Firefly s01e03 Episode Script

- Hyah! - Whoa! Pardon me for intruding but I believe y'all are carrying something of mine.
Ain't yours.
Did you think we wouldn't find out you changed your route? You gonna give us what's due us and every damn thing else on that boat.
And I think maybe you gonna give me a little one-on-one time with the missus.
Oh, I think you might want to reconsider that last part.
See, I married me a powerful ugly creature.
How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new people? If I could make you prettier, I would.
You are not the man I met a year ago.
Now, think real hard.
You been bird-doggin' this township a while now.
They wouldn't mind a corpse of you.
You can luxuriate in a nice jail cell but if your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet I will end you.
Take him.
- Yoo-hoo.
- - In the morning, we'll head for Beaumond.
Give you a chance to find some work of your own.
I appreciate it.
This is lovely, but-- Not your clientele? I understand.
- You gotta play at being a lady.
- Well, yes.
So, explain to me again why Zoe wasn't in the dress.
Tactics, woman.
Needed her in the back.
Besides, those soft cotton dresses feel kinda nice.
There's a whole airflow.
You'd know that because-- You can't open the book of my life and jump in the middle.
Like woman, I'm a mystery.
Oh, best keep it that way.
I withdraw the question.
It makes the rain come when you turn it.
The rain's very scarce.
It comes only when needed most.
And such it is with men like you.
This is the most-- You-- friend.
You're the guy! Elder Gommen, thank you for the hospitality.
We owe you a great debt.
I'm sorry we have so little to pay it with though I hope our gifts will show our regard.
- I don't think Jayne's ever lettin' go of that stick.
Alliance patrol boat heading into atmo right now.
Well, we gotta fly.
We'll pray for a safe voyage and hope to lay eyes on you again ere too long, my friend.
- Count on it.
Bye, now.
- Bless you.
- Bye.
- Bye-bye! - Good-bye! Be well! - Bye, now.
Yaah! - Who the hell are you? - What do you mean? I think I was pretty clear.
What are you doing on my boat? You know I'm to cleave to you.
To "wubba" who? Did Elder Gommen not tell you? Tell me what? Wh-- Who are you? Mr.
Reynolds, sir I'm your wife.
~ Take my love, take my land ~ ~ Take me where I cannot stand ~ ~ I don't care, I'm still free ~ ~ You can't take the sky from me ~ ~ Take me out to the black ~ ~ Tell them I ain't comin'back ~ ~ Burn the land and boil the sea ~ ~ You can't take the sky from me ~ ~ There's no place I can be ~ ~ Since I've found serenity ~ ~ But you can't take the sky from me ~ Could you repeat that, please? I am your wife.
That was your agreement with Elder Gommen since he hadn't cash or livestock-- I-I'm sorry.
Go back to the part where you're my wife.
I don't please you? You can't please me.
You never met me.
Zoe, why do I have a wife? You got a wife? All I got was that dumb-ass stick sounds like it's rainin'.
- How come you got a wife? - I didn't.
- We're not married.
- I'm sorry that I shame you.
You don't shame me.
Zoe, would you get Wash? This is Zoe.
- We need all personnel in the cargo bay.
- "All"? I said Wash.
everyone should have a chance to congratulate you on your day of bliss.
- There's-- There's no bliss.
I don't know this girl.
- Then can I know her? Jayne! Don't sully this.
You are gonna be cleaning latrines with your face if you don't cut that out.
Who's the new recruit? Everybody, I want you all to meet Mrs.
Reynolds.
You got married? Wow, that's, uh-- Congratulations.
We'd always hoped you two kids would get together.
Who is she? She's no one.
- Captain! - Would you stop that? - I'm sorry.
- You brute.
Oh, sweetie, don't feel bad.
He makes everybody cry.
He's like a monster.
I'm not a monster! Wash, turn the ship around.
- Can't.
- It's an order.
- We can't.
- Have you got an encyclopedia? There's already a bulletin on the cortex as to the murder of a prefect's nephew.
That's right.
One of our bandits has family ties.
So unless you feel like walking into a gallows, I suggest we continue on to Beaumond and you, enjoy your honeymoon.
This isn't happening.
Would you stop crying! For God's sake, Mal, could you be a human being for 30 seconds? - As one married man to another-- - I'm not married! I'm sorry.
You-- You have very nice qualities, but I didn't ever marry you.
I believe you did last night.
- How drunk was I last night? - I don't know.
I passed out.
It says here "The woman lays the wreath upon her intended--" which I do recall.
- "Which represents his sovereignty.
- That was you? 'And he drinks of her wine.
And then there's a dance with a joining of hands.
" The marriage ceremony of the Triumph settlers.
You, sir are a newlywed.
What's it say in there about divorce? I really think you're the one to talk to her, sir.
The way I see it, me and her got one thing in common.
We're the only ones who don't think this is funny.
Hello! Woman person.
You all right? I thought last night during the ceremony that you were pleased.
Well, yeah, last night I was.
Had some mulled wine, pretty girl gave me a hat made out of a tree.
Nobody said I was signing up to have and to hold.
Are you gonna kill me? What? What kind of crappy planet is that? Kill you.
In the maiden's home, I heard talk of men who weren't pleased with their brides-- Well, I ain't them.
And don't you ever stand for that sort of thing.
Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill them right back.
Look, wife or no you are no one's property to be tossed aside.
You got the right, same as anyone to live and try to kill people.
I mean, you know, people that are-- That-- That's a dumb planet.
What will you do with me? I'm not really sure.
We're bound for Beaumond.
It's a decent kind of planet.
Might be able to set you up with some sort of work there.
I'll not be anyone's doxy.
I don't mean whoring.
They got factories and the like.
Some ranches, if you're more for the outdoors.
Near a week before we get there.
I'll figure something.
I'd be a good wife.
Yeah, well, I'd be a terrible husband.
You have five whole days to figure that out.
For five days we'll be together? Well, we'll be together on the ship, but not in any-- That'll be fine.
I'll do for you or not, as you choose.
Well, shiny.
Hungry? Kitchen's just through there.
I'll cook you something.
Well, no.
I meant for you.
I'm a fine cook.
Everyone says.
That's-- It's great.
Look, hold it.
Hold.
- I ain't never even-- - My name is Saffron.
Divorce is very rare and requires dispensation from her pastor.
I can send him a wave, see what I can do.
I appreciate that.
She's a nice girl.
- Seems very anxious to please you.
- It's their way, I guess.
I suppose so.
If you take sexual advantage of her you're going to burn in a very special level of hell a level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.
Wh-- I am not-- Preacher, you got a smutty mind.
- Perhaps I spoke out of turn.
- Per-maybe-haps, I'm thinkin'.
I apologize.
I'll make her up a room in the passenger dorm.
Good.
The special hell.
Thank you.
Looks-- Something smells good.
Having yourself a little supper, Captain? Saffron insisted on it.
You know, I didn't want to make her feel-- This is damn tasty.
Is there any more where that came from? I didn't think to make enough for your friends but everything's laid out if you'd like to cook for your husband.
Yeah.
Isn't she quaint? I'm just not hungry.
So are you enjoying your own nubile little slave girl? She wanted to make me dinner.
At least she's not crying.
I might.
Did she really make fresh bao? Quaint! - Remember that sex we were planning to have ever again? - You're all making a big deal.
I would appreciate it if one person on this boat would not assume that I'm an evil, lecherous hump.
Nobody's saying that, sir.
We're pretty much just giving each other significant glances and laughing incessantly.
- Is that cider? - By the stove.
Yum.
I'll get you a refill.
Honey? That's for me to do.
You know, uh, you weren't lyin' about your cookin'.
If I hadn't already eaten-- - You don't want to finish? - No, I just, um-- I have captainy things to do, but truthfully, that's a fine meal.
- Thank you.
- Do you need anything else? No.
No.
Um, you just have something to eat yourself, and, uh and I'm gonna go captain.
If you're done with supper If you're done with supper would you like me to wash your feet? Beaumond.
City of New Dunsmuir.
October 2 4.
- Departure-- - Can I come in? - No.
- See? That's why I usually don't ask.
What do you want? Oh, I just needed to hide.
- So I take it the honeymoon is over? - Oh, she's a fine girl.
Don't misread me.
A hell of a cook too.
I'm sure she has many exciting talents.
Do you ever wash your clients' feet? It's my specialty.
- We'll be on Beaumond at least two weeks, right? - Can't exactly be sure.
I need you to be exactly sure.
I can't make commitments and then not keep them.
That's your specialty.
Sorry.
Are you touchy because I got myself a bride or 'cause I don't plan to keep her? I find the whole thing degrading.
That's just what Saffron said about your line of work.
Maybe you should think twice about letting go of Saffron.
You two sound like a match.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe we're soul mates.
Yes.
Great.
I wish you hundreds of fat children.
Could you imagine that? Me with a whole passel of critters underfoot.
- Hell, in ten years' time-- - Can you leave me alone for five minutes, please? I wasn't lookin' for a fight.
Always do seem to find one, though.
Do I have your attention? Kind of going to extremes here, ain't we? There's times I think you don't take me seriously.
I think that oughta change.
Do you think it's likely to? You got something you don't deserve.
And it's brought me a galaxy of fun, I'm here to tell ya.
Six men came to kill me one time and the best of them carried this.
It's a Callahan full-bore auto lock.
Customized trigger.
Double cartridge thorough gauge.
It is my very favorite gun.
Are you offering me a trade? A trade? Hell, it's theft.
This is the best damn gun made by man.
It has extreme sentimental value.
- It's miles more worthy than what you got.
- What I got? - She has a name.
- So does this.
I call it Vera.
My days of not taking you seriously are certainly comin' to a middle.
- Damn it, Mal.
I'd treat her okay.
- She's not to be bought.
Nor bartered, or borrowed, or lent.
She's a human woman, doesn't know a thing about the world and needs our protection.
- Well, I'll protect her.
-Jayne.
Go play with your rain stick.
You do sneak about, don't you? You're a good man.
You clearly haven't been talkin' to anyone else on this boat.
I don't wish to be wed to the large one.
I'd rather-- If I'm not to be yours I'd rather have the work you spoke of.
I could be useful in a ranch.
It's good work.
My mama had a ranch back on Shadow, where I'm from.
Ran cattle, mostly.
Wasn't nobody ran 'em harder or smarter.
She used to tell me, "Don't brand the cattle.
Brand the buyer.
He's the one likely to stray.
" - She raised you herself? - Well, her and about 40 hands.
I had more family for a kid-- - That is odd.
- What? I just don't-- I'm not one who talks about what's past, and here you got me-- Does your crew never show interest in your life? No.
They are-- They just know me well enough to-- Well, what about you? What's your history? Not much to say.
Life like yours, I figure you'd find mine terrible dull.
Oh, I long for a little dullness.
Truth to say this whole trip's gettin' to be just a little too interesting.
It's a wreck.
- No, this is good.
- It's parts.
A lot of cheap parts we'll never unload.
This is why you'll never be in charge, Bree.
- You don't see the whole.
The parts are crap.
- I said exactly that.
But you put it together, you got a Firefly.
Thing'll run forever, they got a mechanic even half awake.
It's got no flash.
Some people ain't lookin' for flash.
She's a good catch.
She comes our way, you prep the nets.
Clearly, she's out of her mind.
Really? She's led a sheltered life.
Did you see the way she grabbed that glass from you? Every planet has its own weird customs.
About a year before we met, I spent six weeks on a moon where the principle form of recreation was juggling geese.
My hand to God.
Baby geese.
Goslings.
They were juggled.
Of course.
The man rushes in to defend her.
I'm talking about geese.
Captain shouldn't be baby-sitting a damn groupie, and he knows it.
Okay, when did this become not funny? When you didn't put her ass back down on Triumph.
Oh, hey! Now it's even my fault? Is there anything else on your mind I should know about? - There's all sorts of twists and cul-de-sacs.
It's wild.
- She's trouble.
I'm getting that.
I'm going to bed.
Hey! Well,you're, uh uh, well there you are.
I've made the bed warm for you.
It-- It looks, uh warm.
And I've made myself ready for you.
Let's ride right past the part where you explain exactly what that means.
Didn't you see you got a room of your own? And I'm to sleep there? That's the notion assuming you're--yeah-- sleepy.
But we've been wed.
Aren't we to become one flesh? Well, no.
Uh, we're still two fleshes here and I think that your flesh oughta sleep somewhere else.
I'm sorry.
When we talked, I'd hoped-- Whoa, hey.
Flesh.
Um Saffron i-it-- it ain't a question of pleasing me.
It's more a question of what's-- um, of what's morally right.
I do know my Bible, sir.
"On the night of their betrothal "the wife shall open to the man as the furrow to the plow "and he shall work in her "in and again "till she bring him to his full and rest him then upon the sweat of her breast.
" Oh.
Good Bible.
I'm not skilled, sir, nor a pleasure to look upon.
Saffron.
You're pleasing.
You're, uh-- Hell, you're all kinds of pleasin' and, uh, it's-- it's been a while-- a long damn while-- since anybody but me took ahold of my plow so don't think for a second that I ain't interested.
But you and me, we ain't married.
Just 'cause you got handed to me by some who couldn't pay off his debts don't make you beholden to me.
- I keep trying to explain.
- Let me explain.
I lived my life in the maiden house waiting to be married off for trade.
I seen my sisteren paired off with ugly men vicious or blubberous men with appetites too unseemly to speak on.
And I've cried for those girls.
But not half so hard as I cried the night they gave me to you.
Why? Is there blubber? I cried for I'd not dreamed to have a man so sweet so kind and beautiful.
Had I the dare to choose, I'd choose you from all the men on all the planets the night sky could show me.
If I'm wed I am a woman and I'll take your leave to be bold.
I want this.
I swell to think of you in me.
And I see that you do too.
Oh, th-that's just, uh-- Leave me at the nearest port.
Never look upon me again.
I'll make my way with the strength that you've taught me.
Only let me have my wedding night.
Oh, I'm gonna go to the special hell.
I've-- I really wish it was that simple, girl, but-- Son of a-- Night, sweetie.
Well, if it isn't the master chef.
Not sleepy? - Am I allowed to be up here? - Well, sure.
Why not? It's not like anyone else is taking up space.
I've never been off-world before.
- It's beautiful, isn't it? - It's like a dream.
Planet I'm from, couldn't see one of 'em, pollution so thick.
Sometimes I think I entered flight school just to see what the hell everyone was talking about.
What are you doing? Now we're alone, just us and the stars.
No ship, no bellowing engines no crew to bicker at each other.
Look.
Come look.
Do you know the myth of Earth that was? Not so much.
That when she was born, she had no sky and was open, inviting.
And the stars would rush into her - through the skin of her-- - Yeah.
making the oceans boil with sensation.
And when she could endure no more ecstasy she puffed up her cheeks and blew out the sky.
Whoa.
Good myth.
My whole life, I saw nothing but roofs and steeples and the cellar door.
In a few days, I'll be back to that life and gone from yours.
Make this night what it should be.
Please? Show me the stars.
I wish I was somebody else right now.
Somebody not married, not madly in love with a beautiful woman who can kill me with her pinky.
- I've been too forward.
- No! Well, yes.
But I actually like that in a woman.
That's part of why Zoe and I are, as previously mentioned, married.
I thought-- She didn't seem to respect you.
Not everybody gets me and Zoe at first glance.
Did it get very hot in here? I need airflow.
You love her very much.
Yeah.
I never did meet anyone quite like Zoe.
The, uh, the first time we met, she actually-- Are you lost? I'm sorry.
I thought the other shuttle was yours.
It is.
I was on the cortex and my screen shorted.
This one's out too.
- Looking for customers? - What were you looking for? I don't mean to be rude.
A Companion's life is so glamorous and strange.
I wish I had the skill for such a trade.
You'd like to please your new husband? He'll have none of me.
For true, I'm somewhat relieved.
If I'm to learn of love I'd like it to be at the hands of someone gentle.
Someone who could feel what I feel.
But Mal said you-- you don't approve of my work.
Sure, and he said that to keep you from me.
I was too curious about you ever since I saw you.
Come to my shuttle.
You would-- you would lie with me? I guess we've lied enough.
- You're good.
- You're amazing.
Who are you? Malcolm Reynolds's widow.
Baby? Wake up.
- He's bleeding.
- There's no one in there.
What's going on? Mal! Mal, Mal, Mal, Mal, Mal! Get the doctor.
Mal's hurt.
He-- Oh.
Oh, you stupid son of a-- Is it Christmas? Well, he's back.
What happened about me? Your blushing bride was a plant.
She took both of you out.
- How did-- - Narcotic compound.
Probably spread over a seal on her lips.
You get it on yours, and pow.
- Lips, huh? - Well-- We used to get a lot of guys brought in on the night shift at the E.
R.
usually robbed, very groggy.
- They called it the good-night kiss.
- So you two were kissin'? Well, isn't that special.
- Wash, how did-- - Hey, I just got kicked in the head.
My man would never fall for that .
- Most of my head wishes I had.
- You guys don't understand.
Seems pretty simple from here.
You were taking advantage ofher-- - I was the one being taken advantage of.
- My apologies.
You were victimized, Wash was beaten and Inara found you here.
Yeah, then I fell.
My head got hurt, like Wash.
- I don't get any of this.
- I only fell, is all.
- What the hell's our status? - We're shut down.
Jayne and Kaylee are trying to get us on the bridge.
All we know is we're headed somewhere, and it ain't Beaumond.
Oh, I'm fine.
I don't need to be examined.
I'm comfy.
She didn't just lock it.
She fused it to something.
Both entrances.
- What was she after? - Besides molesting innocent captains? You want to stow it, Preacher? We're in some peril here.
- If she can fly this thing, why just take the shuttle? - Maybe she likes shuttles.
Some people juggle geese.
- She's a pro.
- This is a masterful job of muck up.
- See how she crossed the dry feeds? - Yeah-huh.
So we even try to reroute, it'll lock down.
- She went straight for the thermal cap.
- Yeah, yeah! We are so hung.
I'm glad you two are having a good time under there.
Can we progress to the making it right? - That's not gonna happen for a long while, Captain.
- We don't have a long while.
We could be headed straight into a nice, big, solid moon, for all we know so how's about we get to work? Hey.
It was your big make-out session that got us into this, sir.
- I was poisoned.
- You were drugged.
That's why I never kiss 'em on the mouth.
Well, what can you do? Give us time, we can get the cortex and navcon back on-line, at least see where we're headed.
- What about steering? - What about stopping? She humped us hard.
We're gonna have to do a lot-- Do it.
Doesn't help me to see where I'm goin' if I can't change course.
This girl really knows her ships.
That's not all she knows.
She's well-schooled.
You mean the sedative, the good-night kiss? I only hit my head, but Mal went through that.
But no-- I mean, seduction, body language, signals.
She's had training, as in Companion as in academy.
Our little Saffron's quite a wonder.
I'm beginning to think she married beneath herself.
How do you know? About the training.
She tried to seduce me too.
Really? Did she-- Did you-- You don't play a player.
It was sloppy of her to try it, but I think she was in a rush.
But she had professional-- So in my case, I mean, it was really-- You would have kissed her too.
- Wash didn't.
- But she was naked and all articulate.
Okay! Everybody not talking about sex, in here.
Everybody else, elsewhere.
They're coming! - How far out? - Ten minutes or so.
Right on target.
A-1 .
- Huh.
That girl's a wonder.
- She gets it done.
I'll tell the boys.
Yes! You got it? We got life, we got screens.
It's a qualified yes, a partial.
- What about nav control? - No.
So where are we headed? The coordinates she entered, we're headed for something, and it's not too far.
Did she signal anybody? She did.
Same coordinates, no I.
D.
Huh.
Who's out there? Let me see ifher signal wave can translate to a visual.
There might be-- Hey, uh-- Electromagnetic interference.
It's bouncing the signal all over the place.
Look at it.
It's like a circle.
It's a net.
I don't get it.
Where are we headed? The end of the line.
It's a carrion house.
Scrap shop.
Takes ships, pulls them apart or fixes them up.
-Doesn't sound that scary.
-That pattern you're looking at is a net.
We fall into that, we're more than helpless.
It'll turn the ship into one big electrical conduit, burn us all from the inside out.
Some of the newer ones will just hold you and then the scrappers will override the air locks pull the O2 or just gas you.
They're not looking to deal with survivors.
One day you're gonna tell us all how a preacher knows so much about crime.
- Kaylee? - I'm trying, sir.
Keep on it.
We can't fall into that net.
We're gonna need a Plan "B.
" Zoe, get our suits prepped now.
I figure we got one shot at this.
- Give me a visual as soon as we're close.
- It won't be long.
What do I do? You go get Vera.
She needs oxygen around her to fire her, and we don't have a case.
- We're gonna use a suit.
- Here, we got it.
What am I aimin' for, the window? That might kill some folk, but it won't short the net.
See these six points where it's brightest? Those are the breakers.
Hit one of those, should short it out.
What do you mean, "should"? You see it? Clear as day.
See, Vera? Dress yourself up, you get taken out somewhere fun.
We got it.
It's not pretty but we can steer enough to turn the hell around.
- Nice work, Kaylee.
- Not soon enough to help.
Hey, it's a lot easier to pull things apart than it is to put 'em right.
You're still the best mechanic floatin'.
- Captain, don't you know kissing girls makes you sleepy? - Sometimes I can't help myself.
Now, let's go visiting.
Honey, I'm home.
Looks like you get that wedding night after all.
It's the first time, darlin'.
- I think you should be gentle with me.
- You gonna kill me? Can you conjure up a terribly compelling reason for me not to? I didn't kill you.
You handed me and my crew over to those that would kill us.
That buys you nothing.
I made you dinner.
Why the act? All the seduction games, the dancing about folk.
There has to be an easier way to steal.
You're assuming the payoff is the point.
- I'm not assuming anything at this juncture.
- How'd you find me? Only a few places that shuttle would make it to from where you left.
Happy to find it intact.
You're quite a man, Malcolm Reynolds.
I've been waiting a long time for someone good enough to take me down.
Saffron you even think about playing me again I will riddle you with holes.
Everybody plays each other.
That's all anybody ever does.
We play parts.
You got all kinds of learnin', and you made me look the fool without tryin' and yet here I am with a gun to your head.
That's 'cause I got people with me, people who trust each other who do for each other and ain't always lookin' for the advantage.
Promise me you're gonna kill me soon.
Oh, you already know I ain't gonna.
You know, you did pretty well.
Most men, they're on me inside of ten minutes not tryin' to teach me to be strong and the like.
I got one question for ya just one thing I'd like to know straight up.
Ask me.
What's your real name? You'd only have lied anyhow.
Come in.
Back on course.
Be on Beaumond a day or two late.
Hope it's all right.
It should be fine, thank you.
And does the vixen live? Yeah, if you can call it that.
All's well, I suppose.
Yes.
You're a very graceful woman, Inara.
I-- Thank you.
So here's where I'm fuzzy.
You got by that girl, came and found me and somehow you happened to just trip and fall.
- What do you mean? - Come on, Inara.
How's about we don't play? You didn't just trip, did you? No.
Well, isn't that something? I knew you let her kiss you.
Grr! Arrgh!