Dating Rules From My Future Self (2012) s01e03 Episode Script
Chapter Three: Change Yr World
YOU KNOW HOW THE PIGEON POOP IS SUPPOSED TO SLIDE DOWN THE WALL? UH-HUH.
IT'S DEFYING GRAVITY.
DO YOU EVER WONDER IF -- THESE BUGS THAT I HAVE TO FIX -- IF THEY'RE THE GAME'S WAY OF EVOLVING, OF MUTATING AND BY ME FIXING THEM, I'M STOMPING OUT ITS POTENTIAL TO BECOME AN AUTONOMOUS ROBOT OVERLORD? NO, WHY WOULD YOU? THAT'S MY CRAZY -- OKAY.
WELL, WHY ARE YOU SO QUIET? I WAS JUST THINKING, YOU REMEMBER THAT APP THAT I PITCHED THE OTHER DAY IN THE MEETING -- THE, UH, THE CUSTOMIZED MAGIC 8-BALL? OH, YEAH.
THAT HAD POTENTIAL.
YOU THINK SO? BECAUSE OKAY, 'CAUSE I WAS WONDERING, WHAT IF INSTEAD OF CREATING AN APP THAT'LL LET YOU SEND TEX MESSAGES TO YOUR FUTURE SELF, I MEAN, WHA IF YOU CREATED AN APP THAT LET YOU GIVE ADVICE TO YOUR PAST SELF? OKAY, YEAH.
YOU KNOW, KIND OF LIKE TEXT ME LATER.
OR TEXT ME EARLIER.
- EXACTLY.
- THAT'D BE GREAT.
I COULD TEXT MYSELF IN HIGH SCHOOL AND SAY, "DON'T WEAR SO MUCH HAIR GEL.
"PEOPLE AREN' CALLING YOU SPUNK BECAUSE THEY THINK YOU HAVE A LOT OF CHARISMA.
" RIGHT.
- YEAH, DO IT.
- THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
BUT, I MEAN, IT'S NO POSSIBLEIS IT? STEVE JOBS SAID, "IT'S THE PEOPLE WHO ARE CRAZY ENOUGH TO THINK THEY CAN CHANGE THE WORLD WHO ACTUALLY DO.
" DO YOU THINK I'M CRAZY? Y-YOU REALLY DIDN'T GE THE MESSAGE HERE.
I'M SAYING THAT I THINK YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO BE.
INCLUDING CRAZY.
UH-HUH.
I JUST HAD NO IDEA WEDDINGS COULD BE SO DIFFERENT.
PRIZE PIG, DEEP-FRIED WEDDING CAKE.
RIGHT.
WHAT IS THIS -- "DAY OF THE DEAD" WEDDING? YOU WERE KIDDING ABOUT THAT, RIGHT? I MEAN, THAT SEEMS SO MORBID.
HELLO KITTY -- THAT WAS A JOKE, RIGHT? - IT'S IRONIC.
COME ON.
YEAH, IRONIC.
LISTEN, I'M HAPPY THA YOU'RE ALL EXCITED ABOUT THIS, AND SOME OF YOUR IDEAS ARE GREAT.
WHICH ONES? WELL, I JUST THINK I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST THINK WE'RE MORE OF A FOUR SEASONS TYPE.
DON'T YOU THINK? ON THE BEACH.
DOESN'T THAT SOUND NICE? NOT BAREFOOT, THOUGH.
I DON'T WANT TO GET SAND IN MY TOES AND BE DISTRACTED BY THA ON MY WEDDING DAY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? LUCY, FOUR SEASONS, RIGHT? HMM? SO WHERE DO YOU SEE US IN 10 YEARS? STILL PLANNING THIS WEDDING IF YOU DON'T FOCUS.
YEAH, I'M SERIOUS.
WELL, WE'LL HAVE A HOUSE AND A KID OR THREE, IF YOU'RE UP FOR IT.
I'LL BE THE C.
E.
O.
OF MY OWN DEBT FIRM.
RIGHT, AND WHAT ABOUT ME? OH, YOU'LL BE THERE, AND YOU'LL STILL BE PRETTY -- PRETTIER 'CAUSE YOU'LL BE MORE MATURE.
YOU MEAN OLD.
NO, I DON'T -- I DON'T MEAN OLD.
I MEAN REFINED.
YOU KNOW, LIKE, YOU'LL TAKE THAT BASKET OFF YOUR BIKE OR JUST PUT YOUR BIKE AWAY ALTOGETHER, YOU KNOW, AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO PU YOUR HANDS IN YOUR POCKETS WHEN YOU TALK.
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU JUST WON'T BE SO, UM SO WHAT? YOU KNOW, NOT SO I CAN'T THINK -- CHILDISH.
YOU KNOW? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? NOTHING.
I JUST MEAN, WHEN YOU GET OLDER, YOU'RE GONNA LOOK BACK AT HOW YOU ARE NOW, AND YOU'RE GONNA REALIZE YOU'RE JUST NO FULLY GROWN UP YET.
WELL, THEN WHY DO YOU WANT TO MARRY ME? 'CAUSE I LOVE YOU.
AND I'M A PROJECT MANAGER, AND I LIKE A PROJECT.
LUCY, I'M -- WHAT? I'M -- I'M KIDDING.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
I MEAN, I THOUGHT I LOVED YOU, BUT THE WAY THAT YOU MAKE ME FEEL ABOUT MYSELF AND MY IDEAS, IT'S JUST IT'S TOTALLY CRAPPY.
THE WEDDING IS OFF.
WE'RE OFF.
LUCY.
HEY.
LUCY! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE ONLY WINNING MOVE IS NOT TO PLAY.
HOW ABOUT A NICE GAME OF CHESS? - HEY, LUCE.
- YOU REMEMBER JAGGER.
NO.
OH, YOU GUYS ARE WATCHING "WarGames"? YEAH, THAT'S BRENDAN'S FAVORITE MOVIE.
IT'S JAGGER'S FAVORITE MOVIE.
I LOVE IT 'CAUSE WAR ISN'T A GAME, BUT IN THIS MOVIE, IT IS.
HE TOOK HIS SHIRT OFF SO HIS BRAIN COULD BREATHE.
UH-OH.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR FACE? NOTHING.
I ALWAYS CRY IN THIS PART OF THE MOVIE.
HE'S SUCH A LONELY COMPUTER.
- YOU KNOW WHAT, SWEETIE? - I THINK IT'S TIME TO GO.
COME ON.
AWW, REALLY? YEAH.
YOU MIGHT NEED YOUR CLOTHES.
I'LL TALK TO YOU SOON.
GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT, BABY.
LUCE, WHAT'S WRONG? I CALLED OFF THE WEDDING.
REALLY? FINALLY.
THANK GOD.
YOU DID THE RIGHT THING.
WAIT, WHAT? YEAH, BRENDAN WAS KIND OF A DOUCHE, LIKE THE DOUCHIES OF DOUCHES.
YEAH, AND HE DIDN' TREAT YOU WITH RESPECT.
AND EVERYTHING THAT CAME OUT OF HIS MOUTH - REEKED OF DOUCHE.
- YEAH.
WHY DIDN'T YOU GUYS TELL ME THIS WHEN I GOT ENGAGED? I MEAN, I ASKED YOU.
AMANDA WOULDN'T LET ME.
BECAUSE IT'S A PAC THAT EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT, AND I JUST WANTED TO BE SUPPORTIVE.
I MEAN, I GUESS I GET IT, BUT, YOU GUYS, I WAS SO CONFUSED.
I REALLY NEEDED YOU, SO NEXT TIME, WILL YOU PLEASE JUST BE UP FRONT WITH ME? WE WILL.
AND IN THE SPIRIT OF BEING HONEST, I REALLY HATE JAGGER.
WHICH IS WHY I LOVE HIM.
TAKE US TO DEFCON 5.
IT'S DEFYING GRAVITY.
DO YOU EVER WONDER IF -- THESE BUGS THAT I HAVE TO FIX -- IF THEY'RE THE GAME'S WAY OF EVOLVING, OF MUTATING AND BY ME FIXING THEM, I'M STOMPING OUT ITS POTENTIAL TO BECOME AN AUTONOMOUS ROBOT OVERLORD? NO, WHY WOULD YOU? THAT'S MY CRAZY -- OKAY.
WELL, WHY ARE YOU SO QUIET? I WAS JUST THINKING, YOU REMEMBER THAT APP THAT I PITCHED THE OTHER DAY IN THE MEETING -- THE, UH, THE CUSTOMIZED MAGIC 8-BALL? OH, YEAH.
THAT HAD POTENTIAL.
YOU THINK SO? BECAUSE OKAY, 'CAUSE I WAS WONDERING, WHAT IF INSTEAD OF CREATING AN APP THAT'LL LET YOU SEND TEX MESSAGES TO YOUR FUTURE SELF, I MEAN, WHA IF YOU CREATED AN APP THAT LET YOU GIVE ADVICE TO YOUR PAST SELF? OKAY, YEAH.
YOU KNOW, KIND OF LIKE TEXT ME LATER.
OR TEXT ME EARLIER.
- EXACTLY.
- THAT'D BE GREAT.
I COULD TEXT MYSELF IN HIGH SCHOOL AND SAY, "DON'T WEAR SO MUCH HAIR GEL.
"PEOPLE AREN' CALLING YOU SPUNK BECAUSE THEY THINK YOU HAVE A LOT OF CHARISMA.
" RIGHT.
- YEAH, DO IT.
- THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
BUT, I MEAN, IT'S NO POSSIBLEIS IT? STEVE JOBS SAID, "IT'S THE PEOPLE WHO ARE CRAZY ENOUGH TO THINK THEY CAN CHANGE THE WORLD WHO ACTUALLY DO.
" DO YOU THINK I'M CRAZY? Y-YOU REALLY DIDN'T GE THE MESSAGE HERE.
I'M SAYING THAT I THINK YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO BE.
INCLUDING CRAZY.
UH-HUH.
I JUST HAD NO IDEA WEDDINGS COULD BE SO DIFFERENT.
PRIZE PIG, DEEP-FRIED WEDDING CAKE.
RIGHT.
WHAT IS THIS -- "DAY OF THE DEAD" WEDDING? YOU WERE KIDDING ABOUT THAT, RIGHT? I MEAN, THAT SEEMS SO MORBID.
HELLO KITTY -- THAT WAS A JOKE, RIGHT? - IT'S IRONIC.
COME ON.
YEAH, IRONIC.
LISTEN, I'M HAPPY THA YOU'RE ALL EXCITED ABOUT THIS, AND SOME OF YOUR IDEAS ARE GREAT.
WHICH ONES? WELL, I JUST THINK I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST THINK WE'RE MORE OF A FOUR SEASONS TYPE.
DON'T YOU THINK? ON THE BEACH.
DOESN'T THAT SOUND NICE? NOT BAREFOOT, THOUGH.
I DON'T WANT TO GET SAND IN MY TOES AND BE DISTRACTED BY THA ON MY WEDDING DAY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? LUCY, FOUR SEASONS, RIGHT? HMM? SO WHERE DO YOU SEE US IN 10 YEARS? STILL PLANNING THIS WEDDING IF YOU DON'T FOCUS.
YEAH, I'M SERIOUS.
WELL, WE'LL HAVE A HOUSE AND A KID OR THREE, IF YOU'RE UP FOR IT.
I'LL BE THE C.
E.
O.
OF MY OWN DEBT FIRM.
RIGHT, AND WHAT ABOUT ME? OH, YOU'LL BE THERE, AND YOU'LL STILL BE PRETTY -- PRETTIER 'CAUSE YOU'LL BE MORE MATURE.
YOU MEAN OLD.
NO, I DON'T -- I DON'T MEAN OLD.
I MEAN REFINED.
YOU KNOW, LIKE, YOU'LL TAKE THAT BASKET OFF YOUR BIKE OR JUST PUT YOUR BIKE AWAY ALTOGETHER, YOU KNOW, AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO PU YOUR HANDS IN YOUR POCKETS WHEN YOU TALK.
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU JUST WON'T BE SO, UM SO WHAT? YOU KNOW, NOT SO I CAN'T THINK -- CHILDISH.
YOU KNOW? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? NOTHING.
I JUST MEAN, WHEN YOU GET OLDER, YOU'RE GONNA LOOK BACK AT HOW YOU ARE NOW, AND YOU'RE GONNA REALIZE YOU'RE JUST NO FULLY GROWN UP YET.
WELL, THEN WHY DO YOU WANT TO MARRY ME? 'CAUSE I LOVE YOU.
AND I'M A PROJECT MANAGER, AND I LIKE A PROJECT.
LUCY, I'M -- WHAT? I'M -- I'M KIDDING.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
I MEAN, I THOUGHT I LOVED YOU, BUT THE WAY THAT YOU MAKE ME FEEL ABOUT MYSELF AND MY IDEAS, IT'S JUST IT'S TOTALLY CRAPPY.
THE WEDDING IS OFF.
WE'RE OFF.
LUCY.
HEY.
LUCY! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE ONLY WINNING MOVE IS NOT TO PLAY.
HOW ABOUT A NICE GAME OF CHESS? - HEY, LUCE.
- YOU REMEMBER JAGGER.
NO.
OH, YOU GUYS ARE WATCHING "WarGames"? YEAH, THAT'S BRENDAN'S FAVORITE MOVIE.
IT'S JAGGER'S FAVORITE MOVIE.
I LOVE IT 'CAUSE WAR ISN'T A GAME, BUT IN THIS MOVIE, IT IS.
HE TOOK HIS SHIRT OFF SO HIS BRAIN COULD BREATHE.
UH-OH.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR FACE? NOTHING.
I ALWAYS CRY IN THIS PART OF THE MOVIE.
HE'S SUCH A LONELY COMPUTER.
- YOU KNOW WHAT, SWEETIE? - I THINK IT'S TIME TO GO.
COME ON.
AWW, REALLY? YEAH.
YOU MIGHT NEED YOUR CLOTHES.
I'LL TALK TO YOU SOON.
GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT, BABY.
LUCE, WHAT'S WRONG? I CALLED OFF THE WEDDING.
REALLY? FINALLY.
THANK GOD.
YOU DID THE RIGHT THING.
WAIT, WHAT? YEAH, BRENDAN WAS KIND OF A DOUCHE, LIKE THE DOUCHIES OF DOUCHES.
YEAH, AND HE DIDN' TREAT YOU WITH RESPECT.
AND EVERYTHING THAT CAME OUT OF HIS MOUTH - REEKED OF DOUCHE.
- YEAH.
WHY DIDN'T YOU GUYS TELL ME THIS WHEN I GOT ENGAGED? I MEAN, I ASKED YOU.
AMANDA WOULDN'T LET ME.
BECAUSE IT'S A PAC THAT EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT, AND I JUST WANTED TO BE SUPPORTIVE.
I MEAN, I GUESS I GET IT, BUT, YOU GUYS, I WAS SO CONFUSED.
I REALLY NEEDED YOU, SO NEXT TIME, WILL YOU PLEASE JUST BE UP FRONT WITH ME? WE WILL.
AND IN THE SPIRIT OF BEING HONEST, I REALLY HATE JAGGER.
WHICH IS WHY I LOVE HIM.
TAKE US TO DEFCON 5.