Darkwing Duck (1991) s01e49 Episode Script

Let's Get Respectable

# Daring duck of mystery Champion of right # Swoops out of the shadows Darkwing owns the night # Somewhere some villain schemes But his number's up # Darkwing Duck When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing, Darkwing Duck # Cloud of smoke and he appears # Master of surprise # Who's that cunning mind behind that shadowy disguise? # Nobody knows for sure But bad guys are out of luck # 'Cause here comes - # Darkwing Duck - # Look out! # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Better watch out, you bad boys # Darkwing Duck # [man on TV.]
On St.
Canard Tonight I'll be comparing those men of mystery who uphold justice with feats of daring, Ooh, I know I'm excited, Topping the list is of course,,, Gizmo Duck! Yes, Gizmo Duck! Oh, please.
What can we say about that wonderful, heroic, fantabulous, awe-inspiring, one-of-a-kind Gizmo Duck, I'm gonna be sick.
Shh.
Dad.
Look! It's you! So, saving the best for last, eh? And waaay at the bottom of our list is, um,,, uh,,, ,,,Dark,,, worm Duck, It's Darkwing! Darkwing! That Darkworm Duck ran over my foot, Some crimefighter he is, Somebody oughta arrest him, Hmm! Hey [sputtering.]
she was jaywalking.
I was after felons.
He scares me, He gives us nightmares, Ha! It's the horror section at the video store that's keeping those two awake.
He knocked the building I was working on right out from under me, Hey! Oh, sure, don't mention that the building was a hideout for two despicable desperadoes.
Oh, Gizmo Duck.
[scoffs.]
What a joke.
It makes me laugh.
Ha-ha.
Once, just once, I'd like a little understanding from the citizens for whom I nocturnally risk my neck.
All I want is a little respect.
I'm just misunderstood.
But you're supposed to be mysterious.
You're the terror that flaps.
I know, LP, but no one's sure just why I flap.
Half the police force thinks I'm a crook.
The other half hates my hat.
Dad, what you've got is an image problem.
Good thing I'm your daughter.
This is gonna take a complete image makeover.
But I like my mysterious image.
Hey, Dad, I like it too but you need an image that the people want.
No, no, what I need is an image that the people want.
Now, why didn't I think of that? Duh.
Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get creative.
OK, Dad, take it from the top.
I am the terror that flaps in the night I am the pit bull that bites the ankle of crime [in spooky voice.]
I am Darkwing Duck.
Well, pretty darned effective, I'd say, huh? Uh, sorry, Dad, but you have zero profile as the current Darkwing Duck.
You've got no spin.
What? I'm a spinnin' fool.
Just watch me.
Ah-ha! [gasps.]
Nope, nope, it doesn't play.
The smoke's gotta go and the cape is just not happening.
No blue smoke? No capey? Um, smoke doesn't skew well with the 18 to 49-year-olds.
Ecology concerns, you understand? And capes are old hat with the over-65 crowd.
Oh, I knew that.
Speaking of old hats, you've gotta lose this thing.
Not my hat! We've got a lot of work to do on you.
Come on, guys, there's no time to waste.
OK, Dad, let's check out the wardrobe.
Uh-huh.
Very nice.
Major high profile suit.
Isn't it kinda frilly? Uh, Gos wanted ruffles.
Demographics show ruffles are big with the elderly lady set.
Granny will be thrilled.
Now, instead of your smoke bomb, try these.
Flower petals? regard flower petals as 100 percent non-threatening.
Now, make your entrance one more time.
We'll prompt ya.
Huh? Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, help.
There are bad guys all around me.
[grunts.]
No! No! No! Too brash.
Be empathetic.
- Appealing.
- [clears throat.]
- I am the terror - Good.
- I am the good that flaps - Flutters.
I am the good that flutters? Yeah, "I am the good that flutters in the night.
" No! Ooh! Day! I am the good that flutters in the day? It plays! It skews! It'll play in Peoria, maybe even St.
Canard! Oh, oh, really? You think so, uh? Well then, let's get Uh, "respectable.
" Right, respectable.
Do you really think the Swan of Peace is a better name than Rat-catcher? Think about your image, Dad.
The people want a helpful hero.
Well then, let's put it on the ground and see who digs it.
[Gosalyn.]
Yahoo! That's the old marketing spirit, Dad! Now, Dad, it's time to take the new Darkwing Duck to his public.
Let's see.
There.
[cars honking.]
I have to help an old lady across the street? You've gotta be kidding.
Dad, clichés are clichés for a reason.
You've gotta be helpful.
Oh, well, if I have to.
[clears throat.]
Excuse me, ma'am.
May I be helpful? Stop! Halt! Brake! - [horns honking.]
- [people shouting.]
Why, thank you, young man.
That was very helpful.
My pleasure, dear sweet lady.
[tires screeching.]
[coughing.]
[children chattering.]
We'll dispel the nightmare image here, Dad.
Just be trustworthy.
[clears throat.]
Darkwing Duck here, kids.
Oh, no! He gives us nightmares! No, wait, I'm here to be your pal.
Let me join the fun, hmm? How about playing some dodge ball? Hey, I am game.
[chuckling.]
We'll have to invite this guy back again.
[muffled.]
Yeah, why not? I just love getting down with the kids.
[Launchpad.]
Darkwing! That crane's gonna topple! Hey hey, what's the big idea? Stand aside, sir.
Darkwing Duck is the people's protector.
I'd say he's more the prince of pain.
[birds chirping.]
St.
Canard citizens, in Darkwing Duck you have a helpful, trustworthy people's protector.
Darkwing's new image doesn't seem to be working.
- If only - [woman screams.]
Look! Fork over the purse, lady! Go get him, Dad! This is a major photo opportunity! I am the terror No, no, Dad! That's the old you! Whoops.
Sorry.
- Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! - Mine! Mine! Mine! Well, this is strange.
Yeah, I do not remember flower petals in today's forecast.
Oh, do stop, won't you.
Where's your sense of justice? [chuckling.]
I left it in my other pants.
Hey, nice bag.
- Give me that! No! No! - Gimme! Gimme! - Gimme! - Ouch! Why, you! Darkwing, don't forget the non-violent contingent survey.
Huh? Oh, yeah.
[tsking.]
Poor misguided soul.
I'm going to tell your mother about this.
[gasps.]
My mother? You wouldn't.
Oh, wouldn't I? Oh, please, please don't! Here's your bag of petals, Mr.
Darkwing, sir, you helpful, trustworthy people protector you! Well, OK, if you promise to change your ways we'll keep this little infraction of justice between us.
Oh, I promise! I kiss your feet.
Thank you thank you.
My, he is helpful after all.
You know, he's not so scary.
Hey, what's a lousy building compared to a protector of the people, huh? [cheering.]
[Darkwing.]
Say, Gos, how about, "I am the gold at the end of the rainbow"? Brilliant.
That's the spirit.
Keep honing it.
[chuckling.]
What's on my schedule for tomorrow? [clears throat.]
Breakfast at 7:00 I just don't get it, DW.
What? The gold at the end of the rainbow? Well, no, I don't get that either.
But when are you gonna have time for stomping the bad guys? Once the St.
Canard criminal element buys into the new Darkwing Duck crimes will stop multiplying.
Divide and conquer, it all adds up! Boy, I sure wish I did better in math class.
[growling.]
I've always hated everything that guy stands for.
But now that goody two-shoes has really done it.
He's done a great job setting himself up and it's up to me to knock him down or my name isn't Negaduck! - How's that doughnut? - Good afternoon.
Darkwing Duck here to offer you and your whole department a well-deserved two week vacation starting now.
Gosh, I don't know.
Protecting the whole city is a pretty big job.
But aren't I the helpful, trustworthy protector of the people, hmm? [cheering.]
Hey, you're right.
Let's go.
And that's a wonderful hat.
You're so helpful and trustworthy, Darkwing Duck.
Thanks.
Catch a big 'un for me.
Toodles.
Um, excuse me, sir.
It's a late public opinion bulletin.
Your public support is unprecedented in the annals of St.
Canard history.
Even, dare I say it? Dare.
Dare.
You're webbed feet and bill above Gizmo Duck! Yes! I am the truth! Oh, how they do love me! [smooching.]
I love you all, mean it.
[cheering.]
[man.]
Darkwing! We love you, Darkwing! Yes! Yes! Enjoy yourselves.
Revel in me! I'm here! [man.]
Darkwing! We love you! Thank you, thank you, St.
Canard citizens.
It is my honor to present Darkwing Duck with the key to the city of St.
Canard and to bestow upon him the honorary title of mayor for a day.
[man.]
Darkwing! We love you, Darkwing! Darkwing! We love you, Darkwing! Thank you, thank you.
I'd just like to say that with Darkwing Duck in charge it'll be the city's finest 24 hours.
Cleaning the city, eh? [chuckling.]
Just what I've been waiting for.
He's so helpful.
And trustworthy.
Uh, he's the peoples' protector.
You morons! The cops are out of town.
Wake up and smell the coffee.
Darkwing Duck is nothing we can't handle.
Hey, yeah.
Once a doofus, always a doofus.
[chuckling.]
Yeah, what he said.
[alarm ringing.]
[blows whistle.]
Boy, oh boy, this is fun! And profitable.
Haroophial! They're getting away, DW! From me? Ha! Close-up.
Quick, DW! There they go! Gosalyn, Gosalyn, my bag of petals.
I am the truth, I am the supernova at the center of the universe [honking.]
I am Darkwing speed bump [chuckling.]
Stop, in the name of Darkwing Duck! [chuckling.]
Don't make us laugh.
[chuckling.]
Yeah, don't make us laugh.
A little lower, Launchpad.
Hey! Goin' our way? Stop! I am the peoples' protector.
I'm Darkwing auto deposit, [beeps.]
[men groaning.]
As you members of the press can see, all the negative aspects of society are locked away just as I promised.
Any questions? Didn't you have help? Ah, yes, a few concerned citizens lent a hand.
Uh, Darkwing, have you stopped digging potholes in the streets after dark? What? No, I didn't I mean I've been looking for the guy who's doing that.
Have you stopped skulking over rooftops at night in order to frighten the children of St.
Canard? Yes! I No, I haven't What?! I'll never sleep again! Oh, Darkwing, why haven't you stopped ringing peoples' doorbells and running? So he's the one! I should've known.
Shoo! Is it hot in here or is it just moi? [shouting.]
Look, babies love me.
Waah! Waah! Waah! Now, wait, this is a bad dream! Mama! Ma! Waah! Waah! And that concludes today's news conference.
I have pressing business.
[shouting.]
[snickering.]
That's right.
He's about to be pressed out of civil service.
All right, guys, clean out the city and bring everything to me.
[gasping.]
Help! That sucker's got our lollipops! Hey! [chuckling.]
[shouting.]
Dad? - Mr.
Darkwing? - Ollie ollie oxen free! Make way! I'm the supernova at the center of the universe! He's the one who let the criminals go in order to plunder St.
Canard.
That's preposterous.
And you look familiar.
Negaduck! Look, see for yourselves.
He's got the key to the jail cells.
Does anyone out there need an out-of-work supernova? There's DW! Help! Help! Let's go help him! Hey! Is this any way to treat the peoples' protector? [punching.]
[crash.]
Darkwing duck! What have you done to my fair city? Uh I I I have some business to attend to, mayor.
And even though my time as honorary mayor isn't quite up, I hand the city back to you, not thanks necessary.
Gotta go.
I'm calling back the police! Your days are numbered, Darkwing Duck! There goes all our hard work.
Come on, Dad, you can't hide forever.
[Darkwing.]
How could I be so caught up in my own image? So stupid as to let Negaduck trick me.
Aw, you were just being yourself, DW.
Any idiot would've done the same thing.
[Darkwing.]
Thanks, LP.
I have the latest public opinion poll.
Any hope of salvaging what's left of a brilliant campaign? Afraid not.
Darkwing Duck is public enemy number one.
[Darkwing.]
I didn't get in this for glory.
I do it because I can make a difference.
Huh, maybe we need the old Darkwing Duck.
No, maybe we need the old Darkwing Duck.
After all, I am the terror that flaps in the night, you know.
Yeah, once a terror always a terror.
Yes! I am the scrubbing bubble to criminal scum! Yes! I am Darkwing Duck! Ready or not, Negaduck, here I come.
Yes! All right, now, let's get dangerous.
- [thunderclap.]
- [cackling.]
How I love a good, destructive thunderstorm.
[groaning.]
This is the last of it, Negaduck.
Ah, excellent.
Good work! Haul it over there.
Yeah, but the boys are waiting downstairs for their share.
Tell you what.
I'll hold a guilty party.
[cackling.]
All the refreshments are on me.
Say, let's hold it in the jail cells.
Party! [laughing maniacally.]
I want a green hat! Oh, I hope we have candied corn! I love candied corn! Party! Party! Hey! Does this mean there's no party.
Of course not.
It just means you're not invited.
Mine! Mine! All mine! [cackling.]
[crash.]
[Darkwing.]
I am the terror that flaps in the night! Oh, I knew it couldn't last forever.
I am the muddy shoes that track the linoleum of crime! - No! - Yes! I am Darkwing Duck! [sputtering.]
But I ruined you! You ruined my nice guy image - and I've come to thank you.
- Thank me? Yes, you made me realize that I couldn't mind the city while I took care of my new image.
Well, do drop in again! Don't count your loot before it's snatched, Negaduck! Now, where do you suppose he went, hmm? Right here, with the wealth of St.
Canard.
And it's gonna take more than you to take it from me.
You seem to forget how mighty I am.
Whoa! [groaning.]
My, how the mighty are fallen.
[growling.]
It's party time! [commotion.]
Holy smoke! Darkwing Duck left all St.
Canard's loot here.
And a note.
Seems Negaduck was behind all this.
Darkwing Duck locked him up downstairs.
And it says, "The old Darkwing's back.
" Oh, you know what that means? Yeah, he'll be wearing that stupid hat.
And this year's Mysterious Hero Award goes to envelope please Darkwing Duck.
Hey, this looks like Gizmo Duck.
[Launchpad.]
Uh, oh, well, the trophy shop did kind of a rush job.
[nervous laugh.]
Welcome back, Darkwing.
# Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck #
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