Family Ties (1982) s03e05 Episode Script

052 - Keaton 'N Son

## I'll bet We've been together ## ## For a million years ## ## And I'll bet We'll be together ## ## For a million more ## ## Ooh, it's like I started breathin' ## ## On the night we kissed ## ## And I can't remember What I ever did before ## ## What would we do, baby ## ## Without us? ## ## What would we do, baby ## ## Without us? ## ## And there ain't No nothin' ## ## We can't love Each other through ## ## Ooh-hoo ## ## What would we do, baby ## ## Without us? ## ## Sha-la-la-la ## Oh, Dad, can you help us out on this? This is the 15th name-your-baby book we've gone through.
We haven't come up with anything.
Oh, well, keep trying.
You still have about six weeks.
Wait a minute.
I've got the name.
It's been staring us in the face the whole time.
What is it? Charo.
Charo Keaton.
I like that.
What if it's a boy? Shecky.
Have you been watching The Tonight Showagain? Of course not, Dad.
You know I'm not allowed to stay up that late.
What about Johnny, Ed or Doc? Come on, come on, let's, uh, take this ice cream up to your mom and try out some of these names on her.
Hey, how's she feeling? Well, she feels great.
She wants to get out of bed, but I told her no.
The obstetrician wants her to totally stay off her feet.
I'll give up "Mallory" and take "Charo.
" Hi.
Hey, Mallory.
You know, you'd think that somebody would want to give an enterprising young college student a part-time job.
You got turned down again? Yep.
Harding National Bank turned me down today.
Kinda hurt too.
It's hard to be rejected by someone you love.
Alex, how about working for Dad? Remember he offered you that job down at the station? Mallory, I'm learning how to be a captain of industry, a A A powerbroker, a mover and a shaker.
You know, Dad is a thoughtful, sensitive, caring man.
I could pick up some bad habits from him.
I don't think you have to worry about becoming too sensitive, Alex.
Can't help it.
I worry about it.
Anyway, I just don't think it would look good, me working for a nonprofit organization, you know? The, uh The whole concept of Of nonprofit is Ew.
Alex, I know it would mean a lot to Dad if you took the job.
Yeah, well, I'm not gonna throw in the towel yet, Mallory.
I had a meeting with Mrs.
Terwilliger from Trade Bank of Ohio.
They said they might have an opening for me.
Oh, hey, Alex.
Hey, Dad.
How's Mom? Oh, fine, fine.
Just taking it easy.
Good, good.
Uh, listen, how'd it go out there today? Any, uh Any luck job-hunting? Not really.
Well, there's still an opening down at the station.
Really? Did you hear that, Alex? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What we're looking for is, uh, someone young, someone with new ideas, someone whose name rhymes with "schmalex.
" Uh, Dad, we've been through this before.
It's just not for me.
Okay, okay.
I'm not pushing.
I just thought it'd be fun.
You know, we could carpool together, coffee breaks, lunch.
Buy you a new bike.
Okay, okay, I'm sorry.
Say, uh, I do have something that might pique your interest.
Uh, maybe you'd like to come in the living room with me and watch that new science special I produced.
Oxygen: Everybody's Favorite Gas.
Oxygen isn't my favorite gas, Dad.
Okay, okay.
Come on, Mal.
Me? Yeah.
Don't you want to watch my show? Oh.
Sure.
Yello.
Alex P.
Keaton.
Oh, hi.
Mrs.
Terwilliger.
How are things down at the bank? How's the money? Keeping it warm? Ah.
I see.
Yeah, I see.
Uh, so, uh, so that's That's definite? No job, huh? No Uh, well, th Thank, anyway.
Bye-bye.
Listen, Dad, I've been, uh I've been doing a lot of long, hard thinking since we last spoke.
I've, uh I've weighed the pros and the cons, I've thought about my future.
I tossed in some emotional factors, thought about us working side by side, and I made a decision.
I'd like to work with you down at the station.
You got turned down by the bank, huh? And, uh And then in the fourth grade, Alex won the spelling bee.
That's really exciting, Steven.
What was the winning word? "Foreclosure.
" Ah.
But, uh, enough.
I'm, uh I'm probably boring you about Alex.
Oh, no, no.
Not at all.
No, no.
Well, anyway I just want you to know that Alex won't be receiving any special treatment just because he's He's my son.
Fine, fine.
Sure.
Alex, Alex, come on in.
Come in, sit down, sit down.
Here, here, take my chair, huh? Uh, you remember Doris Bradshaw, Fred Lambert.
Right.
Hi.
Hi, Alex.
Yup, here he is, our new production assistant, Alex P.
Keaton.
Let's hear it for him.
I'm real glad you're here, Alex.
I got some film down in the vault needs to be brought up.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, wait a minute, Fred.
It's his first day.
Take it easy, will you? Give him a chance to get his bearings.
One more outburst like that, Fred Oh, I've learned my lesson.
Okay, okay.
What's on the agenda, Doris? The first order of business is the Menlo project.
As soon as Richard gets here, we can hear his report.
Well, what is the Menlo project, Dad? "What is the Menlo project?" Did you ever see such an inquisitive mind? Alex and I drove in together.
Did I tell you? Three times.
Did you let him beep the horn? The Menlo project is a documentary on an 80-year-old woman who's fighting city hall.
If they vote to build an expressway, her house will be demolished and she'll end up in a home.
And? That's it.
Oh.
Sounds great.
Hi, gang.
Richard, you're two hours late.
What are you talking about? It's 7:30 in the morning.
I'm early.
It's almost 10:00, Richard.
Your watch is broken, again.
Richard, sit down.
Hey, Allie, boy, how you doing? Hey, Richard.
Richard, did you know Alex is at Leland College now? Great, great.
He's a McKinley fellow.
Okay, uh, come on, Richard.
Uh, bring us up to date on the Menlo project.
Oh, Steven, you know, I've done a great deal of work on the Menlo project, and, uh uh What is the Menlo project? The only project you're working on.
The old lady, right? Right.
That's her name, Menlo? Why? Why don't we all go to the projection room and look at all the film we have? I'll show you exactly what I'm looking for, Richard.
Great idea.
Hello.
Well, sure, just a second.
Alex, it's for you.
Oh.
Thanks.
Yeah.
We'll We'll meet you there.
Uh, yeah, okay.
Uh, hello.
Mrs.
Terwilliger.
Yeah, uh Yeah, sure I remember you.
Trade Bank of Ohio.
What? The, uh The guy you hired got pneumonia and had to quit? Wow.
That's That's too bad.
Well Well the The important thing is thatyou'rehealthy.
Uh Me? You, uh You You want me? Yeah, sure, sure, I'm I'm available.
And I'm healthy.
Yeah, all All right, okay, uh Uh, first thing Monday morning.
Yeah, I'll be there.
Thank you, uh, Mrs.
T.
Terwilliger.
All right, Mom and I have just gone through a bunch of books and old fairy tales, and we think we found the perfect name for the baby.
Mm.
What is it? Sneezy Keaton.
Sneezy Keaton? Yeah, and if it's a boy, Dopey.
Thanks anyway.
It's so hard to please you, Dad.
You don't like any names from the fairy tales, and you don't like any names from the classics.
Jennifer, we are not going to name our child Moby Keaton.
All right, back to the old drawing board.
Hey.
Welcome home, coworker.
## WKS, you're the one ## Come on, Alex, sing it.
Uh, I I I don't know all the words, Dad.
Don't have to sing the words.
Just, uh, sing the letters WKS.
## W ## W.
## K ## ## S ## Oh, man, I don't think I've ever enjoyed a day's work as much as I've enjoyed this day with you, Alex.
Oh, same here, Dad.
Hey, I thought we'd go in about, uh, 5:30, you can meet the cleaning staff.
They're gonna love ya.
## WKS ## This is great, Alex.
Dad's happy, and you're out of the house more often, so I'm happy.
Yeah, well, uh, don't get too used to it, Mallory, because the, uh, honeymoon is over.
What do you mean? Mrs.
Terwilliger from the bank called.
Great news.
The guy they hired came down with pneumonia.
How'd you give it to him? I didn't touch him.
It was just dumb luck.
Well, you can't take that job.
You made a commitment to Dad.
That job at the bank is gonna be a great learning experience for me.
I'm gonna be one desk away from the vault.
I'm gonna be able to smell the money from where I'm sitting.
I don't care, Alex.
You made a commitment.
You should stick to it.
Oh, come on, Mallory, don't make such a big deal about this.
I really don't think it matters that much to Dad that I'm working at the station.
Alex, uh I was gonna give you this tomorrow, but I couldn't wait.
Oh.
Uh, "Alex P.
Keaton, Production Assistant.
" It'll look great on your desk.
I don't have a desk.
Just carry it around with you.
Sure.
I got a great idea.
I'm gonna go get the camera and take a picture of you.
With the nameplate.
Hey, you're right, Alex.
It doesn't mean that much to him.
Mallory.
I gotta do the right thing.
You're gonna stick with the job? No.
I'm gonna write him a letter, tell him I quit.
A letter? Isn't that a little cold, Alex? No, no.
It doesn't have to be.
I mean, what could be warmer? A A son writing a letter to his dad.
To whom it may concern Alex.
A little too cold.
Yeah.
Dear Sir.
Hold it, Mr.
Keaton! Alex.
Oh, Dad, sorry.
You're busy.
I can come back.
No, no, come on in.
Don't be silly.
This is one of the advantages of working together.
I get to see you all the time now.
How was school today? Uh, it was It was okay.
What'd you learn? Uh, well, I had a class in, uh, advanced astrophysics.
Fill me in.
Dad, it's It's not exactly the kind of thing that I can explain in In one sitting.
Boy, this is great.
You and I, a couple of coworkers, sitting around chewing the fat.
What's that? Uh, it's the mail.
Mail? Yeah.
It was just delivered when you turned around.
Thanks, Mr.
Dugan! Nice guy.
And fast.
Oh, boss.
I hate to have to hit you with this so close to quitting time.
Richard, it's 2:30.
What's the problem? Oh, look, I can't begin to tell you about this Big trouble, Steve.
That piece on Mrs.
Menlo has to air tomorrow night, and Richard hasn't even started editing it.
What? I got a scoop for you, Steven.
That piece on Mrs.
Menlo has to air tomorrow night, and Richard hasn't even started editing it.
I can come back.
Wait, Richard.
You told me this show was as good as done.
I didn't lie.
It's as good now as it will be when it's done.
Stop making excuses.
All right.
Why don't we all admit it? We're too tired to discuss this now, right? Right.
It's 4:00 in the morning.
Let's take care of it tomorrow.
It is 2:30 in the afternoon, and we have to take care of it now.
Get out of here, Richard.
Okay.
I'm going.
It'll still be called a Rich Grasso production? Get out of here.
Any of the rest of you behind in your projects? No, no, no, sir.
Okay, Fred, get the studio ready, alert the guys in the sound department, call the lab.
Uh, Doris, uh, get the film together, get a Moviola up here, uh, start working on some promos.
Oh.
What's our deadline if we have to air tomorrow night? Six a.
m.
Alex, you You might as well go on home.
I'm gonna be here all night.
What'd you do that for? Uh, well, it was just my way of saying that I would like to stay and help you out.
Okay.
Okay.
You can start by, uh, calling a locksmith.
We don't have a key for those cabinets.
A city.
America's last frontier.
Ah, no, no.
That's That's not right.
Town, country, cit Cit No, no.
Maybe if it rhymed.
Hot town.
Summer in the city.
Back of my neck getting dirty and Nah, that's no good.
Dad.
I found the perfect music to go with what you're writing.
It's It's subtle, it's quiet, it's restrained.
Listen to this against your picture.
Huh? What do you think? It would have been great for the oxygen show, wake people up.
Ah, come on, Alex.
Come on.
What? What is at stake here? What is the single most important thing in the world to people? Money.
Not in that area.
Something, uh Something more emotional.
Jewels.
Look, Alex, this is not about money.
Yeah, yeah, it is about money, Dad.
See, everybody else in this neighborhood did the logical thing.
They went for the payoff.
Mrs.
Menlo is the only one who put up a fight.
All right.
Wait.
Look.
That is the difference, isn't it? It It The difference in her principles.
All right.
Watch this, Alex.
Now, this is Mrs.
Menlo.
What the hell are you doing? You're standing on my daisies, you jerk.
Move it, or you'll be choking on that camera.
Hi.
I'm Rich Grasso, and I'm here with Mrs.
Florence Menlo.
Oh, by the way, Mrs.
Menlo, do you know what time it is? What? Instead of narration, we start with Mrs.
Menlo's voice over the film.
That's good.
I mean, that is good.
You know what you're doing here, Dad.
Why, thank you, Alex.
Ah, it's still not right.
Its It's one-dimensional.
I don't know.
It It needs More sex? More sex? Sorry.
Personal preference.
Oh, I got an idea.
I liked it the way it was.
Well, I liked it too.
But I know I'll like it better when he's done.
Why? What do you mean? He's good.
In fact, he's the best I've ever worked with.
Really? You know, everybody around here has nothing but respect for the work your father does.
Really? Well, we've always liked him.
Yeah.
He likes you too.
Boy, you ought to hear the way he talks about you.
"Alex scored two goals yesterday," or, "Alex just won this award," or, "Alex loaned me 20 bucks.
" He talks about me a lot, huh? Try all the time.
Okay, okay, I think this should do it.
Oh, what have you got, Dad? Some film of the neighborhood when the house was first being built.
Mrs.
Menlo was there in the beginning, she's still there now.
The living history of the neighborhood, the heart and soul of it.
Yeah, but it's 4 a.
m.
now, Steve.
We only got two hours left.
I don't think we're gonna make it.
We'll make it.
We'll make it, Doris.
Thanks.
Well I think we did it.
Yeah, we sure did.
I'm not tired.
Are you? Uh-uh.
Nope.
Nope.
I am not gonna sleep until this show airs tonight.
Okay.
Hey.
Buy you breakfast? No.
No, I'm taking you out for breakfast.
No, as a matter of fact, I'm gonna make you breakfast.
Hey, Dad, what'll it be, uh, Froot Loops or granola? Or we could, uh, mix them together, have Granola Loops.
Uh, what are you reading, Dad? A letter from you.
Uh, don't read that, okay? Here, uh Here, read this.
It says here you can get a free space ring.
Check it out.
I read the letter, Alex.
Uh, you, uh, read the whole thing? Listen, Alex, if you don't want to work at the station anymore, I understand.
No, Dad, you don't understand.
Maybe I pushed this on you.
Maybe I wanted it too much.
Dad, I can explain this letter.
Alex, when I was, uh, 18, my father asked me to work in his dry-cleaning store.
It was the last thing I wanted to do, but I took the job.
I pressed collars and cuffs in 100-degree heat.
To this day, I don't eat pressed duck.
My, uh, dad used to spit on his iron and say, "Someday there'll be a sign out front that says Keaton and Son.
" But, uh he knew.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll I'll probably make my son work for me too.
Force him to be secretary of state.
You know, when I was a little Little kid you'd always go off to work, and And I never really knew or Or understood or even cared what you did.
You know, I had to lie to the other kids.
I I told them you were a cowboy.
Sorry I didn't have a more exciting job.
No, see, that's not the point.
You could've had the most exciting job in the world.
You You could've worked in a bank.
And it wouldn't have mattered to me.
I wouldn't have been able to get excited about my dad's job no matter what.
I remember the first time I brought you down to the station.
You were about, uh, You loved it at first, until you saw the sign, "WKS, a nonprofit corporation.
" And you started to cry.
You You couldn't read, but somehow you sensed what it meant.
Yeah, well, uh I am beginning to see some of the appeal of it now.
You know, you're great at what you do.
And it was, uh It was really something to watch you work.
Well, you weren't so bad yourself.
Hm?
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