Cold Feet (1997) s02e03 Episode Script

So late.
Playing around like this in the morning.
You can't afford to do this, Josh.
(All talk at once) Come on, Josh.
Kind regards l'm not doing you a favour.
l don't do favours unless it's for me.
ln which case it isn't a favour.
Precisely.
You know advertising.
Faster turnover than football management.
l've lost five staff.
Three to competitors, one's pregnant, one's had a breakdown and one's ''finding himself''.
- That's six.
- What? - You said you'd lost five.
- Oh, no.
The pregnant one went to a competitor.
They don't know yet.
- You're not planning anything like that, are you? - Er, no.
Good.
Right, well, cut the crap.
Re-start at your old level, same salary.
OK? - Brilliant.
Yeah.
Thanks.
- OK.
Danny! - Are you doing anything for the rest of the day? - No.
You are now.
Danny Burke, Rachel Bradley.
- Rachel'll be joining your team as of now.
- Great.
l could use the help.
Actually, this schedule needs typing up.
Rachel's the new account manager.
Right.
- Can l get you some coffee? - Tea, please.
Coffee for me.
Hi, Amy.
- Amy, are you all right? - Shouldn't l be? lsn't that the document you were supposed to shred? Yeah.
Well, you're actually feeding it into the photocopier.
Oh, shit! (Begins sobbing) Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- Are you OK? - No.
Come in here.
Go on.
Go on.
Take your time.
- Although l've got a meeting at 1 1 o'clock.
(Watch alarm beeps) (Sobs) lt's lt's Adam.
He He dumped me.
That was two weeks ago, love.
Butl haven't criedyet.
Well, you're certainly making up for it now.
lt'll be all round the office by now.
(Woman's voice) Pete and Amy.
ln the stationery cupboard in a clinch.
- lt's all your fault.
- Don't blame me.
You dumped her.
Yeah After two weeks.
Yeah, l suppose most women would be over you within minutes.
- How's Jen? - Oh, nice segue.
Oh, l didn't mean You know, l wasn't l'm not sure it's a good idea, me coming tonight.
l am.
Me and Jenny - we're just not talking any more.
(Exaggerated grating) Actually, maybe l'll have some salt.
(Shrieking metal) You want me to make conversation? You're the demon we have to exorcise.
- What? - Me and Jenny.
We can't move on till we've laid you to rest.
Er, no.
Look.
Erml'm sure it's not a good idea, me coming round to your place.
We've already talked about it.
- l thought you had nothing to say.
- And she agrees.
This is the only way the three of us can get back to normal.
- You think that's possible? - l don't see why not.
Come on.
lt'll be all right.
Oh, God, there she is.
Ah, here they are Hello! Look at that.
Bang on time Good lads.
Come here.
Hello.
Hey.
Hi! Adam? Old mate.
Hello.
All right? Our friend, really.
Yeah? You're looking good.
Not that good, mind.
Right.
OK.
Get in there! (Laughs) Come on, form an orderly queue! Come on Hey! lt's going very well.
(Door opens) Hello? Hi, David.
Rachel.
ls Karen not around? No.
She's just popped out to the shops.
She'll be back in a minute.
Make it snappy.
Now, you know it's our wedding anniversary next week? l did.
l'm surprised you do.
Karen usually plans a surprise, which is her way of punishing me for forgetting.
But this year, l thought l'd beat her at her own game and find something to surprise her with.
Remembering your anniversary should do that.
What l thought l'd do is leave Josh with Ramona and go away for a long weekend somewhere.
New York? Or London.
- London? - Yeah.
l don't know Suite at The Dorchester.
Dinner at The Gavroche.
Tickets to a show.
She'll love it.
Then l've got to think of which show to go and see.
l wondered about Cats.
So do most people who've seen it.
Or The Phantom Of The Opera? - Starlight Express? - David How many Lloyd Webber musicals has she seen? None, l think.
- So not Andrew Lloyd Webber? - Now you're talking.
Oh.
- There's me in bed with Rachel.
- Rachel Two.
When there's a knock at the door.
l run down, stark bollock naked, except for this hand towel.
lt's Rachel.
Rachel One.
- What did she want? - l never got to found out.
There's a scream from upstairs and there on the landing is the other Rachel.
- Rachel Two.
- Naked And Amy.
- Amy? - Yeah.
ln sexy lingerie.
Mad cow had copied my keys and let herself in.
Thought she could seduce me into us getting back together.
- What must Rachel have thought? - Which one? That we were having an orgy.
She turned and fled.
Haven't heard from her since.
He can't move for women throwing themselves at him! (Clock ticks) So what about you and the other slag, erRachel? - Rachel Two.
- Nothing happened that night, of course.
Not once l'd escorted Amy off the premises.
But the next night l reckoned we'd be back on.
Adam, l really like you.
But l've been thinking.
l mean You are my landlord, and Amy is my friend, and l'm just not sure it's such a good idea.
JENNY: She's playing hard to get.
The thought l consoled myself with.
Till the next night.
(Moans) Oh.
OhGod! Maybe she was on her own.
Again, the thought l consoled myself with.
Rachel? Yeah? Sorry, mate.
All yours.
They've been at it every night since.
Only one thing for it.
- Ask her to move out.
- Find a new girlfriend.
Pudding? - Smashing idea.
- Magic! l got something for you l got something you need Will you give me something too l got something for you l got something you need Will you give me something too? - Are you going for a drink? - Yeah, l reckon But not with you.
- You're joking.
- Why not? She's gorgeous.
Precisely.
- Tenner says l can.
- Pull? - No, score.
- Make it 20.
Adam? Were you serious about wanting a girlfriend? Cos - l tell you what, l've been thinking about that.
- Oh, yeah? Oh, no.
No, Jen No, l'm Not me! Oh, God.
l-l think it's a good idea.
l knew that l knew that.
We can go out together.
Me and Pete.
Andyou and whoever.
Yeah Yeah.
So l'm just about done for tonight.
- Me, too.
- Yeah.
Do you want to go for a drink? l don't think so, Danny.
Oh Right.
Right.
Just asking.
The sad truth is that, when you're in your 30s, it's nigh on impossible to meet someone who's both attractive and on their own.
She's attractive and on her own.
She's standing at a tram stop.
Probably on her way home to her husband.
Uh-uh.
No wedding ring.
How do you suggest l found out? Excuse me.
l couldn't help but notice that we're travelling in the same direction.
And, well, if you're wanting some company, l thought maybe we could travel together.
Just a thought.
Brilliant.
Now Just suppose you knew in advance, right, that she'd be up for it.
Would you ask her then? Hmm Yeah.
Ta-da! There you go.
Meeting Place.
- Lonely Hearts? - They don't call it that.
Nor Sad Twats' Corner.
l'm sorry, Jen.
But l'm not that desperate yet.
Yeah, you are.
Easiest 20 quid l've ever made.
Just a drink, right? Absolutely, yeah.
OK.
Quite fancy a quick one.
l got something for you l got something you need Will you give me something too? This one looks promising.
''Slim, attractive virgin.
'' Love it.
''Virgoan.
'' ''Virgoan.
'' Oh, er - ''26.
'' Nice age.
- lt was, yeah.
''Seeks Taurean with GSOH.
'' GSOH.
What's that? Like GCSE? - Good Sense Of Humour.
- Oh, right.
''You make me laugh, l'll make you supper.
Apply box R23N.
'' Ah Oh.
l don't know, really.
''Dear slim, attractive Virgoan'' Hey, erJenny.
What are you doing? Writing your reply.
l don't think so.
l canmaybe compose something here myself, thanks.
Well, go on, then.
OK.
Er ''Dear slim, attractive Virgoan'' - ''My'' - Wait! ''Myname is'' ls Adam! Yeah.
Good lad.
Right.
''l am - 33 years old'' - 30! - You're 33.
- Today, l'm 30.
''30 years old, a Taurean, with a good sense of humour.
'' ''A great sense of humour.
'' - Yep.
- Right.
What's next? Fancy a shag? l'll need to do a wee bit of work on this.
Amy.
Have you been asked on this Outward Bound bollocks thing as well? - Yeah.
Everyone at our level.
- What's the point? ''To identify and encourage management potential.
'' l don't want to be a manager so why do l have to go? - Ah, it's only a weekend.
- Yeah.
Unpaid.
ls that it? What you came for? No, l came to check you were all right, you know.
After the other day.
Aw - You are sweet.
- You're not still hung up over Adam? Ugh.
l don't give him a second thought.
lt's like he never existed.
Good.
(Romantic music) Let's go for a drink at lunch time, eh? God, l hate being late.
Can you go any faster? New York cabbies don't speak English but they get you there on time.
(American national anthem ringtone) Hello? - Natalie, it's Karen.
ls David there? - Yeah, he's here.
You want a word? No, no.
l don't want him to know l'm speaking to you.
Oh, OK.
No problem.
Um.
Go left here.
Left! Yeah.
l'm phoning up to ask you a favour.
lt's our wedding anniversary on Friday.
Right.
Not you! Straight on.
Jeez Louise.
What's the matter? Don't you know this town? Sorry about that.
Go on.
''l want to take David to Paris at the weekend as a surprise.
Could you tell him he's got to go on a business trip? l'll get the tickets and everything, and l'll be waiting on the plane with champagne.
Oh, it sounds wonderful.
l'm sure he'll love it.
Wish l could go myself.
Thanks, Natalie.
OK.
Call me again when it's sorted out.
Talk soon Bye-bye.
That was about me? What? Oh, yeah.
Um Personnel.
A fire training course.
l'll love it? You wish you could go yourself? Mm They let you set off a fire extinguisher.
Foam lt's terrific.
Hey! Who told you to stop at zebra crossings? The thing is, love's about power.
When you love someone, they have the power to hurt you.
So they do.
Jen never meant to hurt me.
No, no.
But that was the result of her infatuation with Adam.
- Oh, Pete.
l had no idea.
- l didn't want to broadcast it, did l? Oh l'm really touched you confided in me.
- Makes me feel like crying, actually.
- No.
Please don't.
Stop.
The reason l told you was because other people were looking.
- l thought if you were the one with problems - Can you re-build your marriage? Oh, yeah! Maybe.
l don't know.
l thought if the three of us could get back together, the way we were, we could forget any of this had happened.
Now we have .
.
things still aren't right with Jen.
l think our problems run a lot deeper.
Basically, she doesn't love me any more.
And l don't know what to do.
Poor Pete.
Do l owe you 20 quid? What? Our bet.
Your boss.
Oh, right.
Rachel.
You know, she's really great.
l've always had a thing for older women.
Yeah.
Does she have a thing for you? Well, l'm working on that.
l'll give you a week.
You what? She's not like your Sue.
Might take me a bit longer than that.
Yeah.
Like forever and a day.
You've got seven days and counting.
(Toilet flushes) lt's an outrage.
A scandal.
Maybe she hasn't got it yet.
Of course she has.
l sent it days ago.
l didn't use carrier pigeon.
Maybe she's tried ringing and then she didn't want to leave a message.
l've been staying in.
She's had loads of replies.
She's still sifting through 'em? So l'm like the other sad bastards? At least you're not in the reject pile.
- How do we know that? - l don't know.
- What did you put in the letter, anyway? - Ah.
Ah.
You've got a copy.
Of course you have.
Cos you're sad.
ln case we want to show it to our kids.
Right ''Dear Box R238.
That was my mother's name.
'' You wrote that? l was demonstrating my GSOH.
And you are a very funny man.
There you go.
She'll think you're Norman Bates.
What about the rest of it? lt's good.
She won't have finished it.
We'll have to start again.
Oh, no, no, no.
Being completely humiliated once is more than enough, thank you.
We should put an ad in for you.
lt's much better.
Then we can choose.
We can choose? - That was really good.
l enjoyed that.
- Good? Great? lt's a masterpiece! lt's Kurosawa's greatest film.
But it's a bit derivative, though.
lt's basically just The Magnificent Seven.
The Magnificent Seven was made six years later.
- Really? - Mm.
Have you ever seen a Japanese film before? Yeah Er Bridge On The River Kwai.
No, no.
l'm pulling your leg.
Actually, l haven't seen that.
So, what was the first film you ever saw? Star Wars? Christ, no.
l wasn't born when that came out.
lt's been really lovely.
Don't you want to go for a drink? Well, l'm sure your mother will be expecting you in.
Rachel, do you think l'm too young? Yeah, l do, Danny.
Yeah.
But it'd be different if l'd heard of Kurosawa, right? The Seven Samurai - or, to give its correct title, Schichi-nin No Samurai - was inspired by the Westerns of John Ford.
Toshiro Mifune, who plays the role of Kikuchiyo, was one of Kurosawa's favourite actors.
He'd already starred in Rashomon, and would again play a rootless samurai which would themselves inspire Sergio Leone's Spaghetti Western trio, starring Clint Eastwood as The Man With No Name.
So, er can we go for that drink? Yeah.
OK.
TV: lt's the future of capitalism that goes back DAVlD: Hiya.
Hello.
- Good evening? - Yeah.
l went to the cinema.
What did you see? Er, The Seven Samurai Kurosawa? That's a bit old, isn't it? Does age matter? Does when it comes to whisky.
Lovely.
Seriously, David You're what? Seven years older than Karen.
lt's never been an issue, has it? No.
Thanks.
lt's just that l've met this bloke and that's the difference in our ages.
Right.
He's 35? 21 .
You cradle snatcher.
l'm also his boss.
- Ah.
- Yeah.
Bad idea? l thought so.
- Oh, well.
Night, David.
- Night.
Oh, Rachel.
l've got Karen's ticket for London.
Ooh.
First class.
- Are you sure you can get her to go? - Yeah, no problem.
- And she mustn't have any idea what it's about.
- David, trust me.
Night-night.
Sleep well.
TV: One day America, the next day Asia.
- The focus group results were good.
- l'm showing the client tomorrow.
You've got an e-mail.
Oh, yeah.
How are you getting on with Danny? Danny? Er Fine.
There's one rule of business - workmates don't shag.
- We're not shagging.
- Yet.
Before you do there's something you ought to know.
20 quid? l thought l'd be worth a bit more than that.
Oh.
My bet with Patrick? Oh, is that it was? Proceeds going to Help the Aged? - lt wasn't like that.
- Just a bit of fun? Just a playground prank? Well, yeah.
All right.
Perhaps it was like that at the start.
But that was before l got to know you.
To fall for you.
Oh, for God's sake.
Go on, go on.
Say whatever it takes to get the old girl into bed.
Then tomorrow morning when we come in to work, you can have a laugh with your mate Patrick.
You've got it all wrong.
What do you mean ''tomorrow morning''? - What? - You said ''tomorrow morning''.
- You would have slept with me tonight.
- No, l would not! Well, l'm bloody well not going to now and you can put money on that! Oh, and when you see Patrick, tell him he owes me a tenner.
l already paid him.
- Why? - Cos the bet ran out on Tuesday.
l didn't see you on Tuesday.
You cancelled.
Because of the stupid bet.
That was male bravado bollocks, right, and l went along with it.
But l really like you, Rachel.
l want to get to know you properly.
When the time is right.
And if you thought that was tonight, then so be it.
ls the bet still on? Better be a bloody good dinner.
Are you going to the footie this weekend? Can't.
The company's sending me on one of those Outward Bound courses.
Moulding the management of tomorrow! What? You? Hey.
How about Leann Rimes? Country and Western? No, l don't think so.
Er, classical? - What? For Jenny? - No, Amy.
- What? My Amy? - You can hardly say that.
What are you buying her a present for? Er Friendship.
Adam, she's been very supportive.
She lets me sound off about a lot of things.
Mostly me, l suppose.
l think she would say that was egocentric.
l've no doubt she's got all the lingo.
She spent half her life in therapy.
Hey.
She's not nuts.
lt's just that you didn't respect her.
Yeah, that's probably right.
Excuse me.
ls that tonight's paper? Can l have a wee look? l might be in this.
Why? What have you done? You know, mymy ad.
- Oh, no.
Lonely Hearts? - lt's called Meeting Place, actually.
Yeah, right.
Er, yeah.
Oh, no.
ldiots! They've cocked up.
lt's a misprint.
Yeah, it says 30 years old.
No.
Not that bit.
Further on there.
Er ''Handsome, bordering on good-looking with killer's eyes''?! lt's meant to say ''killer eyes''.
Never mind.
Plenty of lifers in Strangeways get fan mail.
Great.
l'll get all the psychos in Manchester writing to me, then.
Amy is not a psycho, right? Oh, yeah.
Do we eat loo paper in this house? Sorry.
- Karen.
- Yeah.
- There's some man in the bathroom.
- lt must be Ramona's boyfriend.
l doubt it.
He was washing his hair.
lt must be Rachel's new bloke.
Oh, the jailbait Got to go.
Have a good day, Joshy And you.
- Bye.
- Oh, by the way.
Natalie is going to London this weekend and she wondered if l knew of any good shows.
Americans enjoy The Mousetrap.
The Mousetrap? Yup.
- David.
- Hello, Rachel.
- Morning! - Oooh! Good morning.
What? Where is he? He's on his way down.
He's a bit embarrassed.
He didn't lock the bathroom door.
lt's all right him staying, isn't it? We didn't want to go back to his place.
Why? Does he still live at home? - Er, Danny This is Karen.
- Hi.
Hello.
- Nice house.
- Thanks very much.
Make yourself at home.
Have some breakfast.
There are Coco Pops in the cupboard.
Actually, l think we should be getting to work.
Oh, l meant to give you this.
Ooh.
A train ticket? l was due to go down to London for work but they changed it to up here.
l thought you might enjoy a day out.
- Oh, hang on a minute.
l can't.
- Why not? lt's our wedding anniversary that weekend.
- So? - So, l can't go to London.
- Yeah, you can.
David won't mind.
- No, but l'm taking him on a surprise.
What surprise? l'm taking him to Paris for the weekend.
- But he's taking you to London.
- What? Look, don't tell David l told you this, but this is his present to you.
A train ticket? No, a weekend away! Karen, he hasn't forgotten.
You're supposed to get the train.
As it pulls out of Piccadilly, he appears with a big bottle of champagne and whisks you off to London.
He's got it all planned.
The best hotels, a top-class restaurant, even a West End show.
The Mousetrap.
You want to see The Mousetrap? No, l do not.
Go on.
Aw, and you didn't even have to remind him? No.
Still.
l'd rather go to Paris.
- No.
Karen.
No, l've promised him.
- And l can't make him change his mind.
You can't.
But his boss can.
So, l told Hal you'd talk to Jerry about that.
OK l think that's about it.
Oh, l forgot to give you your ticket.
l'm going somewhere? Paris.
About time you visited the French office.
Oh.
Good idea.
Yeah, it is.
Ooh.
You should do that sometime.
Sorry? Um.
OK.
Well, gotta run.
Catch you later.
Paris.
Great.
Economy? Natalie, it's my wedding anniversary.
(Sighs) Oh, no.
So, l marched straight into her office and l said, ''No way, no way!'' l'm sorry, Natalie lt's out of the question.
- l'll have to go some other time.
- No can do.
Philippe's expecting you.
l wanted the afternoon off.
Take Monday instead.
What difference does a day make? lt's my wedding anniversary.
lt happens once a year.
Not after four marriages.
Look, l'm sorry but your whole itinerary's been planned.
lt's too late to change now.
Sorry, l'm afraid you're going to have to.
This Friday, l shall be leaving at lunch time and not to go to Paris.
David, don't you think that was a little bit hasty? Oh l thought you'd be pleased.
Yeah.
Well, l am.
What do you want the afternoon off for anyway? Oh, l don't know.
lt's our wedding anniversary.
Oh, David, that's really sweet, but you've only been in that job a few days.
l think you should make a good impression.
- Do you? - Mm.
lt's a courtesy visit.
l can go any time.
Besides, l made a stand.
l'm not going to back down now.
- David - No.
Well, good for you.
You never know.
Natalie might be pleased you've made a stand.
Yeah.
By the way, did she enjoy The Mousetrap? Er, yeah.
Yeah, l think so.
Thought she might.
Wouldn't be my cup of tea.
No? Nope.
l'd much rather see Judi Dench's new play.
Judi Dench.
Yeah.
At The Almeida.
(Mouths) How did you sleep? Sleep? Ha! Oh, yeah.
Excuse me, erm.
What time's breakfast? 20 minutes ago.
But there'll be a tea break after the canoeing.
The day started badly and just got worse.
Very amusing, Steven.
Have you seen that train ticket? l think l put it in here.
- But here is for rubbish.
- Yeah, l know.
No.
Today is bin day.
l have thrown him out.
What? Karen? What on earth are you doing? Erm l'm sorting out er the um the recycling.
l'll see you this evening.
- Bye! - Bye.
OK.
Very good, everyone.
Hard luck, Pete.
Nip back to your tent for a change of clothes.
Eh? Nobody said bring a change of clothing.
So, did Pete get off all right? Yeah, he left after work.
He was dreading it.
They've got to sleep in tents.
lt's his idea of hell not being near a toilet.
Poor sod.
That's why he quit the Scouts.
Oh! Those are the replies to your ad.
Yes! Yeah, great.
Yes Maybe No Yeses go first, then l start with the maybes.
What makes a no? Er death threat.
lllegible.
From someone called Nigel.
Sounds like a nice bloke, actually.
But l don't like his photo.
They send photos? Fantastic.
Well, um.
He'd be a Oh.
And she's in the maybe pile.
At the bottom.
l figured, if l got that far, l'd be past caring.
What's your first date look like? Unfortunately, the best letter doesn't have a photo.
So, l had the rather brilliant idea of phoning her when she was at work, so l could listen to her voice.
Make sure she doesn't sound like Janet Street Porter.
ANSWERPHONE: Hello.
This is Callie.
Sorry l'm not in now - Hello.
- Hello? Sorry, the answer machine's on.
Who's that? Oh, um, hi.
l wasn't expecting you to be there.
Er This is Adam Williams.
You replied to an ad l put in the paper.
Ah l know who you are now.
You just wanted to hear what l sound like before you left a message.
- Something like that, yeah.
- (Laughs) Nice.
Very nice.
Good! But that doesn't mean anything, does it? Vanessa Feltz has a nice voice, but you wouldn't want dinner with her.
- Not if you're paying, no.
- No - Surely the rule is, you go Dutch? - Yeah, but it's Lonely Hearts.
- Meeting Place! - Dunno.
Never done it.
l'll find out soon.
l'm meeting her tomorrow.
OK Taramasalata, hummus, half-eaten pork piesome dodgy salad.
Hm.
You fancy eating out? Are you buying? l'm buying.
Let's go.
(Shouting) Bollocks.
- We're being outflanked on the right! - Who cares? When's lunch? (Slow-motion voice) Amy! You saved my life.
Yes.
Look out! Argh! Aaargh! So l'll see you later.
Yeah.
You will.
Piccadilly Station, please.
Taxi! OK, then, Joshy.
We're going to have some lunch.
First let's wash those little hands.
Yeah? OK.
Come on, then.
(Answerphone beeps) Karen, l hope you get this message.
Look, l think you're right.
l don't want to alienate Natalie so soon afterjoining the firm.
Not for an afternoon off.
So, look.
l'm going to Paris.
Erml hope you get this message before you Erm Look, l'll ring later.
TANNO Y: We apologise for the late boarding for the 1 5.
:30 to Euston.
This train is now ready for boarding at platform five.
(French accent) That's £2.
50, please.
You have to pay? ln Economy you do.
At least l've got an empty seat next to me.
Believe me, she's not turning up.
l'll be left here like some sad sales rep bastard, with an expenses account and no-one to spend it on.
JENNY: Just stay there.
Relax.
The shame of it.
Stood up by a woman who can't get a date.
- Well, have a drink.
- l'm having a drink! Have another one.
Give her half an hour then leave.
lt'll be obvious l've been stood up.
Well, l'll come.
Actually, l won't.
l've got a baby.
That's OK.
There's a cloakroom.
Hang on.
This might be her.
She is fit! She's fat? Adam? Be for me.
Be for me.
Be for me.
Be for me Bye.
Thank you.
Rachel! Adam! Admit it.
We're lost.
No, we're not.
The main road is straight ahead.
- We don't want the main road.
- Oh, we do.
Trust me.
Look, why don't you join us? Unless you've got someone to meet.
You don't think l'm having dinner on my own, do you? - Anyone l know? - No.
Can't be the women l walked in on.
There's only a place for one.
(Fake laugh) lt's a blind date, isn't it? - You've answered an ad in a paper.
- What? A Lonely Hearts? - Meeting Place, actually.
No, l haven't.
- You seem to know a lot about it.
Maybe it's his ad.
Oh, my God.
lt is! You've put an ad in How sad! lt's not sad.
l'm just - trying to increase my social circle.
- (Giggling) We'll pretend we don't know you.
l wonder what she looks like.
Probably rather ugly.
You don't know me OK? Sorry.
Been waiting long? Adam? Sorry l'm late.
l couldn't find anywhere to park the Porsche.
Ah! We're supposed to use our initiative, right? Just up here.
Ha-ha! There you go! Come on.
You don't want to spend another night in a tent, do you? Natalie.
lt's David.
l just wanted you to know what a complete washout today has been.
Philippe claimed never to have known l was coming.
So l told him what l thought of that, in no uncertain terms, using a few French words that l thought l'd forgotten, actually.
Anyway, the little frog hopped off, and that was the last l saw of him.
His secretary said we'd meet for dinner, but he's still not shown up.
So, that's it.
l'm coming home.
The most galling side of this, Natalie, is that l do not need to be here.
You knew full well it was my anniversary and l'm afraid l hold you responsible for ruining it.
Frankly, given the contempt that you seem to show for such occasions, it does not surprise me in the least that you're on to your fourth marriage.
But l am surprised you found four men foolish enough to marry you.
Natalie, hi.
lt's Karen.
l just wanted to say thank you very much.
Oh, and er David's very sorry.
He didn't mean it.
Karen May ljoin you for dinner? With Philippe? Happy wedding anniversary, David.
(Laughs) l've only got a tenner on me.
Oh, fear not.
lused to be a scout.
And will that be a reservation for one room or two? Two, please.
We could just have one.
lf you like.
How do you keep up? Computers seem to be obsolete by the time they hit the market.
(Dreamily) What? Bill Gates once said that if cars had developed so fast, you could buy one that does 1 ,000 miles to the gallon and cost $25.
What he didn't say is to turn the headlights on, you got a message through telling you to turn the radio off first.
l don't get it.
Oh, it's a computer thing.
About how you have to close down each programme beforeerm lt doesn't matter.
- You seem a little distracted.
- Distracted Distracted? Me? God, no.
Where am l? Computers.
Brilliant.
Will you stop doing that? Not you, l mean.
Obviously.
Callie.
W-Will you excuse me a minute? Keep your hands to yourselves.
l'm having a conversation.
- Not much of one.
- lt doesn't help, having live sex beside me.
- You don't like her, do you? - Why shouldn't l? Oh, my God.
She's awful! That horrible way she speaks and the flirty way she steals your sushi.
She's fine.
She's great.
And l didn't ask for your opinion.
Stay off computers.
lt's a bit of a turn-off.
Or yours! Ssh! Here she comes.
- You shit! - What? Getting your pals to spy on us.
My friends overheard you talking.
- You invited your friends? - l wouldn't come alone.
You might be a pervert.
But l didn't sit them next to us so they can eavesdrop.
And to think l was going to invite you back for coffee.
Great Thanks.
Thanks a million.
- Wasn't our fault.
- Besides, we did you a favour.
l don't believe she had a Porsche.
l don't complain about your company.
- Meaning what? - Don't tell me you haven't noticed.
- His balls haven't dropped.
- What, you mean he's young? Young? He ordered off the kiddies' menu.
The wine waiter asked for lD.
You can't stand to see me happy.
- You can't stand seeing me with anyone else.
- What crap! l saw you in a threesome! Yeah.
And you wished you were part of it.
Come on.
He's jealous you're with me.
As if! Been there, done that.
Got the scars to prove it.
Together? No We used to be.
Oh, what? The bill? Yeah.
Why not? Bring it over.
Thank you.
Sans soleil La fleur périt Et puis s'évanouit O, quel maleur Les oiseaux chantent des cieux Pour les armoureux Et le vent chuchotte à son tour Et j'entends souffler Des mots d'amour Ce n'est pas adieu Car pour nous deux Je crois au bonheur qui m'enivre Me voilà entre tes bras Au revoir mon coeur How's the baby? Oh, good.
Erm Well, l'll see you tomorrow then, love, OK? Yeah All right.
Will do.
Oh J-Jen? l love you.
Good night, love.
- Everything OK? - Yeah.
Oh, how can heaven hold a place for me When a girl like you has cast a spell on me? O-Oh, how can heaven hold a place for me When a girl like you has cast a spell on me?