Empty Nest (1988) s02e06 Episode Script

Life goes on and so do we just how we do it is no mystery one by one we fill the days we find a thousand different ways Sometimes the answer can be hard to find That's something I will never be I'm always here for anything that you need rain or shine I'll be the one to share it all as life goes on we share it all as life goes on I'm okay, dear.
I'm okay.
- Are you sure? - Yes.
It was just a little Fender bender.
No major damage.
Oh, Harry, I am so sorry.
I didn't see your car.
Well, no, it was my fault, rose.
I should have gotten out of your way.
It must be tough making a left in reverse.
I'm never quite sure how to signal for that.
Yeah.
Are you okay? I don't know.
Is it possible my feet could have expanded? - No, rose.
- Well, then I'm okay.
We better exchange licenses and information.
I'm fully insured.
I'm with the chapped hands people.
I think you mean the good hands people.
No, this is a small company in St.
olaf.
Now in case of an accident, there are certain rules that they insist we follow.
Rule number one: Check to see if any livestock was damaged.
I don't think that applies here.
Great.
Then we can skip this cpr step.
Now it says here that we should notify the police.
Dear, it's just a little dent in my Fender.
I don't think we have to notify the police.
Harry, these are the rules.
Okay.
Barbara.
Of course, your daughter's a policewoman.
- Hi, rose.
- Hello, rose.
Oh, hi, girls.
They are so lovely.
I don't care what blanche says.
I think they will find husbands.
Barbara dear, rose and I had a little accident.
Was anyone hurt? I'm fine.
Her feet may be expanding.
Well, as long as you two are okay.
Let's go.
Let's go.
I want to shop.
We're off to the mall.
Oh, are you going to the mall? I'm going to the mall.
Can I give you a lift? No, no, no, no, no.
Go.
Just go.
Harry, I just feel so awful about this.
Are you mad at me? Oh, honey, I'm not mad at you, and please don't worry about it.
I'll take it in for the repairs.
Oh, no, well, I can't let you pay for it.
Rose, I'm a pediatrician.
There's a flu epidemic.
I'm doing very well this month.
But it was my fault.
Oops, I just broke rule number four.
Rose, forget about the insurance.
I'll take care of it myself.
No, I will take your car in for repairs, and then you drive mine until yours is ready.
- No, rose.
- Harry, I insist.
Oh, rose.
Thank you so much.
You're so sweet.
Thanks.
Oh, it's nothing.
Besides, it was all my Oops.
I almost did it again.
Now come on, dreyfuss, I know you can do this.
I know you can.
Let's try it again.
Beg.
Beg.
Ah, ple-e-ease.
Dreyfuss! Come on.
Here.
Come on.
Hi, Harry.
Hi, Charles.
Harry, could you take a look? I think I got something in my eye.
No, it looks all right.
How about the other eye? No, there's nothing there.
I think it moved in my ear.
Oh, come on, Charley, no.
This is We went through this last year.
You're not getting a free physical out of me.
Aww.
Ehhh.
Come on.
Come on, Charley.
Daddy, you are not gonna believe what happened to us while we were shopping.
What? What happened? We were in the mall, and there was this guy kind of lurking around the lingerie department.
Yeah? Well, it turned out to be a holdup.
This guy pulls out a .
45 at the cashier's counter, but before he could do anything, your daughter clobbered him.
Barbara, my daughter the cop.
My big, brave, gutsy Barbara.
No, daddy, it wasn't me.
Carol did it.
What are you, crazy? Daddy? Well, honey, you could have gotten killed.
No, her instincts were excellent.
I mean, Carol just spotted the guy, and then she decked him.
- You punched him? - Well, not exactly.
See, I saw him pull the gun, and then, I don't know it must have been some kind of a reflex or something.
I just whacked him with my handbag.
That did it? Well it was my big Louis vuitton bag it was jammed with all my makeup and prescriptions.
The guy must be in a coma.
Charley, go home.
- What about my physical? - Go out.
Fine.
I'll leave the jar in your mailbox.
Hello? Oh, yes.
Oh, yeah, hold on.
Sure.
Hold on.
It's the police department.
- Oh.
- No, no.
It's for Carol.
Yes? Well, thank you.
No.
I can't believe it.
I had no idea.
Thank you.
What was that all about? That was the chief of police.
He called to congratulate me.
That guy I caught is an escaped felon.
You're kidding.
They've been looking for him for six months, and I caught him.
I'm so proud of you.
Barbara, aren't you proud of your sister? Yeah.
Excuse me, I'm rose nylund.
Is Dr.
Weston in? Oh, he's with a patient.
You must be his nurse.
Uh-huh.
I almost went into nursing, but it wasn't for me.
My hat kept falling off.
I haven't been in a pediatrician's office in so long.
Tell me, is 98.
6 still normal? Okay, so - Hello, rose.
- Oh, hi.
Harry, I didn't mean to bother you at work.
I just wanted to drop off the estimate.
Oh.
Thank you, dear.
The body shop people were very nice.
They're gonna start repairs tomorrow.
Rose, I had a little ding in my Fender.
This estimate is for $1,800.
I think they may be taking advantage of you.
Oh, no, when they heard a doctor was paying for the repairs, they couldn't have been more helpful.
They explained the entire procedure, everything from rotating the tires to lubricating the radio dials.
Lord, what did your mama teach you? All they got to do is remove the bumper, sand it, prime it, paint it, and buff it.
Hell, I'd do it myself, but I got the Plymouth up right now.
Rose, rose, you see, sometimes body shop people think that women don't much about cars, and they take advantage of them.
I'm going back to that body shop and give them a piece of my mind.
Well, I'm not sure that's the best weapon we got.
Rose, why don't we just make this simple? Now I have a body repair shop over on flagler Avenue.
I'll take it there myself.
No, Harry.
Your time is too important.
I'll take it in for repairs.
And, listen, feel free to use my car as long as you need it.
Well, thank you very much.
Oh, rose, about your car, what are those little things you have pasted on your windshield? Oh, those are stickers of dead bugs.
Stickers of dead bugs? As a warning.
So other bugs will see them and not smash into the window.
I've seen this before.
I'm guessin' inbreedin'.
I know.
I know.
I know.
More flowers for Carol.
I like being a hero.
You know, I haven't been this popular since I've never been this popular.
Package for Carol Weston.
I'll sign for it.
I'm Mr.
Carol Weston.
- Is that her? - Uh-huh.
She's even cuter than on the news.
Thank you.
Thank you, young man.
- Daddy, tip him.
- Yes, yes, yes.
Oh, look, it's from the girls in the lingerie department.
"You saved our butts.
Here's something for yours.
" Look.
Oh, look.
They're so pretty and Lacy, and you can see right through them.
Don't ever wear them.
Hi.
Barbara, you would not believe what's been going on here today.
Miami is very impressed with your sister.
Look what commissioner Martinez sent her.
Panties? No, no, no, the flowers.
Oh, they're nice.
You're not gonna believe what happened to me today.
- What? - We were in hot pursuit of this car thief.
We were chasing him at, like, 90 for over an hour.
- What happened? - He got away.
Oh.
Well, not all police work is glamorous.
Hi, Barbara.
Hi, Carol.
Hello, Harry.
Oh.
Charley.
All right, all right.
Hey, you guys should see this evening's paper.
Ours hasn't come in yet.
Yes, it has.
Take a look at this.
Oh, look, Barb.
We're in the paper.
"Hero captures fugitive as cop sister stands by.
" Well, I think they could have worded that a little differently.
It's no big deal.
It's okay.
Look, there's a picture on the next page.
Hey, hey, come here.
Are you sure you're okay about this? Daddy, don't worry.
I'm fine with it.
It's what happened, isn't it? Look, daddy.
Look how much cuter I am than Margaret Thatcher.
Lieutenant valdez? Barbara Weston.
Listen, I've changed my mind.
I would like to volunteer for that special assignment you talked about.
Yes, I know.
I understand what's involved.
But, hey, what's life without a little danger? Good morning, Laverne.
Is it really? What does that mean? I see the paper.
I figure your daughter Barbara must have her knickers in a twist.
No, she doesn't.
Nor does she have a bee in her bonnet.
Oh, that's colorful.
Garrison keillor must be a-shakin' in his boots.
No, I think she was a little upset at first, but you know Barbara.
She bounces right back.
Well, if it's any consolation, she wasn't the only one that didn't fare so well in the paper.
Did you catch that picture of Maggie Thatcher? Hi, Harry.
- Oh, hi, rose.
- Hello, Laverne.
I brought you the estimate.
Oh, thank you, dear.
Uh, rose, this is $600 more than the other one.
Are you sure you took it to my repair guy? Oh, yes.
I had it towed there right after the accident.
You had an accident? What accident? I swerved to avoid an animal running out in the street, and I crashed into a mailbox.
Harry, I am so sorry.
It's all right.
It's okay.
Are you okay? Oh, I'm fine.
But that poor turtle had a close call.
You uh you swerved to avoid a turtle? Well I honked and honked, and he wouldn't budge.
Poor thing was terrified.
Probably that you'd get out of the car and talk to it.
Rose, this is my fault.
I should have taken my own car in.
Harry, you're just being sweet, but it's all my fault.
I insist on paying the damage.
No, rose, anybody would have done the same thing.
You had no choice.
I mean, a turtle scoots out in the road you got to think quick.
You're damn right.
Sometimes those things hit speeds up to 60, 70 inches an hour.
Hi, sweetheart.
Hi, daddy.
Who is it we're dating these days? It's not a date.
I'm on special assignment.
Oh, would you like to tell your father about this? It's no big deal.
I volunteered for a special strike force.
A strike force.
That sounds very dangerous.
No, daddy, really it's not.
Barbara, we have to talk.
- No time.
Got to go.
- Barbara, stay.
The criminals will wait.
I'm sure their fathers are talking to them before they leave the house.
Now, listen, I know the other day you said that you were okay with this thing with your sister, but I'm not so sure you are.
Daddy, this has nothing to do with my sister.
I would ground you, except you're too heavily armed.
Daddy, stop worrying.
It's not that much different from my regular job.
Oh, no? Oh, no? You've been a cop for six years.
You have never left the house looking like al jolson.
Bye, daddy.
- Wait, wait, wait.
- I have to go.
Oh, yeah, of course.
Oh, that's right.
You want to get a good seat on the battering ram.
Lieutenant, you wanted to see me? I don't believe these budget cutbacks.
By tomorrow afternoon, we'll be out of bullets.
It doesn't carry the same impact when you yell, "freeze, sucker, or I'll click!" Is this a bad time? That's the only kind of time I got.
I want to talk to you about last night's raid.
That was quite a haul.
The whole department was buzzing.
Thank you, lieutenant.
You're welcome.
You're suspended.
What? Look, I hate to do this, Weston.
You've always been very dependable.
But now I see you're taking unnecessary risk, you're ignoring procedures, you're trying to do it all yourself.
I don't need a loose Cannon in my department.
Lieutenant, you have to give me another chance.
I'm sorry.
No.
Obviously there's something wrong here.
You got a problem, and I don't know what it is.
If you were a guy, I would be able to talk to you about it.
I am just like the rest of the guys.
You can talk to me the same way.
Okay.
So problems with the wife? Lieutenant, don't do this to me.
I need this assignment.
Yeah, yeah, like that's gonna move me.
Look, I'm sorry.
Two weeks off the force will do you good.
I'm gonna have to take your gun.
Actually, I only need the bullets.
Barbara, help me.
I am being interviewed for a newspaper tomorrow.
I have ransacked my entire closet, and I can't find anything to wear.
Now here's the thing.
I need to look aggressive, yet vulnerable, self-assured, yet approachable.
But if you have anything that makes me look thin, I'll take it.
Go ahead and look.
Hey, look at this skirt.
Ooh, Barb, can I borrow this blouse? I love this blazer.
Fine.
Take tow blouse.
Take the blazer.
Take the whole closet.
I don't care.
Is there a problem? Just a small one.
I got suspended.
Oh, Barbara, that's terrible.
Well, you know, maybe I can call that nice police chief Reynolds I spoke to the other day and put in a good word for you.
You know, you are really something.
I have been doing this for six years, and you lucky punch some guy in a shopping mall and now you want to call the chief of police and put in a good word for me? Oh, aren't we the jealous Judy? Shut up.
This is just perfect.
For once in my life, I get little attention, my name in the paper, some thank you underwear, and you can't stand it.
You don't get it, do you? Get what? This is not about jealousy.
This is about Well, you know, there are Carol things and there are Barbara things.
Excuse me? Okay, Mozart is a Carol thing.
Springsteen is a Barbara thing.
Eating steamed vegetables is a Carol thing.
A chili dog is a Barbara thing.
Now when we went shopping, that started out to be a Carol thing, but then the convict showed up, and it was a Barbara thing, but then you knocked him out, so it became a Carol thing.
You know, little Mozart wouldn't hurt you, Barbara.
Carol, you know how I live my life.
I'm terrible with money.
Guys come and go.
But police work, it's everything I'm all about.
It's not just a Barbara thing.
It's the Barbara thing.
Without it, I'm nothing.
I don't believe this.
I mean, is it possible that you have such a distorted view of yourself? That your self-esteem is so low? Oh, Barbara.
Me too.
Oh.
Mwah.
Mwah.
Oh, Barbara, you do realize this is crazy, don't you? I mean, you have so much going for you besides your job.
I mean, you're so fun and athletic, and everybody likes you.
What about you? You're cultured and sophisticated.
I had three things for you.
Barbara, Barbara.
You're here.
All right, good.
Excuse me, dear.
You pay attention to me.
I'm your father, and as long as you're living under this roof, you'll listen to what I have to say whether you like it or not.
First of all, this strike force, forget about it.
Daddy, don't worry.
Carol and I talked about it, and it's all over.
Oh, all right.
You talked about that.
Okay, because you're a good cop.
You have nothing to prove.
I know.
We discussed that.
You did? All right.
I mean, the point I'm trying to make here is that you're so much more an just being a cop.
I mean, you have so much going for you.
I mean, everybody likes you.
We discussed that too.
You already did the everybody likes you thing, okay.
Then I guess we're finished here.
Carol, Carol, Carol, I hope none of this has taken away from your moment in the sun, not that you need one, because you have so much going for you too.
- Daddy, we already - Eh! Shh, shh, shh.
Like what, daddy? I already used cultured and sophisticated.
You two are very good.
You'll make terrific fathers someday.
Of course, you never would have gotten there without a proper role model.
That was a daddy thing.
Okay, fine, dreyfuss.
Be that way.
See if I care.
Even if you wanted to beg, I wouldn't let you now.
So much for reverse psychology.
Hello.
Oh, hi, rose.
Oh, my car's ready.
You'll bring it over? Oh, thanks, dear.
Great.
Bye.
Dreyfuss, I'm getting my car back.
And, dreyfuss, you're gonna get to ride in my car.
If you beg.
Well, I hope you're happy.
Thanks to your lack of cooperation, I just blew 200 buck on a physical.
Money well spent, Charley.
Easy for you to say.
I had to hock my lawnmower.
Charley, if you've had your own lawnmower, why would you keep on borrowing mine? Whoa, whoa, Charley.
I'm in perfect health.
You can't catch me.
Charley! Hey, Charley.
Charley Look out, Charley.
Are you crazy? You almost hit me.
Rose: I am so sorry.
We better exchange information.
Was there any livestock damaged?