Darkwing Duck (1991) s01e16 Episode Script
Can't Bayou Love
# Daring duck of mystery # Champion of right # Swoops out of the shadows # Darkwing owns the night # Somewhere some villain schemes # But his number's up Three.
two.
one # Darkwing Duck # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck Let's get dangerous.
# Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck! # Cloud of smoke and he appears # A master of surprise # Who's that cunning mind behind # That shadowy disguise? # Nobody knows for sure # But bad guys are out of luck.
'cause here comes - Darkwing Duck - Look out! # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Better watch out.
you bad boys # Darkwing Duck! (# classical) (applause) And now I'll be showing slides of some of the endangered species you've helped by donating to our Save the Bayou Foundation.
We were extremely fortunate to get this photo of the rare Yellow-tailed Bayou Water Moccasin.
Notice - (growls) - (screams) Out of my way, Gumbo! Hey, I hear you city folk be doing a benefit for the bayou.
Well, I'm Jambalaya Jake.
Bayou born and bred.
Ooh, and that money gonna benefit me real good.
I guarantee! Oh! Keep away, you disgusting brute.
Whoo! Flattery don't get you nowhere.
Give me that money! Help! Yum, yum, yum.
All right, woman, you gonna get it now.
(gags) Easier than taking a catfish from a snapping turtle.
Jumpin' crawdaddies! Whoo! It must be eatin' time! (slurps) (burps) I am the terror that flaps in the night.
I am the scourge that pecks at your nightmares and - Launchpad, what are you doing? - He-he.
It's a birdie.
Wanna see my doggy? Arf! Arf! - Launchpad! - Sorry, DW.
Ahem.
I am the terror Oh! That horrible man is getting away with the donations! I know that! I know that! I am the terr Never mind.
Eat darts, swamp breath.
Let go of my money! Whoa! Way too small! I'll have to throw this one back into jail! On behalf of all the endangered species everywhere, I would like to thank you Thank you for sharing.
Now, excuse me while I make an endangered species out of that crook.
Let's head for the swamp, Gumbo.
Time to do some leapfroggin'! Come on, now.
You know what happens if these city folk catch you! (yelling) Those poor rubes haven't got a chance! (sniffs) Uh-oh.
Yikes! Well, I don't think anybody will be asking for seconds on punch.
This here big city was supposed to be easy pickings.
That's why us bayou bad apples move up here (slurps) to show city folk what bad is all about, right? Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.
So what happens to the first job we pull? It gets all ruinated by some lowdown crime-fighting critter flittering around like a Louisiana fruitcake.
Tell you one thing, too.
He better jump back and stay on his side of the swamp.
'Cause next time he mess with Jambalaya Jake be the last time.
I guarantee.
Somewhere, a swamp fiend and his very large alligator wait for their chance.
But St.
Canard can sleep peacefully, because Darkwing Duck is watching over them.
No matter what rock they've crawled under, Darkwing Duck will smoke them out.
The city's on fire! It's the blaze of a century! Call the fire department! Call the police! Call my insurance company! How about a brownie, DW? You baked them and you used a recipe, right? You bet! Got it from the Gulping Gourmet on TV.
'Course I improvised a little.
Ah! So, you ready for another? No thanks, Launchpad.
I'm on a liquid diet.
(grunting) Little more, Gumbo.
Come on, now.
Come on, Gumbo.
This juicy catfish is fixed just the way you like it.
Mm! (muffled) Gumbo! Gumbo, if I wore shoes your hide would be in big trouble right now.
Now quit foolin' around! Let's get some of that mean green.
Me, oh, my, oh! This is easier than pickin' a possum's pocket.
You be the alligator bag man.
(coughing) You? How did you track us down? I guess you swamp rats never heard of burglar alarms? I'm taking you in, if I can find a cell small enough.
Don't worry, DW, they'll never get past me.
Ooh! Phooey! Well, at least I saved the cash.
Uh-oh! Somebody didn't pay their electricity bill.
No problem, Launchpad.
Darkwing Duck thrives in the dark.
Darkwing Duck flourishes in the Ow! Ow! Unfortunately Darkwing Duck can't see in the dark.
Fortuitously, I have my emergency magno-flame pocket lighter.
You did it, DW.
Your lighter turned on the fire sprinklers.
Now, how exactly is that gonna help us see in the dark? (screaming) Now, that's the straw that broke the bullfrog's back.
Nobody make a fool of Jambalaya Jake once, let alone the number after once.
Whatever it be.
Whoo! Yes, sir, we gonna fix him good.
But we gonna do it Jambalaya Jake style.
By stalking and tracking and setting a trap! And then Ooh! I feel something very fine coming on here, Gumbo.
You know, I wish you'd give these brownies a second chance, DW.
No thanks.
Maybe when I'm out of hand grenades.
(alarm.
sirens) Burglar alarm! Hey! We gonna outsmart that city boy with one of his own burglary A-larms.
There, that jewelry store.
Shh, we gonna trap that one and use him for bait to hook the papa crawdaddy.
It's coming from that alley.
The nimble Darkwing - his every sense finely tuned to danger.
He turns in pursuit of the pernicious perpetrator and (screeches) - Yeow! - Hey, my brownie! Well, that's the last jewelry heist that cat's ever gonna pull.
Ooh-woo! Boy, this here smells worse than beaver innards.
Never mind, Gumbo, now we're gonna fetch the cook and bait our trap.
I'll teach you how to follow his scent like a good ol' hound dog.
You gotta hunker down low so you don't lose the smell.
(snorts) Oh, boy, oh, boy! When Honker and Gosalyn get back from summer camp, they're gonna love these brownies.
Mm! If I don't eat 'em all myself.
Ha-ha.
Nobody likes these babies as much as yours truly.
(yawns) Must be time for beddy-bye.
I'm hearing things.
I'll just grab a few of these for a nightcap.
(grunts) Whoa, I better cut down on the sugar.
Whoa! (growling) Ho, boy! It's time to snag me some crawdad bait! Hey, what's the big idea? (muffled) Hey! Hey! Son of a gun! We gonna have some big fun tonight! Yum! (crashing) What's all the commotion about? Whoa! Alligator footprints, and pieces of Launchpad's scarf.
Either Launchpad's breaking in a new pair of alligator shoes, or he's in the clutches of that swamp shrimp.
- (Launchpad) Help! - So much for the alligator-shoe theory.
Hang on, Launchpad! Aha! Those bayou baddies just made a boo-boo.
(chuckles) That alley's a dead end.
Jambalaya Jake! I demand you hand over Launchpad and give yourself up! There's no escape from Darkwing Duck.
Where'd they go? Let's see, I saw them come in here, it's a dead end So therefore, they couldn't have gotten away unless Of course, it's as simple as the beak on my face.
They've doubled back on me.
Well, I'll just triple back on them, and head them off at the pass.
This Jambalaya Jake may have more on the ball than I thought.
(screams) Huh! Stupid cats! I'm real glad I found this place.
I got a special kinship with the reptile.
'Cause I'm such a snake! Huh, no argument there.
Now, Granny's special tonic gonna make sure you stay put when I ain't around.
(explosion) (laughs) Me oh my oh, that's what we call a bayou milkshake.
Now see here, Gumbo, he moves - you jump on this here plunger.
I'm gonna play chicken, Cajun style, with Darkwing Duck.
If Launchpad's being held in this city, Darkwing Duck will find him.
Not one leaf falls, not one pigeon flies that he doesn't notice.
Nothing escapes his Woo-hoo, boy! Just like skipping Granny's flapjacks across the bayou.
You been messing up my fishin', boy.
And I don't like it.
So now we gonna see how good you are at huntin' for your friend! You look and you gonna find all the clues you need! Clothes? Why would pond scum like you help me find Launchpad? Because while you be huntin' for him, I gonna be huntin' you! (laughing) These must be Launchpad's.
(growls) Easy, boy.
He-he.
Easy! Nice gator.
Nice boy.
Want a brownie, huh? There you are.
Mm Hey, you like 'em! You can't be all bad.
But you're close to all bad.
Phew! I hope Launchpad doesn't catch cold.
What a dump! (evil laugh) Ooh, this be more fun than stormin' skunks.
A penny! See a penny, pick it up.
All day long you'll have good luck.
I'm developing a grudging respect for Jambalaya Jake.
That there city boy must be part armadillo.
This calls for a personal touch.
Hey, now, city boy! Lookin' for somebody? Uh-uh-uh! Watch out for that wet cement.
Oldest trick in the book.
Besides, my sixth sense tells me that's not cement at all.
Ooh! You too smart for me! It ain't cement, that's Granny's favorite recipe.
Genuine, 100% Louisiana quicksand.
Bye-bye, city boy! The sand may be quick, but Darkwing Duck is quicker! Escape is my middle name! If I can maneuver a little to the right, that roof should break my fall.
(crashing.
yelling) And I wish the fall was all that got broken.
Hey, here's a little trick from way down under the bayou.
Ooh, boy! Wrapped up tighter than a pair of hand-me-down boots.
(Darkwing) Jambalaya Jake doesn't realize he made two miscalculations: One, I can untie this rope in a matter of seconds.
And two, this wooden box has no roof on it.
Got no roof so I can pour the cement in.
Real big-city cement this time.
Fast dryin' too.
You sure ain't gonna be givin' me no more trouble, city boy! Ooh, no you ain't, I guarantee! (Darkwing) All right! I'm stuck in two tons of cement.
No problem, if I could just reach my crymo-thermic hand-grenade The dauntless Darkwing Duck emerges once again, unscathed, from his concrete straitjacket.
Singed, but triumphant.
(growling) Nice gator.
Good boy! Here, you stop trying to feed my gator, hear? Thanks, you saved my life.
Nah, I just thought it would be more fun to blow you up! Well, if anything happens to me, you'll have to answer to Darkwing Duck! Whoo-hoo-hoo! I don't expect so.
That's one dead duck, I guarantee.
(Darkwing) Wrong again, Jake! I guarantee! I'll be frog-tied and possum-whipped! DW! Whew! Talk about a lucky break! Lucky? Do you have any idea what 8x10 glossies cost these days? Where'd that spicy shrimp go? Gee, DW, I think he got away! Got away?! Could this day possibly get any worse? (coughing) Let's get dangerous.
(squeaking) How do you know they're hiding down here, DW? Are you kiddin' me? Didn't you ever get a whiff of that guy? He's got to be hiding down here.
Hey, look, DW, I had one brownie left the whole time! - Give it to me! - Are you gonna eat it? No, now I'm out of hand grenades.
Something tells me we're getting very close to Jambalaya Jake's hideout.
How do you know, DW? Is it your crime-fighter's intuition? Your superior intellect? No, I feel it in my foot.
Get me out of this! Oh, boy.
You should watch where you're stepping, DW.
Especially in a sewer.
(growls) Help! Help! - Don't worry, Launchpad! I'll - You'll nothin'.
Maybe you got past a couple of critter traps, but now we're gonna settle this with a little bayou-style wrastlin'! "Wrastlin"'? Is that anything like wrestling? Now, before we start, got a a couple of little ground rules.
None of this.
And none of this.
(bell rings) Especially, none of this.
OK, I think I got all that.
But how about some of this? And what about this? Any problem with this? Hey, if you like the brownies, you ought to love the chef! Come on, Jake.
Time to bring you to justice.
And I got your justice right here.
Hah! Missed! Ooh, you be one dead duck now! I guarantee! Your guarantee is over warranty! - That old trick won't be saving you! - Oh, won't it? I am the terror that flaps in the sewers.
Nobody corners Jambalaya Jake in his own stompin' grounds! Aah! How does it feel to be stalked and hunted? You may have out-swamped me, but you can't make Jake do what he don't wanna do! You may be right, Jambalaya.
But I know someone that can.
- What you gonna do with that? - You'll see.
(whistles) Hey, Gumbo! Looky here! Wait! Stop! No, no, don't do that! (growling) Hey, you crazy gator! I ain't no catfish snack! - You OK, DW? - Yes, Launchpad.
As you can see, the jaws of defeat are quickly closing upon yet another criminal.
Uh-oh.
(screaming) Whoa! I guess we don't have to worry about them anymore, eh, DW? I wouldn't count on it, Launchpad.
The first thing we gonna do is unsweetify that sweet tooth! Then we go back and show that city boy who's top gator, bar none! (laughing) The world can never be safe from anyone who fights Darkwing Duck to a standstill and survives your brownies.
# Darkwing Duck! # Darkwing Duck! # Darkwing Duck! # Darkwing Duck!
two.
one # Darkwing Duck # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck Let's get dangerous.
# Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck! # Cloud of smoke and he appears # A master of surprise # Who's that cunning mind behind # That shadowy disguise? # Nobody knows for sure # But bad guys are out of luck.
'cause here comes - Darkwing Duck - Look out! # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Better watch out.
you bad boys # Darkwing Duck! (# classical) (applause) And now I'll be showing slides of some of the endangered species you've helped by donating to our Save the Bayou Foundation.
We were extremely fortunate to get this photo of the rare Yellow-tailed Bayou Water Moccasin.
Notice - (growls) - (screams) Out of my way, Gumbo! Hey, I hear you city folk be doing a benefit for the bayou.
Well, I'm Jambalaya Jake.
Bayou born and bred.
Ooh, and that money gonna benefit me real good.
I guarantee! Oh! Keep away, you disgusting brute.
Whoo! Flattery don't get you nowhere.
Give me that money! Help! Yum, yum, yum.
All right, woman, you gonna get it now.
(gags) Easier than taking a catfish from a snapping turtle.
Jumpin' crawdaddies! Whoo! It must be eatin' time! (slurps) (burps) I am the terror that flaps in the night.
I am the scourge that pecks at your nightmares and - Launchpad, what are you doing? - He-he.
It's a birdie.
Wanna see my doggy? Arf! Arf! - Launchpad! - Sorry, DW.
Ahem.
I am the terror Oh! That horrible man is getting away with the donations! I know that! I know that! I am the terr Never mind.
Eat darts, swamp breath.
Let go of my money! Whoa! Way too small! I'll have to throw this one back into jail! On behalf of all the endangered species everywhere, I would like to thank you Thank you for sharing.
Now, excuse me while I make an endangered species out of that crook.
Let's head for the swamp, Gumbo.
Time to do some leapfroggin'! Come on, now.
You know what happens if these city folk catch you! (yelling) Those poor rubes haven't got a chance! (sniffs) Uh-oh.
Yikes! Well, I don't think anybody will be asking for seconds on punch.
This here big city was supposed to be easy pickings.
That's why us bayou bad apples move up here (slurps) to show city folk what bad is all about, right? Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.
So what happens to the first job we pull? It gets all ruinated by some lowdown crime-fighting critter flittering around like a Louisiana fruitcake.
Tell you one thing, too.
He better jump back and stay on his side of the swamp.
'Cause next time he mess with Jambalaya Jake be the last time.
I guarantee.
Somewhere, a swamp fiend and his very large alligator wait for their chance.
But St.
Canard can sleep peacefully, because Darkwing Duck is watching over them.
No matter what rock they've crawled under, Darkwing Duck will smoke them out.
The city's on fire! It's the blaze of a century! Call the fire department! Call the police! Call my insurance company! How about a brownie, DW? You baked them and you used a recipe, right? You bet! Got it from the Gulping Gourmet on TV.
'Course I improvised a little.
Ah! So, you ready for another? No thanks, Launchpad.
I'm on a liquid diet.
(grunting) Little more, Gumbo.
Come on, now.
Come on, Gumbo.
This juicy catfish is fixed just the way you like it.
Mm! (muffled) Gumbo! Gumbo, if I wore shoes your hide would be in big trouble right now.
Now quit foolin' around! Let's get some of that mean green.
Me, oh, my, oh! This is easier than pickin' a possum's pocket.
You be the alligator bag man.
(coughing) You? How did you track us down? I guess you swamp rats never heard of burglar alarms? I'm taking you in, if I can find a cell small enough.
Don't worry, DW, they'll never get past me.
Ooh! Phooey! Well, at least I saved the cash.
Uh-oh! Somebody didn't pay their electricity bill.
No problem, Launchpad.
Darkwing Duck thrives in the dark.
Darkwing Duck flourishes in the Ow! Ow! Unfortunately Darkwing Duck can't see in the dark.
Fortuitously, I have my emergency magno-flame pocket lighter.
You did it, DW.
Your lighter turned on the fire sprinklers.
Now, how exactly is that gonna help us see in the dark? (screaming) Now, that's the straw that broke the bullfrog's back.
Nobody make a fool of Jambalaya Jake once, let alone the number after once.
Whatever it be.
Whoo! Yes, sir, we gonna fix him good.
But we gonna do it Jambalaya Jake style.
By stalking and tracking and setting a trap! And then Ooh! I feel something very fine coming on here, Gumbo.
You know, I wish you'd give these brownies a second chance, DW.
No thanks.
Maybe when I'm out of hand grenades.
(alarm.
sirens) Burglar alarm! Hey! We gonna outsmart that city boy with one of his own burglary A-larms.
There, that jewelry store.
Shh, we gonna trap that one and use him for bait to hook the papa crawdaddy.
It's coming from that alley.
The nimble Darkwing - his every sense finely tuned to danger.
He turns in pursuit of the pernicious perpetrator and (screeches) - Yeow! - Hey, my brownie! Well, that's the last jewelry heist that cat's ever gonna pull.
Ooh-woo! Boy, this here smells worse than beaver innards.
Never mind, Gumbo, now we're gonna fetch the cook and bait our trap.
I'll teach you how to follow his scent like a good ol' hound dog.
You gotta hunker down low so you don't lose the smell.
(snorts) Oh, boy, oh, boy! When Honker and Gosalyn get back from summer camp, they're gonna love these brownies.
Mm! If I don't eat 'em all myself.
Ha-ha.
Nobody likes these babies as much as yours truly.
(yawns) Must be time for beddy-bye.
I'm hearing things.
I'll just grab a few of these for a nightcap.
(grunts) Whoa, I better cut down on the sugar.
Whoa! (growling) Ho, boy! It's time to snag me some crawdad bait! Hey, what's the big idea? (muffled) Hey! Hey! Son of a gun! We gonna have some big fun tonight! Yum! (crashing) What's all the commotion about? Whoa! Alligator footprints, and pieces of Launchpad's scarf.
Either Launchpad's breaking in a new pair of alligator shoes, or he's in the clutches of that swamp shrimp.
- (Launchpad) Help! - So much for the alligator-shoe theory.
Hang on, Launchpad! Aha! Those bayou baddies just made a boo-boo.
(chuckles) That alley's a dead end.
Jambalaya Jake! I demand you hand over Launchpad and give yourself up! There's no escape from Darkwing Duck.
Where'd they go? Let's see, I saw them come in here, it's a dead end So therefore, they couldn't have gotten away unless Of course, it's as simple as the beak on my face.
They've doubled back on me.
Well, I'll just triple back on them, and head them off at the pass.
This Jambalaya Jake may have more on the ball than I thought.
(screams) Huh! Stupid cats! I'm real glad I found this place.
I got a special kinship with the reptile.
'Cause I'm such a snake! Huh, no argument there.
Now, Granny's special tonic gonna make sure you stay put when I ain't around.
(explosion) (laughs) Me oh my oh, that's what we call a bayou milkshake.
Now see here, Gumbo, he moves - you jump on this here plunger.
I'm gonna play chicken, Cajun style, with Darkwing Duck.
If Launchpad's being held in this city, Darkwing Duck will find him.
Not one leaf falls, not one pigeon flies that he doesn't notice.
Nothing escapes his Woo-hoo, boy! Just like skipping Granny's flapjacks across the bayou.
You been messing up my fishin', boy.
And I don't like it.
So now we gonna see how good you are at huntin' for your friend! You look and you gonna find all the clues you need! Clothes? Why would pond scum like you help me find Launchpad? Because while you be huntin' for him, I gonna be huntin' you! (laughing) These must be Launchpad's.
(growls) Easy, boy.
He-he.
Easy! Nice gator.
Nice boy.
Want a brownie, huh? There you are.
Mm Hey, you like 'em! You can't be all bad.
But you're close to all bad.
Phew! I hope Launchpad doesn't catch cold.
What a dump! (evil laugh) Ooh, this be more fun than stormin' skunks.
A penny! See a penny, pick it up.
All day long you'll have good luck.
I'm developing a grudging respect for Jambalaya Jake.
That there city boy must be part armadillo.
This calls for a personal touch.
Hey, now, city boy! Lookin' for somebody? Uh-uh-uh! Watch out for that wet cement.
Oldest trick in the book.
Besides, my sixth sense tells me that's not cement at all.
Ooh! You too smart for me! It ain't cement, that's Granny's favorite recipe.
Genuine, 100% Louisiana quicksand.
Bye-bye, city boy! The sand may be quick, but Darkwing Duck is quicker! Escape is my middle name! If I can maneuver a little to the right, that roof should break my fall.
(crashing.
yelling) And I wish the fall was all that got broken.
Hey, here's a little trick from way down under the bayou.
Ooh, boy! Wrapped up tighter than a pair of hand-me-down boots.
(Darkwing) Jambalaya Jake doesn't realize he made two miscalculations: One, I can untie this rope in a matter of seconds.
And two, this wooden box has no roof on it.
Got no roof so I can pour the cement in.
Real big-city cement this time.
Fast dryin' too.
You sure ain't gonna be givin' me no more trouble, city boy! Ooh, no you ain't, I guarantee! (Darkwing) All right! I'm stuck in two tons of cement.
No problem, if I could just reach my crymo-thermic hand-grenade The dauntless Darkwing Duck emerges once again, unscathed, from his concrete straitjacket.
Singed, but triumphant.
(growling) Nice gator.
Good boy! Here, you stop trying to feed my gator, hear? Thanks, you saved my life.
Nah, I just thought it would be more fun to blow you up! Well, if anything happens to me, you'll have to answer to Darkwing Duck! Whoo-hoo-hoo! I don't expect so.
That's one dead duck, I guarantee.
(Darkwing) Wrong again, Jake! I guarantee! I'll be frog-tied and possum-whipped! DW! Whew! Talk about a lucky break! Lucky? Do you have any idea what 8x10 glossies cost these days? Where'd that spicy shrimp go? Gee, DW, I think he got away! Got away?! Could this day possibly get any worse? (coughing) Let's get dangerous.
(squeaking) How do you know they're hiding down here, DW? Are you kiddin' me? Didn't you ever get a whiff of that guy? He's got to be hiding down here.
Hey, look, DW, I had one brownie left the whole time! - Give it to me! - Are you gonna eat it? No, now I'm out of hand grenades.
Something tells me we're getting very close to Jambalaya Jake's hideout.
How do you know, DW? Is it your crime-fighter's intuition? Your superior intellect? No, I feel it in my foot.
Get me out of this! Oh, boy.
You should watch where you're stepping, DW.
Especially in a sewer.
(growls) Help! Help! - Don't worry, Launchpad! I'll - You'll nothin'.
Maybe you got past a couple of critter traps, but now we're gonna settle this with a little bayou-style wrastlin'! "Wrastlin"'? Is that anything like wrestling? Now, before we start, got a a couple of little ground rules.
None of this.
And none of this.
(bell rings) Especially, none of this.
OK, I think I got all that.
But how about some of this? And what about this? Any problem with this? Hey, if you like the brownies, you ought to love the chef! Come on, Jake.
Time to bring you to justice.
And I got your justice right here.
Hah! Missed! Ooh, you be one dead duck now! I guarantee! Your guarantee is over warranty! - That old trick won't be saving you! - Oh, won't it? I am the terror that flaps in the sewers.
Nobody corners Jambalaya Jake in his own stompin' grounds! Aah! How does it feel to be stalked and hunted? You may have out-swamped me, but you can't make Jake do what he don't wanna do! You may be right, Jambalaya.
But I know someone that can.
- What you gonna do with that? - You'll see.
(whistles) Hey, Gumbo! Looky here! Wait! Stop! No, no, don't do that! (growling) Hey, you crazy gator! I ain't no catfish snack! - You OK, DW? - Yes, Launchpad.
As you can see, the jaws of defeat are quickly closing upon yet another criminal.
Uh-oh.
(screaming) Whoa! I guess we don't have to worry about them anymore, eh, DW? I wouldn't count on it, Launchpad.
The first thing we gonna do is unsweetify that sweet tooth! Then we go back and show that city boy who's top gator, bar none! (laughing) The world can never be safe from anyone who fights Darkwing Duck to a standstill and survives your brownies.
# Darkwing Duck! # Darkwing Duck! # Darkwing Duck! # Darkwing Duck!