Empty Nest (1988) s02e08 Episode Script

Life goes on and so do we just how we do it is no mystery sometimes the answer can be hard to find That's something I will never be I'm always here for anything that you need rain or shine I'll be the one to share it all as life goes on we share it all as life goes on good morning, Laverne.
It might still be mornin' and how are ya, but here on the mainland, it is well into the work day.
Laverne, it is 8:02.
Whatever happened to "good morning, doctor"? You want "good morning, doctor," you show up at 7:55.
Now, get a move on.
Nick's ball club is back in town, and he is takin' me out to dinner.
Oh.
Special occasion? You want small talk, you show up at 7:55.
Harry, we don't have an appointment no, sure, Shirley.
Go on in.
- Let's go.
- Thanks.
She woke up this morning and said she felt too sick to go to school.
She had a 104 temperature.
Let's take a look here.
Uh, Shirley, can I just have a minute alone with Laurie, please? Oh, sure.
That can only be thermometer on the light bulb.
Listen, buddy to buddy, doc, I need a week off from school.
Laurie, unless you've got reserve duty, I can't do that.
Why not? Last year you got me out of gym for two weeks.
That was for womanhood.
This is for Freshman fandango.
What is that, a skin thing? It's a big dance Friday, and nobody's asked me yet.
I just don't want to have to go through another week of, "who asked you to the dance, Laurie?" Oh, you poor unpopular thing.
" And I swear, I'm gonna kill the next person who tells me that no one asked Morgan Fairchild to her senior prom.
You heard that one, huh? All right.
Listen, honey, maybe the boys are just shy.
Why don't you ask somebody to the dance? Doc, think about it.
You're looking at the great personality poster child here.
Would you go to a dance with me if I asked you? Are you kidding? Absolutely.
In a minute.
- Yeah, right.
- Yeah, right! Hey, listen, trust me.
I treat half your football team.
I know what the 14-year-old boy is looking for, and honey, you've got it.
- You think so.
- Of cour would I lie to you? I guess not.
Okay.
I'll try it.
Just for future reference If I came in here with a runny nose, red, watery eyes sliced onion.
Damn! Ha ha ha! Laverne! It's 7:55, and I'm Talking to myself.
Laverne? - Laverne? - Huh? Oh.
You.
Let's get to work.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait.
Wait a minute.
You slept here last night? None of your business.
Laverne, I'm not letting you out of this room until you tell me what's going on.
Okay.
Nick and I had a fight Durin' our dinner last night, and I walked out on him.
Ah, Laverne You better take back those hands or you'll have to learn to feed yourself with your feet.
Laverne, come on.
This is a major thing here.
Please, it's you and your husband.
Let me help.
Talk to me about this.
No.
I do not care to stand here in my bedclothes discussin' my marital problems with the boss man.
Laverne, I'm not just the boss man.
I'm the friend man.
You know what I mean.
Come on.
You Hey, look.
You need someplace to stay till this blows over.
- Stay with us.
- I don't know.
The exam room sure is closer to where I work.
Laverne, I insist.
Okay.
But you have to promise you will not try to talk to me about Nick.
I really don't want to talk about that.
Promise.
Not a word.
And this could be fun.
You know, we could carpool.
Good idea.
I hit the road at a quarter of 6:00.
Perfect.
You can Circle the block until 7:30, then pick me up.
- What's all that? - Man trouble food.
It's for Laverne.
Daddy called and said she's going to be staying here for a while.
Laverne's gonna stay here? That's so neat! It is not neat.
She and her husband are fighting, and I'm going to help her through it.
She can benefit from hearing of my experiences All the anguish, pain, and grief I've suffered at the hands of men.
That should pick her up.
Come on, dreyfuss, move! Come on, go! Run! Barbara, Carol, somebody please! Coming, daddy.
Come on.
Thanks, dear.
Hey, daddy.
Hi, Laverne! - Hi, there.
- Hi, honey.
Laverne's gonna stay with us for I know, daddy.
I'm sorry, Laverne.
Oh, that's awful sweet, hon, but Nick and I've had these squabbles before, and I always end up goin' back home after he's apologized for a few days.
We just have to go through the ritual, is all.
Laverne! There, there, now Let it all out.
What did Nick do to you? No, no, no, no, buh-buh-fah no.
Rule number one for Laverne's stay is no prying.
She doesn't want to talk about it.
We will respect that.
I'm gonna take her luggage up to Emily's room.
So Laverne, I guess you know that I myself have had serious marital difficulties is that a Claude osteen signature model glove? Yeah.
Wanna see it? Anyway, Gary That was my husband He had this thing for other women.
Nick uses the Hank Aaron, but it doesn't have these pocket tethers.
Now, I don't know if this is applicable to your situation I packed my mitt.
It's a Joe Morgan.
- With the padded thumb? - Oh, yeah.
Enough with the damn glove! Okay.
I'll see you later.
I gotta go to practice anyway.
Oh, have fun.
And remember, if the ball beats you home, come in with your spikes high.
Laverne, now that she's gone, let's talk.
Okay.
What kind of glove you got? No, Laverne! You know, I mean about what happened with feet off the couch.
I'm sorry.
I am just a guest here, and I should put on my party manners.
Well, while you're doing that, I'll get the man trouble food.
Don't even think of being miserable till I get back.
Honey, I-i Laverne, I hope Carol wasn't prying.
Oh, not at all.
Well All right, come on.
Let's go, dreyf.
Hey.
Come on.
Master's voice, dreyf.
You sure he's your dog? Dreyfuss, move.
You sure he's breathin'? Oh, hi, Charley.
You remember Laverne, don't you? Yeah.
Maybe.
Not now.
Hungry.
That's my neighbor Charley.
Charley, don't touch those muffins! Charley, you put those back! - Charley! - Not now.
Can't talk.
Eating.
You allow him to run roughshod over you like that in your own house? Why, somebody oughta take that man aside I'm sorry.
I'm just a guest.
Laverne, there are too many distractions here.
What say you and I go somewhere where we can talk? Thank you.
I'm just gonna wait for Nick to come a-crawlin' over here on his belly a-wooin' and a-grovelin' and a-beggin' me to come back home.
Oh, Laverne, you poor, misguided thing.
Let me tell you about men.
They never admit they're wrong.
They never apologize.
And believe me, they that'd be Nick out front tryin' to woo me back with our song.
I don't believe it.
He's got sheet music and a metronome.
Silly, broken-hearted fool.
If he thinks he's gon' win me back with an instrumental, now, he's got another think a-comin'.
Well, that takes care of all of Nick's flowers.
In the living room.
And Laverne said it was okay to set those lovebirds free.
This is disgusting.
For the past two days, Nick has been pouring his heart out Flowers, candy, singing telegrams.
Last night he hit three home runs for her and then recited Elizabeth Barrett Browning on the post game show.
My god, if she doesn't go back to him soon I will.
Well, honey, the man is in love.
What's in the little box? Who knows.
Probably an ear.
Daddy, please talk to her.
- Daddy, Laverne has got to go.
- Why? I should have never told her I played softball.
Now she's acting like some crazed manager.
She kept me up all night practicing fundamentals.
Well, honey, she's going through a very difficult time.
That's easy for you to say.
You didn't spend half the night hook sliding into the dinette set.
I tried to tell her I only play softball on the weekends for fun.
What did she say? Bad attitude.
Drop and give me 50! Oh Mornin', all.
Looks like rain.
Laverne, how did you do that? Click commands.
Dreyfuss responds to a series of clicks, is all.
Anybody else want anything? Carol, why don't you run upstairs and put you on a smock? Now, I've got somethin' up there that'll salvage that hair color of yourn.
I know you're goin' for red, but what you got there is more of a burnt Sienna.
Ah, Laverne, dear, um Could we have a little talk? Oh, can it wait? 'Cause after I do Carol's hair, I gotta go upstairs and pack.
What? Well, Nick's efforts haven't fallen on deaf ears.
I can't stay mad at him forever.
So tonight when he comes a-wooin', I'm-a goin' home with him.
Oh, really? That's great! Yeah.
This is the third night, so he'll be openin' with "hunka hunka burnin' love.
" I'll be out that door before he hits his second hunka.
It's a shame, really.
I was just starting to get your home life in order.
Well morning.
May I come in? Here you go, Carol.
Sweets for the sweet.
Barbara.
Halston.
Harry, your lawnmower's back in your garage with a brand-new blade, and here's a little something for your dinner.
Save the bone for the doggie.
Oh, and Mrs.
Todd this is a bad time.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
- Laverne? - Oh.
Well 11:30.
Time for bed.
Laverne, I'm sure something happened to hold Nick up.
Oh, no matter.
His loss.
Well, we got work in the morning, you know.
Let's get a good night's sleep.
We got back-to-back hyperactives from 10:00 to 11:00.
Laverne, if you wanna talk You don't wanna talk.
What you need is a nice, big Left alone kinda thing.
Good night, doctor.
Good night, Laverne.
Morning, Laverne.
Any, uh, word from Nick? Nick? Who has time for Nick? I been too busy.
You see this new shipment of tongue depressors? I been spending all morning counting 'em, and it was all wrong.
There weren't 1,000.
There were only 998.
Laverne, this is strange.
What's going on? Well, it just occurred to me that I can be running this office in a more efficient manner.
I don't think so.
Laverne We need to talk.
Okay.
You got ten seconds.
Go.
Laverne, I just think that this whole thing with you and Nick - Five seconds.
- Is upsetting I'd hit those words "in conclusion" - Laverne! - Oop.
Time's up.
Laurie Kincaid, room one.
- Hi.
- Hi, doc.
I just dropped in to tell you I followed your advice about taking the initiative and asking a guy to the dance.
So I'm going.
Great! Who are you taking? Well, Monday I figured I'd go for broke and ask Scott nethery.
Scott nethery, the quarterback? He laughed.
Kind of an evil laugh.
So, uh, who you going with? I'm going with you! Who, me? You? That you Who, me? My mom and I'll pick you up around 8:00-ish? Honey, I can't take you to this dance! Dr.
Weston, you said that if I were to ask you to the dance, you'd say yes in a minute, remember? Yeah, but that was hypothetical.
I mean, I'm old enough to be your doctor! Well, I don't blame you.
Nobody else wanted to go with me either.
Laurie, hey, I would love to go with you.
Really.
I had some other plans, but I can change them.
- You sure? - Sweetheart, I would be delighted.
Great! Great! This is so great! I'm probably the only girl in the whole ninth grade who's bringing a doctor to the dance.
And Carly townsend thinks she's hot snot 'cause she's bringing a senior.
This is so great! You know what would be like the best? Would be if you and Scott nethery were to get into a fight over me in the parking lot.
Of course, just your taking me to the dance is really good enough.
Well, thanks a lot.
Laverne has really flipped her lid.
Look at this! She's made strawberry preserves, BlackBerry preserves, apricot preserves.
Did you see the label? "With a name like Laverne, it's gotta be good"? What are we gonna do? I don't know.
We can't talk to her.
Daddy will have to be our voice of reason.
Huh? What do you say? Does this say "freshman fandango"? If memory serves me correctly, this is what kids wear to the school dance.
Yeah.
So?.
.
So little Laurie Kincaid couldn't get a date for the dance, so I told her I'd take her.
Oh, that is so sweet, daddy.
What is all this? A good-looking jelly salesman? It's Laverne.
She's been making preserves like a woman possessed.
Daddy, she canned everything that wasn't pinned down.
Well, I'm glad I set those lovebirds free.
I tell you, this thing with Nick has thrown her for a loop.
Here we go! More fruits and sugar! Oh, you're here.
Great.
We need canners.
Better roll up those French cuffs.
Could be an all-nighter.
Ah Laverne, excuse me.
That, uh, would be my date.
Come on, dreyfuss, move.
Laverne! Wow, Laurie, you look gorgeous! I'm gonna be the luckiest guy on the dance floor.
Doc, we gotta talk.
Why? What's what's up? Dr.
Weston, this is Billy coder.
Hi.
Nice tux.
It's all they had left in my size.
Yeah, me too.
Doc, Billy wants to take me to the dance.
He was too embarrassed to ask me until today.
It's my height.
I haven't had my growth spurt yet.
Would you mind terribly if I went with Billy instead? Well I, uh, hope this doesn't come to blows, Dr.
Weston.
I heard at school that you'll be gunning for Scott nethery after the dance.
Crazy, crazy rumor mill.
Well, come on, Laurie.
Let's go.
Uh, nice to meet you, Dr.
Weston.
Pleasure.
Nice meeting you too.
Hey, hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Come on.
Have a lovely evening.
Thanks, doc.
And I'm sorry.
I'll be okay.
I'll find something to do.
All right.
I'm sure somewhere there's a Cuban band in need of a leader.
- Laverne? - Oh, doctor.
I's i's just about to turn in.
Well, you know, I thought that maybe since, you know, we're both up that Maybe we could talk about I don't wanna talk about it.
Okay, dear.
I just thought I'd ask.
Sorry.
Night, dear.
Good night, doctor.
Why do you think Nick stopped comin'? - You do wanna talk about it.
- I don't wanna talk about it.
Oh.
Okay.
I don't know I don't know why he stopped coming.
Do you think he'll come back? I don't know.
Wanna know what our fight was about? Only if you're comfortable talking about it.
I don't wanna talk about it.
Okay.
It was our anniversary.
Nick took me to my favorite restaurant for dinner.
And right before dessert, he took my hand and told me what he got me.
Tenth wedding anniversary, and he got me a bass boat.
Ah, Laverne, I'm sorry.
Why? It's exactly what I wanted.
Oh, of course.
Tenth anniversary is, uh, fishing craft.
Problem is, he wanted to name it the miss dorathula.
Ooh hoo.
Ugly name.
His mama's name.
For a boat, an ugly name.
For a parent I'll just listen to you talk for a while.
Well We went back and forth on it for a while, and when I insisted that boat be named after me, Nick called me something still rings in my ears.
He called me pushy.
Actually He called me a little pushy, but allow me the luxury of revisionist memory.
Can you believe it? He called me pushy! - Well - Well, what? Well, I mean, uh, to be perfectly honest with you, Laverne, there are certain times when you can be The tiniest bit pushy.
Well, you might as well just say pushy, 'cause that's how I'll remember it a couple of days from now anyhow.
- Okay.
- Well, this hurts.
I never intended to come across as pushy.
See, nobody knows this about me But it's always been real important that I be in complete control of every part of my life.
So this loosey goosey thing you do is just an act.
Exactly.
Truth is, I've never been so scared of anything as I am that maybe Nick's never gonna come back, and I just need so badly to talk to somebody about it.
- Wish it could be me.
- Can't be you.
No.
And for the first time in my life, I'm alone and I just don't know what to do.
I tried to go the obvious route.
I tried to go preserves.
And now I've lost him.
Oh, Laverne.
You haven't lost him.
Nick probably wants nothing more than for you to just come home.
Well, then why isn't he out there right now trying to woo me back? Well, dear, I mean, he gave it his best shot.
Maybe it's your turn to court him.
I do a mean rendition of proud Mary.
I bet he'd love to hear it.
Well, if I thought that might be true, I'd be home in a minute.
Might be.
I'm outta here.
- Doctor.
- Hmm.
- Thanks for the talk.
- Never happened.
Damn straight, it never happened.