Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (2016) s02e07 Episode Script
This Is Not Miami
1 DIRK: Previously on "Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency" A boat fell from the sky, and how have I not heard about this until now? Todd! TODD: I think Amanda's in Wendimoor.
Make it your reality.
Argh! I am a freakin' witchakookoo! MAN: Lord Triangle Badevil, hail to the Mage.
I've come for the Dengdamor boy.
We don't know that Farson is dead, mother.
Burn down the entire Trost farmland.
We don't know that this was the Dengdamors.
We don't know that Panto is dead.
Death to the Dengdamors! The man who could save my family, my world, is Dirk Gently.
I've finished the case.
I've found the boy.
Prophecy fulfilled! SUZIE: The boy is dead! Send me to Wendimoor.
We failed the case.
There's nowhere to go.
It's all pointless, isn't it? PRIEST: I'm with an agency called Blackwing.
The portal to Wendimoor is in here somewhere.
Oh, my God.
The bed has to be closed! [BIRDS CHIRPING.]
[ROOSTER CROWS.]
[FLIES BUZZING.]
Oh, my God.
Not again Marina! Marina! Marina! Marina! He's having a nightmare! [MONSTER SNARLING, MARINA SCREAMS.]
Tell him to get rid of it! Tell him now! [WHISPERING.]
Make it go away! Or dream it into something nice.
Die, you son of a [GASPS.]
[ROARING.]
Make it go away! One-eyed, one-horned flying Purple People Eater [ROARING.]
[SILENCE.]
[DISTANT ROAR.]
[RASPY MUTTERING.]
[RUMBLING AND BUBBLING.]
Shakes and rumble! Afeared! [BOTH SCREAMING.]
Ha! Ha-ha! What? Are we We're not dead.
I don't think we're dead.
I can't believe that worked! Dirk, are you okay? Define "okay.
" Oh Holy shit! Dirk! We're in Wendimoor! This is incredible! It's not Wendimoor.
What? Yes, it is.
Why? It was a portal, Todd, we could be anywhere.
This could be Miami, for all you know.
There's a giant magical moon in the sky.
Do you see the giant magical moon? This is not Miami! Stop yelling about Miami, Todd.
What other kind of castle-y fairyland could this possibly be? You're jumping to extra-dimensional conclusions.
I'm jumping You went from Blackwing to the trunk of a car in Bergsberg Again, domestic travel.
Oh, my God, dude, we are in another dimension.
Let's go.
If this is Miami, I'll buy you whatever drink they're known for.
Where exactly do you think you're going, Todd? What, pray tell, is your plan? The boy is dead.
I was to find the boy, and I did, and I got him killed.
Along with all those people at the hospital.
That wasn't your fault.
Suzie Boreton was looking for me.
If I hadn't been there, no one would've been hurt.
You don't know that.
Same with Blackwing.
They're hunting me, and that man, Mr.
Priest, I've met him before, Todd.
He kills people.
And we've had to leave Farah behind.
Who knows what'll happen.
- Farah will be fine.
- But what if she's not? What if we lose her and Tina, like Hobbs? You know, you're so obsessed with finding your sister you are ignoring the obvious facts right in front of you.
And what are those? That all of this is my fault.
Every move I make puts people in danger.
Look, I get it.
I'm scared, too.
I never said "scared.
" I said I get people killed, I leave a trail of dead people.
The case is over.
The boy is dead.
What if Arnold isn't the boy? What if the boy is here in Wendimoor? You have to keep trying, Dirk.
Without the boy, this whole world falls apart, and we're currently in it, so Look, hey, what if I'm the boy? [GROANS.]
You're not the boy.
You're just a guy named Todd whose life I ruined.
Can't you see it's all nonsense? I have no clue what's going on.
What the hell does a Purple People Eater have to do with an evil wizard, and what has any of that got to do with Mona Wilder? How am I supposed to put that together? How am I supposed to bring the boy to Wendimoor if I'm already in Wendimoor? I thought you said this was Miami.
I have blown this, like I blow everything! Wrong, wrong, wrong! And then I end up alone! Ha! I quit.
W You what? [LAUGHS.]
I quit being a detective.
Ha! Ahh.
You know, I'm just going to sit right here and do nothing else.
I will not be a participant in any more In any I can't do anymore.
You know what, Dirk? I put finding my sister on hold because you promised me solving your case would get us to her.
And you were right, by the way.
She's out there somewhere! This will all connect, I truly believe that.
Friendship isn't just about someone being there for you.
It about you being there for them, too.
I'm sorry they didn't teach you that at Blackwing, but you need to stand up, and let's go.
I am sick of pep-talking you into your own bullshit.
For once in my life, I don't quit.
I'll solve this one on my own.
I can't do anything right.
You there! Uh I beg your pardon? What? Yaah! [SCREAM.]
[GASPS.]
Argh! [GASPING.]
What did you see? Just more death.
The families the Dengdamors, the Trosts they're killing each other.
We have to do something.
Amanda, listen, what you see is just one possible future.
I saw Farson's family dying.
You don't even care about that? There are greater things to fear than death.
I don't get you.
You talk about this world like it doesn't matter.
If the boy returns, then he will repair everything that has gone wrong.
If he does not, then then we will all die.
You and your friends can leave at any time.
You think I'm just gonna leave you and everyone here to die and just go back home and pretend like everything's fine? Who do you think I am? - Listen to me - No, you listen to me, Wakti.
We can help people.
I can fix this.
Wendimoor is just a small piece of something bigger.
There is a war coming in your world, a war for all reality, between order and chaos.
People like you, the ones connected to something deeper, must unite.
You are the one who will unite them.
Okay, I appreciate everything you have done for me, but I'll come back.
Okay? I just can't let people die.
[INHALES SHARPLY.]
Amanda when you return to your world, you must gather the tools.
The universe is broken, and only you can fix it.
Hey, Farson.
Let's go.
You're going home, like, now.
No, no, no, I ran away for a reason.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, listen, you running away made things worse.
You were right about The Mage.
There's an army coming.
You have powers.
Why don't you go stop the army? 'Cause, low-key, I suck with my powers.
"Low-key"? What's that? Farson, let's not get wrapped up with the wording here.
I see death.
Lots of it.
I know that you don't like what's going on with your family, but you can't just run away forever.
It's easy to just hide out and hope that your problems will go away.
I for sure get that impulse.
But then that gives your problem all of the power.
You know what I mean? If you don't let me take you home, I think something really bad will happen.
FRIJA: Family is the most important thing we have, and this family is under siege by the Trosts.
They kidnapped and murdered my son, Farson, just the most recent in this decades-long conflict where we have all, all of us, lost loyal allies and friends.
So, the Dengdamors will do what we have done for three generations.
[MURMURING.]
We will stand our ground in defense of this magnificent place.
We will not be scared away by mud-flinging peasants! CROWD: No! We will protect our own! Yes! Gather our finest warriors! - Yes! - Death to the Trosts! [CHEERING.]
What now, Silas? I'm sending a message to Litzibitz Trost.
I need to warn her and her family if an attack is coming.
Silas I swore to your father that I would protect you.
I love you like me own son, but this this this be too much.
You betray your family.
Panto told me the Trosts didn't take Farson, much less kill him.
He must be out there somewhere.
My mother won't listen.
It's up to me to make this right.
[WINGS FLAPPING, PARROT SQUAWKS.]
This is our only hope now.
Unless the prophecy is fulfilled.
Prophecy? You trust that Forest Witch over your own mother? Come on, now, Silas, wake up from this dream.
What about Panto? What if he finds Dirk Gently? What if he brings Your boy Panto has been gone for days now.
You must come alive to the facts.
There is no other world.
No one be coming to save us.
Amanda! Amanda! Amanda! Amanda! [TRAIN HORN BLARES.]
Train? It's all real.
[LAUGHS.]
This is crazy now.
This was a terrible plan.
Amanda! The bridge.
What is it? Is that a Dengdamor messenger parrot? It's a letter from Silas Dengdamor.
He wants to meet.
You're not serious.
He's a Dengdamor.
Even if he is smooching your brother, you can't trust him.
Silas is as scared of bloodshed as we are.
He says he knows The Mage's men are in the valley.
[THUD, INDISTINCT VOICES.]
Shh, quiet.
[FOOTSTEPS.]
Litzibitz where were you this morning? I'm trying to lead our people into battle, and my eldest child can't bother to show her face.
Father, we don't need to go to war.
We have other options.
Go to war? We're already at war.
Our fields are scorched, Panto is dead, or worse You don't know that Panto is dead.
If we could just talk to the Dengdamors, then maybe Oh, we'll talk to them.
What's that? Sorry, can't hear you, 'cause you're dead! [MEN LAUGH.]
Come now, Litzibitz.
Your brother is gone.
Will you not fight in his name? You are being a bobo fool! How dare you call your father a bobo fool.
You're the bobo.
Let's go.
[MURMURING.]
[GASPS.]
[SIGHS.]
[GROANING.]
[SCREAMS.]
[YELPS.]
[GROANING.]
Oo been sleetzin.
Yoo mah boyfre now.
We gon liv togazar uppa foritz.
Ima wats yoo get ol' an' bootaful.
Sorry, this this this is a lot for the first date, and I Ware yoo go-ey, ya stupid baboon? Uh Oomah boyfre now, isnin'? Ah, yes, that sounded very much like you just used the word "boyfriend," and [YELPS.]
We frens inta wood now, talka beastie, no scares.
Listen, I'm having one of those emotions where how to put this I'm actively regretting every decision that brought me to this moment of life.
[COOING.]
Lov-ooom.
- Oh, God.
- [GRUNTS.]
[SIGHS.]
[GASPS.]
Borga.
Good chewa tum.
Mmm, okay, I Oh.
Right.
So Right.
So So this is a hamburger that grew on a a vine.
Borgabush! [SIGHS.]
Ah! Fend now.
Shutsie, beauty boy.
Listen, perhaps Shutsie, shutsie, beauty boy! Oh! This is actually really good.
[CACKLES.]
Ow! Why? Boyfre.
You name Bibbit.
Bibbi Aha! Amanda! Come on, Amanda [PANTING.]
Whoa! Ah! I-I've seen this! Oh, shit.
It's empty.
[SCREAMS.]
[GROANS.]
How is this getting worse? [SNARLING.]
Ah! What is this? Ow! [AIR GUN BLASTS.]
[YELPING.]
Get off, man! [AIR GUN BLASTS.]
[WHISTLE.]
[SCREECHING.]
[GROWLS.]
[GASPS.]
Have you ever seen something like this before? No and his clothes be strange, too.
I have never seen anything like this in my travels.
I can explain everything.
Then explain why we found you in a Kellum Knight camp.
I can't explain that.
But But I can explain Shit, what can I explain? You're in league with The Mage.
You're one of his Square Boy Kellum thugs! No, no, no, don't like The Mage, don't like him or his guys, that much I am totally clear on.
Big anti-Mage guy here, Uh, I'm not a a Square Boy? I'm a I'm a house boy! I'm I'm not a house boy, I I came through the house.
The bed in the house is where I came through, in Mon tana? We're all We're all It's It's all chill, man.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
I see.
It makes sense now.
He be madman.
No, no, I can show you.
I can show you, back in the the ruins? You guys know the ruins? Dirk's back there, I can show you to him.
Dirk? Did you say "Dirk"? Like Dirk Gently? - Yes.
- What? He's here, in Wendimoor? Yes.
[LAUGHS.]
[LAUGHING.]
He's here in Wendimoor? Yeah.
Dirk Gently is here! Whoo! [SIGHS.]
[SIGHS, MOCKINGLY.]
That's what you sound like.
You don't know what it's like, back with my mother.
There's constantly talk of attacks, of retaliation, of war All families have issues, dude.
You'll be fine.
In fact, you'll be a goddamn hero.
Not just a hero, but the hero.
Like, the guy, when you tell this story of this old feud that went on for years.
It all ended because of Farson Dengdamor.
That's, like, legendary, literally.
I don't care about that stuff.
I just I want peace.
Best of both worlds peace and you get to be the rock star.
Why not do both? - Don't move! - [BLADE RINGS.]
I guarantee whatever you're mad about has nothing to do with us.
You're in the Trost Woods, trespasser.
This is our home, dumbo.
"Dumbo"? Really? You're Litzibitz Trost, aren't you? You're Farson Dengdamor.
You're alive? Seems that way, doesn't it? My family's been accused of your murder.
See? It's a big misunderstanding.
You can put the scissors away.
Did you take him? Do you work for The Mage? Slow down, Comic-Con, I'm just trying to help.
She didn't take me.
She saved me.
We want to make peace.
I'm on my way to meet your brother.
Silas? See? This is all sort of kind of working out, maybe.
You're coming with us.
I don't want to hurt you, but any false moves, snip snap.
[CLOSING BLADES.]
Let's go.
We're going to meet your brother.
It's gonna be fine.
Puh fo' her, and toh der toh fo six haer now.
Tooki boty, wow! Yes? Of course, darling, that sounds wonderful.
Ah! Boyfre te Bibbit.
Yes, that's me now.
I'm "Bibbit.
" This is my life.
I guess it makes sense.
You and I will have puppies, or whatever you have, and I'll just live in the woods like a uniquely elegant, macho lumber man.
I suppose there's worse things.
You know what's frustrating is that I never got ahead of this one.
I was always three steps behind.
Oh is okay.
And you know, it's funny, because normally, no matter how off the road I go, no matter what goes wrong, I end up at least vaguely near a clue.
- Bibbit saz? - Yeah.
Howt Bibbit unsaz? I can't help but think I missed something somewhere.
I finally had everyone on my side this time, too, and I couldn't even get out of my own way.
I never even got to see the boat in the field Todd and Farah were talking about - Buhtena fela? - Mm.
Dah wun? What? Bibbit bihbowt.
Is that the boat from Bergsberg? Olthing fum webeckwen.
[GASPS.]
Another mural? You know Panto? You know Panto? Where is he? Is he all right? He's fine, he's back in our world, safe and sound.
He's the one who told us about the Prophecy and The Mage.
He's the one who found you, then why isn't he here? My heart absolutely aches every moment he's away.
If you've done anything to hurt him Wait, are you guys a thing? Careful what you tell him, Silas.
He could be spy.
Panto and I are very much in love, though our families are at war.
Okay, great.
Let's go find Dirk.
And, Dirk, that guy? He'll explain everything.
That we shall.
But first, I must keep a promise.
We're going to meet Panto's sister.
I'll explain on the way.
This is what happened to them.
This is what happened in Bergsberg.
You didn't draw this, did you? Binder fivevoh.
"Been here forever"? So, the boat and That must be Arnold.
And Wait.
Another boy.
There are two boys.
There were two Cardenas brothers? There were two different paintings of two different boys in the house within a house.
If there were two boys, then maybe Todd was right.
Maybe Arnold wasn't the boy at all.
Ah Of course I had no idea what was going on.
Look at it.
Nothing links them.
I'm missing something.
What am I missing? Heppy? Bibbit heppy? Oh, yes, darling.
So, you guys like What do you guys like? Someone approaches.
He was meant to come alone.
As were you.
It's well I didn't.
Litzibitz Trost! Silas Dengdamor.
That's my brother! Shut your yap until we know it's safe.
I apologize for our tardiness.
We were waylaid.
It in no way reflects my respect for your time and your good grace in coming here.
- Todd?! - Amanda?! That's my sister.
- How did you get here? - Where's Dirk? Seriously? Seriously, "Where's Dirk?" There's no way you came to fairyland without him, so - How are you here? - How are you here? - I fell through a bed.
- I went through a bathtub.
- A what? - A bathtub! Wait, did you just say "bed"? A literal bathtub? Where is Dirk?! He's here somewhere.
Who are those people? You lost Dirk? Silence, both of you! My mother readies for war.
My father, as well.
If our families cannot work together, The Mage and his army will destroy us all.
I can persuade her to make concessions, but someone in your family must answer for the disappearance of my brother, Farson.
I'm here! Silas, I'm here! Farson? There he is! Come on SILAS: If If you didn't kidnap Farson, why do you have him now? W-We don't.
Well, he's there.
I ran away, and I was taken by the Kellum Knights.
I'm so sorry, Silas.
Where's Panto? He's safe! Wait how do you know Panto? He's in Bergsberg! You were in Bergsberg! He found Dirk.
Wait, you were in Bergsberg? Hold on! Dirk Gently? The man from the Prophecy? He exists? He definitely does! And this man, Toad, says he can take us to him.
Panto has always believed in finding Dirk Gently, in saving this world.
We did not take him, Litzibitz.
I love Panto, and our only desire is to unite our families and end all this crumminess! We can work to fulfill the Prophecy! We can save the valley and all of Wendimoor! JEPPUM: Do not dare release that boy.
LITZIBITZ: Father, you followed me? You betrayed your family.
These people have guns! Why do they have guns?! That's bad, that's very bad.
Wh-What do we do? This could be a trap.
FRIJA: It absolutely is, you fool! And you've walked right into it.
Wygar, you told her we were coming here? I had to protect you.
Gah! - It's the Dengdamors.
- See, girl? I knew it was a trap! MAN: Dengdamor scum! MAN #2: The Trosts! [ALL SHOUTING.]
Dengdamors! All right! Listen to me, all of you! You are clearly being played, okay? This is supposed to be a fairy tale! You're all supposed to be living in, like, happy land! You're not supposed to be killing each other for no reason! Farson, tell them.
It's true! There can still be peace.
The Mage's armies are coming.
And he sent these weapons so we might slaughter one another, making his job easier.
Can't you see? He wants us divided.
[MURMURING.]
But Wakti Wapnasi says that, if we can trust one another, if we can work together then everything will be [GUNSHOT.]
MAN: Oh, my [MURMURING.]
- Farson! No! - FRIJA: No! Kill them all! Aaah! Fulfill the prophecy before Litzibitz, no! No! [SHOUTS.]
Amanda! We have to find Wakti Wapnasi, okay? She'll be able to fix this.
I can get us back.
I just need to follow the river.
No, no, I'm gonna get us out of here.
I'm going to find Dirk and I'm gonna get us out of here.
What? You want to leave? Yes, obviously.
We We can't.
This whole place is about to get wiped out.
We have to find Wakti.
Is that a person, or Look, no, Amanda, we're getting out of Wendimoor, or whatever this place is.
We're gonna find Dirk, and Wh Amanda! Amanda! [TWITTERING.]
[SING-SONG VOICE.]
Little creatures, little creatures.
Out to see the Queen.
Hello, friend.
Hi.
Hi.
I don't believe that we've met.
I'm going to be queen here in Wendimoor.
Yeah.
The Mage, well, he quit, but, you know, me, I'm I'm not a quitter.
[LAUGHS.]
See, um, this book, it says that you are the only other magical person in this world, so I'm afraid that I'm going to have to evict you and the rest of the Treasure Trolls from toilet village! I know you must feel very powerful right now but you will feel small again.
Yeah, well I think it would be smarter for you and your little friends to kneel before your new ruler! Oh I'm not afraid of you.
Toros! [BOFOOKI NEPOO SQUEAKING IN TERROR.]
Amanda! Amanda This is bad.
Something's happening.
We need to go help.
But wait! [BOFOOKI NEPOO SQUEALING AND SHRIEKING.]
Wakti.
Suzie Boreton This was Suzie Boreton.
She could be anywhere.
We can't stay here.
I shouldn't have left.
I should've been here.
These people needed me.
Farson told me they had been waiting for Dirk for years.
They need us to help! They don't seem very helpable, by us, okay? I need you, Amanda.
I came here to get you No, you came here for you.
Out of guilt.
I sacrificed everything to be here.
I came here to try and fix things between us.
Can't you see how dangerous this is? Do you think I'm four years old? Do you think I am somehow under the impression that this place is safe? It's not our job to save these people.
Amanda, I-I know this sounds stupid, but there's, like, a good chance that this is all just a drawing.
[LAUGHS.]
A drawing.
A drawing I am not going to leave everyone to die because I'm worried about myself.
That can be your thing.
It's not mine.
It's good to see you, Todd.
Go away.
WYGAR: There.
That is him.
The wide worlder.
Witchakookoo of the wood, you betray us.
You betray all of us! No, look, I can explain.
No, man, you're gonna listen to me.
This isn't my fault [ROARS.]
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLARES.]
They killed your brother while you stood there watching.
The Trosts are animals.
Worse than animals.
They said Dirk Gently was here.
They said What is wrong with you? They killed your brother in front of your eyes.
Where is your love? Your honor, your loyalty? You would wilt and cower at the mention of what I would do, what I have done, to protect you.
Farson wished for peace And I wish they'd shot you instead.
There will be blood.
Much more blood.
It has come to pass just as The Mage foretold.
Hello, boys! Hi! The Mage has left your world to me.
I am his chosen successor and have taken his place as your rightful queen.
What do you know of The Mage? Stand aside.
Judgey, judgey! Stand down.
She holds the apprentice's wand.
Pulchritudo ratzo agazai! Much better.
Hail to The Mage.
No.
Hail to me.
[GIGGLES.]
[CACKLING WICKEDLY.]
The answer is here somewhere.
It's just disguised, presently.
I dunno witsez.
I'm missing something.
Right? I'm I'm missing something.
I'm forgetting some obvious thing that's been shown to me.
Mona Wilder sent me to Bergsberg, straight to the Cardenas family rest in trees and these pictures look just like the ones at the Cardenas house, so the boy must have been there at some point.
At the hospital, Arnold talked about the monster, the other house, the creation of a world, but never mentioned a brother.
D-Does that mean the brother-boy is here now? He said they brought something home from the boat.
Was that the brother? The mural at the house had the boy on the throne with those symbols, and the bed in the house sent me to the throne here, so maybe the boy, Arnold's brother, did the same thing.
When did the boy get here? Uh Maybe the boy got lost in Wendimoor ages ago, and so he drew all this himself? No, that's not it.
Bibbit luff te painty.
Those are "Zs.
" They're "Zs," like, "Zzz," and they like like "snore," you know, and and Arnold said this was going to be real.
He didn't say it was real.
Dreams This came from a dream.
The boy could create things while he was asleep.
He could make them real.
But maybe ever since he created this place, he he he's been asleep, or [GASPS.]
- Solved it.
- Hmm? Huh.
I am so sorry about this.
Wasdat? Ha! Ha! Solved it! I solved it!
Make it your reality.
Argh! I am a freakin' witchakookoo! MAN: Lord Triangle Badevil, hail to the Mage.
I've come for the Dengdamor boy.
We don't know that Farson is dead, mother.
Burn down the entire Trost farmland.
We don't know that this was the Dengdamors.
We don't know that Panto is dead.
Death to the Dengdamors! The man who could save my family, my world, is Dirk Gently.
I've finished the case.
I've found the boy.
Prophecy fulfilled! SUZIE: The boy is dead! Send me to Wendimoor.
We failed the case.
There's nowhere to go.
It's all pointless, isn't it? PRIEST: I'm with an agency called Blackwing.
The portal to Wendimoor is in here somewhere.
Oh, my God.
The bed has to be closed! [BIRDS CHIRPING.]
[ROOSTER CROWS.]
[FLIES BUZZING.]
Oh, my God.
Not again Marina! Marina! Marina! Marina! He's having a nightmare! [MONSTER SNARLING, MARINA SCREAMS.]
Tell him to get rid of it! Tell him now! [WHISPERING.]
Make it go away! Or dream it into something nice.
Die, you son of a [GASPS.]
[ROARING.]
Make it go away! One-eyed, one-horned flying Purple People Eater [ROARING.]
[SILENCE.]
[DISTANT ROAR.]
[RASPY MUTTERING.]
[RUMBLING AND BUBBLING.]
Shakes and rumble! Afeared! [BOTH SCREAMING.]
Ha! Ha-ha! What? Are we We're not dead.
I don't think we're dead.
I can't believe that worked! Dirk, are you okay? Define "okay.
" Oh Holy shit! Dirk! We're in Wendimoor! This is incredible! It's not Wendimoor.
What? Yes, it is.
Why? It was a portal, Todd, we could be anywhere.
This could be Miami, for all you know.
There's a giant magical moon in the sky.
Do you see the giant magical moon? This is not Miami! Stop yelling about Miami, Todd.
What other kind of castle-y fairyland could this possibly be? You're jumping to extra-dimensional conclusions.
I'm jumping You went from Blackwing to the trunk of a car in Bergsberg Again, domestic travel.
Oh, my God, dude, we are in another dimension.
Let's go.
If this is Miami, I'll buy you whatever drink they're known for.
Where exactly do you think you're going, Todd? What, pray tell, is your plan? The boy is dead.
I was to find the boy, and I did, and I got him killed.
Along with all those people at the hospital.
That wasn't your fault.
Suzie Boreton was looking for me.
If I hadn't been there, no one would've been hurt.
You don't know that.
Same with Blackwing.
They're hunting me, and that man, Mr.
Priest, I've met him before, Todd.
He kills people.
And we've had to leave Farah behind.
Who knows what'll happen.
- Farah will be fine.
- But what if she's not? What if we lose her and Tina, like Hobbs? You know, you're so obsessed with finding your sister you are ignoring the obvious facts right in front of you.
And what are those? That all of this is my fault.
Every move I make puts people in danger.
Look, I get it.
I'm scared, too.
I never said "scared.
" I said I get people killed, I leave a trail of dead people.
The case is over.
The boy is dead.
What if Arnold isn't the boy? What if the boy is here in Wendimoor? You have to keep trying, Dirk.
Without the boy, this whole world falls apart, and we're currently in it, so Look, hey, what if I'm the boy? [GROANS.]
You're not the boy.
You're just a guy named Todd whose life I ruined.
Can't you see it's all nonsense? I have no clue what's going on.
What the hell does a Purple People Eater have to do with an evil wizard, and what has any of that got to do with Mona Wilder? How am I supposed to put that together? How am I supposed to bring the boy to Wendimoor if I'm already in Wendimoor? I thought you said this was Miami.
I have blown this, like I blow everything! Wrong, wrong, wrong! And then I end up alone! Ha! I quit.
W You what? [LAUGHS.]
I quit being a detective.
Ha! Ahh.
You know, I'm just going to sit right here and do nothing else.
I will not be a participant in any more In any I can't do anymore.
You know what, Dirk? I put finding my sister on hold because you promised me solving your case would get us to her.
And you were right, by the way.
She's out there somewhere! This will all connect, I truly believe that.
Friendship isn't just about someone being there for you.
It about you being there for them, too.
I'm sorry they didn't teach you that at Blackwing, but you need to stand up, and let's go.
I am sick of pep-talking you into your own bullshit.
For once in my life, I don't quit.
I'll solve this one on my own.
I can't do anything right.
You there! Uh I beg your pardon? What? Yaah! [SCREAM.]
[GASPS.]
Argh! [GASPING.]
What did you see? Just more death.
The families the Dengdamors, the Trosts they're killing each other.
We have to do something.
Amanda, listen, what you see is just one possible future.
I saw Farson's family dying.
You don't even care about that? There are greater things to fear than death.
I don't get you.
You talk about this world like it doesn't matter.
If the boy returns, then he will repair everything that has gone wrong.
If he does not, then then we will all die.
You and your friends can leave at any time.
You think I'm just gonna leave you and everyone here to die and just go back home and pretend like everything's fine? Who do you think I am? - Listen to me - No, you listen to me, Wakti.
We can help people.
I can fix this.
Wendimoor is just a small piece of something bigger.
There is a war coming in your world, a war for all reality, between order and chaos.
People like you, the ones connected to something deeper, must unite.
You are the one who will unite them.
Okay, I appreciate everything you have done for me, but I'll come back.
Okay? I just can't let people die.
[INHALES SHARPLY.]
Amanda when you return to your world, you must gather the tools.
The universe is broken, and only you can fix it.
Hey, Farson.
Let's go.
You're going home, like, now.
No, no, no, I ran away for a reason.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, listen, you running away made things worse.
You were right about The Mage.
There's an army coming.
You have powers.
Why don't you go stop the army? 'Cause, low-key, I suck with my powers.
"Low-key"? What's that? Farson, let's not get wrapped up with the wording here.
I see death.
Lots of it.
I know that you don't like what's going on with your family, but you can't just run away forever.
It's easy to just hide out and hope that your problems will go away.
I for sure get that impulse.
But then that gives your problem all of the power.
You know what I mean? If you don't let me take you home, I think something really bad will happen.
FRIJA: Family is the most important thing we have, and this family is under siege by the Trosts.
They kidnapped and murdered my son, Farson, just the most recent in this decades-long conflict where we have all, all of us, lost loyal allies and friends.
So, the Dengdamors will do what we have done for three generations.
[MURMURING.]
We will stand our ground in defense of this magnificent place.
We will not be scared away by mud-flinging peasants! CROWD: No! We will protect our own! Yes! Gather our finest warriors! - Yes! - Death to the Trosts! [CHEERING.]
What now, Silas? I'm sending a message to Litzibitz Trost.
I need to warn her and her family if an attack is coming.
Silas I swore to your father that I would protect you.
I love you like me own son, but this this this be too much.
You betray your family.
Panto told me the Trosts didn't take Farson, much less kill him.
He must be out there somewhere.
My mother won't listen.
It's up to me to make this right.
[WINGS FLAPPING, PARROT SQUAWKS.]
This is our only hope now.
Unless the prophecy is fulfilled.
Prophecy? You trust that Forest Witch over your own mother? Come on, now, Silas, wake up from this dream.
What about Panto? What if he finds Dirk Gently? What if he brings Your boy Panto has been gone for days now.
You must come alive to the facts.
There is no other world.
No one be coming to save us.
Amanda! Amanda! Amanda! Amanda! [TRAIN HORN BLARES.]
Train? It's all real.
[LAUGHS.]
This is crazy now.
This was a terrible plan.
Amanda! The bridge.
What is it? Is that a Dengdamor messenger parrot? It's a letter from Silas Dengdamor.
He wants to meet.
You're not serious.
He's a Dengdamor.
Even if he is smooching your brother, you can't trust him.
Silas is as scared of bloodshed as we are.
He says he knows The Mage's men are in the valley.
[THUD, INDISTINCT VOICES.]
Shh, quiet.
[FOOTSTEPS.]
Litzibitz where were you this morning? I'm trying to lead our people into battle, and my eldest child can't bother to show her face.
Father, we don't need to go to war.
We have other options.
Go to war? We're already at war.
Our fields are scorched, Panto is dead, or worse You don't know that Panto is dead.
If we could just talk to the Dengdamors, then maybe Oh, we'll talk to them.
What's that? Sorry, can't hear you, 'cause you're dead! [MEN LAUGH.]
Come now, Litzibitz.
Your brother is gone.
Will you not fight in his name? You are being a bobo fool! How dare you call your father a bobo fool.
You're the bobo.
Let's go.
[MURMURING.]
[GASPS.]
[SIGHS.]
[GROANING.]
[SCREAMS.]
[YELPS.]
[GROANING.]
Oo been sleetzin.
Yoo mah boyfre now.
We gon liv togazar uppa foritz.
Ima wats yoo get ol' an' bootaful.
Sorry, this this this is a lot for the first date, and I Ware yoo go-ey, ya stupid baboon? Uh Oomah boyfre now, isnin'? Ah, yes, that sounded very much like you just used the word "boyfriend," and [YELPS.]
We frens inta wood now, talka beastie, no scares.
Listen, I'm having one of those emotions where how to put this I'm actively regretting every decision that brought me to this moment of life.
[COOING.]
Lov-ooom.
- Oh, God.
- [GRUNTS.]
[SIGHS.]
[GASPS.]
Borga.
Good chewa tum.
Mmm, okay, I Oh.
Right.
So Right.
So So this is a hamburger that grew on a a vine.
Borgabush! [SIGHS.]
Ah! Fend now.
Shutsie, beauty boy.
Listen, perhaps Shutsie, shutsie, beauty boy! Oh! This is actually really good.
[CACKLES.]
Ow! Why? Boyfre.
You name Bibbit.
Bibbi Aha! Amanda! Come on, Amanda [PANTING.]
Whoa! Ah! I-I've seen this! Oh, shit.
It's empty.
[SCREAMS.]
[GROANS.]
How is this getting worse? [SNARLING.]
Ah! What is this? Ow! [AIR GUN BLASTS.]
[YELPING.]
Get off, man! [AIR GUN BLASTS.]
[WHISTLE.]
[SCREECHING.]
[GROWLS.]
[GASPS.]
Have you ever seen something like this before? No and his clothes be strange, too.
I have never seen anything like this in my travels.
I can explain everything.
Then explain why we found you in a Kellum Knight camp.
I can't explain that.
But But I can explain Shit, what can I explain? You're in league with The Mage.
You're one of his Square Boy Kellum thugs! No, no, no, don't like The Mage, don't like him or his guys, that much I am totally clear on.
Big anti-Mage guy here, Uh, I'm not a a Square Boy? I'm a I'm a house boy! I'm I'm not a house boy, I I came through the house.
The bed in the house is where I came through, in Mon tana? We're all We're all It's It's all chill, man.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
I see.
It makes sense now.
He be madman.
No, no, I can show you.
I can show you, back in the the ruins? You guys know the ruins? Dirk's back there, I can show you to him.
Dirk? Did you say "Dirk"? Like Dirk Gently? - Yes.
- What? He's here, in Wendimoor? Yes.
[LAUGHS.]
[LAUGHING.]
He's here in Wendimoor? Yeah.
Dirk Gently is here! Whoo! [SIGHS.]
[SIGHS, MOCKINGLY.]
That's what you sound like.
You don't know what it's like, back with my mother.
There's constantly talk of attacks, of retaliation, of war All families have issues, dude.
You'll be fine.
In fact, you'll be a goddamn hero.
Not just a hero, but the hero.
Like, the guy, when you tell this story of this old feud that went on for years.
It all ended because of Farson Dengdamor.
That's, like, legendary, literally.
I don't care about that stuff.
I just I want peace.
Best of both worlds peace and you get to be the rock star.
Why not do both? - Don't move! - [BLADE RINGS.]
I guarantee whatever you're mad about has nothing to do with us.
You're in the Trost Woods, trespasser.
This is our home, dumbo.
"Dumbo"? Really? You're Litzibitz Trost, aren't you? You're Farson Dengdamor.
You're alive? Seems that way, doesn't it? My family's been accused of your murder.
See? It's a big misunderstanding.
You can put the scissors away.
Did you take him? Do you work for The Mage? Slow down, Comic-Con, I'm just trying to help.
She didn't take me.
She saved me.
We want to make peace.
I'm on my way to meet your brother.
Silas? See? This is all sort of kind of working out, maybe.
You're coming with us.
I don't want to hurt you, but any false moves, snip snap.
[CLOSING BLADES.]
Let's go.
We're going to meet your brother.
It's gonna be fine.
Puh fo' her, and toh der toh fo six haer now.
Tooki boty, wow! Yes? Of course, darling, that sounds wonderful.
Ah! Boyfre te Bibbit.
Yes, that's me now.
I'm "Bibbit.
" This is my life.
I guess it makes sense.
You and I will have puppies, or whatever you have, and I'll just live in the woods like a uniquely elegant, macho lumber man.
I suppose there's worse things.
You know what's frustrating is that I never got ahead of this one.
I was always three steps behind.
Oh is okay.
And you know, it's funny, because normally, no matter how off the road I go, no matter what goes wrong, I end up at least vaguely near a clue.
- Bibbit saz? - Yeah.
Howt Bibbit unsaz? I can't help but think I missed something somewhere.
I finally had everyone on my side this time, too, and I couldn't even get out of my own way.
I never even got to see the boat in the field Todd and Farah were talking about - Buhtena fela? - Mm.
Dah wun? What? Bibbit bihbowt.
Is that the boat from Bergsberg? Olthing fum webeckwen.
[GASPS.]
Another mural? You know Panto? You know Panto? Where is he? Is he all right? He's fine, he's back in our world, safe and sound.
He's the one who told us about the Prophecy and The Mage.
He's the one who found you, then why isn't he here? My heart absolutely aches every moment he's away.
If you've done anything to hurt him Wait, are you guys a thing? Careful what you tell him, Silas.
He could be spy.
Panto and I are very much in love, though our families are at war.
Okay, great.
Let's go find Dirk.
And, Dirk, that guy? He'll explain everything.
That we shall.
But first, I must keep a promise.
We're going to meet Panto's sister.
I'll explain on the way.
This is what happened to them.
This is what happened in Bergsberg.
You didn't draw this, did you? Binder fivevoh.
"Been here forever"? So, the boat and That must be Arnold.
And Wait.
Another boy.
There are two boys.
There were two Cardenas brothers? There were two different paintings of two different boys in the house within a house.
If there were two boys, then maybe Todd was right.
Maybe Arnold wasn't the boy at all.
Ah Of course I had no idea what was going on.
Look at it.
Nothing links them.
I'm missing something.
What am I missing? Heppy? Bibbit heppy? Oh, yes, darling.
So, you guys like What do you guys like? Someone approaches.
He was meant to come alone.
As were you.
It's well I didn't.
Litzibitz Trost! Silas Dengdamor.
That's my brother! Shut your yap until we know it's safe.
I apologize for our tardiness.
We were waylaid.
It in no way reflects my respect for your time and your good grace in coming here.
- Todd?! - Amanda?! That's my sister.
- How did you get here? - Where's Dirk? Seriously? Seriously, "Where's Dirk?" There's no way you came to fairyland without him, so - How are you here? - How are you here? - I fell through a bed.
- I went through a bathtub.
- A what? - A bathtub! Wait, did you just say "bed"? A literal bathtub? Where is Dirk?! He's here somewhere.
Who are those people? You lost Dirk? Silence, both of you! My mother readies for war.
My father, as well.
If our families cannot work together, The Mage and his army will destroy us all.
I can persuade her to make concessions, but someone in your family must answer for the disappearance of my brother, Farson.
I'm here! Silas, I'm here! Farson? There he is! Come on SILAS: If If you didn't kidnap Farson, why do you have him now? W-We don't.
Well, he's there.
I ran away, and I was taken by the Kellum Knights.
I'm so sorry, Silas.
Where's Panto? He's safe! Wait how do you know Panto? He's in Bergsberg! You were in Bergsberg! He found Dirk.
Wait, you were in Bergsberg? Hold on! Dirk Gently? The man from the Prophecy? He exists? He definitely does! And this man, Toad, says he can take us to him.
Panto has always believed in finding Dirk Gently, in saving this world.
We did not take him, Litzibitz.
I love Panto, and our only desire is to unite our families and end all this crumminess! We can work to fulfill the Prophecy! We can save the valley and all of Wendimoor! JEPPUM: Do not dare release that boy.
LITZIBITZ: Father, you followed me? You betrayed your family.
These people have guns! Why do they have guns?! That's bad, that's very bad.
Wh-What do we do? This could be a trap.
FRIJA: It absolutely is, you fool! And you've walked right into it.
Wygar, you told her we were coming here? I had to protect you.
Gah! - It's the Dengdamors.
- See, girl? I knew it was a trap! MAN: Dengdamor scum! MAN #2: The Trosts! [ALL SHOUTING.]
Dengdamors! All right! Listen to me, all of you! You are clearly being played, okay? This is supposed to be a fairy tale! You're all supposed to be living in, like, happy land! You're not supposed to be killing each other for no reason! Farson, tell them.
It's true! There can still be peace.
The Mage's armies are coming.
And he sent these weapons so we might slaughter one another, making his job easier.
Can't you see? He wants us divided.
[MURMURING.]
But Wakti Wapnasi says that, if we can trust one another, if we can work together then everything will be [GUNSHOT.]
MAN: Oh, my [MURMURING.]
- Farson! No! - FRIJA: No! Kill them all! Aaah! Fulfill the prophecy before Litzibitz, no! No! [SHOUTS.]
Amanda! We have to find Wakti Wapnasi, okay? She'll be able to fix this.
I can get us back.
I just need to follow the river.
No, no, I'm gonna get us out of here.
I'm going to find Dirk and I'm gonna get us out of here.
What? You want to leave? Yes, obviously.
We We can't.
This whole place is about to get wiped out.
We have to find Wakti.
Is that a person, or Look, no, Amanda, we're getting out of Wendimoor, or whatever this place is.
We're gonna find Dirk, and Wh Amanda! Amanda! [TWITTERING.]
[SING-SONG VOICE.]
Little creatures, little creatures.
Out to see the Queen.
Hello, friend.
Hi.
Hi.
I don't believe that we've met.
I'm going to be queen here in Wendimoor.
Yeah.
The Mage, well, he quit, but, you know, me, I'm I'm not a quitter.
[LAUGHS.]
See, um, this book, it says that you are the only other magical person in this world, so I'm afraid that I'm going to have to evict you and the rest of the Treasure Trolls from toilet village! I know you must feel very powerful right now but you will feel small again.
Yeah, well I think it would be smarter for you and your little friends to kneel before your new ruler! Oh I'm not afraid of you.
Toros! [BOFOOKI NEPOO SQUEAKING IN TERROR.]
Amanda! Amanda This is bad.
Something's happening.
We need to go help.
But wait! [BOFOOKI NEPOO SQUEALING AND SHRIEKING.]
Wakti.
Suzie Boreton This was Suzie Boreton.
She could be anywhere.
We can't stay here.
I shouldn't have left.
I should've been here.
These people needed me.
Farson told me they had been waiting for Dirk for years.
They need us to help! They don't seem very helpable, by us, okay? I need you, Amanda.
I came here to get you No, you came here for you.
Out of guilt.
I sacrificed everything to be here.
I came here to try and fix things between us.
Can't you see how dangerous this is? Do you think I'm four years old? Do you think I am somehow under the impression that this place is safe? It's not our job to save these people.
Amanda, I-I know this sounds stupid, but there's, like, a good chance that this is all just a drawing.
[LAUGHS.]
A drawing.
A drawing I am not going to leave everyone to die because I'm worried about myself.
That can be your thing.
It's not mine.
It's good to see you, Todd.
Go away.
WYGAR: There.
That is him.
The wide worlder.
Witchakookoo of the wood, you betray us.
You betray all of us! No, look, I can explain.
No, man, you're gonna listen to me.
This isn't my fault [ROARS.]
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLARES.]
They killed your brother while you stood there watching.
The Trosts are animals.
Worse than animals.
They said Dirk Gently was here.
They said What is wrong with you? They killed your brother in front of your eyes.
Where is your love? Your honor, your loyalty? You would wilt and cower at the mention of what I would do, what I have done, to protect you.
Farson wished for peace And I wish they'd shot you instead.
There will be blood.
Much more blood.
It has come to pass just as The Mage foretold.
Hello, boys! Hi! The Mage has left your world to me.
I am his chosen successor and have taken his place as your rightful queen.
What do you know of The Mage? Stand aside.
Judgey, judgey! Stand down.
She holds the apprentice's wand.
Pulchritudo ratzo agazai! Much better.
Hail to The Mage.
No.
Hail to me.
[GIGGLES.]
[CACKLING WICKEDLY.]
The answer is here somewhere.
It's just disguised, presently.
I dunno witsez.
I'm missing something.
Right? I'm I'm missing something.
I'm forgetting some obvious thing that's been shown to me.
Mona Wilder sent me to Bergsberg, straight to the Cardenas family rest in trees and these pictures look just like the ones at the Cardenas house, so the boy must have been there at some point.
At the hospital, Arnold talked about the monster, the other house, the creation of a world, but never mentioned a brother.
D-Does that mean the brother-boy is here now? He said they brought something home from the boat.
Was that the brother? The mural at the house had the boy on the throne with those symbols, and the bed in the house sent me to the throne here, so maybe the boy, Arnold's brother, did the same thing.
When did the boy get here? Uh Maybe the boy got lost in Wendimoor ages ago, and so he drew all this himself? No, that's not it.
Bibbit luff te painty.
Those are "Zs.
" They're "Zs," like, "Zzz," and they like like "snore," you know, and and Arnold said this was going to be real.
He didn't say it was real.
Dreams This came from a dream.
The boy could create things while he was asleep.
He could make them real.
But maybe ever since he created this place, he he he's been asleep, or [GASPS.]
- Solved it.
- Hmm? Huh.
I am so sorry about this.
Wasdat? Ha! Ha! Solved it! I solved it!