Darkwing Duck (1991) s01e02 Episode Script

Darkly Dawns the Duck (2)

# Daring duck of mystery # Champion of right # Swoops out of the shadows # Darkwing owns the night # Somewhere some villain schemes # But his number's up Three.
Two.
One # Darkwing Duck # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck Let's get dangerous.
# Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck! # Cloud of smoke and he appears # A master of surprise # Who's that cunning mind behind # That shadowy disguise? # Nobody knows for sure # Bad guys are out of luck.
'Cause here comes - # Darkwing Duck - # Look out! # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Better watch out.
You bad boys # Darkwing Duck! (Darkwing) A desperate criminal is at large and terror runs through the streets like a pair of cheap stockings! But it's hopeless.
No one gets the drop on Gosalyn Waddlemeyer! Boy, Darkwing, you gotta work on your narration.
They write better stuff on Saturday morning cartoons.
Oh, yeah? Well, how's this? In a lightning move, Darkwing Duck turns the tables on the tiny te-te-terror till she Will you stop that? (giggling) That's no fair tickling.
A radio.
Let's have some tunes! Yow! - What are you doing? - Turning on the clock radio? (yelps) That's not a radio! Keen gear! This is some kind of training course, huh? - You might say that.
- Let me try! No, it's too dangerous.
That was amazing.
It's not at my level, of course, but that's still pretty impressive.
Darn.
Forgot the milk! (gasps) Oh, allow me.
Oh, you oughtta be more careful! Sounds reasonable.
(coughs) Good.
I found this stashed in the closet.
How come you don't wear it when you ride your bike? Because, it doesn't look dramatic.
Neither does scrambled brains.
You should have seat belts too.
Look, kiddo.
I appreciate the concern, really, but I knew this job was dangerous when I took it.
How come you wear a mask? Because there is nothing so terrifying to the criminal mind as the unknown.
I am the thing that goes "bump" in the night.
I'm the neuroses that requires a $500-an-hour shrink! You mean you don't take off your mask for anyone? That's right.
Not no one, not never.
What about a really, really, really close friend? Well, uh, maybe someday.
Hey, it's a start.
But if I use your bed, where will you be sleeping? No, I won't be.
I'm a night person, remember? And with Taurus Bulba at large again, I'll have to be extra vigilant.
What does he want with me anyway? Well, Bulba stole your grandfather's invention and he He thinks you know the code that operates it.
- (crash) - (sighs) What is a Waddlemeyer Ramrod anyway? (sighs) It's a device that disrupts gravitational bonds on a molecular level that allows manipulation on a macro scale.
- What does that mean? - I dunno.
I think it makes things flow and stuff.
Here's a picture.
That's Grandpa.
Well, it looks like you were really close.
We were.
Well, but-but he never told me any code! Hm.
Unfortunately, Taurus Bulba doesn't know that.
His men will be searching for you, you know.
Although, if they knew how much spirit you have, they'd probably run the other way.
Spirit? Mwah! Thanks, Darkwing.
Oh, sure.
Heh.
Good night, Gosalyn.
I can't sleep! Ah, you just need something to relax ya.
I think I have a large mallet around here somewhere.
Grandpa used to sing me a lullaby.
Oh, w-well, that's I don't really do lullabies.
Why don't you teach me one of his so I can sing it back to you? This has the suspicious ring of reverse psychology to it.
(sighs) - But have it your way.
- (# lullaby) (clears throat) # Close your eyes, little girl blue # Inside of you # Like a rainbow # Yellow, blue, red, blue, purple too # Blue, purple and green, then the ye-llow Not much on lyrics.
Let me try.
# Rest your head # Little girl blue # Come paint your dreams # On your pillow # I'll be near to chase away fear # So sleep now and dream # Till tomorrow # I'll be near to chase away fear # So sleep now and dream # Till tomorrow (whispers) Good night, Gosalyn.
- (snoring) - Huh? What is what you got? - (snores loudly) - Oh! (laughs) This kid could wake Elvis.
Sure is sweet, though.
(# hums lullaby) # Yellow, blue, red, blue, purple too? Hold the phone! Yellow, blue, red, blue - the lyrics match the controls of the Ramrod! She's had the arming code all along and never even knew it! And for her sake, it better stay that way.
Lightning? Without thunder? Hm.
The pattern is too regular for lightning.
Excellent.
A half-hour of this should be sufficient.
Yes, Taurus Bulba.
It's simply a matter of knowing your adversary.
Somewhere down there is this Darkwing Duck.
I've watched him.
I know his weakness.
That's Morse code out there.
Taurus Bulba, the criminal genius, recognizing the error of his ways, is offering to surrender himself.
But only to Darkwing Duck.
Once Tantalus pinpoints his hideout, you three will grab the girl.
(Hammerhead) But, boss, what if he doesn't know Morse code? Ha-ha.
That do-gooder? He probably sleeps with a Boy Scout Handbook under his pillow.
Whew.
I'm sure glad I saved this baby.
OK, now, let's see.
We got a (muttering) "Surrender only to Darkwing Duck!" Yes! It's headline city! (yawns) What's up? Win the lottery? Oh, Gosalyn, I didn't mean to wake you.
But look! My reputation has spread through every gutter where criminals gather.
I don't have to make a move.
They come to me, groveling at my doorstep, pleading to be turned in.
I sense a major motion picture here.
But that doesn't make sense.
He just escaped.
Gosalyn, Gosalyn, Gosalyn.
It is obvious that he's had a chance to talk to his men about me.
Yeah, right, but seriously.
You told me Taurus Bulba was a criminal genius.
Why would he surrender to you? He knows he's outmatched.
I have his men on the run.
(giggles) Oh? From what I remember, we were doing the running! Oh.
You think it was all just luck, eh? (giggles) I didn't say Just a coincidence that you're here with me instead of with him? Hey, no! That I'm just another clown in a costume.
Who's gonna take Darkwing Dip seriously? - But I don't think - Never mind! It doesn't matter.
After Taurus Bulba is back in jail, you'll be back in the orphanage.
Then we can both get back to our lives.
(revs engine) (tires screeching) The Audobon Bay Bridge.
She's in the tower.
Take the boys and grab her.
I'll go keep Darkwing Duck occupied.
(sinister laugh) (Darkwing) I am the terror that flaps in the night.
I am the jailer who throws away the key.
I am (wind whistling) feeling really stupid.
Boy, I hate it when I'm early.
Sheesh.
You'd think criminal masterminds would be more punctual.
Please accept my apologies.
Well, OK, but next time you Taurus Bulba! How did you? Where? (stammers/clears throat) I am the terror that flaps in the night.
I am I'm the s-surprise in your cereal box.
I am I am Yes, yes.
I know.
I heard.
You're Darkwing Duck.
Uh Yeah.
That's Yeah.
Ha-ha! Your ego is out of control, isn't it? - What? - I mean, seriously.
Why would I surrender to you? - Because I have your men on the run? - (laughs) Oh, please.
I manipulated you like a puppet.
Yeah? Well, I manipulated you into manipulating me.
I have you right where I want you - alone with me, Darkwing Duck! Gee, this hurts.
Sorry, I don't have time to play.
But I did call some of your friends.
There he is.
Get him! I believe they have questions about a certain train robbery.
A certain train robbery? At least they have you too, fat boy.
Huh? (Bulba) I'd love to stay, but I have a date on a bridge with a little girl! What? Gosalyn! No, don't! He's getting away! Gosalyn! (Hammerhead) Why can't this nutcase live on the ground like normal people? Oh, Grandpa.
I messed up again.
I sure don't mean to make trouble.
So much for spirit.
(gasps) This time you're coming with us! - Fat chance! - Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Get her! (bell dings) Where'd she go? Eat fiber, horn-head! Uh-oh! Now we gotcha.
(all yelling) Ha! Wait till you see what we're having for lunch.
(Tantalus screeches) (Gosalyn) Ah! Let go of me! Let go! Darkwing Duck is gonna crunch you like a stale corn chip! (sinister laugh) Your friend won't be coming.
He was playing way out of his league.
Now your Darkwing Duck is just another jailbird.
Oh, sorry, Gosalyn.
I should have listened to you.
That trap was so obvious.
Ugh! Me and my stupid headlines.
All right, payback time! You was only lucky the last time.
I was lucky every time.
I could have had a life.
But no, I chose to be a clown in a mask and a cape.
All I need are floppy shoes and a bozo nose.
My life is filled with nothing but case files and chemistry sets.
Gosalyn is gone and I don't even have a friend to ask for help.
(crash) Oh, that's reverse.
I thought it was park.
Launchpad? Launchpad! What are you doing here? This was left behind when the cops took you away.
I was coming to bail you out.
Guess there's no point to that now.
Don't worry about it.
Heroes don't stop for paperwork.
And maybe this costumed clown can still be a hero.
(tires screeching) By now, Taurus Bulba must have Gosalyn in his airship.
We have to find a way of getting up to him.
Airship! No problemo, DW.
I got just the thing! (Darkwing) I love this! It even looks like me.
Oh, boy.
I told ya I was your biggest fan.
I've been working on it for a year.
I call it the Thunderquack.
I call it sensational.
We're gonna bring Bulba down like a ton of bricks sidekick.
(Launchpad) Ya-hoo-hoo-hoo! (Bulba) We'll have to mount the Ramrod to stabilize it.
Canard Tower should give us the best firing position.
Yes, Taurus Bulba.
In the meantime, Gosalyn and I will have our little chat.
(alarm sounding) We have a bulky on collision course with us.
What fool would dare? Hold battery.
Open fire! We need to blow an entry hole in that thing.
I don't know, DW.
That sounds dangerous.
Yeah? Well, then, let's get dangerous.
Hero away! Lovely decor.
Early Penitentiary? I'll flatten this guy like a two-penny nail! Well, if it's not Hammerhead Hannigan and so eager to see me, too.
Hi-yaha! Aah! All right, you muscleheads.
Where's Gosalyn? (Bulba) Really, Darkwing.
All you had to do was ask.
She's right here.
(sinister laugh) (guns cocking) I'm sorry, Darkwing.
If they hadn't caught me, you wouldn't have risked your life.
Gos, before I met you, I didn't have a life worth risking.
So, you two are close.
How touching.
How fortunate.
I'm afraid I'll never get the code from this one.
She has too much spirit.
However, if by chance she trusted you with the code Help! - Bring her down! - In a second.
Just give me the code.
- She never told me any code.
- Hm.
That's a real possibility.
But I've always considered myself a gambling man.
Aah! No, I'll tell! Ugh.
And to think I used to buy tickets for rides like that.
The code.
No tricks, or she'll make quite an ugly stain on the street.
# Yellow, blue, red, blue, purple too # Blue, purple, green and ye-llow (buzzing) - At last! - Now bring her down.
Not before a test.
Ha-ha! As planned! I've a perfect shot at the federal gold depository.
(coins jingling) - Gold secured, Taurus Bulba.
- (sinister laugh) I'll strip St.
Canard clean, then hit every city in the country.
- Fine, then you're done with Gosalyn.
- Oh, quite.
Not again! - You butcher! - Ow! Launchpad! (sighs) Nice save! - Where is he? - He was right here a second ago.
(Darkwing) I am the terror that flaps in the night.
There, shoot the smoke! (DW) I am the chill that runs up your spine.
I am Darkwing Duck! No, not when he's on the Ramrod! Let's see.
Now how does this work? It's overloading! (electricity buzzing) Wh-what's happening? Do you know what's happening? Grab on to something! Not me, you lunkheads! (all yell) All right.
Payback time, Launchpad! Ha-ha.
No problemo.
(squawks) It's over, Taurus Bulba, and this time you'll be in a non-portable prison.
Aah! Mm.
Mom was right.
I should have been a dental hygienist.
This is where the hero makes his dramatic exit.
I underestimated you once, Darkwing Duck.
This time you simply die.
No! He couldn't be Gosalyn, dear, I know you've been through a lot.
But your life isn't over.
Now, can't you show a prospective parent a little more spirit? Now there's a word I'm sick of.
Well, if that's the way you want it.
I'm sorry, Mr.
Mallard.
Gosalyn isn't feeling very well today.
(DW) Oh, really? I'm sorry to hear that.
(Mrs.
Cavanaugh) Perhaps another time.
It appears you've seen better days yourself! Huh? Oh, the bandages.
Right.
Well, heh-heh That's just a little kitchen accident.
I have trouble making breakfast.
I always forget the milk.
- Well, I'm sorry that Gosalyn - (Gosalyn giggles) - Watch the ribs, kid.
- I thought you were Ha! Nobody can hurt Darkwing D Drake Mallard.
I have to take care of myself, now that I'll have an adopted daughter to worry about.
Now, if it's all right with Mrs.
Cavanaugh, I thought we might go house hunting? But how do you manage to drive in that condition? Oh, uh - I have help.
- (crash) (tires squeal) Ha-ha.
Still having a little trouble with reverse.
Ha-ha.
- Oh, boy.
- (giggles) # When there's trouble.
You call DW # Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Better watch out.
You bad boys # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck
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