Drunk History (2013) s06e14 Episode Script
Behind Enemy Lines
[Dramatic instrumental music.]
Okay, Marina Raskova, she starts an all-female squadron the Night Witches, who are like "Let's fight 'em.
" These ladies are the first women in combat ever.
Nostrovia! It's the Civil War.
We are going to hijack a Confederate train.
Oh, here we go, we are going to catch them.
Yeah, I realized halfway through that that I didn't even know why I was talking.
[Laughter.]
[Title music.]
[Dramatic military music.]
- Do you want me to launch it? - Yeah.
[Whirring.]
Holy shit.
[Laughter.]
Oh shit.
- That plane that plane is gone.
- So quickly.
But it looked majestic.
Hello.
[Chuckles.]
Hi there.
Hi.
I'm Jess McKenna and we are going to be talking about - the Night Witches.
- Cheers.
Cheers.
[Clink.]
Let's do it.
Okay, it's 1941.
World War II is a goin'.
It's back, it's better than ever, it's bigger than ever, it's worse than ever.
The Soviet Union was taking like really big losses because the Nazis are already bang-bang- banging on the Eastern front.
Enter Marina Raskova.
And she's like, "Hello, I'm Marina Raskova.
I'm going to fly in the Soviet Union or I'm not going to fly.
I'm going to be a navigator.
" So Marina is like, "Hey, here's where you go, here's where you turn, here's how you fly, blah blah.
" She's sort of the Amelia Earhart of the Soviet Union.
So ladies start writing her letters and they are like, "Marina, we love you.
We love what you stand for and also we want to be you.
" Because they are losing their dads, their stepdads, their fathers, their brothers.
Anyone with a penis has to go fight, no women.
[laughs.]
They are like want to be a part of the solution and they can't.
And she's like, "I'm already in here.
I already got a foot in the door.
Let me like let a bunch of more women in so that we can help the war effort.
" So she goes to Joseph Stalin who is a bad guy.
Like, he's a straight-up bad guy.
He's a dictator.
Like, I don't want to like not talk about how he's a dictator but in this scenario he's a good guy for like one second.
So Marina's like, "Stalin, will you do me a solid and let me start an all-female unit of the Air Force? How about that?" And Stalin's like, "Hmm, the Red Army is not doing good so, yeah, I'm going to use this untapped resource of ladies.
" So hold for plane.
[Plane engine humming.]
Look out.
Holding for this plane.
[Singing.]
Planes planes planes, they are part of the narrative of this story.
Planes planes planes, everybody is in a plane.
[Chuckling.]
Okay, Stalin's like, "You can form some all-female units.
" She gets 2000 applicants.
So Marina's like, "Okay, we got amazing women but we got two who are just like, hey, you're friggin' standouts, okay.
" We got Tamara, she's like, "Hey, I'm Tamara Pamya Pamyatnyk.
" Oh, dang it.
[Laughter.]
I'm pretty drunk.
[Laughs.]
It's so hard.
And I feel so bad because like it's not hard.
Okay, "Tamara Pamyatnykh, that's my name and that's how you say it.
" And then we got Raisa Sur-na-chevskaya.
Okay, so Marina, she's like, "Hello, welcome to the Engels School of Aviation.
Okay, and also, now normally what takes like a dude several years you are going to do in a couple months.
" And they're like, "Alright, that's okay.
" And then if that wasn't enough, because that would definitely be enough, that would definitely be enough to be like, holy shit, this is like a cool-ass story, their planes are shit.
Both: Their planes are shit.
Their planes are shit.
Okay, so their planes are from the 1920s and they're crop dusters.
They are made of like basically like plywood and canvas.
They have no cockpit protection.
People are like, "Are we going to be okay?" And they are just like, "We'll do it anyway.
We got this because we care.
" And because they are so these planes are so shitty they can't have no extra weight.
That actually means things that you'd think like, oh, - I definitely need like radar, radio, parachute - Too heavy.
Derek: Parachute? How is that too heavy? I don't know.
[Derek chuckles.]
Instead they have to do all their flying using like old-school compasses and flashlights and pencils and rulers and flashlights and just like a grab bag of second-grade, you know, school supplies.
[Sighs.]
I'm really starting to feel it all now.
Hey.
Hey, everyone.
Okay, so Okay, so Marina, she's like, "Okay, ladies, you're going to fly a bunch of missions a night and it's going to be stealth mode.
That's the only way to do it.
" So because they can't carry weight, they can only carry two bombs at a time, one under each wing.
So they fly in and they bomb these two bombs and then they fly back.
Safety, not safe, safety, Nazis, definitely not safe.
And they do that like 18 times a night and because of their weight restrictions they have to fly really low.
And when they get to like where they're going to drop a bomb they put their plane into idle and then whoosh in and drop their bombs.
The Nazis call them "the Nachthexen.
" - Derek: Not Texans.
- No, they are not Texans! They are Nachthexens, which is Night Witches.
Look it up in a book.
I didn't make it up.
Okay, so the Nazis were so afraid of these ladies you automatically get the highest award in the Nazi army you automatically get the Iron Cross if they shot one down.
Oh, also, they can return fire, so in modern warfare these ladies are the first women in combat ever.
Hold for plane.
Hey, plane! Both: Stay tuned for more Drunk History Behind Enemy Lines.
[Smashing window.]
[Meows.]
- Oh.
- Oh, cheers.
Nostrovia! Okay, so, let's cut to 1943.
Tamara and Raisa, they are just scoping out train tracks, real low-level like scout shit.
- All of a sudden they are surrounded by - 42 Nazi bombers! - Derek: What? - 42 Nazi bombers.
And they are like, "Oh my gosh there are Nazis everywhere.
Everywhere I looked there are Nazis.
I can't turn around without seeing a Nazi.
" So they are like, "Okay, this is the deal.
" In a crazy twist of events going slow actually is the way to go.
Because even at their maximum speed, Tamara and Raisa are like [Humming.]
But the Nazis are like pew-pew-pew-pew.
The Nazis literally cannot go slow enough to get them.
If they try to go as slow as their plane they fall out of the sky.
That's how aerodynamics works.
[Laughter.]
So they are shooting at them.
So they have like taken out a few Germans and it is working.
"Becept" Tamara is like, "I'm out of ammo.
I'm going to just ram my plane.
I got to take them down.
I got to do it.
" [Hiccup.]
And Raisa's like, "I would do it too but I'm pregnant.
I'm four months pregnant.
I got to chill out.
" - Derek: Whoa.
- Yeah, it's crazy.
So Tamara gets close up where she can see the fear in the Nazi guy's eyes.
The Nazi guys like, [German accent.]
"What is this? I'm about to die.
" That's a really good Nazi accent.
And she's like right there but she gets gunned down.
But for some reason, some miracle, she had a parachute that day.
And she like flutters down in this Russian village.
So Tamara went back to base and she went back up.
Tamara and Raisa are like, "Let's fight them.
" And the Nazis flipping retreat.
It's freaking huge.
And they they like achieve what we could never imagine.
All told they flew 30,000 missions, [Music.]
dropped like 23,000 tons of bombs.
So the Soviet Union is like, "Here is this award for the highest honour, the Order of the Red Star in the Soviet Union military.
You did it.
We give it to you because you are so great.
" They are like the most highly decorated unit in all of Soviet Union military history.
And the woman who started it all, Marina Raskova, she was sent to the front lines in 1943 and she died in battle and she received the first state funeral of World War II.
And her ashes are still in the Kremlin.
So even though they are our frenemies sometimes the Russians do cool shit.
These women did so much.
I play puzzles all day and look at Twitter.
[Derek chuckling.]
- Cheers to you.
- Cheers.
[Thud.]
- Ooh.
- Right here we are playing DRUNK.
We are playing DRUNK instead of HORSE.
- You got - You should also know I'm a terrible at basketball so I shoot it like a soccer throw-in.
You have to use one hand to shoot it.
Okay? Sounds Good.
I'll take the N now.
[Thudding.]
[Whack.]
Oh shit.
Have you ever been called surprisingly athletic before? [Laughter.]
- No.
- Alright.
[Laughter.]
[Clatter.]
Hi.
I'm Jon Gabrus and thank you for talking to me about Andrew's Rangers.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
So it's the Civil War.
A Union General Ormsby Mitchel pulls aside this scout/smuggler and says, "Bro, I'm about to attack Huntsville, Alabama.
" I need you to cut off backup supplies.
So James J.
Andrews, he says, "Hey, I'll do this.
I'm a smuggler.
All right, gang, here's what I need.
I need 22 vol" Volumeers.
"22 volunteers, we're going behind enemy lines.
We are going to hijack a Confederate train and smash up the tracks and cut telegraph wires and prevent any backup from getting to where the battles are.
I want three people who know how to use a train.
I'm already ready to burp and shit.
" And he burped.
[Belching.]
Excuse me.
Andrews grabs his crew of like 22 dudes and he's like, "We have to get there by April 11th though because that's when the attack is happening on Huntsville.
Also, no tools.
Nothing that makes us stand out.
Let's ride.
" So, Andrews raiders are travelling hundreds of miles through the southern territory when they get to Marietta, Georgia.
And Andrews is like "Let's just get on this train, act like civilians.
" And so they get on what Buster Keaton would eventually title The Great Locomotive Chase.
- I thought it was called The General.
- You're right.
[Laughs.]
Andrews is like "Welcome to The General.
" [Blows whistle.]
Oh, a That's pretty exciting.
[Blows whistle.]
They get to the first stop.
William Fuller, the conductor of The General is like "All right, ladies and gentlemen, here we are at Big Shanty.
Let's all grab some breakfast and lunch.
One of the raiders, let's say raider number nine is going "surprise-surprise.
" A town called Big Shanty doesn't have a telegraph.
So they knew they would have a little bit of time ahead of the Confederates.
Andrews turns to his guys, "All right, Fuller's eating eggs Benny.
Guys, let's get on a couple of trains and let's get the F out of here.
" And they are off.
That's like the perfect movie situation where the bad guy goes [Stammering.]
"I say I say I say I say boy! I think our train's been stolen.
" Fuller is literally T-1000 after them on foot.
And they jump on handcart, let's go.
Pump it.
Up, down, up, down, up, down.
- Left, right - Left, right, A, B.
Select start.
30 lives, Contra.
It's [Laughing.]
So Andrews and his boys, they get to the next town, they get to Moon Station and they go, "Hey, Moon Station railroad workers, we are just normal railroad workers.
Can we borrow a tool of any sort?" They get a pry bar at this moment.
The get the toolest chunks to pry bar, I don't know the back half of that.
[Laughs.]
Analogy ready but you can follow it.
[Laughs.]
These guys are using pry bar, the one tool they have for a lot of good.
They're ripping up the truck behind them, bring the wood on board with them so they can later throw that on as traps.
And they are powering North.
Hit me with the whistle.
[Blows whistle.]
These guys are on as stolen train but because they want to be inconspicuate- [Gibberish.]
You know, because they wanted to be inconspicuous, they can't arouse any suspicion.
So they are playing it cool.
They're acting natural.
We are at normal locomotive.
[Blows whistle.]
That was just me turning out.
[Laughing.]
To do some light demolition work, you know, knocking out some telegraphs, and they pass a train called The Yonah which isn't moving currently and they should maybe do something to it.
But at this point they're more concerned with getting caught than with doing anything else.
So they just leave it be which may prove to be detrimental to their plan.
So Fuller and his boys are chasing and they're pumping away and they're pumping all the way and of course they see the Yonah, so Fuller and his boys are running and just screaming "This is amazing! We don't have to pump anymore! We don't have to pump anymore!" And I mean, I'm sure that's the conversation.
I don't know.
I've never been on a train in which I was imperative to the train moving.
[Burps, belching.]
[Laughing.]
[Belching.]
Wow.
[Whistle blows.]
What the f was I saying? Oh! So, Fuller and his boys started coming up and they're like "Oh, shit! You've got to be kidding me! A traffic jam!" They see another train called The Smith ahead of the traffic block, and they sprint ahead to the track To The Smith.
They get on The Smith and they're like, "Yes, dude! Now we're on The Smith.
Now we're cruising!" So the General is powering through but The Smith is getting closer so Andrews, they're they're pow Now they're getting a little scared because they can - hear the whistle of The Smith.
- A whistle? Uh, yeah, they can hear the whistle of The Smith which sounds like [Blows whistle.]
[Chuckles.]
It's super low and just kind of quick.
Do a little.
[Whistle toots.]
So, uh, The General keeps powering through.
Another train's going the other way, The Texas.
They find themselves in a situation where they're like, let The Texas pass.
The Texas goes the other way.
So [Unclear.]
Smith's on the tracks.
[Laughter.]
Oh my God, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
So Fuller and his boys see that the tracks ahead of them are smashed and they pull the brakes to halt.
So they jump into their third train but their fifth mode of transportation.
They jump into a train called The Texas.
Pro: very fast train.
Con: facing the other way on the tracks.
I mean [Laughs.]
I just too said I mean.
[Laughs.]
Are you familiar with George Clooney's Casamigos? - Yeah.
- Hey, su casa es mi casa, Clooney.
I'm hammered.
[Laughter.]
This is all imperative to the shoot, trust me.
And we're finished one bottle of tequila, minus one shot to our host Derek.
[Laughs.]
Oh.
Awesome.
This is a terrible idea.
[Laughs.]
[Music.]
So here we are, the third act of our climactic action sequence.
We're in the heart of it all yet didn't make like were talking about like train cars coming from the north.
But we're having the most beautiful train rides, the most beautiful and here we are, having a fucking train ride.
I realized halfway through that that I didn't even know why I was talking about that.
[Laughs.]
Now I know I'm drunk because I'm incorrect.
- You're doing so good, buddy.
- Uh Here we are.
Sorry.
[Laughter.]
So Fuller and his boys are going, "Oh, here we go.
We're gonna catch 'em.
" The General sees that they're getting caught up on.
So Andrews start throwing out ideas.
He's like, "Bro, we gotta do something.
Let's uh uncouple a couple of our boxcars.
Release the train cars.
" And everyone's going, "Good plan, boss.
" So they pull the little thing [Burps.]
Jesus Christ.
It's going to be a long night.
Um, so they release a few train cars to just fall behind them and The Texas is able to, since they're driving backwards, just add those train cars to its path.
[Laughs.]
And here's where it gets really crazy; The General starts as much as I'm running out of steam telling this story, The General actually runs out of steam and they need to add power.
They're running out of coal.
They can't keep the fire you know they're all putting stuff in the back.
They start burning papers, hats.
They throw Andrews' saddlebags in, they throw everything, and it's not enough.
The train runs out of gas.
So [Groans.]
Andrew and his Raiders is like, "Boys, this is the end of the ride, 87 miles in.
" So our boys get caught and they are court-martialed.
Andrews is that the gallows, noose around his neck going, "Well, that plan backfired.
I guess I'm getting hung now.
" Andrews and seven of his compatriots are hung.
Six Raiders go back to the Union Army on a prisoner exchange.
Joseph M.
Holt, the Advocate General of the U.
S.
Army says to these guys, "I'm going to give you guys the first-ever medal of honour.
" I love this story.
I wish more people knew how crazy the Civil War was, besides how crazy the Civil War was.
Yeah, no, I get it.
I'm not standing on a fucking lone island saying that the Civil War was nuts, but the Civil War is nuts, if you consider all the shit we've dealt with and all the shit we're gonna deal with.
[Horn toots.]
[Flowing orchestral music.]
Okay, Marina Raskova, she starts an all-female squadron the Night Witches, who are like "Let's fight 'em.
" These ladies are the first women in combat ever.
Nostrovia! It's the Civil War.
We are going to hijack a Confederate train.
Oh, here we go, we are going to catch them.
Yeah, I realized halfway through that that I didn't even know why I was talking.
[Laughter.]
[Title music.]
[Dramatic military music.]
- Do you want me to launch it? - Yeah.
[Whirring.]
Holy shit.
[Laughter.]
Oh shit.
- That plane that plane is gone.
- So quickly.
But it looked majestic.
Hello.
[Chuckles.]
Hi there.
Hi.
I'm Jess McKenna and we are going to be talking about - the Night Witches.
- Cheers.
Cheers.
[Clink.]
Let's do it.
Okay, it's 1941.
World War II is a goin'.
It's back, it's better than ever, it's bigger than ever, it's worse than ever.
The Soviet Union was taking like really big losses because the Nazis are already bang-bang- banging on the Eastern front.
Enter Marina Raskova.
And she's like, "Hello, I'm Marina Raskova.
I'm going to fly in the Soviet Union or I'm not going to fly.
I'm going to be a navigator.
" So Marina is like, "Hey, here's where you go, here's where you turn, here's how you fly, blah blah.
" She's sort of the Amelia Earhart of the Soviet Union.
So ladies start writing her letters and they are like, "Marina, we love you.
We love what you stand for and also we want to be you.
" Because they are losing their dads, their stepdads, their fathers, their brothers.
Anyone with a penis has to go fight, no women.
[laughs.]
They are like want to be a part of the solution and they can't.
And she's like, "I'm already in here.
I already got a foot in the door.
Let me like let a bunch of more women in so that we can help the war effort.
" So she goes to Joseph Stalin who is a bad guy.
Like, he's a straight-up bad guy.
He's a dictator.
Like, I don't want to like not talk about how he's a dictator but in this scenario he's a good guy for like one second.
So Marina's like, "Stalin, will you do me a solid and let me start an all-female unit of the Air Force? How about that?" And Stalin's like, "Hmm, the Red Army is not doing good so, yeah, I'm going to use this untapped resource of ladies.
" So hold for plane.
[Plane engine humming.]
Look out.
Holding for this plane.
[Singing.]
Planes planes planes, they are part of the narrative of this story.
Planes planes planes, everybody is in a plane.
[Chuckling.]
Okay, Stalin's like, "You can form some all-female units.
" She gets 2000 applicants.
So Marina's like, "Okay, we got amazing women but we got two who are just like, hey, you're friggin' standouts, okay.
" We got Tamara, she's like, "Hey, I'm Tamara Pamya Pamyatnyk.
" Oh, dang it.
[Laughter.]
I'm pretty drunk.
[Laughs.]
It's so hard.
And I feel so bad because like it's not hard.
Okay, "Tamara Pamyatnykh, that's my name and that's how you say it.
" And then we got Raisa Sur-na-chevskaya.
Okay, so Marina, she's like, "Hello, welcome to the Engels School of Aviation.
Okay, and also, now normally what takes like a dude several years you are going to do in a couple months.
" And they're like, "Alright, that's okay.
" And then if that wasn't enough, because that would definitely be enough, that would definitely be enough to be like, holy shit, this is like a cool-ass story, their planes are shit.
Both: Their planes are shit.
Their planes are shit.
Okay, so their planes are from the 1920s and they're crop dusters.
They are made of like basically like plywood and canvas.
They have no cockpit protection.
People are like, "Are we going to be okay?" And they are just like, "We'll do it anyway.
We got this because we care.
" And because they are so these planes are so shitty they can't have no extra weight.
That actually means things that you'd think like, oh, - I definitely need like radar, radio, parachute - Too heavy.
Derek: Parachute? How is that too heavy? I don't know.
[Derek chuckles.]
Instead they have to do all their flying using like old-school compasses and flashlights and pencils and rulers and flashlights and just like a grab bag of second-grade, you know, school supplies.
[Sighs.]
I'm really starting to feel it all now.
Hey.
Hey, everyone.
Okay, so Okay, so Marina, she's like, "Okay, ladies, you're going to fly a bunch of missions a night and it's going to be stealth mode.
That's the only way to do it.
" So because they can't carry weight, they can only carry two bombs at a time, one under each wing.
So they fly in and they bomb these two bombs and then they fly back.
Safety, not safe, safety, Nazis, definitely not safe.
And they do that like 18 times a night and because of their weight restrictions they have to fly really low.
And when they get to like where they're going to drop a bomb they put their plane into idle and then whoosh in and drop their bombs.
The Nazis call them "the Nachthexen.
" - Derek: Not Texans.
- No, they are not Texans! They are Nachthexens, which is Night Witches.
Look it up in a book.
I didn't make it up.
Okay, so the Nazis were so afraid of these ladies you automatically get the highest award in the Nazi army you automatically get the Iron Cross if they shot one down.
Oh, also, they can return fire, so in modern warfare these ladies are the first women in combat ever.
Hold for plane.
Hey, plane! Both: Stay tuned for more Drunk History Behind Enemy Lines.
[Smashing window.]
[Meows.]
- Oh.
- Oh, cheers.
Nostrovia! Okay, so, let's cut to 1943.
Tamara and Raisa, they are just scoping out train tracks, real low-level like scout shit.
- All of a sudden they are surrounded by - 42 Nazi bombers! - Derek: What? - 42 Nazi bombers.
And they are like, "Oh my gosh there are Nazis everywhere.
Everywhere I looked there are Nazis.
I can't turn around without seeing a Nazi.
" So they are like, "Okay, this is the deal.
" In a crazy twist of events going slow actually is the way to go.
Because even at their maximum speed, Tamara and Raisa are like [Humming.]
But the Nazis are like pew-pew-pew-pew.
The Nazis literally cannot go slow enough to get them.
If they try to go as slow as their plane they fall out of the sky.
That's how aerodynamics works.
[Laughter.]
So they are shooting at them.
So they have like taken out a few Germans and it is working.
"Becept" Tamara is like, "I'm out of ammo.
I'm going to just ram my plane.
I got to take them down.
I got to do it.
" [Hiccup.]
And Raisa's like, "I would do it too but I'm pregnant.
I'm four months pregnant.
I got to chill out.
" - Derek: Whoa.
- Yeah, it's crazy.
So Tamara gets close up where she can see the fear in the Nazi guy's eyes.
The Nazi guys like, [German accent.]
"What is this? I'm about to die.
" That's a really good Nazi accent.
And she's like right there but she gets gunned down.
But for some reason, some miracle, she had a parachute that day.
And she like flutters down in this Russian village.
So Tamara went back to base and she went back up.
Tamara and Raisa are like, "Let's fight them.
" And the Nazis flipping retreat.
It's freaking huge.
And they they like achieve what we could never imagine.
All told they flew 30,000 missions, [Music.]
dropped like 23,000 tons of bombs.
So the Soviet Union is like, "Here is this award for the highest honour, the Order of the Red Star in the Soviet Union military.
You did it.
We give it to you because you are so great.
" They are like the most highly decorated unit in all of Soviet Union military history.
And the woman who started it all, Marina Raskova, she was sent to the front lines in 1943 and she died in battle and she received the first state funeral of World War II.
And her ashes are still in the Kremlin.
So even though they are our frenemies sometimes the Russians do cool shit.
These women did so much.
I play puzzles all day and look at Twitter.
[Derek chuckling.]
- Cheers to you.
- Cheers.
[Thud.]
- Ooh.
- Right here we are playing DRUNK.
We are playing DRUNK instead of HORSE.
- You got - You should also know I'm a terrible at basketball so I shoot it like a soccer throw-in.
You have to use one hand to shoot it.
Okay? Sounds Good.
I'll take the N now.
[Thudding.]
[Whack.]
Oh shit.
Have you ever been called surprisingly athletic before? [Laughter.]
- No.
- Alright.
[Laughter.]
[Clatter.]
Hi.
I'm Jon Gabrus and thank you for talking to me about Andrew's Rangers.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
So it's the Civil War.
A Union General Ormsby Mitchel pulls aside this scout/smuggler and says, "Bro, I'm about to attack Huntsville, Alabama.
" I need you to cut off backup supplies.
So James J.
Andrews, he says, "Hey, I'll do this.
I'm a smuggler.
All right, gang, here's what I need.
I need 22 vol" Volumeers.
"22 volunteers, we're going behind enemy lines.
We are going to hijack a Confederate train and smash up the tracks and cut telegraph wires and prevent any backup from getting to where the battles are.
I want three people who know how to use a train.
I'm already ready to burp and shit.
" And he burped.
[Belching.]
Excuse me.
Andrews grabs his crew of like 22 dudes and he's like, "We have to get there by April 11th though because that's when the attack is happening on Huntsville.
Also, no tools.
Nothing that makes us stand out.
Let's ride.
" So, Andrews raiders are travelling hundreds of miles through the southern territory when they get to Marietta, Georgia.
And Andrews is like "Let's just get on this train, act like civilians.
" And so they get on what Buster Keaton would eventually title The Great Locomotive Chase.
- I thought it was called The General.
- You're right.
[Laughs.]
Andrews is like "Welcome to The General.
" [Blows whistle.]
Oh, a That's pretty exciting.
[Blows whistle.]
They get to the first stop.
William Fuller, the conductor of The General is like "All right, ladies and gentlemen, here we are at Big Shanty.
Let's all grab some breakfast and lunch.
One of the raiders, let's say raider number nine is going "surprise-surprise.
" A town called Big Shanty doesn't have a telegraph.
So they knew they would have a little bit of time ahead of the Confederates.
Andrews turns to his guys, "All right, Fuller's eating eggs Benny.
Guys, let's get on a couple of trains and let's get the F out of here.
" And they are off.
That's like the perfect movie situation where the bad guy goes [Stammering.]
"I say I say I say I say boy! I think our train's been stolen.
" Fuller is literally T-1000 after them on foot.
And they jump on handcart, let's go.
Pump it.
Up, down, up, down, up, down.
- Left, right - Left, right, A, B.
Select start.
30 lives, Contra.
It's [Laughing.]
So Andrews and his boys, they get to the next town, they get to Moon Station and they go, "Hey, Moon Station railroad workers, we are just normal railroad workers.
Can we borrow a tool of any sort?" They get a pry bar at this moment.
The get the toolest chunks to pry bar, I don't know the back half of that.
[Laughs.]
Analogy ready but you can follow it.
[Laughs.]
These guys are using pry bar, the one tool they have for a lot of good.
They're ripping up the truck behind them, bring the wood on board with them so they can later throw that on as traps.
And they are powering North.
Hit me with the whistle.
[Blows whistle.]
These guys are on as stolen train but because they want to be inconspicuate- [Gibberish.]
You know, because they wanted to be inconspicuous, they can't arouse any suspicion.
So they are playing it cool.
They're acting natural.
We are at normal locomotive.
[Blows whistle.]
That was just me turning out.
[Laughing.]
To do some light demolition work, you know, knocking out some telegraphs, and they pass a train called The Yonah which isn't moving currently and they should maybe do something to it.
But at this point they're more concerned with getting caught than with doing anything else.
So they just leave it be which may prove to be detrimental to their plan.
So Fuller and his boys are chasing and they're pumping away and they're pumping all the way and of course they see the Yonah, so Fuller and his boys are running and just screaming "This is amazing! We don't have to pump anymore! We don't have to pump anymore!" And I mean, I'm sure that's the conversation.
I don't know.
I've never been on a train in which I was imperative to the train moving.
[Burps, belching.]
[Laughing.]
[Belching.]
Wow.
[Whistle blows.]
What the f was I saying? Oh! So, Fuller and his boys started coming up and they're like "Oh, shit! You've got to be kidding me! A traffic jam!" They see another train called The Smith ahead of the traffic block, and they sprint ahead to the track To The Smith.
They get on The Smith and they're like, "Yes, dude! Now we're on The Smith.
Now we're cruising!" So the General is powering through but The Smith is getting closer so Andrews, they're they're pow Now they're getting a little scared because they can - hear the whistle of The Smith.
- A whistle? Uh, yeah, they can hear the whistle of The Smith which sounds like [Blows whistle.]
[Chuckles.]
It's super low and just kind of quick.
Do a little.
[Whistle toots.]
So, uh, The General keeps powering through.
Another train's going the other way, The Texas.
They find themselves in a situation where they're like, let The Texas pass.
The Texas goes the other way.
So [Unclear.]
Smith's on the tracks.
[Laughter.]
Oh my God, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
So Fuller and his boys see that the tracks ahead of them are smashed and they pull the brakes to halt.
So they jump into their third train but their fifth mode of transportation.
They jump into a train called The Texas.
Pro: very fast train.
Con: facing the other way on the tracks.
I mean [Laughs.]
I just too said I mean.
[Laughs.]
Are you familiar with George Clooney's Casamigos? - Yeah.
- Hey, su casa es mi casa, Clooney.
I'm hammered.
[Laughter.]
This is all imperative to the shoot, trust me.
And we're finished one bottle of tequila, minus one shot to our host Derek.
[Laughs.]
Oh.
Awesome.
This is a terrible idea.
[Laughs.]
[Music.]
So here we are, the third act of our climactic action sequence.
We're in the heart of it all yet didn't make like were talking about like train cars coming from the north.
But we're having the most beautiful train rides, the most beautiful and here we are, having a fucking train ride.
I realized halfway through that that I didn't even know why I was talking about that.
[Laughs.]
Now I know I'm drunk because I'm incorrect.
- You're doing so good, buddy.
- Uh Here we are.
Sorry.
[Laughter.]
So Fuller and his boys are going, "Oh, here we go.
We're gonna catch 'em.
" The General sees that they're getting caught up on.
So Andrews start throwing out ideas.
He's like, "Bro, we gotta do something.
Let's uh uncouple a couple of our boxcars.
Release the train cars.
" And everyone's going, "Good plan, boss.
" So they pull the little thing [Burps.]
Jesus Christ.
It's going to be a long night.
Um, so they release a few train cars to just fall behind them and The Texas is able to, since they're driving backwards, just add those train cars to its path.
[Laughs.]
And here's where it gets really crazy; The General starts as much as I'm running out of steam telling this story, The General actually runs out of steam and they need to add power.
They're running out of coal.
They can't keep the fire you know they're all putting stuff in the back.
They start burning papers, hats.
They throw Andrews' saddlebags in, they throw everything, and it's not enough.
The train runs out of gas.
So [Groans.]
Andrew and his Raiders is like, "Boys, this is the end of the ride, 87 miles in.
" So our boys get caught and they are court-martialed.
Andrews is that the gallows, noose around his neck going, "Well, that plan backfired.
I guess I'm getting hung now.
" Andrews and seven of his compatriots are hung.
Six Raiders go back to the Union Army on a prisoner exchange.
Joseph M.
Holt, the Advocate General of the U.
S.
Army says to these guys, "I'm going to give you guys the first-ever medal of honour.
" I love this story.
I wish more people knew how crazy the Civil War was, besides how crazy the Civil War was.
Yeah, no, I get it.
I'm not standing on a fucking lone island saying that the Civil War was nuts, but the Civil War is nuts, if you consider all the shit we've dealt with and all the shit we're gonna deal with.
[Horn toots.]
[Flowing orchestral music.]