Family Ties (1982) s01e16 Episode Script

I bet we've been together for a million years and I'll bet we'll be together for a million more oh, it's like I started breathing on the night we kissed and I can't remember what I ever did before what would we do, baby without us? what would we do, baby without us? and there ain't no nothin' we can't love each other through ooh-hoo what would we do, baby without us? sha-la-la-la you know, we beat windsor elementary today in field hockey.
That's terrific, Jennifer! How'd you do? Hey, dad, have you been following what's been happening in the stock market lately? I mean, they say that 1,000 is gonna be the base for the future.
I mean, can you picture it? A market with a dow base of 1,000? I grow lightheaded at the very thought.
I was talking, Alex.
Do you mind? Aw, sorry, Jennifer.
Windsor hasn't lost a game since 1911, and they still have the same coach.
Look, dad, I've been making a killing on paper every day.
I mean, I have a knack for picking what's gonna go up and when to get out at a good profit.
Alex, charting those stocks is just a school project.
They're thinking of firing the coach now.
I know it's just a school project.
That's what's killing me.
Mr.
Matthews down at the brokerage house, he keeps recommending my tips to his clients.
Could we talk about something else here? Alex has monopolized the conversation all night.
All right.
What do you want to talk about, Mallory? You have some keen insight for us about lipstick? Alex, your sister has a point.
Enough with the stock market.
Let's hear about some other things that are going on in the world.
Mal? Well, they have come up with this new lipstick you can just pencil on.
Want to go back to the stocks, dad? Alex, I'm not investing one cent.
It's out of the question.
Dad, you're missing a golden opportunity here.
It's like taking candy from a baby.
Brings back memories.
Elyse, are you finished? I'm I'm sorry, sweetheart.
This project isn't working, and it's making me crazy.
I think I have the first recorded case of architect's block.
What's the problem, mom? Well, I'm designing a chapel for the university, and the problem is that people from many different religions are gonna use it.
Why is that a problem? Well, I'm not sure how to allot the space.
I mean, like, if I have four separate altar areas, then half the time, only 1/4 of the people will be facing the minister of their choice.
What about revolving pews? I-I'll work on it some more.
I've been following this one stock here sykundo tin.
Uh-huh.
It's gonna triple at least.
But we have to get in on it now.
I told the broker we'd call him at home.
No way! Alex, you've got to understand, the stock market is a-a very complex, unpredictable thing.
My own experience with it has been rather, uh We lost a bundle.
It'll be different this time.
All you have to do is reopen the account.
I'll handle it from there.
All the account consists of are the 50 shares of at&t my father gave us for a wedding present.
And we're not gonna risk that.
Mnh-mnh.
The phone company.
Where is the challenge? Mallory alone keeps the phone company in business.
Alex, Alex, no! Mom, it's now or never.
Sykundo tin is gonna be the next McDonald's.
I'm with your dad on this.
I'm sorry if you think we're being unreasonable.
But Nah.
Hi, I'd like to speak to Mr.
Matthews, please.
Hi.
Mr.
Matthews? Yes, this is Steven Keaton.
Yes, Alex Keaton's father.
Yeah, I'd like to reopen my account and purchase at the opening bell.
Uh, pardon me for a moment.
Alex, you're not dad! That's plagiarism! Just be quiet for a minute, Jennifer.
I-I can explain all this.
I don't think I could be quiet, Alex.
Chew on this, then.
Uh, sorry to keep you waiting, sir.
Just some, uh, prowlers at the back door.
Yeah, that's right.
Reopen my account and purchase Just use that at&t stock as collateral.
All right, thank you.
Good night.
Jennifer, this isn't as bad as it seems.
I'll be the judge of that.
What you've just witnessed was done for mom and dad's own good.
I mean Their anniversary is coming up.
Don't you think they'll be surprised when I give them a nice, big, sentimental check? I mean, everybody's gonna come out of this a winner! I know I will.
Right.
Turn over those 500 shares of overdyne we bought.
Right, and all of the genetic stock.
Put everything we have into v.
I.
P.
Well, thank you.
Actually, it was the wife's idea.
Uh, that'll be it for today.
Bye.
I suppose you're wondering what that phone call was all about.
Not at all.
How's the little woman? Um, mom, I-i was just working on my school project.
See, I was pretending to buy and sell some stocks there.
Pretending to be grown up, with a family and a dog, will lend some authenticity to the project.
That's all.
Humor me.
I've been doing that for 17 years, Alex.
Did you have a nice run? Oh, it was okay.
Thought I'd clear my mind, but I still haven't come up with any ideas for the chapel.
Oh, well, don't let it get to you.
Well, it's hard not to.
I mean, I know I'm a good architect, but, suddenly, I cannot come up with a simple solution to an easy problem.
It just shakes my confidence.
It makes me feel like I don't know what I'm doing.
You ever felt like that? No.
Mom We're really gonna have to talk about this exercise kick you've been on lately.
It's killing me.
It's good for you.
Mallory.
Look at you back already.
You made good time.
Yeah, I sort of took a shortcut.
You mean, you didn't go all the way around the park? She didn't even go all the way around the house.
Hey, everybody.
Oh, how's the market doing, Alex? Well, starting with 100 shares of sykundo tin, I parlayed $500 into $3,000.
Then I opened a margin account, and I made 20% return in three days.
Then I bought options on a south American oil well, made more than triple value in three weeks, and put everything I have $10,800 Into v.
I.
P.
I'm heavily margined, but there's double the chance for profit.
That's very nice.
I forgot what I asked you.
What is v.
I.
P.
? Video industries of the Philippines.
Maybe you should go there and check out your investment.
Go with it, Alex.
I've got to say, I admire your spirit.
It's great to see you so excited about a school project.
I'm excited about his project, too.
Well, I've got an early meeting down at the station.
I'll grab a bite there.
Okay.
Have a good day, baby.
Mmm.
Oh, boy.
Here they go.
Oh, I'm sorry, Mallory.
We'll say goodbye at the car.
I'm in no hurry.
You guys make breakfast? Now that my workout's over, I think I'll go change.
Hope I don't stiffen up.
Sounds like we're doing okay, partner.
Jennifer, I've turned $500 into $10,000.
I can't believe how hot I am! How much is my cut so far? $1,000 for your college fund and $50 for a new bike.
Not bad just for keeping quiet.
Mom and dad will see things differently when I give them that check for their anniversary.
I'm gonna take them down to the brokerage house tomorrow and surprise them.
Alex, mom and dad can't be bought off.
They're not like you and me.
We're talking about thousands of dollars here, Jennifer.
Of course, a little cash always puts a new perspective on life.
Hi.
How are you? Hi, Mr.
Matthews.
Oh, hi, Alex.
I'll be with you in just a second.
I'm having some trouble with the computer here.
Keeps jamming.
Circuits must be down.
I don't know.
Oh, have you tried this? See, sometimes you have to clear it during this phase, or it's a real pain.
I knew that.
Oh, look at that Trans alloid up a point.
And petramco up 2 1/2! That's terrific! Yeah.
That's terrific.
Well, you're as hot as a pistol, Alex.
You got the midas touch, buddy boy.
Well, I'm glad I talked my dad into investing.
Oh, and that setback with v.
I.
P.
, while regrettable, is certainly understandable.
Excuse me.
What setback with v.
I.
P.
? Uh, Mr.
Matthews, w-what was that you just said about v.
I.
P.
? Well, there was a typhoon in Manila last night.
Millions in damage.
The stock dropped 28 points.
Excuse me, Alex.
Uh, are you sure? About what? About the typhoon! The stocks! Are you sure? Of course I'm sure.
I'm surprised you didn't know about it.
What am I, a weatherman?! I've been in school all day! I'm a kid! That's right.
I forget sometimes.
Alex, take it easy.
So it's dropped 28 points.
He bought it at 29.
Look, all he has to do is meet the margin call by closing tomorrow.
How much how much How much is the margin call? $2,700.
That's no big deal.
Mr.
Matthews: Uh, excuse me, Alex.
I've got some customers to take care of.
Hi.
Elyse: Aah! That's not good for business, Alex.
Look, Mr.
Matthews, those, uh, people out there are my parents.
M-my dad doesn't know about the typhoon or the margin call.
Look, Alex, the way your dad plays the market, he understands that a $2,700 margin call isn't the end of the world.
Yeah, well, uh, l-l-let me just tell them in my own way, okay? You don't understand He takes these things very hard! When he was a boy A typhoon wiped out his village.
Okay, Alex.
If he's gonna take the news anywhere close to the way you're taking it, maybe you're right.
You found it.
Great.
Come on in.
Alex, what's going on here? Uh, here? Here, this This is a brokerage house.
They buy.
They sell.
Alex, you just slammed the door on us.
Yeah, well, I didn't want you to come in until everything was just right.
Clean up that desk, will you? W-why did you want us to come down here? What was all this talk about an anniversary present? Yeah, well, I just thought this would be the best place to give it to you.
Happy anniversary, mom, dad.
I love you.
I don't know why you're making such a big deal about this.
Alex, this was not an ordinary afternoon.
You tell us to meet you at a brokerage house to give us an anniversary present.
When we get there, you slam the door in our faces, give us some guy's rolodex, and send us on our way.
I admit, we're not the busiest people in the world, but, um, there are better ways to spend a day.
Look, I might as well tell you the truth.
You've tried everything else, Alex.
Yeah, well, I'm I'm sorry to have gotten you down there under false pretenses, but, uh, I've been trying to, uh Get you to invest for a couple of weeks now.
And I-i figured, once you got down there You know, the excitement of the place, the the roar of the ticker tape, the smell of the crowd You'd catch the fever.
I mean, obviously, it didn't work.
I didn't want it to be a total loss, so I gave you the rolodex.
We don't want to hear anything else about investing, okay? We're not interested.
And, uh, that's final.
Well, you, uh, can't blame me for trying.
Ohhhhhhh! Ohh! Hey, Alex, how did mom and dad like their present? There was no present, Jennifer.
There was a typhoon in Manila Millions in damage.
The stock went way down.
If I don't come up with $2,700 by tomorrow, they're gonna sell mom and dad's stock.
Wow.
So much for my life.
So much for my bike.
Jennifer, I need help.
I'm desperate.
And please Don't say "I told you so.
" I won't.
I knew it.
I knew it.
Hi, red cross? Yeah, um, what would I get if I donated a pint of blood? No, in addition to the lollipop.
Oh.
How about a gallon? Alex, I can let you have $18.
11.
Thanks, Jennifer.
Now all I need is another$2,600.
Do you think dad would be suspicious if I asked for a $2,600 advance on my allowance? Jennifer, let's try to be discreet about this.
We're trying to keep this from mom and dad, remember? Right.
I mean, this is just between you and me, right? Right.
So, Alex, what are you gonna do? Sell your soul to the devil or your body to someone who's nearsighted? Jennifer! Sometimes when you keep a secret all to yourself, you get a real bad headache.
Yeah, well, I'm the one who's got the headache.
Look, Alex, as painful as it may seem, I think the only thing to do here is tell the truth.
To mom and dad? What, are you crazy? I meant to the broker.
Maybe the two of you could work something out.
I still don't see why I have to be here, Alex.
For sympathy, Jennifer.
It's hard to say no to someone when they're holding hands with their 10-year-old sister.
Want me to limp? No, just, uh, look cute and, uh, be bubbly.
Hi, Mr.
Matthews.
Hey, Alex.
How are you? Fine.
Uh, Mr.
Matthews, this is my little sister, Jennifer.
Isn't she sweet? Yeah, I guess so.
I'm not really good with little kids.
Nice call, Alex.
But look what's going on, Alex.
Hey, digifax up a point.
Brickhouser up 2 1/2.
That's terrific.
Everything you've recommended Incredible, as always.
My clients have been making a killing.
So, I guess you owe a lot to Alex.
You could look at it that way.
We are.
Listen, uh, did you bring the check from your dad? Uh, Mr.
Matthews, I need a favor.
Well, I'll be glad to help if I can.
Well, you know, I never should've bought that v.
I.
P.
Stock.
Oh, I get it You're feeling guilty because you advised your father to buy a stock and it went down.
Well, well, that's part of it.
You can't feel that way, Alex.
Sometimes even I recommend stocks that go down.
Sometimes people get burned.
But I can't allow myself to become emotionally involved, and neither can you.
We're kind of old-fashioned.
We are emotionally involved with our father.
Uh, Mr.
Matthews, let's say Just for fun, that, uh, my dad ran a little short of cash.
L-let's even go so far as to say that, uh That he can't come up with the money to cover the stock.
Now, you know me.
We have a relationship, right? Very good relationship.
Since we have such a good relationship, and you know my dad and I wouldn't let you get stuck I-I mean, uh W-we'd come up with that money just as soon as I As we could.
Uh, now, considering our friendship a-and all that I've done for you This isn't very good news, is it? No, it's not.
But we invested everything we had with you Our our life savings.
We knew there would be risks going in.
We discussed that.
But we're retired people.
There's no way that we can re-earn what we've lost.
We'll lose our house, our car.
Isn't there anything you can do? Sorry.
Say hi to dad.
Now, then, Alex what was it you wanted? I did it.
I never thought I'd finish this chapel.
You've got to have faith, Elyse.
See, all the different religions have been satisfied.
I just have that one little blank space down there.
That could be the agnostics' lounge.
Yes! Mom, this drawing is so complicated.
Why are there three levels? Well, conceptually, it's similar to the citadel of David in Jerusalem.
That doesn't help me, mom.
Okay, let me tell you about this in terms you'd understand.
Uh, have you ever seen "Hollywood squares"? Okay, see, now, the basic design of the chapel is going to be multilayered.
Now, each faith will have its own room on one of three levels, much like the celebrities on "Hollywood squares.
" Okay, now, uh, now, down here, where Charley Weaver usually sat, we'll have the unitarians, and, uh, over here in, uh, jan Murray's spot, the Jews.
Right up here in the center, the catholics.
Where rose Marie used to sit! This is wonderful, Elyse.
Why do all the rooms have these connecting doors? In case anyone wants to convert.
Hey, kids.
Uh, listen I've, uh, got to talk to you guys.
I did it, Alex.
I finished the chapel! All my problems are over! Not so fast, mom.
Uh, mal, why don't we go upstairs? Now would be a good time to Um, yeah, you don't have to convince me.
I'm with you.
Well, Alex, what's wrong? Uh, remember that philippine video stock I was so high on? I'm not so high on it anymore.
A typhoon wiped out the company.
Well, it looks like it wiped you out, too.
Yeah, well, that's true.
I-I had all my money on that stock.
Well, it can't affect your grade that much.
It was such a little stock.
So now you'll get a b-plus instead of an "a.
" I sense that there's more to this story, Elyse.
Yeah, well, there is.
I, uh I kind of called the broker, and I kind of told him that I was You.
And I kind of bought some stock with my money.
I was going great, so I bought some more stock And some more And I was heavily margined.
Well, there's a margin call, and if I don't have $2,700 by 4:00, they're gonna sell your at&t stock.
Alex, let me get this straight! You lied to us! You went behind our backs! You pretended you were me, and you spent money that wasn't yours! You make it sound so bad.
Alex, I can't even believe you had the nerve to do this! Well, I-i guess I just got carried away.
You know, the buying and the selling and the action, I The excitement! We've heard enough about your thirst for excitement! You're a high-school student, Alex, not a flying wallenda! What a jerk I was.
Here I was, acting like I had all the answers, like I was perfect, like I was infallible.
Well, I'm not, and I know that now.
I guess that realization is punishment enough, huh? Not even close.
I don't blame you.
I'm sorry.
I really am.
Steven, what are we gonna do? I mean, are we gonna let them sell the stock, or are we gonna come up with the money to cover it? Well, as someone who knows the market, it's my opinion Alex! We're gonna give the broker the money and hold on to the stock.
That's just what I was gonna suggest.
Elyse, uh, why don't you get a check over to the broker? I'll go down to the bank and cover it with savings.
Okay.
Do you want me to go with you? I want you to stay right where you are! And you might as well get real comfortable, because you are not leaving that spot for the next six months.
And this is just the beginning.
No movies, no dates.
Sounds fair.
And no TV! Not even "wall street week"? Especially not "wall street week.
" Come on, dad! I didn't kill a guy! Alex, I'm out $2,700.
I am the major investor in an underwater video company in the Philippines.
They probably have a picture of me in one of their huts with the caption "our founder.
" You're lucky to be getting off this easy.
Uh, listen, just just in case, I mean, if the stock does go up, we're in this 50/50, right?