Darkwing Duck (1991) s01e01 Episode Script

# Daring duck of mystery # Champion of right # Swoops out of the shadows # Darkwing owns the night # Somewhere some villain schemes # But his number's up Three.
Two.
One # Darkwing Duck # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck Let's get dangerous.
# Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck! # Cloud of smoke and he appears # A master of surprise # Who's that cunning mind behind # That shadowy disguise? # Nobody knows for sure # But bad guys are out of luck.
'Cause here comes - # Darkwing Duck - # Look out! # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Better watch out.
You bad boys # Darkwing Duck! (sirens wailing) (Darkwing) This is the city of St.
Canard.
Like any other major metropolis.
It has its problems with the criminal element.
Another order of dastardly delinquents deposited on your doorstep, courtesy of Darkwing Duck.
That's two words, not three.
Both D's capitalized.
Here's my photo.
If the papers need more glossies, my number's on the card.
Now I must go.
The scent of crime is in the air.
(crickets chirping) So where's the press? I thought this was the age of media glut.
Where's the Action News van when you need them? And I spent all afternoon ironing this cape.
Yes! Another night cleansed of its criminal element, thanks to Darkwing Duck! Uhh! I can't wait to hit the hay.
But first, a bit of breakfast.
Alrighty! Stay sharp, stay fit, stay fed.
Ya-ha.
Hee-hee! Whoo-hoo.
Uhh! (ticking) Whew! Youch! Yes! A new world's record! Everything a champion needs for breakfast.
Except the milk.
I always forget the milk.
Whoo! Well, maybe I'll just skip breakfast this once.
So I make a mistake here and there.
There's not a street punk in this city that isn't afraid of Darkwing Duck.
Ahh.
I just wish I could get a shot at a really big-time criminal.
Let me understand this, Hammerhead.
You and your associates are questioning my plans? Gee, Boss, no! Well, sorta.
It's just that the boys and I were wondering if we couldn't wait till the train stops before we steal the Ramrod.
Oh! You mean when the army takes control of the weapon with its tanks and Jeeps and hundreds of guards.
Uh, yeah! I g-g-guess we didn't think of that.
Why didn't you guys think of that? That is because I am the brain and you are the stooge.
That's it, Boss.
I'm a stooge.
Uh, just call me Curly.
This is the first time the Ramrod has been moved since Waddlemeyer's death.
(Hammerhead sighs) Once the army has it, I may never get another chance.
I will not be put off because you are afraid to catch a train! (alarm sounding) Warders coming.
Hmm, that nuisance.
Very well.
You know what to do.
Do not come back without the Ramrod.
Well, Taurus Bulba.
I trust you're still enjoying your stay in prison? It's peaceful.
No one bothers me.
Actually, it suits my business needs perfectly.
(Darkwing) As twilight shadows creep across the sky, the lone figure of Darkwing Duck scans the city for any evidence of wrongdoing, his eagle eyes catching sight of an eagle? Or more precisely, a condor.
Huh.
I know birds travel south, but this is the first one I've seen with luggage.
This bit of feathery intrigue is best investigated by Darkwing Duck! (whistle blowing) Aah! Ohh! Ooh! Ow! (sawing noise) (whistle blows) Ha-ha.
Hey, Hammerhead, ain't we cute in our soldier suits? Oh, yeah, a couple of five-star generals.
Just watch out for trouble.
Hm, this shouldn't be too hard.
Eh, I hope this peashooter is worth all the trouble.
Where is that stupid bird? Yah! You lousy pigeon! I'm gonna Hammerhead.
Is the Waddlemeyer Ramrod secure? Like a baby, Boss.
Excellent.
Then proceed with the plan.
(evil laugh) Excellent! Excellent! (warbled) I gotta see about getting new shocks.
- One side, conductor-person.
- Hey, wait! You can't go in there.
- That's top secret! - Don't worry.
Just checking out an unauthorized bird-boarding.
It's Hoof and Mouth.
They work for Taurus Bulba! Bulba's as big as they come! This is it! My shot at big-time crime busting! What Darkwing Duck was born for.
(Darkwing) I am the terror that flaps in the night.
I am the switch that derails your train.
I am Darkwing Duck! Uhh! You think he's dead? I think he's dead.
You think he's dead? He must be dead.
Sorry, I'm fine! But you two are taking a turn for the worse.
I'll see that the police get more than a description.
Photos? You'll never get a good shot from out there.
Go ahead, take it.
How's this? It's not too pretentious, I hope.
I have to get back to work, but get copies to all major dailies.
- Oh, and I'd like a set, too.
- Yeah? Well, paste this in your scrapbook.
Oh, that's gonna leave a mark.
You're out of your league, duck.
Better run along to your costume party.
You can't get rid of Darkwing Duck that easily! (Darkwing screaming) Who is this clown? He doesn't look like one of mine.
Tantalus, take care of him.
(condor screeching) Hey, hey! Hey, wait a minute! (screaming) (groans) Bruised! Battered! But never defeated.
Darkwing Duck springs back to action.
Clever of me to use my spine to break my fall like that.
- (man) Hold it right there, you pirate! - No, no, no.
I'm a (blows landing) (man) Nobody messes with the airplanes in my hangar, or my name isn't Launchpad McQuack.
You don't understand! I am not a thief! I am - Darkwing Duck! - You know me? - Know you? I'm your biggest fan! - A fan? Really? - Ahem, I mean, really? - Sure! What are you doing here? Oh, just another stopover in my never-ending fight against Hey, you're a pilot! We can use this plane to catch those crooks! Ho-ho! I got something a lot better than this plane! No time.
Get in.
We have evil-doers to thwart.
- But in the next hangar I got this - Now, fan! - I'll give you my autograph.
- I'm here for you, DW.
That's Darkwing.
Aah! Hey, you know, I could be your sidekick.
I got a whole scrapbook of your newspaper clippings.
Heh, of course it's not a very big scrapbook.
Wouldn't it be easier to fly if we were facing the other way? Huh? Oh, yes, sorry.
I sometimes have trouble with that.
It's right under us.
Can you take us lower? No problemo! - Gosh, thanks.
- Hey, hey, I aim to please! It's that costumed meddler again.
Get rid of him.
OK, I'm here.
Now how do I turn this thing around? All right, beak face, this is getting monotonous.
You better go Aah! No, you don't understand.
I like monotony! (screaming) I'm coming, DW! (screeches) Whoa.
Looks like birdie is coming back for seconds.
Don't worry.
I'll shake him, DW.
That's Darkwing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing.
(Darkwing screaming) Launchpad! (crash) - They they got away.
- Can't argue that point, DW.
- So what do we do next? - We? We do nothing! - I work alone.
- (dejected) But I could be your sidekick.
Singing cowboys have sidekicks.
I rely on me.
Nobody but me, got that? Oh, please, please, please, please! Let me make this clear for you.
I never want to see you again, ever! (sniffles) OK.
So do you want my phone number? (groans) (buzzer sounds) Doing an honest day's work must be a new experience for you, Bulba.
Maybe you'll get some time off for good behavior in 99 years or so.
(laughs) I sure wouldn't mind pounding that pinhead.
Ignore him.
Such petty annoyances will disappear once I use the Ramrod.
Oh, jeepers.
It's beautiful.
So when do we fire it up and hit a few banks? Because it's useless without the arming code.
Someone arranged an accident for Professor Waddlemeyer last year, before I could learn it.
Eh! You idiots! I told you not to Go to the St.
Canard orphanage and bring me his granddaughter.
She was practically raised in his lab.
If anyone knows the code, she does.
(mumbles) After we get the code, then she can have an accident like her grandfather.
(groans) I trust you can get the order right this time.
No problem.
Code first, then accident.
(woman) Mm-hm, mm-hm.
This is Gosalyn Waddlemeyer all right.
You know her and you willingly came to visit? Oh, yeah! I'm an old friend of the family's.
See? That's me in the background there.
Hmm, actually it looks like a grape jelly stain.
Oh, those are, uh, tear stains.
So, uh, where is the little cupcake? Well, I believe the cupcake is outside playing roller Aah! - (thud) - Coming through! Play it where it lays! Youch! Goal! I'm in the middle of a game.
Can't chat now.
- Just park it.
- Look, I don't know anything about a pig, and I was nowhere near the boy's bathroom.
- What pig? - Pig? I meant big! As in how big of you to take such an interest in me.
- How may I help you? - We'll talk later.
Now, Mr.
Hannigan here claims to have known your grandfather.
You knew Grandpa? Aw, sure.
That's me in the background.
Actually, it looks like a grape jelly stain.
Why don't we take a walk? We can swap stories about your granddad.
- Oh, can I? - Well, I suppose it would be all right.
As long as you stay on the orphanage grounds.
Oh, yeah, great! Hmm.
Eugene? Have you heard anything about a pig in the bathroom? After Mom and Dad died, Grandpa was the only family I had in the whole world.
But since he's been gone, I've made lots of friends here.
So it's not so bad.
(sighs) Until adoption day.
Seems like I'm always saying goodbye to someone.
You know, I'm not a problem child! Grandpa said I just have a lot of spirit! He said when you're full of spirit, everyone else looks empty.
Someday I'll meet somebody who understands that.
Then I'll be adopted.
Say, technically speaking, aren't the orphanage grounds on the other side of the fence? Yeah, but I thought we'd go for a little ride.
Oh, no way, José! I'm outta here! Take it easy, kid.
Taurus Bulba wants to have a little talk with you.
Yeah? Well, here's a message for him.
Ha! Nobody kidnaps Gosalyn Waddlemeyer! Never fear, little miss, Darkwing Duck has you now! (gasps) - I'm not one of the bad guys! - Yeah, right! With a mask.
I take it you're convinced now? Stay down.
I have a little surprise for them.
- Keen gear! What else does it do? - Don't touch that! Why not? I'll show him.
Every hero needs a sidekick.
But how am I gonna find DW? (Darkwing screaming) That's handy! Hang on, DW! What's the rush? Yikes! The orphanage isn't safe.
You'll be okay at the police station.
He's attacking.
Fire! - Ooh, yeah, I feel real safe now.
- But, I-I-I What did you do to make those guys so mad? I didn't do anything.
- What about robbing a train? - What? I didn't rob That's not a bad picture, though.
You don't think it looks pretentious, do ya? (sirens wailing) Drastic times call for drastic action! How are you at holding your breath? Don't do it, DW! It's a dead end! Whoa! (sirens.
Tires screeching) Nice trick, DW.
That's one way to lose those bad guys.
DW? Little girl? Anybody? Oh, boy.
The boss ain't gonna like us losing the girl.
Wow! A police chase with bullets, crooks and everything! Sure beats study hall at the orphanage.
- Are all your days like this? - No, because I'm usually sleeping.
But when I learned Professor Waddlemeyer had raised a granddaughter, I knew I had to get to you before Taurus Bulba.
Who is he anyway? A deviously clever criminal mastermind who, I'm convinced, is still operating his gangs from inside prison.
Just like in the comics.
I bet you guys are eternal enemies, right? Ahem, well, actually, he doesn't even know I exist.
But he soon will.
Mark my words.
Keen gear! What a hideout! Oh, yes.
It's just a little shack I like to call home.
And speaking of which, we have to find you a safe place to stay.
Why can't I just stay here? We make a great team! I am not a team! I'm sorry, but you'd just be Don't touch that! See? Little things like that tend to cramp my style.
Where's my phone book? I'll find you a hotel or something.
Maybe the animal shelter has an opening.
Well, I suppose I could leave.
But then I might let it slip where a certain masked avenger hangs out.
- You wouldn't? - Hey, I'm a kid.
- I'm supposed to be irresponsible.
- Oh! Like I said, it's much too dangerous out there.
- I better keep you close.
- Thanks, Darkwing! Well, right.
But how were we supposed to know the duck would off himself and the kid? It wasn't our fault! It wasn't our fault! We were It was their fault! It was their fault! That costumed clown is too concerned about his image to kill a little girl.
He has her hidden somewhere.
We draw him out and we'll have her! Clovis, if the Ramrod is secured, I think it's time we said goodbye to the warden.
Right away, Taurus Bulba.
Oh! I've got to run! Tsk, tsk.
It's time for my afternoon gloat over Taurus Bulba! - (rumbling) - Wh-what's that? (guards screaming) (guard) Guess they've been making more than license plates.
It's a shame to lose a hideout as perfect as a prison.
But all things must come to an end.
(laughs) Time off for good behavior, indeed.
Clovis, take us downtown.
It's time I met this Darkwing Duck.
# Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck