Ducktales (1987) s01e33 Episode Script
Back to the Klondike
Life is like a hurricane Here in Duckburg Racecars, lasers, aeroplanes It's a duck blur Might solve a mystery Or rewrite history DuckTales Ooh-ooh Every day they're out there making DuckTales Ooh-ooh Tales of derring-do bad and good luck tales D-D-D-Danger! Watch behind you There's a stranger out to find you What to do? Just grab on to some DuckTales Ooh-ooh Every day they're out there making DuckTales Ooh-ooh Tales of derring-do bad and good luck tales Ooh-ooh Not ponytails or cottontails, no DuckTales Ooh-ooh Aah, there's nothing like a quiet evening at home.
Love is a many-feathered thing And it's as sweet as the song I sing What's going on here? It's almost Valentine's Day, Uncle Scrooge.
- So we're making valentines.
- Or something like that.
Bah! If you ask me, this Valentine's Day business is a waste of time and postage stamps.
Say, Huey, have you got any more glue? No, but I think I know where we can find some.
Ah, come on.
There's nothing in that dusty old closet but mothballs.
Uh, hello, kids.
I was checking to see if any change fell out of my pockets.
Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Hmm Ah, Uncle Scrooge, I thought you said valentines were a waste of stamps.
They are.
This old valentine was hand-delivered to me on a mountaintop back when my wallet was as skinny as my legs back when I was a prospector or me.
And it was there that I met Glittering Goldie, the greediest gal in the Klondike.
I'm just a poor girl Bashful and shy Honest and truthful I can't tell a lie My needs are quite simple They're modest and small Just listen while I tell you all Yeah Don't care for diamonds, rubies or pearls Don't care for fur coats like some other girls Just give me the one thing that's easy to spend Gold nuggets are my own friend Yeah! Gold nuggets are my truest friend Mm, I love that sound.
Now, there's a gal with good sense.
Give me a mint soda, heavy on the mint and heavy on the soda.
Well, well, well.
If it isn't Scrounge McDuck.
Do I get my soda or not, Dangerous Dan? How are you gonna pay for it - with gold dust or trail dust? Now, I want drinks for everyone in the house who didn't laugh at me.
I'd never laugh at a duck with a gold nugget like this.
Care to join me and the boys for a friendly little card game, feather face? Your nugget can join us, too.
That's enough for me.
That cleans me out.
Doggone it! Shee-oot! Don't mind if I do.
Well, Goldie, the only way you can win is with the ace of hearts.
Ooh! What do you know? This is my lucky day.
Too bad it isn't yours.
Well, knock me over with a twig.
Out of a whole deck of cards, what are the chances of Goldie getting an ace of hearts? An ace of hearts? An ace of hearts? Come back here, you little cheater! Ooh! You wanna dance? I sure cooled him off, didn't I? Ha-ha! Whoa! Whoa! Huh? - I'll trouble you for my gold nugget, ma'am.
- I haven't got it, sourdough.
Then I'll be forced to call the mounted police.
Wait.
Don't call the police.
I'll, uh, I'll dig you another gold nugget.
Ha! With all due respect, ma'am, you wouldn't know how to earn an honest living if you tried.
Oh, yeah? Just watch me.
Last one to your claim is a worthless nugget.
Where is your claim, anyway? White Agony Creek.
Gold nuggets are my truest friend Goldie turned out to be the hardest worker I ever knew.
Next to myself.
We worked my claim together through all kinds of weather.
I grew very fond of that gal.
When spring came, we had a big pile of gold and even bigger plans for the future.
I'll meet you at the train station at midnight, partner.
I'll be there, partner.
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-ee! Duckburg, here we come! Oh, Goldie, Goldie Give me your answer due I love nuggets Almost as much as you Curse me kilts! We've been robbed! Have you seen Goldie? I've got to tell her - we've been robbed! Why, Goldie skipped town.
Said she came into a stash of gold.
Wants to start a honky-tonk of her own.
And so I moved far, far away to Red Agony Creek, where I became a hermit and mined my fortune alone.
'Course, I never was as happy at Red Agony Creek as I was at White Agony.
Aw, you miss her, don't you, Uncle Scrooge? Sometimes, Webby.
Do you still think there's gold at White Agony, Uncle Scrooge? Could be, Dewey.
I only took a wee bit out of that claim.
Wait a minute.
It's still my claim.
Boys, back your bags.
We're going to the Klondike! Yippee! I'll show you the town, and we'll go to my claim.
And who knows? We might even find Goldie! Uh, gold.
Ah, lads, I can't wait to show you Dangerous Dan's Honky-tonk.
It's the wildest, rootin' tootin'-est on Earth! Uh Where's all the rootin' and tootin', Uncle Scrooge? Obviously, someplace else, kids.
Scrooge is back! And I smell money.
No, I think it's my aftershave.
Ah, here we are, White Agony Creek, my old home, sweet home.
Well, knock me out with a raindrop.
Someone's living in my cabin, rent-free! Egad! Must be cutthroat claim-jumpers! Lay low, lads.
I'll wait till nightfall to sneak up and disarm the rogues.
I know this place like the back of my head.
Now, don't get your fur up, you great brute.
This land you've been sleeping on belongs to me.
Let me show you around the place.
Ohh! Climb a tree, Uncle Scrooge! He's way too big to climb up after you! Climb higher, Uncle Scrooge! How in the world did my top hat get way up here? Uh-oh.
Ye-ow! Unfortunately, according to the Junior Woodchucks Guidebook, chapter 22, paragraph nine Bears can swim.
Whoa! Hey! That bear and that claim-jumper are friends with each other.
Well, they sure aren't friends with Uncle Scrooge.
Ohh Hmm.
Scrooge McDuck didn't come back to the Klondike for his health.
That's for sure.
There must still be gold on this old claim! According to the Junior Woodchucks Guidebook, bears are attracted to honey.
As soon you see him coming, stop running, Uncle Scrooge.
Don't worry, lads.
Anything else I should know? Yeah! That bear's not wasting any time.
I sure hope this works.
Ah, don't worry, Louie.
The Junior Woodchucks bear-catching plan is foolproof.
Foolproof, yes.
Bear-proof, no! There's only one way to stop that bear.
Come on! Quackerooni! You're a lady claim-jumper! And darn proud of it.
What do you yahoos want? Hey, lady, you gotta call off your bear before he eats Uncle Scrooge.
Scrooge? As in Scrooge McDuck? Uh-huh.
So, the no-good varmint is back.
Oh, I can't let him see me like this.
Holy smoke! Why, you must be Glittering Goldie.
That's right.
And I can still glitter with the best of 'em.
Are you going to help Uncle Scrooge? Nope.
I'm gonna try to get another shot at him.
Ah-whoo! Start running, Scrooge McDuck.
I'll give you a sporting chance.
Why, Glittering Goldie.
You're the claim-jumper? Had no place else to go when they closed up the town.
The gold in these parts ran out right after you left.
I left to forget, but a day hasn't gone by I haven't thought of you.
Oh, really? You could always charm the quills off of a porcupine.
Oh, yuck! He's holding hands with her.
Well, it's better than holding hands with that bear.
If you say so.
Remember how we planned to leave the Klondike together? But you left with our gold instead of leaving with me.
I did not.
You left without me.
Only because you left without me.
I didn't steal your gold, you varmint! Come out of there, you rat! Hold your fire, Goldie, girl! You just wounded about a million dollars in gold! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
She chased him over this hill.
There's only one thing I hate worse than holding hands with a girl - dancing with one.
We'll mine it together, just like the last time.
Aye.
And your share should be just enough to pay me back for what you took from me the last time.
- I didn't take that gold.
- Oh, come now, Goldie.
I'm not the young fool I used to be.
Nah.
Now you're just an old fool.
Well, I believe both of them.
Come one, Blackjack.
Let's go stay in town a while.
Are you sure she took your gold, Uncle Scrooge? Come on, lads.
Nothing like hard work to clear the head.
We'll let them do all the work, but we'll be the ones spending Scrooge's gold.
Heard you were back in town, Goldie.
Dangerous Dan! - Got any plans for tonight? - Yep.
And as usual, they ain't gonna be with you! Ah, come on, Goldie.
We'll take a little ride, shoot a little target-practice, rob a little train.
Scrooge is on that train.
Ohh! Does that bother you? Shoot.
He's a bigger knothead than you are.
And I want nothing to do with him or his gold.
Ah, she's not coming.
- Still in love with Scrooge, huh? - Nah.
She hates him even worse than she hates me.
Ah! You lucky guy.
- Hah! - Hah! Well, I guess I'll never see Goldie again.
It's safer that way, Uncle Scrooge.
Ahh.
But she sure was pretty.
Dangerous Dan! Hey, watch out! Whoa! One of them's on the roof, Uncle Scrooge! If they stop the train, we're done for.
Scrooge! End of the line, pal.
It's not polite to point.
Let's dance.
Whoa! I've been waiting a long time for this.
Huh? I should have caught a different train.
Takes more than you to put me down, Dangerous Da Looks like I got the best of you again, Scrooge McDuck.
Again? You've never got the best of me, Dangerous Dan! Oh, yeah? Years ago, I stole your last shipment of Klondike gold.
Then when you came looking for Goldie I made you think she did it! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Dangerous Dan, you're so low, you have to look up to see a snake.
I figure, now that I'm rich, maybe Glittering Goldie will be my valentine.
Maybe not.
Scrooge, are you all right? I am now, lassie.
But for all these years, I've been all wrong.
The moon looks like a big gold nugget.
Oh, Scroogie-pooh, there is a romantic side to you.
Sure you won't come with me? I'm sorry, Scrooge.
White Agony is my home now.
I understand.
There's something I want you to have.
Ooh.
A valentine.
No, Goldie.
Something better.
It's the deed to my claim and all the gold left in it.
You sure are something, Scrooge McDuck.
Oh, it's the least I can do, Goldie girl.
You didn't steal my gold, but I'm afraid you've stolen my heart.
Love is a many-feathered thing And it's as sweet as the song I sing What's going on here? It's almost Valentine's Day, Uncle Scrooge.
- So we're making valentines.
- Or something like that.
Bah! If you ask me, this Valentine's Day business is a waste of time and postage stamps.
Say, Huey, have you got any more glue? No, but I think I know where we can find some.
Ah, come on.
There's nothing in that dusty old closet but mothballs.
Uh, hello, kids.
I was checking to see if any change fell out of my pockets.
Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Hmm Ah, Uncle Scrooge, I thought you said valentines were a waste of stamps.
They are.
This old valentine was hand-delivered to me on a mountaintop back when my wallet was as skinny as my legs back when I was a prospector or me.
And it was there that I met Glittering Goldie, the greediest gal in the Klondike.
I'm just a poor girl Bashful and shy Honest and truthful I can't tell a lie My needs are quite simple They're modest and small Just listen while I tell you all Yeah Don't care for diamonds, rubies or pearls Don't care for fur coats like some other girls Just give me the one thing that's easy to spend Gold nuggets are my own friend Yeah! Gold nuggets are my truest friend Mm, I love that sound.
Now, there's a gal with good sense.
Give me a mint soda, heavy on the mint and heavy on the soda.
Well, well, well.
If it isn't Scrounge McDuck.
Do I get my soda or not, Dangerous Dan? How are you gonna pay for it - with gold dust or trail dust? Now, I want drinks for everyone in the house who didn't laugh at me.
I'd never laugh at a duck with a gold nugget like this.
Care to join me and the boys for a friendly little card game, feather face? Your nugget can join us, too.
That's enough for me.
That cleans me out.
Doggone it! Shee-oot! Don't mind if I do.
Well, Goldie, the only way you can win is with the ace of hearts.
Ooh! What do you know? This is my lucky day.
Too bad it isn't yours.
Well, knock me over with a twig.
Out of a whole deck of cards, what are the chances of Goldie getting an ace of hearts? An ace of hearts? An ace of hearts? Come back here, you little cheater! Ooh! You wanna dance? I sure cooled him off, didn't I? Ha-ha! Whoa! Whoa! Huh? - I'll trouble you for my gold nugget, ma'am.
- I haven't got it, sourdough.
Then I'll be forced to call the mounted police.
Wait.
Don't call the police.
I'll, uh, I'll dig you another gold nugget.
Ha! With all due respect, ma'am, you wouldn't know how to earn an honest living if you tried.
Oh, yeah? Just watch me.
Last one to your claim is a worthless nugget.
Where is your claim, anyway? White Agony Creek.
Gold nuggets are my truest friend Goldie turned out to be the hardest worker I ever knew.
Next to myself.
We worked my claim together through all kinds of weather.
I grew very fond of that gal.
When spring came, we had a big pile of gold and even bigger plans for the future.
I'll meet you at the train station at midnight, partner.
I'll be there, partner.
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-ee! Duckburg, here we come! Oh, Goldie, Goldie Give me your answer due I love nuggets Almost as much as you Curse me kilts! We've been robbed! Have you seen Goldie? I've got to tell her - we've been robbed! Why, Goldie skipped town.
Said she came into a stash of gold.
Wants to start a honky-tonk of her own.
And so I moved far, far away to Red Agony Creek, where I became a hermit and mined my fortune alone.
'Course, I never was as happy at Red Agony Creek as I was at White Agony.
Aw, you miss her, don't you, Uncle Scrooge? Sometimes, Webby.
Do you still think there's gold at White Agony, Uncle Scrooge? Could be, Dewey.
I only took a wee bit out of that claim.
Wait a minute.
It's still my claim.
Boys, back your bags.
We're going to the Klondike! Yippee! I'll show you the town, and we'll go to my claim.
And who knows? We might even find Goldie! Uh, gold.
Ah, lads, I can't wait to show you Dangerous Dan's Honky-tonk.
It's the wildest, rootin' tootin'-est on Earth! Uh Where's all the rootin' and tootin', Uncle Scrooge? Obviously, someplace else, kids.
Scrooge is back! And I smell money.
No, I think it's my aftershave.
Ah, here we are, White Agony Creek, my old home, sweet home.
Well, knock me out with a raindrop.
Someone's living in my cabin, rent-free! Egad! Must be cutthroat claim-jumpers! Lay low, lads.
I'll wait till nightfall to sneak up and disarm the rogues.
I know this place like the back of my head.
Now, don't get your fur up, you great brute.
This land you've been sleeping on belongs to me.
Let me show you around the place.
Ohh! Climb a tree, Uncle Scrooge! He's way too big to climb up after you! Climb higher, Uncle Scrooge! How in the world did my top hat get way up here? Uh-oh.
Ye-ow! Unfortunately, according to the Junior Woodchucks Guidebook, chapter 22, paragraph nine Bears can swim.
Whoa! Hey! That bear and that claim-jumper are friends with each other.
Well, they sure aren't friends with Uncle Scrooge.
Ohh Hmm.
Scrooge McDuck didn't come back to the Klondike for his health.
That's for sure.
There must still be gold on this old claim! According to the Junior Woodchucks Guidebook, bears are attracted to honey.
As soon you see him coming, stop running, Uncle Scrooge.
Don't worry, lads.
Anything else I should know? Yeah! That bear's not wasting any time.
I sure hope this works.
Ah, don't worry, Louie.
The Junior Woodchucks bear-catching plan is foolproof.
Foolproof, yes.
Bear-proof, no! There's only one way to stop that bear.
Come on! Quackerooni! You're a lady claim-jumper! And darn proud of it.
What do you yahoos want? Hey, lady, you gotta call off your bear before he eats Uncle Scrooge.
Scrooge? As in Scrooge McDuck? Uh-huh.
So, the no-good varmint is back.
Oh, I can't let him see me like this.
Holy smoke! Why, you must be Glittering Goldie.
That's right.
And I can still glitter with the best of 'em.
Are you going to help Uncle Scrooge? Nope.
I'm gonna try to get another shot at him.
Ah-whoo! Start running, Scrooge McDuck.
I'll give you a sporting chance.
Why, Glittering Goldie.
You're the claim-jumper? Had no place else to go when they closed up the town.
The gold in these parts ran out right after you left.
I left to forget, but a day hasn't gone by I haven't thought of you.
Oh, really? You could always charm the quills off of a porcupine.
Oh, yuck! He's holding hands with her.
Well, it's better than holding hands with that bear.
If you say so.
Remember how we planned to leave the Klondike together? But you left with our gold instead of leaving with me.
I did not.
You left without me.
Only because you left without me.
I didn't steal your gold, you varmint! Come out of there, you rat! Hold your fire, Goldie, girl! You just wounded about a million dollars in gold! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
She chased him over this hill.
There's only one thing I hate worse than holding hands with a girl - dancing with one.
We'll mine it together, just like the last time.
Aye.
And your share should be just enough to pay me back for what you took from me the last time.
- I didn't take that gold.
- Oh, come now, Goldie.
I'm not the young fool I used to be.
Nah.
Now you're just an old fool.
Well, I believe both of them.
Come one, Blackjack.
Let's go stay in town a while.
Are you sure she took your gold, Uncle Scrooge? Come on, lads.
Nothing like hard work to clear the head.
We'll let them do all the work, but we'll be the ones spending Scrooge's gold.
Heard you were back in town, Goldie.
Dangerous Dan! - Got any plans for tonight? - Yep.
And as usual, they ain't gonna be with you! Ah, come on, Goldie.
We'll take a little ride, shoot a little target-practice, rob a little train.
Scrooge is on that train.
Ohh! Does that bother you? Shoot.
He's a bigger knothead than you are.
And I want nothing to do with him or his gold.
Ah, she's not coming.
- Still in love with Scrooge, huh? - Nah.
She hates him even worse than she hates me.
Ah! You lucky guy.
- Hah! - Hah! Well, I guess I'll never see Goldie again.
It's safer that way, Uncle Scrooge.
Ahh.
But she sure was pretty.
Dangerous Dan! Hey, watch out! Whoa! One of them's on the roof, Uncle Scrooge! If they stop the train, we're done for.
Scrooge! End of the line, pal.
It's not polite to point.
Let's dance.
Whoa! I've been waiting a long time for this.
Huh? I should have caught a different train.
Takes more than you to put me down, Dangerous Da Looks like I got the best of you again, Scrooge McDuck.
Again? You've never got the best of me, Dangerous Dan! Oh, yeah? Years ago, I stole your last shipment of Klondike gold.
Then when you came looking for Goldie I made you think she did it! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Dangerous Dan, you're so low, you have to look up to see a snake.
I figure, now that I'm rich, maybe Glittering Goldie will be my valentine.
Maybe not.
Scrooge, are you all right? I am now, lassie.
But for all these years, I've been all wrong.
The moon looks like a big gold nugget.
Oh, Scroogie-pooh, there is a romantic side to you.
Sure you won't come with me? I'm sorry, Scrooge.
White Agony is my home now.
I understand.
There's something I want you to have.
Ooh.
A valentine.
No, Goldie.
Something better.
It's the deed to my claim and all the gold left in it.
You sure are something, Scrooge McDuck.
Oh, it's the least I can do, Goldie girl.
You didn't steal my gold, but I'm afraid you've stolen my heart.