Danny Phantom (2004) s01e01 Episode Script
Mystery Meat
So Danny, you and little friends want to hunt ghosts.
Uh actually, dad, I want to be an astronaut.
Sorry Mr Fenton, I was into ghosts, but they're so mainstream now.
They're like cellphones.
Waste these looks and all this charisma hunting ghosts? Criminal.
Well if you do want to hunt ghosts, there are a few things you need to learn.
Oh no, this isn't good.
True, I've never seen a ghost.
But when I do I'll be prepared.
And so will you, whether you want to be or not.
It all starts with your equipment.
Sam, Tucker, this is the Fenton thermos, it's supposed to trap ghosts.
But since it doesn't work yet, it's just a thermos.
A thermos with the word Fenton in front of it.
And that, that is the Fenton portal.
It releases ghosts into our world whether I want it to or not.
Someday, I'll figure out how that works too.
Now, who wants to hunt some ghosts? You kids, look at you! You're too excited to speak! So I'll just go on speaking.
I was born many years ago in a log cabin in the woods.
Don't exactly remember where but I do know I wanted a pony.
Never got the pony.
As a matter of fact we had to eat horsemeat during the war.
I had a problem with that.
Danny Phantom Season 1 Episode 1 Mystery Meat He's a phantom.
Danny Phantom.
Yo, Danny Fenton he was just fourteen, when his parents built a very strange machine.
It was designed to view a world unseen.
He's gonna catch them all, coz he's Danny Phantom When it didn't quite work, his folks, they just quit, then Danny took a look inside of it.
There was a great big flash, everything just changed.
His molecules got all rearranged.
(Phantom, Phantom) When he first woke up, he realised, he had snow white hair, and glowing green eyes he could walk through walls, disappear and fly he was much more unique than the other guy.
It was then that he knew what he had to do, he had to stop all the ghosts that were coming through.
He's here to fight for me and you.
He's gonna catch them all, coz he's Danny Phantom Gonna catch them all, coz he's Danny Phantom Gonna catch them all, coz he's Danny Phantom Mystery Meat All New! In terrifying Meat Vision.
Ee-arrh! Okay, two more days, and it's done.
What did you say? It's done? The Fenton finder is done! This baby uses satellites to lead you right to the ghosts! It, uses what, to, track what? Welcome, to the Fenton finder.
A ghost is near.
Walk forward.
Ghost located.
Thank you for using the Fenton finder.
What? Oh that can't be right.
Actually, I need to tell you guys something.
That's not all you need, Danny.
You need guidance, and parents who can provide it.
Sweetie I know what we do doesn't make sense sometimes but you're only Sixteen, biologically.
But psychologically, I'm an adult.
And I will not allow your insane obsession with ghosts to pollute the mind of this impressionable little child! Come, you abused unwanted wretch, I'll drive you to school.
Huh, that's weird.
Jasmine never offers to drive Danny to school.
That can only mean one thing.
That's not our daughter, that's a ghost.
Danny no, it's a trap! I think I should tell them.
Why? Parents don't listen.
Even worse, they don't understand.
Why can't they accept me for who I am?! Sam, I'm talking about my powers, my problems? Oh, right.
Me.
.
too.
It's been a month since the accident and I still barely have any control.
If somebody catches me I go from geek to freak around here.
Kind of like what you're doing now? Ee-hyuh! Oh darn it! If my dad can invent something that accidentally made me half ghost, why can't he invent something that turns me back to normal? Danny, your powers make you unique, unique is good.
That's why I'm an ultra recyclo-vegetarian.
Which means, what? She doesn't eat anything with a face on it.
Oh who cares about that stuff.
Danny, two words: meat connoisseur.
Last night, you had sloppy joes.
Impressive.
Meat heightens the senses, and my all-meat streak is fourteen years strong.
And it's about to end.
The school board finally agreed to try a new cafeteria menu.
I wore them down.
Wait, what did you do? What is this, grass on a bun? What have you done? Tucker, it's time for a change.
Ooh, somebody changed the menu.
Maybe this is a bad idea.
No, it's perfect.
When Jazz gets home, we suck the ghost out of her with the Fenton Extractor.
But what if Jazz isn't a ghost? What if we accidentally hurt her? Maddie, the Fenton Extractor doesn't hurt humans.
Unless it gets in your hair.
ARRRRHHHHHH! See? Don't you think this is a little extreme, Sam? Ah, Miss Manson.
The school board wanted me to personally thank you for ushering in this welcome experiment to our cafeteria.
Meat.
Near.
No no, the rumors about the new all-steak buffet in the teachers lounge is completely untrue.
Thanks again.
Yeah, thanks again for making us eat garbage,Sam.
It's not garbage, it's recyclable organic matter.
It's garbage.
Uhh, guys? I've got a problem.
Urrhh! FENTON! Make that two problems.
I ordered three mud pies.
Do you know what they gave me? Three, mud, pies! With mud! From the ground! All because of your girlfriend! She's not my girlfriend! I'm not his girlfriend! Uh, yuhh! These are the best years of my life.
After high school it's all downhill for me.
How am I supposed to enjoy my glory days eating mud? Actually, it's top soil.
Whatever! Eat it.
All of it.
Eh, erm.
.
Garbage fight! It's not garbage, it's.
.
! You're gonna pay for this, Fenton! Oh great, I'm still his favourite.
Huh, she shouldn't be so bad.
She looks a little like my grandmother.
Shouldn't she be haunting a bingo hall? Hello children, can you help me? Today's lunch is meat loaf, but I don't see the meat loaf.
Did someone change the menu? Yeah, she did.
You changed the menu?! The menu has been the same for fifty years! Get behind me! Wow, I feel safe.
I'm going ghost! I command you to.
.
go away! Well if the super hero thing doesn't work out, I can have an exciting career as a bus boy.
I control lunch.
Lunch is sacred.
Lunch has rules! Anybody want cake? Too bad! Children who change my menu do not get dessert! Hey! It worked! This is the thanks I get for thinking like an individual? Steak.
Rib eye.
???.
Medium rare.
But where did they come from? Lancer.
Esteemed Casper High faculty, I present your all-steak buffet.
Paradise, lost! Prepare to learn why meat is the most powerful of the five food groups.
Cookie? Then perish! Forget it! The only thing that has an expiration date here, is you! Whoops.
I didn't mean to do that.
RAAARRGGHH! Come on, change back, we gotta go! You two aren't going anywhere.
Told you you'll pay, Fenton.
Tucker Foley.
Chronic tardiness, talking in class, repeated loitering by the girls' locker room.
.
Danny Fenton.
Thirty-four dropped beakers in the last month, banned for life from handling all fragile school property, but no severe mischief before today.
So gentlemen, tell me, why did the two of you, conspire to destroy the school cafeteria?! Dash started it, he threw.
.
Four touchdown passes in the last game, is thereby exempt from squat ???.
You two, however, are not.
I'll mete out your punishment when I return.
Mr Baxter, watch the door.
We gotta find sam! For some reason, I feel like I got her kidnapped.
Maybe because you told the ghost she changed the menu? How about that? That steak is still in the building.
???, tops.
Check it out.
Meat trail.
Gentlemen, your punishment will be.
.
worse, then you can imagine.
Sweet mother of mutton! I've dreamed of it but, I never thought I'll live to see it.
How is it that I have the ghost powers, and you're the weird kid? Ahahahaha! My dear child.
Meat is good for kids.
It helps them grow and makes them smile.
Why won't you eat it? We don't need meat, that's fat.
Silence! You need discipline, manners, respect.
You know where that comes from? Meat! Chicken, or fish? I'll take care of the ghost.
You just find a way to get Sam out of that pile of meat.
Way ahead of you.
I'll have you free in no time, Sam.
You've got to be kidding me.
Don't you see, this is why you need meat! You're skin and bone! AAARGGHH! Help's on the way, buddy.
Aaaahhh! RAAARRGGHH! Run? Run.
Wahhhh! Wahhhh! Gee Danny, fighting meat monsters, flying through walls, you must be exhausted.
What, of course not, what would.
.
give you that idea.
Mom, dad? Now, Maddie, hit her! I'm moving in! Get my back! This is all going in the memoir.
Hey, Mr and Mrs Fenton, what a school day.
Poor Danny nodded off.
We figure we'll just carry him all the way home and tuck him into bed without any parental interaction whatsoever.
Don't get up, we know where to go.
Bye! Hmm.
Jack, Danny is not a ghost.
You're right.
Jazz is.
Ha-huh who--, what's going on? You passed out.
We took you home.
You've been asleep for four days! Four days?! Hahahah, nah it's only been a couple hours.
Knock it off, Tucker.
This is the second time today your carelessness almost got him killed.
Me? I almost got him killed? The only reason this happened is because you had to be unique, you had to take the meat away.
And I'm going to get it back.
You want to change that menu back, you're gonna have to go through me to do it! Ah, well, I'm sure everything will be back to normal by tomorrow.
Or, not.
Maybe it'll be worse.
What do we want? MEAT! When do we want it? NOW! Veggies now, veggies forever! Veggies now, veggies forever! You guys put together two protests in one night? Meat eaters, Danny, always ready to fight.
And our high protein diets give us the energy we need to do it quickly.
Ultra recyclo-vegetarians are always ready to protest, and because we don't have to waste time cooking our food, we can move even faster.
Don't you guys think this is a little extreme? No choice buddy, you're either with me, or you're against him! So whose side are you on?! Ahahahahahahaha! RAAARRGGHH! It's lunch time! Meat, why have you betrayed me? Guys, time to make up, now! Spike, you have to open up to your parents, be true to yourself and to them.
Tell them how you feel.
I mean, it's not like they're going to attack you or anything.
Wah-ahhh! I've got her! And the Fenton Grappler is working like a charm.
I don't understand.
If Jazz is a ghost, why isn't she phased through the net? Because I am not a ghost! You've ambushed me, suffocated me with smoke, and worse, I was pulled away from Spike before he had his breakthrough! What do you have to say for yourselves? Eat hot Fenton thermos, ghost girl! Hmpt.
Darn thing still doesn't work.
He really is getting better.
I sure hope he can take a punch! There's your water, Sir.
Thanks! I, Jack Fenton, from this day forth to hereby turn my back on ghosts.
Oh dear, what a mess, are you okay? Yeah, I think so.
Tough, because you being okay is not part of my balanced diet of doom! Wasn't expecting that.
Or that.
Uaahhhh! And this thermos can't trap ghosts, because ghosts don't exist.
The Fenton thermos, but how am I going to get it to work? Aahhhhh! Change back, change back! Thanks for the thermos! HAH! Ghost kid! I was right! You were wrong, ghosts exist! Hahahah I never doubted it for a second! Hahahah! No! Soup's not on today's menu! I'm changing the menu, permanently! Please work! I hope I'm right! Noooo! What happened? Where's the ghost? My parents have their moments.
Ghost directly ahead.
You would have to be some sort of moron to not notice the ghost directly ahead.
Oh, sorry dad, you just missed him.
We got a runner! Great, back to square one.
So, you're not going to tell them? Nah, I think I might have finally figured out what these powers are for.
They make me.
.
In a world of trouble.
Manson! Pick up that T-bone.
With my hands? Foley! Pick up that turfwich.
With my hands? Hahahahahahahahahahah! Fenton! A little help? Whatever you say, Dash.
Whatever you say.
Uh actually, dad, I want to be an astronaut.
Sorry Mr Fenton, I was into ghosts, but they're so mainstream now.
They're like cellphones.
Waste these looks and all this charisma hunting ghosts? Criminal.
Well if you do want to hunt ghosts, there are a few things you need to learn.
Oh no, this isn't good.
True, I've never seen a ghost.
But when I do I'll be prepared.
And so will you, whether you want to be or not.
It all starts with your equipment.
Sam, Tucker, this is the Fenton thermos, it's supposed to trap ghosts.
But since it doesn't work yet, it's just a thermos.
A thermos with the word Fenton in front of it.
And that, that is the Fenton portal.
It releases ghosts into our world whether I want it to or not.
Someday, I'll figure out how that works too.
Now, who wants to hunt some ghosts? You kids, look at you! You're too excited to speak! So I'll just go on speaking.
I was born many years ago in a log cabin in the woods.
Don't exactly remember where but I do know I wanted a pony.
Never got the pony.
As a matter of fact we had to eat horsemeat during the war.
I had a problem with that.
Danny Phantom Season 1 Episode 1 Mystery Meat He's a phantom.
Danny Phantom.
Yo, Danny Fenton he was just fourteen, when his parents built a very strange machine.
It was designed to view a world unseen.
He's gonna catch them all, coz he's Danny Phantom When it didn't quite work, his folks, they just quit, then Danny took a look inside of it.
There was a great big flash, everything just changed.
His molecules got all rearranged.
(Phantom, Phantom) When he first woke up, he realised, he had snow white hair, and glowing green eyes he could walk through walls, disappear and fly he was much more unique than the other guy.
It was then that he knew what he had to do, he had to stop all the ghosts that were coming through.
He's here to fight for me and you.
He's gonna catch them all, coz he's Danny Phantom Gonna catch them all, coz he's Danny Phantom Gonna catch them all, coz he's Danny Phantom Mystery Meat All New! In terrifying Meat Vision.
Ee-arrh! Okay, two more days, and it's done.
What did you say? It's done? The Fenton finder is done! This baby uses satellites to lead you right to the ghosts! It, uses what, to, track what? Welcome, to the Fenton finder.
A ghost is near.
Walk forward.
Ghost located.
Thank you for using the Fenton finder.
What? Oh that can't be right.
Actually, I need to tell you guys something.
That's not all you need, Danny.
You need guidance, and parents who can provide it.
Sweetie I know what we do doesn't make sense sometimes but you're only Sixteen, biologically.
But psychologically, I'm an adult.
And I will not allow your insane obsession with ghosts to pollute the mind of this impressionable little child! Come, you abused unwanted wretch, I'll drive you to school.
Huh, that's weird.
Jasmine never offers to drive Danny to school.
That can only mean one thing.
That's not our daughter, that's a ghost.
Danny no, it's a trap! I think I should tell them.
Why? Parents don't listen.
Even worse, they don't understand.
Why can't they accept me for who I am?! Sam, I'm talking about my powers, my problems? Oh, right.
Me.
.
too.
It's been a month since the accident and I still barely have any control.
If somebody catches me I go from geek to freak around here.
Kind of like what you're doing now? Ee-hyuh! Oh darn it! If my dad can invent something that accidentally made me half ghost, why can't he invent something that turns me back to normal? Danny, your powers make you unique, unique is good.
That's why I'm an ultra recyclo-vegetarian.
Which means, what? She doesn't eat anything with a face on it.
Oh who cares about that stuff.
Danny, two words: meat connoisseur.
Last night, you had sloppy joes.
Impressive.
Meat heightens the senses, and my all-meat streak is fourteen years strong.
And it's about to end.
The school board finally agreed to try a new cafeteria menu.
I wore them down.
Wait, what did you do? What is this, grass on a bun? What have you done? Tucker, it's time for a change.
Ooh, somebody changed the menu.
Maybe this is a bad idea.
No, it's perfect.
When Jazz gets home, we suck the ghost out of her with the Fenton Extractor.
But what if Jazz isn't a ghost? What if we accidentally hurt her? Maddie, the Fenton Extractor doesn't hurt humans.
Unless it gets in your hair.
ARRRRHHHHHH! See? Don't you think this is a little extreme, Sam? Ah, Miss Manson.
The school board wanted me to personally thank you for ushering in this welcome experiment to our cafeteria.
Meat.
Near.
No no, the rumors about the new all-steak buffet in the teachers lounge is completely untrue.
Thanks again.
Yeah, thanks again for making us eat garbage,Sam.
It's not garbage, it's recyclable organic matter.
It's garbage.
Uhh, guys? I've got a problem.
Urrhh! FENTON! Make that two problems.
I ordered three mud pies.
Do you know what they gave me? Three, mud, pies! With mud! From the ground! All because of your girlfriend! She's not my girlfriend! I'm not his girlfriend! Uh, yuhh! These are the best years of my life.
After high school it's all downhill for me.
How am I supposed to enjoy my glory days eating mud? Actually, it's top soil.
Whatever! Eat it.
All of it.
Eh, erm.
.
Garbage fight! It's not garbage, it's.
.
! You're gonna pay for this, Fenton! Oh great, I'm still his favourite.
Huh, she shouldn't be so bad.
She looks a little like my grandmother.
Shouldn't she be haunting a bingo hall? Hello children, can you help me? Today's lunch is meat loaf, but I don't see the meat loaf.
Did someone change the menu? Yeah, she did.
You changed the menu?! The menu has been the same for fifty years! Get behind me! Wow, I feel safe.
I'm going ghost! I command you to.
.
go away! Well if the super hero thing doesn't work out, I can have an exciting career as a bus boy.
I control lunch.
Lunch is sacred.
Lunch has rules! Anybody want cake? Too bad! Children who change my menu do not get dessert! Hey! It worked! This is the thanks I get for thinking like an individual? Steak.
Rib eye.
???.
Medium rare.
But where did they come from? Lancer.
Esteemed Casper High faculty, I present your all-steak buffet.
Paradise, lost! Prepare to learn why meat is the most powerful of the five food groups.
Cookie? Then perish! Forget it! The only thing that has an expiration date here, is you! Whoops.
I didn't mean to do that.
RAAARRGGHH! Come on, change back, we gotta go! You two aren't going anywhere.
Told you you'll pay, Fenton.
Tucker Foley.
Chronic tardiness, talking in class, repeated loitering by the girls' locker room.
.
Danny Fenton.
Thirty-four dropped beakers in the last month, banned for life from handling all fragile school property, but no severe mischief before today.
So gentlemen, tell me, why did the two of you, conspire to destroy the school cafeteria?! Dash started it, he threw.
.
Four touchdown passes in the last game, is thereby exempt from squat ???.
You two, however, are not.
I'll mete out your punishment when I return.
Mr Baxter, watch the door.
We gotta find sam! For some reason, I feel like I got her kidnapped.
Maybe because you told the ghost she changed the menu? How about that? That steak is still in the building.
???, tops.
Check it out.
Meat trail.
Gentlemen, your punishment will be.
.
worse, then you can imagine.
Sweet mother of mutton! I've dreamed of it but, I never thought I'll live to see it.
How is it that I have the ghost powers, and you're the weird kid? Ahahahaha! My dear child.
Meat is good for kids.
It helps them grow and makes them smile.
Why won't you eat it? We don't need meat, that's fat.
Silence! You need discipline, manners, respect.
You know where that comes from? Meat! Chicken, or fish? I'll take care of the ghost.
You just find a way to get Sam out of that pile of meat.
Way ahead of you.
I'll have you free in no time, Sam.
You've got to be kidding me.
Don't you see, this is why you need meat! You're skin and bone! AAARGGHH! Help's on the way, buddy.
Aaaahhh! RAAARRGGHH! Run? Run.
Wahhhh! Wahhhh! Gee Danny, fighting meat monsters, flying through walls, you must be exhausted.
What, of course not, what would.
.
give you that idea.
Mom, dad? Now, Maddie, hit her! I'm moving in! Get my back! This is all going in the memoir.
Hey, Mr and Mrs Fenton, what a school day.
Poor Danny nodded off.
We figure we'll just carry him all the way home and tuck him into bed without any parental interaction whatsoever.
Don't get up, we know where to go.
Bye! Hmm.
Jack, Danny is not a ghost.
You're right.
Jazz is.
Ha-huh who--, what's going on? You passed out.
We took you home.
You've been asleep for four days! Four days?! Hahahah, nah it's only been a couple hours.
Knock it off, Tucker.
This is the second time today your carelessness almost got him killed.
Me? I almost got him killed? The only reason this happened is because you had to be unique, you had to take the meat away.
And I'm going to get it back.
You want to change that menu back, you're gonna have to go through me to do it! Ah, well, I'm sure everything will be back to normal by tomorrow.
Or, not.
Maybe it'll be worse.
What do we want? MEAT! When do we want it? NOW! Veggies now, veggies forever! Veggies now, veggies forever! You guys put together two protests in one night? Meat eaters, Danny, always ready to fight.
And our high protein diets give us the energy we need to do it quickly.
Ultra recyclo-vegetarians are always ready to protest, and because we don't have to waste time cooking our food, we can move even faster.
Don't you guys think this is a little extreme? No choice buddy, you're either with me, or you're against him! So whose side are you on?! Ahahahahahahaha! RAAARRGGHH! It's lunch time! Meat, why have you betrayed me? Guys, time to make up, now! Spike, you have to open up to your parents, be true to yourself and to them.
Tell them how you feel.
I mean, it's not like they're going to attack you or anything.
Wah-ahhh! I've got her! And the Fenton Grappler is working like a charm.
I don't understand.
If Jazz is a ghost, why isn't she phased through the net? Because I am not a ghost! You've ambushed me, suffocated me with smoke, and worse, I was pulled away from Spike before he had his breakthrough! What do you have to say for yourselves? Eat hot Fenton thermos, ghost girl! Hmpt.
Darn thing still doesn't work.
He really is getting better.
I sure hope he can take a punch! There's your water, Sir.
Thanks! I, Jack Fenton, from this day forth to hereby turn my back on ghosts.
Oh dear, what a mess, are you okay? Yeah, I think so.
Tough, because you being okay is not part of my balanced diet of doom! Wasn't expecting that.
Or that.
Uaahhhh! And this thermos can't trap ghosts, because ghosts don't exist.
The Fenton thermos, but how am I going to get it to work? Aahhhhh! Change back, change back! Thanks for the thermos! HAH! Ghost kid! I was right! You were wrong, ghosts exist! Hahahah I never doubted it for a second! Hahahah! No! Soup's not on today's menu! I'm changing the menu, permanently! Please work! I hope I'm right! Noooo! What happened? Where's the ghost? My parents have their moments.
Ghost directly ahead.
You would have to be some sort of moron to not notice the ghost directly ahead.
Oh, sorry dad, you just missed him.
We got a runner! Great, back to square one.
So, you're not going to tell them? Nah, I think I might have finally figured out what these powers are for.
They make me.
.
In a world of trouble.
Manson! Pick up that T-bone.
With my hands? Foley! Pick up that turfwich.
With my hands? Hahahahahahahahahahah! Fenton! A little help? Whatever you say, Dash.
Whatever you say.