Darkwing Duck (1991) s01e29 Episode Script
Whiffle While You Work
# Daring duck of mystery Champion of right # Swoops out of the shadows Darkwing owns the night # Somewhere some villain schemes But his number's up # Darkwing Duck When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing, Darkwing Duck # Cloud of smoke and he appears # Master of surprise # Who's that cunning mind behind that shadowy disguise? # Nobody knows for sure But bad guys are out of luck # 'Cause here comes - # Darkwing Duck - # Look out! # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Better watch out, you bad boys # Darkwing Duck # - [Gosalyn.]
Dusted! - [glass shatters.]
Whiffle-ho! [video game beeps.]
[video game.]
Happy trails, Weasel Kid, Whiffle Boy wins again, Proceed to next level, - King! - Ah! Ahem.
Gosalyn, don't you have homework to do? Who cares? I made the semifinals in the Whiffle Boy video game competition.
Neat entry form, huh? If I win, it's my ticket to Whiffle Town for the finals! So thanks for stopping by, Dad.
Show yourself out, won't you? [video game music plays.]
Dad! Sorry, young lady, but too many video games will rot your brain.
Now, go do your homework.
Go on, scat.
Math.
No sweat.
I've got multiple choice down to a fine art.
A masterpiece! History.
"Discuss the president you admire most and why.
" George Washington.
He invented the dollar bill.
That's history.
Science.
"Prepare a simple compound.
" Piece of cake.
- [electrical fizzling.]
- [bell dings.]
Chocolate fudge.
Homework's done.
[video game beeping.]
[game.]
Suck eggs, Weasel Kid, Whiffle Boy wins again, Whoo-hoo! [laughs.]
Victory is mine.
Yes.
You're right, video games do rot your brain.
I Oh [laughs.]
I was looking for something educational to watch.
You're entering the contest too.
You knew all along.
Yeah, yeah, well Shouldn't you be out fighting crime, Darkwing? [mumbling.]
It's a slow crime week.
Yeah.
I'll quit playing just as soon as I'm called.
[chuckles.]
- Come on.
- [phone rings.]
Hello? Sorry, wrong number.
See? Nothing happening.
Hmm.
That's odd.
It's for Quackerjack Toys.
I thought he went out of business a long time ago.
That's right.
I did go out of business and it's all Whiffle Boy's fault.
He has merchandizing tie-ins, he has an advertising budget.
He has better looks.
But Quackerjack has toys! - [whistle blows.]
- [laughs.]
It's playtime! [cackling.]
# I like coffee I like tea # I like toys and they like me # I see London, I see France I see Whiffle Boy kicked in the pants # Whiffle mania is bigger than anything you can handle, Quackerjack.
The contest at the mall is proof.
Contest? Did you hear that, Mr.
Banana Brain? A chance to take the Whiffle doofus out of the game permanently! Playtime's over! [ticking.]
Ugh! We gotta get a new line of work.
[cymbal crashes.]
Gosalyn Mallard takes the lead, ladies and gents.
- [cheering.]
- Next up, Drake Mallard! Good luck.
Not like it'll make a difference.
Ha! I don't need luck, little lady.
I'm hot.
[game.]
No score, [winding down.]
Suck eggs,,, Hot? You're sizzling.
[giggles.]
It's playtime! - Who's that? - I don't know, but he ruined my game.
Darkwing Duck may have something to say about this.
Any secret crime fighter worth his salt is never far away from a broom closet.
I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the bubble gum that clings to your - shoe? - Oh, Darkwing Duck, you stay out of this.
This is between me and the Whiffle wimp.
What's Whiffle Boy ever done to hurt you? He put me, Quackerjack, the world's greatest toy maker, out of business.
Well, I'm putting you out of commission.
Hey Yah! No mere toy can stop Darkwing Duck.
Unless, of course, it happens to be motorized.
# Run away, run away Live to play another day # [vibrating.]
I can't get out! Getting dizzier I'll help you, Darkwing! Gos, you're stealing my show.
[clears throat.]
I was about to do that.
Come back and fight, clown! Jacks? That's a sissy game.
What sissy game? It's a classic! [cackles.]
Oh! Well, I think that scared him off.
Whiffle Boy is safe once again.
- Pat, I'm thinking publicity.
- Talk to me, Pat.
[male Pat.]
Darkwing Duck in our competition.
It's big, really big.
It's a go.
Run with it, babe.
Yes! # We have no bananas! # - I'm Pat, this is Pat.
- Pleasure.
DW, babe, you, the competition.
How about it? Um, ahem, let me check my calendar.
- Darkwing Duck would be delighted.
- Fab.
You and a kid.
Major showdown.
Who, pray tell, might my [laughs.]
worthy little adversary be? Gosalyn Mallard.
[murmuring.]
I do so hope you won't be too hard on me, sir.
I'll have to practice hard to beat such a talented player, little lady.
Let's take this grudge match to Whiffle Town.
[crowd.]
Gosalyn! Gosalyn! Gosalyn! Thanks for warming my crowd, kid.
[crowd continues chanting.]
Greetings, Whiffle Town! Huh? Oh! It's only a flesh wound.
Sorry your old man couldn't be here, little one.
Food poisoning, you say? Could be he's awfully delicate.
Sort of a sickly, wimpy type.
Molecular digitizer.
Hot stuff.
Watch closely.
Hold on to your seats, as it were.
And that, mis amigos, is how we get Whiffle Boy.
And save a bundle on programming costs.
[both.]
Cool! To your left, Mount Whiffle.
To your right, the convention center.
- You'll note the banner reads: - "Welcome, Gosalyn"? I was asked first.
I'm the star! To the left you'll see a giant Crying Crissy Doll.
[all.]
A giant Crying Crissy Doll? [doll.]
Mama! Mama! What's a giant Crying Crissy Doll doing in Whiffle Town? Flooding it! Mama! Mama! [laughing.]
It's playtime! Mama! Mama! [giggling.]
You're all washed-up, Sniffle Boy! Boy do I hate a crybaby.
I'll give you something to bawl about.
[Darkwing.]
Eat mortar dust.
[sobbing.]
So it's tears you want? No, this is mortar.
That was tear gas.
Oops.
Way to go, Dad.
I am the terror that flaps in the night.
I am the wrong number that wakes you at 3am.
I am soaked.
I had one of these dolls at the orphanage.
I'll fix her.
Whoa! Cowabunga! Those cheap dolls.
The head was always the first thing to go.
I hate you and your playmates, Whiffle Boy! [video game music plays.]
[game.]
Congratulations, Highest score, Proceed to the Ultimal Level, Oh, you've got power gloves! And power boots! And 5-D glasses.
Face it, Dad, you're history.
You've never even reached Ultimal Level.
Look, I know it's not much but maybe we can work out some installment plan? Oh, brother! My own dad trying to bribe me! Bribe? Uh, well, consider it a cost of living increase in your allowance.
Uh, now look, Quackerjack's sure to show up.
I'm only trying to protect you.
I'm only in this silly contest so I can apprehend him.
Sure, like you did today.
Give me those.
Gosalyn, as your father, I order you not to go.
Then I'm afraid some very important people may find out your true identity.
- You wouldn't.
- Try me.
- You'd do that to moi? - Well - [female Pat.]
Gosalyn, babe.
- [male Pat.]
Darkwing.
- Limo's waiting.
- Competition time.
Chop, chop.
- In this corner.
- Direct from St.
Canard.
- The delicate.
- The charming.
- The dangerous.
- Gosalyn Mallard! My gloves.
I can't play without my power gloves.
- And in this corner - The one - The only - [both.]
Darkwing Duck! [cheering.]
Hey! Those are my gloves! Liar, cheater, power glove stealer! Let me at him! Let me at him! - Chill, babe.
You'll get your chance.
- First, a surprise for the audience.
The Molecular Digitizer! [Pat.]
We'll digitize Whiffle Boy right before your eyes.
[clicking tongue.]
Don't they know video games rot your brain? Oh, great.
Quacker Crunch's here.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm pleased to announce [laughing.]
playtime! What's the big deal? They can't see you.
You think they Homing devices! [yelling.]
[laughing.]
Next! [teeth whimpering.]
[train whistle blows.]
Olé! I hope you croak, you despicable duck! Mama! - [yelling.]
- [crashing.]
Darkwing! Help! They shouldn't be in there.
Duh, Mr.
Wizard.
What happened? The gun must've shorted out.
Tough break.
Good thing it's only a game.
Ow! - A very realistic game.
- Oh, what a horrible fate.
- I can already feel my brain rotting.
- Get 'em, get 'em, get 'em.
Uh-oh! Could it be? Yow! Whoo-hoo! Hey! Whiffle, old buddy, help me out, would ya? [game.]
Aw, Whiffle got walloped, One down, two to go, [Quackerjack laughing.]
You hate Whiffle Boy as much as I do.
Now wallop him, playpal! Poor Dad I mean, Darkwing! We gotta get him out! There's only one way out.
The exits on the Ultimal Level.
[Gosalyn.]
Ultimal Level? He's a goner.
Unless Whiffle Boy helps.
- Get 'em, get 'em, get 'em! - [Quackerjack laughs.]
It's playtime! I can get to like video games.
Suck gas, Weasel jerk! [chirping.]
[laughs.]
I guess things don't work the same in here.
Whiffle-ho! Let the games begin! [game.]
Happy trails, Weasel Kid, Whiffle Boy wins again, Yes! The Whiffster is back! - [game.]
Proceed to next level, - No, you don't! Well, Whiffle pal, I guess you know what level this is.
Spider attack! Gross! I know just the thing.
Whiff buddy, we gotta work on your aim.
Uh-oh! I was only kidding about the aim.
Nice shot.
[game.]
Suck eggs, Weasel Kid, Whiffle Boy wins again, Proceed to next level, The dreaded Kung-Fu Gibbons.
Whiff, let's get dangerous! [grunting.]
Better let me handle him, Whiff.
You've only got two lives left.
Hi-ya! Try your ninja nonsense on Mr.
Banana Brain, my fine feathered fop.
- [ticking.]
- Oops.
Good job, Darkwing.
[game.]
Oh, Whiffle got walloped, Two down, one to go, This one's for the Whiffer.
[grunting.]
Get 'em! Get 'em! Get 'em! It's about time.
Where were you? Hi-ya! I meant to do that.
[game.]
Tough beans, Weasel Kid, Whiffle Boy wins again, Proceed to Ultimal Level, Ultimal Level.
I've never actually gotten this far.
Whiffle-ho! Watch it, Whiffle.
You get whacked again and it's curtains! [game.]
Daddy Weasel unhappy, You picked on his boy, Daddy Weasel? [laughing.]
You! Whiffle-ho! [gasping.]
[grunting.]
My last Whiffle.
Darkwing's on his own.
Well, that's just great, Whiff.
Abandon me, your biggest fan.
Faster, faster! [laughing.]
Jump, Darkwing! Jump! Ah! Oh, help me! I've fallen and I can't get up! Just kidding.
Ouch! Yeah, yeah.
You might say they fell for the old lame duck routine.
I'll get you yet! - Can we get him out now? - Sure.
Unless Gator Gal gets him first.
Gator Gal? That's the way out? Nice doggy.
[laughs.]
Nice belly flop, sport.
Two can play that game.
[Quackerjack yelling.]
Don't look, Dad.
It's not pretty.
[Quackerjack.]
I don't like this game! Babe, congrats I think.
You won, I guess.
Well, Darkwing did help a little.
Let's call it a tie.
- Smile.
- Major photo-op here.
Gosalyn, let's not let anything come between us ever again.
- I'll take that.
- That's mine.
- It's heavy.
- Leave that.
- I insist.
No! I'll take it! - Mine! Mine! # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck #
Dusted! - [glass shatters.]
Whiffle-ho! [video game beeps.]
[video game.]
Happy trails, Weasel Kid, Whiffle Boy wins again, Proceed to next level, - King! - Ah! Ahem.
Gosalyn, don't you have homework to do? Who cares? I made the semifinals in the Whiffle Boy video game competition.
Neat entry form, huh? If I win, it's my ticket to Whiffle Town for the finals! So thanks for stopping by, Dad.
Show yourself out, won't you? [video game music plays.]
Dad! Sorry, young lady, but too many video games will rot your brain.
Now, go do your homework.
Go on, scat.
Math.
No sweat.
I've got multiple choice down to a fine art.
A masterpiece! History.
"Discuss the president you admire most and why.
" George Washington.
He invented the dollar bill.
That's history.
Science.
"Prepare a simple compound.
" Piece of cake.
- [electrical fizzling.]
- [bell dings.]
Chocolate fudge.
Homework's done.
[video game beeping.]
[game.]
Suck eggs, Weasel Kid, Whiffle Boy wins again, Whoo-hoo! [laughs.]
Victory is mine.
Yes.
You're right, video games do rot your brain.
I Oh [laughs.]
I was looking for something educational to watch.
You're entering the contest too.
You knew all along.
Yeah, yeah, well Shouldn't you be out fighting crime, Darkwing? [mumbling.]
It's a slow crime week.
Yeah.
I'll quit playing just as soon as I'm called.
[chuckles.]
- Come on.
- [phone rings.]
Hello? Sorry, wrong number.
See? Nothing happening.
Hmm.
That's odd.
It's for Quackerjack Toys.
I thought he went out of business a long time ago.
That's right.
I did go out of business and it's all Whiffle Boy's fault.
He has merchandizing tie-ins, he has an advertising budget.
He has better looks.
But Quackerjack has toys! - [whistle blows.]
- [laughs.]
It's playtime! [cackling.]
# I like coffee I like tea # I like toys and they like me # I see London, I see France I see Whiffle Boy kicked in the pants # Whiffle mania is bigger than anything you can handle, Quackerjack.
The contest at the mall is proof.
Contest? Did you hear that, Mr.
Banana Brain? A chance to take the Whiffle doofus out of the game permanently! Playtime's over! [ticking.]
Ugh! We gotta get a new line of work.
[cymbal crashes.]
Gosalyn Mallard takes the lead, ladies and gents.
- [cheering.]
- Next up, Drake Mallard! Good luck.
Not like it'll make a difference.
Ha! I don't need luck, little lady.
I'm hot.
[game.]
No score, [winding down.]
Suck eggs,,, Hot? You're sizzling.
[giggles.]
It's playtime! - Who's that? - I don't know, but he ruined my game.
Darkwing Duck may have something to say about this.
Any secret crime fighter worth his salt is never far away from a broom closet.
I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the bubble gum that clings to your - shoe? - Oh, Darkwing Duck, you stay out of this.
This is between me and the Whiffle wimp.
What's Whiffle Boy ever done to hurt you? He put me, Quackerjack, the world's greatest toy maker, out of business.
Well, I'm putting you out of commission.
Hey Yah! No mere toy can stop Darkwing Duck.
Unless, of course, it happens to be motorized.
# Run away, run away Live to play another day # [vibrating.]
I can't get out! Getting dizzier I'll help you, Darkwing! Gos, you're stealing my show.
[clears throat.]
I was about to do that.
Come back and fight, clown! Jacks? That's a sissy game.
What sissy game? It's a classic! [cackles.]
Oh! Well, I think that scared him off.
Whiffle Boy is safe once again.
- Pat, I'm thinking publicity.
- Talk to me, Pat.
[male Pat.]
Darkwing Duck in our competition.
It's big, really big.
It's a go.
Run with it, babe.
Yes! # We have no bananas! # - I'm Pat, this is Pat.
- Pleasure.
DW, babe, you, the competition.
How about it? Um, ahem, let me check my calendar.
- Darkwing Duck would be delighted.
- Fab.
You and a kid.
Major showdown.
Who, pray tell, might my [laughs.]
worthy little adversary be? Gosalyn Mallard.
[murmuring.]
I do so hope you won't be too hard on me, sir.
I'll have to practice hard to beat such a talented player, little lady.
Let's take this grudge match to Whiffle Town.
[crowd.]
Gosalyn! Gosalyn! Gosalyn! Thanks for warming my crowd, kid.
[crowd continues chanting.]
Greetings, Whiffle Town! Huh? Oh! It's only a flesh wound.
Sorry your old man couldn't be here, little one.
Food poisoning, you say? Could be he's awfully delicate.
Sort of a sickly, wimpy type.
Molecular digitizer.
Hot stuff.
Watch closely.
Hold on to your seats, as it were.
And that, mis amigos, is how we get Whiffle Boy.
And save a bundle on programming costs.
[both.]
Cool! To your left, Mount Whiffle.
To your right, the convention center.
- You'll note the banner reads: - "Welcome, Gosalyn"? I was asked first.
I'm the star! To the left you'll see a giant Crying Crissy Doll.
[all.]
A giant Crying Crissy Doll? [doll.]
Mama! Mama! What's a giant Crying Crissy Doll doing in Whiffle Town? Flooding it! Mama! Mama! [laughing.]
It's playtime! Mama! Mama! [giggling.]
You're all washed-up, Sniffle Boy! Boy do I hate a crybaby.
I'll give you something to bawl about.
[Darkwing.]
Eat mortar dust.
[sobbing.]
So it's tears you want? No, this is mortar.
That was tear gas.
Oops.
Way to go, Dad.
I am the terror that flaps in the night.
I am the wrong number that wakes you at 3am.
I am soaked.
I had one of these dolls at the orphanage.
I'll fix her.
Whoa! Cowabunga! Those cheap dolls.
The head was always the first thing to go.
I hate you and your playmates, Whiffle Boy! [video game music plays.]
[game.]
Congratulations, Highest score, Proceed to the Ultimal Level, Oh, you've got power gloves! And power boots! And 5-D glasses.
Face it, Dad, you're history.
You've never even reached Ultimal Level.
Look, I know it's not much but maybe we can work out some installment plan? Oh, brother! My own dad trying to bribe me! Bribe? Uh, well, consider it a cost of living increase in your allowance.
Uh, now look, Quackerjack's sure to show up.
I'm only trying to protect you.
I'm only in this silly contest so I can apprehend him.
Sure, like you did today.
Give me those.
Gosalyn, as your father, I order you not to go.
Then I'm afraid some very important people may find out your true identity.
- You wouldn't.
- Try me.
- You'd do that to moi? - Well - [female Pat.]
Gosalyn, babe.
- [male Pat.]
Darkwing.
- Limo's waiting.
- Competition time.
Chop, chop.
- In this corner.
- Direct from St.
Canard.
- The delicate.
- The charming.
- The dangerous.
- Gosalyn Mallard! My gloves.
I can't play without my power gloves.
- And in this corner - The one - The only - [both.]
Darkwing Duck! [cheering.]
Hey! Those are my gloves! Liar, cheater, power glove stealer! Let me at him! Let me at him! - Chill, babe.
You'll get your chance.
- First, a surprise for the audience.
The Molecular Digitizer! [Pat.]
We'll digitize Whiffle Boy right before your eyes.
[clicking tongue.]
Don't they know video games rot your brain? Oh, great.
Quacker Crunch's here.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm pleased to announce [laughing.]
playtime! What's the big deal? They can't see you.
You think they Homing devices! [yelling.]
[laughing.]
Next! [teeth whimpering.]
[train whistle blows.]
Olé! I hope you croak, you despicable duck! Mama! - [yelling.]
- [crashing.]
Darkwing! Help! They shouldn't be in there.
Duh, Mr.
Wizard.
What happened? The gun must've shorted out.
Tough break.
Good thing it's only a game.
Ow! - A very realistic game.
- Oh, what a horrible fate.
- I can already feel my brain rotting.
- Get 'em, get 'em, get 'em.
Uh-oh! Could it be? Yow! Whoo-hoo! Hey! Whiffle, old buddy, help me out, would ya? [game.]
Aw, Whiffle got walloped, One down, two to go, [Quackerjack laughing.]
You hate Whiffle Boy as much as I do.
Now wallop him, playpal! Poor Dad I mean, Darkwing! We gotta get him out! There's only one way out.
The exits on the Ultimal Level.
[Gosalyn.]
Ultimal Level? He's a goner.
Unless Whiffle Boy helps.
- Get 'em, get 'em, get 'em! - [Quackerjack laughs.]
It's playtime! I can get to like video games.
Suck gas, Weasel jerk! [chirping.]
[laughs.]
I guess things don't work the same in here.
Whiffle-ho! Let the games begin! [game.]
Happy trails, Weasel Kid, Whiffle Boy wins again, Yes! The Whiffster is back! - [game.]
Proceed to next level, - No, you don't! Well, Whiffle pal, I guess you know what level this is.
Spider attack! Gross! I know just the thing.
Whiff buddy, we gotta work on your aim.
Uh-oh! I was only kidding about the aim.
Nice shot.
[game.]
Suck eggs, Weasel Kid, Whiffle Boy wins again, Proceed to next level, The dreaded Kung-Fu Gibbons.
Whiff, let's get dangerous! [grunting.]
Better let me handle him, Whiff.
You've only got two lives left.
Hi-ya! Try your ninja nonsense on Mr.
Banana Brain, my fine feathered fop.
- [ticking.]
- Oops.
Good job, Darkwing.
[game.]
Oh, Whiffle got walloped, Two down, one to go, This one's for the Whiffer.
[grunting.]
Get 'em! Get 'em! Get 'em! It's about time.
Where were you? Hi-ya! I meant to do that.
[game.]
Tough beans, Weasel Kid, Whiffle Boy wins again, Proceed to Ultimal Level, Ultimal Level.
I've never actually gotten this far.
Whiffle-ho! Watch it, Whiffle.
You get whacked again and it's curtains! [game.]
Daddy Weasel unhappy, You picked on his boy, Daddy Weasel? [laughing.]
You! Whiffle-ho! [gasping.]
[grunting.]
My last Whiffle.
Darkwing's on his own.
Well, that's just great, Whiff.
Abandon me, your biggest fan.
Faster, faster! [laughing.]
Jump, Darkwing! Jump! Ah! Oh, help me! I've fallen and I can't get up! Just kidding.
Ouch! Yeah, yeah.
You might say they fell for the old lame duck routine.
I'll get you yet! - Can we get him out now? - Sure.
Unless Gator Gal gets him first.
Gator Gal? That's the way out? Nice doggy.
[laughs.]
Nice belly flop, sport.
Two can play that game.
[Quackerjack yelling.]
Don't look, Dad.
It's not pretty.
[Quackerjack.]
I don't like this game! Babe, congrats I think.
You won, I guess.
Well, Darkwing did help a little.
Let's call it a tie.
- Smile.
- Major photo-op here.
Gosalyn, let's not let anything come between us ever again.
- I'll take that.
- That's mine.
- It's heavy.
- Leave that.
- I insist.
No! I'll take it! - Mine! Mine! # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck #