Comic Book Men s02e14 Episode Script

You ever wonder why they are still using some teenage heroes in comic books? I mean, seems like most of the people buy comics when they are old.
Yeah, this kind of an outdated template now, right? I mean, back when they introduced the teen superheroes every company did that model.
Young teen gets powers, becomes a superhero.
Reader can identify with so much, so, they follow that teen superhero for decades.
Bringing the superhero for our generation.
The forty something.
You have a bunch of superheroes from your generation.
And then you went gone old donel.
Hello, and welcome to another episode of Comic Book Men, The only show that knows for a fact that Han shot first, And I'm your host Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
What's the biggest item That's come through the doors this week? - The biggest item? - Yeah.
Hands down Han's down.
[laughter.]
Real-I'm intrigued.
Hey, guys, how's it going? - Hey, how are you doing? - Been a while.
I have something I want you guys to check out.
Okay.
Let me just move some of this stuff here.
Look at this real quick.
See if you can figure out what that's for.
I got the rest out in the van if somebody could come help me.
Oh, my God.
- Got it, ming? - Got it.
All right.
- Excuse me, Mike.
- Wow.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Don't drop it, Ming.
- Watch out.
- Got it? Come on, Ming.
What the hell? Holy smokes.
The Millennium Falcon.
Is this is the one they used in the movies? Is Han Solo in here? Because yeah, I remember it, but is this a toy? It was the actual prop displays They hung in Toys"R"Us back in '97 When they re-released the original trilogies.
I saw this thing almost every day of my life in '97 Or when I would go to Toys"R"Us on my Star Wars toy runs.
Like, the magical door would open, I would go and look up.
This thing would be hanging right above me.
I mean, where do you place it in the pantheon of starships? You have to put-- never mind starships.
In the pantheon of pop culture vehicles, I think it goes Bat Mobile, Millennium Falcon.
It's that way up on the list.
I mean, you could think about, like, a Battlestar Galactica, The Galactica itself, or of course--you know what? - To be fair, Star Trek-- - I was gonna say, man.
[laughs.]
- Yeah, you know what? Yeah, you know, now I think about it.
USS Enterprise is calling.
I know there are a lot of trekkies that are like, "You better pull that back, fat boy!" [laughs.]
If I remember right, like, when it hung from the ceiling, It lit up too, right? Were their lights on it and-- Right, like, in here, These will light up.
There's some on the bottom.
I've never actually had it in or lit up, but-- - Wow, where'd you get it? Rosie O'Donnell raffled 'em off for charity-- For a kid's charity back then.
- You won this? - I won it.
Yep.
- Wow.
- This is-- - It's pretty crappy.
- Pretty crappy? - [laughs.]
- Pretty damn sweet, man.
Pretty friggin' impressive.
This is the sweetest ride I've ever seen.
So, you've had this for how long? About 15 years.
- Where have you kept it? - In a box mostly.
You're looking to sell it? - Yeah, it's been-- - How come? It's been in storage.
Yeah, are you're paying storage fees on it? No, that's-- it's in a garage, but-- You should have never said that.
You should have been like, "it hung from the ceiling.
" I wake up with it every morning.
- My grandmother died under it.
- [laughs.]
We had her wake under it.
She loved it.
It means so much.
You can't be like, "I don't know.
I haven't seen it in 15 years," so-- How much? Uh, I was thinking 22.
- Dollars? Awesome.
- I don't want it no more.
- [laughs.]
- No? There haven't been many of 'em sold, And the ones that have, it's few and far between and-- What do they go for? Probably anywhere from 1,200 to 3,000.
- You want 2,200 though, huh? - Right.
Come on, man, what's the least you'll take for this? Would you do 1,500? You know, you've had it for 15 years And haven't done anything with it.
I'm sure it means a lot to you.
So, 1,300 [laughter.]
Is the best I could do today.
- All right.
- 13? - Yep.
- 13? Awesome.
Thank you.
There you go.
- All right, thanks guys.
- Good.
When's the last time the Stash Bought something for over $1,000? - It doesn't happen very often.
- No, when was the last time-- I think it was-- I think it was Ming.
[laughter.]
- You guys have a good one.
- All right, man, appreciate it.
- See you later, man.
- Take care.
Sometimes when I feel morale is sagging at the Stash, I try to come up with an innovative way To build some team chemistry.
- Okay.
- Or he asks me to leave.
[laughter.]
And this time, I think I came up with the ultimate idea.
I thought we would all Have a hand in creating a comic book.
You know, and I want everybody involved.
I want you guys to, like, you know, Shoot me some ideas for some villains.
I want you to script it.
I want you to create a villain, the look, and his angle, Everything, and really pitch it to a company.
- See if they'll print it.
- Cool.
All right, let's do this.
Both: All right.
- It's gonna be awesome, man.
You got it right.
"badass" is the word of the day.
Step it up, badass.
- Check that out.
- Oh, there it is.
I loved this stupid toy when I was a kid.
I've been looking for one of these for a while.
Well, you found it.
Excuse me, guys.
- Oh, hey, man, how you doing? - How you doing? My name's Phil.
I called about the godzilla shogun warrior figure.
That's right.
- Check that out.
- Oh, there it is.
Look how clean and sweet that is.
- That's in really good shape.
- Does he have roller skates on? - [laughs.]
yeah.
- He sure does.
- It was the '70s.
- Yeah.
No robotics, no robotics.
Yeah? Oh, was that the height of the disco craze? Disco roller.
This one even has the lever intact.
Yeah.
Fists still work.
The flying fist.
Oh, it actually works.
[laughs.]
- yeah, oh, yeah.
I've been looking for one of these for a while.
Well, you found it.
I loved this stupid toy when I was a kid.
It's fun to reacquire old loves.
Yep.
Yeah, it just brings back memories.
I'd also like to share this with my kids.
I got two young guys, and-- - You're gonna let them play with it, huh? Yeah, let 'em play with it a little bit, sure.
There's a lot of parents that do that.
They remember something so lovingly and so nostalgically, They want to push it on their kids who are like, "What are you talking about?" I watched Star Wars with my kid, And I was beside myself.
Like, "isn't this great? This is amazing.
Isn't this great?" And my kid, who was about six at the time-- Even I could tell a 6-year-old was just being polite to me.
[laughs.]
Like, "this is an adventurous movie, father.
" Like, you know, she was playing me a little bit.
How much are you looking here? We're looking to get-- for this piece in this condition With everything working, I'm looking to get 250.
What about, uh What do you think, ming? That's a big drop.
Um I think that's fair.
Will it make you happy? - It'll make me very happy.
- Let's shake on it.
And my kids.
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you very much.
Pleasure doing business.
I will enjoy and pass this on.
- Okay, man.
- Thank you.
Have a good one.
See you later.
What'd you think? He looked pretty happy.
That's what we're about here, man, making people happy.
Not me.
[laughs.]
We got to find that thing that you're looking for, man, like, So you can be like that guy.
Something from your youth that gave you such pleasure - That if you got it today - Mm-hmm.
You'd be happy for a good half-hour.
[laughter.]
Thank you very much.
Have a great afternoon.
See you soon.
- Yep.
- Okay.
- Have a good day, ray.
- See you guys.
- Hey.
- What's up? Think we're-- think we're onto something.
- Think we got him.
- What's that? We're working on the villains.
The villains are-- - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, the villains.
What do you got? Hit me.
I tasked them with coming up with Some vile and revolting villains for the book.
What did you bring to it, man? I came up with a character called wormhole.
It was a little person whose power is part of his deformity, So the more he uses his power, it's sort of like a take on-- - You lost me, mike.
[laughs.]
- Sorry.
Yeah.
- It's complicated.
- I lost them too.
Literally looks like a garbage pail kid.
[laughs.]
I think you guys got to get back to the drawing board.
- Well, do you got anything? - Yeah.
- What do you got? - All right, picture this.
- Okay.
- Half man, half pig.
Mm.
I've always thought of-- The pig's face has always terrified me.
Half man, half pig, huh? Yeah, but this one is medieval.
He wears like--like a mask-- like an iron mask.
I like that.
An iron pig mask.
Yeah.
It's got piercings.
That's badass, right? Maybe use some spikes on his face? Yes, spikes.
Like, metal.
He's always looking like he's pissed off.
That's cool.
Like, he's evil.
Is he always looking that way or is he always that way? He's always that way.
All right.
I mean, so far-- dude, I'm gonna sue you 'cause this is me, half man, half pig, always pissed off.
[laughter.]
You've created a nightmare.
Your character is gonna be someone's nightmare one day.
Yeah.
And their gonna read the book and be--and sleep and-- "Oh, the pig man in the leather mask.
" - [laughs.]
- Wake up, - And you're gonna be responsible.
- Yeah.
You've put a little misery into the world.
- It's great.
- I see.
- It feels good, right? - Yeah.
[laughter.]
You've given us a lot to go off with, man.
- It's gonna be kick-ass.
- I can't wait.
- Are you buying books here? - Hey, what do you got? Open up the first page.
It's autographed by Frank Frazetta.
No way.
Ming, what do you think, man? Who's your all-time, number one baddie? I'm a little biased on this, But Ming the Merciless from Flash Gordon.
You know, that makes sense, man.
Here's a guy who's like, "finally, someone on my side.
" [laughs.]
"someone whose name is just like me.
" But if he's ming the merciless, what are you? - I don't know.
- Ming the Pitiful? - Ming the Tolerant? - Ming the Tolerant.
[laughter.]
- who else? Who else would be considered a really good screen villain? Like, vader, I put probably at the top of that list.
Walt would argue with this, but I would say it's Jaws.
[laughs.]
First of all-- first of--first of-- - [laughter.]
- Ridicule immediately.
You don't even finish the "s" on "Jaws.
" He's like--[scoffs.]
First, he'd be like, "Jaws wasn't his name.
" [laughter.]
- that's true.
He's got a point.
Jaws isn't his name.
I think it's a stretch to call an animal Who's just doing what he does, his instincts, a villain.
I bet you if you lived in a village Where lions were running around trying to eat you, You'd be like, "that's a villain.
" - Yeah, I agree.
- Yeah, but I think it's A poor choice of words, though, "villain.
" What if it was a were-shark? Then he'd be a villain or-- Yeah, he's in outer space.
[laughter.]
You know, I'm going to the flea market Almost like a religious guy going to church.
I mean, it's really getting out of control, And it's a matter of getting there Early in the morning, and you got to find stuff.
But my new thing now is I got to pay a little bit more money So--like, trying to develop pickers So they start bringing me stuff.
An army of Rob Bruces.
Hey, how are you doing? - Are you buying books here? - Maybe.
What do you got? - Creepy 1.
- Ooh.
Creepy, for those of you that don't know, Pretty much is exactly what the title implies.
- [laughs.]
- It was a magazine.
Not so much a comic book, but a magazine That was full of not traditional comic book art, But a lot of fantasy art, a lot of weirdness.
It went all over the place.
It wasn't superheroes.
Open up the first page.
- Open up the first page? - Open up the first page.
It's autographed by Jim Warren and dated.
- What year is that? - 1974.
If you go up into the Frazetta story Here we go.
It's autographed by Frank Frazetta.
No way.
How rare is the Frank Frazetta signature? Oh, you know, it's Frank Frazetta.
He's probably the biggest illustrator Of the latter half of the 20th century.
I think his signature alone is worth $200.
But what are you looking to get for your Creepy? - 450.
- 450? - What do you think, robert? - The book's worth $35 Right.
Right.
I would-- - Without the signatures.
- I agree.
I'm just looking at the value of the book with the signatures.
And, you know, if you put $35 and $75 and 200, And James Warren-- So, 350 retail seems like a real realistic price.
Would you do 175? If my man tells me I can get 350-- That's the max I could probably get it in here, I got to make some money on it.
You know, I know you got to make some money on it, But 175 is, for me, too low.
- Throw me another number, then.
- 250? - That's my final offer.
- That's a fair price.
- 200.
- Okay.
- You gonna take 200? - I'll do it.
I'll do it.
I was able to get it down to 200 bucks.
- No.
- Yeah.
I contemplated, yeah, you know, just taking it home for like-- - I was gonna say--what-- - Buying it for myself.
Is it on the wall or is it at your place? I haven't decided yet.
Every time I put it up on the wall, I'd run back up and I take it down, 'cause I-- You know, it's pretty special.
Why don't you split the difference? Put it up on the wall, and then when people go to buy it, Just be like, "no!" [laughter.]
Nice meeting ya.
- All right, thanks, man.
- All right, having a good one.
- Safe home, man.
- See you later.
Take care of that, please.
With the way tech has gone in the last 10, 15 years, Now, you can publish a comic book off your iphone.
You know, there's nothing holding you back anymore.
Are you guys gonna self-publish? No, I thought we would develop a pitch And bring it to some of the companies That are producing some comic books right now.
- Then Bryan had an awesome idea.
- What's your awesome idea? To make a pitch video that would accompany - The synopsis and the pages.
- That's smart, man, You're on the cutting edge, dude.
I am? [laughter.]
Welcome.
You're right there.
I'm too good for these guys now.
[laughter.]
Take one.
All right.
You ready, Ming? Ready.
Action, Ming.
He's looking at us the whole time.
- What--let's cut.
- [laughs.]
- Jesus.
- What? You don't look at us until you pass us.
Did you study the patterson video? I watched it, like, 100 times.
So, you know that bigfoot isn't staring the entire time.
He looks over his shoulder.
It's, like-- and he looks back.
This isn't you on a bench at the mall Sitting outside Victoria's Secret.
- [laughs.]
- This is a cursory glance.
Who'd you play? They dressed me in a bigfoot outfit.
They went to the littlest person for bigfoot? - Uh - I was looking for irony.
[laughter.]
- well, done, man.
Very artistic.
Very David Lynch-Ian.
How was he as a director this time around? You know, he's grown since the last time He pulled out that hat, But still demanding as ever, overbearing.
Action, ming.
Wait a second.
I'll tell you when you hear the noise.
Get back here! - Oh, come on.
- [laughs.]
Jesus.
Action.
And look.
Oh! All right, sorry.
Sorry, sorry.
- Dude.
- Sorry, sorry.
Sorry.
Come on, this costume's smelly.
Come on.
You screw up two takes, the third take is so-so, And you're-- you're frustrated with us.
Face front, true believers.
I am stan lee, And I'd like to introduce you to a great new comic book.
- You nervous? - Yeah, I'm nervous.
- There you go.
- Thank you.
Let's go.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, how you doing? Conference room's on over here, you guys are expected.
Dynamite Comics is a company created by Nick Barrucci.
They do stuff like Green Hornet, Bionic Man, Red Sonja, Lone Ranger.
- Vampirella.
- Vampirella.
So, they're a huge comer, man.
Like, this company's only been around For the last five to ten years, And they already have a nice market share.
So, that's a good place to go, man.
And they're a new Jersey-based company, So we thought, you know, couple of Jersey boys.
Yes, yes.
Play that card.
Definitely.
"what exit you from?" Yes.
- [laughs.]
- All right, guys, what's up? - What do you got for us? Basically, these gentlemen have come up with a concept - That you're gonna love.
- Okay.
We have a little video presentation - All right.
- With an introduction by Both: Someone.
- Some dude.
- Pretty--pretty special.
- Huh.
Yeah? - A living legend.
- [laughs.]
- Okay.
- Are you ready, Walt? - Ready.
All right.
Face front, true believers - Oh, wow.
- I am stan lee, And I'd like to introduce you to a great new comic book.
Never before in the history of comics Has their been such unadulterated originality, Such flawless artistry, Such crackerjack prose-- Oh, come on, you guys.
Oh, gee.
[laughs.]
Anyway, I give you The cryptozoic man.
Sasquatch.
[chuckling.]
The Loch Ness Monster.
[creature bellows.]
[laughs.]
The Jersey Devil.
[growls.]
The dna of man and brute Bound with one purpose To annihilate those called legion.
Monsters creat by monsters.
Desperate abominations roused from oblivion Lacerated nightmares bled into consciousness Iniquity, transcendence.
The Cryptozoic Man! Excelsior! I guess [laughter.]
What do you think? I think it's really cool That you guys got stan to pitch her for you.
That's awesome.
But I think we need to hear the words out of your mouths.
[laughs.]
I didn't account for this.
[laughter.]
We envisioned a five-issue mini series Where it's kind of a throwback To an '80s swamp thing vibe Where a man is transformed into a monster, - But a good monster, and - There's a little girl.
- [laughs.]
- And there's a little girl.
It's the smorgasbord of everything we grew up on-- Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, Jersey Devil, Cryptozoic creatures.
We're obviously going for a creepiest vibe as possible, Still with a little bit of superhero aspects to it 'cause we do have a good guy who doesn't look like a good guy But is still, you know, our hero at the end of the day.
I love the "puppy wuv" on the shirt.
[laughter.]
Does he access-does he-- - You throw that in on your own? - Yes.
Cool.
And who's doing the writing? Bryan will be doing the writing.
The scripting, yeah.
These guys have come up with some of the character concepts.
Okay.
They will be selling the comic.
[laughter.]
The good thing is you guys are passionate.
You guys have really thought about the backstory.
You have a direction you want to go in.
- It's approved.
- Oh, thank you so much.
Still some--still some work to be done, but nothing Yeah.
Nothing that we think we can't work out.
- Yep.
- We love it.
- They're gonna do it? - They're gonna do it.
Give it up, man.
That's fantastic.
Look at you guys.
Published as a team.
So, wait-- Four creator title's gonna be on the cover? - Ah--[laughs.]
- Oh, wow, wow.
[laughs.]
I see.
- [laughs.]
Wow, man, so, like, With the publication of that comic book, You guys will literally become comic book men.
[laughter.]
That's gonna wrap it up for an entrepreneurial week Of Comic Book Men, Once again, where nobody works at the store.
- [laughs.]
- I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
Titans together, kids.
Good night.