Comic Book Men s04e09 Episode Script
Dragging Rights
Hey, what if you guys were given a choice, if you had to make one or the other couldn't read comics for five years or you couldn't have sex for five years? I'm disgusted by the posing of the question, disgusted that these two took more than one second to answer.
I'm all-around disgusted.
Give me a minute to weigh the pros and cons.
What are the pros of not having sex for five years? - Tell me one.
- Well, I just No, five years without comics.
It's a long time.
Just saying.
What you guys are failing to put into the equation is, you know, your poor wives.
I mean, am I willing to deprive my wife of me for five years? I think not.
I'd say look in your crystal ball.
Is there some really cool stuff that's gonna happen in the next five years? Why are you looking into a crystal ball at his sex life? Or comics which one is he talking about? Is some really cool stuff happening, Walt? Am I getting lucky? Hello and welcome to another episode of Comic Book Men, the only show that believes Batman should stop v-ing superman and just become super friends again.
I'm your host, Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
Walter J.
Flanagan, tell me a story.
Do you remember an era when, if a network show was a hit, inevitably, it would become a cartoon? Of course.
How could I forget? Hey, how you doing? Hey, guys.
How you doing today? I got a piece here you might be interested in.
All right.
I've got a cell from Fonz and the happy days gang from 1981, Hanna-Barbera, ABC TV.
Oh, my God.
Now, this is a cell? It's actually two cells, yeah.
The one cell has the Fonz on it.
Then the second cell has Mr.
cool on it 'cause usually when they do the cells, they do it in layers, you know, to give it, like, almost, like, that three-dimensional look to it.
These hard to find? Yeah, I've been collecting Hanna-Barbera cells for ten years now, and this was one of the first times I ever found a happy days cell.
Do you remember this has to be right around when you were born, right? Yeah, I was probably about six or seven years old.
Never really got into it, though, - for whatever reason.
- Why? Didn't really get why they had to animate it.
I thought, wasn't live action enough? What was the backstory? That I didn't even get either.
All you got to do is watch the opening, man.
The opening was one of those great openings that brought us into Milwaukee, and a ufo comes down in front of Arnold's It's not Mork.
Not this time.
It's this cool chick from outer space who has a U.
F.
O that's also a time machine, as I recall.
I wonder, do you think this was from an unaired episode where, like, he was starving in the woods, he was about to kill Mr.
Cool with a screwdriver? I adored this cartoon as a kid.
- Really? - It may not have been as edgy or as funny as the live-action happy days Wait, happy days was edgy? In an era where you just got to see happy days once a week Right.
I was just thankful that, you know, I could see it again on Saturday mornings.
- And I just really dug it a lot.
- You're like, "finally! "They took all the worst parts out of happy days.
"Mr.
and Mrs.
C, "Chuck, Potsie.
And then he took it to space.
" So how about you? Are you a big happy days fan? I am a big happy days fan.
I'm also a big Hanna-Barbera fan.
That's how this kind of melds into both worlds.
I am a gigantic Hanna-Barbera fan.
They were the kings of Saturday morning.
- Yeah, right.
- King of the talking dog.
- That too.
- What about happy days to you? Did you want, like, a nice little leather jacket, your white undershirt, and your dungarees on? Yeah, oh, absolutely.
I absolutely wanted to be Fonzie.
Can you imagine? Can you imagine that outfit right now, him wearing that? What, right now? I couldn't pull it off right now? - I - Or ever.
All right, so are you here today to try to sell it? Yeah, I'm thinking about selling it.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
This is the kind of piece that I would love to see hanging on my wall at home.
Think anybody would be upset if I pursued it for my own? I don't think you would get any pushback.
I wasn't asking if you would be upset.
Yeah.
I'm definitely interested.
What are you looking to get for it? I'm looking at 250 for this item.
- 250, huh? - Yeah.
It's a rare item, got two of the the two main characters, really, of the show and great poses.
Would you take 75 for it? It's not like this is, like, steamboat Willie, it's Fonzie and a dog.
You have garbage.
as low as I'd go on it.
No chance you'd take 150 for it? I'd like to stand firm on 200.
That's probably at my high mark as well, 150.
What ugliness.
- Hey, man, it happens.
- I'll give you 200 for it.
- You'll give me 200 for it? - You want that? What are you gonna do with that? What do you mean what am I gonna do with it? I'm gonna hang it in gonna hang it in your house.
- Oh, okay.
- You got it for me? Yeah.
Now I'm all now I'm all - Choked up? - Indebted? That is so sweet, man.
That's awesome.
You knew he was sitting there going, "I want it, but I can't make that commitment.
" Probably the most beautiful thing that happened to anything remotely happy days -related since Fonz jumped over a shark.
Aw.
I think you're underselling him.
- Anybody work here? - Oh! - Hello, there.
- Adam West.
Ooh, lookee.
It's almost Life-Size.
What, are you training for the octagon, dude? Anybody work here? - Hello, there.
- Oh! Kevin asked me to come in and say hello, and maybe I might even find my own comic book in here.
Come on over here.
Holy mackerel.
Ooh, lookee.
It's almost life-size.
- If you're Ming, yeah.
- That's good.
Okay, guys, you take credit cards? Ah, we do take credit cards.
Mr.
west, it is an honor to have you be in our presence at the stash, it's amazing.
Thank you.
You're very gracious.
They've even been staring at the doll, passing it around, - saying, "you're awesome.
" - We have.
"You're awesome.
" They've been practicing.
They've been practicing.
For about a week now since Kevin told us you were arriving at the stash to come sign some comics, I've been practicing how to tell you how much your portrayal of Batman has meant to me since I was a child.
You know, I it's hard to know what to say, except you have my gratitude.
We were able to create a show that's been long-lasting and has influenced so many lives in good ways.
That's good.
The doorway to Batman for a lot of us, particularly of our age, was Adam West.
Even before the comic books, I saw the TV show.
That was Batman.
He was the first drawbridge to that character for me.
I'm like you.
I lived and breathed Batman.
- And that Batman was Adam West.
- I love him to death.
He's the greatest guy in the world, man.
He was coming back east for something else, and I was just like, "please stop in at my comic bookstore at the secret stash," 'cause I'd just written some Batman '66 meets the Green Hornet comic books with Ralph Garman.
So boom, to have them ready and have Adam West tagging those books We're about to earn off west's back.
Come over here and sit down.
These are the books.
Bryan, move out of the way.
Let Mr.
West have a seat.
Look at this.
It's a Batman-Green Hornet crossover comic book.
We were hoping that you could sign them, and we would be able to pick your brain a little bit.
Well, what's ever left up here, sure.
Okay, give me a question.
My favorite episode of the Batman television series is when mad hatter turned the bat-cow pink with radioactivity.
Holy isotopes, right, Batman? It still tingles.
Mr.
West, my favorite episode's the two-Parter with you and Robin meet the Green Hornet, Kato.
It was awesome.
Don't tell Burt Ward this, but I was kind of hoping you'd take Kato on as your ward rather than dick Grayson.
I think that Bruce Lee could not have played that role.
He was perfectly cast in Green Hornet - That's true.
- Because it was a show that attempted to be somewhat realistic, where we were only realistic for the kids.
Now, with all due respect, Mr.
West, I mean, you're obviously the better superhero.
But I always thought that the Black Beauty was clearly the superior automobile.
Well, you know, I hate to argue with guys like you, because obviously you're huge fans.
But I think that our Batmobile is the world's fastest car.
Mm.
Yeah.
Excuse his ignorance, Mr.
West.
I'll have him fired later.
Thank you very much.
- Ooh.
- Blasphemy.
And he says this in front of Adam West.
To Mr.
West's face? I wanted to see what he would say.
But, I mean, I thought maybe he would agree with me even.
Isn't that something you say after a man has left the building? Even if you're an idiot, you say it after he left.
It's beyond idiocy to say it when he's there.
In any kind of a drag race, the Batmobile could take those other wheels easily.
- Yeah, I agree.
- Without a doubt.
I don't know, that's something I'd like to see.
Kato was kind of a genius when it came to automotive engineering.
I take the city bus here every day.
That could beat Black Beauty.
Don't you got a friend who owns replicas of both the Batmobile - and Black Beauty? - Yeah, I do.
So I mean, theoretically, we could put that to the test, I guess.
Why don't you call him up? Why don't you put your money - where your mouth is? - Yeah.
Why don't we get those cars down here, do a little drag racing? You up for a little drag racing today, Mr.
West? - Oh, of course.
Absolutely.
- All right.
- Okay.
- I'm up for any challenge.
I'll be your Green Hornet.
Come on.
All right, you got it.
If you're serious, let's do it.
- Well, call him! - Call him! Let's roll, Kato! Let's do it! Let's do it! I'm wondering if you'd be interested in purchasing the incredible Hulk 271.
First rocket raccoon in comic book form.
All right, let's do this, man.
It's time to put up or shut up.
All right, let's go.
Going down, boys.
So back then, the show's huge.
You're Batman, which is amazing.
What was it like with the women? And did any of them ever ask you to dress up and be like Bum bum dah! And hip-hip-tugen! Uh - Maybe you guys can explain it.
- Well, '60s tell 'em what it's like with women.
They don't know.
That's why we're in a comic bookstore.
And again, I'm not saying now.
I know you're married and stuff.
I'm just thinking back then, '60s, '70s Jason, I understand what you're saying.
- I really do.
- The women, yes.
- The costume and the character.
- Yes.
You know, all that baggage made it wonderful with women - Yes.
- Because without my cape, I was nothing with women.
So you're suggesting we get capes.
You know, I'm so sick of everybody discounting the classic monsters.
I think that they could hold their own if they did some sort of big crossover movie, the classic universal monsters versus the new age monsters.
You're telling me Freddy or Jason couldn't take down Dracula? Dracula against any New-Age Monster is going to win.
I don't care what monster you throw up there pinhead.
Pinhead's not winning? I mean, if pinhead has a stake with him - Yeah, it's over.
- It's over for Dracula, right? And he could only fight at night, and he's got a weird accent.
So what? What is that supposed to mean? You might not take him seriously.
"Come here.
I'm serious! I'm going to kick your ass! Come back, pinhead, come back!" Hey, man.
How you doing? I'm wondering if you gentlemen might be interested in purchasing the incredible Hulk 271.
First rocket raccoon in comic book form.
It's a pretty big issue.
It's gaining a lot of heat, right? Yeah, my specialty is kind of, I collect oddball characters like Woodgod, squirrel girl.
I kind of thought squirrel girl would be the one to take off, but it's rocket raccoon.
You heard of rocket raccoon? - He's really an alien.
- Oh, all right.
And he travels with these little rockets on his paws.
That's why he's called rocket raccoon.
I mean, I'm telling you, it sounds cornier than it really is, but he's really badass.
It sounds badass.
And looks badass, as well.
One of the biggest blockbusters of the past summer, - Guardians Of The Galaxy.
- Ah! Every child on the planet, you know, is now in love with Groot and Rocket Raccoon.
I've been a comics fan for years, and I don't remember these characters lighting - the world on fire at all.
- They didn't.
Rocket raccoon languished in the 50¢ bins for decades.
That's right.
When they introduced the character, you know, no comic book fan wants to see funny, talking animals.
- That is a thing of the past.
- Exactly.
But now, because the movie took off, rocket raccoon is ensconced in the mount rushmore of movie animals, you know, right up there with, like, rin tin tin, Benji - Whoa.
- Yes.
Oh, yes.
Grandpa just woke up.
Incredible Hulk 181, incredible Hulk 271.
Right.
of rocket raccoon.
Is rocket raccoon poised to maybe one day fetch over a grand, I mean, just like Hulk 181 now is fetching? Well, Hulk 181 was always up there.
But this is something out of left field.
No one knew what rocket raccoon was gonna do.
It's kind of sad for the Hulk that the Hulk's most valuable issues have nothing to do with the fact that they're valuable 'cause Hulk's in them.
It's like now he had to play second fiddle to Wolverine for the second biggest issue in the Hulk run.
Now he's got to sit there and go, "okay, "now my third most valuable issue may be "because rocket raccoon was in it?" Yeah, except the Hulk's not real, so he doesn't care.
Um, if the Guardians Of The Galaxy turns into the franchise I think everybody thinks it's gonna turn into, this could be a Hulk 181.
I definitely am interested in it.
What are you looking to get for it? The condition it's in, I'm looking for about 150.
All right.
Would you take 80 for it? - Okay.
- Um I mean, you know, it's kind of it's got some rough edges, you know, soft edges, I should say.
It's a little dog-eared, some spine issues.
I can see some creasing.
Let's say 125? Would you take 100 for it? Yeah, I could let it go for 100.
All right, you got yourself a deal.
- Okay.
- $100.
Here you go, my friend.
- Okay, thank you very much.
- Thank you very much.
- Do you remember reading this? - Yeah.
It was not good.
Well, I mean, it was a different era.
And it doesn't matter.
I mean, Hulk 181 isn't that good.
Atomic batteries to power.
Turbines to speed.
Go! All right, man, it's go time.
You ready for me and Mr.
West to drop some bat guano on your faces? That sounds disgusting.
You got to be kidding me.
Everybody knows that Black Beauty is the ultimate super car.
It's better than the Batmobile.
This thing looks like a toy car with a bunch of bat stuff pasted on there.
That thing looks like a hearse with a sticker on it.
Ming made the call.
We were able to secure both vehicles down on main street.
Let's truly see which vehicle would've won in a race.
Adam West is like, "I just came to sign a comic book.
What is this all about?" This replica Batmobile is all pimped out.
It's got all the bells and whistles.
It's got the Batphone.
It's got the bat-ram.
It's got the atomic, nuclear-powered teleconverter.
Booyah.
It's all about what's under the hood.
The Black Beauty is Detroit steel at its best.
It's got a scanner, and there's a rotary phone poor deluded child.
There's no chance, guys.
No chance.
All right, let's do this, man.
It's time to put up or shut up.
All right, let's go.
Going down, boys.
Mr.
West, I know that you always drive the Batmobile, but it would be an honor and a privilege if you allowed me to drive the Batmobile today.
You drive the Batmobile? It's always been a dream of mine.
Do you have a driver's license? I do.
- Yeah, go ahead and drive.
- Thank you.
Make me proud, Walter! Sitting shotgun is Adam West, and I'm driving the Batmobile.
We grew up watching this guy on TV when we were kids.
You probably never in a million years thought you'd, "a," meet him, "b," be in a car with him.
Not just be in a car with him, be in a Batmobile with him.
The vehicle of all vehicles.
I mean, it's better than winning the lottery.
- Well, not really.
- No.
But it's a close second.
It's way up there.
Walter, start your engine.
Oh, you're beautiful.
Ming, start your engine! Atomic batteries to power.
Turbines to speed.
Roger.
Ready to move out.
Remember what we talked about, Ming.
Go! - Go! Go! - What are you doing? Come on, go.
Go, come on! Walter, get some speed up.
Holy backseat driving, Batman.
Come on, move it! Move it! There was a mountain of paperwork we had to fill out for the insurance to race these cars.
If we would've put even the tiniest scratch on one of these cars, the stash would have a new owner, so we couldn't go over 10 miles an hour.
And Walt threatened me not to drive any faster, so, you know, I was basically handcuffed at that point.
Two iconic, powerful, crime-fighting vehicles going head-to-head for the first time in the world's slowest race.
Faster! - I'm trying.
- Come on! We're gonna find out if this Batmobile has the bat ejector seats if you don't be quiet over there.
We can take these guys.
Come on! Get moving! Get going.
Look at him! He's faster than we are.
We are blistering now.
- Yes! Yes! Yes! - Move it, man.
Come on! Way to go, waiter! Way to go.
- Bat bump! - You threw the race! Yeah! - The batmobile won.
Barely.
- Of course.
Of course the batmobile wins, every time.
It was close.
You guys barely won.
I lost by a hair.
You lost because it's your destiny to lose.
What'd I tell you, boys? The batmobile just blew you away, didn't it? I got no excuse.
A win is a win.
Congratulations, Mr.
West.
Yeah, thank you, Mr.
West.
- Yes, thanks for coming, man.
- Thank you so much.
- It was very awesome.
- You bet.
Let me give you a ride back to your car.
I can walk faster, waiter.
That's a day that I will cherish For the remaining years of my life.
Only thing missing would've been, if one of the shelves in the stash opened up And you guys slid down the Batpole together.
It was everything and more than I ever would've thought It would've been, you know, having him in the car with me.
And I'm not gonna lie, man.
It felt good to win.
It felt good! When batman's your copilot, Every day's a win.
Oh, we're gonna shut down the atomic pile, Close up the batcave for the night, kids.
For Comic Book Men, I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
Tune in next week, kids, same bat-time, Same bat-channel.
Good night.
I'm all-around disgusted.
Give me a minute to weigh the pros and cons.
What are the pros of not having sex for five years? - Tell me one.
- Well, I just No, five years without comics.
It's a long time.
Just saying.
What you guys are failing to put into the equation is, you know, your poor wives.
I mean, am I willing to deprive my wife of me for five years? I think not.
I'd say look in your crystal ball.
Is there some really cool stuff that's gonna happen in the next five years? Why are you looking into a crystal ball at his sex life? Or comics which one is he talking about? Is some really cool stuff happening, Walt? Am I getting lucky? Hello and welcome to another episode of Comic Book Men, the only show that believes Batman should stop v-ing superman and just become super friends again.
I'm your host, Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
Walter J.
Flanagan, tell me a story.
Do you remember an era when, if a network show was a hit, inevitably, it would become a cartoon? Of course.
How could I forget? Hey, how you doing? Hey, guys.
How you doing today? I got a piece here you might be interested in.
All right.
I've got a cell from Fonz and the happy days gang from 1981, Hanna-Barbera, ABC TV.
Oh, my God.
Now, this is a cell? It's actually two cells, yeah.
The one cell has the Fonz on it.
Then the second cell has Mr.
cool on it 'cause usually when they do the cells, they do it in layers, you know, to give it, like, almost, like, that three-dimensional look to it.
These hard to find? Yeah, I've been collecting Hanna-Barbera cells for ten years now, and this was one of the first times I ever found a happy days cell.
Do you remember this has to be right around when you were born, right? Yeah, I was probably about six or seven years old.
Never really got into it, though, - for whatever reason.
- Why? Didn't really get why they had to animate it.
I thought, wasn't live action enough? What was the backstory? That I didn't even get either.
All you got to do is watch the opening, man.
The opening was one of those great openings that brought us into Milwaukee, and a ufo comes down in front of Arnold's It's not Mork.
Not this time.
It's this cool chick from outer space who has a U.
F.
O that's also a time machine, as I recall.
I wonder, do you think this was from an unaired episode where, like, he was starving in the woods, he was about to kill Mr.
Cool with a screwdriver? I adored this cartoon as a kid.
- Really? - It may not have been as edgy or as funny as the live-action happy days Wait, happy days was edgy? In an era where you just got to see happy days once a week Right.
I was just thankful that, you know, I could see it again on Saturday mornings.
- And I just really dug it a lot.
- You're like, "finally! "They took all the worst parts out of happy days.
"Mr.
and Mrs.
C, "Chuck, Potsie.
And then he took it to space.
" So how about you? Are you a big happy days fan? I am a big happy days fan.
I'm also a big Hanna-Barbera fan.
That's how this kind of melds into both worlds.
I am a gigantic Hanna-Barbera fan.
They were the kings of Saturday morning.
- Yeah, right.
- King of the talking dog.
- That too.
- What about happy days to you? Did you want, like, a nice little leather jacket, your white undershirt, and your dungarees on? Yeah, oh, absolutely.
I absolutely wanted to be Fonzie.
Can you imagine? Can you imagine that outfit right now, him wearing that? What, right now? I couldn't pull it off right now? - I - Or ever.
All right, so are you here today to try to sell it? Yeah, I'm thinking about selling it.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
This is the kind of piece that I would love to see hanging on my wall at home.
Think anybody would be upset if I pursued it for my own? I don't think you would get any pushback.
I wasn't asking if you would be upset.
Yeah.
I'm definitely interested.
What are you looking to get for it? I'm looking at 250 for this item.
- 250, huh? - Yeah.
It's a rare item, got two of the the two main characters, really, of the show and great poses.
Would you take 75 for it? It's not like this is, like, steamboat Willie, it's Fonzie and a dog.
You have garbage.
as low as I'd go on it.
No chance you'd take 150 for it? I'd like to stand firm on 200.
That's probably at my high mark as well, 150.
What ugliness.
- Hey, man, it happens.
- I'll give you 200 for it.
- You'll give me 200 for it? - You want that? What are you gonna do with that? What do you mean what am I gonna do with it? I'm gonna hang it in gonna hang it in your house.
- Oh, okay.
- You got it for me? Yeah.
Now I'm all now I'm all - Choked up? - Indebted? That is so sweet, man.
That's awesome.
You knew he was sitting there going, "I want it, but I can't make that commitment.
" Probably the most beautiful thing that happened to anything remotely happy days -related since Fonz jumped over a shark.
Aw.
I think you're underselling him.
- Anybody work here? - Oh! - Hello, there.
- Adam West.
Ooh, lookee.
It's almost Life-Size.
What, are you training for the octagon, dude? Anybody work here? - Hello, there.
- Oh! Kevin asked me to come in and say hello, and maybe I might even find my own comic book in here.
Come on over here.
Holy mackerel.
Ooh, lookee.
It's almost life-size.
- If you're Ming, yeah.
- That's good.
Okay, guys, you take credit cards? Ah, we do take credit cards.
Mr.
west, it is an honor to have you be in our presence at the stash, it's amazing.
Thank you.
You're very gracious.
They've even been staring at the doll, passing it around, - saying, "you're awesome.
" - We have.
"You're awesome.
" They've been practicing.
They've been practicing.
For about a week now since Kevin told us you were arriving at the stash to come sign some comics, I've been practicing how to tell you how much your portrayal of Batman has meant to me since I was a child.
You know, I it's hard to know what to say, except you have my gratitude.
We were able to create a show that's been long-lasting and has influenced so many lives in good ways.
That's good.
The doorway to Batman for a lot of us, particularly of our age, was Adam West.
Even before the comic books, I saw the TV show.
That was Batman.
He was the first drawbridge to that character for me.
I'm like you.
I lived and breathed Batman.
- And that Batman was Adam West.
- I love him to death.
He's the greatest guy in the world, man.
He was coming back east for something else, and I was just like, "please stop in at my comic bookstore at the secret stash," 'cause I'd just written some Batman '66 meets the Green Hornet comic books with Ralph Garman.
So boom, to have them ready and have Adam West tagging those books We're about to earn off west's back.
Come over here and sit down.
These are the books.
Bryan, move out of the way.
Let Mr.
West have a seat.
Look at this.
It's a Batman-Green Hornet crossover comic book.
We were hoping that you could sign them, and we would be able to pick your brain a little bit.
Well, what's ever left up here, sure.
Okay, give me a question.
My favorite episode of the Batman television series is when mad hatter turned the bat-cow pink with radioactivity.
Holy isotopes, right, Batman? It still tingles.
Mr.
West, my favorite episode's the two-Parter with you and Robin meet the Green Hornet, Kato.
It was awesome.
Don't tell Burt Ward this, but I was kind of hoping you'd take Kato on as your ward rather than dick Grayson.
I think that Bruce Lee could not have played that role.
He was perfectly cast in Green Hornet - That's true.
- Because it was a show that attempted to be somewhat realistic, where we were only realistic for the kids.
Now, with all due respect, Mr.
West, I mean, you're obviously the better superhero.
But I always thought that the Black Beauty was clearly the superior automobile.
Well, you know, I hate to argue with guys like you, because obviously you're huge fans.
But I think that our Batmobile is the world's fastest car.
Mm.
Yeah.
Excuse his ignorance, Mr.
West.
I'll have him fired later.
Thank you very much.
- Ooh.
- Blasphemy.
And he says this in front of Adam West.
To Mr.
West's face? I wanted to see what he would say.
But, I mean, I thought maybe he would agree with me even.
Isn't that something you say after a man has left the building? Even if you're an idiot, you say it after he left.
It's beyond idiocy to say it when he's there.
In any kind of a drag race, the Batmobile could take those other wheels easily.
- Yeah, I agree.
- Without a doubt.
I don't know, that's something I'd like to see.
Kato was kind of a genius when it came to automotive engineering.
I take the city bus here every day.
That could beat Black Beauty.
Don't you got a friend who owns replicas of both the Batmobile - and Black Beauty? - Yeah, I do.
So I mean, theoretically, we could put that to the test, I guess.
Why don't you call him up? Why don't you put your money - where your mouth is? - Yeah.
Why don't we get those cars down here, do a little drag racing? You up for a little drag racing today, Mr.
West? - Oh, of course.
Absolutely.
- All right.
- Okay.
- I'm up for any challenge.
I'll be your Green Hornet.
Come on.
All right, you got it.
If you're serious, let's do it.
- Well, call him! - Call him! Let's roll, Kato! Let's do it! Let's do it! I'm wondering if you'd be interested in purchasing the incredible Hulk 271.
First rocket raccoon in comic book form.
All right, let's do this, man.
It's time to put up or shut up.
All right, let's go.
Going down, boys.
So back then, the show's huge.
You're Batman, which is amazing.
What was it like with the women? And did any of them ever ask you to dress up and be like Bum bum dah! And hip-hip-tugen! Uh - Maybe you guys can explain it.
- Well, '60s tell 'em what it's like with women.
They don't know.
That's why we're in a comic bookstore.
And again, I'm not saying now.
I know you're married and stuff.
I'm just thinking back then, '60s, '70s Jason, I understand what you're saying.
- I really do.
- The women, yes.
- The costume and the character.
- Yes.
You know, all that baggage made it wonderful with women - Yes.
- Because without my cape, I was nothing with women.
So you're suggesting we get capes.
You know, I'm so sick of everybody discounting the classic monsters.
I think that they could hold their own if they did some sort of big crossover movie, the classic universal monsters versus the new age monsters.
You're telling me Freddy or Jason couldn't take down Dracula? Dracula against any New-Age Monster is going to win.
I don't care what monster you throw up there pinhead.
Pinhead's not winning? I mean, if pinhead has a stake with him - Yeah, it's over.
- It's over for Dracula, right? And he could only fight at night, and he's got a weird accent.
So what? What is that supposed to mean? You might not take him seriously.
"Come here.
I'm serious! I'm going to kick your ass! Come back, pinhead, come back!" Hey, man.
How you doing? I'm wondering if you gentlemen might be interested in purchasing the incredible Hulk 271.
First rocket raccoon in comic book form.
It's a pretty big issue.
It's gaining a lot of heat, right? Yeah, my specialty is kind of, I collect oddball characters like Woodgod, squirrel girl.
I kind of thought squirrel girl would be the one to take off, but it's rocket raccoon.
You heard of rocket raccoon? - He's really an alien.
- Oh, all right.
And he travels with these little rockets on his paws.
That's why he's called rocket raccoon.
I mean, I'm telling you, it sounds cornier than it really is, but he's really badass.
It sounds badass.
And looks badass, as well.
One of the biggest blockbusters of the past summer, - Guardians Of The Galaxy.
- Ah! Every child on the planet, you know, is now in love with Groot and Rocket Raccoon.
I've been a comics fan for years, and I don't remember these characters lighting - the world on fire at all.
- They didn't.
Rocket raccoon languished in the 50¢ bins for decades.
That's right.
When they introduced the character, you know, no comic book fan wants to see funny, talking animals.
- That is a thing of the past.
- Exactly.
But now, because the movie took off, rocket raccoon is ensconced in the mount rushmore of movie animals, you know, right up there with, like, rin tin tin, Benji - Whoa.
- Yes.
Oh, yes.
Grandpa just woke up.
Incredible Hulk 181, incredible Hulk 271.
Right.
of rocket raccoon.
Is rocket raccoon poised to maybe one day fetch over a grand, I mean, just like Hulk 181 now is fetching? Well, Hulk 181 was always up there.
But this is something out of left field.
No one knew what rocket raccoon was gonna do.
It's kind of sad for the Hulk that the Hulk's most valuable issues have nothing to do with the fact that they're valuable 'cause Hulk's in them.
It's like now he had to play second fiddle to Wolverine for the second biggest issue in the Hulk run.
Now he's got to sit there and go, "okay, "now my third most valuable issue may be "because rocket raccoon was in it?" Yeah, except the Hulk's not real, so he doesn't care.
Um, if the Guardians Of The Galaxy turns into the franchise I think everybody thinks it's gonna turn into, this could be a Hulk 181.
I definitely am interested in it.
What are you looking to get for it? The condition it's in, I'm looking for about 150.
All right.
Would you take 80 for it? - Okay.
- Um I mean, you know, it's kind of it's got some rough edges, you know, soft edges, I should say.
It's a little dog-eared, some spine issues.
I can see some creasing.
Let's say 125? Would you take 100 for it? Yeah, I could let it go for 100.
All right, you got yourself a deal.
- Okay.
- $100.
Here you go, my friend.
- Okay, thank you very much.
- Thank you very much.
- Do you remember reading this? - Yeah.
It was not good.
Well, I mean, it was a different era.
And it doesn't matter.
I mean, Hulk 181 isn't that good.
Atomic batteries to power.
Turbines to speed.
Go! All right, man, it's go time.
You ready for me and Mr.
West to drop some bat guano on your faces? That sounds disgusting.
You got to be kidding me.
Everybody knows that Black Beauty is the ultimate super car.
It's better than the Batmobile.
This thing looks like a toy car with a bunch of bat stuff pasted on there.
That thing looks like a hearse with a sticker on it.
Ming made the call.
We were able to secure both vehicles down on main street.
Let's truly see which vehicle would've won in a race.
Adam West is like, "I just came to sign a comic book.
What is this all about?" This replica Batmobile is all pimped out.
It's got all the bells and whistles.
It's got the Batphone.
It's got the bat-ram.
It's got the atomic, nuclear-powered teleconverter.
Booyah.
It's all about what's under the hood.
The Black Beauty is Detroit steel at its best.
It's got a scanner, and there's a rotary phone poor deluded child.
There's no chance, guys.
No chance.
All right, let's do this, man.
It's time to put up or shut up.
All right, let's go.
Going down, boys.
Mr.
West, I know that you always drive the Batmobile, but it would be an honor and a privilege if you allowed me to drive the Batmobile today.
You drive the Batmobile? It's always been a dream of mine.
Do you have a driver's license? I do.
- Yeah, go ahead and drive.
- Thank you.
Make me proud, Walter! Sitting shotgun is Adam West, and I'm driving the Batmobile.
We grew up watching this guy on TV when we were kids.
You probably never in a million years thought you'd, "a," meet him, "b," be in a car with him.
Not just be in a car with him, be in a Batmobile with him.
The vehicle of all vehicles.
I mean, it's better than winning the lottery.
- Well, not really.
- No.
But it's a close second.
It's way up there.
Walter, start your engine.
Oh, you're beautiful.
Ming, start your engine! Atomic batteries to power.
Turbines to speed.
Roger.
Ready to move out.
Remember what we talked about, Ming.
Go! - Go! Go! - What are you doing? Come on, go.
Go, come on! Walter, get some speed up.
Holy backseat driving, Batman.
Come on, move it! Move it! There was a mountain of paperwork we had to fill out for the insurance to race these cars.
If we would've put even the tiniest scratch on one of these cars, the stash would have a new owner, so we couldn't go over 10 miles an hour.
And Walt threatened me not to drive any faster, so, you know, I was basically handcuffed at that point.
Two iconic, powerful, crime-fighting vehicles going head-to-head for the first time in the world's slowest race.
Faster! - I'm trying.
- Come on! We're gonna find out if this Batmobile has the bat ejector seats if you don't be quiet over there.
We can take these guys.
Come on! Get moving! Get going.
Look at him! He's faster than we are.
We are blistering now.
- Yes! Yes! Yes! - Move it, man.
Come on! Way to go, waiter! Way to go.
- Bat bump! - You threw the race! Yeah! - The batmobile won.
Barely.
- Of course.
Of course the batmobile wins, every time.
It was close.
You guys barely won.
I lost by a hair.
You lost because it's your destiny to lose.
What'd I tell you, boys? The batmobile just blew you away, didn't it? I got no excuse.
A win is a win.
Congratulations, Mr.
West.
Yeah, thank you, Mr.
West.
- Yes, thanks for coming, man.
- Thank you so much.
- It was very awesome.
- You bet.
Let me give you a ride back to your car.
I can walk faster, waiter.
That's a day that I will cherish For the remaining years of my life.
Only thing missing would've been, if one of the shelves in the stash opened up And you guys slid down the Batpole together.
It was everything and more than I ever would've thought It would've been, you know, having him in the car with me.
And I'm not gonna lie, man.
It felt good to win.
It felt good! When batman's your copilot, Every day's a win.
Oh, we're gonna shut down the atomic pile, Close up the batcave for the night, kids.
For Comic Book Men, I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
Tune in next week, kids, same bat-time, Same bat-channel.
Good night.