Cold Feet (1997) s05e02 Episode Script
Series 5, Episode 2
Ah, finally.
Sorry, swift half after work.
Not that swift.
Well, who drinks halves any more? Now you're here, what do you make of this? ADAM: ls it a thermometer? The reading.
- lt's a little high.
- lt is high, isn't it? Well, a little.
But don't worry, those things are imprecise, the margin of error.
- He could be one notch lower.
- Or one notch higher.
Go to the chemist.
Go on, go and see what he can give us.
l've just got back.
Well, it could be anything.
lt could be cold, it could be fever.
That's what you get when you take a child out without its coat.
Oh.
The chemist's.
Hurry, please.
(Manchester United game on television) (Ringing tone) Pick it up, come on! Giggs again.
He's been brilliant.
ls this the first of the day? (Cries of disappointment) Ryan, youSatan! TV: This week's What The Papers Say is presented by (Door buzzer) (Sighs) - What are you playing at? - Shh! The children are asleep.
- ls this because l'm seeing Mark? - So you no longer deny - you're seeing him? - David, we are getting a divorce.
l can do what l want.
Being married never stopped you.
David, don't use the children.
l want to spend time with them.
You should be happy.
- Mummy? - lt's all right, go back to bed.
Darling.
- l want to go home.
- Yup.
And l'm here to take you, darling - and the girls.
(Door opens) What took you so long? Trying to find a chemist that was open.
l rang your mobile about three times.
You didn't answer.
Well, l couldn't hear it in the pub.
Pub? - Swift half.
- Who drinks halves any more? lt was Man United, pay per view.
What did he give you? - Calpol.
- Where is it? Mm.
Time, ladies and gentlemen.
- What on earth is wrong with you? - l can nip back.
No, don't, he's fine.
But how could you go to a pub? - He's fine? - His temperature's down.
But you weren't to know that.
You thought he was ill.
And still you went to the pub.
Adam, that is not parenting.
That's That's child abuse.
Hang on, hang on.
Nice of you to turn up, because you're never here.
- That's not fair.
- Even when you are, you're off with the fairies.
- You pay no attention to Matthew.
- He's welded to your chest.
- lf l try to pick him up, you snatch him away.
- Because you would drop him.
He's not even ill.
He's fine, and l'm getting grief.
l'm not having this discussion.
We're going to bed.
l take it you'll be sleeping in the nursery.
Yeah.
Yeah, l will.
l want you to take the gloves off.
No concessions.
Don't see why l should support her while she's carrying on with that man.
And l don't want him in the house with my children.
That is easier said than done, Mr Marsden.
The law's clear on these matters.
There's only so much leeway.
Then use it.
And l want the grounds for the divorce to be her adultery.
That's what killed the marriage.
lt would help if you could give me something to build a case.
Her adultery.
No, no.
Something more.
Somethingthat could cast her in an unsympathetic light, perhaps.
What, like her being a recovering alcoholic? Yeah, that would help.
Mr Marsden, judges love that sort of thing.
- No, wait No! - This is dynamite.
- Trust me.
- You're not using that.
l won't let you.
This could get you all you want.
Yeah, but at what cost? l mean, Karen's behaved l'm not going to stoop that low.
You'll just have to make the best case you can.
- This is all your fault, you know.
- What? Rachel and l, we were getting on fine till you came along.
Pardon me for breathing.
l didn't ask to be brought into this world.
- How is it? - Normal.
Not really cut out for parenting, are you? Most marriages that break up do so within a year-and-a-half of a child being born, l read.
You've still got 1 5 months to go.
l am not walking out.
Why don't you? Your job's finished here.
We don't need you any more.
l told you not to put him on the table.
How is he? What? Oh, yeah.
Er he's fine.
Good, good, good.
Cos we don't want you poorly for your naming ceremony, do we? No.
Come on.
Hello, remember me? No, l don't think so.
Oh.
Unlessyou're the one who thinks l look pregnant.
So, the kid you look after's got a lesson? No, tomorrow.
l'm a member now.
Really? So l can look forward to seeing a lot more of you, then? You've seen enough already.
Very nice it is, too.
Hi, Lee.
All right? Listen, you.
l'm not so keen on swimming, you know.
So, to save me coming, doing lots of lengths, why don't you tell me, huh? Are you just a Flirty Gertie type? Like to make eyes at all the ladies? Or would you like to go out for a drink with me some time? l suppose l am a bit of a Flirty Gertie.
But l would love to go out for a drink with you some time.
Have you got him? OK, thanks.
(Doorbell rings) Audrey, can l get you anything? Drink? Cigarette? - Oh, l don't smoke.
- That's not what l heard.
Peter, what have you been saying? Oh, no, Audrey.
Don't worry.
Your secret's safe with me, you little devil.
(Giggles) Aw.
Off you go.
Are we running late? Oh, fashionably.
No, Mark's parking the car.
- Mark? - You know we're seeing each other.
Yes, but, Karen, David's here.
Oh.
Has he brought anyone? - Hi, Rachel.
- Mark, hello.
Come on in.
DAVlD: Joshy, how does it work? Oh, girls.
Don't you look so pretty in your dresses? - Hi.
- Hi.
Right, ermlike a drink? Erjuice? - Great, yeah.
- Thanks.
When Adam and Rachel asked me to be godfather to Matthew, ermthey asked me if l'd say a few words at the naming ceremony.
Erm something that in the years to come the little fellow might remember.
Now, l was going to read the Manchester United team sheet the day that he was born.
(Chuckles) l'm glad l didn't.
l couldn't decide what to do, but then it came to me.
What, if anything - say, if my house was on fire, would l want to save? Now, Adam read some words at my son's christening, written by my dear dad, about being a father.
(Reads) lnevitably, parents love their children more than their children love them.
A father looks at his son and sees part of himself.
They say be careful what you wish for.
My wish for my son was that he grew up independent of mind and strong of will.
l know that Pete will be a good father.
l've seen the way he looks at his son .
.
with love, a love that only a father can recognise, and which l recognise because it's how l look at Pete.
PETE: Until you have a child, you won't know how true these words are.
And Adam knows.
No, l don't.
l'm sorry, l've tried.
l really have.
l just don't feel it.
Pete.
(Door shuts) Maybe the United team would have gone down better.
Well, l liked it.
ErmKaren, l'm taking the children home with me.
What? No, you're not.
You'll see them on Wednesday.
l'll have them then, as well.
l think l'll pop outside and have a fag.
Yes, why don't you? Not the time or the place.
What? For rubbing my nose in it? And another thing, l don't want him in the house - when the children are there.
- You can't dictate that.
- lt's upsetting Josh.
- No.
What's upsetting Josh is you using him as a pawn.
He told me he didn't want to go to your flat any more.
Oh, don't talk rubbish.
l'm going to withdraw my petition.
l'll allow you to divorce me.
But it's not in the children's best interests to be split between two homes.
l will instruct my lawyer to seek a residence order on my behalf.
You will, of course, have visiting rights unless you abuse them.
l feel like l'm being pushed out.
l feel like you don't need me any more.
l feel like l'm whingeing.
No, Adam.
This is important.
At first it was just the two of us.
Then l thought it would be the three of us, a family.
That's what l've always wanted.
lnstead it feels like l'm superfluous.
You've got Matthew, and you don't need me.
- Adam, that's not true.
- You don't touch me any more.
And you don't want me to touch him.
Sorry, it's just Oh, Adam.
l did something terrible.
What? l took my eye off him.
l went into the kitchen.
l put him on the kitchen table.
Hang on.
You don't let me put him on the table.
l know, but l did and the phone rang and it was you from the office, bored.
Well (Phone rings) l turned around and Too late.
(Phone rings) No.
(Laughs) Adam, it's not funny.
No, l'm sure it wasn't, but l can just see your face.
lt'sjust that Are you all right? .
.
it was so hard to have him.
Thank God.
And then the birth.
l'm just worried the whole time that at any moment something might take him away from me.
Nothing's going to happen.
Christ, you dropped him on his face and that didn't hurt.
He's tough.
He's had to be to get this far.
l just wish l felt something for him.
Right, time l packed.
Audrey, you don't have to go.
l want tonow that they've said they'll have me back.
Besides, you two need to start your married life.
Look .
.
maybe we should start again, hey? We haven't done too well so far.
No, and erl think l'm more to blame than you.
Eractually, you're supposed to disagree with me there.
l need to feel like l'm your wife, Pete.
Not competing with Jenny, not a lodger with voting rights, but an equal partner.
You are.
And there's no reason why you should think otherwise, OK? Right.
Maybe l should sleep on the left-hand side tonight.
Present for you.
From Matthew.
l think it's going to take more than presents.
lt's a breast pump.
How is this for me, exactly? How's it going? lt's nice.
Breastfeeding's nice.
Wait till he gets teeth.
(Phone rings) - Hello.
- Peter, l was wondering if you could get me some more of that stuff.
Have you smoked it all already? Well, me and a few friends.
(Laughs) RADlO: Dry with bright and sunny spells.
Top temperature 1 8C - that's 64F.
PRESENTER: lt's 8.
:1 5 and l've received a letter.
Yes.
A letter.
Not an e-mail or a fax.
- Do we have to listen to this? - What's wrong with Radio 2? l'd tell you, but l've got to be at work in an hour.
Come on, girls, eat your breakfast.
(Doorbell rings) - Can you get that, Ramona? Why? lt will no be for me.
Hey, it's for me! (Reads) My client Mr Marsden will strenuously resist any attempts to limit access to his children.
A financial settlement still has to be agreed.
To facilitate this, l will require evidence of Mrs Marsden's outgoings and expenditures.
(Reads) Dear Mr Marsden, you have been personally selected to receive this limited offer of the Excelsior Platinum Card.
- Can l take the car today? - No, you're a fitness instructor.
- Can't you walk? - You're a fat bastard.
Can't you? (Reads) Jazz up your mobile with one of our funky ring tones.
Will you remember to take that video back today? - Yeah.
- Cos you forgot yesterday.
- l had a lot on.
- Hmm.
Yeah, right.
- Yours.
- Thank you.
Bye.
Bye.
RACHEL: Bye! (Reads) Looking for love orjust wanting company? Our relaxed dinner parties are the perfect setting for making new friends and maybe meeting that special mate.
.
.
for making new friends and maybe meeting that special mate.
To expedite your application for settlement on the basis of marriage, we require you and your husband to attend an interview, bringing with you documentary evidence of residence and cohabitation.
What does all that mean? l think it means they suspect our marriage is a sham.
(Laughs) (Reads) Ramona, thanks for our drink.
Here's a small gift.
l saw it and just thought how perfect it would look on you.
Hope to see you soon, Lee.
Hello, Hallam Advertising.
Yes.
Just one moment, l'll put you through.
l don't see what the problem is.
Could you hold on a sec? - Hi.
- Hi.
- Won't be a minute.
- Oh, OK.
Hi.
Look l thought we'd agreed on a format.
- Howard, l put a lot of time and effort into this.
- ls that Howard Trigg? - Where do you want to go from here? - Can l say hello? OK.
Sure.
First thing.
- God! Clients.
- What's the matter with him? Hello.
Oh, nothing.
He won't sign off on the ad.
l don't know why.
This is excellent.
What does the research say? Sohow are you keeping? You're looking well.
- Does it work for the target audience? - Yes.
Yes, it does.
Yes.
Right, l'll call him.
Rachel Who's managing this account? Sorry.
You are.
Until l get back.
But Howard Trigg needs to be told.
You're on maternity leave.
You lucky cow.
Yeah, l am lucky.
l am lucky, aren't l? He's lovely.
He's gorgeous.
Bastards! Yeah.
- Who? - Management.
- What have they done? - You haven't heard? - No.
- Then you're one of the lucky ones.
They've only gone and fired me.
- No.
- Well Technically no, made me redundant.
But it's the same difference.
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.
That came in the post this morning.
A few of the lads have got them.
So you didn't, eh? No.
(Groans) And l'm waiting to hear from your wife's solicitor regarding her annual expenditure.
Still totting it up, are they? She's probably burnt out five calculators already.
l'm getting a valuation on all our assets.
My assets.
(Sighs) What progress with the children? None at the moment.
Your wife insists that after the divorce they live solely with her.
Until then, they can still spend one night a week at your apartment.
Why can't they after our divorce? Your wife maintains that long term it would be disruptive.
- What? - A judge may sympathise.
- You will have visiting rights.
- No, no, no.
That's not good enough.
Proper access.
OK? l want to be a father to my children, not just take them to McDonald's once a month.
l will do all l can.
Whatever it takes, Robyn, l mean it.
Really? So l can use your wife's history of drinking? Let's hope it doesn't come to that.
ls that everything? Yes, l think it is.
- You spend 30 quid a month on hair? - Oh, here we go.
lt doesn't seem very much, that's all.
Well, £45 on a cut.
But l don't have it done that often.
Yeah, but there's got to be extras like tinting and highlights, and crimping and stuff.
Yep.
- You have to put these things down.
- Well, it doesn't amount to much.
l don't think you're understanding the concept of this.
You see, you, saydemand a Porsche.
They think that's unreasonable, they knock you back, you settle for a BMW.
lf you start off by asking for a Renault, you'll probably wind up with a Robin Reliant.
- l drive an Audi.
- Mummy, l'm hungry.
All right, Josh, darling.
l'm coming.
You know what? l'm not going to start playing games.
l'm going to ask for what l need.
- David's not unreasonable.
(Doorbell rings) Here.
Will you give the kids their tea? - Can't l answer the door instead? - You only have to serve it up.
Please? l want my tea.
Now! - Mrs Marsden? - Yeah.
Dennis Fowler.
Arbuthnot and Pease.
l'm here to value your house.
- l'm sorry? - Your house.
A valuation was requested by um .
.
Mr David Marsden.
Sowhat does the evening hold for a busy lawyer about town? Nothing glamorous, l'm afraid.
Probably a hot bath and a glass of wine, l should think.
- How about you? - Oh.
Something similar.
Join me? l meant for a glass of wine.
Unless that's considered unprofessional.
A hot bath might be, but l think a glass of wine's safe enough.
Yeah, great.
- Give me two minutes.
- l'll be here.
Look, madam, it's not my fault your husband didn't tell you.
- Well, you're not coming in.
- l don't want to come back.
Good! Because l don't want you coming back! Right.
He wants to play games.
How much did l say for a haircut? 50 quid.
Make it 60.
l'll have to take the morning off.
- Hardly, our interview's at 9:00am.
- But work don't need to know that.
What's the kind of thing they're looking for? Evidence that our relationship's for real, l guess.
Marriage certificate.
That's easy.
Unless it's been stamped, ''This was not a sham,'' then l don't think that will be enough.
Something that shows we're living together as husband and wife.
- Like a gas bill.
- lt's in my name.
Uh A mortgage? l'd better get that changed.
Look.
lt's the wage slave.
Yeah, it is.
- Hi.
- Hello.
You're late.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Leaving drink after work.
Oh, right.
Whose? (Sighs) Right.
Look.
What do you think will convince them that our wedding was for real? Having been there.
Sit yourself down.
60 guests on the shores of Sydney Harbour.
- A string quartet, a motorboat.
- Our wedding video.
- l'm way ahead of you, kid.
- Genius.
Ha-ha.
- l think you put the wrong tape in.
- Oh, what? That's last night's football.
We don't have a spare copy, do we? Jesus, Pete! Don't worry, it'll be fine.
Everything'll be all right.
No, l'm upset about the video.
Oh, that? Yeah, sorry.
- Laid off? - Well, they prefer ''retrenched''.
But, yeah.
Did you get a handshake? - Yes.
- How much? No.
l got a handshake.
l mean, they're going to pay out my notice and l don't have to go in again, but that's it.
Well, that's not so bad.
A month's grace.
Fortnight.
Oh.
l've never been laid off before.
- l'm sorry, sweetheart.
lt must be horrible.
- lt's never happened to you? God, no.
No, l mean it could.
- lt could happen to anyone.
- Losers.
Anyone.
Come on.
Losers are the ones that don't get other jobs.
l made a few calls round this afternoon while l could still dial out.
Sorry, Adam, we're not taking anyone on at the moment.
Nothing here, l'm afraid.
Sorry.
Adam, l was about to ring you to find out if there's any jobs going at your place.
- Shit.
- Look, it's not my fault.
What's that supposed to mean? Well, why did they pick you and not someone else? - They laid off half the department.
- So half stayed? - l was senior, paid more than most.
- You're not now.
Ha-ha! Sorry, l'm just a bit upset.
- My maternity pay's only half my salary.
- l know.
- And soon you'll get nothing.
- We've already established that! Well, we are going to struggle, Adam.
Rachel.
We're going to starve.
- Three things that really irritate you.
- Three things that irritate me? Um l don't know.
How about you? People who dodge the question.
OK.
Um Er Taxi drivers who stop at the lights and read the paper.
That's one.
Andthree putting when you get to the green in two.
- Very annoying.
- Yes.
Very annoying.
AnderCoronation Street.
- Your turn.
- Well Coronation Street.
People who treat life like it's a rehearsal.
That's a bit heavy.
- The Times crossword.
- l try doing that.
lt drives me crazy.
l got stuck on a clue today.
Perhaps you can help me.
lt was, ''Jack leaves meeting oozing smarm''.
Unction.
Unction.
Of course.
Yes.
You're too bright.
Well, my colleague Nigel is.
Cheek.
So What? lt's just that we've drunk a bottle of wine together and we haven't once mentioned work.
Surprised that l have a life outside of your divorce? Are you surprised l do? Why don't we get something to eat? Mm.
Good idea.
Thank you.
That was lovely.
Sowhy don't you come back to mine, then? lt's getting late.
That's all right.
You can sleep over.
- l don't think so.
- Give me one good reason why not.
l can give you three.
Ramona's there, they'll be asleep.
- And in the morning? - Well, she'll still be there.
Yeah, but l'm their mother.
Yeah.
Right.
So why don't we go back to yours, then? One day l would love you to, but l still think it's too soon.
Why? God, l can tell you don't have children.
At the moment you're ''Mummy's friend''.
lf you stay over, have breakfast, they'll start thinking of you as their new dad.
- Ah - Mm.
Yeah.
l could be gone before breakfast, then.
Let's not run before we can walk.
No.
Quite right.
Course not.
- What a good place.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Quite a Quite a young crowd.
David - Forget it.
Nothing.
- No, what? Would youlike to come back for coffee? That's very kind, but unless you have decaf, l'll be up all night.
l don't have coffee.
Oh Gosh.
Yeah.
So glad you take your work home with you.
- That seems like everything.
- We'll have the rent next month.
Yeah, pal.
- Are you another bailiff? - Social Services.
l've come for the child.
- Adam.
- Huh? - l think l should go back to work.
- What? lt's pointless us both being at home, especially when l've got a job waiting.
- You're on maternity leave.
- l'm sure they'll take me back.
So we'll leave Matthew with a childminder? No? What would be the point of that? You'd look after him.
Me? l'm supposed to be looking for work.
lt's humiliating enough being unemployed without becoming a househusband.
You're not going to be a househusband.
l wouldn't want you to be.
- Not very sexy, is it? - No.
You'd be having a career break, staying at home temporarily until you sort your options out.
Hmm.
- That doesn't sound too bad.
- No.
Won't you miss him? l'll go in late and come home early.
Thank God you work in advertising.
Mindless.
- Pete, l'm nervous.
- There's no need to be.
Our marriage is for real.
This is just a formality, that's all.
What's my favourite song? lt's an immigration interview, not a pub quiz.
Relax, will you? Mrs Joanne Gifford.
Oh, God.
Sorry, that's me.
l don't use my married name.
Mr Peter Gifford.
JO: Can l just say something up front? We don't have any documentary evidence of cohabitation, no official letters with my name on.
Except for the one that you sent us, which probably doesn't count, does it? PETE: We were going to bring in our wedding video.
- But he recorded over it.
- Football.
After you.
Right.
Come on.
Come on.
Up and at 'em.
Oh.
Whoa.
What time is it? 9:30.
l'm unemployed.
My day doesn't start until 1 1 :00.
Mine does.
l've been onto my boss.
They're keen to have me back.
- They want to know when l can start.
- What did you say? l said it depends on the traffic.
Have you seen the car keys? You're going in today? l thought l was going to have a lie-in.
You have.
Are you going to see me off, then? Peter Algernon Gifford.
Algernon was his father's name.
Stella.
Stella.
Not married any more.
Divorced.
Lives in Miami.
Don't know the address.
April 1 2th, 1 967.
Crap at birthdays.
Erm But l do know that Jo's is June 1 8th.
He's got singing today.
The directions are on the fridge.
l've made you up some bottles.
l didn't do any lunch.
Get some jars.
His favourite's chicken.
And we need some new nappies.
l'll ring you from work cos we need a lot of things.
You'll enjoy spending some time together.
We're looking forward to it.
Bye, little one.
- Rach.
- Yeah? Thank you.
Go.
So.
Your mother says you're a singer.
Her favourite song.
Bohemian Rhapsody.
Crap.
Er She likes a lot of songs.
Film? ErEscape To Victory.
Bravo Two Zero.
His taste sucks, doesn't it? - Let's move on.
- No, hang on, l want to get this one.
- l've lots of other questions.
- Something, by the Beatles.
- Anything in particular? - No, Something.
- Can you be more specific? - That's the title of the bloody song.
Something.
l'm sorry.
This must be it, son.
(Mobile rings) Hello.
Hi, it's only me.
l was just wondering.
ls everything all right? - Since you called five minutes ago? - lt was more like ten.
Everything's fine.
We're just off to the bookies.
Joking.
Get back to your job - like a good working mother.
- Yes.
OK, OK.
Bye.
(Phone rings) - Hello, Rachel Bradley.
- And stop staring at his photo.
l am not staring.
Bye.
Tell me about how you two met.
That one's easy.
She was my lodger.
l'd lost my job.
And my flat.
And Pete had a spare room.
- Nothing happened at first.
- We justclicked.
l fancied her.
But you would, wouldn't you? l wasn't sure if she fancied me.
He wasn't as good-looking as a lot of my other boyfriends, but umhe made me laugh.
- Her visa ran out.
- l went home.
That was that.
Then a mutual friend told me she really liked me.
So l hopped a plane to Oz.
And he turned up on my doorstep.
- We fell in love.
- She proposed to me.
- And here we are.
- So you proposed to him? This occurred shortly after her visa had run out? Well, yeah, but that's got nothing to do with it.
Mr Marsden, thanks for coming in.
Would you like coffee? - No, l'm fine, thank you.
- Thanks, Martin.
That'll be all.
Your wife's estimate of her annual outgoings and expenditure.
Her solicitor faxed it over this morning.
Yes.
Erm Look, about last night £700 to get her hair done? Yes.
That's not so outrageous, but some of it is.
Bikini waxing? Why should l Flowers? What the hell is ''Pilates''? She's taking the piss.
l'll soon put a stop to that.
She sent the house valuers packing.
You were going to say something about last night.
Yes.
Well Obviously bad idea.
Unprofessional.
Shouldn't happen again.
Wouldn't you agree? Of course.
ln fact, if you'd like me to resign No, no.
Far from it.
Far from it.
(Mobile rings) Martin.
No, l'm on my way to court.
Emergency injunction application.
l'll be in tomorrow.
Hi, Sally.
l'm going to be out of the office all afternoon.
Yeah.
Client reappraisal.
Hiya.
l'm Adam.
Helen.
l'm a nanny.
l thought maybe she was yours.
- This is Caroline.
She's a nanny too.
- Hi.
Oh, l see.
Am l sitting on the nanny side of the room? Yeah, but that's OK.
WOMAN: Shall we get started, then? - What? - That seemed to go all right.
- Piece of piss.
- l nearly forgot your favourite song.
- Something? - That's what l said.
- Lady Madonna, Pete.
Oh.
Still.
Down by the river where the green grass grows There sits David, washing his clothes He sings, he sings, a song so sweet Calling to his playmates up and down the street Matthew, Matthew, won't you come to tea? Come next Saturday at half past three Teacakes and pancakes and everything, we'll see Oh, won't you have a lovely time at half past three? And moving on.
Down by the river where the green grass grows There sits ErAdam.
Ermno.
What you do here is you sing the baby's name.
Oh, right.
Sorry.
Matthew Washing his clothes He sings, he sings, a song so sweet Calling to his playmates up and down the street Matthew, Matthew No.
What you do there is sing the name of the next child.
Caitlin.
Caitlin.
Oh, right.
Sorry.
OK.
OK.
Let's go back to the beginning.
Two, three, four Down by the river where the green grass grows There sits Adam.
Matthew.
Caitlin.
Shite.
Or maybe move on.
Down by the river where the green grass grows Sorry about that.
What a nightmare.
Never again.
l promise.
Never again.
- Your first time, isn't it? - You could tell? Oh, yeah.
l'm Sean.
- Adam.
- Yeah, l remember from Ah.
Oh, well, it's nice to meet one of my own.
So erwhat do you make of all this? lt's a load of old bollocks, isn't it? - How do you mean? - Our kids can't even sit up, never mind sing along.
l don't agree with that.
Babies are very suggestible.
Helps them develop a sense of rhythm.
Besides, it's fun, isn't it? Tallulah loves it.
- See you.
- See you.
Tallulah.
Great name.
Wanker.
Sorry, swift half after work.
Not that swift.
Well, who drinks halves any more? Now you're here, what do you make of this? ADAM: ls it a thermometer? The reading.
- lt's a little high.
- lt is high, isn't it? Well, a little.
But don't worry, those things are imprecise, the margin of error.
- He could be one notch lower.
- Or one notch higher.
Go to the chemist.
Go on, go and see what he can give us.
l've just got back.
Well, it could be anything.
lt could be cold, it could be fever.
That's what you get when you take a child out without its coat.
Oh.
The chemist's.
Hurry, please.
(Manchester United game on television) (Ringing tone) Pick it up, come on! Giggs again.
He's been brilliant.
ls this the first of the day? (Cries of disappointment) Ryan, youSatan! TV: This week's What The Papers Say is presented by (Door buzzer) (Sighs) - What are you playing at? - Shh! The children are asleep.
- ls this because l'm seeing Mark? - So you no longer deny - you're seeing him? - David, we are getting a divorce.
l can do what l want.
Being married never stopped you.
David, don't use the children.
l want to spend time with them.
You should be happy.
- Mummy? - lt's all right, go back to bed.
Darling.
- l want to go home.
- Yup.
And l'm here to take you, darling - and the girls.
(Door opens) What took you so long? Trying to find a chemist that was open.
l rang your mobile about three times.
You didn't answer.
Well, l couldn't hear it in the pub.
Pub? - Swift half.
- Who drinks halves any more? lt was Man United, pay per view.
What did he give you? - Calpol.
- Where is it? Mm.
Time, ladies and gentlemen.
- What on earth is wrong with you? - l can nip back.
No, don't, he's fine.
But how could you go to a pub? - He's fine? - His temperature's down.
But you weren't to know that.
You thought he was ill.
And still you went to the pub.
Adam, that is not parenting.
That's That's child abuse.
Hang on, hang on.
Nice of you to turn up, because you're never here.
- That's not fair.
- Even when you are, you're off with the fairies.
- You pay no attention to Matthew.
- He's welded to your chest.
- lf l try to pick him up, you snatch him away.
- Because you would drop him.
He's not even ill.
He's fine, and l'm getting grief.
l'm not having this discussion.
We're going to bed.
l take it you'll be sleeping in the nursery.
Yeah.
Yeah, l will.
l want you to take the gloves off.
No concessions.
Don't see why l should support her while she's carrying on with that man.
And l don't want him in the house with my children.
That is easier said than done, Mr Marsden.
The law's clear on these matters.
There's only so much leeway.
Then use it.
And l want the grounds for the divorce to be her adultery.
That's what killed the marriage.
lt would help if you could give me something to build a case.
Her adultery.
No, no.
Something more.
Somethingthat could cast her in an unsympathetic light, perhaps.
What, like her being a recovering alcoholic? Yeah, that would help.
Mr Marsden, judges love that sort of thing.
- No, wait No! - This is dynamite.
- Trust me.
- You're not using that.
l won't let you.
This could get you all you want.
Yeah, but at what cost? l mean, Karen's behaved l'm not going to stoop that low.
You'll just have to make the best case you can.
- This is all your fault, you know.
- What? Rachel and l, we were getting on fine till you came along.
Pardon me for breathing.
l didn't ask to be brought into this world.
- How is it? - Normal.
Not really cut out for parenting, are you? Most marriages that break up do so within a year-and-a-half of a child being born, l read.
You've still got 1 5 months to go.
l am not walking out.
Why don't you? Your job's finished here.
We don't need you any more.
l told you not to put him on the table.
How is he? What? Oh, yeah.
Er he's fine.
Good, good, good.
Cos we don't want you poorly for your naming ceremony, do we? No.
Come on.
Hello, remember me? No, l don't think so.
Oh.
Unlessyou're the one who thinks l look pregnant.
So, the kid you look after's got a lesson? No, tomorrow.
l'm a member now.
Really? So l can look forward to seeing a lot more of you, then? You've seen enough already.
Very nice it is, too.
Hi, Lee.
All right? Listen, you.
l'm not so keen on swimming, you know.
So, to save me coming, doing lots of lengths, why don't you tell me, huh? Are you just a Flirty Gertie type? Like to make eyes at all the ladies? Or would you like to go out for a drink with me some time? l suppose l am a bit of a Flirty Gertie.
But l would love to go out for a drink with you some time.
Have you got him? OK, thanks.
(Doorbell rings) Audrey, can l get you anything? Drink? Cigarette? - Oh, l don't smoke.
- That's not what l heard.
Peter, what have you been saying? Oh, no, Audrey.
Don't worry.
Your secret's safe with me, you little devil.
(Giggles) Aw.
Off you go.
Are we running late? Oh, fashionably.
No, Mark's parking the car.
- Mark? - You know we're seeing each other.
Yes, but, Karen, David's here.
Oh.
Has he brought anyone? - Hi, Rachel.
- Mark, hello.
Come on in.
DAVlD: Joshy, how does it work? Oh, girls.
Don't you look so pretty in your dresses? - Hi.
- Hi.
Right, ermlike a drink? Erjuice? - Great, yeah.
- Thanks.
When Adam and Rachel asked me to be godfather to Matthew, ermthey asked me if l'd say a few words at the naming ceremony.
Erm something that in the years to come the little fellow might remember.
Now, l was going to read the Manchester United team sheet the day that he was born.
(Chuckles) l'm glad l didn't.
l couldn't decide what to do, but then it came to me.
What, if anything - say, if my house was on fire, would l want to save? Now, Adam read some words at my son's christening, written by my dear dad, about being a father.
(Reads) lnevitably, parents love their children more than their children love them.
A father looks at his son and sees part of himself.
They say be careful what you wish for.
My wish for my son was that he grew up independent of mind and strong of will.
l know that Pete will be a good father.
l've seen the way he looks at his son .
.
with love, a love that only a father can recognise, and which l recognise because it's how l look at Pete.
PETE: Until you have a child, you won't know how true these words are.
And Adam knows.
No, l don't.
l'm sorry, l've tried.
l really have.
l just don't feel it.
Pete.
(Door shuts) Maybe the United team would have gone down better.
Well, l liked it.
ErmKaren, l'm taking the children home with me.
What? No, you're not.
You'll see them on Wednesday.
l'll have them then, as well.
l think l'll pop outside and have a fag.
Yes, why don't you? Not the time or the place.
What? For rubbing my nose in it? And another thing, l don't want him in the house - when the children are there.
- You can't dictate that.
- lt's upsetting Josh.
- No.
What's upsetting Josh is you using him as a pawn.
He told me he didn't want to go to your flat any more.
Oh, don't talk rubbish.
l'm going to withdraw my petition.
l'll allow you to divorce me.
But it's not in the children's best interests to be split between two homes.
l will instruct my lawyer to seek a residence order on my behalf.
You will, of course, have visiting rights unless you abuse them.
l feel like l'm being pushed out.
l feel like you don't need me any more.
l feel like l'm whingeing.
No, Adam.
This is important.
At first it was just the two of us.
Then l thought it would be the three of us, a family.
That's what l've always wanted.
lnstead it feels like l'm superfluous.
You've got Matthew, and you don't need me.
- Adam, that's not true.
- You don't touch me any more.
And you don't want me to touch him.
Sorry, it's just Oh, Adam.
l did something terrible.
What? l took my eye off him.
l went into the kitchen.
l put him on the kitchen table.
Hang on.
You don't let me put him on the table.
l know, but l did and the phone rang and it was you from the office, bored.
Well (Phone rings) l turned around and Too late.
(Phone rings) No.
(Laughs) Adam, it's not funny.
No, l'm sure it wasn't, but l can just see your face.
lt'sjust that Are you all right? .
.
it was so hard to have him.
Thank God.
And then the birth.
l'm just worried the whole time that at any moment something might take him away from me.
Nothing's going to happen.
Christ, you dropped him on his face and that didn't hurt.
He's tough.
He's had to be to get this far.
l just wish l felt something for him.
Right, time l packed.
Audrey, you don't have to go.
l want tonow that they've said they'll have me back.
Besides, you two need to start your married life.
Look .
.
maybe we should start again, hey? We haven't done too well so far.
No, and erl think l'm more to blame than you.
Eractually, you're supposed to disagree with me there.
l need to feel like l'm your wife, Pete.
Not competing with Jenny, not a lodger with voting rights, but an equal partner.
You are.
And there's no reason why you should think otherwise, OK? Right.
Maybe l should sleep on the left-hand side tonight.
Present for you.
From Matthew.
l think it's going to take more than presents.
lt's a breast pump.
How is this for me, exactly? How's it going? lt's nice.
Breastfeeding's nice.
Wait till he gets teeth.
(Phone rings) - Hello.
- Peter, l was wondering if you could get me some more of that stuff.
Have you smoked it all already? Well, me and a few friends.
(Laughs) RADlO: Dry with bright and sunny spells.
Top temperature 1 8C - that's 64F.
PRESENTER: lt's 8.
:1 5 and l've received a letter.
Yes.
A letter.
Not an e-mail or a fax.
- Do we have to listen to this? - What's wrong with Radio 2? l'd tell you, but l've got to be at work in an hour.
Come on, girls, eat your breakfast.
(Doorbell rings) - Can you get that, Ramona? Why? lt will no be for me.
Hey, it's for me! (Reads) My client Mr Marsden will strenuously resist any attempts to limit access to his children.
A financial settlement still has to be agreed.
To facilitate this, l will require evidence of Mrs Marsden's outgoings and expenditures.
(Reads) Dear Mr Marsden, you have been personally selected to receive this limited offer of the Excelsior Platinum Card.
- Can l take the car today? - No, you're a fitness instructor.
- Can't you walk? - You're a fat bastard.
Can't you? (Reads) Jazz up your mobile with one of our funky ring tones.
Will you remember to take that video back today? - Yeah.
- Cos you forgot yesterday.
- l had a lot on.
- Hmm.
Yeah, right.
- Yours.
- Thank you.
Bye.
Bye.
RACHEL: Bye! (Reads) Looking for love orjust wanting company? Our relaxed dinner parties are the perfect setting for making new friends and maybe meeting that special mate.
.
.
for making new friends and maybe meeting that special mate.
To expedite your application for settlement on the basis of marriage, we require you and your husband to attend an interview, bringing with you documentary evidence of residence and cohabitation.
What does all that mean? l think it means they suspect our marriage is a sham.
(Laughs) (Reads) Ramona, thanks for our drink.
Here's a small gift.
l saw it and just thought how perfect it would look on you.
Hope to see you soon, Lee.
Hello, Hallam Advertising.
Yes.
Just one moment, l'll put you through.
l don't see what the problem is.
Could you hold on a sec? - Hi.
- Hi.
- Won't be a minute.
- Oh, OK.
Hi.
Look l thought we'd agreed on a format.
- Howard, l put a lot of time and effort into this.
- ls that Howard Trigg? - Where do you want to go from here? - Can l say hello? OK.
Sure.
First thing.
- God! Clients.
- What's the matter with him? Hello.
Oh, nothing.
He won't sign off on the ad.
l don't know why.
This is excellent.
What does the research say? Sohow are you keeping? You're looking well.
- Does it work for the target audience? - Yes.
Yes, it does.
Yes.
Right, l'll call him.
Rachel Who's managing this account? Sorry.
You are.
Until l get back.
But Howard Trigg needs to be told.
You're on maternity leave.
You lucky cow.
Yeah, l am lucky.
l am lucky, aren't l? He's lovely.
He's gorgeous.
Bastards! Yeah.
- Who? - Management.
- What have they done? - You haven't heard? - No.
- Then you're one of the lucky ones.
They've only gone and fired me.
- No.
- Well Technically no, made me redundant.
But it's the same difference.
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.
That came in the post this morning.
A few of the lads have got them.
So you didn't, eh? No.
(Groans) And l'm waiting to hear from your wife's solicitor regarding her annual expenditure.
Still totting it up, are they? She's probably burnt out five calculators already.
l'm getting a valuation on all our assets.
My assets.
(Sighs) What progress with the children? None at the moment.
Your wife insists that after the divorce they live solely with her.
Until then, they can still spend one night a week at your apartment.
Why can't they after our divorce? Your wife maintains that long term it would be disruptive.
- What? - A judge may sympathise.
- You will have visiting rights.
- No, no, no.
That's not good enough.
Proper access.
OK? l want to be a father to my children, not just take them to McDonald's once a month.
l will do all l can.
Whatever it takes, Robyn, l mean it.
Really? So l can use your wife's history of drinking? Let's hope it doesn't come to that.
ls that everything? Yes, l think it is.
- You spend 30 quid a month on hair? - Oh, here we go.
lt doesn't seem very much, that's all.
Well, £45 on a cut.
But l don't have it done that often.
Yeah, but there's got to be extras like tinting and highlights, and crimping and stuff.
Yep.
- You have to put these things down.
- Well, it doesn't amount to much.
l don't think you're understanding the concept of this.
You see, you, saydemand a Porsche.
They think that's unreasonable, they knock you back, you settle for a BMW.
lf you start off by asking for a Renault, you'll probably wind up with a Robin Reliant.
- l drive an Audi.
- Mummy, l'm hungry.
All right, Josh, darling.
l'm coming.
You know what? l'm not going to start playing games.
l'm going to ask for what l need.
- David's not unreasonable.
(Doorbell rings) Here.
Will you give the kids their tea? - Can't l answer the door instead? - You only have to serve it up.
Please? l want my tea.
Now! - Mrs Marsden? - Yeah.
Dennis Fowler.
Arbuthnot and Pease.
l'm here to value your house.
- l'm sorry? - Your house.
A valuation was requested by um .
.
Mr David Marsden.
Sowhat does the evening hold for a busy lawyer about town? Nothing glamorous, l'm afraid.
Probably a hot bath and a glass of wine, l should think.
- How about you? - Oh.
Something similar.
Join me? l meant for a glass of wine.
Unless that's considered unprofessional.
A hot bath might be, but l think a glass of wine's safe enough.
Yeah, great.
- Give me two minutes.
- l'll be here.
Look, madam, it's not my fault your husband didn't tell you.
- Well, you're not coming in.
- l don't want to come back.
Good! Because l don't want you coming back! Right.
He wants to play games.
How much did l say for a haircut? 50 quid.
Make it 60.
l'll have to take the morning off.
- Hardly, our interview's at 9:00am.
- But work don't need to know that.
What's the kind of thing they're looking for? Evidence that our relationship's for real, l guess.
Marriage certificate.
That's easy.
Unless it's been stamped, ''This was not a sham,'' then l don't think that will be enough.
Something that shows we're living together as husband and wife.
- Like a gas bill.
- lt's in my name.
Uh A mortgage? l'd better get that changed.
Look.
lt's the wage slave.
Yeah, it is.
- Hi.
- Hello.
You're late.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Leaving drink after work.
Oh, right.
Whose? (Sighs) Right.
Look.
What do you think will convince them that our wedding was for real? Having been there.
Sit yourself down.
60 guests on the shores of Sydney Harbour.
- A string quartet, a motorboat.
- Our wedding video.
- l'm way ahead of you, kid.
- Genius.
Ha-ha.
- l think you put the wrong tape in.
- Oh, what? That's last night's football.
We don't have a spare copy, do we? Jesus, Pete! Don't worry, it'll be fine.
Everything'll be all right.
No, l'm upset about the video.
Oh, that? Yeah, sorry.
- Laid off? - Well, they prefer ''retrenched''.
But, yeah.
Did you get a handshake? - Yes.
- How much? No.
l got a handshake.
l mean, they're going to pay out my notice and l don't have to go in again, but that's it.
Well, that's not so bad.
A month's grace.
Fortnight.
Oh.
l've never been laid off before.
- l'm sorry, sweetheart.
lt must be horrible.
- lt's never happened to you? God, no.
No, l mean it could.
- lt could happen to anyone.
- Losers.
Anyone.
Come on.
Losers are the ones that don't get other jobs.
l made a few calls round this afternoon while l could still dial out.
Sorry, Adam, we're not taking anyone on at the moment.
Nothing here, l'm afraid.
Sorry.
Adam, l was about to ring you to find out if there's any jobs going at your place.
- Shit.
- Look, it's not my fault.
What's that supposed to mean? Well, why did they pick you and not someone else? - They laid off half the department.
- So half stayed? - l was senior, paid more than most.
- You're not now.
Ha-ha! Sorry, l'm just a bit upset.
- My maternity pay's only half my salary.
- l know.
- And soon you'll get nothing.
- We've already established that! Well, we are going to struggle, Adam.
Rachel.
We're going to starve.
- Three things that really irritate you.
- Three things that irritate me? Um l don't know.
How about you? People who dodge the question.
OK.
Um Er Taxi drivers who stop at the lights and read the paper.
That's one.
Andthree putting when you get to the green in two.
- Very annoying.
- Yes.
Very annoying.
AnderCoronation Street.
- Your turn.
- Well Coronation Street.
People who treat life like it's a rehearsal.
That's a bit heavy.
- The Times crossword.
- l try doing that.
lt drives me crazy.
l got stuck on a clue today.
Perhaps you can help me.
lt was, ''Jack leaves meeting oozing smarm''.
Unction.
Unction.
Of course.
Yes.
You're too bright.
Well, my colleague Nigel is.
Cheek.
So What? lt's just that we've drunk a bottle of wine together and we haven't once mentioned work.
Surprised that l have a life outside of your divorce? Are you surprised l do? Why don't we get something to eat? Mm.
Good idea.
Thank you.
That was lovely.
Sowhy don't you come back to mine, then? lt's getting late.
That's all right.
You can sleep over.
- l don't think so.
- Give me one good reason why not.
l can give you three.
Ramona's there, they'll be asleep.
- And in the morning? - Well, she'll still be there.
Yeah, but l'm their mother.
Yeah.
Right.
So why don't we go back to yours, then? One day l would love you to, but l still think it's too soon.
Why? God, l can tell you don't have children.
At the moment you're ''Mummy's friend''.
lf you stay over, have breakfast, they'll start thinking of you as their new dad.
- Ah - Mm.
Yeah.
l could be gone before breakfast, then.
Let's not run before we can walk.
No.
Quite right.
Course not.
- What a good place.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Quite a Quite a young crowd.
David - Forget it.
Nothing.
- No, what? Would youlike to come back for coffee? That's very kind, but unless you have decaf, l'll be up all night.
l don't have coffee.
Oh Gosh.
Yeah.
So glad you take your work home with you.
- That seems like everything.
- We'll have the rent next month.
Yeah, pal.
- Are you another bailiff? - Social Services.
l've come for the child.
- Adam.
- Huh? - l think l should go back to work.
- What? lt's pointless us both being at home, especially when l've got a job waiting.
- You're on maternity leave.
- l'm sure they'll take me back.
So we'll leave Matthew with a childminder? No? What would be the point of that? You'd look after him.
Me? l'm supposed to be looking for work.
lt's humiliating enough being unemployed without becoming a househusband.
You're not going to be a househusband.
l wouldn't want you to be.
- Not very sexy, is it? - No.
You'd be having a career break, staying at home temporarily until you sort your options out.
Hmm.
- That doesn't sound too bad.
- No.
Won't you miss him? l'll go in late and come home early.
Thank God you work in advertising.
Mindless.
- Pete, l'm nervous.
- There's no need to be.
Our marriage is for real.
This is just a formality, that's all.
What's my favourite song? lt's an immigration interview, not a pub quiz.
Relax, will you? Mrs Joanne Gifford.
Oh, God.
Sorry, that's me.
l don't use my married name.
Mr Peter Gifford.
JO: Can l just say something up front? We don't have any documentary evidence of cohabitation, no official letters with my name on.
Except for the one that you sent us, which probably doesn't count, does it? PETE: We were going to bring in our wedding video.
- But he recorded over it.
- Football.
After you.
Right.
Come on.
Come on.
Up and at 'em.
Oh.
Whoa.
What time is it? 9:30.
l'm unemployed.
My day doesn't start until 1 1 :00.
Mine does.
l've been onto my boss.
They're keen to have me back.
- They want to know when l can start.
- What did you say? l said it depends on the traffic.
Have you seen the car keys? You're going in today? l thought l was going to have a lie-in.
You have.
Are you going to see me off, then? Peter Algernon Gifford.
Algernon was his father's name.
Stella.
Stella.
Not married any more.
Divorced.
Lives in Miami.
Don't know the address.
April 1 2th, 1 967.
Crap at birthdays.
Erm But l do know that Jo's is June 1 8th.
He's got singing today.
The directions are on the fridge.
l've made you up some bottles.
l didn't do any lunch.
Get some jars.
His favourite's chicken.
And we need some new nappies.
l'll ring you from work cos we need a lot of things.
You'll enjoy spending some time together.
We're looking forward to it.
Bye, little one.
- Rach.
- Yeah? Thank you.
Go.
So.
Your mother says you're a singer.
Her favourite song.
Bohemian Rhapsody.
Crap.
Er She likes a lot of songs.
Film? ErEscape To Victory.
Bravo Two Zero.
His taste sucks, doesn't it? - Let's move on.
- No, hang on, l want to get this one.
- l've lots of other questions.
- Something, by the Beatles.
- Anything in particular? - No, Something.
- Can you be more specific? - That's the title of the bloody song.
Something.
l'm sorry.
This must be it, son.
(Mobile rings) Hello.
Hi, it's only me.
l was just wondering.
ls everything all right? - Since you called five minutes ago? - lt was more like ten.
Everything's fine.
We're just off to the bookies.
Joking.
Get back to your job - like a good working mother.
- Yes.
OK, OK.
Bye.
(Phone rings) - Hello, Rachel Bradley.
- And stop staring at his photo.
l am not staring.
Bye.
Tell me about how you two met.
That one's easy.
She was my lodger.
l'd lost my job.
And my flat.
And Pete had a spare room.
- Nothing happened at first.
- We justclicked.
l fancied her.
But you would, wouldn't you? l wasn't sure if she fancied me.
He wasn't as good-looking as a lot of my other boyfriends, but umhe made me laugh.
- Her visa ran out.
- l went home.
That was that.
Then a mutual friend told me she really liked me.
So l hopped a plane to Oz.
And he turned up on my doorstep.
- We fell in love.
- She proposed to me.
- And here we are.
- So you proposed to him? This occurred shortly after her visa had run out? Well, yeah, but that's got nothing to do with it.
Mr Marsden, thanks for coming in.
Would you like coffee? - No, l'm fine, thank you.
- Thanks, Martin.
That'll be all.
Your wife's estimate of her annual outgoings and expenditure.
Her solicitor faxed it over this morning.
Yes.
Erm Look, about last night £700 to get her hair done? Yes.
That's not so outrageous, but some of it is.
Bikini waxing? Why should l Flowers? What the hell is ''Pilates''? She's taking the piss.
l'll soon put a stop to that.
She sent the house valuers packing.
You were going to say something about last night.
Yes.
Well Obviously bad idea.
Unprofessional.
Shouldn't happen again.
Wouldn't you agree? Of course.
ln fact, if you'd like me to resign No, no.
Far from it.
Far from it.
(Mobile rings) Martin.
No, l'm on my way to court.
Emergency injunction application.
l'll be in tomorrow.
Hi, Sally.
l'm going to be out of the office all afternoon.
Yeah.
Client reappraisal.
Hiya.
l'm Adam.
Helen.
l'm a nanny.
l thought maybe she was yours.
- This is Caroline.
She's a nanny too.
- Hi.
Oh, l see.
Am l sitting on the nanny side of the room? Yeah, but that's OK.
WOMAN: Shall we get started, then? - What? - That seemed to go all right.
- Piece of piss.
- l nearly forgot your favourite song.
- Something? - That's what l said.
- Lady Madonna, Pete.
Oh.
Still.
Down by the river where the green grass grows There sits David, washing his clothes He sings, he sings, a song so sweet Calling to his playmates up and down the street Matthew, Matthew, won't you come to tea? Come next Saturday at half past three Teacakes and pancakes and everything, we'll see Oh, won't you have a lovely time at half past three? And moving on.
Down by the river where the green grass grows There sits ErAdam.
Ermno.
What you do here is you sing the baby's name.
Oh, right.
Sorry.
Matthew Washing his clothes He sings, he sings, a song so sweet Calling to his playmates up and down the street Matthew, Matthew No.
What you do there is sing the name of the next child.
Caitlin.
Caitlin.
Oh, right.
Sorry.
OK.
OK.
Let's go back to the beginning.
Two, three, four Down by the river where the green grass grows There sits Adam.
Matthew.
Caitlin.
Shite.
Or maybe move on.
Down by the river where the green grass grows Sorry about that.
What a nightmare.
Never again.
l promise.
Never again.
- Your first time, isn't it? - You could tell? Oh, yeah.
l'm Sean.
- Adam.
- Yeah, l remember from Ah.
Oh, well, it's nice to meet one of my own.
So erwhat do you make of all this? lt's a load of old bollocks, isn't it? - How do you mean? - Our kids can't even sit up, never mind sing along.
l don't agree with that.
Babies are very suggestible.
Helps them develop a sense of rhythm.
Besides, it's fun, isn't it? Tallulah loves it.
- See you.
- See you.
Tallulah.
Great name.
Wanker.