Desmonds (1989) s01e01 Episode Script
French Lessons
1 - Come on! We've been up for hours.
- Coming! I'm in the bathroom! You're gonna beat me instead? Morning, Mrs Ambrose.
- Morning, Louise.
Did you sleep well? - Fine, thanks.
If you go down to the kitchen, I'll come down and make breakfast in a minute.
- Mum, has the post arrived yet? - No, not yet.
Gloria, I want you to go downstairs and make some breakfast for Louise.
I don't want to leave her too long on she own.
Louise believes that women shouldn't be slaves to the kitchen, and she's made a conscious decision not to familiarise herself with kitchen utensils.
Oh, yes? Well, you'd better just go downstairs and reintroduce her to mine.
Yeah, last time she was here that child nearly burned my house down making beans on toast.
Desmond Ambrose.
57, boy, and still handsome.
Hello, Desmond.
How are you? - Today I feel 27.
- That's good.
Boy, after that rum last night, I feel 63.
But, Porkpie, you are 63.
Boy, Matthew, you stupid, eh? All right, name this tune, the time, the date, the everything.
Oscar Brown Junior, Signifyin' Monkey.
Recorded 1960, Billy Butterfield.
Joe Wilder on trumpet.
He was almost as good as me.
The greatest trumpeter in Guyana, Jazzy D.
Ah, man! Matthew, how many times do I have to tell you? I don't want that paper in my shop.
- Desmond, we are doing a study on - On what? Page Three? Or how many times they blame black people for so many things? No, it's a study on censorship and the press.
In my day, they never teach you worthless things like that.
It's just an excuse to read dirty magazines.
Gloria, make sure you have something to eat before you go out.
Glor, can you remember which of the Brontë sisters wrote Jane Eyre? Um No, wait, wait.
Um - What's her name? What's her name? - Charlotte.
- How did you know that? - I used to have a brain once, you know.
It's just that I put it away when I married your father.
Yo! Catch you later, Dad! You see that? You know where he learn that? In school.
They have classes that teach them to walk like that and spray walls with paint.
They call it breakdance and graffiti art.
I call it can't dance and vandalism.
- Dad, has the post come yet? - It's over there, darlin'.
- Anything for me? - No.
Listen, you two, after you've had this, I want you to go.
This is not a café.
Come on, Shirl, don't be like that.
It's people like us that keep this shop going.
Without us, this place wouldn't be the same.
Without you, this place would be a barbershop, instead of a bookie and a social club.
But you can't just throw us out to roam the streets with nothing to do.
I might get into trouble.
All right, you can stay, on one condition.
- Just name it.
- Anything, anything.
One of you got to get his hair cut.
Ah.
Obviously, you must be referring to Porkpie.
He's worn that hat so long I don't think even he knows what's under it.
Is that the time? I really must go to college now, otherwise I'll be late.
Oh, what's your lecture today, Matthew? Is tabloid journalism undermining the moral fibre of today's urban society? - Ooooh! - See you later! Bye! All right, Porkpie, it's you.
At least you can get these sides cut.
Look.
Is that the time? I really must go to college now.
Matthew! Come on, Gloria, I want to see it too! All right.
Listen to this, right? - Male.
Five foot eight tall.
Sexy.
- Ooh.
And WE.
- Here, what does WE mean? - Well endowed.
- I'm liking the sound of his endowment.
- Yeah.
Here, I want a handsome, rich, intelligent Here, how did you know what WE meant? You've done this before, haven't you? No, I haven't.
Listen, you're not gonna find anyone with brains in here, you know? All you're likely to get in here is WMs.
- What's that? - Weird men.
I don't see why.
Here, listen to this.
"At Male Order Man, you can have the man of your dreams.
" Ooh! "From the comfort of your own home.
" So no more boring chat-up lines like Haven't we met somewhere before, babe? - D'you come here often? - What happen, sister? You cool? I think I know your sister very well! How's that, Reginald? But I wanted that.
A tennis racket? I tell you what.
Next time, I'll put in two wavy lines and we can call it a tennis ball.
All right? Bye-bye.
Next! - Dah-dah! - Lee! Boy, you need sunglasses to wear a suit like that.
Nah, suit? This is precision tailoring.
- You not see that? - You buy that on holiday? Nah, from two ex-cons down Hackney.
They're doing tailoring on one of those Restart courses.
They should restart on the suit.
- How much did it cost? - A oner.
What do you think? Miami Vice? For a suit like that, you need legal advice.
- So, how was your holiday, Lee? - It was wicked.
Know what I mean, Harry? By the way, where did you go? JA, LA, USA.
And that was just the name of the discos.
Spain, Costa Bomb, Club 18-30.
It was all the S's, right? Sun, surf, sand, and "See you after supper, señorita!" Have you ever thought of saving up your money and investing it? - What for? - For a rainy day.
Oh, this is England, Des.
It rains every day.
Instead of going to JA in Spain, you could've saved up your money and gone to the real Jamaica, where you was born.
I've seen where I was born.
I drive past it every day.
King's College Hospital, Camberwell.
- Can I help you? - Pinch me so I know I'm not dreaming.
All right? How come we haven't met before? Don't tell me.
You're not from around here.
No.
Cos if you were, I'd certainly know about you.
And you, no doubt, would've heard about me.
I've got a couple of tickets for me boxing club dinner and dance in a couple of weeks.
I'm fightin'.
I'll knock him out first round if you come.
How about it, then, eh? Occupe-toi de tes oignons, sinon je vais te faire une baffe, espèce de crétin.
I see you haven't lost your touch, Lee.
- Good morning.
Who was that little boy? - Don't worry about him.
He's harmless.
- I guessed.
- What can I do for you? You don't fancy a couple of tickets to see me box, plus dinner, Des? - When? - Thursday fortnight.
- No, Thursday's me and Shirley's night out.
- Bring her along.
You know she don't like boxing.
- So how long are you staying for? - Two, maybe three weeks.
It depends.
- On what? - My brother Jean-Pierre.
- He teaches French over here.
- Oh, really? Yes, he's just started an adult language course at Peckham Civic Centre.
- When? - On Monday evenings.
He wants me to help him out.
Uh-huh.
What does "exch find" mean? Well, if you've got a character or a command and you have to find it, - the computer locates it for you.
- Ah.
Can I have a go? Yeah.
Press that key.
- What? What's going on? - Don't worry, Dad.
It's talking to itself.
- You mean a computer can talk to itself? - Yeah, it's got its own language.
I'm sorry I asked.
I can safely say your mother and I are through our learning days.
Oh, are we? As a matter of fact, I've decided to take French lessons.
- What? - Oh, great, Mum.
What do you want to learn French for? Well, you always on about the children's education so I thought, "Why not?" But that's different.
They're young.
They have to go to school.
And it's free.
- What you trying to say? I too old? - Yes.
No.
I mean I don't see the point.
Come on, Dad.
Don't be an old fuddy-duddy.
Your children can't even talk English properly, and you want to learn French.
I just want to do something to exercise me brain, and you're making all this fuss.
- What's your problem? - Nothing.
- It's ready.
You think I'm wasting me time.
- No.
- You think I too old? - No.
- You just frightened of being left behind.
- No! Look, all those in favour of Mum learning French, say yes.
- Oui.
- You're outvoted, Dad.
Since when do we vote? I make the decisions in my house! Ah, thank you, Desmond! Trouble with these photographs, you can't see the faces properly.
- Mm.
Or their bums.
- Louise! What's wrong with that? Men always stare at ours.
Why can't we stare at theirs? - John Barnes has got a nice bum.
- Oh, yeah.
But that's not what I'm talkin' about.
You'd think Male Order Man would know black people don't photocopy well.
Look! - They're probably all the same geezer.
- Don't be stupid.
Come on, you've been looking at these for over a week now.
I don't know.
I tell you what.
You close your eyes, pick out three.
We'll go round to Denise's and she can help us pick out Mr Right.
All right.
Hang on.
Whichever one I pick, how will I recognise him when I meet him? Easy.
Red rose in the lapel.
He'll wear one, you'll wear one.
That's original, isn't it? Bonsoir, mes enfants.
Ooh, bonsoir, Maman.
Où est-ce que tu vas? Je vais rencontre Jean-Pierre.
Ooh, your French is getting very good, Mrs Ambrose.
Oh, yes.
Jean-Pierre thinks I'm his best student.
- Oh! - Yeah, he says I pick up French very easily.
- That's not all he wants you to pick up.
- Gloria! He's a nice respectable teacher.
Hm.
And he's taught me some very useful phrases.
Oh, yeah? Like what? Et toi-meme, tu pourrais bien faire la vaisselle, non? Wicked! That's great, Mum.
What does it mean? Would you like to do the washing-up? Oh, come on! Come on, come on.
We all know what you got.
- What have I got, then? - Three, five, and four, one.
I'm not playing.
You've been cheating.
Don't be silly.
You should learn to read the game.
Stupid idiot.
Who you calling stupid idiot, you stupid idiot? At least I'm not as stupid as you look.
Don't you all play dominoes in Africa? In the Gambia, we play Trivial Pursuit.
You West Indians forget that you're our direct descendents.
Without us you would not exist.
We know.
And we very grateful.
But I'd be even more grateful if you was to play the three, five.
- There.
- Thank you.
Well, we better be off if we going to Hackney.
Why are we going to Hackney? To the boxing dinner and dance.
- But I thought it was Streatham.
- Nah, it's definitely Hackney.
Actually, lads, it's High Wycombe.
- Where? - So! - So, it's fraudulent tickets? - No, slow down.
It's all taken care of.
There's a coach outside to take you to High Wycombe.
- Where is High Wycombe? - I thought you knew everything.
- Sure you won't come, then, Des? - No, it's Shirley and my night out.
I mean, I would.
But she don't like to see you box.
When I beat Lloydie and become world champion, she'll have to watch me.
- Lloydie? - Yeah, Lloyd Honeyghan, he's soft.
- Uh - I'm making loads of wonga, Dad! the uglier they get, man, look.
- Come on, you can't chicken out now.
- Where you going tonight? - We're going round Denise's.
- Get back by half past ten.
- We're only going down the road.
I know, but I'm worried about muggers, rapists and perverts.
Dad, it's all right, we know who they are.
We go to school with them.
Hang on! Oh, Lord, girl! Shirley, you look nice, eh? You didn't tell me we was going "out" out! Lord, I'll get changed! Is where we going? We not going anywhere.
I told you last week, I got a French lesson tonight.
Dressed like that? I thought your lessons was on Mondays.
- But Jean-Pierre - Jean-Pierre, this! Jean-Pierre, that! I wouldn't cross a black man with a name like Jean-Pierre's.
- He's taking me to see a French film.
- He's taking you to see a dirty film? It's not a dirty film.
And anyway, it's a good way to learn.
- To learn what? - The language.
You call it learning the language.
I call it a date.
Desmond, listen, in the 30 years we been married, I ever give you any cause not to trust me? No.
Huh.
I told you before, man.
You should've remembered.
Well, I remember.
It's just that I forget.
Sorry.
Look, I got to go.
Otherwise I'll be late.
Um when will you be back? 11 o'clock.
Jean-Pierre, this.
Jean-Pierre, that.
Jean-Pierre Smith! - Who is that? - It's a burglar.
Wearing high-heeled shoes and a fur coat, with a front door key.
What time do you call this? I call this two o'clock in the morning.
Why? What time you call it? Where have you been? On the way back from the cinema, the car broke down.
Jean-Pierre phoned the AA.
- They took ages.
- You could've rung.
- I didn't know it would take so long.
- You told me you'd be back by Desmond.
I'm your wife, not Gloria trying to make excuses.
Anyway, I don't want to talk no more about it.
It was a disaster.
Oh, I knew it would be.
What you know, Desmond, hm? What you know about me? - You know what shoe size I take? - What that got to do with it? Everything.
I know the size of your shoes.
The size of your neck, your chest, your waist.
How you hate the smell of boiling cabbage.
And I also know that when I said I was going to learn French, you thought, "What that stupid old fool want to learn French for?" I gave up my studies to marry you, remember? So, old I may be.
But stupid I am not.
Now, just because I don't exercise this body any more, it don't mean to say I can't exercise this mind! So you better put on your running shoes, otherwise I left you in the starting blocks! Well, I don't know if I want to run any more.
I just want to rest.
Build a house on me plot of land back home, and retire.
Stop dreamin', Desmond.
This is England, 1989, and we no nearer buildin' a house back in the Guyana now than we were in 1969.
You think I ain't gonna make it.
You think I ain't gonna get there.
Well, I'm gonna build that house if it's the last thing I do.
Even if I don't live there.
It would be for the children, so they could know their country of origin, their culture, its roots.
So that one day if Thatcher decide to throw us out, we have somewhere to go to, and that goes for you too, Linford Christie.
Get it right.
Daley Thompson.
Yeah, sorry, Daley.
I forgot he was an all-rounder.
Mm-hm.
Do you remember when we first met? Mm.
At your college dance.
Yeah, Jazzy D, playing in your band, wearing your Miles Davis sunglasses.
You were Mister Cool.
- You remember the tune? - Mm-hm.
- Shirley? - Yes? Where me runnin' shoes? - I can't go through with this.
- Gloria, you can't chicken out now.
If you want to do it so much, why don't you wear it? Here you are.
Gloria, he's coming to the shop.
He'll be here soon.
Well, he won't be looking at me, because I won't be wearing a rose.
Gloria! Boy, 57! And you still drive me wild! I would've taken him out Oh, gentlemen, good morning! Come in, do! Come in! - Is everything OK? - I am cool! Ha-ha! How did the fight go? Did you win? Win? I scared him so much, he didn't even turn up.
Ha-ha-ha! What are you gentlemen having? - The usual? - Yeah, man.
Ah, Shirley! Three teas, toast and one coffee, please.
- Are you all right? - Man, I am coo-ooh-ool! Desmond.
Ah! - Are you sure you're all right? - Man, I am in love! - In love! - In love? - When did you meet this woman? - Last night.
You sneaky little No wonder you didn't want to come to the fight.
Where did you meet her? Shirl, Shirl! - This one? - No, listen, listen, listen.
Listen! Look, look, look.
Ah, nice! Her name is Shirley.
We met at a college dance.
You can't love Shirley.
She's your wife.
- Bonjour! - Speakin' of love! - I just popped in to say au revoir.
- Ahh, you can't go yet.
- I've only just got to know you.
- Some other time, eh? Shirley, good luck with your lessons.
You must visit me in Paris! Thank you.
Desmond, a romantic weekend in Paris? How about if I give you a lift to the airport, eh? Bon-joo, cherry! - What he say? - "Hello, darling.
" Petit garçon stupide, arrête de me faire perdre mon temps, et grandis, sors de mes pattes.
Oh, say some more! I love it when you talk dirty.
Au revoir, tout le monde.
Hold on, wait for me.
I have cracked it! There's no point in us hanging about now.
- Well, I want to see what I'm missing.
- Yeah, I suppose.
Excuse me, ladies.
Have you seen a lady wearing a red rose? Yeah - Can I help you? - Gloria! You're even more beautiful than I imagined.
Desmond!
- Coming! I'm in the bathroom! You're gonna beat me instead? Morning, Mrs Ambrose.
- Morning, Louise.
Did you sleep well? - Fine, thanks.
If you go down to the kitchen, I'll come down and make breakfast in a minute.
- Mum, has the post arrived yet? - No, not yet.
Gloria, I want you to go downstairs and make some breakfast for Louise.
I don't want to leave her too long on she own.
Louise believes that women shouldn't be slaves to the kitchen, and she's made a conscious decision not to familiarise herself with kitchen utensils.
Oh, yes? Well, you'd better just go downstairs and reintroduce her to mine.
Yeah, last time she was here that child nearly burned my house down making beans on toast.
Desmond Ambrose.
57, boy, and still handsome.
Hello, Desmond.
How are you? - Today I feel 27.
- That's good.
Boy, after that rum last night, I feel 63.
But, Porkpie, you are 63.
Boy, Matthew, you stupid, eh? All right, name this tune, the time, the date, the everything.
Oscar Brown Junior, Signifyin' Monkey.
Recorded 1960, Billy Butterfield.
Joe Wilder on trumpet.
He was almost as good as me.
The greatest trumpeter in Guyana, Jazzy D.
Ah, man! Matthew, how many times do I have to tell you? I don't want that paper in my shop.
- Desmond, we are doing a study on - On what? Page Three? Or how many times they blame black people for so many things? No, it's a study on censorship and the press.
In my day, they never teach you worthless things like that.
It's just an excuse to read dirty magazines.
Gloria, make sure you have something to eat before you go out.
Glor, can you remember which of the Brontë sisters wrote Jane Eyre? Um No, wait, wait.
Um - What's her name? What's her name? - Charlotte.
- How did you know that? - I used to have a brain once, you know.
It's just that I put it away when I married your father.
Yo! Catch you later, Dad! You see that? You know where he learn that? In school.
They have classes that teach them to walk like that and spray walls with paint.
They call it breakdance and graffiti art.
I call it can't dance and vandalism.
- Dad, has the post come yet? - It's over there, darlin'.
- Anything for me? - No.
Listen, you two, after you've had this, I want you to go.
This is not a café.
Come on, Shirl, don't be like that.
It's people like us that keep this shop going.
Without us, this place wouldn't be the same.
Without you, this place would be a barbershop, instead of a bookie and a social club.
But you can't just throw us out to roam the streets with nothing to do.
I might get into trouble.
All right, you can stay, on one condition.
- Just name it.
- Anything, anything.
One of you got to get his hair cut.
Ah.
Obviously, you must be referring to Porkpie.
He's worn that hat so long I don't think even he knows what's under it.
Is that the time? I really must go to college now, otherwise I'll be late.
Oh, what's your lecture today, Matthew? Is tabloid journalism undermining the moral fibre of today's urban society? - Ooooh! - See you later! Bye! All right, Porkpie, it's you.
At least you can get these sides cut.
Look.
Is that the time? I really must go to college now.
Matthew! Come on, Gloria, I want to see it too! All right.
Listen to this, right? - Male.
Five foot eight tall.
Sexy.
- Ooh.
And WE.
- Here, what does WE mean? - Well endowed.
- I'm liking the sound of his endowment.
- Yeah.
Here, I want a handsome, rich, intelligent Here, how did you know what WE meant? You've done this before, haven't you? No, I haven't.
Listen, you're not gonna find anyone with brains in here, you know? All you're likely to get in here is WMs.
- What's that? - Weird men.
I don't see why.
Here, listen to this.
"At Male Order Man, you can have the man of your dreams.
" Ooh! "From the comfort of your own home.
" So no more boring chat-up lines like Haven't we met somewhere before, babe? - D'you come here often? - What happen, sister? You cool? I think I know your sister very well! How's that, Reginald? But I wanted that.
A tennis racket? I tell you what.
Next time, I'll put in two wavy lines and we can call it a tennis ball.
All right? Bye-bye.
Next! - Dah-dah! - Lee! Boy, you need sunglasses to wear a suit like that.
Nah, suit? This is precision tailoring.
- You not see that? - You buy that on holiday? Nah, from two ex-cons down Hackney.
They're doing tailoring on one of those Restart courses.
They should restart on the suit.
- How much did it cost? - A oner.
What do you think? Miami Vice? For a suit like that, you need legal advice.
- So, how was your holiday, Lee? - It was wicked.
Know what I mean, Harry? By the way, where did you go? JA, LA, USA.
And that was just the name of the discos.
Spain, Costa Bomb, Club 18-30.
It was all the S's, right? Sun, surf, sand, and "See you after supper, señorita!" Have you ever thought of saving up your money and investing it? - What for? - For a rainy day.
Oh, this is England, Des.
It rains every day.
Instead of going to JA in Spain, you could've saved up your money and gone to the real Jamaica, where you was born.
I've seen where I was born.
I drive past it every day.
King's College Hospital, Camberwell.
- Can I help you? - Pinch me so I know I'm not dreaming.
All right? How come we haven't met before? Don't tell me.
You're not from around here.
No.
Cos if you were, I'd certainly know about you.
And you, no doubt, would've heard about me.
I've got a couple of tickets for me boxing club dinner and dance in a couple of weeks.
I'm fightin'.
I'll knock him out first round if you come.
How about it, then, eh? Occupe-toi de tes oignons, sinon je vais te faire une baffe, espèce de crétin.
I see you haven't lost your touch, Lee.
- Good morning.
Who was that little boy? - Don't worry about him.
He's harmless.
- I guessed.
- What can I do for you? You don't fancy a couple of tickets to see me box, plus dinner, Des? - When? - Thursday fortnight.
- No, Thursday's me and Shirley's night out.
- Bring her along.
You know she don't like boxing.
- So how long are you staying for? - Two, maybe three weeks.
It depends.
- On what? - My brother Jean-Pierre.
- He teaches French over here.
- Oh, really? Yes, he's just started an adult language course at Peckham Civic Centre.
- When? - On Monday evenings.
He wants me to help him out.
Uh-huh.
What does "exch find" mean? Well, if you've got a character or a command and you have to find it, - the computer locates it for you.
- Ah.
Can I have a go? Yeah.
Press that key.
- What? What's going on? - Don't worry, Dad.
It's talking to itself.
- You mean a computer can talk to itself? - Yeah, it's got its own language.
I'm sorry I asked.
I can safely say your mother and I are through our learning days.
Oh, are we? As a matter of fact, I've decided to take French lessons.
- What? - Oh, great, Mum.
What do you want to learn French for? Well, you always on about the children's education so I thought, "Why not?" But that's different.
They're young.
They have to go to school.
And it's free.
- What you trying to say? I too old? - Yes.
No.
I mean I don't see the point.
Come on, Dad.
Don't be an old fuddy-duddy.
Your children can't even talk English properly, and you want to learn French.
I just want to do something to exercise me brain, and you're making all this fuss.
- What's your problem? - Nothing.
- It's ready.
You think I'm wasting me time.
- No.
- You think I too old? - No.
- You just frightened of being left behind.
- No! Look, all those in favour of Mum learning French, say yes.
- Oui.
- You're outvoted, Dad.
Since when do we vote? I make the decisions in my house! Ah, thank you, Desmond! Trouble with these photographs, you can't see the faces properly.
- Mm.
Or their bums.
- Louise! What's wrong with that? Men always stare at ours.
Why can't we stare at theirs? - John Barnes has got a nice bum.
- Oh, yeah.
But that's not what I'm talkin' about.
You'd think Male Order Man would know black people don't photocopy well.
Look! - They're probably all the same geezer.
- Don't be stupid.
Come on, you've been looking at these for over a week now.
I don't know.
I tell you what.
You close your eyes, pick out three.
We'll go round to Denise's and she can help us pick out Mr Right.
All right.
Hang on.
Whichever one I pick, how will I recognise him when I meet him? Easy.
Red rose in the lapel.
He'll wear one, you'll wear one.
That's original, isn't it? Bonsoir, mes enfants.
Ooh, bonsoir, Maman.
Où est-ce que tu vas? Je vais rencontre Jean-Pierre.
Ooh, your French is getting very good, Mrs Ambrose.
Oh, yes.
Jean-Pierre thinks I'm his best student.
- Oh! - Yeah, he says I pick up French very easily.
- That's not all he wants you to pick up.
- Gloria! He's a nice respectable teacher.
Hm.
And he's taught me some very useful phrases.
Oh, yeah? Like what? Et toi-meme, tu pourrais bien faire la vaisselle, non? Wicked! That's great, Mum.
What does it mean? Would you like to do the washing-up? Oh, come on! Come on, come on.
We all know what you got.
- What have I got, then? - Three, five, and four, one.
I'm not playing.
You've been cheating.
Don't be silly.
You should learn to read the game.
Stupid idiot.
Who you calling stupid idiot, you stupid idiot? At least I'm not as stupid as you look.
Don't you all play dominoes in Africa? In the Gambia, we play Trivial Pursuit.
You West Indians forget that you're our direct descendents.
Without us you would not exist.
We know.
And we very grateful.
But I'd be even more grateful if you was to play the three, five.
- There.
- Thank you.
Well, we better be off if we going to Hackney.
Why are we going to Hackney? To the boxing dinner and dance.
- But I thought it was Streatham.
- Nah, it's definitely Hackney.
Actually, lads, it's High Wycombe.
- Where? - So! - So, it's fraudulent tickets? - No, slow down.
It's all taken care of.
There's a coach outside to take you to High Wycombe.
- Where is High Wycombe? - I thought you knew everything.
- Sure you won't come, then, Des? - No, it's Shirley and my night out.
I mean, I would.
But she don't like to see you box.
When I beat Lloydie and become world champion, she'll have to watch me.
- Lloydie? - Yeah, Lloyd Honeyghan, he's soft.
- Uh - I'm making loads of wonga, Dad! the uglier they get, man, look.
- Come on, you can't chicken out now.
- Where you going tonight? - We're going round Denise's.
- Get back by half past ten.
- We're only going down the road.
I know, but I'm worried about muggers, rapists and perverts.
Dad, it's all right, we know who they are.
We go to school with them.
Hang on! Oh, Lord, girl! Shirley, you look nice, eh? You didn't tell me we was going "out" out! Lord, I'll get changed! Is where we going? We not going anywhere.
I told you last week, I got a French lesson tonight.
Dressed like that? I thought your lessons was on Mondays.
- But Jean-Pierre - Jean-Pierre, this! Jean-Pierre, that! I wouldn't cross a black man with a name like Jean-Pierre's.
- He's taking me to see a French film.
- He's taking you to see a dirty film? It's not a dirty film.
And anyway, it's a good way to learn.
- To learn what? - The language.
You call it learning the language.
I call it a date.
Desmond, listen, in the 30 years we been married, I ever give you any cause not to trust me? No.
Huh.
I told you before, man.
You should've remembered.
Well, I remember.
It's just that I forget.
Sorry.
Look, I got to go.
Otherwise I'll be late.
Um when will you be back? 11 o'clock.
Jean-Pierre, this.
Jean-Pierre, that.
Jean-Pierre Smith! - Who is that? - It's a burglar.
Wearing high-heeled shoes and a fur coat, with a front door key.
What time do you call this? I call this two o'clock in the morning.
Why? What time you call it? Where have you been? On the way back from the cinema, the car broke down.
Jean-Pierre phoned the AA.
- They took ages.
- You could've rung.
- I didn't know it would take so long.
- You told me you'd be back by Desmond.
I'm your wife, not Gloria trying to make excuses.
Anyway, I don't want to talk no more about it.
It was a disaster.
Oh, I knew it would be.
What you know, Desmond, hm? What you know about me? - You know what shoe size I take? - What that got to do with it? Everything.
I know the size of your shoes.
The size of your neck, your chest, your waist.
How you hate the smell of boiling cabbage.
And I also know that when I said I was going to learn French, you thought, "What that stupid old fool want to learn French for?" I gave up my studies to marry you, remember? So, old I may be.
But stupid I am not.
Now, just because I don't exercise this body any more, it don't mean to say I can't exercise this mind! So you better put on your running shoes, otherwise I left you in the starting blocks! Well, I don't know if I want to run any more.
I just want to rest.
Build a house on me plot of land back home, and retire.
Stop dreamin', Desmond.
This is England, 1989, and we no nearer buildin' a house back in the Guyana now than we were in 1969.
You think I ain't gonna make it.
You think I ain't gonna get there.
Well, I'm gonna build that house if it's the last thing I do.
Even if I don't live there.
It would be for the children, so they could know their country of origin, their culture, its roots.
So that one day if Thatcher decide to throw us out, we have somewhere to go to, and that goes for you too, Linford Christie.
Get it right.
Daley Thompson.
Yeah, sorry, Daley.
I forgot he was an all-rounder.
Mm-hm.
Do you remember when we first met? Mm.
At your college dance.
Yeah, Jazzy D, playing in your band, wearing your Miles Davis sunglasses.
You were Mister Cool.
- You remember the tune? - Mm-hm.
- Shirley? - Yes? Where me runnin' shoes? - I can't go through with this.
- Gloria, you can't chicken out now.
If you want to do it so much, why don't you wear it? Here you are.
Gloria, he's coming to the shop.
He'll be here soon.
Well, he won't be looking at me, because I won't be wearing a rose.
Gloria! Boy, 57! And you still drive me wild! I would've taken him out Oh, gentlemen, good morning! Come in, do! Come in! - Is everything OK? - I am cool! Ha-ha! How did the fight go? Did you win? Win? I scared him so much, he didn't even turn up.
Ha-ha-ha! What are you gentlemen having? - The usual? - Yeah, man.
Ah, Shirley! Three teas, toast and one coffee, please.
- Are you all right? - Man, I am coo-ooh-ool! Desmond.
Ah! - Are you sure you're all right? - Man, I am in love! - In love! - In love? - When did you meet this woman? - Last night.
You sneaky little No wonder you didn't want to come to the fight.
Where did you meet her? Shirl, Shirl! - This one? - No, listen, listen, listen.
Listen! Look, look, look.
Ah, nice! Her name is Shirley.
We met at a college dance.
You can't love Shirley.
She's your wife.
- Bonjour! - Speakin' of love! - I just popped in to say au revoir.
- Ahh, you can't go yet.
- I've only just got to know you.
- Some other time, eh? Shirley, good luck with your lessons.
You must visit me in Paris! Thank you.
Desmond, a romantic weekend in Paris? How about if I give you a lift to the airport, eh? Bon-joo, cherry! - What he say? - "Hello, darling.
" Petit garçon stupide, arrête de me faire perdre mon temps, et grandis, sors de mes pattes.
Oh, say some more! I love it when you talk dirty.
Au revoir, tout le monde.
Hold on, wait for me.
I have cracked it! There's no point in us hanging about now.
- Well, I want to see what I'm missing.
- Yeah, I suppose.
Excuse me, ladies.
Have you seen a lady wearing a red rose? Yeah - Can I help you? - Gloria! You're even more beautiful than I imagined.
Desmond!