Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (2016) s02e05 Episode Script
Shapes and Colors
1 DIRK: Previously on "Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency" A uniform is something to be earned.
DIRK: The Cardenases had a child, and that child could have been the boy.
- What is this? - Home.
[GUNFIRE.]
[SCREAMING.]
Yeah, they vanished.
We're somewhere else.
Get off of me, asshole! My name is Farson Dengdamor.
I'm not a witchakookoo.
I am a frickin' person! [SCREAMS.]
PRIEST: Don't get that close to Project Incubus without stunning them, especially if you're gonna starve them out.
You said you'd get me tickets to Sound of Nothing! And by Sound of Nothing, you mean It's a music festival.
PANTO: That once the great dark wizard found his apprentice, no one in Wendimoor could defeat him.
I need you to kill Dirk Gently.
WOMAN: Once upon a time, a boat in a field, a married couple gone missing, a gun that shoots air and then there's a hidden house, a prophecy from another world.
Surely these pieces don't fit.
Left unwatered, a plant will die.
Left unloved, a good child could go bad.
Left untended, a dream could become a nightmare.
[SQUEAKS.]
MARTIN: Gripps? Cross? You boys still exist? - CROSS: No.
- [COUGHS.]
I stopped existing a long time ago.
It made my legs sore.
[LAUGHS.]
How long we been in here, man? 7,776,000 seconds.
How many days is that? How many seconds in a day? Not gonna lie to you, boys.
This sucks.
[LAUGHS.]
- Martin? - Yeah? How long can we go without energy, man? [SIGHS.]
Keep your eyes open.
Suzie Boreton hasn't been this hard to get a hold of by accident.
Yeah, okay.
You know, Suzie Boreton's always been a little bit of an odd duck.
Do you really think she's part of this? I mean, do you think she's, like, um, dangerous? I just don't know that she's not dangerous.
Her old boss is still missing, plus the four women from the book club.
We don't have enough to arrest her, but What are you doing? I almost, uh forgot the dang thing.
There.
There it is.
I can't let this go on any longer, not not if we're questioning a suspect.
What are you doing? Farah Adrienne Black, in accordance with Montana state law via posse comitatus code OCGA 17-4-24, I hereby deputize you into the service of the Bergsberg County Sheriff's Department.
Is this for real? Yeah.
Any able-bodied person is subject to deputization by the by, uh, the local Are you Are you okay? [SOBBING.]
Yeah, I just I've wanted to work in law enforcement my entire life, and there it is.
Yeah, well.
You know, I feel like you're more of a cop than I've ever been, and you know, you deserve it.
Oh.
Thanks, Sherlock.
My pleasure, Deputy Black.
Okay.
Well, then, yesterday, I spent the majority of the day out, so I wasn't here when you came by.
I didn't say we came by, Suzie.
What's your name again? Farah Black.
How did you know we were here? Well, Sarah, I'm clearly confused.
- Farah.
- Hmm? So, where's Bob? Poor goof has been sick for a week, dosed up to his eyebrows on flu medication.
Plus he bumped his dang head somehow.
Don't know how it happened.
You know, there was some damage to the outside of the house, too.
I was actually thinking of calling you, Sheriff.
Oh, yeah? So you didn't make it to this week's book club? Book club? Nope.
I haven't been for ages.
They actually stopped inviting me - after the accident.
- HOBBS: Oh.
Just the way people are these days, I suppose.
Yeah.
Yeah, I suppose they are.
Where's the dog? What? The dog.
Bob's dog, Agrajag.
Where is it? Oh, gosh, you found me out! I knew you were gonna ask! Jeez, is everything, uh Yeah, I just Scott killed him.
Ran him over with his dang car.
[WHISPERING.]
I don't think it was an accident, and I don't know what to do.
You know, Bob's out of commission, so I've just been dealing with this all by myself, and Scott has been acting so strange the past couple days, talking about all this weird stuff, people from another world, some sort of fairy tale.
I don't know what to do.
I think he's having some kind of psychiatric breakdown.
We need to talk to Scott.
You do.
Somebody has to, because I don't want to be one of those parents who's left wishing they spoke up when their child goes and does something terrible.
Where can we find him? He's not answering his phone, but, um I know where he'll be tonight.
Him and his little friends are going to some music thing, they wanted to see someone Applesauce? Billy Applesauce? We could go there, try to have a word, but, man, it is big.
It's crowded.
Well, if Scott's there, and he's connected, Dirk will find him.
Why are we getting breakfast? Shouldn't we be investigating something? I mean, I love breakfast, big fan, but This is how it works.
We go where Dirk takes us.
Okay, back to business.
Did you just change? No, Todd, it's still me.
Though my clothes are different.
I traded these for the ones I got in evidence lock-up.
You traded police property? [CHUCKLING.]
Check out my jacket! They were vintage.
Smart, right? Genius! Why didn't I think of that? Because it's literally a crime.
Listen, from here on in, I want to do things by the book.
- What book? - The boring book of mundane deduction you and I are coauthoring about being normal detectives, Todd.
Panto Trost said he recognized the mural but couldn't tell us anything about it or how he got here.
Wendimoor, if it exists, is still, for the most part, out of our reach, and so we start with the facts, and the facts are the Cardenas family.
Tina, take out the file.
I want to look at evidence and draw conclusions, not rely on insane coincidences to shuffle me from catastrophe to catastrophe.
I'm doing something different.
I'm breaking the mold.
At this point in most of my cases, there's this tremendous amount of weird things all swirling around, and then, well people start dying.
Lots of lovely people very dead, as I continue to blunder aimlessly about saying, as Todd would have it, "stupid flighty bullshit.
" I would say that.
I do say things like that.
Yes, but not this time.
Okay, I'm liking this attitude.
You inspired it.
We've got to get ahead of the game.
We can't just keep expecting somebody to just walk up and say Excuse me.
- Yes? - I'm sorry.
Where did you get those pictures? Um, this is police business TINA: We were there.
We went in this house.
we found those bodies.
I knew this day would come.
These are my parents.
This house is where I was born.
You're telling me you went in there? The fences came down? Yes, but I've been avoiding this moment for 50 years.
It's destiny you came here today.
Shit.
Where are you from, Bart? What was life like for you before? I, uh I used to be a lot shorter.
When you were a child? Oh [LAUGHS.]
Hey, why are you in such a good mood now? Before, you were all doomy-gloomy "gimme a sandwich.
" What changed? I'm trying to keep perspective on my circumstances.
It's a matter of time, you see.
The Forest Witch said I'd find Dirk Gently, and I've found him.
He's discovered an image of my world, so perhaps the rest will fall into place soon, perhaps not.
You're not scared? Scared? Of course not.
I'm fearless.
My sister always says it's my worst quality.
You're not even scared of me? Where I'm from, I've seen monsters from the forest, evil knights, a deranged wizard.
Why would I be scared of a beautiful woman? [LAUGHS.]
AMANDA: Farson, how far are we? We're close.
Soon now we'll be safe.
Soon better be real soon, dude.
My friend is hurt, and those guys are still after us.
Do not worry, Amanda.
Once we reach the village of the Bofuki Nepoo, Wakti Wapnasi will explain everything.
She can protect us.
Where are we, boss? I don't know, Vogel.
Who were those guys in the cuckoo costumes? I told you, I don't know.
Hey, boss, who's Wakti Wapnasi? I don't know.
Okay? I don't know anything that's going on, all right? I don't know where we are, I don't know why this is happening, I don't know how I did the thing with the lightning.
You know, my life was really weird before, but this is just next level, so please do not ask me any more questions, because I don't have any answers! [WHIMPERING.]
Vogel, I'm sorry.
I just [BRANCHES SNAP.]
Farson? Hello? Aah! Oof! [VOICES TWITTERING.]
[BLOWS.]
That he could be the boy you're looking for? Farah said some of the height notches in the house were marked A.
C.
, and that's him, Arnold Cardenas.
[GASPS.]
Look! I ran his plates like a real cop.
He's been Arnold Freedman since '75.
No wonder we couldn't find him.
I totally thought you were playing a game.
- What? - Look at him.
He looks miserable.
We shouldn't have brought him here.
We should've waited, we should've just If we didn't come with, he would've come without us.
He wouldn't have come at all if I hadn't been there stupidly waving those photos around.
You insisted we go out for breakfast.
I didn't know it was going to be a clue! I can't control this at all! It's just like everything I do is just Dirk, slow down, man.
Be cool.
I don't want this situation to get abruptly monster-y, or scissor-y, or any of the other things situations have been getting lately.
I want this to be a relaxing stroll down memory lane that conveniently tells us everything we need to know, resolves all loose threads, and makes us all feel great about our choices in the most boring, uneventful way possible.
And he's going into the house.
Dirk, do you think there's a chance No, wait, Todd! Argh! How did this happen? Who tore down the wallpaper? We did.
It was an accident.
My father put the wallpaper up to cover this as punishment.
Do you know what this is? Of course.
Wendimoor.
This is the Valley of Inglenook.
And there, there's the pink-haired ones, the Trosts.
They were the farmers.
And the Dengdamors, they were, ooh the rich folk.
And then, in the woods, all kinds of monsters.
The rainbow monsters, the furry monsters, and then the old snail witch.
And look, there's The Mage.
He was the villain.
You see how he always loses? The hero defeats him, and he locks him in a train in the sky that goes round and round forever and ever.
This was the plan for how it was going to be.
Until it all fell apart.
Where is my mother? And papi? It's like water, you know? You let yourself sink in, you kind of float along, and it shows you what to do.
The universe shows you what to do? Where were you born? Who are your parents? Oh, I don't know, I don't remember.
They They died.
My childhood was kinder than yours.
I studied the sword, but between that, there was singing dancing.
Yeah, no dancing for me.
I was alone for a long time, and then these guys, they put me in this place, and they tried to get me to do stuff.
They don't get how I work.
You know, and those jerks, those are the same stupids that took my friend, Ken.
So I figure, I am just gonna sit here, and I ain't killing anybody.
I'm sorry your life has been hard, Bartine.
If this world has treated you badly, perhaps it's time to leave it.
You mean like, you'd let me come to Wendimoor? Not my choice to make.
But if the time comes, perhaps it can be yours.
FARAH: We need to question Scott Boreton.
It's It's a lot of moving pieces, and I-I'm getting overwhelmed.
I mean, we can agree that the Cardenas house is at the center of this, right? It's the key.
So why why why why can't we just focus on one weird thing at a time? Because everything is connected.
Because everything is connected, right, right.
Let's focus on Suzie Boreton.
Okay, Suzie said Scott was talking about people from a fairy tale.
That's Wendimoor.
That connects the Boretons to the Cardenas house.
So, what do we say? W-We say, "Sorry, Scott, your mom is suspected of" What? "Attacking a psycho with shapes? Turning people into dust?" If we can bring in Scott on suspicion of animal cruelty, Scott's a minor.
Legally, she'd have to come in.
Sound of Nothing is Southern Montana's third-largest music festival.
You know, finding Scott there will be like finding a needle in a haystack.
Oh, we just have to get Dirk there.
He collects needles in haystacks.
- He does, doesn't he? - [CELL PHONE VIBRATING.]
- Mm-hmm.
- Ms.
Black, I think you're You're ringing there.
I thought I was the one who was supposed to call you.
You have to come in.
Now.
Eddie, I told you, this is not up for discussion You were right, Farah.
Blackwing is active.
I've got sources telling me they've activated assets in Montana.
Eddie Okay, I need details You've been playing cops and robbers with freaks and crazy people too long.
This isn't what Dad would've wanted.
Farah? Farah! [FLIPS PHONE SHUT.]
[KAZOO SOUND.]
[HARMONICA SOUND.]
[XYLOPHONE SOUND.]
[KAZOO SOUND.]
[BEEPING.]
Hello? Are you a thing? "Are you a thing?" What a wonderful question.
Oh, I wonder what the answer is.
Are you a person in there? [CHUCKLES.]
First perhaps a thing, now possibly a person.
[KAZOO SOUND.]
Aw [XYLOPHONE SOUND.]
Where's my friend? His name is Vogel.
Don't worry, he's fine.
Okay.
Oh, how quickly things have been changing for you, Amanda Brotzman.
Is this like Is it gonna keep going like this? Tell me more about how it's going.
You know, I tried to roll with the punches, I did, but now this! [XYLOPHONE SOUND.]
It's ridiculous.
[HOOTING AND TOOTING.]
I brought you here for a reason, Amanda.
You're the voice.
You're the voice that I hear in my visions.
Surprise! [CHUCKLES.]
Am I dreaming? Perhaps I could say something to comfort you.
There's nothing you could possibly say that would do that.
Not even "everything is connected"? You people have no idea what you're dealing with! I should never have gone back! The '67 was my fault! It was an electromagnetic pulse.
How could that be your fault? Also, you would have been, like, 12.
I wish that boat had never fallen from the sky! Boat? Like The Infant, Male, Pollock, Francis? Wait, how have I not heard about this until now? A boat fell from the sky, and with a name like that? We're trying to help.
Strange things have been happening in this town, and we think they might be related - to your parents' deaths.
- It's impossible.
Now, why do you say that? Because everything strange stopped.
All the strange stuff is over! I saw to that! I ended it! Ended it? How? I'm sorry, Mr.
Cardenas, but whatever happened in that house isn't over.
Breathe.
Start simple.
How did the government get involved? There were sightings.
Things from the dreams.
At first, the things from the dreams were nice, they were gifts for our family, but then they got dangerous.
The air gun, and people saw the monster from the song flying around.
They thought it was an alien.
The monster from the song, Th-The Flying Purple People Eater from the house within a house.
That was another of the gifts, wasn't it? But But something ruined it.
Something with with overturned flowers, something with scissors, perhaps? You lie! You know what I did! You know what I did! I didn't have a choice! I didn't have a choice! I got it.
Okay.
I'll put him in the storage locker to cool off.
I got it.
I got it.
Put him in the storage locker to cool off.
- You okay? - No! Is everyone I attempt to help going to try to kill me, Todd? He clearly went through a traumatic experience.
- [SIGHS.]
- I know.
He wants to talk, otherwise he wouldn't have come in.
We'll let him sober up, and then Stay away from me.
TODD: Hobbs? Hobbs! This was supposed to be a toy.
TINA: Hobbs, what the hell It's not yours.
That thing they brought home from the boat wasn't human! It wasn't human! I did what I had to! Uh Whoa! You No, you're you're one of them.
That's not possible.
You You can't You can't exist! That's not possib [GASPING.]
- Mr.
Cardenas! - Arnold? TODD: Oh, my God! PANTO: What's wrong? What's happening to him? He's having a heart attack.
TINA: I got the gun! I did nothing.
So you know how my visions work? Mm-hmm.
Are you the one that causes them? No, no, no.
You see through your inner eye.
My inner eye? Seriously? Come on Answer a question who are you? Amanda Brotzman? That is just a noise people can make to refer to you.
You're not your name.
Who are you? I'm from Oregon? I, uh When I was 20, I-I had These are just things that happened to your body.
Who are you? [CHUCKLES.]
Um, when I think, I hear a voice in my head? I am the brain having those thoughts? If you're the one hearing the voice in your head, then who are you? I am the consciousness that controls the body of, sees through the eyes of, and hears the thoughts of Amanda Brotzman.
[TRILLING.]
[HOOTS AND TRILLS OF APPROVAL.]
[LAUGHING.]
That thing, your consciousness, is very special.
The visions that I see, they aren't me.
They're just something the Rowdy 3 do to me.
They give you access to something deeper.
Underneath your pain, your fear, even your thoughts, there is a power.
In a place like this, a person like you is very special.
With training, you can learn to see everything, go anywhere.
That is the gift hidden within you.
I'm just a person.
I'm just a sick person.
Mm You recognize this, don't you? It looks like my visions.
And perhaps, as a simple, sick person, you would like to know a little bit more? Hmm? [GASPS.]
MAGE: Nice-looking boy.
Leave Scott out of this.
If you wanted to protect him, perhaps you shouldn't have used him as bait.
You want me to get Dirk Gently, and I'm going to do that, okay? But there are going to be a lot of people at that concert.
What if somebody gets hurt? There must be a spell or something, some sort of peaceful way to deal with Aah! This is your test, Suzanne.
Dirk Gently is the only thing that stands between me and finally understanding the truth of the world that I we will soon control.
Abandon the rules of this world, Suzanne.
They've never helped you be happy.
It's time you showed the world your real power.
I better follow them, make sure he gets checked into the hospital - in Somerset.
- [SIREN WAILING.]
Plus, someone's going to need to swing by with the tow truck to pick up Arnold's car from the Cardenas place, so Oh, Hobbs, I-I didn't what about finding Scott at Sound of Nothing? You know, then it would just be me and everyone, and I don't think that I can do that T, T, T, you're gonna be fine, all right? I'll be back in a jiff.
Farah I am so sorry I messed this up.
I cannot believe I took him to evidence.
I just put the dang pop gun in there this morning.
You do know you're apologizing to someone wanted by the FBI, right? Just Just keep everyone safe tonight? Okay? Come here.
Yep, you're gonna be fine.
Okay.
You want us to go to a music festival? Shouldn't we just go to the hospital, or go back to the Cardenas house? There must have been something we missed there.
Or the boat, the boat in the field.
Scott Boreton.
Arrows point to him as potentially having concrete information.
Plus, less serious, less, like, stress, and we just, like, hang out.
I agree.
I like this.
Yes.
Very Farah.
Logic.
Deduction.
Tracking down a suspect, not just, "Duh! Pip cheerio, fabric of the universe, everything connect-o, duh!" Are you doing a sarcastic impression of yourself? What I am saying is, we followed the holistic road today already, Todd, and it ended up with a man dead.
He's not dead.
They said he had a minor heart attack.
He's very muchly more dead than he was when he woke up this morning.
He's, like, five-out-of-eight dead-ish.
Are you giving up on him? I thought you thought he was the boy? I thought I thought he could have been a the boy, but certainly not the the boy, considering he was an old man, did you not notice? Maybe Scott Boreton's the boy.
Maybe Scott Boreton is the boy.
TODD: We need to find where Wendimoor is.
Don't you think that Farah, are you seriously going along with this whole Scott thing? It's our only real lead.
[SIGHING.]
Fine.
But I'm not going to a concert dressed like a cop.
Yeah! [ALARM BLARING.]
[GASPS.]
[GASPING.]
Oh, that was weird, that hurt.
What did you see? I thought I saw one of my friends.
Why can't you just bring them through, like you did with me? My reach is very limited.
Your talent is greater.
You have an important role to play in things to come if you survive.
If I survive? I thought you could see the future.
Fate and chance are not mutually exclusive, and alongside them exists free will.
This is only your first step to something much greater, in this world and beyond.
[VOICES TRILLING.]
[GASPS.]
Oh! Aah! Whoa! Get your mitts off me, you doofy-faced creepazoids! Relax You're among friends, Sir Vogel.
These are the Bofuki Nepoo.
Where is Amanda? She's in with the Wood Witch, trying to find your friends.
Somethin' bad's coming.
Hey.
You know, that wasn't your fault.
What if he was the boy? What if he was the only person who could save my world? Can you speak to the universe, ask it why it's doing this? It don't work like that.
Hey [TURNS MUSIC PLAYER ON.]
What are you doing? You said when you was little you did the dancing, right? Was it like, uh Like this? I think it's time to go Whoo! Woop! [LAUGHING.]
No, not like that.
[LAUGHING.]
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING.]
What's up? Are you nervous? I mean, more nervous than usual? I've just got a lot on my mind.
I talked to my brother.
What, seriously? He thinks Blackwing might be onto us.
They might be in Montana.
Okay, don't tell Dirk.
He's already on edge.
It'll just freak him out even more.
You're not worried? It feels like we're close to Wendimoor.
That's what we have to focus on, right? Hey, at least we look cool.
Yeah.
What? For 1986, we look very cool.
Can I tell you a secret? I have never been to a concert before.
Is that a secret? Shut up.
There are a lot of people in there.
They just put this right on my head without even asking.
Nice hat.
Guys Come on, come on, come on.
I have an idea.
We split up, I use my thing Your badge? Right.
Todd and I go on stage, and check out the crowd from the front.
You and Dirk use his thing His innate connection to the fabric of reality.
Right, and you take it from the back.
Are you sure it's necessary to go on stage? Yes, very necessary, definitely necessary, and probably vital to the investigation.
[SCOFFS.]
Um yeah.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING.]
Dirk, are are you feeling anything yet? Not how it works.
Come on, Farah, you should know that by now.
Dirk, we're just We need to find Scott Boreton.
So focus! Focus? There are teens sweating on me, real teens! This This music sounds like robots being tortured by monkeys! I am never going to find Scott Boreton in this mayhem! Sound of Nothing, my name is Scott Boreton Hey, watch it, man, I'm trying to take a video! Oh, this is just stupid now.
Nice work, Dirk.
I'll take that.
Scott Boreton.
What? Bergsberg County Police Department.
We'd like to have a word with you.
Uh, o-okay, I-I don't know anything about that weird guy who got hit by the car.
Okay, let's just have a word outside.
- Don't touch me! - Okay! Hey! Get back here! - You - Hey Farah? Grab your weapons! Grab your weapons! [BOFUKI NEPOO SQUEAKING.]
What is that? The Kellum Knights.
Men of The Mage.
You could defeat them, Amanda.
I don't know how to have one of those magical seizure things again.
I can't fight them.
Then reach across reality, find someone who can.
Agh! Have you seen Scott yet? Uh, no, not yet.
Turn around.
Look! They found him.
Get out of the way! Scott! Stop! Wait! That's Suzie Boreton.
She looks different.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING.]
[WHIMPERS.]
Farah? TODD: Shit, looks like she's headed for Dirk.
Is that the wand thing? She's magic! She's the dangerous one, not Scott! Dirk! Dirk! Dirk! Dirk! Dirk! Farah! Idiots! Back off! MAN: Here is the man you've been waiting for, DJ Applesauce! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Yeah! I need a calm spell! I need to place a peace spell! Wenefria! No! [MURMURING.]
My hands feel amazing.
Aah! No! No! No! WOMAN: Isn't it crazy? It's totally perfect.
No! No! No MAN: The lights look like heaven! - Dirk! - Todd! Dirk, you need to know, you changed my life.
You showed me everything I'd been doing wrong! I didn't believe in anything, and my life felt so small, and I treated other people like they were small, too.
That's bad! That's lame! That's over! We went back in time, man! - Remember? - [GIGGLING.]
I believe Wendimoor is real! We're gonna find the boy and find Amanda, and we're gonna be best friends forever! Todd, you saying this to me is the single most important thing that has ever happened in my entire life.
You are the first person I've ever met who actually wanted me around! - I didn't at first.
- Not at first.
- But I caught on, I evolved! - Yes! Yes! But, listen, Todd, I think something's been done to us, possibly supernatural, and it is great! [BOTH LAUGHING.]
FARAH: Todd! Hi! Hey, Dirk! - Farah! - Hey! Oh My dad died! What? A-Are you I-I-I'm okay! I mean, he he was sick for years, and he hated me! Yeah! I don't know, he just he always made me feel like I was such a disappointment, you know? Like I was never good enough, but I know that that's bullshit now, you know? That's not real! And Oh, Todd, remember that time we were making out behind that restaurant in Nevada, like, three weeks ago, and You guys made out? It's been two months, Dirk.
We're adults.
- Dirk, we're adults! - Yeah.
I-I-I just wanted you to know that that was the moment that I knew, I knew I didn't need Eddie or anyone, because I'm not like them.
This is where I'm supposed to be! I mean, I'm I'm one of the freaks! Yes! Yes! I love yelling "Yes!" I want to [BLEEP.]
everybody here! [SQUEALS.]
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING.]
[LAUGHING.]
[LAUGHING.]
Don't give up.
I found them.
We will share this moment and enrich our lives [GRUNTS.]
I can't! Help me! Alive Alive [SNARLS.]
Alive Yo.
Aw, yeah! [HOWLING AND GROWLING.]
Alive Alive I don't understand.
Who made this? It wasn't supposed to be like this.
This is all a mistake.
Tina I've been trying to reach you all night, and I know you charged your phone this time.
I saw you plug it in.
So, listen, I'd like to set up some sort of meet up, because, um [VEHICLE APPROACHING.]
Wait Wait, wait, wait, wait.
What in the heck? I'll call you back.
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
The hell? Uh Bob? [GROWLING.]
Where's the truck, Bob? What's happening here? [GROWLING.]
Poor Sheriff Hobbs I'm afraid you've caught me at a very bad time.
HOBBS: Aah!
DIRK: The Cardenases had a child, and that child could have been the boy.
- What is this? - Home.
[GUNFIRE.]
[SCREAMING.]
Yeah, they vanished.
We're somewhere else.
Get off of me, asshole! My name is Farson Dengdamor.
I'm not a witchakookoo.
I am a frickin' person! [SCREAMS.]
PRIEST: Don't get that close to Project Incubus without stunning them, especially if you're gonna starve them out.
You said you'd get me tickets to Sound of Nothing! And by Sound of Nothing, you mean It's a music festival.
PANTO: That once the great dark wizard found his apprentice, no one in Wendimoor could defeat him.
I need you to kill Dirk Gently.
WOMAN: Once upon a time, a boat in a field, a married couple gone missing, a gun that shoots air and then there's a hidden house, a prophecy from another world.
Surely these pieces don't fit.
Left unwatered, a plant will die.
Left unloved, a good child could go bad.
Left untended, a dream could become a nightmare.
[SQUEAKS.]
MARTIN: Gripps? Cross? You boys still exist? - CROSS: No.
- [COUGHS.]
I stopped existing a long time ago.
It made my legs sore.
[LAUGHS.]
How long we been in here, man? 7,776,000 seconds.
How many days is that? How many seconds in a day? Not gonna lie to you, boys.
This sucks.
[LAUGHS.]
- Martin? - Yeah? How long can we go without energy, man? [SIGHS.]
Keep your eyes open.
Suzie Boreton hasn't been this hard to get a hold of by accident.
Yeah, okay.
You know, Suzie Boreton's always been a little bit of an odd duck.
Do you really think she's part of this? I mean, do you think she's, like, um, dangerous? I just don't know that she's not dangerous.
Her old boss is still missing, plus the four women from the book club.
We don't have enough to arrest her, but What are you doing? I almost, uh forgot the dang thing.
There.
There it is.
I can't let this go on any longer, not not if we're questioning a suspect.
What are you doing? Farah Adrienne Black, in accordance with Montana state law via posse comitatus code OCGA 17-4-24, I hereby deputize you into the service of the Bergsberg County Sheriff's Department.
Is this for real? Yeah.
Any able-bodied person is subject to deputization by the by, uh, the local Are you Are you okay? [SOBBING.]
Yeah, I just I've wanted to work in law enforcement my entire life, and there it is.
Yeah, well.
You know, I feel like you're more of a cop than I've ever been, and you know, you deserve it.
Oh.
Thanks, Sherlock.
My pleasure, Deputy Black.
Okay.
Well, then, yesterday, I spent the majority of the day out, so I wasn't here when you came by.
I didn't say we came by, Suzie.
What's your name again? Farah Black.
How did you know we were here? Well, Sarah, I'm clearly confused.
- Farah.
- Hmm? So, where's Bob? Poor goof has been sick for a week, dosed up to his eyebrows on flu medication.
Plus he bumped his dang head somehow.
Don't know how it happened.
You know, there was some damage to the outside of the house, too.
I was actually thinking of calling you, Sheriff.
Oh, yeah? So you didn't make it to this week's book club? Book club? Nope.
I haven't been for ages.
They actually stopped inviting me - after the accident.
- HOBBS: Oh.
Just the way people are these days, I suppose.
Yeah.
Yeah, I suppose they are.
Where's the dog? What? The dog.
Bob's dog, Agrajag.
Where is it? Oh, gosh, you found me out! I knew you were gonna ask! Jeez, is everything, uh Yeah, I just Scott killed him.
Ran him over with his dang car.
[WHISPERING.]
I don't think it was an accident, and I don't know what to do.
You know, Bob's out of commission, so I've just been dealing with this all by myself, and Scott has been acting so strange the past couple days, talking about all this weird stuff, people from another world, some sort of fairy tale.
I don't know what to do.
I think he's having some kind of psychiatric breakdown.
We need to talk to Scott.
You do.
Somebody has to, because I don't want to be one of those parents who's left wishing they spoke up when their child goes and does something terrible.
Where can we find him? He's not answering his phone, but, um I know where he'll be tonight.
Him and his little friends are going to some music thing, they wanted to see someone Applesauce? Billy Applesauce? We could go there, try to have a word, but, man, it is big.
It's crowded.
Well, if Scott's there, and he's connected, Dirk will find him.
Why are we getting breakfast? Shouldn't we be investigating something? I mean, I love breakfast, big fan, but This is how it works.
We go where Dirk takes us.
Okay, back to business.
Did you just change? No, Todd, it's still me.
Though my clothes are different.
I traded these for the ones I got in evidence lock-up.
You traded police property? [CHUCKLING.]
Check out my jacket! They were vintage.
Smart, right? Genius! Why didn't I think of that? Because it's literally a crime.
Listen, from here on in, I want to do things by the book.
- What book? - The boring book of mundane deduction you and I are coauthoring about being normal detectives, Todd.
Panto Trost said he recognized the mural but couldn't tell us anything about it or how he got here.
Wendimoor, if it exists, is still, for the most part, out of our reach, and so we start with the facts, and the facts are the Cardenas family.
Tina, take out the file.
I want to look at evidence and draw conclusions, not rely on insane coincidences to shuffle me from catastrophe to catastrophe.
I'm doing something different.
I'm breaking the mold.
At this point in most of my cases, there's this tremendous amount of weird things all swirling around, and then, well people start dying.
Lots of lovely people very dead, as I continue to blunder aimlessly about saying, as Todd would have it, "stupid flighty bullshit.
" I would say that.
I do say things like that.
Yes, but not this time.
Okay, I'm liking this attitude.
You inspired it.
We've got to get ahead of the game.
We can't just keep expecting somebody to just walk up and say Excuse me.
- Yes? - I'm sorry.
Where did you get those pictures? Um, this is police business TINA: We were there.
We went in this house.
we found those bodies.
I knew this day would come.
These are my parents.
This house is where I was born.
You're telling me you went in there? The fences came down? Yes, but I've been avoiding this moment for 50 years.
It's destiny you came here today.
Shit.
Where are you from, Bart? What was life like for you before? I, uh I used to be a lot shorter.
When you were a child? Oh [LAUGHS.]
Hey, why are you in such a good mood now? Before, you were all doomy-gloomy "gimme a sandwich.
" What changed? I'm trying to keep perspective on my circumstances.
It's a matter of time, you see.
The Forest Witch said I'd find Dirk Gently, and I've found him.
He's discovered an image of my world, so perhaps the rest will fall into place soon, perhaps not.
You're not scared? Scared? Of course not.
I'm fearless.
My sister always says it's my worst quality.
You're not even scared of me? Where I'm from, I've seen monsters from the forest, evil knights, a deranged wizard.
Why would I be scared of a beautiful woman? [LAUGHS.]
AMANDA: Farson, how far are we? We're close.
Soon now we'll be safe.
Soon better be real soon, dude.
My friend is hurt, and those guys are still after us.
Do not worry, Amanda.
Once we reach the village of the Bofuki Nepoo, Wakti Wapnasi will explain everything.
She can protect us.
Where are we, boss? I don't know, Vogel.
Who were those guys in the cuckoo costumes? I told you, I don't know.
Hey, boss, who's Wakti Wapnasi? I don't know.
Okay? I don't know anything that's going on, all right? I don't know where we are, I don't know why this is happening, I don't know how I did the thing with the lightning.
You know, my life was really weird before, but this is just next level, so please do not ask me any more questions, because I don't have any answers! [WHIMPERING.]
Vogel, I'm sorry.
I just [BRANCHES SNAP.]
Farson? Hello? Aah! Oof! [VOICES TWITTERING.]
[BLOWS.]
That he could be the boy you're looking for? Farah said some of the height notches in the house were marked A.
C.
, and that's him, Arnold Cardenas.
[GASPS.]
Look! I ran his plates like a real cop.
He's been Arnold Freedman since '75.
No wonder we couldn't find him.
I totally thought you were playing a game.
- What? - Look at him.
He looks miserable.
We shouldn't have brought him here.
We should've waited, we should've just If we didn't come with, he would've come without us.
He wouldn't have come at all if I hadn't been there stupidly waving those photos around.
You insisted we go out for breakfast.
I didn't know it was going to be a clue! I can't control this at all! It's just like everything I do is just Dirk, slow down, man.
Be cool.
I don't want this situation to get abruptly monster-y, or scissor-y, or any of the other things situations have been getting lately.
I want this to be a relaxing stroll down memory lane that conveniently tells us everything we need to know, resolves all loose threads, and makes us all feel great about our choices in the most boring, uneventful way possible.
And he's going into the house.
Dirk, do you think there's a chance No, wait, Todd! Argh! How did this happen? Who tore down the wallpaper? We did.
It was an accident.
My father put the wallpaper up to cover this as punishment.
Do you know what this is? Of course.
Wendimoor.
This is the Valley of Inglenook.
And there, there's the pink-haired ones, the Trosts.
They were the farmers.
And the Dengdamors, they were, ooh the rich folk.
And then, in the woods, all kinds of monsters.
The rainbow monsters, the furry monsters, and then the old snail witch.
And look, there's The Mage.
He was the villain.
You see how he always loses? The hero defeats him, and he locks him in a train in the sky that goes round and round forever and ever.
This was the plan for how it was going to be.
Until it all fell apart.
Where is my mother? And papi? It's like water, you know? You let yourself sink in, you kind of float along, and it shows you what to do.
The universe shows you what to do? Where were you born? Who are your parents? Oh, I don't know, I don't remember.
They They died.
My childhood was kinder than yours.
I studied the sword, but between that, there was singing dancing.
Yeah, no dancing for me.
I was alone for a long time, and then these guys, they put me in this place, and they tried to get me to do stuff.
They don't get how I work.
You know, and those jerks, those are the same stupids that took my friend, Ken.
So I figure, I am just gonna sit here, and I ain't killing anybody.
I'm sorry your life has been hard, Bartine.
If this world has treated you badly, perhaps it's time to leave it.
You mean like, you'd let me come to Wendimoor? Not my choice to make.
But if the time comes, perhaps it can be yours.
FARAH: We need to question Scott Boreton.
It's It's a lot of moving pieces, and I-I'm getting overwhelmed.
I mean, we can agree that the Cardenas house is at the center of this, right? It's the key.
So why why why why can't we just focus on one weird thing at a time? Because everything is connected.
Because everything is connected, right, right.
Let's focus on Suzie Boreton.
Okay, Suzie said Scott was talking about people from a fairy tale.
That's Wendimoor.
That connects the Boretons to the Cardenas house.
So, what do we say? W-We say, "Sorry, Scott, your mom is suspected of" What? "Attacking a psycho with shapes? Turning people into dust?" If we can bring in Scott on suspicion of animal cruelty, Scott's a minor.
Legally, she'd have to come in.
Sound of Nothing is Southern Montana's third-largest music festival.
You know, finding Scott there will be like finding a needle in a haystack.
Oh, we just have to get Dirk there.
He collects needles in haystacks.
- He does, doesn't he? - [CELL PHONE VIBRATING.]
- Mm-hmm.
- Ms.
Black, I think you're You're ringing there.
I thought I was the one who was supposed to call you.
You have to come in.
Now.
Eddie, I told you, this is not up for discussion You were right, Farah.
Blackwing is active.
I've got sources telling me they've activated assets in Montana.
Eddie Okay, I need details You've been playing cops and robbers with freaks and crazy people too long.
This isn't what Dad would've wanted.
Farah? Farah! [FLIPS PHONE SHUT.]
[KAZOO SOUND.]
[HARMONICA SOUND.]
[XYLOPHONE SOUND.]
[KAZOO SOUND.]
[BEEPING.]
Hello? Are you a thing? "Are you a thing?" What a wonderful question.
Oh, I wonder what the answer is.
Are you a person in there? [CHUCKLES.]
First perhaps a thing, now possibly a person.
[KAZOO SOUND.]
Aw [XYLOPHONE SOUND.]
Where's my friend? His name is Vogel.
Don't worry, he's fine.
Okay.
Oh, how quickly things have been changing for you, Amanda Brotzman.
Is this like Is it gonna keep going like this? Tell me more about how it's going.
You know, I tried to roll with the punches, I did, but now this! [XYLOPHONE SOUND.]
It's ridiculous.
[HOOTING AND TOOTING.]
I brought you here for a reason, Amanda.
You're the voice.
You're the voice that I hear in my visions.
Surprise! [CHUCKLES.]
Am I dreaming? Perhaps I could say something to comfort you.
There's nothing you could possibly say that would do that.
Not even "everything is connected"? You people have no idea what you're dealing with! I should never have gone back! The '67 was my fault! It was an electromagnetic pulse.
How could that be your fault? Also, you would have been, like, 12.
I wish that boat had never fallen from the sky! Boat? Like The Infant, Male, Pollock, Francis? Wait, how have I not heard about this until now? A boat fell from the sky, and with a name like that? We're trying to help.
Strange things have been happening in this town, and we think they might be related - to your parents' deaths.
- It's impossible.
Now, why do you say that? Because everything strange stopped.
All the strange stuff is over! I saw to that! I ended it! Ended it? How? I'm sorry, Mr.
Cardenas, but whatever happened in that house isn't over.
Breathe.
Start simple.
How did the government get involved? There were sightings.
Things from the dreams.
At first, the things from the dreams were nice, they were gifts for our family, but then they got dangerous.
The air gun, and people saw the monster from the song flying around.
They thought it was an alien.
The monster from the song, Th-The Flying Purple People Eater from the house within a house.
That was another of the gifts, wasn't it? But But something ruined it.
Something with with overturned flowers, something with scissors, perhaps? You lie! You know what I did! You know what I did! I didn't have a choice! I didn't have a choice! I got it.
Okay.
I'll put him in the storage locker to cool off.
I got it.
I got it.
Put him in the storage locker to cool off.
- You okay? - No! Is everyone I attempt to help going to try to kill me, Todd? He clearly went through a traumatic experience.
- [SIGHS.]
- I know.
He wants to talk, otherwise he wouldn't have come in.
We'll let him sober up, and then Stay away from me.
TODD: Hobbs? Hobbs! This was supposed to be a toy.
TINA: Hobbs, what the hell It's not yours.
That thing they brought home from the boat wasn't human! It wasn't human! I did what I had to! Uh Whoa! You No, you're you're one of them.
That's not possible.
You You can't You can't exist! That's not possib [GASPING.]
- Mr.
Cardenas! - Arnold? TODD: Oh, my God! PANTO: What's wrong? What's happening to him? He's having a heart attack.
TINA: I got the gun! I did nothing.
So you know how my visions work? Mm-hmm.
Are you the one that causes them? No, no, no.
You see through your inner eye.
My inner eye? Seriously? Come on Answer a question who are you? Amanda Brotzman? That is just a noise people can make to refer to you.
You're not your name.
Who are you? I'm from Oregon? I, uh When I was 20, I-I had These are just things that happened to your body.
Who are you? [CHUCKLES.]
Um, when I think, I hear a voice in my head? I am the brain having those thoughts? If you're the one hearing the voice in your head, then who are you? I am the consciousness that controls the body of, sees through the eyes of, and hears the thoughts of Amanda Brotzman.
[TRILLING.]
[HOOTS AND TRILLS OF APPROVAL.]
[LAUGHING.]
That thing, your consciousness, is very special.
The visions that I see, they aren't me.
They're just something the Rowdy 3 do to me.
They give you access to something deeper.
Underneath your pain, your fear, even your thoughts, there is a power.
In a place like this, a person like you is very special.
With training, you can learn to see everything, go anywhere.
That is the gift hidden within you.
I'm just a person.
I'm just a sick person.
Mm You recognize this, don't you? It looks like my visions.
And perhaps, as a simple, sick person, you would like to know a little bit more? Hmm? [GASPS.]
MAGE: Nice-looking boy.
Leave Scott out of this.
If you wanted to protect him, perhaps you shouldn't have used him as bait.
You want me to get Dirk Gently, and I'm going to do that, okay? But there are going to be a lot of people at that concert.
What if somebody gets hurt? There must be a spell or something, some sort of peaceful way to deal with Aah! This is your test, Suzanne.
Dirk Gently is the only thing that stands between me and finally understanding the truth of the world that I we will soon control.
Abandon the rules of this world, Suzanne.
They've never helped you be happy.
It's time you showed the world your real power.
I better follow them, make sure he gets checked into the hospital - in Somerset.
- [SIREN WAILING.]
Plus, someone's going to need to swing by with the tow truck to pick up Arnold's car from the Cardenas place, so Oh, Hobbs, I-I didn't what about finding Scott at Sound of Nothing? You know, then it would just be me and everyone, and I don't think that I can do that T, T, T, you're gonna be fine, all right? I'll be back in a jiff.
Farah I am so sorry I messed this up.
I cannot believe I took him to evidence.
I just put the dang pop gun in there this morning.
You do know you're apologizing to someone wanted by the FBI, right? Just Just keep everyone safe tonight? Okay? Come here.
Yep, you're gonna be fine.
Okay.
You want us to go to a music festival? Shouldn't we just go to the hospital, or go back to the Cardenas house? There must have been something we missed there.
Or the boat, the boat in the field.
Scott Boreton.
Arrows point to him as potentially having concrete information.
Plus, less serious, less, like, stress, and we just, like, hang out.
I agree.
I like this.
Yes.
Very Farah.
Logic.
Deduction.
Tracking down a suspect, not just, "Duh! Pip cheerio, fabric of the universe, everything connect-o, duh!" Are you doing a sarcastic impression of yourself? What I am saying is, we followed the holistic road today already, Todd, and it ended up with a man dead.
He's not dead.
They said he had a minor heart attack.
He's very muchly more dead than he was when he woke up this morning.
He's, like, five-out-of-eight dead-ish.
Are you giving up on him? I thought you thought he was the boy? I thought I thought he could have been a the boy, but certainly not the the boy, considering he was an old man, did you not notice? Maybe Scott Boreton's the boy.
Maybe Scott Boreton is the boy.
TODD: We need to find where Wendimoor is.
Don't you think that Farah, are you seriously going along with this whole Scott thing? It's our only real lead.
[SIGHING.]
Fine.
But I'm not going to a concert dressed like a cop.
Yeah! [ALARM BLARING.]
[GASPS.]
[GASPING.]
Oh, that was weird, that hurt.
What did you see? I thought I saw one of my friends.
Why can't you just bring them through, like you did with me? My reach is very limited.
Your talent is greater.
You have an important role to play in things to come if you survive.
If I survive? I thought you could see the future.
Fate and chance are not mutually exclusive, and alongside them exists free will.
This is only your first step to something much greater, in this world and beyond.
[VOICES TRILLING.]
[GASPS.]
Oh! Aah! Whoa! Get your mitts off me, you doofy-faced creepazoids! Relax You're among friends, Sir Vogel.
These are the Bofuki Nepoo.
Where is Amanda? She's in with the Wood Witch, trying to find your friends.
Somethin' bad's coming.
Hey.
You know, that wasn't your fault.
What if he was the boy? What if he was the only person who could save my world? Can you speak to the universe, ask it why it's doing this? It don't work like that.
Hey [TURNS MUSIC PLAYER ON.]
What are you doing? You said when you was little you did the dancing, right? Was it like, uh Like this? I think it's time to go Whoo! Woop! [LAUGHING.]
No, not like that.
[LAUGHING.]
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING.]
What's up? Are you nervous? I mean, more nervous than usual? I've just got a lot on my mind.
I talked to my brother.
What, seriously? He thinks Blackwing might be onto us.
They might be in Montana.
Okay, don't tell Dirk.
He's already on edge.
It'll just freak him out even more.
You're not worried? It feels like we're close to Wendimoor.
That's what we have to focus on, right? Hey, at least we look cool.
Yeah.
What? For 1986, we look very cool.
Can I tell you a secret? I have never been to a concert before.
Is that a secret? Shut up.
There are a lot of people in there.
They just put this right on my head without even asking.
Nice hat.
Guys Come on, come on, come on.
I have an idea.
We split up, I use my thing Your badge? Right.
Todd and I go on stage, and check out the crowd from the front.
You and Dirk use his thing His innate connection to the fabric of reality.
Right, and you take it from the back.
Are you sure it's necessary to go on stage? Yes, very necessary, definitely necessary, and probably vital to the investigation.
[SCOFFS.]
Um yeah.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING.]
Dirk, are are you feeling anything yet? Not how it works.
Come on, Farah, you should know that by now.
Dirk, we're just We need to find Scott Boreton.
So focus! Focus? There are teens sweating on me, real teens! This This music sounds like robots being tortured by monkeys! I am never going to find Scott Boreton in this mayhem! Sound of Nothing, my name is Scott Boreton Hey, watch it, man, I'm trying to take a video! Oh, this is just stupid now.
Nice work, Dirk.
I'll take that.
Scott Boreton.
What? Bergsberg County Police Department.
We'd like to have a word with you.
Uh, o-okay, I-I don't know anything about that weird guy who got hit by the car.
Okay, let's just have a word outside.
- Don't touch me! - Okay! Hey! Get back here! - You - Hey Farah? Grab your weapons! Grab your weapons! [BOFUKI NEPOO SQUEAKING.]
What is that? The Kellum Knights.
Men of The Mage.
You could defeat them, Amanda.
I don't know how to have one of those magical seizure things again.
I can't fight them.
Then reach across reality, find someone who can.
Agh! Have you seen Scott yet? Uh, no, not yet.
Turn around.
Look! They found him.
Get out of the way! Scott! Stop! Wait! That's Suzie Boreton.
She looks different.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING.]
[WHIMPERS.]
Farah? TODD: Shit, looks like she's headed for Dirk.
Is that the wand thing? She's magic! She's the dangerous one, not Scott! Dirk! Dirk! Dirk! Dirk! Dirk! Farah! Idiots! Back off! MAN: Here is the man you've been waiting for, DJ Applesauce! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Yeah! I need a calm spell! I need to place a peace spell! Wenefria! No! [MURMURING.]
My hands feel amazing.
Aah! No! No! No! WOMAN: Isn't it crazy? It's totally perfect.
No! No! No MAN: The lights look like heaven! - Dirk! - Todd! Dirk, you need to know, you changed my life.
You showed me everything I'd been doing wrong! I didn't believe in anything, and my life felt so small, and I treated other people like they were small, too.
That's bad! That's lame! That's over! We went back in time, man! - Remember? - [GIGGLING.]
I believe Wendimoor is real! We're gonna find the boy and find Amanda, and we're gonna be best friends forever! Todd, you saying this to me is the single most important thing that has ever happened in my entire life.
You are the first person I've ever met who actually wanted me around! - I didn't at first.
- Not at first.
- But I caught on, I evolved! - Yes! Yes! But, listen, Todd, I think something's been done to us, possibly supernatural, and it is great! [BOTH LAUGHING.]
FARAH: Todd! Hi! Hey, Dirk! - Farah! - Hey! Oh My dad died! What? A-Are you I-I-I'm okay! I mean, he he was sick for years, and he hated me! Yeah! I don't know, he just he always made me feel like I was such a disappointment, you know? Like I was never good enough, but I know that that's bullshit now, you know? That's not real! And Oh, Todd, remember that time we were making out behind that restaurant in Nevada, like, three weeks ago, and You guys made out? It's been two months, Dirk.
We're adults.
- Dirk, we're adults! - Yeah.
I-I-I just wanted you to know that that was the moment that I knew, I knew I didn't need Eddie or anyone, because I'm not like them.
This is where I'm supposed to be! I mean, I'm I'm one of the freaks! Yes! Yes! I love yelling "Yes!" I want to [BLEEP.]
everybody here! [SQUEALS.]
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING.]
[LAUGHING.]
[LAUGHING.]
Don't give up.
I found them.
We will share this moment and enrich our lives [GRUNTS.]
I can't! Help me! Alive Alive [SNARLS.]
Alive Yo.
Aw, yeah! [HOWLING AND GROWLING.]
Alive Alive I don't understand.
Who made this? It wasn't supposed to be like this.
This is all a mistake.
Tina I've been trying to reach you all night, and I know you charged your phone this time.
I saw you plug it in.
So, listen, I'd like to set up some sort of meet up, because, um [VEHICLE APPROACHING.]
Wait Wait, wait, wait, wait.
What in the heck? I'll call you back.
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
The hell? Uh Bob? [GROWLING.]
Where's the truck, Bob? What's happening here? [GROWLING.]
Poor Sheriff Hobbs I'm afraid you've caught me at a very bad time.
HOBBS: Aah!