Darkwing Duck (1991) s01e37 Episode Script

# Daring duck of mystery Champion of right # Swoops out of the shadows Darkwing owns the night # Somewhere some villain schemes But his number's up # Darkwing Duck When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing, Darkwing Duck # Cloud of smoke and he appears # Master of surprise # Who's that cunning mind behind that shadowy disguise? # Nobody knows for sure But bad guys are out of luck # 'Cause here comes - # Darkwing Duck - # Look out! # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Better watch out, you bad boys # Darkwing Duck # [Darkwing.]
You and your volunteering.
We'll barely make it to the video store.
[Launchpad.]
But it was on our way home.
No, Launchpad.
The Video King is on our way home.
A secret SHUSH lab in the Swiss Alps is not on our way home.
Ah, my package from SHUSH Central.
Thank you, Lawnchair.
Uh, that's Launchpad.
One could drown in paperwork without one of these babies to keep it in line.
A stapler? We flew halfway around the world to deliver a stapler? [mutters unintelligibly.]
Then I guess we can be going? Boys, I want you to meet the head of research here.
This is Dr.
Sarah Bellum.
- Pleased to meet you.
We have to leave.
- Swell place you got here, doc.
Dr.
Bellum has been perfecting our secret Norma Ray.
It creates Norma particles, the source of physic powers.
You know, fire-starting, future-seeing, levitation, the works! Source of psychic powers? Oh, please! Now, Darkwing, this research is vitally important to the cause.
Uh-huh.
Uh what causes that? Cause, if FOWL invents one first, we're dead meat.
[sighs.]
FOWL, the Fiendish Organization of World Larceny.
[woman.]
We expect results from FOWL's psychic division, Major Synapse, - And with your new troops,,, - Troops?! You call these troops? - Camera.
- Frying pan.
- Automobile.
- [woman.]
Uh, head cheese.
Denver omelet.
Troops wear uniforms, are disciplined! Troops kill things! Troops also perish when they're marched into erupting volcanoes, [stammers.]
It was, uh, necessary.
We had to secure that volcano.
Get some results with our psychic division, and we'll consider returning you to your post, Major, - Bowling ball.
- Dental floss.
Results? They're not even good enough for luaus and birthday parties! A tub of lard.
It's definitely a tub of lard! [Sarah.]
So, basically, we need a brave volunteer who's dedicated to SHUSH, but not covered by our medical plan.
- Yeah, well, good luck.
Let's go.
- I'll do it.
Well done, Stamp Pad.
Now, it's very important that you display minimum cerebral activity - while the ray is activated.
- Huh? - Don't think.
- Oh, [chuckles.]
no problemo.
[electrical buzzing.]
I wanna see some brainwave activity here, soldiers! Latrine duty, need I remind anyone, is an excruciatingly unappetizing assignment, an assignment I would particularly hate to have.
[unintelligible ranting.]
Now we're talking.
This is what I call brainpower! - [moaning.]
- Fly, fly, fly! Wait a minute.
This reading is coming from somewhere else.
- [machine powers down.]
- He doesn't look any different.
You're right.
We'll have to slice open his skull and take apart his brain.
- What? - [laughs.]
Just a little mad scientist humor.
Now that your brain is supercharged with Norma Rays, we'll test you for incredible psychic feats.
- Launchpad, try to lift the balloon.
- Ha! Piece of cake.
- No, with your mind.
- Oh, sorry.
[grunting.]
[sighs.]
OK, stop.
[scoffs.]
Pretty incredible.
Now try lighting this match.
- Ha! Piece of cake.
- With your mind! Whoops.
[chuckles.]
Yeah.
[grunting.]
I don't understand.
There should be some reaction.
Tell me what's in this box.
With your mind your mind! OK, it's a big, red fire engine.
Hey, hey! Piece of cake! [sobbing.]
I'm a failure.
[fire engine siren.]
[groans.]
All this thinking's giving me a headache.
- Maybe we ought to leave.
- Launchpad, you read my mind.
The Trail of the Atomic Slug and Mutant Mechanics From Mars, Nothing like an evening with the classics.
- What are you doing? - You don't wanna break it, do you? - What are you talking about? - Incoming! - [groans.]
- Atomic Slug? Didn't they have Spud Killers of Zombieland? Only the colorized version.
Now, would you mind getting - There.
- Did you two have this planned? Have what planned? Gos, you'd better get that, it's for you.
- Get what? - [ringing.]
- [unintelligible.]
- Hey, it is for me.
Now you guys just cut this out.
Maybe I did get psychic powers.
[scoffs.]
No one in their right mind could have psychic powers.
Launchpad, where did you get that? Uh the refrigerator? [crashing.]
That's impossible! It's on wires, right? - [Launchpad.]
No.
It's not.
- [yelling.]
No way.
Cool, Launchpad.
Wow! Snow! Amazing! Launchpad, do you know what this means? Uh, we have to buy snow shovels? No.
With your powers, I'll be invincible.
I'll freeze my enemies in their tracks.
I'll drop pianos on them with the blink of an eye.
Kabong! I'll predict their every move! It With a little help from you, of course.
But, uh, that'll be our little secret.
Nobody'll know except you and me.
And the Muddlefoots.
The Muddlefoots? Why would we tell? - [both.]
The Muddlefoots.
- That's us.
Now what are you hanging around here for? Gee, Drake, maybe you ought to have your air conditioner checked out, huh? So, you predict the future, levitate objects, and cause it to snow.
What else can you do? [Darkwing shouting.]
I guess I do fire, too.
Sorry, DW.
I think it only happens when I think.
[panting.]
Let's try not to think, OK, old buddy? [laughs.]
OK, I'll just wait for the burgers.
[gasps.]
The secret of a great barbeque, is to use the proper tools.
Huh? Ooh, have some punch? Goodness, Drake, you sure are thirsty.
Hey, Honk, what's up? Honker, don't be so literal.
I'm not thinking, I'm not thinking, I'm not thinking! I knew we should have left you at the house.
- [gasps.]
- [Launchpad.]
Sorry, my mind wandered.
[Binkie.]
Oh, dear, where's the mustard? It must be in the fridge.
I'll get it, hon.
No, no, no, no.
I'll get it.
I'll get it.
You stay here.
[laughs.]
I can't believe this.
Of all the lousy timing, stupid brain ray.
A-ha! Gee, thanks, Drake.
Looks like you could use more ice.
[gasps.]
- Launchpad.
- What? What is it now? - He put the fire out.
- So what? It But, Pop, I didn't touch 'em.
[stammers.]
Leave the cooking to me, Herb.
I didn't know you were a cooking man, Drake.
I didn't mean to freeze it.
Maybe I can fix it.
Well, uh, how do you like them done there, Herb, old buddy? Uh, me, I I I kinda like them [gasps.]
well done.
What a jerk.
We'll be right back.
[laughs.]
Just gonna run, get some weenies.
Weenies? Great! Just figures.
Can't fly a plane, can't control super powers.
We gotta get you to that SHUSH lab before you blast me off the face of the earth.
Well, we'd better hurry.
Someone's about to steal the Norma Ray.
OK, Wayne, don't think.
- [clicking.]
- Destination right on target, troops.
- [zapping.]
- [pop.]
[gasps.]
Wayne, I told you not to think.
Hmm.
What I really need are some more human subjects.
- Maybe we can help? - Oh, wonderful.
It's nice to have so many vic uh, volunteers.
OK, troops, fall in for blasting.
Come on, don't be shy.
Just remember, while you're being blasted, don't think.
- Why not? - Your head will explode.
So, just don't think, OK? [both.]
Explode? Of course, there's always latrine duty.
- [both stammering.]
- That's it.
FOWL likes to see their troops taking initiative.
[gasps.]
FOWL? You're enemy agents! Get away from that ray! - [thudding.]
- [zapping.]
Back, back, back, back! No! [both.]
Groovy.
[crashing.]
Ha! They'll never suspect we're coming.
Uh, you are coming, aren't you, Launchpad? Hey, DW, am I going bald? Ah! My head! Darkwing, my head! It's not that bad, really.
It's hardly noticeable.
- Really? - Look let's see if we can't use that big head of yours to clobber some crooks.
Whatever you say, DW.
[whistling noise.]
- Again with the refrigerator? - Sorry.
Uh, uh, I'll tell you what, Launchpad, you stay here, I'll strike while I still have the element of surprise.
I am the terror that flaps in the night.
I am the whoa! [groans.]
misshapened blotch that stains your walls.
Thought you could get the drop on us? Would've been nice.
What of it? It's foolish when you're dealing with those Who can see the future.
Cosmic, huh? I'm Hotshot.
I can burn Don't you know you could start a forest fire? or I can freeze.
[shouting.]
And you can call me Flygirl.
Gee, I kinda hoped I was done with all this psychic stuff.
Darkwing Duck stands his ground.
Or in it, as the case may be.
[man yodeling.]
Smashing, just smashing! Hotshot, front and center, soldier.
Yes, sir.
[sniffs.]
Is something burning? Yeow! Ow, ow! Hot, hot! Pain, agony! [thudding.]
[wind whistling.]
Hey, you guys, back off! [all.]
Whoa! Hey, LP, you're pretty good.
Quick! Hit 'em with something bigger.
Whoops.
Them! Them! [off-key yodeling.]
I've got the Norma Ray, a killer psychic squad, and Darkwing Duck.
You know what this means, troops? [both.]
You dig our aura, sir? Affirmative.
File out! # I don't know but I've been told [both.]
# I don't know but I've been told # Hotshot's ice is mighty cold [both.]
# Hotshot's ice is mighty cold # [Launchpad grunts.]
Get off my back! DW? DW, where are you? [sobs.]
Me and my big head.
I never should've volunteered for this stupid experiment.
Now FOWL's got DW.
And it's all my fault! - Oops.
Did I do that? - Now how are we gonna rescue Dad? Like we even know where he is.
Launchpad, what's that? The biggest head in the world? No, this.
This is that military guy I told you about.
I'll use my psychic powers to get a fix on where he is.
Launchpad, it's his license.
It has his address on it.
Great! We'll just zip over there in the Oh, right.
Whoa! This'll work.
- Hey, look out! - [people shouting.]
[honking.]
This isn't working! Take off the bag! Aww, but everybody's staring at my head.
It's not your head.
It's your flying! Oh, right.
We're coming, DW.
Keep your cool.
Behold, FOWL high command, Darkwing Duck on ice.
Yes, I recognize his trademark witty repartee, Liquidate him, OK, soldier.
Bring in the duck-smasher! Ooh! [grunts.]
That's the second biggest duck-smasher I've ever seen.
Wait, I'm getting a vision.
Look out! [shouts.]
Oh, what is it? I wanna see.
Gee, your mental video.
[gasp.]
They're gonna squash Dad! [all cackling.]
[Flygirl.]
Can I squash him yet? This thing's heavy! - Just wait.
- What a drag.
Now, regarding my future with FOWL, there's a few changes I want made.
I want a promotion, free lunches, and a parking space for my tank.
Yes, yes, Just destroy Darkwing Duck, And every alternate Thursday off for recreational bayonet drill.
OK, what's the plan? Well, first we get attacked.
- Attacked? What kind of plan is that? - [both shout.]
Here's Hotshot! - [grunting.]
- Whoa.
Big drop.
Can I drop it yet? Not yet.
Free tickets to the FOWL winter carnival.
Whoa! Hey, hey! Yikes! I guess I gotta fight fire with fire.
Sort of.
[laughs.]
Maybe you can get a job as a snow cone machine.
Oh, yeah? well, I can see the future.
You're gonna smack your head on something.
[laughs.]
[clang.]
It's kinda fuzzy.
You're gonna do some traveling.
[satellite beeps.]
Come on, Launchpad.
Quick! - OK, coming right down.
- Whoa! Uh-oh.
[moaning.]
Oh, brain sprain.
- What's going on there? - Oh, nothing.
Nothing at all.
Can I drop it yet? Not yet! Not yet! Gosalyn! What are you doing here? Well, I know how much you hate crushed ice.
What a kid.
- [grunts.]
- [groans, yells.]
[yells.]
Nice save, LP.
[screams.]
[both sigh.]
[stammers.]
Everything's just fine.
Uh-oh.
We gotta get you outta here.
Aw, you never let me have any fun.
Now, now! Drop it now! It's about time.
[both gasping.]
[straining.]
I'll just put this where it can't hurt anyone.
[both gasp.]
Help.
[clears throat.]
That takes care of them.
Then let's get me back to normal.
Uh, you know, LP, your head came in pretty handy back there.
Maybe we should keep these powers of yours around.
Oh, no way! My flight caps don't fit any more, and I look ridiculous.
I wanna be normal again.
Oh, but, what about "vvvt" and wham-o and and predicting our enemy's every move? N-O spells uh-uh.
Oh, all right.
You win.
We'll flick the reverse switch on this thing.
- What reverse switch? - What? There's always a reverse switch.
What kind of secret ray gun doesn't have a reverse switch? The kind the villain needs to defeat the heroes.
[cackling.]
I'll beat you myself with my own powers! Remember, don't think while you're being blasted.
[both.]
Launchpad.
Thanks for reminding me.
Yeow! I am not thinking.
I am not thinking.
[electricity zapping.]
- I think he did himself in.
- [Synapse.]
Think again.
[cackling.]
I've achieved ultimate psychic power.
Eww, gross.
Some nerve gas ought to have an amusing effect on a huge brain.
- [crashing.]
- That didn't seem too amusing to me.
I'm gonna blast its head off.
[straining.]
You cannot harm me.
I am pure thought.
Thought, huh? Let's find out why you're not supposed to think while you're pumped full of Norma Rays.
What is the airspeed velocity of a common garden swallow? - What? - How come I can't raise my allowance? Uh, do bees be, do fish fish? - What's the cube root of 14? - Do flies fly? - Why does grass grow? - If a train leaves Chicago Oh, no! [screams.]
[both.]
Launchpad? - Launchpad? - Launchpad? You're back to normal! I am? I am! [laughs.]
That's a load off my mind.
Come on, old pal.
Let's go get you a new flight cap.
But the aviation supply store isn't on the way home.
It is for you, you knucklehead.