ER Episode Scripts

N/A - s03e10

Previously on ER - Charlie, right? - Yes, you gave me condoms.
- We have an HIV-positive worker.
- Say no more.
If I get more experience, I'll be better prepared for the future.
That's not how you should be looking at it.
The best thing you can do for me is to leave me alone.
- I'm sorry.
I gotta work late.
- Well, there's late and there's later.
Hating me may feel good, but it won't change anything.
It doesn't feel good, Al.
Nothing about this feels good.
"Homeless For The Holidays" I was starting to think you weren't coming.
Dr.
Angelo's office was packed up.
- What did she say? - The tests don't detect a viral load.
- I guess the drug cocktail is working.
- That's great news.
Maybe I don't have to get a lawyer now.
The hospital might let it go.
I know.
It's still transmittable.
It's not a reason to make you shuffle paper for the rest of your career.
If I still have a career.
I have a meeting with Dr.
Greene and Dr.
Anspaugh in 10 minutes.
And I think you're too valuable to rubber-stamp admits all day long.
Thanks.
This is on me.
No matter what happens in there, this is great news.
- Sled to work, Dr.
Greene? - Christmas present for my daughter.
- That's it? - You remember sliding in those snow-covered bluffs with the cold wind blowing through your hair.
We didn't have too many snow-covered bluffs in Atlanta.
We did.
I coasted right through rush-hour traffic, got hit by a car.
Didn't they have one of those dolls that wet itself? Every toy in the store had a tie-in to a movie I was too busy to see.
I don't know what Duke Nukem was, but he looked pretty nasty.
You made a good choice with the sled.
- You look awful.
When did you start? - Yesterday morning.
- Mark, you ready? - Good morning.
I just gotta change.
- For you, Dennis.
- Somebody's trying to touch me? It's a lady.
Hey, Monique.
You're at the airport? Was it canceled? Come on, I thought we've been through this already.
You want the two of us to decide? None of us here would want any of our team endangering patients.
As Attendings, you're closest to the everyday workings of the ER.
So there is no hospital-wide policy.
Legal advises we handle it department by department.
So if we get sued, it's the individual attending's butt that's on the line? If the public learned that we had an HIV-positive health-care worker and started filing suits, all of our butts would be on the line.
So these workers can be fired because the hospital doesn't want to be sued.
In Illinois you can't fire employees because they're HIV-positive.
- But people have been forced to quit.
- Nobody is forcing anybody to quit.
What about restricting duties so they no longer fit the job description? I wouldn't presume to tell you two how to run your department, but to give you an idea about the current thinking, these are the CDC findings IIlinois state law and pending legal cases and various NIH and journal reports.
I know you two have had your differences in the past.
Do you think you can work together and solve this? Absolutely.
Sure.
Can you put on the card "Merry Christmas, Mom.
Love, Doug"? And can you make that a rush order? Dennis, what is up with that shower? I froze my ass off this morning.
- Did you hear the opera? - L/ Figaro? Mrs.
Needlebaum.
45 minutes of sing-along with Pavarotti and she uses up all the hot water.
- Did you get any sleep last night? - No, I had 15 admits.
- Fifteen? Wow! Only 10 more hours and then Yuletide cheer with the Carter family.
I feel bad subjecting you and your girlfriend to my family.
It's not going to happen.
Monique isn't coming.
- Not at all? - She said she had work.
Oh, damn.
I thought you guys were going to work it out too.
It's her loss.
I'll be a little late with all these new patients.
No worry.
Things don't get interesting until Uncle Branch starts drinking.
- You got your picks for the Bowl pool? - Here.
How much is it? Five bucks? - Twenty.
- Twenty, that's highway robbery.
- How much is in the pot? - 400.
I'm with you for Rose and Fiesta, but Cotton and Liberty are a waste.
Why is everyone standing around when I'm drowning with patients? - I'm on hold with the florist.
- Not anymore you're not.
- And merry Christmas Eve to you.
- Please don't talk to me about it.
At 5:00 this morning my mother decided she had to start the varenyky.
- Aren't those little dumplings? - Yeah.
She also picked the pre-dawn hour to harass me about the party.
So you're wearing that sexy Ukrainian shepherdess outfit? It was either that or endure hours of nagging.
Okay, snowmobile foot lac in the Suture Room.
Toddler eating mistletoe in 1.
Slip-and-fall in 3.
Watch out for Carol.
It's Christmas in the Ukraine.
- Is her mom making little dumplings? - Don't ask.
I heard Anspaugh is having some kind of secret meeting.
- Anything we should know about? - We have to hammer out a policy on HIV-positive health-care workers.
Anybody we know? Really? He is trying to kill me.
He ain't getting this goose, I stuffed it trussed it, called my 83-year-old grandma to get her marinade recipe.
- Oh, yeah, this gentleman - Female illusionist.
got into an argument with his boyfriend.
It got heated, and he - she started getting chest pain.
It was like an elephant sitting on my chest with attitude.
- She was diaphoretic.
- I never said that! - That means sweaty.
- Yeah.
It nearly ruined my gown.
Pressure's 130 over 95, resp is 25, slightly tachy at 120.
- Tacky? This is a Bob Mackie original.
- Get ready.
One, two, three I need a chest x-ray, cardiac enzymes and an EKG.
- Okay, Miss? - Understood.
Of "Miss Understood and the Mighty Morphin Gender Changers.
" We are at Club Cabaret every Friday and Saturday.
Give me the goose now so we can attach an EKG to your chest.
You want me to give you my Christmas dinner? No! - Give me the damn bird.
- Where are you going to put it? With the rest of your personal belongings.
It'd better be.
I don't want to wake up and see you picking your teeth.
- Are you on any medication? - Not besides the hormones.
- Have you had chest pain before? - When I get emotional or on that time of the month.
- It's someone in this department.
- Who? I don't know.
It's just the word on the street.
Tech on third floor heard it from a night guy, and now a secret meeting.
- See, that's how rumors get started.
- A rumor? Am I missing a good one? Attendings got pulled into a meeting, but they won't say what it's about.
About someone with HIV, but you didn't hear it from me.
Randi, do something with these personal effects.
They're perishable.
Jeanie, head lac in Exam 2.
Conni, if you're not too busy Some folks are getting too fond of the "manager" part of nurse manager.
- No kidding.
- Carol? Sorry, but Mark assigned me to Triage today.
Come on, guys! Why do I have to push all the time? I'm not your mother.
Excuse me, I need a doctor.
- Fill these out in the waiting room.
- No, I'm looking for Dr.
Ross.
For a medical problem? You still need to fill out this form.
The waiting room is that way.
- Does it hurt here? - Yes.
We're going to need a facial and a mandibular series, 75 mg of Demerol and Phenergan, I.
M.
Try and rustle up an oral surgeon too.
Good luck with that.
And get me a gram of Ancef, I.
M.
You got it.
Are you allergic to any meds? Okay, I think that your jaw is broken.
The antibiotics will keep bacteria from getting into your bloodstream.
But looking at your chart here, I guess you know the drill, huh? Humerus fracture, 1993.
Nasal fracture, 1993.
Multiple visits for suture, 1994.
And your first broken jaw, December '95.
I guess hubby thought he'd go out with a bang this year too.
- It was an accident.
- Your face got in the way of his fist.
What if we change the disclosure to include that people might be treated by an HIV-positive worker? - And start a witch hunt? - We have to inform patients by law.
- I take it you haven't read this.
- Americans with Disabilities Act.
- What is it? Proposals, addenda? - Here.
It says that you can't disclose one risk without disclosing equal risks.
- Meaning? - The patient doesn't have a choice whether they're treated by someone with a flu or with a hangover a doc who had a fight.
An intern who's been on for two days someone with HIV.
Illinois law says we can't prevent people from knowing they've been put at risk.
We have to tell them.
You'd rather follow the Illinois law than the federal statute? Because I'm concerned doesn't mean I'm some kind of bigot.
Your concern can't be extended to prevent Jeanie from earning a living.
Nobody is talking about firing her.
But we do have a responsibility to our patients.
What about our responsibility towards her? She uses universal precautions.
- Are you frightened? Is that it? - I'm trying to avoid lawsuits.
You think I want to get sued? But exposing her private tragedy ensures lawsuits and mass hysteria.
- We break the law? - Lf we have to, yes.
I care about Jeanie but there's a larger issue than your personal loyalty to a friend.
Sorry to interrupt, but we're swamped.
Whenever your done.
- We're done now.
- Mark, we haven't even made a dent.
Would you rather jeopardize patient care by ignoring a jam in Triage? Who's next? Santa Claus? No, that's who's next.
Three hookers.
One with downstairs discharge, and two with frostbite.
I turn around, next thing I know, the ribbon's hanging from his mouth.
- All I could get was the leaves.
- How many berries were on the stalk? Maybe four.
- And he wasn't vomiting? - No.
This mistletoe is good stuff, but we gotta get it out.
He asked for juice.
I didn't want to give him any till you approved.
Lily, make a bottle half juice, half activated charcoal.
Coming right up.
We're going to give him a bottle to absorb some of the toxins.
Excuse me.
There you are.
I've been looking for you at the shelter.
Come here.
- How is he? - There was blood in his diaper.
- In the stool or the urine? - I'm pretty sure it was in the pee.
I gotta get him home before his mom gets back.
If not, she'll kick me out.
You need to get his mother here now.
Can't you just hook him up with pills or something? No, I can't just hook him up with some pills.
Get his mother here.
- What happened to him? - The guy's name is John Collins.
He was drunk and sleeping in the park.
Some kids thought it would be fun to pour lighter fluid on him and play yule log.
He wouldn't let us put oxygen on him.
He kept screaming about Nick.
He's got extensive third-degree burns to the chest.
It's the guy's dog.
Barked at a mounted cop until he checked it out.
Randi, can you take care of this dog? You take care of my Nick now.
You take care of my Nicky.
- Take it easy, Mr.
Collins.
- He'll be in a kennel.
- No! No kennel, he's all I've got.
- Extremities are toast.
No IV, no BP.
- He needs massive fluids.
- You gotta promise me, doc.
- Promise me now.
- We'll look after it, just be quiet.
On my count, everyone.
I'm going to need a cutdown tray.
Get me blood gas with CO level, CBC, Chem-20, a portable chest for openers.
Is he okay? He's got a mass in his abdomen.
Once I get inside I'll know how bad it is.
- Is it bad? - Yes.
- The ultrasound is ready.
- Did you get hold of the mother? - She isn't home.
- Any adult relatives? There aren't any.
I take care of him when Gloria's not around.
Hang on.
There it is.
He's hemorrhaging into his kidney.
Get lytes, a CBC, a CT of the abdomen.
- Haleh, page the O.
R.
Too.
- What does it say? Ahmed's got something called a Wilms' tumor.
You see that area there? - That fluid? - The light gray? Yes, that's blood.
The tumor's invading his kidney.
That's why you see all that blood in his diaper.
- I should've brought him here before.
- I gotta get him to the O.
R.
I knew he was sick.
Is he gonna die? You did a good thing, Charlie.
Now dissect the right colon off the anterior surface of the tumor.
- Shall I retract the tumor laterally? - Yes, very gently.
That's it.
You say that the babysitter brought the child in? Yes, the mother was nowhere to be found.
Dr.
Ross knows the girl.
Now retract the tumor laterally.
Tie off the renal vein and artery and ureter and transect it.
Slowly, now.
Avoid the left renal vessels.
Now free up the kidney, and we'll take it out.
- All the pretty, twinkly lights.
- That's why you danced with the elves.
I'd like some sherry now.
- What's your name, ma'am? - I'm Blitzen.
- The most overlooked of all reindeer.
- Blitzen.
It's your lucky day, Beth.
You only have a fractured cheekbone.
It means you can go home.
Unless you don't want to.
There is a shelter called Hope House for women and kids in trouble.
- I don't have kids.
- It's okay, you can go there alone.
- They have security.
- He'll find me.
They have reciprocal agreements with shelters all over the country.
- You could go anywhere you want.
- Sweetheart, are you okay? I knew I should have fixed that top step, but I've been so busy.
Do you forgive me? Can you forgive me, honey? I love you.
That's my girl.
- Is she going to be all right? - We're actually not done, Mr.
Lang.
We still need to do a head CT, facial tomograms, put her on IV antibiotics.
- Is that going to take long? - We do our best with the holidays.
Family isn't allowed in the exam area.
Malik, show him the chairs.
Sure.
I'll be right outside, honey.
So you want to hear some more about those shelters? - No good? - I've tried cookies, fruitcake.
- Nobody likes fruitcake.
- I thought dogs ate everything.
Why not take him to the morgue and let him beg for table scraps? That's Mr.
Collins.
Maybe he knows what you like to eat.
I think he likes you.
- What's going on? - While moving him to the burn unit he had shortness of breath.
BP's 80 palp, tachycardic at 140.
All right, get me a 40-mg IV bolus of Lasix.
- We need to intubate, 7.
5.
- He's bradying down.
- Rate's 40, no pulse.
- Damn it! Get me a mg of atropine.
- Start CPR.
- Asystole.
All right, let's give him an amp of epi.
Come on Mr.
Collins.
Come on.
I don't care if Psych is backed up.
She thinks she's a reindeer.
Well, dangerous? You know, she bruised an elf.
- Excuse me, miss.
- Who parked in the ambulance bay? The car's mine, actually my employer's.
I'm looking for a missing person.
Take a number, sir.
The line starts in the waiting room.
- It's a woma"n with a hand puppet.
- Did you say puppet? - You found him something to munch on.
- He found it himself.
- Are dogs meant to eat chicken bones? - Is that chicken? Charlie, Ahmed is out of surgery.
He's going to be okay.
- I can take him home now? - No, he'll need time to recover.
- Gloria is going to be pissed.
- I'm going to have to call DCFS.
- You're going to narc her out? - I'm not narcing on anybody.
The boy's been sick.
The mother should have seen that weeks ago.
Gloria didn't know.
She just found out.
She sounds really worried.
- Come on, she'll throw me out.
- So you live with her.
- So you lied to me about the shelter.
- Come on, please.
All right, I'll give her a chance.
But I'm not promising you anything.
Eating hospital food? That desperate? Come on, let's get some lunch.
- You scared me.
- The surgery went really well.
Yeah, it did.
My 3:00 hernia was canceled.
So I am free tonight.
So I figured, if you hadn't made any plans I could make my traditional phone call to Pizza Ring.
I got a family thing.
I already asked a friend of mine to go with me.
I understand.
It was last minute anyway.
- Christmas Eve.
- I'll rent a movie, it's what I do.
Let me talk to my buddy.
He was tired earlier.
He may prefer to go home.
So Let's do something later.
Pizza sounds great.
Gingerbread.
It always reminds me of Christmas at home.
You ever do that? In a civilized society, people acknowledge each other's speech.
You want to talk about Christmas at my home? Home is where my mom got bombed out of her mind and brought a drunk home.
Then she'd pass out, giving him the idea he'd rather sleep with me.
All right, we know why you left.
How far did you run? - From Cleveland.
- Did you call her lately? She probably moved on by now.
She never stays anywhere for very long.
Both of these, plus the three Danish, the two packets of cocoa and the two dinner rolls in her pocket.
Great.
Thanks.
- Hey.
- Hey, man.
I have now changed every drain and lanced every boil in this hospital.
that Jell-O thing your cook makes.
Aspic.
That's what I want to talk to you about.
Say no more.
I have an aunt who makes chitterlings.
You don't even want to know what that's all about.
Okay.
There is a chance that I may not be able to make the party.
- Are you working? - No.
There's this girl.
- That's cool, I understand.
- You're sure? Who wants to hang with his homies when he can be with a honey? - You gonna be? - I'll be fine.
- It's a chance to go home and sleep.
- Don't hang over me.
I'll be fine.
Let's do something tomorrow night.
Go out, get a couple of beers.
I'm on tomorrow night.
I know what universal precautions are.
Does it refer to double gloves here? - You're exaggerating with guidelines.
- And participating in bloody trauma? - Nothing wrong with that.
- Bloody trauma.
- Maybe that's the deal with Dr.
Lewis.
- I don't think Susan's HIV-positive.
- Susan is fine.
- That's what I said.
- Lydia's been sick a lot lately.
- Shut your mouth.
I expect more from you than gossiping about a coworker's HIV status.
Kerry and I have been hammering out a policy.
There's no secret there.
This shouldn't be a grist for the rumor mill.
Why should we have HIV-positive employees in ER at all? According to the current law, Employee X cannot be fired because of their HIV status.
- But they can deal with bloody trauma? - Why not, if they're gloved? - Was it from a needle stick? - What difference does it make? Should Employee X be restricted to non-invasive procedures? - Or continue with their duties? - Won't universal precautions be safe? That's what we're told when we're working on HIV-positive patients.
The real question here is whether our patients have the right to know.
This has no reflection upon my opinion of Employee X's work.
- Is there an actual Employee X? - It's a policy.
It could be any of us.
Excuse me.
Would everyone stop calling me Employee X? I am HIV-positive.
We talked about this.
The risks of her bleeding into an open wound while suturing are remote.
I'm not saying she can't work, but I'm trying to set the boundaries.
You set the boundaries at Triage and answering phones.
That's not her job.
I have no troubles if she performs her duties within limits.
Dispensing medication, that's fine.
But some things aren't.
For example: It says here, "Deep-penetrating, poorly visualized cavities.
" That's from the CDC.
I think that should be off-limits.
- I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it.
- Okay.
See, progress.
You know, Mark.
Since I found out, I have been a lot more careful.
- You think I would harm a patient? - No, I don't.
But the administration has left it up to Kerry and I to create a policy that the government can't seem to agree on.
I've agonized over this.
I've considered quitting, but my life can still have value.
I can still help people.
What else are you worried about? Dementia.
You're fine now, but what if you decline? Dementia may be the first sign of full-blown AIDS.
I've heard that there's some hospitals that instituted a physician monitor.
Someone to help keep tabs on the person's health.
I could do that.
Okay.
So that's one thing.
What else? - So was it a needle stick? - I guess so.
You don't think she? - Hi, Jeanie.
- Hi.
- Hey, Jeanie.
- Hey.
I wish I'd known.
- Would it have made us friends? - Now, that's not fair.
Nothing is.
- Well? - Mr.
Lang.
Hi.
Is Beth okay? I've been sitting here for hours.
I'm sorry.
Your wife's fall is worse than we initially thought.
She might have to stay overnight for observation.
Anyway, the coroner is going to have my butt if we don't get him this guy.
So why don't you just wait? Hey, buddy! This patient is going to the bus station.
- A stiff? - Miraculous recovery.
Here you go.
For your bus ticket and some burgers.
I can't take this from you.
Go on, you got a 3:15 to Abilene to catch.
- I don't even know where that is.
- Hopefully, neither does he.
Bye.
You won the pool.
Congratulations.
- That was the football pool money? - Yeah, I thought she was a better bet.
Alternators, amusement, ammunition - There's no animal shelters.
- Check humane societies.
You can't give him away.
You promised Mr.
Collins.
That's before I paid 50 bucks to a drag queen for a free-range goose.
You know what happens when they can't find homes for dogs? - What am I gonna do with a dog? - Dogs are great.
They're good company.
They watch your stuff when you're gone.
Your daughter will love him.
- Do you think? - Yeah, my dad got me a dog.
Skippy, when I was 6.
Best present I ever got.
The two of us were like peanut butter and jelly.
- I can take you all in for kidnapping.
- He was sick.
- Don't tell me how to raise my son! - I'm Dr.
Ross.
Can I help you? - You can give me back my son.
- Your son just had major surgery.
- I'll call the cops on your ass.
- Are you high, Gloria? - I'm clean.
You don't know anything.
- The DCFS will decide.
- You promised you wouldn't narc! - I did give her a chance.
- She's just scared.
- You come in here messed up.
You don't ask about your critically ill son, so why don't you have a seat? I'll get my kid back, you bastard! You think you can mess with a Latina? I'll call my lawyer up in here and sue you all! You're just like the rest of them! Gloria, wait up! What's that? The homeless guy's dog.
The dog saved his life.
I told him that I'd watch out for him, and the next thing I know the guy up and dies on me.
- So you're the proud owner of Well, given the season, you should call him Saint Nick.
Well, Rachel can call him whatever she wants.
- Rachel? - Yes.
I thought I'd give her a puppy for Christmas.
In case you hadn't noticed, that dog is, like, 8 years old.
He's ready for a midlife crisis.
He's ready for a fur replacement.
With a wash, a bow around his neck, he won't look a day over 5.
- Do you know how to bathe dogs? - What's to know? - Could you hold him? - Yeah, for 20 bucks.
- Twenty bucks.
It's a little steep.
- I lost my wallet.
I need a loan.
- Deal.
- Okay.
- Hang on.
- You got him? Hold on.
- Damn it! - See to your head.
I'll get the dog.
- Can I get some help? - Yeah.
- That looks pretty deep.
- Dog trauma.
Yeah, he went that way, giving Doug a run for his money.
It looks like I need some stitches, don't you think? - You want me to call someone? - No, I want you to do it.
Okay.
- Very William Powell.
- Aren't they great? - Silk? - Try it on.
Dr.
Keaton? Yes, Dr.
Benton.
- Is this a bad time? - No, I was reviewing some anatomy.
- May I come in for a moment? - Sure.
First, I'd like to thank you for the large role in the Lopez nephrectomy.
- You did a great job.
- Thank you.
That's actually why I'm here.
I'd like to do another Pediatric Surgery rotation.
- I won't be here next rotation.
- I know.
I was hoping for your recommendation for me with your replacement.
You're a very good surgeon, Peter, but that's not enough for Pedes.
You've got to live and breathe for children.
You took this rotation to challenge yourself.
I applaud that, but I can't give up a space that could be filled by a future pediatric surgeon.
I'd be happy to talk to Dr.
Anspaugh or Morgenstern.
I hear that Don's doing some really interesting stuff in thoracics.
No, no, no.
Thank you.
I wouldn't want to waste any more of your time.
You've got an old scar.
It looks like you've done this before.
I played rugby in high school for a few weeks to impress a girl.
After ending on the bottom of a few scrums, I rethought the relationship.
Jeanie, you're a great P.
A.
You're an asset to the ER.
- But? - But nothing.
I think you should stay.
And do my job, not do clerical work? Yeah, within the limits that we set earlier.
But you still wouldn't want me suturing your daughter.
I don't know.
Okay.
Good as new.
When I caught up with him, he'd become the mascot of the childrens' ward.
Thank you.
Good catch.
All right, now, I am on my way home.
For a holiday with mu shu pork, Channel 11, yule log and my chair.
- How's your forehead? - Jeanie fixed me right up.
Yeah, she's a great P.
A.
All right, my work here is done.
Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry I lied to you, Mark.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- What happened here? - Long story.
I swallowed a bunch of pills a few years ago.
When I got back to work, people either smothered me or ignored me.
If we aren't friends, maybe we should be.
Well, I have a house full of crazy relatives waiting for me.
- Merry Christmas, Carol.
- Merry Christmas.
Hey! Hey! What are you doing? How did you find out where I live? I thought I lost this.
- You did, at the cafeteria.
- And the 50-odd bucks that was in it? - I needed cab fair.
- 50 bucks worth? - What are you doing here? - Gloria's pissed and blames it on me.
- I can't stay there anymore.
- And? I thought I could crash with you.
You're 14 years old, you stole my wallet and you've been a pain.
- You want me to stay on the streets? - In a shelter.
Shelter on Christmas Eve? Sounds like fun.
Hi.
How did you find me? Dr.
Weaver told me you were taking a break.
I I got a lot of Christmas cards for Mr.
And Mrs.
Al Boulet.
I thought you might want to look at them.
You can sit down.
I don't bite.
Aunt Nonni.
What get-rich-quick scheme is she considering this year? Southwestern land development.
- Beats the envelope-stuffing scheme.
- And the roller disco.
I also thought you might like to have this.
Where did you find this? I finally got a chance to go through some of the boxes in the house.
I found my socket set, too.
Remember that ridiculous tree in the old apartment? There was nothing ridiculous about it.
It was a prime piece of pine.
It was about 6 feet too tall for a studio apartment.
- And you refused to cut the top off.
- That would have been sacrilege.
The stucco scratches are still there.
You ate all the popcorn before I could string it with the cranberries.
- That's different.
- How? Because you know how I feel about popcorn.
Hey, Dennis! Dennis.
You're sleeping.
- No, I was just resting my eyes.
- What are you still doing here? - I've got all these charts.
- They can wait.
No, I want to finish them up.
- You are gonna get some sleep? - Yeah, absolutely.
I'm good.
All right, man.
Hey, I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
Well, actually I was just seducing this fat man in a fly red suit who came down the chimney, but other than that Here, I brought this poinsettia.
Who knew the Zippy Mart was still open on Christmas Eve? Busted.
I just didn't want to show up here empty-handed.
Thank you.
- For the poinsettia.
- Yeah.
Well, you're welcome.
Are you gonna come in, or are you gonna let all this cold air in here? - You forgot the extra chair.
- I borrowed some from next door.
The extra chair is for the unexpected guest.
A tradition much older than you or me or the guy next door.
There is no room.
And as much as I'd like to sit on Uncle Nico's lap Fine, fine.
Have it your way.
First we have to have sviat vecher on American Christmas Eve.
Then it's like pulling teeth to get you to help me to cook.
Now, one last tradition I ask you to assist me with.
And - An unexpected guest, maybe? - Maybe.
- Hey.
- Don't say a word.
Weren't you planning a quiet evening with Channel 9? The plan's changed.
- You're kidding me? - She came to my place and can't stay.
It wouldn't look very good, so No.
No way, Doug.
It's bad enough.
I've got drunken dancers reenacting the purge in here.
- It's Christmas, Carol.
- Doug, I am painfully aware of that.
Come on.
Come on, Nick.
Nick, let's get out of here.
Come on, buddy.
Come on.
Mark! I didn't hear you ring the bell.
Jennifer, guess who's here? You won't believe what he's got with him either.
I got Rachel Labrador puppies for Christmas, and here you are with - What is he, some kind of a setter? - Mixed breed.
- Daddy! Daddy! - Hi, sweetheart.
- We thought you'd come tomorrow.
- Yeah, well - Daddy, you brought me a doggy.
- Great minds think alike.
Actually, he's my dog, and I just wanted you to meet him.
- I'm sorry.
You okay? - Are you okay? - Bad dog! - The doggy didn't mean it.
- Let me take a look.
- Has he had his shots yet? Craig, let Mark take a look at it.
He's a doctor.
- Come on in, Mark.
- Okay, let's go.
Had I known she'd distract Mom, I'd have invited her a long time ago.
- So can she stay tonight? - No, I don't think it's a good idea.
- That's nice.
- You should make one.
It's cool.
I don't know, Charlie.
I'm no Picasso.
- You chicken? - Yeah, are you a chicken? Yeah, I'm a chicken.
Get over there, I'll paint it.
Okay, one night.
Just one.
Tonight.
- As /ong as we have hands to clasp.
Christmas Day wi// always be just as /ong as we have we.
Welcome Christmas while we stand - I'm never gonna get sick of that.
- Do they have Dr.
Seuss in Pakistan? I don't think it's a priority.
- Will you be safe? - You can't guarantee safety anywhere.
I feel safe here.
My father used to read the Christmas story every Christmas Eve.
I'm so tired, I don't even think I remember it.
- 'Twas the night before Christmas - And all through the house - Not a creature was stirring - Not even a mouse.
- I'm gonna miss you.
- That's not the next line.
I'm really going to miss you.
- What are you looking at? - This tree.
It's missing something, you know? Yeah, well Pedes did a good job with the construction paper chain, huh? Yeah.
That was a real gutsy thing you did today.
Thanks.
You know, I have just the thing.
It looks good.
- Where did you get it? - My ex-husband brought it by.
- It came off our first Christmas tree.
- That's an heirloom.
You should put it on your family tree.
I just did.