Darkwing Duck (1991) s01e24 Episode Script
When Aliens Collide
# Daring duck of mystery # Champion of right # Swoops out of the shadows # Darkwing owns the night # Somewhere some villain schemes # But his number's up Three.
two.
one # Darkwing Duck # When there's trouble you call D.
W.
# Darkwing Duck Let's get dangerous.
# Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck! # Cloud of smoke and he appears # A master of surprise # Who's that cunning mind behind # That shadowy disguise? # Nobody knows for sure # But bad guys are out of luck.
'cause here comes - Darkwing Duck - Look out! # When there's trouble you call D.
W.
# Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Better watch out.
you bad boys # Darkwing Duck! Gosalyn, your choices for this evening's entertainment were simply dreadful.
Are you kidding? A rock concert, dinner at Hippo Burger - capped off by my winning a colossal, humongous blueberry supreme jawbreaker at the video arcade! (snickers) This will look great in my collection.
Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Ah! Ow! Tank, Tank, Tank! We've got to get home.
This is no time to play hopscotch.
Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Ow! Honestly, Gosalyn, if you'd choose better activities, I'd enjoy taking you even more than I do now! Dad, you lost the coin-flip with Mr.
Muddlefoot, remember? Ahem, well, yes.
The point is You always think you know what's best for me, but I But what? I do! You gotta start trusting me sooner or later, Pop.
I do? (jet engine whines) (gasps) It can't be.
Hey! (crash) What on Earth was that? It looked like a cucumber! Yeah, but that cucumber didn't come from Earth! No, Gosalyn, come back! Boy, give an inch, Gos takes a mile.
Wow! This is so cool! Hello! Anybody from another planet in there? Gosalyn, don't touch that! You don't know where it's been, why it could have Gee, Dad, I thought you were gonna trust me! Uh, well, this is different! There's no telling what we're dealing with here! Aah! (grunting) But I've got a bad feeling.
(all gasp) (helmet beeping) (choking) (groans) (sighs) Something tells me that bow tie is more than just bad taste in accessories.
I'll bet it's a collar.
He must be a pet.
Hmph, well, I hope its owner knows about unleashed alien laws in city parks.
All right! Jawbreakers! Gosalyn, for heaven's sake, get back here! Get real, Dad.
I know my aliens.
Wow, he's really neat! (whimpering) I think he wants us to get his collar off.
I don't know, Gos.
Hey! Quit eyeing me.
Beat it! Beat it! Hey! Wha? Whoa! Get away! Stop it! (Honker grunting) Yeah? Hey! Who did that? (honks) Huh.
No clasp, no buckle.
This puppy's tied but tight.
Excuse me.
Well, we have to keep him safe until his owner shows up.
(chuckles) Home at last.
That collar is practically history.
(laughs) - Boy, Launchpad won't believe this one.
- Hey, guys! Anything wrong? Excuse me, Launchpad, alien coming through.
Alien? Now, to get that collar off.
If I can find the proper instruments.
Aha! This oughta do the trick! Hold still.
It won't hurt a bit.
Aah! and then, I ran from the pet shop and into the bowling alley, where the ballet school's tournament was, and LP, LP.
Is this a long story? (screams) Ah! This is more like it! (screams) (squeaks) (wheezes) Gosalyn! Don't worry, Dad.
I'll handle it.
That's what worries me.
(Tank) Honker! Telephone all for you! But I didn't hear it ring! I did, Honk-face.
Get moving.
Aha! Oh, Mr.
Alien! What are you doing up here? Hey, no fair! Come back! What a jawbreaker collection! And it's mine! All mine! Tank, are you sure that call was for me? - The line was dead when I - You calling me a liar? Hey! (choking) Hah! Is the wittle collar hurting you? - Tank-head! - Wow! (muffled) I'm gonna get you, Gosalyn! Get me outta here right now I wonder why he would want my homework.
Lunch? Waah! Roof ruptured, Gosalyn gone! Just wait till I get my hands on that alien! That should be pretty soon! (alien) Aah! Whoa, nice catch! Will you get off me, you wretched, rubbery riffraff! - Dad! - Huh? That does it.
Um, excuse me, Mr.
Alien, but c-could I have my b-backpack, p-please? (squawks) Homework must be a rare delicacy on his planet.
So, all that talk about trusting me was just a crock! - Oh, no, honey, I - (rumbling) Whoa! That's a mighty big cabbage! Whoa! Ohh, they're probably after my term paper! (pounding) (whimpers) Gos, take cover! (speaking alien languages) Come again? - I've come for Wacko.
- Ooh, yeah? What is a Wacko? Aah! This is Wacko.
Fast work.
Now, to get those seismospheres.
I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the squashed bug on your flying-saucer windshield.
I am blown away by the alien menace.
Leave him alone, bucket-head! You talkin' to me? Um, uh, you've got something in your eye.
Hey! Hey! We've got to get you out of here, but quick! Wacko, away! Uh-oh.
- Gosalyn, up to your room.
- Aw, Dad! Oh! That makes me mad! Launchpad, let's get dangerous.
Honker, where's the alien? He's in there with my backpack.
Gos, I think (engine starts) - Come on, Honk.
- But, Gos! (banging) Had enough yet, you invincible, steely space scourge? This will teach you to underestimate the captain of the Outer Space Patrol! What? You mean you're a a cop? Not just any cop, I'm Big Nasty.
Ugly, too.
- No.
Cop, then Big Nasty.
It's my name.
- Oh! (engine roaring) My ship! It's getting away, and it's all your fault! Ha! 'Cause you can't catch a stupid pet? Pet? You idiot! Wacko's an escaped criminal in possession of the most dangerous explosives in the universe! Oh, is that all.
Hey, DW, that sure looks like Gosalyn up there.
Don't worry, Dad! I'll handle it! Gosalyn! (Launchpad) We're fueled and ready to rip.
I just hope Gos is all right.
'Course she'll be in real trouble after I rescue her.
Wow! Space! Is it cool, or what? (Wacko grunting) Come on, Honk.
Let's see how Wacko's doing.
(sighs) Oh, you poor thing.
That collar's gotta go.
Maybe there's something around here that'll help.
Hm, something tells me this'll do the trick.
Quick, Honk.
What's your favorite color? Um, cadmium red medium.
Then red it is! There! Now that didn't look too painful.
(grunts) You did it! I'm totally free! Free! Wow! You can talk? 'Course I can talk.
Collar kept me quiet.
And that's not all! Hey, with what I got in here, I can I can My seismospheres! They flew the coop! This can't be! My seismospheres! (sobbing) My colossal plans, decimated.
Well, maybe I an help you find your spheres.
Where did you last see 'em? As I recall, that plump, rude, ugly duckling had 'em.
Aha! There's your culprit, Tank! Tank? Of course, he still has my spheres.
We'll just have to turn this space cabbage around.
Eh, who needs this puny little one? (moans) Come on, come on, come on! Just a wild guess, but is something wrong? They're coming to take me away! Don't let 'em collar me again! Please! Oh, I get it, you don't wanna go back to the kennel.
The kennel? I'll go first, out of my way, you! I will go first! Look, your bellybutton's showing! It's full of space lint.
Gosalyn! I'm here to rescue you! What? Who needs rescuing? Boing.
Ready or not, Wacko, here I come! All right, Gos, cut the cute stuff.
Where's Wacko? What's the point of telling you? You don't trust me.
OK, fine.
LP, we'll just have to find him ourselves.
I've searched everywhere, Wacko's not here.
Hit it, Wack! Gosalyn, what were you thinking? That creature is a crazed space criminal! Huh? What? You're crazy! Wacko is not that way at all! (maniacal laughter) (grunting) Whoa! Brace yourselves, everyone! That does it! That alien has got to be destroyed! But, Dad, aren't you being too harsh on Wacko? Look, Gosalyn, Wacko is the bad guy! He is not! He is a harmless alien monster.
You tell him, Honk.
Um, well, um, Wacko's a harmless Harmless? No, he isn't.
Honk, you're making me look bad! What? You've got a jawbreaker just like mine and you didn't tell me? Hey! (gasps) It's an explosive seismosphere! I thought it was one of Tank's jawbreakers.
Tank? You mean he's got those spheres? It's more dangerous in Tank's hands than in that alien's! We might be able to use this to jump-start the engine.
Of course, whoever tries it will probably be fried to a crisp, but Hey! All in a day's work for Darkwing Duck.
Wake up, little quacker! (gasps) Oh, this won't be tough.
Ah, he's wasting time.
If we don't have engine thrust before we drop back into the atmosphere, we'll lose - (thud) - control! Yaah ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha! Good thing I'm not the type to panic! My trusty Darkwing jumbo-sized peashooter! Never leave home without it.
The engine! (horn honks) (Gosalyn) Yahoo! Hey! He did it! Are we pancakes yet? Wait! Where's Dad? (screams) Listen, Tank, whatever Wacko wants, Wacko gets.
(muffled) Closet.
Closet! In the closet, huh? My spheres! At last I can lay the universe to waste! That'll show 'em! Give it up, Wacko! Your world-wasting whimsies are all wrung out! Wacko, you are through! Get back, Jack.
Or get blasted! He's headed for the UFO! Outta my way, or taste the wrath of my spheres! Yuck! I don't eat wrath.
Sneaking up on me, huh? Some heroes! You can't even stop a little alien from destroying the universe! What? Will I never be rid of you and your irritating boyfriend? What?! By the way, thanks for all the help! (Wacko laughs) All yours, Dad.
(yelling) Say "uncle!" Close enough! And Darkwing Duck saves the universe! - Ahem! - With Captain Big Nasty's assistance.
So long! And, hey, thanks for the loan of the jar! Don't forget to recycle! - Bye-bye! - Bye! Hey, Drakester, thanks for minding the kids! I know I can always trust you to look out for our family's interest.
(giggling) Not a word, Gos.
Not one word.
# Darkwing Duck! # Darkwing Duck! # Darkwing Duck! # Darkwing Duck!
two.
one # Darkwing Duck # When there's trouble you call D.
W.
# Darkwing Duck Let's get dangerous.
# Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck! # Cloud of smoke and he appears # A master of surprise # Who's that cunning mind behind # That shadowy disguise? # Nobody knows for sure # But bad guys are out of luck.
'cause here comes - Darkwing Duck - Look out! # When there's trouble you call D.
W.
# Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Better watch out.
you bad boys # Darkwing Duck! Gosalyn, your choices for this evening's entertainment were simply dreadful.
Are you kidding? A rock concert, dinner at Hippo Burger - capped off by my winning a colossal, humongous blueberry supreme jawbreaker at the video arcade! (snickers) This will look great in my collection.
Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Ah! Ow! Tank, Tank, Tank! We've got to get home.
This is no time to play hopscotch.
Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Ow! Honestly, Gosalyn, if you'd choose better activities, I'd enjoy taking you even more than I do now! Dad, you lost the coin-flip with Mr.
Muddlefoot, remember? Ahem, well, yes.
The point is You always think you know what's best for me, but I But what? I do! You gotta start trusting me sooner or later, Pop.
I do? (jet engine whines) (gasps) It can't be.
Hey! (crash) What on Earth was that? It looked like a cucumber! Yeah, but that cucumber didn't come from Earth! No, Gosalyn, come back! Boy, give an inch, Gos takes a mile.
Wow! This is so cool! Hello! Anybody from another planet in there? Gosalyn, don't touch that! You don't know where it's been, why it could have Gee, Dad, I thought you were gonna trust me! Uh, well, this is different! There's no telling what we're dealing with here! Aah! (grunting) But I've got a bad feeling.
(all gasp) (helmet beeping) (choking) (groans) (sighs) Something tells me that bow tie is more than just bad taste in accessories.
I'll bet it's a collar.
He must be a pet.
Hmph, well, I hope its owner knows about unleashed alien laws in city parks.
All right! Jawbreakers! Gosalyn, for heaven's sake, get back here! Get real, Dad.
I know my aliens.
Wow, he's really neat! (whimpering) I think he wants us to get his collar off.
I don't know, Gos.
Hey! Quit eyeing me.
Beat it! Beat it! Hey! Wha? Whoa! Get away! Stop it! (Honker grunting) Yeah? Hey! Who did that? (honks) Huh.
No clasp, no buckle.
This puppy's tied but tight.
Excuse me.
Well, we have to keep him safe until his owner shows up.
(chuckles) Home at last.
That collar is practically history.
(laughs) - Boy, Launchpad won't believe this one.
- Hey, guys! Anything wrong? Excuse me, Launchpad, alien coming through.
Alien? Now, to get that collar off.
If I can find the proper instruments.
Aha! This oughta do the trick! Hold still.
It won't hurt a bit.
Aah! and then, I ran from the pet shop and into the bowling alley, where the ballet school's tournament was, and LP, LP.
Is this a long story? (screams) Ah! This is more like it! (screams) (squeaks) (wheezes) Gosalyn! Don't worry, Dad.
I'll handle it.
That's what worries me.
(Tank) Honker! Telephone all for you! But I didn't hear it ring! I did, Honk-face.
Get moving.
Aha! Oh, Mr.
Alien! What are you doing up here? Hey, no fair! Come back! What a jawbreaker collection! And it's mine! All mine! Tank, are you sure that call was for me? - The line was dead when I - You calling me a liar? Hey! (choking) Hah! Is the wittle collar hurting you? - Tank-head! - Wow! (muffled) I'm gonna get you, Gosalyn! Get me outta here right now I wonder why he would want my homework.
Lunch? Waah! Roof ruptured, Gosalyn gone! Just wait till I get my hands on that alien! That should be pretty soon! (alien) Aah! Whoa, nice catch! Will you get off me, you wretched, rubbery riffraff! - Dad! - Huh? That does it.
Um, excuse me, Mr.
Alien, but c-could I have my b-backpack, p-please? (squawks) Homework must be a rare delicacy on his planet.
So, all that talk about trusting me was just a crock! - Oh, no, honey, I - (rumbling) Whoa! That's a mighty big cabbage! Whoa! Ohh, they're probably after my term paper! (pounding) (whimpers) Gos, take cover! (speaking alien languages) Come again? - I've come for Wacko.
- Ooh, yeah? What is a Wacko? Aah! This is Wacko.
Fast work.
Now, to get those seismospheres.
I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the squashed bug on your flying-saucer windshield.
I am blown away by the alien menace.
Leave him alone, bucket-head! You talkin' to me? Um, uh, you've got something in your eye.
Hey! Hey! We've got to get you out of here, but quick! Wacko, away! Uh-oh.
- Gosalyn, up to your room.
- Aw, Dad! Oh! That makes me mad! Launchpad, let's get dangerous.
Honker, where's the alien? He's in there with my backpack.
Gos, I think (engine starts) - Come on, Honk.
- But, Gos! (banging) Had enough yet, you invincible, steely space scourge? This will teach you to underestimate the captain of the Outer Space Patrol! What? You mean you're a a cop? Not just any cop, I'm Big Nasty.
Ugly, too.
- No.
Cop, then Big Nasty.
It's my name.
- Oh! (engine roaring) My ship! It's getting away, and it's all your fault! Ha! 'Cause you can't catch a stupid pet? Pet? You idiot! Wacko's an escaped criminal in possession of the most dangerous explosives in the universe! Oh, is that all.
Hey, DW, that sure looks like Gosalyn up there.
Don't worry, Dad! I'll handle it! Gosalyn! (Launchpad) We're fueled and ready to rip.
I just hope Gos is all right.
'Course she'll be in real trouble after I rescue her.
Wow! Space! Is it cool, or what? (Wacko grunting) Come on, Honk.
Let's see how Wacko's doing.
(sighs) Oh, you poor thing.
That collar's gotta go.
Maybe there's something around here that'll help.
Hm, something tells me this'll do the trick.
Quick, Honk.
What's your favorite color? Um, cadmium red medium.
Then red it is! There! Now that didn't look too painful.
(grunts) You did it! I'm totally free! Free! Wow! You can talk? 'Course I can talk.
Collar kept me quiet.
And that's not all! Hey, with what I got in here, I can I can My seismospheres! They flew the coop! This can't be! My seismospheres! (sobbing) My colossal plans, decimated.
Well, maybe I an help you find your spheres.
Where did you last see 'em? As I recall, that plump, rude, ugly duckling had 'em.
Aha! There's your culprit, Tank! Tank? Of course, he still has my spheres.
We'll just have to turn this space cabbage around.
Eh, who needs this puny little one? (moans) Come on, come on, come on! Just a wild guess, but is something wrong? They're coming to take me away! Don't let 'em collar me again! Please! Oh, I get it, you don't wanna go back to the kennel.
The kennel? I'll go first, out of my way, you! I will go first! Look, your bellybutton's showing! It's full of space lint.
Gosalyn! I'm here to rescue you! What? Who needs rescuing? Boing.
Ready or not, Wacko, here I come! All right, Gos, cut the cute stuff.
Where's Wacko? What's the point of telling you? You don't trust me.
OK, fine.
LP, we'll just have to find him ourselves.
I've searched everywhere, Wacko's not here.
Hit it, Wack! Gosalyn, what were you thinking? That creature is a crazed space criminal! Huh? What? You're crazy! Wacko is not that way at all! (maniacal laughter) (grunting) Whoa! Brace yourselves, everyone! That does it! That alien has got to be destroyed! But, Dad, aren't you being too harsh on Wacko? Look, Gosalyn, Wacko is the bad guy! He is not! He is a harmless alien monster.
You tell him, Honk.
Um, well, um, Wacko's a harmless Harmless? No, he isn't.
Honk, you're making me look bad! What? You've got a jawbreaker just like mine and you didn't tell me? Hey! (gasps) It's an explosive seismosphere! I thought it was one of Tank's jawbreakers.
Tank? You mean he's got those spheres? It's more dangerous in Tank's hands than in that alien's! We might be able to use this to jump-start the engine.
Of course, whoever tries it will probably be fried to a crisp, but Hey! All in a day's work for Darkwing Duck.
Wake up, little quacker! (gasps) Oh, this won't be tough.
Ah, he's wasting time.
If we don't have engine thrust before we drop back into the atmosphere, we'll lose - (thud) - control! Yaah ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha! Good thing I'm not the type to panic! My trusty Darkwing jumbo-sized peashooter! Never leave home without it.
The engine! (horn honks) (Gosalyn) Yahoo! Hey! He did it! Are we pancakes yet? Wait! Where's Dad? (screams) Listen, Tank, whatever Wacko wants, Wacko gets.
(muffled) Closet.
Closet! In the closet, huh? My spheres! At last I can lay the universe to waste! That'll show 'em! Give it up, Wacko! Your world-wasting whimsies are all wrung out! Wacko, you are through! Get back, Jack.
Or get blasted! He's headed for the UFO! Outta my way, or taste the wrath of my spheres! Yuck! I don't eat wrath.
Sneaking up on me, huh? Some heroes! You can't even stop a little alien from destroying the universe! What? Will I never be rid of you and your irritating boyfriend? What?! By the way, thanks for all the help! (Wacko laughs) All yours, Dad.
(yelling) Say "uncle!" Close enough! And Darkwing Duck saves the universe! - Ahem! - With Captain Big Nasty's assistance.
So long! And, hey, thanks for the loan of the jar! Don't forget to recycle! - Bye-bye! - Bye! Hey, Drakester, thanks for minding the kids! I know I can always trust you to look out for our family's interest.
(giggling) Not a word, Gos.
Not one word.
# Darkwing Duck! # Darkwing Duck! # Darkwing Duck! # Darkwing Duck!