Comic Book Men s05e06 Episode Script

Stan Saves!

If you were dating Wonder Woman and you had to break up with her, how would you do it? Probably the most cowardly way possible, 'cause she could snap my neck in a heartbeat.
Who has she dated in the past? Like, has she dated? Steve Trevor? And who broke it off Steve Trevor? - Yeah.
- How'd he do it? He faked his death.
[laughter.]
I think if it came to it, I just wouldn't even fake it.
[laughter.]
I would just take the coward's way out.
Well, how would you? I'd write her a letter.
You know, who writes letters these days? A "Dear John" letter? I'd just I'd be scared to do it face-to-face.
I'd definitely want to be a fly on the wall as she read that letter.
Like, "You've got to be kidding me.
You've got to be kidding me.
" I've literally yet to meet the female that he's too good for.
[laughter.]
Like, suddenly it's Wonder Woman? [laughter.]
[heroic music.]
Hello, and welcome to another episode of "Comic Book Men," the only show that's fighting for your rights in our satin tights.
- I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
Ming Chen.
Okay, man, what went on in Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash this week? We had a dear friend come by the Stash, and he was able to spend the whole day with us.
[funk music.]
- Hey, how you doing? - Good.
I was looking to get, uh, "Fantastic Four" number 40 up there.
Give the man a "Fantastic Four" number 40, if that's what you're here for.
- You heard 'em.
- Ye yes, sir.
- Snap, snap.
- Yes, sir.
What? [laughter.]
We were lucky enough for him to be in town, and he was able to spend the whole day at the Stash.
Could you imagine walking into a comic book store and seeing Stan Lee on the other side of the counter? I would immediately leave.
I'm like, "This place is gonna be way overpriced.
" - [laughter.]
- It's crazy.
I mean, it's a reminder of just how great a job we have.
Sellin' comics and hanging out with Stan Lee I mean, it's almost like it's a dream.
I don't know if you know, but this guy right here He wrote this.
I-I'm well aware of that, yeah.
Okay, well, yeah [laughter.]
Okay, just wanted to make sure.
I just came here to get a comic book, and Stan Lee's sitting here.
I don't know I want to make sure they get a fair price for these stories that I wrote.
- "Fantastic Four" number 40.
- Oh, yeah.
Second part of "A Blind Man Shall Lead Them.
" God, I love the Fantastic Four.
That's all you're charging for it? It's it's not a high-grade copy, Stan.
It's got some issues with the spine.
It could be all wrinkled and torn, but it's my story! All right, all right, you don't care how you hurt a man.
What a bargain you'll be getting.
I was actually looking to get it for about $30.
Get that man out of the out of the store! Oh, sorry.
Sorry, sir, you're out of here.
No, really? Who has the gall to be like, "Hey, you I know it's your classic work, but I'd still like to get a little bit off"? [laughter.]
There are people who pay to meet the guy.
Mm-hmm, yeah.
And he's like, "Not only am I meeting you, but I want a discount.
" [laughter.]
It's it's unreal.
It's They're shameless.
They're shameless, Stan.
How about if I tell you something about Dr.
Doom that you had never thought of before? Okay.
Would that make the price a little bit more bearable to you? - I think so.
- Okay.
- Dr.
Doom, to me - Mm-hmm.
- Is not really a criminal.
- Oh.
What does he really want? He wants to take over the world, right? Okay, let's say you want to take over the world - just like Dr.
Doom.
- Okay.
And you're walking down the street, and you see a policeman or an FBI agent, and you walk over to 'em, you say, "Excuse me.
I want to take over the world.
" They can't arrest you.
It is not a crime to want to take over the world.
So why do they consider him a villain? All he wants to do is take over the world.
It was enlightening.
I had never, ever thought of Dr.
Doom in the way that, you know, Stan presented it that afternoon.
I don't think anyone else has either.
[laughter.]
I think, considering the fact that you're one of the few people now who knows that Dr.
Doom can't be classified as a criminal, that knowledge should make that price a little bit more, um - Palatable.
- Tenable.
So what do you think? You're lucky I don't off you after you heard that.
I know.
- I'll pay $39.
95 for that.
- All right.
Here you go.
All right.
Hey, you're getting a bargain.
So he's helping you out of a jam, this Stan Lee, man.
- He's like a buddy.
- He's more than a buddy.
He We should've gave him a staff shirt.
[laughter.]
Stan's gonna take you out of the Negative Zone into the Positive Zone.
Cash-positive.
[laughter.]
- Enjoy the book.
- Take care, guys.
Thanks a lot.
We'll settle up at the end of the day.
Okay.
[laughter.]
Wow.
That's an amazing way of looking at things.
- You have to.
- I never would've thought that.
It's all he wants to do.
He wants to rule the world.
I'd like to.
You'd like to.
You'd probably like to.
You don't give a damn.
- No, he doesn't.
- He's got my number.
[laughter.]
Hey, Stan, what was behind the "Playgirl" pose you did - back in the '70s? - [laughs.]
I thought people had forgotten about that.
Not us! "Avengers" 4, reprint and original record.
I instantly recognized what it was.
How could you not recognize Captain Ame Don't make it sound like you did something clever.
If you could write any character not in comics, in literature and movies, who would you pick? There are two that I'm very fond of.
- One is Sherlock Holmes - Oh, okay.
'Cause he also was very smart.
The other one was you may not know him as well - But the Scarlet Pimpernel.
- Oh, yeah.
And to me, that movie, with Leslie Howard, where he played an effete fop, an English guy, but he was really the Pimpernel He was like one of the first great superheroes, you know? But I was the only guy who realized it.
Nobody else had any idea.
Is that where they got that name, "pimp"? Pimpernel? You know, if he's gonna react like that, I-I'm gonna just talk to you, Walt.
- Hey, you know what? - I mean - That's fine.
- That makes our day.
I'm of a more serious bent.
You frivolous youngsters, I can't go along.
[laughter.]
It's almost like it's 1995 again, man.
That's when I first met Stan Lee on the set of "Mallrats," and that's where you guys met him as well.
And he was just as sweet then as he is today, man.
The energy, the humor I mean, he is an absolute joy to be around, and, of course, we got to ask him all the questions we've always wanted to ask.
Hey, Stan, I always wanted to know, what was behind the "Playgirl" pose you did back in the '70s? [laughs.]
Oh, jeez.
I thought people had forgotten about that.
- You mean - Not us! My Burt Reynolds pose? Yeah, yeah, the Burt Reynolds pose.
Well, what happened was Burt had done a photograph of himself in "Cosmopolitan" magazine.
And that got a lot of attention 'cause he was a big star at the time, and some idiot at Marvel came over to me "Hey, Stan, why don't you do a Burt Reynolds pose?" [laughter.]
Everybody else at Marvel said, "Yeah, what a great idea! What a great idea!" So I lay down on something and took off my clothes, except for my shorts [laughter.]
But I covered the shorts up with a comic.
I was hoping people would say, "What a great build he has!" But they just said, "What would make that dummy do a photo like this!" [laughter.]
At a certain point, you know, Stan, uh, wanted to go grab a bite, and while he did, we had a reservist come in A guy who comes in weekly and buys his comics.
We kind of put 'em on the side for him.
- Hey, Andrew, what's up? - How are ya? - Got your comics ready to go.
- Thank you.
[sighs.]
I got some bad news.
What's wrong? This is the end of my pull list.
- I'm done collecting comics.
- What? It's just one of those things, you know.
I'm a middle-aged man.
I never thought I would outgrow comics, but I have.
I just Maybe you have major depression.
Go take some medicine, come back.
[laughter.]
- Cuttin' the comic cord? - Yes.
Really? It's sad to see somebody lose their passion, and for a business, it's sad to see a reservist go, but it's not financial as much as, like, just watchin' somebody you knew was down with the cause go away.
That's why I broke the glass on the cyanide capsule.
- [laughter.]
- Crunch! You were a great customer, Andrew, and, you know Stop in whenever you want, though.
- Thank you.
- All right? Sorry to lose you.
- Painful, look away.
- Whew.
[rock music.]
I just can't believe it.
I mean, he's been coming here for 15 years, every Wednesday, like clockwork.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Stan.
Hi.
You all look kind of downcast.
What's wrong? Uh, we had a customer who's been coming here for 15 years.
He just told us that, um, he's lost his passion for comics - and - Oh, for gosh sakes.
He's not coming back anymore.
You've lost a true believer, you might say.
See, the thing is, guys, I've run into this before.
There are ways to bring them back, I think.
I-in fact, is the fellow around here now? Can you get him? It'd be kind of nice to talk to him.
- We can call him.
- Why don't you do that? You don't win 'em all, but I think if we make a good, solid try, we might be able to bring him back into the fold.
It's almost like an exorcism.
[laughter.]
But we're gonna do what we can, damn it.
Obviously, you want as much as you can tear out of these guys.
Already, he's looking to see, "Is there a tear somewhere?" - Yeah, yep.
- "Is there a soup stain on it?" Andrew, I'd like you to meet somebody.
I've heard a lot about you.
I'm Stan Lee.
Good to meet you, Stan.
Stan, tell 'em the story about how you almost quit comics.
Well, it was just before "The Fantastic Four.
" I had been writing the kind of stories my publisher wanted me to write, and he said, "Don't worry about dialogue, "characterization, or any of that.
"Give me action! I want fight scenes on every page!" I said, "But how about we tell some stories also?" "Of course you have a story, but it's the action that they want.
" After a couple of years of that, I went home, and I said to my wife, "Joanie, I'm gonna quit.
This isn't writing.
Anybody could do this.
" And she said, "Stan, if you want to quit, "why don't you do one book the way you want to do it? "He'll probably fire you for it, "but what do you care if you're fired? You want to quit anyway.
" So that sounded like sage advice.
And I did "The Fantastic Four," and, luckily, it sold, and the rest is history.
What do you say to the end of that, except "Excelsior"? Excelsior.
[laughter.]
Hey, what about when When Marvel decided - to kill Gwen Stacy? - Oh! I-I heard that they didn't even let you know.
Well, we gave the writers a lot of freedom.
So I had to go to Europe on a business trip, and I said, um, to I You know, I forgot the name of the writer.
- Gerry Conway? - Gerry Conway! See, the reason I've tried to forget his name is I hate him [laughter.]
Because while While I was in Europe, he killed Gwen Stacy.
I didn't want to kill her.
But what bothered me the most, a few issues earlier, I had killed Gwen Stacy's father.
- Captain Stacy.
- Yeah, Captain Stacy.
And it looked like we had some sort of a hatred for the Stacys.
Like we were out to destroy them, which, of course, was not the case.
Uh, if so, if Gwen had lived Oh, oh, oh.
- And it was up to you - If only she had.
Who would Peter Parker have chose to marry? Would it have been Gwen or Mary Jane? You know, honest to gosh, I don't know.
I thought I'd let the series keep going on, and sooner or later, it would come to me.
- Oh.
- It never did.
Like the Betty and Veronica thing.
How can you mention "Archie" - in the same breath - [laughing.]
- I'm sorry.
- I'll slap him.
Oh, uh, wait a minute.
Obviously this is somebody who wants to buy or sell, and that's more important than anything we have to say.
- Yes, sir.
- It's a customer.
- I am a customer.
- In capital letters A CUSTOMER! I have something that you would probably know about, Stan.
It's the Golden Records "Avengers" 4 reprint and original record.
Oh, man.
This record really was good.
It's a talking record of this story.
Yeah, originally they came together so the kids could listen to the record and then flip along with the comic.
How it could've been so good without me having a role in it, - I'll never know.
- [laughs.]
Now, you want to sell these, so obviously you want as much as you can tear out of these guys.
- And you want to hold him down.
- Ehh [laughter.]
You're Already, he's looking to see, "Is there a tear somewhere?" - Yeah.
- "Is there a soup stain on it?" All right, I'll let you talk for a minute before I arbitrate this matter.
All right, all right, um, where'd you get it? I actually got it at a antique market, and I instantly recognized what it was, and, uh How could you not recognize Captain Ame Don't make it sound like you did something clever.
Anybody could recognize Captain I did the research, and I knew it.
No, I shouldn't You don't talk to customers that way.
Forgive That was really clever - of you to recognize that, right? - Thank you.
Oh, thank you.
It's rare.
I-I haven't seen one of these ever come through the store.
It was a reprint of the first time Captain America comes back into the Marvel Universe, and we got a lot of insight into what Stan was thinking.
Captain America had been one of my favorites when I was young, but then they stopped publishing it, and when I became the editor, I said to myself, "Why don't you bring back this guy that you yourself liked so much?" So, in order to bring him back, we claimed that he had fallen off an airplane during the war or something, and he landed in a glacier and was frozen over.
And he was finally discovered.
They thawed him out, and there he was Captain America but it was 20 years later.
I mean, suddenly he had woken up at a time when we had hippies - [chuckles.]
- And we had protest marches and we had rock music and all that kind of stuff, and he felt he was a man out of time.
And it worked.
Right now he's one of the most popular guys in "The Avengers.
" Even though I didn't create him myself, - and I hate to say that - [chuckles.]
He's a great character, and I like him.
Having Stan in the store and having him talk Would it be like having, like, Shakespeare come into the store? Absolutely, or I would put it right up there with, like, the framers of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence.
Some people'd be like, "You're ridiculous.
It birthed a nation.
" He birthed more than a nation.
He birthed a universe Marvel Universe.
[laughter.]
All right, so what are you looking to get for it? - I'd like to get $450.
- $450, huh? The sleeve has definitely seen better days.
The comic has got some soft edges.
How about $300? How about, uh How about $400? Hmm.
I think I could do $325.
I can do it for $350.
All right, I can do it for $350.
- Okay.
- Deal.
[cash register clicking.]
- There you go, my friend.
- Fantastic.
- Take it easy.
- Take care.
Huh? Wow.
I'm never gonna try to sell you anything.
[laughter.]
Andrew, how could you ever think of giving up comics? Shh.
You know, I wrote "The Fantastic Four," "The X-Men," "Spider-Man," "The Hulk," just about all of the superhero stories in the beginning, on one little typewriter I had.
My wife has something of a temper, and we were having an argument one day, and she said, "Oh, yeah? I'll show you!" And she lifted up that little, innocent typewriter - and smashed it.
- Whoa.
I said, "Honey, do you know what we could probably auction the typewriter on which all these stories were written?" Oh, she couldn't apologize enough, but then a friend of mine said, "Why don't you go to an antique shop, buy a similar typewriter, and put it on auction?" And I had to reply, "Because I'm an idiot.
"I've told the story" [laughter.]
"Of my wife breaking it all over town!" [laughter.]
- Uh-oh.
- Oh.
- Andrew.
- Hey, guys.
I'd like you to meet somebody.
Andrew, I've heard a lot about you.
- I'm Stan Lee.
- Good to meet you, Stan.
Pleasure.
I was hoping to meet you, because I heard that you've sort of given up on comics, - on collecting comics.
- Yeah.
Well, there are certain things it's hard to lose your passion for.
There's women, and there's movies, and there's comic books for me.
[laughter.]
Come on, man, you got Stan Lee standing next to you.
I mean, it's one thing if you're like, "Come on, Andrew, stay with us.
" But then you've got the granddaddy of 'em all standing behind you, going, "Stay with us, Spider-friend.
" [laughter.]
See, the thing about a comic book And maybe you've been reading them so much that sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees.
It's literature.
It's artwork.
It's food for the imagination.
Everything about them is inspirational.
You know, it's not the books.
They've been a friend of mine since I was a kid.
I think they're as well-written as they've ever been.
But at this point, I've just lost my interest in comic books.
Hey, it's nothing to me if you never read another comic, but you once had a great feeling for them, and I just wanted to give you a second chance to think about what you're giving up.
It's more than just some books.
It's it's You're giving up a whole way of life.
I just wanted a chance to tell you that.
You know what my first book I ever bought was? What was that? - "Amazing Spider-Man" 124.
- You're kidding.
And you remember that.
How can you ever think of giving up comics when they obviously mean much to you? Or you wouldn't even remember that.
I was collecting when it was uncool.
Now it's kind of cool to be a comic collector and You're still not cool.
Don't worry.
- [laughter.]
- I was writing them when they were uncool.
What was the first comic that you ever wrote? I think it was a "Captain America," and then I was told to make up a few new ones, - and I made up the Sub-Mariner.
- Shh.
You had me at "Captain America.
" - [laughter.]
- Oh! I'm back.
Mission accomplished.
- Mm, yeah.
- Huh? Did you ever doubt it? Now it just means that anytime a reservist tries to leave, got to get Stan Lee in the store.
[laughter.]
So you'll be back next week? I'll be here next week, Walter.
- Oh, that is good news to me.
- Welcome home.
And I hope it's good news to you also.
Absolutely.
Thank you, Mr.
Lee.
Okay.
I feel like a religious leader, and somebody has come back into the fold.
- [laughter.]
- Welcome back.
And I'll end it with, "Excelsior!" all: Oh! [applause.]
Whoo! We don't know who wrote the Greek myths.
We don't know who created all the Roman gods, but we know that Stan Lee created a modern mythology that'll outlive us all and they'll still be talkin' about hundreds of years from now.
They'll be telling stories about Hulk and Spider-Man and Captain America forever.
His imagination will afford him eternity.
It'll never happen again.
Nobody will ever be responsible for that many icons ever.
Oh, my stars and garters, that's all the time we have.
For "Comic Book Men," I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
Never skate around comics, kids.
Always raise the Stan Lee Cup.
Good night.

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