Empty Nest (1988) s02e07 Episode Script
You Are 16 Going on 17 and I'm Not
Life goes on and so do we just how we do it is no mystery sometimes the answer can be hard to find That's something I will never be I'm always here for anything that you need rain or shine I'll be the one to share it all as life goes on we share it all as life goes on I thought you were walking dreyfuss.
No, daddy is.
Hey.
I thought you were walking dreyfuss.
No, Carol is.
Both: I thought you were walking dreyfuss.
All right, dreyf, dreyf, I can explain this.
Dreyf, I Great.
He's gonna give the silent treatment now.
So what did you do last night? Don't you remember? I had a date.
Oh, yes, I knew there was an additional reason why I hated you.
Oh, you girls will never guess who I saw last night.
Jimmy coblin.
Jimmy coblin, that cute little boy I used to tutor? Well, he's not such a little boy anymore.
In fact, next month, he's taking his college entrance exams, and he needs a refresher course in English.
And he's willing to trade some, uh, yard work in exchange for the lessons.
So, Carol, dear, I have a favor to ask you.
Daddy, you didn't tell them you'd ask me, did you? No.
Well, no, dear.
I think the words I used were, "she'll be happy to.
" - Daddy? - Come on, sweetheart.
Dr.
Weston.
Holy cow.
Look at this, huh? Look at this boy.
Is this a boy or what? Carol, I really want to thank you for offering to tutor me.
Well, Jimmy, a-as I was just saying to my father A mind is a terrible thing to waste.
What do you mean you don't know how to get to hickory, Arkansas? What kind of travel agent are you? All right, stick this in your computer.
I want a flight to little rock, and then I'm gonna need a connectin' flight on Dwayne's airline.
Oh, and tell Dwayne no crop-Dustin' this time until after I deplane.
Laverne, what was, uh, that all about? I just booked my flight back home for my best friend lurlene's birthday party.
Oh, that's right.
It's getting close.
Ah, you're gonna have a great time.
Well, actually, it'll be bittersweet.
She's a-turnin' 30, and she ain't a grandmother yet.
You know, you think it's not gonna happen to you.
Yeah.
Oh, there'll be cake and dandelion wine, followed up with the traditional hokey-pokey marathon.
I guess entertainment tonight will be out there.
We're going to try and break the 60-hour hokey-pokey record.
Now, we come close last year till Wilma hodgkins put her left foot in but couldn't quite get it out.
All right, Laverne, would you call.
Dr.
Gordon's office, please, and get his appointment book for me? - What do you need that for? - Well, he's sick, and I'm gonna be taking his patients this week.
You gonna be handlin' a double-patient load? There goes my trip to hickory.
No, no, no, come on, what are you talking about? You're still going.
No, I took an oath.
My job is here and not at some real fun party.
Laverne, everything's going to be fine here.
That's why we hired a temp nurse.
A temp would have a hard enough time with you under normal circumstances.
Now you got a double-patient load.
Besides, she'd never be able to figure out my files.
The last one didn't seem to have a problem.
Yeah, but she had the aid of my secret decoder wheel.
- What's - In your dreams.
So if you use the word "like" in a comparison, it's called a simile, okay? Now you try one.
I really like working with my new tutor.
Thank you.
Now, come on.
This is easy.
The prairie was like an ocean.
The steak was like rubber.
Okay describe anything.
Describe me.
You got red hair, and you're, like, real nervous.
Well, no, not exactly.
But don't worry.
We're doing fine.
We're going to get you into that university.
You've come a long way in the last three days, and you work out, don't you? Yeah.
Good.
Fine.
That's good.
All right, then.
The difference between a simile and a metaphor do you? - What? - Work out.
Well, yes, yes, a-as a matter of fact, I do.
Let me feel your muscle.
No! Now, that's not appropriate.
We're trying to work here.
Okay.
That's very nice.
Want to feel mine? Jimmy, how do you expect to learn anything if you okay.
God, your arm is like steel.
Hey, is that a simile? A what? A simile.
My arm is like steel.
That's a simile.
Oh, right, right.
Yes, that's right.
And my legs are like tree trunks.
I'm really starting to get this.
And my hands are like Well, they're kind of large and slow.
They'd be like but could we please not talk about this like water.
My hands would be like warm water.
Oh, my god.
And it wasn't just me.
I mean, I-i touched your arm, and it was like recess.
Recess.
Go home for recess, Jimmy.
- What? - Go home, Jimmy.
Go home right now.
Are you okay? Yes, yes, I'm just a little ho warm.
I'm a little warm.
It happens.
Please go.
You want me to say hi to my ma for you? Oh, yeah, sure, swell.
That would be great.
Hi.
Where's Jimmy? Oh, Barbara, thank god.
Help me.
I'm going to hell.
For what? Lust.
Lust? You go to hell for lust? Uh-oh.
Barbara, listen to me.
I'm in big trouble.
Something very physical seems to be happening with me and Jimmy.
I mean, I know he's just a boy, but I wanted to I wanted to Oh, Barbara, I really wanted to.
Did he? Yes.
Well, maybe.
I don't know.
I mean, my god, he's a child.
He's what, 11 or something? Carol, he's 19.
Look, if you can't handle it, just cancel the tutoring.
Don't see him anymore.
Yes, I really think I'm going to have to.
- There you go.
- Oh, daddy, good.
Listen, I've been having second thoughts about this tutoring.
Why? What are you talking What, are you kidding? I just saw Mrs.
coblin down the street.
She is thrilled.
Apparently for the first time in his life, Jimmy is taking studying seriously.
Come on, Carol, dear, you're doing a wonderful job.
And listen, I tell you something, if you teach this boy what he needs to know, you're gonna get a lot of satisfaction out of it.
Okay, fine.
I'll tutor him.
I'm a strong human being.
I mean, there is no reason why I can't have a strictly professional relationship with this boy.
Shut up, Barbara.
Oh, Laverne, I'm sorry.
I forgot today's lurlene's birthday.
I really feel so bad you wouldn't go away for it.
Well, don't.
Now, Dr.
Gordon's sick, and you've got to take his patients.
Besides, I made a decision, and I'm stickin' by it.
Lurlene is the furthest thing from my mind.
Okay.
Dr.
Weston's office.
A physical? I'm sorry, miss Taylor.
All I've got is a 10:00 opening two days after lurlene's birthday.
Today? No.
Hon, lurlene's birthday's been booked up since three days before lurlene's birthday.
Well, all righty, I'll put you down.
Laverne, you obviously feel terrible about missing lurlene's birthday.
I told you to go.
Why didn't you go? You seem a little hung up on this lurlene thing.
If you don't mind, let's just drop it.
Okay, fine.
Nice-lookin' shoes.
Thank you.
Lurlene likes shoes.
Sometimes she'd thrown on a pair and just walk around in 'em.
Hi.
Jimmy says he'll be in as soon as he finishes the lawn.
He's looking pretty good.
So what? I'm just his teacher, that's all.
I teach, he learns No more, no less.
Hi, Carol.
This is so unfair.
So, what am I studying today? Chapter six.
Go home.
Read it.
Call me.
- I-i brought you a present.
- You did? Well, you know, you've been so nice about helping me with the tutoring and all, so, uh, you said you worked out.
And I brought you a weight belt.
Use it to kind of support your back.
Oh, this is just Jimmy, this is very sweet of you.
Uh, no, no, the buckle goes in the front.
Here Jimmy, I-i really think we should start working now.
Carol Carol, I have a terrible crush on you.
Charley! Oh, you.
Where's the fun sister? I'm so glad to see you.
- What? - Sit down.
You look tired.
I'm so happy you stopped by.
Wait, you You want me to stay? Charley, this is Jimmy.
Jimmy, this is my good friend Charley.
Come on, Carol.
You're scaring me.
Do you want something to eat? Okay, that's it, this is too weird.
I'm out of here.
And don't you ever, ever talk to me like that again.
Oh, Jimmy, I-i really don't think we should talk about this.
Carol, I'm sorry.
I can't help it.
I have had this crush on you ever since I was a little boy.
That's very flattering, but I don't think it's just that all your life you have this fantasy of somebody, and then to hear that they might feel, the same way about you is just, well, you know Do you? Jimmy, the idea of starting something with you makes me very uncomfortable.
Okay, well, then, uh Let me start.
Your mother's going to kill me.
Well, I don't think we should tell her.
I can't believe we did this.
Me either.
I feel like Mrs.
Robinson.
Who's she? Oh, god.
Well, uh, guess I better get going.
I, uh, don't know what to say now.
Well, Jimmy, usually after sleeping with someone, it's a nice idea to say something kind of warm and and gentle, something that makes them feel good.
Oh, okay.
Well, you're Perhaps I'm explaining this wrong.
No, no, no, it's just that 12 years used to seem like a lot, and now all of a sudden, it doesn't.
I-I mean, you're so pretty and so much fun.
And next to you, girls my age seem so silly and immature.
Well, thank you.
And that gravity thing I wouldn't worry about that.
Thank you, Jimmy.
So, uh, what are we studying tomorrow? Punctuation.
Who cares? I get to see you.
Bye, Carol.
Okay Maybe this isn't as bad as I think.
No, it is.
Hi.
Look at you.
You did it, didn't you? - What? What? Did what? - Slept with Jimmy.
How how could you know? Is it that obvious? Well, no.
Probably just to me.
I am your sister.
Hey, do you people have any Whoa! Who's the guy? Oh, my god.
No, don't tell me.
I can do this myself.
Okay, uh, you're still flushed, so the guy must be pretty young.
It's the middle of the day, so he probably doesn't have a job.
And judging from your posture, he's about this tall.
Hi.
My life is an acid bath.
Sorry to bother you, Carol.
I forgot my books.
So come on, who is it? Not talking, huh? Charley, get out of here.
Okay, fine.
Don't tell me.
I don't need you to figure this out.
See you, Carol.
Hey, Jimmy, wait up.
You see anyone leaving this house today around your height, kind of desperate looking? - So you and Jimmy, huh? - Yes.
Why are you so upset? You mean aside from the fact that his waist is smaller than mine? Carol.
Barbara, I'm a monster.
I mean, this kind of thing can change a boy's life, how he looks at women, his future relationships.
I mean, he's pretty much said I've ruined him for girls his own age.
And all because I'm this disgusting human being that has no control over myself.
Let's face it, Barbara.
I'm a slut.
Daddy.
Daddy.
Daddy, where are you going? Somewhere else.
I don't know, anywhere else Upstairs maybe or the garage.
I-I love the garage.
I'll be in the garage.
Daddy, wait.
Wait.
Please don't go.
We're all a family here.
We have no secrets.
Besides, I would feel better getting something out in the open.
All right.
I found out today that after all these years, Jimmy has had a crush on me.
Oh.
Okay, well, that's not so bad.
Except that now I really think that he's fallen in love with me.
Ohh, that's really sweet.
Carol, he's not in love with you.
Oh, really, Barbara? Well, how would you know, unless you were listening while we were in bed? Good-bye.
Daddy, wait.
Daddy, wait.
Do you understand what's going on here? Nope.
No, I don't, dear.
Can't say I do.
Sorry.
I slept with Jimmy.
Well, that's That's real clear.
Daddy, daddy, daddy, please don't go.
I need help.
I mean, it happened in a moment of weakness, and now I hate myself.
Oh, honey, come on, dear.
No, don't do that.
Don't say that.
Don't hate yourself.
Come on, it's It's not so bad.
I mean, it's Jimmy.
You've known Jimmy for a long time Jimmy, who came here every year, collecting for the paper drive Jimmy, who used to ride his little two-Wheeler right in front of our house.
- Daddy.
- And Halloween He'd come trick-or-treating.
We know his parents.
I eat dinner there sometimes.
Can I go now, please, Carol? - Yes, daddy.
- Well, thank you very much.
And in the future, I would like us to go back to the old system Where I am the happy father, and you two girls sneak around behind my back.
Okay, lurlene.
Here we go.
You go in here.
And you wait in there.
And when you hear me say, "hickory," you come on out.
I can do that.
Okay.
Lurlene, this is gonna be great.
Hi, Laverne.
Where the hell have you been? I know.
We got a lot of work to do.
We got Lisa Richmond in exam room three, and Bobby schaefer's in exam room two.
And in exam room one, we have a little surprise for you, Laverne Todd, all the way from hickory.
Lurlene! Laverne.
- Happy birthday.
- Well, thank you.
I got a lot of work to do.
Well, that's okay.
I gotta go anyway.
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.
Wait a minute.
That's it? Well, we pretty much caught up on everything.
God, it was good to see her.
I flew her in.
Oh, that was real sweet of you.
I hope we didn't bore you with all the girl talk.
Laverne, that was lurlene, your best friend.
I know.
I miss her already.
She's right out the door.
Lord knows when we'll have a chance to see each other again.
- Hi.
- Good afternoon, Jimmy.
I'm sorry to ask you over here on such short notice, but we need to talk.
Please sit down and try not to flex or anything.
Okay.
Jimmy, I've thought a lot about yesterday, and what we did was wrong.
I'm afraid that I've gotten you into something little over your head, something that could hurt something that could hurt me, something that could damage my future relationships with women.
Yes.
How did you know? Well, I've heard that speech a lot Every time I sleep with an older woman.
There are other older? There are others? My math tutor, my Spanish tutor, my history tutor.
So just to be clear on this, I haven't ruined you for other women.
Gosh, I don't think so.
That's it, Jimmy.
Good-bye.
- What about our lessons? - No more lessons.
- You're mad at me, aren't you? - Well, yes, I am.
I mean, you told me that you'd been fantasizing about me all these years.
- You were lying.
- Nuh-uh.
"Nuh-uh"? Jimmy, you're a nice boy The key word being "boy.
" Now go on.
Go home.
And remember Try to avoid run-on sentences.
Was that Jimmy? Where is he off to? I don't know.
Oh, Barbara, what could I have been thinking? I mean, why does my life always go like this? Why can't it be romantic and exciting like in the movies.
I mean, when Ingrid bergman and Humphrey bogart said good-bye in Casablanca, he said to her, "we'll always have Paris," not, "Nuh-uh.
" Humphrey bogart Wasn't he more sophisticated and older? And not doing yard work for Ingrid? Barbara This was not one of the better moments in my life.
Let's try to keep it our little secret, shall we? Hey, do you know where I put the Whoa! Broke up, huh? And by the furrow in your brow, I'm guessing two-timing.
Charley, you've been listening at the door again.
Nuh-uh.
No, daddy is.
Hey.
I thought you were walking dreyfuss.
No, Carol is.
Both: I thought you were walking dreyfuss.
All right, dreyf, dreyf, I can explain this.
Dreyf, I Great.
He's gonna give the silent treatment now.
So what did you do last night? Don't you remember? I had a date.
Oh, yes, I knew there was an additional reason why I hated you.
Oh, you girls will never guess who I saw last night.
Jimmy coblin.
Jimmy coblin, that cute little boy I used to tutor? Well, he's not such a little boy anymore.
In fact, next month, he's taking his college entrance exams, and he needs a refresher course in English.
And he's willing to trade some, uh, yard work in exchange for the lessons.
So, Carol, dear, I have a favor to ask you.
Daddy, you didn't tell them you'd ask me, did you? No.
Well, no, dear.
I think the words I used were, "she'll be happy to.
" - Daddy? - Come on, sweetheart.
Dr.
Weston.
Holy cow.
Look at this, huh? Look at this boy.
Is this a boy or what? Carol, I really want to thank you for offering to tutor me.
Well, Jimmy, a-as I was just saying to my father A mind is a terrible thing to waste.
What do you mean you don't know how to get to hickory, Arkansas? What kind of travel agent are you? All right, stick this in your computer.
I want a flight to little rock, and then I'm gonna need a connectin' flight on Dwayne's airline.
Oh, and tell Dwayne no crop-Dustin' this time until after I deplane.
Laverne, what was, uh, that all about? I just booked my flight back home for my best friend lurlene's birthday party.
Oh, that's right.
It's getting close.
Ah, you're gonna have a great time.
Well, actually, it'll be bittersweet.
She's a-turnin' 30, and she ain't a grandmother yet.
You know, you think it's not gonna happen to you.
Yeah.
Oh, there'll be cake and dandelion wine, followed up with the traditional hokey-pokey marathon.
I guess entertainment tonight will be out there.
We're going to try and break the 60-hour hokey-pokey record.
Now, we come close last year till Wilma hodgkins put her left foot in but couldn't quite get it out.
All right, Laverne, would you call.
Dr.
Gordon's office, please, and get his appointment book for me? - What do you need that for? - Well, he's sick, and I'm gonna be taking his patients this week.
You gonna be handlin' a double-patient load? There goes my trip to hickory.
No, no, no, come on, what are you talking about? You're still going.
No, I took an oath.
My job is here and not at some real fun party.
Laverne, everything's going to be fine here.
That's why we hired a temp nurse.
A temp would have a hard enough time with you under normal circumstances.
Now you got a double-patient load.
Besides, she'd never be able to figure out my files.
The last one didn't seem to have a problem.
Yeah, but she had the aid of my secret decoder wheel.
- What's - In your dreams.
So if you use the word "like" in a comparison, it's called a simile, okay? Now you try one.
I really like working with my new tutor.
Thank you.
Now, come on.
This is easy.
The prairie was like an ocean.
The steak was like rubber.
Okay describe anything.
Describe me.
You got red hair, and you're, like, real nervous.
Well, no, not exactly.
But don't worry.
We're doing fine.
We're going to get you into that university.
You've come a long way in the last three days, and you work out, don't you? Yeah.
Good.
Fine.
That's good.
All right, then.
The difference between a simile and a metaphor do you? - What? - Work out.
Well, yes, yes, a-as a matter of fact, I do.
Let me feel your muscle.
No! Now, that's not appropriate.
We're trying to work here.
Okay.
That's very nice.
Want to feel mine? Jimmy, how do you expect to learn anything if you okay.
God, your arm is like steel.
Hey, is that a simile? A what? A simile.
My arm is like steel.
That's a simile.
Oh, right, right.
Yes, that's right.
And my legs are like tree trunks.
I'm really starting to get this.
And my hands are like Well, they're kind of large and slow.
They'd be like but could we please not talk about this like water.
My hands would be like warm water.
Oh, my god.
And it wasn't just me.
I mean, I-i touched your arm, and it was like recess.
Recess.
Go home for recess, Jimmy.
- What? - Go home, Jimmy.
Go home right now.
Are you okay? Yes, yes, I'm just a little ho warm.
I'm a little warm.
It happens.
Please go.
You want me to say hi to my ma for you? Oh, yeah, sure, swell.
That would be great.
Hi.
Where's Jimmy? Oh, Barbara, thank god.
Help me.
I'm going to hell.
For what? Lust.
Lust? You go to hell for lust? Uh-oh.
Barbara, listen to me.
I'm in big trouble.
Something very physical seems to be happening with me and Jimmy.
I mean, I know he's just a boy, but I wanted to I wanted to Oh, Barbara, I really wanted to.
Did he? Yes.
Well, maybe.
I don't know.
I mean, my god, he's a child.
He's what, 11 or something? Carol, he's 19.
Look, if you can't handle it, just cancel the tutoring.
Don't see him anymore.
Yes, I really think I'm going to have to.
- There you go.
- Oh, daddy, good.
Listen, I've been having second thoughts about this tutoring.
Why? What are you talking What, are you kidding? I just saw Mrs.
coblin down the street.
She is thrilled.
Apparently for the first time in his life, Jimmy is taking studying seriously.
Come on, Carol, dear, you're doing a wonderful job.
And listen, I tell you something, if you teach this boy what he needs to know, you're gonna get a lot of satisfaction out of it.
Okay, fine.
I'll tutor him.
I'm a strong human being.
I mean, there is no reason why I can't have a strictly professional relationship with this boy.
Shut up, Barbara.
Oh, Laverne, I'm sorry.
I forgot today's lurlene's birthday.
I really feel so bad you wouldn't go away for it.
Well, don't.
Now, Dr.
Gordon's sick, and you've got to take his patients.
Besides, I made a decision, and I'm stickin' by it.
Lurlene is the furthest thing from my mind.
Okay.
Dr.
Weston's office.
A physical? I'm sorry, miss Taylor.
All I've got is a 10:00 opening two days after lurlene's birthday.
Today? No.
Hon, lurlene's birthday's been booked up since three days before lurlene's birthday.
Well, all righty, I'll put you down.
Laverne, you obviously feel terrible about missing lurlene's birthday.
I told you to go.
Why didn't you go? You seem a little hung up on this lurlene thing.
If you don't mind, let's just drop it.
Okay, fine.
Nice-lookin' shoes.
Thank you.
Lurlene likes shoes.
Sometimes she'd thrown on a pair and just walk around in 'em.
Hi.
Jimmy says he'll be in as soon as he finishes the lawn.
He's looking pretty good.
So what? I'm just his teacher, that's all.
I teach, he learns No more, no less.
Hi, Carol.
This is so unfair.
So, what am I studying today? Chapter six.
Go home.
Read it.
Call me.
- I-i brought you a present.
- You did? Well, you know, you've been so nice about helping me with the tutoring and all, so, uh, you said you worked out.
And I brought you a weight belt.
Use it to kind of support your back.
Oh, this is just Jimmy, this is very sweet of you.
Uh, no, no, the buckle goes in the front.
Here Jimmy, I-i really think we should start working now.
Carol Carol, I have a terrible crush on you.
Charley! Oh, you.
Where's the fun sister? I'm so glad to see you.
- What? - Sit down.
You look tired.
I'm so happy you stopped by.
Wait, you You want me to stay? Charley, this is Jimmy.
Jimmy, this is my good friend Charley.
Come on, Carol.
You're scaring me.
Do you want something to eat? Okay, that's it, this is too weird.
I'm out of here.
And don't you ever, ever talk to me like that again.
Oh, Jimmy, I-i really don't think we should talk about this.
Carol, I'm sorry.
I can't help it.
I have had this crush on you ever since I was a little boy.
That's very flattering, but I don't think it's just that all your life you have this fantasy of somebody, and then to hear that they might feel, the same way about you is just, well, you know Do you? Jimmy, the idea of starting something with you makes me very uncomfortable.
Okay, well, then, uh Let me start.
Your mother's going to kill me.
Well, I don't think we should tell her.
I can't believe we did this.
Me either.
I feel like Mrs.
Robinson.
Who's she? Oh, god.
Well, uh, guess I better get going.
I, uh, don't know what to say now.
Well, Jimmy, usually after sleeping with someone, it's a nice idea to say something kind of warm and and gentle, something that makes them feel good.
Oh, okay.
Well, you're Perhaps I'm explaining this wrong.
No, no, no, it's just that 12 years used to seem like a lot, and now all of a sudden, it doesn't.
I-I mean, you're so pretty and so much fun.
And next to you, girls my age seem so silly and immature.
Well, thank you.
And that gravity thing I wouldn't worry about that.
Thank you, Jimmy.
So, uh, what are we studying tomorrow? Punctuation.
Who cares? I get to see you.
Bye, Carol.
Okay Maybe this isn't as bad as I think.
No, it is.
Hi.
Look at you.
You did it, didn't you? - What? What? Did what? - Slept with Jimmy.
How how could you know? Is it that obvious? Well, no.
Probably just to me.
I am your sister.
Hey, do you people have any Whoa! Who's the guy? Oh, my god.
No, don't tell me.
I can do this myself.
Okay, uh, you're still flushed, so the guy must be pretty young.
It's the middle of the day, so he probably doesn't have a job.
And judging from your posture, he's about this tall.
Hi.
My life is an acid bath.
Sorry to bother you, Carol.
I forgot my books.
So come on, who is it? Not talking, huh? Charley, get out of here.
Okay, fine.
Don't tell me.
I don't need you to figure this out.
See you, Carol.
Hey, Jimmy, wait up.
You see anyone leaving this house today around your height, kind of desperate looking? - So you and Jimmy, huh? - Yes.
Why are you so upset? You mean aside from the fact that his waist is smaller than mine? Carol.
Barbara, I'm a monster.
I mean, this kind of thing can change a boy's life, how he looks at women, his future relationships.
I mean, he's pretty much said I've ruined him for girls his own age.
And all because I'm this disgusting human being that has no control over myself.
Let's face it, Barbara.
I'm a slut.
Daddy.
Daddy.
Daddy, where are you going? Somewhere else.
I don't know, anywhere else Upstairs maybe or the garage.
I-I love the garage.
I'll be in the garage.
Daddy, wait.
Wait.
Please don't go.
We're all a family here.
We have no secrets.
Besides, I would feel better getting something out in the open.
All right.
I found out today that after all these years, Jimmy has had a crush on me.
Oh.
Okay, well, that's not so bad.
Except that now I really think that he's fallen in love with me.
Ohh, that's really sweet.
Carol, he's not in love with you.
Oh, really, Barbara? Well, how would you know, unless you were listening while we were in bed? Good-bye.
Daddy, wait.
Daddy, wait.
Do you understand what's going on here? Nope.
No, I don't, dear.
Can't say I do.
Sorry.
I slept with Jimmy.
Well, that's That's real clear.
Daddy, daddy, daddy, please don't go.
I need help.
I mean, it happened in a moment of weakness, and now I hate myself.
Oh, honey, come on, dear.
No, don't do that.
Don't say that.
Don't hate yourself.
Come on, it's It's not so bad.
I mean, it's Jimmy.
You've known Jimmy for a long time Jimmy, who came here every year, collecting for the paper drive Jimmy, who used to ride his little two-Wheeler right in front of our house.
- Daddy.
- And Halloween He'd come trick-or-treating.
We know his parents.
I eat dinner there sometimes.
Can I go now, please, Carol? - Yes, daddy.
- Well, thank you very much.
And in the future, I would like us to go back to the old system Where I am the happy father, and you two girls sneak around behind my back.
Okay, lurlene.
Here we go.
You go in here.
And you wait in there.
And when you hear me say, "hickory," you come on out.
I can do that.
Okay.
Lurlene, this is gonna be great.
Hi, Laverne.
Where the hell have you been? I know.
We got a lot of work to do.
We got Lisa Richmond in exam room three, and Bobby schaefer's in exam room two.
And in exam room one, we have a little surprise for you, Laverne Todd, all the way from hickory.
Lurlene! Laverne.
- Happy birthday.
- Well, thank you.
I got a lot of work to do.
Well, that's okay.
I gotta go anyway.
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.
Wait a minute.
That's it? Well, we pretty much caught up on everything.
God, it was good to see her.
I flew her in.
Oh, that was real sweet of you.
I hope we didn't bore you with all the girl talk.
Laverne, that was lurlene, your best friend.
I know.
I miss her already.
She's right out the door.
Lord knows when we'll have a chance to see each other again.
- Hi.
- Good afternoon, Jimmy.
I'm sorry to ask you over here on such short notice, but we need to talk.
Please sit down and try not to flex or anything.
Okay.
Jimmy, I've thought a lot about yesterday, and what we did was wrong.
I'm afraid that I've gotten you into something little over your head, something that could hurt something that could hurt me, something that could damage my future relationships with women.
Yes.
How did you know? Well, I've heard that speech a lot Every time I sleep with an older woman.
There are other older? There are others? My math tutor, my Spanish tutor, my history tutor.
So just to be clear on this, I haven't ruined you for other women.
Gosh, I don't think so.
That's it, Jimmy.
Good-bye.
- What about our lessons? - No more lessons.
- You're mad at me, aren't you? - Well, yes, I am.
I mean, you told me that you'd been fantasizing about me all these years.
- You were lying.
- Nuh-uh.
"Nuh-uh"? Jimmy, you're a nice boy The key word being "boy.
" Now go on.
Go home.
And remember Try to avoid run-on sentences.
Was that Jimmy? Where is he off to? I don't know.
Oh, Barbara, what could I have been thinking? I mean, why does my life always go like this? Why can't it be romantic and exciting like in the movies.
I mean, when Ingrid bergman and Humphrey bogart said good-bye in Casablanca, he said to her, "we'll always have Paris," not, "Nuh-uh.
" Humphrey bogart Wasn't he more sophisticated and older? And not doing yard work for Ingrid? Barbara This was not one of the better moments in my life.
Let's try to keep it our little secret, shall we? Hey, do you know where I put the Whoa! Broke up, huh? And by the furrow in your brow, I'm guessing two-timing.
Charley, you've been listening at the door again.
Nuh-uh.