Club De Cuervos (2015) s01e10 Episode Script

New Dick in Town

"A soccer team is like a beautiful woman.
When you do not tell her, she forgets she is beautiful.
" "Arsene Wenger" Goal! Goal! Hi, friends.
I'm Aitor Cardone, the world-famous soccer player.
I want to welcome you to my new home.
With so many reasons to come to this great place, Nuevo Toledo, the question is Why don't you come? GOVERNMENT OF NUEVO TOLEDO WHY DON'T YOU COME? A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES Dude, no way, he's not even that good.
Rio, haven't I taken the ball off him five or six times in training? You already told us all night - We get it, okay? - And who asked you? - Get over it, Cuau.
- Enough.
Shh! Look, whatever.
If it wasn't for his underwear commercials and goddamn hydration drinks, that fucking Spaniard would be a nobody, dude.
- Sir, your cars.
- Uh, those aren't my cars, dude.
Not mine either.
Now they are.
A small gift from Eliseo Canales.
No, thanks.
- Bring me my car, dude.
- Right away, sir.
Well - You can keep my car.
- Cuau! - I'm taking this baby for a ride.
- Cuau! What are you doing, man? If you take that car, he'll ask for something else.
He can ask for whatever he wants and get it! - Even her, if he wants.
- Hey! Let them take you.
Hierro You should accept Mr.
Canales' offer.
That car is all yours, sure! Hey, Mexican Clark Kent, tell Canales to keep his damn cars.
I don't want them, dude.
- Hey! - What? The great Cuau, just look at him! Selling himself to Cortes for a goddamn car.
Bravo, my brother! Bravo, dude! Awesome, man! Moi say hi to the boss for me, dude.
- Let's go! - Whoo! God damn it! You're smoking like a villain in a James Bond movie! There are easier ways to kill yourself.
Don't lecture me right now, okay? What's wrong? The silence of the media.
What are you talking about? There's nothing on the Cuervos in the papers.
It's Tuesday, what do you want them to say? They put on shorts and socks? They kicked some soccer balls? We have the most expensive player in the league and he's not in the papers.
Something stinks.
- Yes - Where is he? Your cigarette.
Guada, come with me.
The linen closet is a mess, the towels are scattered everywhere.
Come on.
Wait for me here, please.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry, orders from Mr.
Iglesias.
What orders from Chava? About what? Your access is prohibited.
Wilson! Oh, wow.
Wilson, this person standing here thinks he can stop me from entering my own building, and I'm one of the owners! - What's going on? - It's not my fault.
- 10-4.
Golden eagle.
- Oh, wow.
What are you doing? Sorry.
New instructions.
Wilson, what What? You can't go in.
- You can't go in! - Get out of the way! What's wrong with you? - You can't do this to me! What's going on? - You can't go in.
- Wilson! - New orders.
Give me the keys! Oh, wow, eh? Wow! - Aitor! - Hey! Look, dude, I'm free! Look, I'm free! That's it! Motherfucker! I was on my own, dude, eh? Whenever you want.
Free to the line.
I didn't see you.
Look, dude.
I know you're going through a rough time, but I'll share a secret with you, okay? It's like what Pique told me at the World Cup Give me a break.
Why, dude? - Messi himself - He told me, "Your job is to put the ball in the back of the net.
So stop thinking.
Do your job.
And stop touching your dick whenever you see Shakira.
" Aitor, Potro! Have you finished your therapy session? Get back in position! Where are Cuau and Rio? - Injured.
- Both of them? - Both of them.
- Mmm.
What should we do? Leave it to me.
Mute! Shout at him! Cuau, so you've hurt your knee again.
- Yes, Felix, in training.
- Mmm-hmm.
I was controlling the ball and it jammed.
How awful.
But you'll be fine for the game.
Um, uh Well, I'd love to, but it hurts like hell.
Okay.
We're going to do the following, doctor.
Cortisone injections, hot and cold compresses.
I want him in the pool three sessions a day, squats with light weights, treadmill, hyperbaric chamber twice a day, and he'll sleep at the club.
Twenty-four-hour surveillance, even when he's in the bathroom.
- Is that clear? - Yes, sir.
You're very important to the team.
We're going to fix you up, okay? Like a Ferrari, hmm? We're going to look after you.
Rio Your neck.
What? Ay.
You are what you eat.
I hope you recover soon.
You're very important for the next game.
They're all yours, doctor.
Oh What a nice watch.
Is it new? It's beautiful! Congratulations.
I offer you fruits from southeast Brazil.
- They increase vigor and are aphrodisiacs.
- Cool! Why don't we go to the locker room and try them? Excuse me.
What part of "zero dicks" didn't you get? Well, I like them.
And I like coke, but that doesn't mean I'll do a line in front of this guy.
Do you have some coke? You're going to give up the aspirins too, dude.
We have to talk.
Why don't you ever smile when you say that, dude? You never smile, man.
I don't think I've ever seen you smile in your life.
We have to talk.
I'm busy.
Mmm? Don't worry about me.
I'm trying to hold in a fart, and if you leave you'd do me a big favor.
Sorry, you're still here? We have to get this guy off dairy, quick.
Rio and Cuau say they're injured.
What do you mean by "say"? They're faking.
Eliseo has bought them, that's why they say they're injured.
Give me a break! Who is he, Vito Corleone? Is he punishing me for being late for that dinner or what? It's not that.
It's because we backed out on the deal we made.
No, I didn't back out.
You backed out.
I didn't approve any of that.
That man is as bad as cancer.
There are too many coincidences.
The injuries, the press silence This is very fishy to me.
Hey, what silence? We're getting international coverage.
Yes, except in Mexico.
Not in Mexico.
Don't you read the papers? No one reads the papers anymore.
It's all online.
The online papers, too.
Yes, I read them.
The New York Times, El Pais, Le Monde He's on the front page of all of them.
Not in Mexico.
Look at Reforma, Marca, Esto Nothing.
Nothing.
You have to listen to me.
Eliseo is hunting our players, and we have to watch them.
Especially our star.
What do you think I'm doing, smoking this guy's farts? - I'm talking about Moises.
- Oh, no fucking way.
You took his number, you took his captaincy, and you put him behind Aitor like a lapdog.
Guard your treasures with your life, and they'll guard you I'm not interested in Walter Bazar quotes! Okay? Moises is hurt.
You need to take care of his ego.
Cool, I'll fix it.
Nothing a lap dance can't cure.
And for your information, it wasn't Walter Bazar.
It was Chava Iglesias.
I'm coming, dude.
Oh, I thought you'd take longer.
I don't fucking believe it, dude! I demand that you let me in.
Mr.
Iglesias' orders were very specific.
- Do you have any idea who I am? - No, sir.
Look, Chava controls your salary.
As a member of the board, I control Chava's salary.
You can see where I'm going with this, right? Yes, of course.
Go ahead.
- Let's start, what do we have for today? - Yes, look.
- Mmm.
For the soccer jerseys - What? Instead of having name and surname, what if we have their Twitter accounts? I mean, for example, @potro38, - @elcuau - Yeah.
And a hashtag underneath.
Let's say that God forbid, Tony breaks a leg, then on that day we could put, "Hashtag we're all Tony".
And we change it week to week.
That's awesome, dude.
And we could also have the players tweeting in real time from the field during the game.
- I love it.
- That's a great idea.
- It's a great idea.
- What about you? I think we should appeal to the female market.
- Yeah.
- Too many ugly dudes in the stadium.
- So we need to pull the women in.
- Yes.
- Mmm.
- How do we do that? We put on a show like Magic Mike.
Yeah! And we could get Matthew McConaughey.
Or Sergio Mayer.
That dude is awesome.
He's in great shape and will bring in a crowd.
Good idea.
We're going to take off.
You'll see, from now on, it's Cuervos 2.
0.
And we'll be here with you to reach that star, brother.
Thanks, dude.
I appreciate it.
Yeah, I say ".
5", but how much does it pay? Write a number and it's yours.
Who do you think you are, not letting me into my own building? Hey, banshee, turn it down.
Can't you see I'm in a meeting? Let's see, dumbass.
I realize you're here with Dumb and Dumber, jerking each other off.
We're not jerking anything.
Chavelita, we agreed I'd handle this.
So please explain to him that he can't do this again - ever, Abraham.
- No, sorry.
You don't have to handle anything because everything is in order.
And for your information, Isabel, it's good you're here.
I want to introduce my new Director of Marketing and my new Director of PR.
Oh, wow! Okay, awesome! - Okay, I understand what you're doing.
- Mmm-hmm.
Are you angry because I won't support you or because I kicked your ass in front of everyone? - I kicked your ass.
- No.
No, dude, I kicked your ass.
- He kicked yours first! - Boom! Chava, Isabel, stop this.
Tio, look, sorry I did it out of kindness.
I thought she wouldn't want to be somewhere no one liked or respected her.
You know what? I kicked your ass last week and I'm going to do it again now! Calm down! - You already resolved - Crazy bitch.
No, Tio.
Not even close.
Crazy bitch, go on, get out! Goddamn Marketing, Special Affairs, my ass! Chava, legally you can't bar her.
Your dad would be very disappointed.
Yes, you don't need to tell me, Tio.
I can't believe she's behaving like that.
Good morning.
Good morning, everyone.
Don't be an idiot.
That's disgusting.
- I couldn't believe it, dude.
- So what? - Are you blind or what, dude? - Why? Did you see the asses on those girls who just walked by? Come on, don't you remember who that is? - Who? - The one with the tattoo on her boob.
The one who moans like a goat, dude.
Ah, Amber, dude! No fucking way! That's right, dude, "Baa! Baa! Baa!" When she came, she was like Satan, dude.
It started Shut up, idiot! Shit! She heard me.
Hide me.
Go on! Keep up the funny act, dude.
- Ah, dude.
- And you? How've you been? Well, so-so, dude.
You know, it's been pretty hard with Ximena, dude.
She took the kid to Zacatecas, dude.
Ah, that sucks, dude! Yes, honestly, it's got me a bit down, dude.
It was hard enough being a dad already.
Now it's even harder.
How old is Pablo now? - Paulo.
- Paulo! How old is he? - Fourteen, dude.
- Yeah.
So, what are you worrying about? - What? - Surely he's fucking already.
No fucking way! He's probably got kids all over Nuevo Toledo.
No fucking way! That's why I want to be there, so he doesn't do anything stupid.
You're doing really well, dude.
You've taught him well.
At the end of the day, kids get it.
I mean Kids understand that sometimes their parents Well, I hope so.
have to get divorced.
At first they're angry, but then they get it and forgive you, dude.
- You think so? - Yeah.
Unless they turn out like Isabel, right? No kidding, dude! No, look, that's why, dude, what worries me most is my kid's education, you know? - Yes.
- I mean, what school he'll go to.
You want to take him? Take him, but What's the deal, dude? What do you think? What is it? Who are you texting? - No one, it's Aitor, dude.
- Ah.
Aitor is in a club with some chicks and needs reinforcements, dude.
You're invited, let's go.
- No, I'll pass, dude.
- Come on, man.
Moi? - You have to get along - No, you go, dude.
You have to get along with this guy.
- No way.
- You need to get to know him.
- He's really cool.
- Oh, sure, of course.
You don't like him because you got off on the wrong foot.
What wrong foot? Give me a break! - Moi? - Mmm? - It's like Walter Bazar says.
- What does that dude say? "Stubbornness is like quicksand on the road to success.
" - Are we going or not? - No, dude.
- Why not? - No, you go, dude.
I'm fine, man.
Look, the truth is, I don't like sloppy seconds.
Don't be gross.
- Okay, then.
I'm going.
- Sure.
You go.
- You want me to pay? - No, dude.
No, Chava! No, dude! Chava! - There.
- Dude.
- Chava! Fucking hell.
- Shut up.
- Oh, baby! - Oh, honey! Hey, and down there? What's wrong? Nothing, give him a minute.
Hey, but we're going to fuck, right? It's not happening.
Why don't you put your finger in? Put your finger in like I showed you, come on.
- Here? Is that good? - Yes, there you go.
No, stop.
It's not working.
Stop.
There.
Hey! Where are you going? Look, it seems to me like this plane isn't going to take off.
But it's tired, come back in a while.
Tired from what? It's just been, like asleep.
Okay, bye! Hey! Where are you going, girl? Fuck you! Fuck you! CONTRACT CLUB ATROMITOS THIS COULD BE YOURS REGARDS, ELISEO Hello? Did the package arrive yet? What's up, Eliseo? Nothing, just following up to see how things are between you and your beloved Cuervos.
Everything's fine, thanks.
Yes? How strange, because I heard Aitor had started to shit on you.
Hey, look, your friends have made a wise decision coming with me.
When that boat sinks, I won't be able to help you, and you're sailing on the Titanic.
Thanks, I'll stay a Cuervo.
Hey, I'm not asking for your immortal soul.
I'm just saying that it's all give and no take.
Look, Eliseo, if what they say about you is true, I think that's exactly what you're asking for.
Kid, I go to Mass every Sunday, really.
Eliseo, thanks very much.
I don't want to owe you anything.
Besides, we all know Bofo's story.
I'm staying a Cuervo.
Yes, we all know Bofo's story and we all know why you're not the big Cuervo anymore.
Chava clipped your wings, right? Goodbye, Eliseo.
Hey, very good.
Come here.
When the parade comes, always keep your head up.
Butt out and smiling like this, one side to the other, okay? Showing your teeth.
Show me your teeth.
That's it! Oh, my girl! Hi, Raul.
Hi, Tio, how are you? It's Isabel.
Good.
Listen, I want to arrange dinner with you, the governor, and Diego Perez.
Because we need to talk.
Yes.
Yes, about Chava.
He has to go.
- Potro! - What? What's up with your shrine? They're good luck charms I was given for vigor and - What's it called? Potency.
- For on the field? Yes, for the field.
Sure.
- Cool? - All good, dude.
What's up, dude? I brought my kid, Paulo.
It's been a while.
Come here, dude.
Hey, I was thinking, maybe we can go to the movies.
What do you think? - Oh, if you want.
- Yeah? Would you like that? I saw there are a few new ones.
Or if not, we can play some PlayStation at home.
Right? Boys! That's it! Great! - Or we could order pizza.
- Will you introduce me, Dad? Yes.
Do you think he'd autograph my shirt? Yes, I think so.
Come on.
Uh Aitor.
Striker, what's up? What's up? Hey, I want to introduce my son, Paulo.
- How's it going, Pablo? - Paulo.
Paulo.
- Paulo? - Paulo.
- How are you? Do you play? - Pretty well.
Yes, you've got a good body, eh? And if you inherited your dad's skills, you don't have to worry about anything.
Although if he followed my orders and advice, he'd be a bit better, right? But anyway, it's okay.
It's like when I was training in the Alps with Neymar You trained with Neymar? Sure, Neymar, Iniesta, Xavi That's what Europe's like.
Hasn't your father taken you? Well, the farthest I've gone with Dad is Acapulco.
Should I sign your shirt? If you want - Oh, yeah, if it's not too much trouble.
- Sure, dude.
- Your son's a good kid.
- Yes.
- There you go.
- Thanks.
- Let's get started, eh? - Thanks.
Striker! Hey, Mo, Ma, Mauricio? - Mohamed! - Moises.
Yeah, whatever.
I've never been good with names.
Don't worry.
Just call me Moi.
- What's wrong? - Well, um I think I offended you a bit, didn't I? But, dude, I wanted to talk to you.
I wanted to say, dude, I want to play on this team.
The two of us together! Now! Oh, the two of us on this team, you want to play.
Yeah, we're both strikers, right? It's the magic! Come here! Look, feel it.
Feel my energy.
That's it! Right? You feel it? We are one now.
We should take our clothes off.
- What's wrong with you, asshole? - Okay, I know it's hard.
It's going to be difficult for you.
But, dude, we're men, right? I'm a man like you and I like this.
The two of us playing together like men.
Fuck it! Let's leave that stupid stuff in high school.
Why don't we hang out, eh? Hang out this weekend? Yeah? We'll go out? A Roman bacchanal, eh? Imagine.
We'll kill a pig in your name.
Yeah? Come on! Moises has the ball Hey! Look! No fucking way, man! Let's go, Potro, let's go! Come on! And the magic? - What magic, man? - What? You had two covering you, dude.
How could I Aitor is never covered, man.
- You had two on you, come on.
- No.
Mexican dipshit! These two don't have very good chemistry.
Don't fight, boys.
Go, Cuervos! Moises has the ball, Cardone open on the right.
He switches to the left, and it's a bad pass! No! - Moises, I was free! - You were marked, man.
No, I wasn't marked! Aitor is never marked! Cardone is clearly upset.
And why wouldn't he be? Moises with the ball.
He moves it forward He steals it! Cardone steals it! An incredible play! - What a goal! - Goal! Goal from Cardone! Amazing Cuervo! Amazing goal! Hey, hey, hey! Moi! What is going on? Pausini, stop them! Like cats and dogs.
He ended up without a shirt.
Look at this! Oh, thank you! Isabel! Vanessa.
- How nice of you to come.
- Mom! Look who it is! I would've invited you, but you wouldn't have come.
No, please, don't worry! What's this little meeting? Council of witches or what? No, it's my baby shower.
It's for the baby, obviously.
Thanks for specifying.
I mean, given the level of maturity here.
Mom, can I talk to you for a second? Yes, my dear.
- Let's go.
- No, you're the same! How nice you're here.
What the fuck are you doing here, Mom? - Huh? - Why are you here? What's wrong with you? - I thought you hated her.
- Oh, darling.
I thought you hated her more than me.
Why are you here? Oh, dear, that was before.
I had all that hatred bottled up.
Now that your dad's died, I see things from a different perspective.
Darling, I've become a Buddhist.
I meditate and do some really great exercises.
Now I concentrate and my whole aura is bathed in golden light, and I think, "Nothing can harm me.
Nothing can harm me.
" Hatred generates bad karma, dear.
You should do these exercises with me, really.
- You know what, Mom? - Huh? I didn't want to believe it, but you just confirmed it.
- Mmm? - You're completely insane.
- You only just realized? - You're crazy! - Go have fun at your party! - Okay - I don't give a shit! - This way.
- No one's arrived? - No, ma'am.
You're the first.
Ah, that's okay.
Um If anyone arrives, the governor, Mr.
Perez, send them in.
- Very good, ma'am.
- As soon as they arrive, thanks.
- Good evening.
- Evening.
- A whiskey, please.
- Yes.
Thank you.
Isabel, Isabel, Isabel.
Well, well, well.
What are you doing here, Chava? No, the question is, what are you doing here? Didn't your guests tell you they were going to cancel? They didn't tell you? Oh, what assholes, dude.
I was answering calls all day.
The funny thing is each one told me separately about your little coup.
They said it seemed like a pathetic idea, they said it seemed in bad taste, that it was a desperate cry, that it was treacherous.
The "desperate cry" was from the governor.
You know what, Chava? This isn't over yet.
No, I think it's over.
In fact, I'm pretty sure you have no options left.
Unless Dad rises from the ashes and leaves his little urn and says, "Oh, it's true.
I wasn't dead, I was here.
" Why do you assume you're smarter than me, dude? Why can't you be happy for me? Why can't you be happy I'm doing well, dude? Do you want a war with me? Remember how you were at paintball, dude.
What's wrong? Let's have a baby.
Right now.
Right now.
- Yes? - Yes.
You steal the ball from your teammate and you attack a player who just scored a goal.
What the fuck was going through your heads? Your little fight is all over the YouTubes.
It's YouTube.
Singular, just one.
I don't give a fuck! Well, however you want it.
This damn diva is the worst thing to happen to this team.
Fuck, Moises, damn it! We spoke about this, man! - Clearly he didn't understand you.
- Fuck your mother ten times! No, no, no! You fuck your mother, Moises! I have enough problems with my sister's tantrums to have to put up with you, too! - This guy took the ball off me! - Yeah, and scored! When was the last time you did that? Okay, okay.
This is the situation.
I have no idea what problem he has with me, and honestly, I don't care.
But Aitor can't be made to look ridiculous.
If you can't guarantee that, I won't play anymore.
You'll play when we tell you to play.
And you're going to stop whining because you're not the prom queen anymore.
Get used to it.
- Are we finished? I'll be going.
- Hey! We haven't even started! Look, this is what's going to happen here.
You two are going to settle things.
You can argue, you can kick each other's asses, do what you want! But you settle it today, like men, in private! Here.
Today! Today! Okay.
You're not the first to be intimidated by me, you know? No reason to be modest.
Let's look at it like this, it's like a family bringing a new puppy home.
Everyone adores the old dog, they love him.
Everyone thinks he's the best.
But when they see the sweet face of the soft, shiny puppy everything changes.
The old dog has to learn to adapt to the puppy, to his star quality and charisma.
But the puppy also has to be a bit sensitive to the old dog.
I'm the puppy in this metaphor.
So, shall we sniff each other's butts? You are fucked up, asshole! Okay.
Go fuck yourself.
Great day to make your debut, right? Well, yes.
Here we are They've always told me What is Rafa doing on Nacion Futbol? Of course, you always had it.
- We love you very much here, Rafa.
- Thank you.
Getting back on topic Tell us a little about what's happening inside Cuervos FC.
Well, there've been some adjustments But Rafa, you saw the game.
You saw him steal the ball.
These are big problems.
What's going on? Well, yes, but I can't take sides on this because they're my teammates.
- They were your teammates.
- Not anymore.
Now we're your teammates.
- Okay.
- If not, you wouldn't be here, Rafa.
Yes, well, I guess not.
Hey, well, let's see, tell us, were there many internal problems when you played for the Cuervos? The usual, but not that I There wasn't a lot There wasn't conflict.
Rafita, you're among friends.
Tell us the truth, man.
What's going on? What's it like working with Chava Iglesias? I've known Chava a long time.
We're very close.
- Your brother-in-law.
- My brother-in-law.
- We all know your connection there, right? - Okay.
Say what you like, Isabel won't be mad, okay? No, no.
What do you think about the approach? About the way the Cuervos are being managed? Well, uh Felix knows what he's doing.
He's doing a great job.
And Pausini, well, he's one of the best coaches around, and his resume backs that up completely.
Well, there you have it.
The truth about the Nuevo Toledo Cuervos with Rafa Reina.
Motherfucker! Potro, what's up? That shot was easier than a drunk schoolgirl, dude.
Where is Moises? Injured.
Have you spoken to Eliseo? Yes.
But I try not to get involved as much as I can.
You're fired.

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