Empty Nest (1988) s01e03 Episode Script

Life goes on and so do we just how we do it is no mystery Sometimes the answer can be hard to find that's something I will never be I'm always here for anything that you need Rain or shine I'll be the one to share it all as life goes on We share it all as life goes on so, what do we got? She won't take her shot.
I tried to explain to her it would only hurt a teensy bit.
That didn't work.
I offered her a dollar, that didn't work.
Nor was she moved by my "friendly Mr.
needle" argument.
Now back home, we drop a chipmunk down her shirt.
And by the time they got it out, shot would be all over.
Think I can handle this.
If I were you, I'd approach her carefully.
- Why? - You'll see.
Jennifer, dear, what happened since I left the room? Go on.
Jennifer, all the Near as I can figure the twilight zone starts at the end of the table.
That's amazing.
Now between you and me, this ain't helping morale out in the waiting room.
All right, Jennifer, dear.
I'm putting this right down here.
I'm reaching into my pocket, and pulling out a magical tootsie pop.
I get so excited when something actually goes right.
Jennifer, come on.
I want you to have this tootsie pop.
But I want you to have that medicine too, because your sick, baby.
And it's gonna make you better.
Now you know how grown-ups are always saying, "this is gonna hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you"? Not true.
But it's not all that bad, either.
And to prove it, if it does hurt too much, you can kick me in the shins as hard as you like.
And you still get the tootsie pop.
Deal? - Deal! - All right.
Now get up here.
Good girl.
All right, now you look at that picture over there.
Ready? Okay? Now squeeze your nose.
Hard, real hard.
Really hard, real hard.
Then one, two, three Then it's done.
Aah.
Are my shins safe? All right, it's tootsie pop time! Good girl.
I have to talk to you.
No, I don't Don't talk to me.
Don't say anything.
Whenever you say, "I have to talk to you," it's bad news.
It's your daughter, Barbara.
I just spoke to her lieutenant at the station.
What happened? What, what? She's okay, she's fine.
What do you mean, "she's okay, she's fine?" People don't say, "she's okay, she's fine," if she's okay and she's fine.
But she is fine.
She's at Fillmore hospital, but she's all right.
Now here are your car keys.
If she's at the hospital she's not all right.
I'm a doctor, I know these things.
Where are my keys? - You're holding them.
- Uh, how did she get hurt? Well She got Shot a little bit.
Cotton? How is she? Oh, she's fine.
It's just a clean flesh wound.
Who are you? Dr.
Weston, her father.
Oh, hi, Harry.
Hi, who are you? Mitch.
Mitch halpern? Oh, Mitch.
Hi.
I didn't recognize you without your mustache.
You look good.
Daddy, is that you? Oh, sweetheart.
Sweetheart, you're awake.
Yes, but I'm totally loaded.
What are you using? Fersen alfenta.
She's totally loaded.
Baby, where were you shot? In butt city.
Heinyville.
Keister land.
Sweetheart, shut up, you're stoned.
Oh, this is awful.
You had the cutest little Po-po I ever saw.
Still looks pretty good to me.
Hey, this is my daughter.
You just keep her loaded.
Harry, we're trying to work here? I'm I'm sorry, Mitch.
I'm a little upset.
It happens every time one of my children gets shot.
It's a quirk of mine, forgive me.
But don't forgive me yet, because I'm not finished.
Barbara, I cannot stand you being a cop.
I just lost your mother And I cannot take the thought of losing you.
So you gotta quit.
You hear that? You promise me you'll quit.
Are you talking to me, daddy? Yeah, Harry.
I'm gonna have a big argument with my son next week about his girlfriend.
Is it okay if we come over to your office to do it? All right, Mitch.
I'm sorry.
That's okay.
It's okay.
Now she's gonna be uncomfortable for a couple of days.
Okay, now honey, you'll stay with me.
And I'll take care of you like old times.
Actually, I never did take care of you, did I? Your mother did that.
But it'll be like the old times we never had.
Get out, Harry.
I just want to talk to my little girl, here.
- Get out, dad.
- Yeah, get out, dad.
It's unanimous.
Oh, all right.
All right, all right.
But I'm taking you home with me, tonight.
- Harry.
- Yes, right, get out.
But please, take good care of her.
Harry, trust us.
We're professionals.
Po-po clamp.
- How are you feeling? - Fine.
- Can I help you? - No, I'm fine.
Are you sure? Yeah, I just feel a little silly, that's all.
There is no reason to feel silly.
Here, let me adjust your seahorsey.
A seahorse is what you get when your father's a pediatrician.
All right, let's go! Oh, dreyfuss.
Look at this.
Two of my little girls back home with me.
I can walk across the room any time I want, and kiss their beautiful faces.
Muah! Muah! I love this, I love this.
If your sister Emily, were home from school I would burst with happiness.
- Are you finished? - Yes No.
Now, yes.
No! Well, if you think you feel good now, wait till you've eaten a decent meal.
I'm making roast chicken.
Ooh, I love your roast chicken! Hi, everybody.
So, we're having roast chicken, huh? I haven't even started cooking yet, how did you know? I was listening outside the door.
Well, why don't you go outside again.
You can listen to us eating.
Is somebody going to explain this? Or are we just going to pretend Barbara's not sitting on a seahorse? Barbara got shot.
You mean Carol, don't you? Why would anybody want to shoot Barbara? You know, you really ought to find a less dangerous line of work.
It was a freaky thing, I got hit by a ricochet.
Ricochet? No kidding.
Hey, do they really sound like No, that's the sound of an idiot.
My, aren't we touchy? Somebody hasn't been dating.
Charley! Charley, Charley, Charley.
I was having a wonderful evening with my two daughters.
Go home.
What about my roast chicken? Don't they feed you on the ship of fools? I don't have to stand here and take that.
But can I? No.
Get out.
Okay.
But I'm gonna go home and cry in my beer.
You know what's really sick? I've dated guys worse than him.
The man is not perfect.
But he did say one thing that makes sense.
Your job is dangerous.
Daddy, don't start again.
I'm already started, Barbara.
I hate you being a cop.
I'd feel much better if you got some nice, dull job like your sister.
Oh, now I'm in trouble with the other one, here.
I know what you're trying to say, daddy.
And I happen to agree with you.
Dreyfuss, get that, will you? Some day he's gonna surprise me.
Come on, let's go.
How could you do such a rotten thing? I can't believe you'd stoop so low.
What did I do? "What did I do?" You took his side as usual.
All I told him was I agree with him.
Anything I ever wanted or ever said that he didn't agree with, you always took his side.
And frankly, I'm fed up with it.
Barbara, I don't believe this.
You have always gotten your own way.
Oh, please.
It's true.
You got dance lessons, I got braces.
You got all the ice cream you wanted.
I got, "watch it, you're getting chunky.
" - Oh, Carol.
- And remember the baby chicks? What baby chicks? The identical baby chicks daddy gave us for easter one year? The next day you ran into the house crying and said, "Carol, your chick's dead.
" It was your chick.
Is has that same depressing peep that you do! Why are you doing this? Why are you jumping all over me? You started it.
You and daddy yelling at me about my job.
I'm sorry, Barbara.
For once in my life I was worried about you.
For forgive me, it won't happen again.
- I'm leaving.
- I am back.
And you won't have to listen to my depressing peep anymore.
She peeped? What peep? Who peeped? I'm fed up with you and her putting my job down.
That's nothing to get angry about, dear.
We feel that way because we care about you! Don't matter what you say, I'm going back to work.
I got back to the house, I said, "hey, maybe I was a little too hard on Carol.
" So I came back to apologize.
You're too late.
Ah, to hell with her.
You cook the chicken.
Well, nothing's changed.
Stale donuts and the same ugly faces.
Hey, what do you know? Look who's back! All: I hear you got a little "behind" in your work.
Hey, Weston.
Want to show us your injury? How would you like to kiss my injury? - Hey, Weston.
- Hi, lieutenant.
Good to see ya.
I hear you got a little "behind" in your work.
Lieutenant, we already did that.
Oh.
Okay, well, good to see you back, Weston.
Oh, lieutenant.
While I was recuperating, I think I figured out an angle on that car theft ring, i Oh, ah, hey, don't worry about that.
We put hillshire on that case.
What do you mean? That's my assignment.
I've been working on that for six months.
Yeah, well, we got something much more pressing for you right now.
You know, we really need help cross-checking all the dealers in dade county.
But that's a desk job.
Yeah, well, you're more valuable here.
Wait a second.
I don't understand this.
I belong out on the street.
Look, I never liked the idea of girls working undercover.
You know, if you were my daughter, young lady, I wouldn't want you out on the street.
But I'm not your daughter.
Well, the guy whose daughter you are doesn't want you out there, either.
What are you talking about? Look.
Your father came down here, and he and I had a little chat about you.
Let me get this straight.
My father came down here and told you to give me a desk job and you listened to him? Well, he made a lot of sense.
Look, I got daughters myself.
And, well, frankly I guess I'm not as pro-feminist as I seem.
Hey, Weston.
Welcome back.
Heard you got a little behind in your work.
The lab called, the mcclane boys tests were negative.
Dr.
petri wants to see you for a consultation at 3:00.
Starting at 1:30, you've got four appointments.
Three streps and a mumps.
Your subscription on boy's life run out and you don't have to be at the hospital until 6:00.
And that sneaky Hodges boy keeps stealing the legos.
Thank you, robo-nurse.
Letter from home, huh? Tuesday was the saddest day the history of hickory, Arkansas.
Uncle Walter died.
He was loved by all.
Oh, Laverne.
I'm sorry to hear that.
He weighed 672 pounds.
- That's big.
- Mm-hmm.
One night watched uncle Walter eat an entire sack of potatoes.
A couple of gallons of pork and beans, and a half-dozen loaves of stale sourdough bread Louise pritchard had brung back from San Francisco where she's visitin' her homosexual nephew Clifford.
You' kidding me.
I swear to you.
She visits him once a year.
He works in a night club where he dresses up like Joan rivers.
You find this amusing.
No, no.
I'm sorry.
Jimmy Hodges, I'm gonna cut me a switch.
You get back here with them legos.
Hey, baby.
How are you? I wanna talk to you.
Now.
Oh, what's the matter, sweetheart? You seem a little upset.
I am more than a little upset with you, daddy.
I'm furious.
Ah, I had a little chat with lieutenant metcalf you had absolutely no right to butt in to my work like that and take over like I don't exist! - Look, i - No, you look! I am a grown woman.
But as long as you keep insisting on treating me like a child, I want you to stay the hell out of my life.
Red Chevy Van.
Florida license plates number dfb8.
No, "d" as in desk.
"F" as in file.
"B" as in boring.
Hi.
What are you doing here? Felt kind of bad about the way we left things.
So I thought I'd come over and Are all these men here all the time? What do you want, Carol? Preferably one with a full head of hair, and a college education.
Uh, just a suggestion.
Never undercover as a Kelly girl.
These all have to be redone.
Barbara, daddy's miserable.
Daddy's miserable? Yes, he misses you.
It's been six days.
How long before you two make up? You're wasting your time, Carol.
After what daddy did to me, I'm not making up with him.
You know, I didn't speak to mom once.
For two whole months.
I was so proud of myself.
It took every ounce of will power I had.
Not to give in.
And we lived in the same house.
Now that she's gone I can never get those two months back.
You might want to think about that.
By the way, you spelled "bloodbath" wrong.
I know you're in there, I'd recognize that eye anywhere.
Sweetheart, I don't see your eye anymore.
Barbara, dear, come on.
Let me in, please.
Barbara? Barbara, let me in.
Or I will start singing and I will embarrass you in front of all your neighbors.
Barbara? Whether I'm right or whether I'm wrong let him in! Whether I find a place on this earth Or never belong I've gotta be me let him in! I've gotta be me Barbara, I came to apologize.
I am sorry they took you off the streets.
I'm not sorry-sorry, but I am sorry that I had anything to do with it at all.
If indeed I did.
The point is, I should not have butted in to your life.
No, daddy, you shouldn't have.
I am an adult.
I mean, I don't need anyone looking after me.
I have my own job.
My own apartment.
My own food.
I have my own lettuce.
I have my own rice cakes.
I have my own early pregnancy test.
I didn't see that.
I don't what? What are you doing with this? I'm screwing this up.
All right.
Aw, Barbara.
I hate it when you're mad at me.
Especially the silent treatment.
Your mother used to do that to me too, you know.
And sometimes I could joke her out of it.
But I have much too much respect for you.
And this is too important between us to try to pull anything like that.
By the way, did I mention I saw Elvis Presley last week? I know he's supposed to be dead, but I swear I saw him mowing a lawn in boca raton.
Oh, baby gonna mow the grass pretty baby, oh thank you, thank you.
Thank you, very much.
Not even a smile, you are tough.
Get that from your mother too.
If she didn't feel like laughing, forget about it.
As I recall, the only thing that could get her to laugh, and you kids Was Mr.
bag head! Come on, your mother loved me like this.
On formal occasions I had a black bag.
Oh, baby.
Come on.
Go easy on me, I'm running out of tricks here.
The only other thing I can think of that would make your mother laugh, is something I'm not about to do in front of my own daughter.
Suffice it to say it requires my wearing something with an elastic waistband, and there is some ventriloquism involved.
Oh, honey.
Don't leave.
Don't go.
If you do, I'm lost.
Tell me what it is you wanna hear.
I will say it.
Why can't you let me live my life the way I want to? Because I can't handle it.
Being a cop is what I do.
It's what I am.
And when you took that away from me, you took too much.
All right.
You know, you're right.
You're right.
All right, tomorrow I'll go and I'll talk to your lieutenant.
Tell him I've reconsidered, and I want you back in the line of fire, okay? You're doing the same thing all over again.
I don't want you to go to the station.
That's for me to do.
I will take care of the lieutenant.
Now you have got to understand.
I'm not daddy's little girl anymore.
You've gotta let go.
Let go.
Sure.
I mean, I can let go.
Watch.
Aah, letting go.
I let, it's done.
And you'll be okay when I get reassigned back to the streets? Weren't you here for the letting go thing? What about when I go back undercover? Uh-huh.
And I go on another drug bust? - Uh-huh.
- Even if there's shooting.
Hmm.
Please go easy on me, baby.
I'm a rookie at this "letting go" stuff.
I just wanna make sure you're not gonna interfere with my work again.
Okay.
I'll try.
I promise.
Okay.
Oh! Oh, good.
Muah.
But hey, hey, hey.
Let's be careful out there.
Hey.