uh, no, no.
Everything's fine.
There was a burglar, but, um we broke his legs.
- I'll send an ambulance.
- Oh, no.
You don't need to send an ambulance because - because, uh - Because he caught on fire, ran away he's gone.
Don't send anybody.
Do you think that worked? Mystery piã'ata time! Piã'ata? Oh, I love piã'atas! Why didn't you tell me we had a piã'ata? Let's bust it open! You guys are gonna crack up when you see what's inside this thing.
All right, Jeff.
You're dizzy enough.
Oh, oh, oh.
Hi-yah! Wait a minute.
What's that sound? Could it be? Do you want some honey in your tea, Sumo? You're gonna be very surprised by my mystery piã'ata.
Hold on.
I got to change out of my bee suit.
- Nooooooo! - Hi-yah! - Nooooooo! - And the mystery is Bees! Aw, man! That does look like fun.
- Nobody move! - Oh.
We got a call about a robbery, fiery homicide.
Uh, I don't know.
Hey, don't come on stay over! - Mmm.
- I'm sorry I got you guys stung.
I just really wanted you guys to have fun.
- I had fun.
- Oh, yeah.
- This is the best sleepover ever.
- Oh, cool.
Ow-ow.
I'm sure you've noticed we have a new student with us today.
Clarence, would you like to get up and say something about yourself? Actually, could I do something else a little bit? Uh, yeah, absolutely, Clarence.
This one's for you, and this one's for you, and this one's for you, and this one's for you.
So, if you want to know about me or be my friend or something, then just come over to my house tonight for a sleepover at my house.
We can eat a lot of pizza poppers.
We can watch "the Golden girls" on my big TV, and then at midnight, we get to bust open my mystery piã'ata.
So you're probably not gonna want to miss it.
Oh, wow! Clarence, custom invitations.
That is very considerate.
- You get one, too, Mrs.
Bonestein.
- O-kay.
Uh, thank you, Clarence.
This is very thoughtful of you.
You're welcome.
So if you want to come over, just go to my house right after school, or you could come around dinnertime, or even just walk home with me.
It's up to you.
Hey, Clarence.
Do you play hacky sack? Yeah, probably.
Boooo! What do you mean no one's coming over? I thought you were having a sleepover.
Did you hand out all your invitations? Yeah, but they didn't like them.
Ooh, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Ahh! Well, who's gonna eat all these pizza poppers? - Me.
- Well, I'm going to a tupperware party at Denise's house tonight, and I'm not gonna be back till late.
If anyone does come over, make sure you clean up after yourselves, all right? - Okay.
- Hey, if no one shows up, I'll help you eat all these when I get back.
How's that sound? And, hey, we'll get to bust open your mystery piã'ata, huh? - Mystery.
- Yow.
Chad's in my room if you need anything.
Bye, sweetie! Love you! Bye! - Hello? - Hi, Clarence.
This is Jeff from Lincoln Elementary School.
I'm calling to RSVP for your sleepover extravaganza.
Absolutely! Come on over whenever you want, buddy! - I got a lot of pizza poppers! - All right.
Sounds good.
I'll be there around 5:00.
Okay, bye! Love you! - Come on in, Jeff! - Ooh! What, you've never seen a secret entrance before? Hold on.
I got to unlock the door.
Welcome to party paradise! Let me show you around.
We could play in my tree fort or crawl around in my secret tunnel or break all this wood with a hammer or play whack-a-gopher wait till this guy lays an egg or get blowed around by this thing or break all this wood with a hammer or eat all these pizza poppers really fast.
- What do you want to do first? - Uh, n-none of it? Oh.
What do you want to do? This great lake is known for having the most water.
What is lake superior? - Oh, what is a river superior? - Brian.
What is lake superior? - Correct.
- Yes! One more for me.
Where do you even learn these things? I'll get it.
Hello.
Are you here for the sleepover? - Cut my hair? - All right.
- Both: Who-o-a! - Ugh! - Correct.
- Yes! How come that kid doesn't want to play with us? - Oh, Jeff doesn't like to have fun.
- Well, let's show him how.
- Yeah.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.
- Yeah.
Come on.
Get up.
Come on.
Dance with us.
- Get up! - Come on.
- No, no.
- Oh, come on.
Don't touch my hands! Your hands are filthy! They're full of dirt.
Hey, who killed the jams? I love that song.
Don't stop rockin' on my account.
This Italian treat is made by frying the skin of a pig in its own fat.
- What is ciccioli? - Brian.
- What is ciccioli? - Correct.
Pbht! - I guess rock 'n' roll isn't for everyone.
- Let's try a - different, uh - A different approach.
Master level sudoku puzzle book?! Hey, buddy.
We're making prank calls.
You want to join us? Okay.
This one's for you.
- Ready? Go.
- Oh, um Is your refrigerator running? Here's police department.
What's your emergency? - You called the cops?! - Uh-oh.
Hi.
Sorry.
This is kind of embarrassing, but me and my friends were just doing some, uh, pranks - Don't say that, don't say that! - Don't, don't, don't, - don't, don't, don't, don't! - Ugh! Uh, no, no.
Everything's fine.
There was a burglar, but, um we broke his legs.
- I'll send an ambulance.
- Oh, no.
You don't need to send an ambulance because - because, uh - Because he caught on fire, ran away he's gone.
Don't send anybody.
Do you think that worked? Mystery piã'ata time! Piã'ata? Oh, I love piã'atas! Why didn't you tell me we had a piã'ata? Let's bust it open! You guys are gonna crack up when you see what's inside this thing.
All right, Jeff.
You're dizzy enough.
Oh, oh, oh.
Hi-yah! Wait a minute.
What's that sound? Could it be? Do you want some honey in your tea, Sumo? You're gonna be very surprised by my mystery piã'ata.
Hold on.
I got to change out of my bee suit.
- Nooooooo! - Hi-yah! - Nooooooo! - And the mystery is Bees! Aw, man! That does look like fun.
- Nobody move! - Oh.
We got a call about a robbery, fiery homicide.
Uh, I don't know.
Hey, don't come on stay over! - Mmm.
- I'm sorry I got you guys stung.
I just really wanted you guys to have fun.
- I had fun.
- Oh, yeah.
- This is the best sleepover ever.
- Oh, cool.
Ow-ow.