Darkwing Duck (1991) s01e42 Episode Script
Twitching Channels
# Daring duck of mystery Champion of right # Swoops out of the shadows Darkwing owns the night # Somewhere some villain schemes But his number's up # Darkwing Duck When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing, Darkwing Duck # Cloud of smoke and he appears # Master of surprise # Who's that cunning mind behind that shadowy disguise? # Nobody knows for sure But bad guys are out of luck # 'Cause here comes - # Darkwing Duck - # Look out! # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Better watch out, you bad boys # Darkwing Duck # [on TV.]
Oh, Goosey, I'm home! [announcer.]
We'll be back after these brief,,, Feeling tired, headache-y? Then try,,, [woman screams.]
- [news announcer.]
This just in, - [woman.]
Today's contestants won,,, Ha ha! I've done it! I've done it! Oh, yes, yes, yes! They called me crazy! They called me insane! They called me loony! And, boy, were they right.
But now, my fellow luminaries, I present you with the Electrolyzer! - [applause.]
- Thank you, thank you.
Oh, lighten up.
'Course I'll show you how it works.
[electric fizzling.]
Oh And now, in a feat never before attempted by a mad genius I become a real live wire! Hey! Whoa! Whoa! I'm being swept away by the current! Whoa! Whoo! That was kinda fun.
Oh, boy, it's dark.
Can't see where I'm going.
Ah! Hey, hey! I better get out of here! Now where am I? A TV set? I've always wanted to break into television, Wait a minute, By adjusting my frequency, I can travel through the airwaves, Ladies and gentlemen,,, ,,,here's Megavolt! Thank you, thank you, No applause, just send money, Better yet, I'll just help myself, [laughs.]
[on TV.]
And now, Chiller Diller Theater presents the terrifying movie, - It Came From the Television Set! - Ah! Hello, there! I'd like to place an order to go.
I'll take some fives, a couple of tens and a large order of twenties.
Uh Thank you and come again.
And what you'll like best about our all new super-screen TV is the way the picture practically jumps out at you.
- Well, you sold me! - [yells.]
[laughs.]
It's a crime what they put on TV these days.
[straining.]
Here, Drakerooni.
Let me get the door for you.
Thank, Herb.
I Hey! You're supposed to be holding the other side.
Oh! Just what's in this box, anyway? [laughs.]
Wait till you see it.
It's the all-new, state of the art Turbo Technic - Remote control? - Not just any remote control.
A Turbo Technic remote control.
Ah! I'll never need to get up from the couch again with this sucker.
It'll operate my stereo [loud music blares.]
pop my popcorn up something fierce [yelps.]
and it'll even clean up after me.
Yow! Hey, get back! Down, boy! - Ouch! - Pretty nifty, eh, Drakester? [grunting.]
[sighs.]
Yeah.
Nifty.
Yep! It takes all the work out of watching TV.
Right, that's just wonderful.
Well, I Sorry I can't stay, but Hey! That's Megavolt! Yes, Alex, I'll take electrical connections for 500, How'd he get on TV? I can't even get a guest shot on talk radio.
Let's see what else is on.
Supervillains and the women who love them, That's the focus on today's Opal Windbag show, Megavolt again? Today, we'll be making turkey the Megavolt way, Some prefer to bake, I prefer to microwave, Bon appétit! Gimme that! [Drake stammering.]
I don't believe this.
[Megavolt.]
Do not change the channel, 'Cause I'm on all of them! Yah! Whoa! A Turbo Technic remote! I'll take it! We'll be right back,,, whenever I feel like it! [whimpers.]
He He stole my Turbo Technic! [sobbing.]
Don't worry.
I'll get that low-wattage worm.
- You? - Well, I meant I'd find someone to get that low-wattage worm.
Yeah.
It shouldn't be too hard to track Megavolt's transmission, especially since he's on every channel.
Come on, folks, Let's keep those phone lines ringing, Remember, it's your pledge money that keeps me on the air, And out of your homes, [laughs.]
[beeping.]
A-ha! The transmission source.
Yah! I think I'd better adjust my reception.
[sighs.]
Much better.
[Darkwing.]
I am the terror that flaps in the night.
I am the low rating that cancels your program.
I am Darkwing Duck! Yeah, well, duck this! Ha! This time, I'm prepared for your high-voltage villainy.
A plunger? [laughs.]
What are you gonna do, unclog my sink? No, just remove a hair ball.
Eat wattage, Darkwing! [moaning.]
I think it's time to return to my regularly scheduled program.
Uh-uh.
Don't touch that dial.
[straining.]
[both.]
Whoa! Oh, well.
I may not have my Turbo Technic remote control anymore, but I can still change channels without getting up off the couch.
[on TV.]
And now, back to The Old and the Worthless.
Oh, darling, We must stop meeting like this, What if Rob finds out? He'll tell Jim, - And Jim will tell John and,,, - Enough, already! - A-ha! - Uh-oh! Come back here, you melodramatic mischief maker! And now, it's time to meet our friend, Mr, Electron, Oh! - You're not Mr, Electron, - You're right, - I'm Mr, Electroshock! - [yelling.]
Ooh, a conchilian transmutonic atom splitter, Just like the one I had when I was a kid, [electric fizzling.]
With this I can trap Darkwing Dork in a fearsome feedback loop! He'll be sucking static from here to eternity! [laughs.]
Sorry to preempt your pathetic little program, Um,,, is it supposed to do that? - No! - I didn't think so, [rattling.]
[grunting.]
[coughs.]
Now what TV show are we in? - TV show? - [footsteps approaching.]
Yah! Yipe! Monsters! - Yah! - [all clamoring.]
I'm in a land of hideous, beakless mutants! Yah! [people shouting.]
[woman.]
Oh, I hate these weekend sales.
[gasps.]
I guess I showed them a thing or two.
[boy.]
Wow, check it out! Is that the biggest duck you've ever seen or what? Do you think it's real? Well, of course I'm real.
- Hey, it's Darkwing Duck! - Whoa! - You You know me? - Everyone knows you.
- The terror that flaps.
- Let's get dangerous! Suck gas, evildoers.
Darkwing Duck is everybody's favorite superhero! - Yeah.
Can I have your autograph? - Oh, can we, please? - [all clamoring.]
- Autographs? Well, sure.
Of course.
Say, what's the deal with Launchpad? Does he ever change clothes, or do all his clothes just look the same? - Well, I never - Say, where's Gosalyn? - Gosalyn? Oh, well, she's - Hey, um, Darkwing, when you're Drake Mallard, what kind of job do you have? - Yeah, how do you pay your bills? - Hey! - How do you know my secret identity? - That's easy.
We watch.
Oh, boy, it's starting.
Come on! [grunts.]
Will someone please tell me what is going? [music on TV.]
# Daring duck of mystery Champion of right Hey! That's me! # Darkwing owns the night # Somewhere some villain schemes But his number's up # Darkwing Duck I'm on television! I'm I'm - # Darkwing Duck - I'm a cartoon? Oh, well.
That's not so bad.
- # Darkwing Duck - Hm? # Cloud of smoke and he appears Master of surprise # Who's that cunning mind behind that shadowy disguise? Except they draw my beak all wrong.
No duck has a bill that big.
[announcer.]
Darkwing Duck will be back,,, - [all groan.]
- ,,,messages, - # Darkwing Duck # - Hey, I know! Let's hit the toy store! - Yeah! - Come on! Great idea! - The plot thickens.
- [children shouting.]
Fear not, citizen! Darkwing Duck will save you.
I'm a toy? I'm a T-shirt? I'm a board game? Finally, I get the respect I so aptly deserve.
Ha! In St.
Canard, they think I'm just a nut in a mask and cape.
But here, here I'm media.
I'm merchandising.
I'm fashion! And I'm I'm I'm not getting a penny of this.
Someone is making a fortune off me! Say, pally, who makes these Darkwing Duck cartoons? Gee, Darkwing, everyone knows that Thaddeus Rockwell makes them.
Well, methinks it's time to pay a visit to Mr.
Rock - [girl.]
The show's back on! - [all shouting.]
Well, you really can't blame them.
Oh [Darkwing.]
After all, it is my show they're rushing to see.
[mumbling.]
Look at all these people making money off me.
And they can't even draw my beak right.
That beak's big enough to land fighter planes on.
I'm here to see Rockwell.
[sighs.]
You need an appointment.
I don't need an appointment.
I'm Darkwing Duck! Oof! I should have expected this from a cartoon studio.
Have a nice trip.
And do write, won't you? [man.]
OK, Crosby.
Here's the story.
Darkwing goes to an island inhabited by gorillas, and And what, Mr.
Rockwell, sir? And, you're the writer.
You think of something.
I've got more important things to do.
Like work on my putting.
Crosby? Places.
Yes, sir.
Mr.
Rockwell, sir.
I love this business.
[Darkwing clapping.]
Nice shot.
What are you? I am the terror that flaps in the night.
I am the auditor who wants to look at your books.
I am Darkwing Duck! And I want my share of the profits.
Now wait a minute.
Any profit belongs to me.
- I created you.
- Oh? That's certainly gonna surprise the heck out of Mom and Dad.
Well, I guess I'll just take my life story to another cartoon studio.
¡Mi amigo! ¡Compadre! Snookie-poo! Partner! [straining.]
Yuck.
So how did you create me? Well, it all started a long time ago.
I was a struggling writer, But after a few minor setbacks,,, ,,,I sent away for this alpha wave feedback kit, guaranteed to make you more creative, At least that's what it said on the cereal box top, - But something went wrong, - Yow! [Darkwing.]
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the winged scourge,,, [Rockwell.]
And the rest is cartoon history.
Mr.
Rockwell must have tuned in to your world like a radio.
[Darkwing.]
All you did was dictate my adventures and take the credit.
Well, then.
If you'll just pay me for my life story and tell me how to get back home, I'll be on my way.
Sorry, pal.
I don't know how you got here, and I don't know how you get back.
What's that supposed to mean? Um, I think Mr.
Rockwell means you're stuck here.
- Forever.
- Oh.
Oh, I see, forever.
Oh, well, that's not such a long time [yells.]
Forever?! [grunts.]
Hey, don't look so glum, chum.
This is the start of something big.
Is that "through the roof" big or just "big" big? I can see it now.
A Darkwing Duck multi-city tour.
Record albums.
Talk show appearances.
The Darkwing Duck show will be number one forever! So buck up, Dark.
The human world's not so bad.
We'll get you a house in the country with a nice pond - you can splash around in.
- Ooh, a duck pond.
Nice touch.
- Why don't I just live in the park? - Well, that would cut down on overhead.
What about me, mister? Without supervillains to defeat, or a city to protect, I'm I'm I'm normal.
[secretary.]
Excuse me, Mr.
Rockwell.
The police wondered if you were staging another one of your publicity stunts.
[on TV.]
And so the city remains under siege by someone dressed as the villainous Megavolt from that extremely popular cartoon series, Darkwing Duck.
Police are helpless against this terrifying menace, Alas, there seems to be no one to save our city from destruction, Oh, yes, there is.
Gentlemen, let's get dangerous.
- Eat sparks, you weird-nosed freaks! - [Darkwing.]
Put a damper on it.
I'm here to pull your plug, you power-pilfering parasite.
Darkwing Duck! Oh, thank Edison it's you.
- This is a trick, right? - Just get me out of here! I promise I'll never zap again.
Take me home! Please, please, please.
[grunts.]
Get a hold of yourself.
You don't want to ruin your reputation as a villain, do you? Or mine as a crimefighter.
Say, did you know I have my own TV show here? - You're in it too.
- I know.
They draw my nose wrong.
There must be a way to get home from here.
Isn't there a yellow brick road or something to follow? [sobs.]
It's no use.
[sobs.]
I tried using this antenna to return to St.
Canard [blows nose.]
but I have no way of finding the right frequency.
[sighs.]
It looks like we'll never get back to St.
Canard.
[Rockwell.]
Au contraire, mon frere, You want St.
Canard, I'll give you St.
Canard.
Seven days a week with matinees on weekends.
"Ah! St.
Canard.
Only I can" Yeah.
Ah! St.
Canard.
Only I can I'm never going to get this right.
Who writes for this show, anyway? They're going out of their way to make me look stupid.
D'oh! And what are these wires for? I don't have flying powers.
This is a live show.
We have to give the fans more oomph.
I'd like to give you some more oomph.
I hate this.
Why can't I use my own lightning bolts? I'll light up Broadway all by myself! [coughing.]
Sorry, Megs, fire regulations.
All right, people.
It's showtime! [crowd murmuring.]
Ah, St.
Canard.
- And only I can - [crowd cheering.]
Oh.
Ahem.
Ah, St.
Canard! And only I can protect it from harm.
And only I can bring its total destruction.
- Louder! - And only I can bring its total destruction! [blows raspberry.]
Ouch! [shouting.]
[crowd laughing.]
Will that be paper or plastic? - [cheering.]
- Do you hear that, Crosby? They love it! This is better than the stupid series.
It uses the same story every night.
I don't have to wear that silly helmet.
[Darkwing.]
The helmet.
Of course! Since this helmet is tuned to our dimension, we can use its frequency to get us back to St.
Canard! [Rockwell.]
Hey, careful! If you destroy the helmet, I won't be able to make any new episodes.
- You could try being original.
- Original? You mean actually think up ideas? What are you, a lunatic? - There, that should do it.
- Ooh, I can't wait to get back to robbing banks and terrorizing the populace.
Ooh, and I can't wait to get back to stopping you as always.
Stop me? Oh, that's so like you.
'Course, you can't stop me - if you're not there! - Whoa! This is what's known as a "double-cross.
" [laughs.]
You can't leave yet, Sparky.
You didn't say goodbye.
[stuttering.]
My helmet! My precious helmet! It's ruined! I'm ruined! [sobbing.]
Ruined! [Australian accent.]
All right, We'll finish this case in two shakes of a dingo's tail, [high-pitched.]
You said it, Rescue Rangers away! Rescue Rangers? Now there's a cartoon show.
Mmm.
Boy, howdy.
Sitting this close to the TV really makes you feel like part of the action.
All right, Megavolt, it's time to cancel your channel-changing crime spree.
Not while I still have my Electrolyzer! - [cackles.]
- Gotcha! Wait.
This isn't mine.
Help me.
Help me.
Now, off to police headquarters.
And then, I gotta get to a toy company.
# Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck
Oh, Goosey, I'm home! [announcer.]
We'll be back after these brief,,, Feeling tired, headache-y? Then try,,, [woman screams.]
- [news announcer.]
This just in, - [woman.]
Today's contestants won,,, Ha ha! I've done it! I've done it! Oh, yes, yes, yes! They called me crazy! They called me insane! They called me loony! And, boy, were they right.
But now, my fellow luminaries, I present you with the Electrolyzer! - [applause.]
- Thank you, thank you.
Oh, lighten up.
'Course I'll show you how it works.
[electric fizzling.]
Oh And now, in a feat never before attempted by a mad genius I become a real live wire! Hey! Whoa! Whoa! I'm being swept away by the current! Whoa! Whoo! That was kinda fun.
Oh, boy, it's dark.
Can't see where I'm going.
Ah! Hey, hey! I better get out of here! Now where am I? A TV set? I've always wanted to break into television, Wait a minute, By adjusting my frequency, I can travel through the airwaves, Ladies and gentlemen,,, ,,,here's Megavolt! Thank you, thank you, No applause, just send money, Better yet, I'll just help myself, [laughs.]
[on TV.]
And now, Chiller Diller Theater presents the terrifying movie, - It Came From the Television Set! - Ah! Hello, there! I'd like to place an order to go.
I'll take some fives, a couple of tens and a large order of twenties.
Uh Thank you and come again.
And what you'll like best about our all new super-screen TV is the way the picture practically jumps out at you.
- Well, you sold me! - [yells.]
[laughs.]
It's a crime what they put on TV these days.
[straining.]
Here, Drakerooni.
Let me get the door for you.
Thank, Herb.
I Hey! You're supposed to be holding the other side.
Oh! Just what's in this box, anyway? [laughs.]
Wait till you see it.
It's the all-new, state of the art Turbo Technic - Remote control? - Not just any remote control.
A Turbo Technic remote control.
Ah! I'll never need to get up from the couch again with this sucker.
It'll operate my stereo [loud music blares.]
pop my popcorn up something fierce [yelps.]
and it'll even clean up after me.
Yow! Hey, get back! Down, boy! - Ouch! - Pretty nifty, eh, Drakester? [grunting.]
[sighs.]
Yeah.
Nifty.
Yep! It takes all the work out of watching TV.
Right, that's just wonderful.
Well, I Sorry I can't stay, but Hey! That's Megavolt! Yes, Alex, I'll take electrical connections for 500, How'd he get on TV? I can't even get a guest shot on talk radio.
Let's see what else is on.
Supervillains and the women who love them, That's the focus on today's Opal Windbag show, Megavolt again? Today, we'll be making turkey the Megavolt way, Some prefer to bake, I prefer to microwave, Bon appétit! Gimme that! [Drake stammering.]
I don't believe this.
[Megavolt.]
Do not change the channel, 'Cause I'm on all of them! Yah! Whoa! A Turbo Technic remote! I'll take it! We'll be right back,,, whenever I feel like it! [whimpers.]
He He stole my Turbo Technic! [sobbing.]
Don't worry.
I'll get that low-wattage worm.
- You? - Well, I meant I'd find someone to get that low-wattage worm.
Yeah.
It shouldn't be too hard to track Megavolt's transmission, especially since he's on every channel.
Come on, folks, Let's keep those phone lines ringing, Remember, it's your pledge money that keeps me on the air, And out of your homes, [laughs.]
[beeping.]
A-ha! The transmission source.
Yah! I think I'd better adjust my reception.
[sighs.]
Much better.
[Darkwing.]
I am the terror that flaps in the night.
I am the low rating that cancels your program.
I am Darkwing Duck! Yeah, well, duck this! Ha! This time, I'm prepared for your high-voltage villainy.
A plunger? [laughs.]
What are you gonna do, unclog my sink? No, just remove a hair ball.
Eat wattage, Darkwing! [moaning.]
I think it's time to return to my regularly scheduled program.
Uh-uh.
Don't touch that dial.
[straining.]
[both.]
Whoa! Oh, well.
I may not have my Turbo Technic remote control anymore, but I can still change channels without getting up off the couch.
[on TV.]
And now, back to The Old and the Worthless.
Oh, darling, We must stop meeting like this, What if Rob finds out? He'll tell Jim, - And Jim will tell John and,,, - Enough, already! - A-ha! - Uh-oh! Come back here, you melodramatic mischief maker! And now, it's time to meet our friend, Mr, Electron, Oh! - You're not Mr, Electron, - You're right, - I'm Mr, Electroshock! - [yelling.]
Ooh, a conchilian transmutonic atom splitter, Just like the one I had when I was a kid, [electric fizzling.]
With this I can trap Darkwing Dork in a fearsome feedback loop! He'll be sucking static from here to eternity! [laughs.]
Sorry to preempt your pathetic little program, Um,,, is it supposed to do that? - No! - I didn't think so, [rattling.]
[grunting.]
[coughs.]
Now what TV show are we in? - TV show? - [footsteps approaching.]
Yah! Yipe! Monsters! - Yah! - [all clamoring.]
I'm in a land of hideous, beakless mutants! Yah! [people shouting.]
[woman.]
Oh, I hate these weekend sales.
[gasps.]
I guess I showed them a thing or two.
[boy.]
Wow, check it out! Is that the biggest duck you've ever seen or what? Do you think it's real? Well, of course I'm real.
- Hey, it's Darkwing Duck! - Whoa! - You You know me? - Everyone knows you.
- The terror that flaps.
- Let's get dangerous! Suck gas, evildoers.
Darkwing Duck is everybody's favorite superhero! - Yeah.
Can I have your autograph? - Oh, can we, please? - [all clamoring.]
- Autographs? Well, sure.
Of course.
Say, what's the deal with Launchpad? Does he ever change clothes, or do all his clothes just look the same? - Well, I never - Say, where's Gosalyn? - Gosalyn? Oh, well, she's - Hey, um, Darkwing, when you're Drake Mallard, what kind of job do you have? - Yeah, how do you pay your bills? - Hey! - How do you know my secret identity? - That's easy.
We watch.
Oh, boy, it's starting.
Come on! [grunts.]
Will someone please tell me what is going? [music on TV.]
# Daring duck of mystery Champion of right Hey! That's me! # Darkwing owns the night # Somewhere some villain schemes But his number's up # Darkwing Duck I'm on television! I'm I'm - # Darkwing Duck - I'm a cartoon? Oh, well.
That's not so bad.
- # Darkwing Duck - Hm? # Cloud of smoke and he appears Master of surprise # Who's that cunning mind behind that shadowy disguise? Except they draw my beak all wrong.
No duck has a bill that big.
[announcer.]
Darkwing Duck will be back,,, - [all groan.]
- ,,,messages, - # Darkwing Duck # - Hey, I know! Let's hit the toy store! - Yeah! - Come on! Great idea! - The plot thickens.
- [children shouting.]
Fear not, citizen! Darkwing Duck will save you.
I'm a toy? I'm a T-shirt? I'm a board game? Finally, I get the respect I so aptly deserve.
Ha! In St.
Canard, they think I'm just a nut in a mask and cape.
But here, here I'm media.
I'm merchandising.
I'm fashion! And I'm I'm I'm not getting a penny of this.
Someone is making a fortune off me! Say, pally, who makes these Darkwing Duck cartoons? Gee, Darkwing, everyone knows that Thaddeus Rockwell makes them.
Well, methinks it's time to pay a visit to Mr.
Rock - [girl.]
The show's back on! - [all shouting.]
Well, you really can't blame them.
Oh [Darkwing.]
After all, it is my show they're rushing to see.
[mumbling.]
Look at all these people making money off me.
And they can't even draw my beak right.
That beak's big enough to land fighter planes on.
I'm here to see Rockwell.
[sighs.]
You need an appointment.
I don't need an appointment.
I'm Darkwing Duck! Oof! I should have expected this from a cartoon studio.
Have a nice trip.
And do write, won't you? [man.]
OK, Crosby.
Here's the story.
Darkwing goes to an island inhabited by gorillas, and And what, Mr.
Rockwell, sir? And, you're the writer.
You think of something.
I've got more important things to do.
Like work on my putting.
Crosby? Places.
Yes, sir.
Mr.
Rockwell, sir.
I love this business.
[Darkwing clapping.]
Nice shot.
What are you? I am the terror that flaps in the night.
I am the auditor who wants to look at your books.
I am Darkwing Duck! And I want my share of the profits.
Now wait a minute.
Any profit belongs to me.
- I created you.
- Oh? That's certainly gonna surprise the heck out of Mom and Dad.
Well, I guess I'll just take my life story to another cartoon studio.
¡Mi amigo! ¡Compadre! Snookie-poo! Partner! [straining.]
Yuck.
So how did you create me? Well, it all started a long time ago.
I was a struggling writer, But after a few minor setbacks,,, ,,,I sent away for this alpha wave feedback kit, guaranteed to make you more creative, At least that's what it said on the cereal box top, - But something went wrong, - Yow! [Darkwing.]
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the winged scourge,,, [Rockwell.]
And the rest is cartoon history.
Mr.
Rockwell must have tuned in to your world like a radio.
[Darkwing.]
All you did was dictate my adventures and take the credit.
Well, then.
If you'll just pay me for my life story and tell me how to get back home, I'll be on my way.
Sorry, pal.
I don't know how you got here, and I don't know how you get back.
What's that supposed to mean? Um, I think Mr.
Rockwell means you're stuck here.
- Forever.
- Oh.
Oh, I see, forever.
Oh, well, that's not such a long time [yells.]
Forever?! [grunts.]
Hey, don't look so glum, chum.
This is the start of something big.
Is that "through the roof" big or just "big" big? I can see it now.
A Darkwing Duck multi-city tour.
Record albums.
Talk show appearances.
The Darkwing Duck show will be number one forever! So buck up, Dark.
The human world's not so bad.
We'll get you a house in the country with a nice pond - you can splash around in.
- Ooh, a duck pond.
Nice touch.
- Why don't I just live in the park? - Well, that would cut down on overhead.
What about me, mister? Without supervillains to defeat, or a city to protect, I'm I'm I'm normal.
[secretary.]
Excuse me, Mr.
Rockwell.
The police wondered if you were staging another one of your publicity stunts.
[on TV.]
And so the city remains under siege by someone dressed as the villainous Megavolt from that extremely popular cartoon series, Darkwing Duck.
Police are helpless against this terrifying menace, Alas, there seems to be no one to save our city from destruction, Oh, yes, there is.
Gentlemen, let's get dangerous.
- Eat sparks, you weird-nosed freaks! - [Darkwing.]
Put a damper on it.
I'm here to pull your plug, you power-pilfering parasite.
Darkwing Duck! Oh, thank Edison it's you.
- This is a trick, right? - Just get me out of here! I promise I'll never zap again.
Take me home! Please, please, please.
[grunts.]
Get a hold of yourself.
You don't want to ruin your reputation as a villain, do you? Or mine as a crimefighter.
Say, did you know I have my own TV show here? - You're in it too.
- I know.
They draw my nose wrong.
There must be a way to get home from here.
Isn't there a yellow brick road or something to follow? [sobs.]
It's no use.
[sobs.]
I tried using this antenna to return to St.
Canard [blows nose.]
but I have no way of finding the right frequency.
[sighs.]
It looks like we'll never get back to St.
Canard.
[Rockwell.]
Au contraire, mon frere, You want St.
Canard, I'll give you St.
Canard.
Seven days a week with matinees on weekends.
"Ah! St.
Canard.
Only I can" Yeah.
Ah! St.
Canard.
Only I can I'm never going to get this right.
Who writes for this show, anyway? They're going out of their way to make me look stupid.
D'oh! And what are these wires for? I don't have flying powers.
This is a live show.
We have to give the fans more oomph.
I'd like to give you some more oomph.
I hate this.
Why can't I use my own lightning bolts? I'll light up Broadway all by myself! [coughing.]
Sorry, Megs, fire regulations.
All right, people.
It's showtime! [crowd murmuring.]
Ah, St.
Canard.
- And only I can - [crowd cheering.]
Oh.
Ahem.
Ah, St.
Canard! And only I can protect it from harm.
And only I can bring its total destruction.
- Louder! - And only I can bring its total destruction! [blows raspberry.]
Ouch! [shouting.]
[crowd laughing.]
Will that be paper or plastic? - [cheering.]
- Do you hear that, Crosby? They love it! This is better than the stupid series.
It uses the same story every night.
I don't have to wear that silly helmet.
[Darkwing.]
The helmet.
Of course! Since this helmet is tuned to our dimension, we can use its frequency to get us back to St.
Canard! [Rockwell.]
Hey, careful! If you destroy the helmet, I won't be able to make any new episodes.
- You could try being original.
- Original? You mean actually think up ideas? What are you, a lunatic? - There, that should do it.
- Ooh, I can't wait to get back to robbing banks and terrorizing the populace.
Ooh, and I can't wait to get back to stopping you as always.
Stop me? Oh, that's so like you.
'Course, you can't stop me - if you're not there! - Whoa! This is what's known as a "double-cross.
" [laughs.]
You can't leave yet, Sparky.
You didn't say goodbye.
[stuttering.]
My helmet! My precious helmet! It's ruined! I'm ruined! [sobbing.]
Ruined! [Australian accent.]
All right, We'll finish this case in two shakes of a dingo's tail, [high-pitched.]
You said it, Rescue Rangers away! Rescue Rangers? Now there's a cartoon show.
Mmm.
Boy, howdy.
Sitting this close to the TV really makes you feel like part of the action.
All right, Megavolt, it's time to cancel your channel-changing crime spree.
Not while I still have my Electrolyzer! - [cackles.]
- Gotcha! Wait.
This isn't mine.
Help me.
Help me.
Now, off to police headquarters.
And then, I gotta get to a toy company.
# Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck