Divorce (2016) s01e07 Episode Script

1 It's not the easiest thing to explain, but it's as if something you've seen a million times and yet you've never really seen it, you know? You've never really seen the beauty that you know No, no, no, I get it.
It's like that wispy orange mist in the background in the jungle when they first arrive at Kurtz's compound.
Before the Blu-Ray, all I ever saw were, you know, dead dogs and shit.
You know? I never knew it was there.
Right, right.
I mean, one might ask why was it there? Orange mist in the jungle? Maybe it's just pretentious.
Superior format, that's all I'm saying.
Anyhoo, you know, Kathy, my wife and I are splitting up.
We're getting a divorce, so - God.
- Perhaps it's why I tend to analyze things a bit more deeply these days.
Oh, gosh.
- I'm sorry to hear that.
- Yeah.
It's been tough, not gonna lie.
But, you know, trying to get back in the groove, trying to get back in the saddle, as they say.
Which leads me to all of this.
All of what? You and I.
Maybe we left a few cards on the table.
Maybe a beautiful hand was left unplayed.
Jesus Christ, Robert.
- Are you actually - I never stopped thinking about you, Kathy.
Never.
Not that tragic day.
Our near miss.
9-fucking-11? That tragic day? I mean, is this why you invited me to lunch, because you're getting a divorce? And you actually thought - (speaking Spanish) - What? It means "We're here, right?" in Spanish.
Do you realize I never even told my therapist about us? I tell my therapist every humiliating thing about my life, but never in a million years could I bring myself to tell him about you and that disgusting, shameful day 14 years ago on which nothing happened.
Okay, you invited me to your hotel.
We both knew what that meant.
Okay, you know what? I came here to make peace with what happened and to say that people make mistakes and then they move on and they try to do better.
But you you are just a tremendous fucking asshole.
All right, I'm sorry.
I apologize.
Seriously, any big plans for the weekend? (music playing) (chatter) Woman: Is that all for you today? - Man: Who's next? - Robert: Oh, yeah, you can go ahead.
- Thanks.
- I'm just looking at all this shit.
- Next.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Hey, Robert.
- What can I get for you today? - The usual for me, Sheila.
Sure.
Yep.
Life before Sharpies.
How did our species survive? So, any big plans for the weekend? Yeah, actually.
I'm going skiing with some friends at Camelback.
Camelback? Ah, those hills are just monsters.
You know, the farther you get upstate, the topography just goes batshit.
But, hey, isn't Camelback in the Poconos? Oh, yeah, you're right.
Yeah, no, I was thinking of the other, you know, - up there upstate - Here you go.
you know, where it's real hilly.
My boyfriend will not shut up about Camelback.
Got yourself one of those, huh? - How long have you guys been together? - Well - (squeals) - Oh.
Well, okay.
- Good luck with that.
- Next.
- Yeah.
- Hi.
What can I get for you? - I'd love a banana muffin.
- Sure.
- Excuse me.
- What? So, what was that all about every morning? What was all what about? The big smiles and giggles.
The "Hi, Roberts.
" The extra shots.
The time that you obviously bent over to pick up a dime that you had dropped for my benefit.
Where was your fancy boyfriend then? You know, the love of your life? I don't I don't really know Yeah, go cook some milk.
- Fuck it.
- Hi.
Grande skinny cappuccino for Robert.
- (door opens) - Robert! I'm sorry.
Can I get you some water? No, no, no.
I'm fine, thank you.
We can we can just we can jump in.
Well, for starters Robert's company is essentially worth nothing.
Nothing? How can that be? You should really have water for this.
- He'll sell the houses.
- He bought too many houses.
And all at the peak of market.
And he put too much money into renovations, and then the market, you know, did what it did.
There's no other way to say it, really.
He has left you both deeply in debt.
Wait, wait, wait.
Deeply in debt or cash poor? Deeply the former, but both.
My esophagus feels like it's on fire.
- And he also took out some loans.
- What? And he remortgaged your house, - and then, for reasons that are unclear - He remortgaged the house? - he took out some more loans.
- He took out more loans?! Two weeks before interest rates, you know, did what they did as everyone was predicting.
No! It's a trick! He's hiding money.
It's strategic.
No, it's not a trick, Frances.
This is all from a simple title and assets search.
No, no.
People hide money, don't they? He worked on Wall Street for 10 years.
Trust me, he knows how to set up shell fronts and funnel things offshore to the Turks and Caymans or one of those other islands that you see on "60 Minutes," you know, that are somehow beyond the purview of the federal regulators.
Frances, sit.
Please.
(sighs, groans) (stammering) Oh, what about if we just just liquidate all of everything right now, and then we split the property 50-50? Would that work? Quite frankly, that is the last thing you'd wanna do.
See, you've been the primary wage earner, and that makes you responsible for Robert's debt.
I don't deserve this.
I mean, maybe I deserve something, but not this.
Do I deserve this? Look, is it ideal? No.
But we still have a few cards up our sleeve.
Trust me.
I've been in worse situations.
We're just getting started.
Now, the main thing I need from you is a cool head.
Try not to get emotional, because that's where mistakes begin.
Hmm? All right, off you go now.
(dog barking) You wanna destroy things, Robert? I'll freaking destroy things.
You wanna mess around with me, Robert? Oh, shit! - No agua.
- What? What? - That pipe's no good.
- Oh, okay.
I'll I'll let them know.
Damn it! (sighs) (groaning) (speaking Spanish) That's a $350 window.
- Lunch is on me today, boys.
- (speaking Spanish) Si.
Coño.
(chatter) Does this come in a large? That is the large size.
It's Euro cut.
It's a more narrow profile.
Are you sure it's for a dude? - I promise.
- Huh.
Look, I haven't done any shopping in a while for some nice clothes, so, you know, I don't I don't really know.
But, I mean, would a woman go for this, you know, on a guy in a bar? I suppose it would depend on the woman and the bar.
Hmm.
Ugh.
- All right, will you hang onto that? - Sure.
I gotta go deal with this shit.
Treasure, why don't you try these on? And I wanna see the purple one, see if it fits or not.
- Hello, Robert.
- Hello, Dallas.
What are you doing here? Did John Deere start a line of denim suits? I'm peacefully trying to expand my wardrobe in this men's department, which you've apparently invaded like it's your own fucking Ukraine.
I'm with Cole, my son, from whom I am not estranged because I am home to tuck him in every night.
He looks like he's old enough to do his own shopping.
So, that makes you, I don't know, his creepy, old personal stylist? Well, thanks for the advice, asshole.
Why don't you use some of that brain power to save your marriage? Let me tell you how this is gonna play out.
If you keep treating Cole like a French poodle that you take to the groomers, one day, he's gonna borrow the car to get the fuck away from you and he's gonna start driving and keep driving until he's knee-deep in the asshole of Mexico.
And you will be all alone.
(sighs) Shit.
I didn't mean any of that, Dallas.
I'm sorry.
I'm just fucking lonely.
Join the club.
- Mom? - Yeah? Can we get out of here, please? I look like fucking Judd Hirsch.
No.
Wow, it's really coming along, finally.
Yeah, I've been planning this in my head for so long, the original color I wanted, they don't even have it anymore.
What, they don't have white anymore? Have you given any more thought to knocking down this wall and slapping in a coffee bar like we discussed? I don't want a coffee bar, Diane.
Sometimes, I feel like you don't listen to me.
Yeah, a coffee bar probably won't work anyway.
This block is such a notorious boneyard for small businesses.
Oh, but it's perfect for a gallery.
Can you please try not to freak me out? I've got enough on my mind with banks and lawyers.
- Banks? - I can't go into it.
Oh, is this about Robert hitting Nick up for money for that stupid fun house idea of his? What is all that about? Suddenly, he thinks he's Willy fucking Wonka? Build what? - Fun what? - Oh, you don't know about this? Well, it's like a bowling alley with swinging ropes and ball pits that serves tacos.
Are you keeping on top of all this? Why did you keep buying all those houses when you knew nothing was selling? Do you know how deep in debt we are? Residential real estate by definition is when opportunity meets risk meets ebb meets flow.
No, that's not the definition.
That's barely a sentence.
You bought two houses two houses that abut a working landfill, yes or no? Yes, because I paid practically nothing for them.
Because they're worth nothing, so you overpaid.
Aha! Those two houses happen to be sitting next to the future home of an 18-hole golf course, which they're gonna move forward with as soon as they do their methane off-gassing system.
Do you know what that means? Of course you do not.
Okay, you purchased a two-bedroom split-level that was the site of a triple homicide.
- Yes or no, Robert? - Allegedly.
- Allegedly.
- Just answer the goddamn question! Jesus Christ! Yes or no?! The young man's attorneys are moving forward.
Just give me a straight answer.
I deserve one straight answer.
Okay.
Here it is.
- We are one deal away from seeing - Oh, my God.
I feel like I'm going insane, I really do.
You remortgaged our house without asking or telling me.
- That is my money you're squandering.
- Your money? I bought that house with money that I earned.
Yes, and I have been single-handedly paying the mortgage on that house for the last eight years.
I put opening my gallery on hold for eight years, waiting and waiting while you indulged this this folly.
Folly, you say? Those two golf course houses alone are gonna net us three million in profit.
That is a 66% ROI return on investment.
- We have nothing! - We are going to see returns.
On what? On this jumpy space thing you've got going with Nick? - First of all, it's called FunSpace - Or the nine nine homes we own, none of which can be lived in? You know what? I am through feeling guilty about you-know-what.
- Julian.
- And frankly, I am through feeling guilty about everything.
What about my wants? What about the kids' wants? Our wants don't exist for you.
They never have.
It's it's always been about what does Robert want? Always about Robert and never about you or the kids.
That is a bunch of bullshit! Oh, my God, I just wish we'd done this sooner.
And it's not just about your massive financial fraud, Robert.
It's about everything.
It's about it's about you brushing your teeth while you're taking a piss and spitting into the toilet.
It's about the fact that you gambled your kids' futures! It's about that ridiculous mustache.
And it is about your moronic farting robot routine.
It didn't amuse me when we were dating and it's even more infantile now.
(monotone) Security alert.
- I will punch you out! - Back away from robot.
- I swear to God.
- Back away from robot.
- (imitates farting) - Time for cake.
- Hey! - Oh! - Yippee.
- I was just doing your mom's favorite robot thing.
- Oh, look at the cake.
- Yeah.
Happy birthday to you - (seagulls cawing) - (boat horn blares) You know, obviously whenever FunSpace gets going, uh, you know, it's gonna make up for everything financially - and then some.
- Uh-huh.
And then, you know, it's happy days are here again and strike up the band, all that kind of happy horse shit.
- Yeah, right.
- But conversely, I also feel like I wanna blow my fucking head off.
- Really? - I mean, I just feel like a fraud and a failure.
- (scoffs) Yeah, well - There's a really good argument to be made that everything I touch turns to dog shit.
- Don't beat yourself up.
- And maybe this is the paranoia speaking, Tony, but lately I get the sense that my kids think I'm a massive douchebag.
Therein lies the paradox.
Hey, look, it's perfectly natural to feel confused, right? This is the phase in every man's life when he's trying to get out from under the thumb of a man-devouring bitch.
Oh, hey, you know, Tony, the language.
- It's still my kids' mom.
- Fuck that.
Toughen up a little bit.
Look, I need you to go out there.
I need you to be strong.
And the first thing I need you to do? I need you to go out and slay some serious pussy, all right? - Come on, buck up.
- I've been trying.
It's not as easy as it used to be.
You know, it's like what I read in "Men's Health," you know, about "act cas and get vag.
" Fuck "Men's Health.
" Here, check this out.
Tanning salon, all right? Get that nice coco color going on.
CrossFit tighten up a little bit.
Call my guy at Paul Smith, get you out of those bullshit dirty rags.
Call Dr.
Pankhurst for some Viagra and help with your low T.
And look at me.
Call Josh here about the support group, all right? "Men's Rights as They Apply to Life and Law.
" Do me a fucking favor.
- Get a goddamn haircut, please? - Oh, right, yeah.
- I should probably get rid of the mustache, too, huh? - What, are you kidding me? That bitch magnet's the only thing you got working for you right now.
Keep it.
I'll grow one with you, hmm? Ah.
Afternoon on this chilly day.
Sorry I'm a little "lake.
" - Give me a moment here.
- Sure.
I'm sorry, what's the name of your bank again? - Yours and Richard's? - Robert's.
It's Chase.
Robert Chase? - No.
No, no.
- Chase! (laughs) Chase Manhattan.
Sorry, my mind was up there in the with the crows for a second.
Run, damn you.
No, it's 'cause I think the cap is still on.
Ha! The old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be.
Oh, incidentally, regarding Richard's landfill property, there's no golf course there.
I had a boy run out.
All he's got is a pit, so whatever he's been telling you No, no, no, no, no, he didn't say golf course.
He he owns the property next to the land - that abuts the - (phone ringing) Yes? No, reschedule.
I'm going home for a nap.
Well, then we'll just file for an extension and hope for the best.
Easy peasy.
Ma Max, is everything okay? - As far as I know.
- (disconnect tone beeping) Oh, here.
Just gonna It's just that you put the cap back on the pen.
You're not writing anything.
Sorry.
Full disclosure.
I've had a small medical emergency.
What? I'm so sorry.
Did was it something that just came on suddenly? Quite literally it came on suddenly.
It was a stroke.
Uh, just a ministroke, thank God.
Oh, jeez, wow.
That's a stroke.
Mini.
And you're okay physically and, you know everything everything else? Not to worry.
The doctors told me to stick to my routine.
Keeping active is the key to a full recovery, they told me.
Do you think maybe we should, um, postpone the meeting with Robert and his lawyer? Frances, please relax.
We are gonna get through this.
Now, back to Ronald and his goddamn golf course.
(phone ringing) Uh, so, look, before we start, apparently there was an incident of vandalism at one of Mr.
DuFresne's properties the other day.
Does your client know anything about this? - Mm-mm.
- First off, - I'll kindly ask you to rein in the profanity.
- Excuse me? Secondly, this sounds like a matter that Mr.
"DuFrench" could take up with the local authorities.
Can we move on, Tony? - (whispers) - Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, sure, Max.
Why don't we move on? Look, despite three requests, I've still not received any copies of Mrs.
DuFresne's credit card statements nor have I received any copies of Mrs.
DuFresne's pay stubs.
Now, regarding the latter, I'm more than happy to subpoena them from her employer.
No, wait.
Max, I thought I gave you all those things.
Yes, yes, yes.
No, I got it.
- I got it.
- Okay.
I got it.
(chuckles) The damn thing's alive.
Soon, I'll be playing the Milwaukee Polka.
(chuckles) Whoops.
Ah! Seek and ye shall find.
(clears throat) Yeah, no, this is the this is not the right documents.
- Are you sure? - Uh-huh, yeah, pretty sure.
Something about a car wash in bankruptcy.
You're half right.
Correct document, different case.
I apologize.
You'll have everything you need by the end of the week.
(whispering) You don't need to bother.
It's okay.
- I'll hold it for you.
I got it.
- Got it? - You all right? - Yep, yep, yep.
We're good.
Max, I know you're really trying your best, but you seem to be struggling a little.
Maybe the you know, your stroke - Mini.
- mini your ministroke might be affecting your ability to work at your highest possible level right now.
You're referring to my little performance in there? That was a strategy, my dear.
A mirage.
Really? Let's just say I played things up a smidge.
I didn't want them to have the paperwork yet.
- Oh! - This stroke, mini as it may be, might just allow us to get some delays if we need them later on.
Oh, my God, Max.
You scared me! You really worried me! Oh, my God! I mean, I really thought I was screwed in there, you know? I mean, my hands look, I'm still shaking.
- I'm like a wreck.
- What did I tell you? - You have to let me do the worrying.
- I know, I know.
You stay tuned.
I have a few more rabbits in my hat.
- I'm never gonna doubt that.
- All right, off you go now.
- Enjoy the rest of your day.
- Okay.
Ah, I most certainly will.
Get some fresh air and buy yourself a snappy hat.
- Well, I would like to - Two doors down, Max.
Right.
Sorry.
They keep moving things around here.
They they moved the elevator banks? - Hey, Katie.
- Oh, hey! Oh, I put the sign-up sheets for basketball in the hallway, - so sign up.
- Thanks, Mr.
D.
- Hey, Robert.
- Hey, Janice.
- Good to see you.
- Thank you.
I don't see you at drop-off very often.
I thought that Tom and Lila take the bus, usually.
They do whenever they stay with their mom, but, uh, when I have them, I like to drive them.
Little extra quality time in the morning.
- That's really sweet.
- Thank you.
You're looking good.
Looks like you lost some weight.
Trying to stay on top of it.
So, Robert, big plans for the weekend? What? - (moaning) - Do that to me one more time You're gonna come? Are you gonna come? Oh, come on.
Come on.
Robert, come on.
(moaning) - You're good.
- Yeah, I'm good? Okay, so I have to run to the dentist.
If you're hungry, there's some leftover pizza in the refrigerator.
Oh, and when you're leaving, go out the side door because it locks by itself, okay? Oh, and if you heat up the pizza, use the microwave, not the oven.
- See ya! - You got it! I love pizza.
You're sexy and you can cook.
- You're really the whole package, man.
- (door closes) In dance class, the teacher, he was walking in and he basically just yelled at this girl - Hi! - because she wasn't pointing her foot - I'm great, Mom.
- she wasn't pointing her foot hard enough.
- Hi! Chatty, chatty, chatty.
- And then the girl started crying.
- Good times.
- Lila: Bye, Dad! - See you guys.
- Tom: Night! So, I'll have them ready Saturday at 9:00.
Okay.
Look, do do you mind if I talk to you about something that happened today? You slept with someone, didn't you? It's official.
This relationship is no longer monogamous on my side.
Cat's in the bag, bag's in the river.
It wasn't Janice from school, was it? Doesn't matter, okay? I just I'm giving you the briefing because we said that we'd be honest with each other, you know, about this kind of thing.
We literally never said that.
So, are you telling me this to hurt me? Probably, but I knew that it wouldn't.
And that's the worst part.
I mean, I was inside another woman today, Frances, and it wasn't you.
- It was so intimate.
- Honestly, there was a time we could've had this conversation, Robert, but you squandered that when you squandered our life savings.
- Just hear me out, okay? - I don't want to anymore, and I don't have to.
And worst of all, I can't afford to.
How could you do that 34 times with him? 34! And then come home to me, and and fake your way through conversation, through dinner with the kids, through sex with me? It was 32 times.
I never saw one sign of it.
I never saw anything in your eyes.
I was never suspicious of you.
And I was never suspicious of you.
I can still smell her on me.
Then go take a bath.
(lock clicks) I took three baths at her house.
(music playing) I never knew how complete love could be Till she kissed me and said, "Baby, please Go all the way - It feels so right - Feels so right Being with you here tonight Please, go all the way - Just hold me close - Hold me close Don't ever let me go" I couldn't say what I wanted to say Till she whispered, "I love you So, please, go all the way - It feels so right - Feels so right Being with you here tonight Please, go all the way - Just hold me close - Hold me close - Don't ever let me go, oh, no - Don't let me go" Whoo-hoo-ooh!