Comic Book Men s04e12 Episode Script
Secret Stashley
Let's say you guys are at the greatest drag race in history, because all the cars are from TVs and movies, huh? Who you putting your money on? Umm, how about the Delorean, from Back To The Future? Can't use a time machine.
You said any car.
'Cause that's totally unfair, then.
Now you're down to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
- [Laughter.]
- Come on.
All right, how about Kitt from Knight Rider? - Nice choice.
- It can talk.
I don't think talking is gonna help you in a match of speed.
You know, he's, like, bothering his car when it's trying to win a race.
[Laughter.]
- Bry? - The Trans Am.
Smokey and the bandit.
Trans ohh So with or without Sally Field? With, come on.
It's with Sally Field.
All right, what would you take? What's gonna blow my doors off? The Gran Torino from Starsky & Hutch.
- Ooh.
- With or without Huggy Bear? [Laughter.]
[Heroic music.]
[Laughs.]
Hello! Welcome to another episode of Comic Book Men, the only show that takes Groot to the root.
I'm your host, Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
Now, some people want to know the meaning of life.
I just want to know what happened at the Secret Stash this week.
Wrestling.
Were you into it as a kid? [Funky disco music.]
- Hey, guys.
How are you doing? - How's it going today? - What's up, man? - My name's Christopher Daniels.
This is Frankie Kazarian, and we're professional wrestlers that happen to be comic book fans, and we wanted to talk to you about a comic book that we wrote and created, and hopefully we can get you to carry it in the Secret Stash.
- Well, let's check it out.
- All right.
- So is this you two? - Yeah, this is us.
- That's us.
- So what made you guys want to make a comic book featuring yourselves in it? I wanted to make something for the younger wrestling fan, like, something for, you know, six, eight, ten-year-old kids.
So we actually are friends with Art Baltazar and Franco, the guys that did the art for the comic book, and I knew that they were the masters of, like, the "all-ages" comic.
So we wrote a story about Frankie and myself engaging with action cat and adventure bug, and next thing you know, there was a comic book.
- Yeah.
- That's amazing.
Oh, my goodness.
I was a big fan of, like, the old-school WWF Wrestlers Hulk Hogan, Randy "macho man" Savage.
- Andre The Giant.
- Andre The Giant, the ultimate, the biggest of all time.
I remember him wrestling Hulk hogan, and, you know, their big thing was Hulk body-slamming him, like, a 700-pound-plus guy.
I mean, it would be the equivalent of you lifting Bryan and body-slaing him right now, right? - Yeah.
- I'd love to see that.
Let's try it.
[Laughter.]
So did the comics get you into wrestling, or did the wrestling get you into comics? It seemed hand-in-hand, man.
Like, when I was young, like, I loved 'em both, and it was almost like wrestling was, like, a real-life comic book.
Basically, as close as you can get to a comic book on TV.
I didn't realize it until a couple years into wrestling that there is a huge crossover between wrestling fans and comic book fans.
Over the last couple years, we've actually incorporated our love of comics into our wrestling gear.
This was actually a show that we did at the San Diego Comic-Con a couple years back.
We did a match where it was Magneto versus Captain America.
And, of course, captain America won, because Yeah, I mean, you can't have kids thinking that evil wins.
Never, never, never.
Now with CGI, we can see people flying through the air, but back then, that was really the only way you saw two huge, muscular grown men jumping off ropes and slamming each other into the ground.
Every wrestling match has got a good guy and a bad guy, and you hope to see good triumph.
Sometimes it doesn't.
Sometimes the bad guys win.
It is very comic book.
Oh, yeah, I mean, you can see the influences are all over wrestling from comic books, from the over-the-top evil bad guys to the bright, colorful costumes.
Or the lack of costume.
The idea that you've got a job to do, so you strip down to your underwear to do it.
Do you guys have, like, a finishing move? We do have a finishing move.
We call it the "celebrity rehab.
" Basically, I flip a guy backwards, upside down, - right into his awaiting boot.
- Oh.
- Right in the face.
- Would you like us to show you? [Stammering.]
I think I get the picture.
Okay, just making sure.
Look, obviously you're in no condition to take a boot to the face, but I bet you this thumb could go one-on-one with one of these guys, huh? A little thumb-wrestling? I'll have you know Frankie is undefeated in 14 years - of thumb-wrestling.
Right? - Yes.
I'll have you know he's had his thumb up his ass - for eight years as well.
- That right? Wow, I don't know if I want to wrestle but, you know, but I'm telling you, I got a good feeling.
He's got something in him.
Well, let's warm this up a little bit.
You ready for this? Ready for this? Ready for this? - Let's do this.
- Hold on.
What are you doing to him? I'm gonna do that to you too.
- Ow! - All right.
Join hands.
Both: One, two, three, four I declare a thumb war.
Oh, whoa! That was close.
- Whoa, whoa! - Agh! Ooh! That was close.
Agh! [All shouting.]
One, two, three, four! Ming Chen for the win! - That was a fast count, right? - He got me.
In our business, that's called "doing the favors.
" That's right.
Exactly, exactly.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, you guys did us a favor, you know, by obviously letting him win, so we'll definitely buy the books from you today.
What are we looking at here, if I were to buy them outright? If we got $1 a copy, and then you guys could sell it for $2 or $3 or whatever you thought would be fair.
- How does that sound? - Definitely fair.
- Definitely doable.
- Awesome.
25 books there.
So $25 for you.
- Yeah, perfect.
- There you go.
- Thank you, sir.
- Thank you so much.
Who can I send the medical bill about my thumb? [Laughter.]
Hey guys! Oh! Secret Stashley! Hello.
- Hi.
- Hey, I'm Sarah.
I called about the Cyberman bust.
- Dr.
Who, right? - Yes.
Got it right here.
There he is.
Big Dr.
Who fan? Yes.
I went to Comic-Con as a soothsayer.
What was that? You don't know what a soothsayer is? I've got to be honest with you.
I'm not the biggest Dr.
Who fan.
It always sounds like it's a little bit - too British for my taste.
- Come on.
It's like, the doctor's gonna fight some monster or something, and then in the middle of it, he's like, "oh, hold on.
It's tea time.
" [Laughter.]
Ah, look at this guy.
I mean, tell me that doesn't look like any robot you ever seen before.
Ah, love it.
What's his name? - Cyberman.
- Cyberman? - Yeah.
- What's he do? It's basically a race of cybermen, and their mission is to go to worlds and convert everybody to a Cyberman, and they run around saying, "we're gonna delete you.
" You hear this, and it doesn't make me want to watch it.
What is the origin story of Dr.
Who? He comes from a race of time lords, and he goes out trying to right wrongs.
It's almost like quantum leap, but it's British.
For God's sake, throw a punch.
[Laughter.]
When did you get into Dr.
Who? - About two years ago, actually.
- Two years? Yeah, my husband and I were planning a wedding, and just the stress of everyday work and barely seeing each other, we only had, like, an allotted amount of time with each other.
Okay, so you're almost like what's it called? Like ships in the night? Yeah, for a while there, we were.
And so how does Dr.
Who come into play, then? Our friends told us we would really get into it, and then finally we sat down and got online and watched it.
So you've seen every episode now? I've seen 9 through the current doctor.
How many doctors have there been? - Technically? - Technically, yes.
Technically, 13, but we're on doctor 12 now.
So what if I was saying, "no, don't go technical"? - Ah, 12.
- 12? - Yeah.
- Tell the difference.
What's the difference? There's the War Doctor.
All right, so we're looking to get $125.
Should I box him up? I was wondering if you could do a little bit better than that.
It's an anniversary present for my husband.
$115? I was thinking, like, $90.
Uh, I no, I can't do $90.
Can you meet me at $100? Mm, yeah, we could do 100 bucks.
- Thank you.
- $100, please.
So what's hubby gonna say when he opens this up? Oh, he's gonna be so excited.
Thank you, guys.
- Happy anniversary.
- Bye.
Thank you.
[Fast-paced rock music.]
- Hey, guys.
- Hey! - Oh.
- Nice to meet you finally.
Secret Stashley, hello.
- Hi.
Hi, Ming.
- Hey, how you doing? - Thank you.
- What's up, Bryan? - Hello.
- How are you? All right.
How've you been? I'm good.
It's been a while since I've seen you.
Folks, I work in the movie business, which means I'm pretty much useless in every aspect of real life, so I got me one of them assistants you hear so much about.
Her name is Ashley.
She drives me around.
She runs errands and stuff like that.
When she's not doing that, she does a show called Jay and silent Bob's top five comic countdown with Secret Stashley.
Gather round, Stasheketeers.
It's time for another episode of Jay and silent Bob's top five comic countdown.
The idea is, she does the top five comics at Jay and silent Bob's Secret Stash.
The information is provided by our very own Ming and Mike, but she only really knows the Secret Stash from a distance, from the other side of the country.
So I said "we got to send you back east to see the store, "immerse yourself in the world of the stash, and meet the guys.
" I envision this week as being a baptism in fire.
- Oh, fun.
- What you're gonna gain this week is going to be immeasurable in terms of dollars or, I mean it's gonna be fantastic.
Is that your way of saying she's not getting paid? [Laughter.]
Damn it! He'll sneak it in on you.
Watch out.
It's not a job.
It's an adventure.
This is like a vacation.
- Oh, no.
- Whoa, whoa No, vacations are fun.
[Laughter.]
It's a 2014 Psylocke statue, only available at the San Diego Comic-Con.
- Oh, my gosh.
- They're not making any more.
- Good choice, girl.
Good choice.
- Oh, yeah.
There's a handful of space programs, when I'm a kid, that are in reruns, that I'm like, "space sucks.
" [Laughter.]
Space: 1999 the most boring treatment of space ever encountered.
I mean, when the best space show on TV in the '70s is space nuts The far out space nuts.
I mean, that's really saying a lot about the quality of space programming back in the day.
- Yeah.
- Give it to lost in space.
It's true, and you were a lost in space guy, but even that, to me, was boring.
It was just, like, the robot's like, "danger, danger" there's always danger.
Space was defined by George Lucas for me, so any attempt at it on TV was just like, "ugh, this is poor man's Star Wars.
" [Laughter.]
Well, right now we're pretty well stocked, so basically we're kind of in a sit-and-wait mode.
- Okay.
- We're kind of like if you ever watch national geographic, you'll see lions just waiting for, like, a pack of elks to walk by? That's kind of how we are.
We're kind of like lions.
- Oh, cool.
- Yeah.
We're waiting for the meat to come in, ready to strike.
We'll wait for that first customer to walk in, your first customer.
- That's always special.
- Fun.
And we'll see what happens.
So we only had Ashley for seven days.
I'm thinking, "how on earth can we teach her everything about comic book retailing in seven days?" I wasn't looking for everything, just an overview.
I thought, "let's just throw her right into the fire as soon as possible," you know? You only learn by doing.
That's my motto.
Hi.
- Hi.
- How you doing? Can I see the Psylocke statue that's in the front? Absolutely.
Ming, will you grab that statue, please? - Yeah, no problem.
- Good choice, girl.
- Oh, yeah.
- Good choice.
Oh, that is so cool.
It's the 2014 X-Force Psylocke statue, only available at the San Diego Comic-Con.
- Oh, my gosh.
- They're not making any more.
I like her stance, love the sword.
Even her nails are painted.
Oh, my God.
That's awesome.
How did you get into Psylocke? I watched the X-Men TV show in the early '90s, saw those, like, strong female characters, and I was just like, "this is awesome.
" She's just amazing.
Is she your all-time favorite? Yes.
She's really cool.
Yeah, well, I'm glad that you like it, because she's my favorite.
Ashley and the customer, real quick, I see they start to make a connection over the character Psylocke.
I was kind of surprised.
I mean, usually you don't see that that often, that quickly.
I think in most retail establishments, quick friendships are usually made at the counter, 'cause people are like, "hey, how are you? How are you? Have a nice day.
" But you're like, "these two are actually talking to each other "like there's mutual affection.
What species is this?" I've Cosplayed as Psylocke before - You have? - And have a purple wig.
And people always come up to me, and they're like, "oh, my God, is that your real hair?" And I'm like, "yeah!" Do you do, like, full butt out and everything? No, it's a little bit more covered in the back.
I don't have enough guts to, like, wear a thong around the costume floor.
I wouldn't either.
I don't even have the guts to wear a thong in my own apartment when I'm alone.
I'm like, "okay.
" Are you having fun, Walt? - Yes, yes.
- This is interesting.
- Are you learning a lot? - Sorry.
We're having a moment right now.
Leave us alone.
I don't want to say that it was uncomfortable.
I just felt like there was a little bit of an age difference, you know? I felt like the creepy old man, like, listening to these two young girls.
"They're talking about butt-floss, Bry!" "They are? They are?" All right, sounds like you're interested.
Yes.
Yeah, a little bit.
Yes, this really awesome.
I'm looking to get $125 for it today.
$125 Would you go $85? No, I couldn't do $85.
No, it is the San Diego con exclusive.
You're not gonna walk into every store and see it.
Best offer I can do, 100 bucks, and that is it.
I cannot go any lower than that.
Oh, man.
Yeah, I think I'd stick at, like, $85, 'cause I can probably find it online.
So, you know, I appreciate you showing it to me.
- And - All right.
- I understand.
- Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Umm, you have to get this right now.
Think about it.
If you want to spend $85 shipping and handling, that's gonna cost, what? 25 bucks? That's true.
You probably won't get it for a few weeks.
You can walk out of here right now with this.
Oh, man.
You make a good point with the shipping.
If you're willing to spend $85 plus shipping and handling, you might as well walk out of here right now with this.
- You got to get it.
- All right.
You convinced me.
100 bucks.
Yeah! Sold! - Just like I showed you.
- All right, ready? Yeah.
Sold.
- All right.
- There you go.
- Thanks so much, you guys.
- Ah, thank you.
- Bye.
- Bye! Do you think having a feminine touch behind the counter helped in this negotiation? That really was something that I didn't even realize we needed.
I mean, it was getting stuffy in there.
By the end of the day, we were all in thongs.
[Laughter.]
- Check this out.
- Oh, wow.
Oh, snap.
Is this a 1966 Batman utility belt? Yes, sir.
You're stranded on a desert island.
You can only take one comic book with you.
Which one's it gonna be, boys? Can I pick action number 1? That way, if I do get rescued, like, I'll also be rich.
Who's looking for you? - What about you, Mike? - You know what? - I'd bring sandman number 1.
- You know you're gonna get left hanging on that last page of issue 1.
Yeah, but I got something to look forward to when I get back, so Nobody's looking for you either.
What about you, Bry? For me, whatever has the most supple pages, so that when I roll it into a cylindrical form, just I'll pack a little bit of seaweed in there, make it nice and smooth.
I don't get it.
What are you implying here? I'm gonna [Bleep.]
the comic book.
Oh, okay.
[Laughter.]
[Upbeat music.]
- Hey, how you doing? - What's going on? Let's see something.
You guys, check this out.
- Oh, wow.
- Oh, snap.
Is this a 1966 Batman utility belt? Yes, sir.
Awesome.
Can we open it up, take a look at it? - Please do, check it out, man.
- Oh, look at this.
Oh, my goodness.
It's awesome, though.
It's gorgeous.
It's never been taken out of the box, huh? - Nope, nope.
- It's easily one of the best replicas I've ever seen of the '66 Batman belt.
- Where'd you get it? - Online.
Wasn't really what I was expecting.
- But - Why? I thought it was gonna be more like Frank Miller's dark knight rather than '66 Batman.
Got to be honest with you.
Frank Miller's one was very yellow.
I mean, what on earth do you see on this that you're like, "eh, I don't want it anymore"? It just reeks of Adam west to me.
Not an Adam west fan? No, it was a little too campy for me.
Me too.
Christian Bale he's a hunk.
Batman Adam West is hunky too, though.
She's crapping on the bat! How dare she! You know, she loves Batman, she says, but not that version of Batman.
You can't exclude any version of Batman, particularly Batman '66.
The old Batman TV show was the first introduction of that character to the mainstream.
Without that, you don't get to those Chris nolan movies, to the Tim Burton movies, so you got to respect that.
Sounds like you really want to unload it.
How come? The 75th anniversary coming around you got a lot of cool stuff coming out that's more my taste, I think, so All right, I'm definitely interested, you know, if the price is right.
How much you looking to get for it? I need to get $300 for it.
$300.
All right, dude, so honestly, just, like That's, like, way too much.
- What do you think? - This is what you're gonna do.
You're gonna sell me this for $175, and we're all gonna walk out happy.
Yikes.
Uh Um.
$175.
Deal.
Sounds good, man.
- There you go.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
We appreciate it.
- All right, guys.
- I'll see you later.
- Have a great day.
Wow.
What just happened there? What? That was easy.
- That was easy.
- This could be a whole new era of negotiation for the stash, man.
Yeah, like, let's get some more people in here.
That's fun.
Sounds like what you had on your hands was a case of feminine mystique.
Like, a girl jedi mind-tricks you with, like, "this is what's gonna happen.
" But, you know, you're like, "all right, yeah.
That sounds like a plan.
" [Laughter.]
Ashley, could you come back here for a second? We need to talk to you.
- Am I in trouble? - Not at all.
Oh, good.
What's up? The Secret Stash is kind of like the Avengers.
I would be Iron Man.
I have my Captain America in Mike.
I have my Thor in Bry, my Jarvis I don't know.
But I don't have a black widow.
I'd like to offer you a roster spot at the Secret Stash.
[Clears throat.]
I don't even know what to say.
My assistant? At the stash? I figured you can get another assistant.
There are probably hundreds of 'em out there in L.
A.
, right? Yeah, but, I mean, like, who's gonna pick me up and drive me pla who's gonna get my weed? [Laughter.]
I'm so flattered.
I can still be your black widow, but I just don't know if I could work here full-time.
Wait a minute.
So are you saying no? - No hard feelings, Walt.
- No, no, not at all.
- No hard feelings.
- I love you.
We're buddies.
We're here.
It's an excellent job for us.
We've been lucky enough to craft a world where we get to have the job that we dig.
But for her? The idea of sitting around, talking about Batman and all this stuff, and what if Walt and Bry kissed in the negative zone or something? If we kissed in the negative zone, it would shatter cosmos.
[Laughter.]
Oh, and just like sands through the hourglass of our man, these have been the days of our lives.
For Comic Book Men, I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
Everything is awesome, kids.
Everything is cool when you're part of a team.
Good night.
You said any car.
'Cause that's totally unfair, then.
Now you're down to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
- [Laughter.]
- Come on.
All right, how about Kitt from Knight Rider? - Nice choice.
- It can talk.
I don't think talking is gonna help you in a match of speed.
You know, he's, like, bothering his car when it's trying to win a race.
[Laughter.]
- Bry? - The Trans Am.
Smokey and the bandit.
Trans ohh So with or without Sally Field? With, come on.
It's with Sally Field.
All right, what would you take? What's gonna blow my doors off? The Gran Torino from Starsky & Hutch.
- Ooh.
- With or without Huggy Bear? [Laughter.]
[Heroic music.]
[Laughs.]
Hello! Welcome to another episode of Comic Book Men, the only show that takes Groot to the root.
I'm your host, Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
Now, some people want to know the meaning of life.
I just want to know what happened at the Secret Stash this week.
Wrestling.
Were you into it as a kid? [Funky disco music.]
- Hey, guys.
How are you doing? - How's it going today? - What's up, man? - My name's Christopher Daniels.
This is Frankie Kazarian, and we're professional wrestlers that happen to be comic book fans, and we wanted to talk to you about a comic book that we wrote and created, and hopefully we can get you to carry it in the Secret Stash.
- Well, let's check it out.
- All right.
- So is this you two? - Yeah, this is us.
- That's us.
- So what made you guys want to make a comic book featuring yourselves in it? I wanted to make something for the younger wrestling fan, like, something for, you know, six, eight, ten-year-old kids.
So we actually are friends with Art Baltazar and Franco, the guys that did the art for the comic book, and I knew that they were the masters of, like, the "all-ages" comic.
So we wrote a story about Frankie and myself engaging with action cat and adventure bug, and next thing you know, there was a comic book.
- Yeah.
- That's amazing.
Oh, my goodness.
I was a big fan of, like, the old-school WWF Wrestlers Hulk Hogan, Randy "macho man" Savage.
- Andre The Giant.
- Andre The Giant, the ultimate, the biggest of all time.
I remember him wrestling Hulk hogan, and, you know, their big thing was Hulk body-slamming him, like, a 700-pound-plus guy.
I mean, it would be the equivalent of you lifting Bryan and body-slaing him right now, right? - Yeah.
- I'd love to see that.
Let's try it.
[Laughter.]
So did the comics get you into wrestling, or did the wrestling get you into comics? It seemed hand-in-hand, man.
Like, when I was young, like, I loved 'em both, and it was almost like wrestling was, like, a real-life comic book.
Basically, as close as you can get to a comic book on TV.
I didn't realize it until a couple years into wrestling that there is a huge crossover between wrestling fans and comic book fans.
Over the last couple years, we've actually incorporated our love of comics into our wrestling gear.
This was actually a show that we did at the San Diego Comic-Con a couple years back.
We did a match where it was Magneto versus Captain America.
And, of course, captain America won, because Yeah, I mean, you can't have kids thinking that evil wins.
Never, never, never.
Now with CGI, we can see people flying through the air, but back then, that was really the only way you saw two huge, muscular grown men jumping off ropes and slamming each other into the ground.
Every wrestling match has got a good guy and a bad guy, and you hope to see good triumph.
Sometimes it doesn't.
Sometimes the bad guys win.
It is very comic book.
Oh, yeah, I mean, you can see the influences are all over wrestling from comic books, from the over-the-top evil bad guys to the bright, colorful costumes.
Or the lack of costume.
The idea that you've got a job to do, so you strip down to your underwear to do it.
Do you guys have, like, a finishing move? We do have a finishing move.
We call it the "celebrity rehab.
" Basically, I flip a guy backwards, upside down, - right into his awaiting boot.
- Oh.
- Right in the face.
- Would you like us to show you? [Stammering.]
I think I get the picture.
Okay, just making sure.
Look, obviously you're in no condition to take a boot to the face, but I bet you this thumb could go one-on-one with one of these guys, huh? A little thumb-wrestling? I'll have you know Frankie is undefeated in 14 years - of thumb-wrestling.
Right? - Yes.
I'll have you know he's had his thumb up his ass - for eight years as well.
- That right? Wow, I don't know if I want to wrestle but, you know, but I'm telling you, I got a good feeling.
He's got something in him.
Well, let's warm this up a little bit.
You ready for this? Ready for this? Ready for this? - Let's do this.
- Hold on.
What are you doing to him? I'm gonna do that to you too.
- Ow! - All right.
Join hands.
Both: One, two, three, four I declare a thumb war.
Oh, whoa! That was close.
- Whoa, whoa! - Agh! Ooh! That was close.
Agh! [All shouting.]
One, two, three, four! Ming Chen for the win! - That was a fast count, right? - He got me.
In our business, that's called "doing the favors.
" That's right.
Exactly, exactly.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, you guys did us a favor, you know, by obviously letting him win, so we'll definitely buy the books from you today.
What are we looking at here, if I were to buy them outright? If we got $1 a copy, and then you guys could sell it for $2 or $3 or whatever you thought would be fair.
- How does that sound? - Definitely fair.
- Definitely doable.
- Awesome.
25 books there.
So $25 for you.
- Yeah, perfect.
- There you go.
- Thank you, sir.
- Thank you so much.
Who can I send the medical bill about my thumb? [Laughter.]
Hey guys! Oh! Secret Stashley! Hello.
- Hi.
- Hey, I'm Sarah.
I called about the Cyberman bust.
- Dr.
Who, right? - Yes.
Got it right here.
There he is.
Big Dr.
Who fan? Yes.
I went to Comic-Con as a soothsayer.
What was that? You don't know what a soothsayer is? I've got to be honest with you.
I'm not the biggest Dr.
Who fan.
It always sounds like it's a little bit - too British for my taste.
- Come on.
It's like, the doctor's gonna fight some monster or something, and then in the middle of it, he's like, "oh, hold on.
It's tea time.
" [Laughter.]
Ah, look at this guy.
I mean, tell me that doesn't look like any robot you ever seen before.
Ah, love it.
What's his name? - Cyberman.
- Cyberman? - Yeah.
- What's he do? It's basically a race of cybermen, and their mission is to go to worlds and convert everybody to a Cyberman, and they run around saying, "we're gonna delete you.
" You hear this, and it doesn't make me want to watch it.
What is the origin story of Dr.
Who? He comes from a race of time lords, and he goes out trying to right wrongs.
It's almost like quantum leap, but it's British.
For God's sake, throw a punch.
[Laughter.]
When did you get into Dr.
Who? - About two years ago, actually.
- Two years? Yeah, my husband and I were planning a wedding, and just the stress of everyday work and barely seeing each other, we only had, like, an allotted amount of time with each other.
Okay, so you're almost like what's it called? Like ships in the night? Yeah, for a while there, we were.
And so how does Dr.
Who come into play, then? Our friends told us we would really get into it, and then finally we sat down and got online and watched it.
So you've seen every episode now? I've seen 9 through the current doctor.
How many doctors have there been? - Technically? - Technically, yes.
Technically, 13, but we're on doctor 12 now.
So what if I was saying, "no, don't go technical"? - Ah, 12.
- 12? - Yeah.
- Tell the difference.
What's the difference? There's the War Doctor.
All right, so we're looking to get $125.
Should I box him up? I was wondering if you could do a little bit better than that.
It's an anniversary present for my husband.
$115? I was thinking, like, $90.
Uh, I no, I can't do $90.
Can you meet me at $100? Mm, yeah, we could do 100 bucks.
- Thank you.
- $100, please.
So what's hubby gonna say when he opens this up? Oh, he's gonna be so excited.
Thank you, guys.
- Happy anniversary.
- Bye.
Thank you.
[Fast-paced rock music.]
- Hey, guys.
- Hey! - Oh.
- Nice to meet you finally.
Secret Stashley, hello.
- Hi.
Hi, Ming.
- Hey, how you doing? - Thank you.
- What's up, Bryan? - Hello.
- How are you? All right.
How've you been? I'm good.
It's been a while since I've seen you.
Folks, I work in the movie business, which means I'm pretty much useless in every aspect of real life, so I got me one of them assistants you hear so much about.
Her name is Ashley.
She drives me around.
She runs errands and stuff like that.
When she's not doing that, she does a show called Jay and silent Bob's top five comic countdown with Secret Stashley.
Gather round, Stasheketeers.
It's time for another episode of Jay and silent Bob's top five comic countdown.
The idea is, she does the top five comics at Jay and silent Bob's Secret Stash.
The information is provided by our very own Ming and Mike, but she only really knows the Secret Stash from a distance, from the other side of the country.
So I said "we got to send you back east to see the store, "immerse yourself in the world of the stash, and meet the guys.
" I envision this week as being a baptism in fire.
- Oh, fun.
- What you're gonna gain this week is going to be immeasurable in terms of dollars or, I mean it's gonna be fantastic.
Is that your way of saying she's not getting paid? [Laughter.]
Damn it! He'll sneak it in on you.
Watch out.
It's not a job.
It's an adventure.
This is like a vacation.
- Oh, no.
- Whoa, whoa No, vacations are fun.
[Laughter.]
It's a 2014 Psylocke statue, only available at the San Diego Comic-Con.
- Oh, my gosh.
- They're not making any more.
- Good choice, girl.
Good choice.
- Oh, yeah.
There's a handful of space programs, when I'm a kid, that are in reruns, that I'm like, "space sucks.
" [Laughter.]
Space: 1999 the most boring treatment of space ever encountered.
I mean, when the best space show on TV in the '70s is space nuts The far out space nuts.
I mean, that's really saying a lot about the quality of space programming back in the day.
- Yeah.
- Give it to lost in space.
It's true, and you were a lost in space guy, but even that, to me, was boring.
It was just, like, the robot's like, "danger, danger" there's always danger.
Space was defined by George Lucas for me, so any attempt at it on TV was just like, "ugh, this is poor man's Star Wars.
" [Laughter.]
Well, right now we're pretty well stocked, so basically we're kind of in a sit-and-wait mode.
- Okay.
- We're kind of like if you ever watch national geographic, you'll see lions just waiting for, like, a pack of elks to walk by? That's kind of how we are.
We're kind of like lions.
- Oh, cool.
- Yeah.
We're waiting for the meat to come in, ready to strike.
We'll wait for that first customer to walk in, your first customer.
- That's always special.
- Fun.
And we'll see what happens.
So we only had Ashley for seven days.
I'm thinking, "how on earth can we teach her everything about comic book retailing in seven days?" I wasn't looking for everything, just an overview.
I thought, "let's just throw her right into the fire as soon as possible," you know? You only learn by doing.
That's my motto.
Hi.
- Hi.
- How you doing? Can I see the Psylocke statue that's in the front? Absolutely.
Ming, will you grab that statue, please? - Yeah, no problem.
- Good choice, girl.
- Oh, yeah.
- Good choice.
Oh, that is so cool.
It's the 2014 X-Force Psylocke statue, only available at the San Diego Comic-Con.
- Oh, my gosh.
- They're not making any more.
I like her stance, love the sword.
Even her nails are painted.
Oh, my God.
That's awesome.
How did you get into Psylocke? I watched the X-Men TV show in the early '90s, saw those, like, strong female characters, and I was just like, "this is awesome.
" She's just amazing.
Is she your all-time favorite? Yes.
She's really cool.
Yeah, well, I'm glad that you like it, because she's my favorite.
Ashley and the customer, real quick, I see they start to make a connection over the character Psylocke.
I was kind of surprised.
I mean, usually you don't see that that often, that quickly.
I think in most retail establishments, quick friendships are usually made at the counter, 'cause people are like, "hey, how are you? How are you? Have a nice day.
" But you're like, "these two are actually talking to each other "like there's mutual affection.
What species is this?" I've Cosplayed as Psylocke before - You have? - And have a purple wig.
And people always come up to me, and they're like, "oh, my God, is that your real hair?" And I'm like, "yeah!" Do you do, like, full butt out and everything? No, it's a little bit more covered in the back.
I don't have enough guts to, like, wear a thong around the costume floor.
I wouldn't either.
I don't even have the guts to wear a thong in my own apartment when I'm alone.
I'm like, "okay.
" Are you having fun, Walt? - Yes, yes.
- This is interesting.
- Are you learning a lot? - Sorry.
We're having a moment right now.
Leave us alone.
I don't want to say that it was uncomfortable.
I just felt like there was a little bit of an age difference, you know? I felt like the creepy old man, like, listening to these two young girls.
"They're talking about butt-floss, Bry!" "They are? They are?" All right, sounds like you're interested.
Yes.
Yeah, a little bit.
Yes, this really awesome.
I'm looking to get $125 for it today.
$125 Would you go $85? No, I couldn't do $85.
No, it is the San Diego con exclusive.
You're not gonna walk into every store and see it.
Best offer I can do, 100 bucks, and that is it.
I cannot go any lower than that.
Oh, man.
Yeah, I think I'd stick at, like, $85, 'cause I can probably find it online.
So, you know, I appreciate you showing it to me.
- And - All right.
- I understand.
- Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Umm, you have to get this right now.
Think about it.
If you want to spend $85 shipping and handling, that's gonna cost, what? 25 bucks? That's true.
You probably won't get it for a few weeks.
You can walk out of here right now with this.
Oh, man.
You make a good point with the shipping.
If you're willing to spend $85 plus shipping and handling, you might as well walk out of here right now with this.
- You got to get it.
- All right.
You convinced me.
100 bucks.
Yeah! Sold! - Just like I showed you.
- All right, ready? Yeah.
Sold.
- All right.
- There you go.
- Thanks so much, you guys.
- Ah, thank you.
- Bye.
- Bye! Do you think having a feminine touch behind the counter helped in this negotiation? That really was something that I didn't even realize we needed.
I mean, it was getting stuffy in there.
By the end of the day, we were all in thongs.
[Laughter.]
- Check this out.
- Oh, wow.
Oh, snap.
Is this a 1966 Batman utility belt? Yes, sir.
You're stranded on a desert island.
You can only take one comic book with you.
Which one's it gonna be, boys? Can I pick action number 1? That way, if I do get rescued, like, I'll also be rich.
Who's looking for you? - What about you, Mike? - You know what? - I'd bring sandman number 1.
- You know you're gonna get left hanging on that last page of issue 1.
Yeah, but I got something to look forward to when I get back, so Nobody's looking for you either.
What about you, Bry? For me, whatever has the most supple pages, so that when I roll it into a cylindrical form, just I'll pack a little bit of seaweed in there, make it nice and smooth.
I don't get it.
What are you implying here? I'm gonna [Bleep.]
the comic book.
Oh, okay.
[Laughter.]
[Upbeat music.]
- Hey, how you doing? - What's going on? Let's see something.
You guys, check this out.
- Oh, wow.
- Oh, snap.
Is this a 1966 Batman utility belt? Yes, sir.
Awesome.
Can we open it up, take a look at it? - Please do, check it out, man.
- Oh, look at this.
Oh, my goodness.
It's awesome, though.
It's gorgeous.
It's never been taken out of the box, huh? - Nope, nope.
- It's easily one of the best replicas I've ever seen of the '66 Batman belt.
- Where'd you get it? - Online.
Wasn't really what I was expecting.
- But - Why? I thought it was gonna be more like Frank Miller's dark knight rather than '66 Batman.
Got to be honest with you.
Frank Miller's one was very yellow.
I mean, what on earth do you see on this that you're like, "eh, I don't want it anymore"? It just reeks of Adam west to me.
Not an Adam west fan? No, it was a little too campy for me.
Me too.
Christian Bale he's a hunk.
Batman Adam West is hunky too, though.
She's crapping on the bat! How dare she! You know, she loves Batman, she says, but not that version of Batman.
You can't exclude any version of Batman, particularly Batman '66.
The old Batman TV show was the first introduction of that character to the mainstream.
Without that, you don't get to those Chris nolan movies, to the Tim Burton movies, so you got to respect that.
Sounds like you really want to unload it.
How come? The 75th anniversary coming around you got a lot of cool stuff coming out that's more my taste, I think, so All right, I'm definitely interested, you know, if the price is right.
How much you looking to get for it? I need to get $300 for it.
$300.
All right, dude, so honestly, just, like That's, like, way too much.
- What do you think? - This is what you're gonna do.
You're gonna sell me this for $175, and we're all gonna walk out happy.
Yikes.
Uh Um.
$175.
Deal.
Sounds good, man.
- There you go.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
We appreciate it.
- All right, guys.
- I'll see you later.
- Have a great day.
Wow.
What just happened there? What? That was easy.
- That was easy.
- This could be a whole new era of negotiation for the stash, man.
Yeah, like, let's get some more people in here.
That's fun.
Sounds like what you had on your hands was a case of feminine mystique.
Like, a girl jedi mind-tricks you with, like, "this is what's gonna happen.
" But, you know, you're like, "all right, yeah.
That sounds like a plan.
" [Laughter.]
Ashley, could you come back here for a second? We need to talk to you.
- Am I in trouble? - Not at all.
Oh, good.
What's up? The Secret Stash is kind of like the Avengers.
I would be Iron Man.
I have my Captain America in Mike.
I have my Thor in Bry, my Jarvis I don't know.
But I don't have a black widow.
I'd like to offer you a roster spot at the Secret Stash.
[Clears throat.]
I don't even know what to say.
My assistant? At the stash? I figured you can get another assistant.
There are probably hundreds of 'em out there in L.
A.
, right? Yeah, but, I mean, like, who's gonna pick me up and drive me pla who's gonna get my weed? [Laughter.]
I'm so flattered.
I can still be your black widow, but I just don't know if I could work here full-time.
Wait a minute.
So are you saying no? - No hard feelings, Walt.
- No, no, not at all.
- No hard feelings.
- I love you.
We're buddies.
We're here.
It's an excellent job for us.
We've been lucky enough to craft a world where we get to have the job that we dig.
But for her? The idea of sitting around, talking about Batman and all this stuff, and what if Walt and Bry kissed in the negative zone or something? If we kissed in the negative zone, it would shatter cosmos.
[Laughter.]
Oh, and just like sands through the hourglass of our man, these have been the days of our lives.
For Comic Book Men, I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
Everything is awesome, kids.
Everything is cool when you're part of a team.
Good night.