Dawn of the Croods (2015) Episode Scripts

Thunk O'Clock High; The Croo-gitive

1 Bom-bom, bom-ba-dum Ma-ma-ma-bom-ba-dum Ba-da-dum [music playing] Ah, I love the walk home from school.
The air smells sweeter, life seems full of possibilities.
Uh, Lerk, we're walking to school, remember? [grunts] [screams] The horror, the despair! - [crying] - [creature snarling] Guys, who's that? That's that new liyote in town.
They say he's real bad news.
[snarls, growls] Oh, yeah, Bruiser.
I heard he ate everyone in his last valley, twice.
- [all gasp] - Oh, you guys are being silly.
Even the grumpiest liyote is just a sweet puppy trying to get out and lick my face.
- I'm gonna go talk to him.
- [all] No! Hi, Bruiser, is it? Thunk Crood.
Maybe Fang or Grr's mentioned me.
Once got an egg stuck so far up my nose, it never came out.
Kinda famous around here, you know.
- [all gasp] - [chuckles] - [all screaming] - [chuckles] Well, aren't you a big boy? Hey, want to play? Go get it! [all gasp] - Uh - [snarls] [snarls] Want to lick my face now? [screams] Why did you guys let me do that? Hey, you, um you leave my brother, um [whimpers] alone? [grunting, faint screaming] Ow! [gasps] The volcanic wedgie! I thought it was just a myth.
- [snarling] - [groaning] - [screaming] - Students, time for school! If you're late, you're today's bait.
[snarling] I'm sorry.
I'm having trouble translating your growls.
Oh, he said you're lucky your liyote-eating teacher showed up.
But he's gonna call you after school.
[growls] [chuckles] My apologies.
He said he's going to "maul" you after school.
Sorry.
This one's got an accent.
Glad I got that cleared up.
Hey, hon, what should we have for dinner tonight? Meatball topped with meat sauce or meat sauce bottomed with meatball? You're right.
We should eat healthier.
Both it is! Not now, Grug.
I hear a hollow space behind this wall.
If I knock it down, maybe we'd finally have room for that carcass nook! Please, Ugga, call Handsy.
She's really handy and we barely survived your last home improvement.
The rock rack? That was great.
[screaming] It's supposed to do that.
Besides, why would I have someone else work on my home when I can do it myself? It's supposed to do that! [both sigh] So, liyote attack patterns.
It's widely believed that liyotes like to ravage their prey here.
- [whimpers] - But, actually, they prefer the more painful flank area so their victims wish that they were never born.
Oh, learning is magical.
It's okay, Thunk.
I'll help you get ready to stand up to Bruiser.
No, thanks.
I'm not a fighter.
I'm more of a fightee.
Besides, I bet he's forgotten all about me by now.
As you can all see, the memory part of their heads is very large, which is why a liyote never, ever forgets.
[gulps] Maybe you could give me a few tips.
Remember, Bruiser's an animal.
So, to face him, you've got to use your animal instincts.
Animal instincts, eh? How about [meowing] - [hissing, meowing] - I meant something more intimidating.
You know, like a bear owl or a moler bear.
Basically, anything with "bear" in it.
[yelps] [moans, hisses] [meowing] And then, I'd go for the death pounce.
Ooh, oh, what's that? - [buzzing] - [meowing, giggling] - [sighs] - Okay.
Yeah, this isn't working.
Ooh! But if Teacher Squawk put you in Deep Trouble after school, Bruiser couldn't fight you.
True, but how does a clean-cut cat boy like me get in Deep Trouble? [Squawk] Lunch is over, class.
Time for your oral reports entitled "What I Survived On My Vacate-shun".
Hmm.
I think I know what you can do.
All right.
Step forward and present your reports while I pretend to listen.
Anyone care to go first? Yes! I'm just gonna say it.
I didn't do my report.
[all gasp] [gasps] That's right.
I was too busy staying up past my bedtime.
He plays by his own rules.
What? [stammering] Crood boy, what's gotten into you? I'm bad now, duh.
What you gonna do, put me in Deep Trouble? Here's what I say to your authority.
- Anyone know how to draw a butt? - [gasps] Enough.
I have never seen such behavior.
- [gasps] Really? - Yes.
Except in myself.
Well done! Wait.
So you're not gonna throw me in Deep Trouble? [laughs] No.
You're demonstrating the number one survival skill, a total disregard for others' feelings.
If anything, it deserves a reward.
School ends early today.
[all cheering] After I flunk the rest of you.
- [all groaning] - Whoo-hoo! [whimpers] There.
Now, the sitting slab won't get ruined.
Wait.
I'm forgetting which rocks are furniture and which are just rocks.
[Ugga] We're saved! What is all this? - I thought you were getting Handsy.
- Nope.
The Cave of Secrets has a huge goo-it-yourself section, so I got something better.
- Instructions! - [both groan] "Apply tree sap.
Plug rock into leak and hold for one, two, three.
" Wait.
Was that a three-quarter gap-head rock or a standard lap joint stone? [scoffs] Who knows? Point is, I solved the problem myself forever.
[screams] [gasps] Uh, it's supposed to do that? [chuckles] Ah, I love the walk home from school.
This is the walk home, right? I can't go through that again! Ah, shh! Lerk, we're being quiet so Thunk doesn't get mauled by you-know-who.
- Oh.
- [grunts] Pullin' for ya, buddy.
Don't let Bruiser bite your arm off, okay? - It'd stink to not have an arm.
- Yeah, or your kneecaps.
I find those way useful.
[chuckles] Uh, thanks, but could you guys support me a little less specifically? Don't worry, Thunk.
We're almost home.
I think you're safe.
- [screams] - [all gasp] [growling] [liyotes barking] Uh, they're saying, "Fight, fight, fight," in case you were wondering.
[barking continues] [barking continues] [screams] I submit.
Oh, please don't beat me up.
Or, if you want, let me beat myself up.
Right? [chuckles] [groaning] - See? - [whimpers] [kissing] How much do I have to beg? Or is it that I'm begging too much? All feedback is welcome.
I'm open.
- [moaning] - [laughing] Thunk, he says you amuse him.
He's not gonna maul you.
[gasps] He won't? Oh, that's so nice.
So long as you make a fool of yourself like that whenever he sees you for the rest of your life.
Oh, that's less nice.
[laughing] Well, I I got out of the fight, right? - Yep.
- Technically.
- So, this is this is a win, right? - Not so much.
- Uh - A hollow victory at best.
Hey, cheer up, Thunk.
You showed us something important today.
Now, we know when a bully bothers us, the solution is to grovel and agree to whatever request the bully makes of us, no matter how unreasonable.
So life lesson? [laughing loudly] [growls] [continues laughing] - [grunts] - [all laughing] - [Thunk] Hey, Bruiser! - [grunts] Stop being a mean head! [growls] I know that wasn't a great line for such a big moment, but I'm pretty nervous.
[liyotes barking] I don't want to get beat up, Bruiser, but I refuse to live in fear of you either.
[barking continues] Fine.
You made me do this.
[meows, hisses] [snarling] [meowing] [growling] [meowing, hissing] [growls, roars] - [screams] - [growling in slow-motion] [meowing in slow-motion] [whining] [gasps] Bruiser, are you okay? Oh, let's talk it out.
[whines] [all cheering] [whining] [whining incoherently] [gasps] He said no one's ever stood up to him before.
[gasps, grunts softly] - [gasps] Bruiser submits! - Yeah! That's the sweet puppy I knew was in there.
- Aw! - [all cheering] - [laughing] - [all laughing] Well, Thunk, you made an enemy into a friend.
[chuckles] - I'm proud of you.
- Aw, thanks, Eep.
I think we've earned a nice, uneventful afternoon at home.
- [gasps] - [gasps] There.
The leak is plugged, the spider ants are exterminated, and most importantly, I did it all by myself! [music playing] [whimpering] Please, look, believe me.
I didn't do it.
Sure, I've stolen in the past, more than once, but I'm not dumb enough to steal from Amber.
- I mean, look at her.
- [growling] - [chirping] - [grunts] Hurry up, Grug! Amber go through five rocks already! You leader.
You decide Amber revenge.
Remove Squawk arms first or legs first? - [gasps] - What? We can't just tear people apart willy-nilly.
- [groans] - There should be rules.
Ooh! I've got an idea for a rule.
Squawk keeps his legs and walks right out of here.
[chuckles] Agreed? Uh no.
But new rule.
If you do anything bad, you're banished to a cave sealed up with rocks.
- So, Amber, rock him up.
- But I didn't do it! This one time! Dad, I know it sounds crazy, 'cause it's, like, Squawk, but what if he's telling the truth? Amber says she saw him, but it's just her word against his.
[chuckles] Eep, honey, if someone says you did something bad, you probably did.
Right and wrong is that simple.
[grunting] Four more seasons! Four more seasons! And who knew there were punishments other than death? [laughing] Just kidding, but Wow! Everyone sure loves you, Dad.
I guess that's why they're throwing you that surprise party tomorrow that I'm not supposed to tell you about.
- [gasps] - Thunk! Yes, now that the tabby's out of the cave, the valley is planning a surprise party to honor your first full season as leader.
- I'm sorry.
- Don't worry, son.
Everything is great.
I'm getting a party.
[giggling] Oh, I can't go dressed like this.
Papa's gotta hunt himself some new fur.
[grunting, laughing] [all snoring] [all yelp] Well, I was hunting all night, but check me out.
- Oh, Dad, that hat looks fresh.
- It should.
I just skinned it.
- [man] Grug! - Oh, it's party time.
Surprise! - What? - Hey, Grug! [snarling] - Come on, Grug.
- What's going on? Is this part of the surprise party? If so, you guys are really selling it.
No.
We're not throwing a party for the jerk who broke into all of our caves, stole all of the food we were saving for cold season, then ran off yelling that he was gonna give it to the Broods.
Wait.
Who did that? That guy does sound like a jerk.
You did it.
You betrayed the entire valley.
I saw you.
- I saw it all.
- Amber see you, too! I don't know if I saw it all, but I did see you.
That's impossible.
Family, tell them I didn't do this.
Yeah, there's just no way.
Dad was busy being out of our cave all night.
[Grug grunts] [gasps] I should just stop talking.
Grug know new rule.
Do bad thing, get rocked up.
- Yeah! - Grug get rocked! But Grug no do bad thing.
Angry mob, please.
Be reasonable.
What is going on? Nothing makes sense.
Except this hat.
This is a sick hat.
[grunts] [Grug moans] Where where am I? [Squawk] Grug Crood, trapped with the scum he put away.
Welcome to your worst nightmare.
Can I get a hand? This eye isn't natural.
[sighs] What? I am in rock-up? But this isn't fair.
- It's their word against mine.
- So? It was Amber's word against mine when you sent me here.
By the way, you'll never get free.
Trust me.
I've been in here a long time.
- What? I rocked you up yesterday.
- That's it? Boy, I went insane pretty fast then, didn't I, Mom? Yes, you sure did, Squawky.
Oh, but I love you so much.
- Awkward.
- [Ugga] Grug, are you okay? Ugga, get me out.
I'm an innocent caveman.
We believe you, but there's three guards.
Unless Hey.
Any chance you guys are hangin' out here for an unrelated reason? Yeah, I am.
Should I? I'll just go.
[sighs] We've gotta find a way to help Dad.
Pass.
I only risk my neck for the top three people in my life.
I'll let you figure out the other rankings, but baby, you're coming with me.
Whatever.
My secret plan works better with three people anyway.
There's a secret involved? Gran, wait up.
I'm useless here.
No, Thunk.
You are just what we need.
Secret, secret, secret, secret Not giving away our big secret, I Success, Mom.
I didn't blab about our plan to dig Dad free.
- [man growls] - [Ugga yelps] That much.
I'm sorry.
Secrets are like eating rotten chickuna to me.
I barf 'em up whether I like it or not.
No, Thunk, you did good.
And, ew.
- Come on, Dad, I'm bustin' you out.
- Huh? We will exit in the order we came in.
And this isn't over, Grug.
I will get my revenge ugh! Pfft! - They're escaping! - Quick.
We've got a getaway ride.
[whistles] [rumbling] Wow, Eep, this was a great plan.
- So where are we going? - I don't know.
Wow, Eep, this is a so-so plan.
[both gasping] Give up and Amber show mercy by throwing Grug and daughter in same dark cave! - That adorable, right? - No, Amber.
I didn't do it.
Amber no care! [both growling] [both screaming] [all gasp] Amber now regret saying "Amber no care.
" [Eep, Grug laughing] [both] Whoo-hoo! Yeah! [growls] This area seems pretty shady.
- Ho! - [growls] No.
Don't make eye contact.
[panting] - [screeching] - [Eep, Grug screaming] Okay, this place is terrifying, but we can hide out here until I can figure out how to clear your name.
Oh, there is nothing to figure out.
It was obviously the Broods.
Whenever anything bad happens, it is always their fault.
But everyone was so sure they saw you.
There must be something else.
What did I tell you about thinking? - [sighs] It rots your brain.
- Exactly.
Now let's get those Broods! - [buzzing] - [whimpers] - Try this.
- Pass me that, would you? They do have the food everyone was saving for cold season.
- Maybe you were right about them.
- Aha! - Yagh-hh! - Hiya, Grug.
Nice to see you again, friend.
You want some eggs or meat or? - What was your name again? - Womp.
[slurps] - Second course.
- Friends? We're not friends.
You made everyone think I stole that food for you.
It seemed weird to us too.
We figured you poisoned it so we had Meema taste test it.
- You did what now? - But she lived.
No, no, you must be lying like the awful, evil, terrible liars you are.
Hey, what's with the hate? What happened to the Grug who dropped off these eats with a lovely thank-you note for taking it off your hands, no less? Hmm? Agh! That's my hand.
I don't remember doing any of this.
But did I do this? [gasps, pants] [squeaks] [wails] I don't know what to believe anymore.
What is real? [squeaks] What is Grug? Oh, great.
This is what crazy feels like.
Dad, you're not crazy.
There are lots of logical explanations.
Maybe you were sleepwalking, or a bunch of spider ants turned you into their puppet.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're right, Eep.
This definitely happened! Uh Huh? Amber follow Grug and Grug daughter.
Now Amber know all Croods in on theft.
All Croods must pay.
I am losing my mind.
Do I belong in rock-up? If everyone says I stole that stuff, maybe I did.
That's how the system works, right? Okay.
No answer from a scary voice in my head.
That's promising.
[Squawk cackling] It's revenge time, Grug Crood.
- Have at you! Ooh! - Squawk.
Hi, fellow crazy guy.
[gasps] - Gorg? - It's Gurg, actually.
I'm terrible with names, but I could never forget the handsome face of the man who tried to steal my family.
What are you doing here? It's true, I tried to steal your family, 'cause the day I spent with them was the best day of my life.
[all laughing] And the day you kicked me out - [yelling] - The worst.
Since then, I've been planning my revenge.
Ha-ha, ha-hah! So, what are you gonna do? What? I already did it.
The whole posing as you and ruining your life thing.
Oh, right! So I'm not crazy.
Whew! But that was not cool, man.
Wow! Gotta say, that is a way better revenge than what I had planned.
I was basically just gonna tackle you and wing it from there.
And you almost got away with it.
But you forgot one thing.
Ugh! Grug Crood is a truly, truly great dude.
Now let's get you back to the valley to clear my name.
Wait.
You, other guy, who wanted revenge.
You gonna let him get away like this? Do your tackle plan.
- [grunts] - Stop.
Don't listen to him.
Even if he is incredibly good-looking.
Why not? You rocked me up without listening to a word I said.
That was different.
Everyone said you were guilty, even though you said you weren't, which is exactly what happened to me.
So I guess I'm sorry.
[Gurg laughs] - Gurg, get back here.
- [Snoot] Stop right there.
Hold up, everyone.
I figured it out.
I didn't betray the valley, it was a guy who looks just like me.
Another guy who looks like you? Please.
Nature's cruel, but not that cruel.
Vine up the traitor.
I am not a traitor.
It was that guy with the beautiful face.
You know, the Gorg.
I mean, Gurg.
Gurg.
Gurg! So that's what happened.
Guess it's time for us to live on our own.
[snarls] Oh, fine.
We'll save our family if you're gonna be a baby about it.
[laughs] Da-da-dah! [chuckles] [music playing]