Flight of the Conchords s01e01 Episode Script
Sally
Man, back in New Zealand, I was getting it on with lots of chicks.
- Who? - Well, uh Sarah Fitzpatrick, uh, Michelle Fitzpatrick, Claire Fitzpatrick the list goes on.
- That was all of them? - Well, triple figures.
No that's not triple figures, that's three.
Here though, I I don't seem to get with any women, I just talk about getting with women.
Yeah, but the ones you talk about are hot.
They're a lot hotter than the ones you got with in New Zealand.
That's true.
I do talk about getting with some pretty hot women.
You don't just talk about it, man, you talk about it a lot.
Yeah, I suppose I do talk a lot about getting with some very hot women.
- This should be it.
- Yeah, this is it.
This is Dave's place.
- Yeah it's Dave's party.
- Oh, right.
We didn't need a map.
We just live down there.
Hey, Dave.
This is an awesome party, man.
- Yeah.
Great decorations.
- Mm-hmm.
How's it going? Yeah, it's good, but look, guys, I don't want to be a dick but could you guys, like, move away? I'm trying to look Ionely.
Lonely? What for? Chicks are attracted to Ionely guys.
It's a psychological analogy.
And what about Eugene? He knows what he's doing.
Well, you just look like you're waiting.
You look good, but you look like you're waiting.
Guys, go have a samosa.
Have you tried the gulab jamuns? They're off the hook.
What I was trying to say before is that after six or seven weeks girls find me boring.
- Mmm.
- But I'm not sure what happens, because I mean that's about how long it takes to get to know someone.
Mmm.
Can you move away, please? Sure.
How long for? Okay.
# Yeah-ah-ha # # Looking 'round the room # # I can tell that you # # Are the most beautiful girl in the # # Room # # In the whole wide room # # Ooh # # And when you're on the street # # Depending on the street # # I bet you are definitely # # In the top three # # Good-Iooking girls on the street # # Depending on the street # # And when I saw you # # At my mate's place # # I thought, "What is she doing # # At my mate's place? # # How did Dave get a hottie like that # # To a party like his?" # # Good one, Dave # # Ooh, you're a legend, Dave # # I ask Dave if he's gonna make a move on you # # He's not sure, I said # # "Dave do you mind if I do?" # # He says he doesn't mind # # But I can tell he kind of minds # # But I'm gonna do it anyway # # I see you standing all alone # # By the stereo # # I dim the lights down to very low, here we go # - # You're so beautiful # - # Beautiful # # You could be a waitress # - # You're so beautiful # - # Beautiful # # You could be an air hostess in the '60s # # You're so beautiful # # You could be a part-time model # # And then I seal the deal # # I do my moves, I do my dance moves # # It's 12:02 # # Just me and you # # And seven other dudes # # Around you on the dance floor # # I draw you near, let's get out of here # # Let's get in a cab # # I'll buy you a kebab # # And I can't believe # # That I'm sharing a kebab with the most beautiful girl # # I have ever seen with a kebab # # Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh # # Why don't we leave? # # Let's go to my house # # We could feel each other up on my couch # # Oh no, I don't mind # # Taking it slo-o-ow # # No-oh-oh, yeah # # 'Cause you're so beautiful # # Like a tree # - # Or a high-class prostitute # - # You're so beautiful # # Mmm, you could be a part-time model # # But you probably still have to keep your normal job # # A part-time model # # Spending part of your time modeling # # And part of your time # # Next to meeee # # Hee-hee hee-hee hee-hee # # My place is usually a little tidier than this.
# - Hey guys.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Hey, Bret.
That's just Bret.
Turn the light off, Bret.
No no no.
It's okay.
Leave it on.
Um, I should probably go.
Are you sure? So on or off with the light then? Yeah, um I'll call you.
Okay.
Okay.
What happened there? Did I do something wrong? - I don't know, I couldn't really see.
- I did all my moves.
I walked on the outside of her.
I bought her a kebab.
I paid for half the taxi.
Should I have paid for the whole taxi? Should I have paid for the whole taxi? - Hmm? - Bret? - Bret? - Did you did you walk on the outside of her? - Yes.
- I don't know then.
I'm going to sleep.
Hey, Bret, I think I know where I went wrong.
Hmm? I think I know where I went wrong last night.
Yeah? Yeah, Sally wanted to leave when you turned the light on.
I think she found it weird the whole thing with you there with the with the light on.
Yeah, I think it might also be because she and I used to go out.
Yeah.
It's 'cause you and her used to go out, but also because of the thing with the light.
She's thinking, "Oh this is a nice situation.
" But then, "Ugh, who who turned on the light?" Yeah.
Yeah, maybe.
But I think it's mainly because her and I used to go out for, like, six months.
Yeah, well yeah, it's mainly because you used to go out, but also mainly because of the whole situation with the light.
Yeah, but the last thing you want to see when you're hooking up is your ex in the same room.
Yeah, and you also don't want to be startled by a light, do you? Hmm.
May I interject? - Hmm? - What do you think of this? It's good.
I'm getting them for the building.
- Right.
- I just think she found it off-putting.
Do you want to give it a shot? - All right.
- Just a It doesn't work.
Okay, guys, band meeting.
Bret? - Yep? - Jemaine? - Jemaine? - Well, yeah, obviously.
Here? Well, you're here? I'm here, so why do I have to say that I'm here? It's just so I've got it all written down, you know.
Yeah, but I'm here, so if you can see me here Murray, present.
See? Even if I do it.
It's just how we do it.
So how was, uh, Dave's party? - Oh it was good.
- Mmm, it wasn't that good.
You're both aware I wasn't invited? No.
Jemaine, did you know? You did know? - Yeah.
- You know, eh? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Thanks.
"Jemaine knew.
" Item one: Fan base; Ways to increase the American fan base.
What fan base? - The fan base of the band.
- You mean Mel? That's not a fan base, that's just a woman.
Yeah, but I'm calling it a fan base from now on.
It's just easier when I call, because if you say, "Oh, the fan will be there," they can tell there's only one person.
I'm trying to make it look bigger.
It's a base put "base" on the end of it, okay? - That sounds good.
- It sounds better.
- I came up with that.
- Do we have any gigs, Murray? Yeah, I'm getting to that.
I've got a lot on my plate, Jemaine.
I'm not just a band manager.
- Murray? - Yeah.
Uh, I wanted you to okay the new subway poster.
Oh wow, Greg.
What about another exclamation mark? I don't think that's necessary.
Not necessary, no.
That's good.
What happened with the gig at the Aquarium? It was kind of a misunderstanding.
Um, there was a typo in the ad.
It was sand they wanted.
Sand, you know, It looks like a "B," but it was an "S.
" But I sent the demo.
So the good news is that, uh they liked it.
They might play it in the lobby.
- Okay, that's positive.
- Item two that's it.
Have you guys got any ideas? - Uh, music video.
- Oh, a nice one, Bret.
I was just going to say the same one.
Okay, nice one, Jemaine and Bret.
I can take Friday afternoon off, no worries.
- Don't we need more money for - Helen? Hey it's, uh, it's Murray Hewitt.
Yeah.
Good.
Can I get Friday afternoon off? Right.
All right, thanks.
Yep.
How does Saturday morning sound? Oh, hey guys.
- Hey, Mel.
- Hey, Mel.
Hey, whoa.
Crazy meeting you here, huh? What, outside our house? Yeah! Bret! You're so funny.
I love your sense of humor.
What are you doing down Mr.
Lee's stairwell? Jogging.
Hey, where were you guys on Tuesday? I went to your gig.
I was at the Aquarium for hours just waiting.
They wouldn't let me stay after 1:00 a.
m.
, but, um - what time did you guys play? - It was canceled.
Oh, that sucks! That's bullshit! Well, the fish were beautiful.
They were breeding it's mating season and I I saw fish make love.
- I don't think we want to hear that.
- No, it's really interesting.
Actually, you know quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners We have to go now, Mel.
Where? - Um - Home.
That's right.
Yeah yeah.
You you just came from home.
Yeah, we're just popping out for a second and then, um, that's all we were going to do just get some air.
- Mmm.
- Oh.
We always have such a fun time when we're hanging out together.
Awesome.
It's a good cake, man.
It doesn't make any difference Isabella.
- I don't want cake - It's top quality.
- Get out.
I don't want your cake! - 20 bucks.
Give me the TV.
What an idiot, trying to sell me a cake.
- It was a beautiful cake.
- Yeah, it was.
So did you guys have fun at the party? - Oh, amazing fun.
- It was okay.
I'm sorry I couldn't make it, Dave.
But I, uh, wasn't invited.
Oh, that's okay.
Hey, Jemaine, how'd it go with Sally? Yeah, pretty good.
- I, uh - Yeah? Not that well.
You and her used to go out before, didn't you? No, that was me.
She went out with me.
Oh.
Oh! Hey, Jemaine, I don't know how they do things back in England New Zealand.
Yeah, whatever.
I don't really give a shit.
But the point is, going out with your best friend's ex-girlfriend while you still live with your best friend, that kind of thing would be considered a little weird here in the U.
S.
Actually it'd be quite weird in New Zealand as well.
Jemaine, you should think about that.
I've told you when you're in a band, you don't get with your bandmate's girlfriend, past or present.
- Yes, thanks for that.
- You get a love triangle.
You know? Fleetwood Mac situation.
Well, there was four of them so more of a love square, but, you know, no one gets on.
Okay, I see.
Mind you, they did make some of their best music back then.
- "Rumors.
" - No, that's all true.
Well, the thing is Bret's cool with it.
- I'm not that cool with it.
- If Bret's cool with it, that's fine.
Have you got any video cameras, David? - Sure, what's your budget? - Budget? You mean you need to bring in a budget? Like, how much do you want to spend? Do you want a printed-out budget? No, I want to know how much money you want to spend I haven't worked it all out.
We haven't got much money.
And action! I don't think that's a proper camera, Murray.
- Yeah, a mobile-phone camera.
- I think it's mostly a phone.
It's not what they'd use on a music video though.
It's what's we're using, isn't it? It's all I've got.
It's taking good footage.
- You look good.
- Is it? - Yeah.
- Okay.
What are these supposed to be? Those are your function buttons for the robot.
- They look like nipples.
- Don't touch them! I spent ages making these, guys.
It looks good.
Now let's just start again.
That's all I had.
It doesn't look like Daft Punk.
We wanted ones like Daft Punk.
I don't know who he is.
You're just robots from the future, all right? Try not to walk so funky, Bret, because you're try and make it less cool.
More like you know, electronic hide your neck.
Put your that's right.
Okay.
# The distant future, the distant future # # It is the distant future, the year 2000 # # We are robots # # The world is very different # # Ever since the robotic uprising # # of the mid-'90s # # There is no more unhappiness # # Affirmative # # We no longer say "yes" # # Instead we say "affirmative" # # Yes, affirmative # # Unless it's a more colloquial situation # # With a few robo-friends # # There is only one kind of dance # # The robot # # And the robo-boogie # # Oh yes # # Two kinds of dances # # Finally, robotic beings rule the world # # The humans are dead # # The humans are dead # # We used poisonous gases # # And we poisoned their asses # - # The humans are dead # - # He's right they are dead # - # The humans are dead # - # They look like they're dead # - # It had to be done # - # I'll just confirm they're dead # # So that we could have fun # # Affirmative, I poked one, it was dead.
# It's just that I think she might be the one.
- Sally? - Yeah.
What makes you think that? You just know.
When it happens to you, you'll know.
- You said Michelle was the one.
- Yeah, she's the one.
- You said Claire was the one.
- Yeah, she's another one.
So you get more than one "one"? Some people are lucky.
I've had a few ones.
So how many ones can you have? Five.
- How many have you had? - Three.
How many have you had? Just one.
Just one.
Yep, okay.
Okay, well, I'll see you later then.
Okay, bye.
Hey, um, Bret? Do you think it would be okay if Sally and I had the apartment to ourselves tonight? - What for? - Some time alone.
Mmm, I was going to be working on my secret project.
Your helmet that looks like your hair? - Yes.
- How's that going? It's going pretty good.
I still need to get more body in the hair.
- It pretty much looks like a helmet.
- Right.
Well, could you do that tomorrow night? It's helmet-hair night, man, not really.
I mean, I've been thinking about it for ages.
It's on the board.
You know about it.
You said you were going to help actually.
Because I can't really see what I'm doing when I've got it on.
There's nothing booked on any other night.
- Why don't you - It's just Could you swap it for Tuesday night or - the other nights? - Well how about you just maybe don't go out with Sally so I can hang out with you guys? That'd be good.
What are you talking about? I can't hang out with you guys, can I? It's a bit weird now.
Of course you can hang out with us.
Come to dinner with us tonight.
I don't want to go on a date with you and my ex-girlfriend.
It's going to be that's going to be weird.
- It won't be weird.
- That is going to be weird, man.
It won't be weird, we're all friends.
I like Sally.
You like Sally.
She used to like you.
She really likes me.
- You like me.
- I suppose I do.
It won't be weird.
- No, it's going to be weird.
- It won't be weird.
- That is going to be weird.
- It won't be weird.
- It will be weird.
- It won't be weird.
- It will be weird.
- It won't be weird.
You know, it is actually a bit weird with you here, Bret.
Yeah, I should go.
I'll go.
It's fine, it's fine.
Bret Bret was saying that it was going to be weird with him here and I I said it wouldn't be weird, but it is a bit weird.
Oh.
- Eh? - Yeah, it is a bit.
Um, it was nice to see you, Sally.
- You look beautiful.
- Bret, this is my date.
It's just feelings.
You do look beautiful, I was just about to say that.
- I think I'll probably go.
- No, stay.
Actually it's just like when Bret and I went out - and you were always around.
- I've ordered my main, I'll stay.
- I think you should go.
- Yeah, I should go.
It's a bit weird.
Um I wouldn't have ordered the duck.
I spent all my money on the duck.
Would you be able to bring the duck home? - Yeah, yep.
- Okay.
Yeah, I'll go and nice to see you.
- Bye, Bret.
- See you.
- Yeah, bye, Bret.
- You'll bring the duck? Yeah, I'll bring the duck.
- That was weird, wasn't it? - Yeah, a little.
- Hi, Bret.
Are you okay? - Oh, hey, Mel.
- Jemaine's on a date with Sally, right? - Yeah.
How does that make you feel? Not good.
Bret, don't worry about Sally.
I never thought she was right for you anyway.
What didn't you like about Sally? Well, I haven't actually met Sally.
I just sometimes I think the thing you're looking for is often standing right in front of your eyes.
What are you going to do tonight? Uh, I'm not sure.
Mel, can we go now? We've been here for 21/2 hours.
- Is that Doug? - That's Doug.
Don't worry about him.
Just 'cause I'm married to Doug doesn't mean I can't be here for you.
- Thanks, Mel.
- You can tell me anything.
Anything.
I promise I won't think you're a pervert.
Okay.
Thanks.
Have I shown you my picture of Jemaine's lips? - No.
- I have it here in my wallet.
Look.
Those are my cousins, and there that's that's Jemaine's lips.
- Oh yeah, that's them.
- Mel, we really have to go now.
We said we'd call your mom and she'll go to bed soon.
You should go.
I'm fine.
I'll be fine.
- Good seeing you, Bret.
- See you, Doug.
- See you see you, Mel.
- Yeah.
Bret, don't worry about Sally, all right? Whenever I was watching the two of you it was obvious that you were more into her than she was into you.
- Really? - Yeah, you could really tell.
She always looked kind of bored.
Oh.
Thanks, Mel.
Hey.
- Take care.
- See you.
I was thinking maybe we could go somewhere special this weekend.
What was that place you went to with Bret that sounded romantic and and cheap? I'm not sure.
I'm I'm quite busy at the moment.
You know what? I've left duck juice all down your top.
- I don't think we should go out again.
- It's really oily.
You're probably going to need to get that dry-cleaned.
- Bret should pay for it really.
- Don't worry about my top.
Okay, that's good.
I don't think we should see each other again.
I think it's best if we just pretend this never happened.
- Maybe we could have a break? - A break? No, there's there's no relationship.
Yet.
We could start with a break.
It's not it's not going to work.
I'm usually more charismatic than this.
No, um, it's not that.
It's just that I don't know, I was just looking for a bit of fun this summer, you know? And when I met you at that party, I was drunk.
- I was really drunk.
- So, you're leaving, aren't you? You looked kind of cute when I was drunk.
I knew it.
When you said just then when you told me you were leaving, that's when I definitely knew.
Maybe what I really want is an Australian.
But if you're trying to break my heart Maybe you guys know some your plan is flawed from the start.
I already broke up with Bret, so I already broke up with you You can't break my heart, it's liquid.
It melted when I met you.
If you think about it, we're not really breaking up now - Mmm, hmmm.
because we never really went out.
- And as you turn around to leave - Jemaine? don't turn back to me.
Don't turn around and see if I'm crying I'm not crying.
# I'm not crying # # It's just been raining # # On my face # # And if you think you see some tear tracks down my cheeks # # Please # # Please # # Don't tell my mates # # I'm not crying # # No, I'm not crying # # And if I am crying # # It's not because of you # # It's because I'm thinking about friend of mine # # That you don't know who is dying # # That's right, dying # # These aren't tears of sadness # # Because you're leaving me # # I've just been cutting onions # # I'm making a lasagna # # For one # # Oh, I'm not crying # # No # # There's just a little bit of dust in my eye # # Dust from the path that you made # # When you said your goodbye # # I'm not weeping because you won't be here to hold my hand # # For your information # # There's an inflammation in my tear gland # # I'm not upset because you left me this way # # My eyes are just a little sweaty today # # They've been looking around a lot # # Searching for you # # They've been looking for you # # Even though I told them not to # # These aren't tears of sadness # # They're tears of joy # # I'm just laughing # - # Ha # - # Ha # - # Ha # - # Ha # # Ha # # I'm sitting at this table called love # # Staring down at the irony of life # # How come we've reached this fork in the road # # And yet it cuts like a knife? # # I'm not crying # # I'm not cry-y-y-y-y-y-y-ing # - # Yeah # - # No.
# Me and Sally had to break up.
- Really? - Yeah.
It wasn't working.
I can see why you broke with her.
She was hard work.
Oh no, she broke up with me.
Yeah.
She broke up with me too.
That's what I mean it was hard work staying together with her - wanting to break up all the time.
- Oh, okay.
Didn't you break up and then get back together for a while? Mm, yeah.
Well, for like, six or seven weeks.
And then, you know boring.
How did you do that? - Do what? - Get back together.
Oh, it just happened.
Mmm, where? Um, at her place.
I cooked dinner, you know.
Mmm.
What did you cook? Are you trying to get back together with Sally? No.
Just making chitchat.
Oh, okay.
Macaroni.
Yeah.
# Can't we just talk to the humans? # # A little understanding could make things better # # Can't we talk to the humans and work together now? # - # No, because they are dead # - # Binary solo # # 0000001 # # 00000011 # # 000000111 # - # 0000001111 # - # Oh # - # 0000001 # - # Oh oh # - # 00000011 # - # Oh oh # - # 000000111 # - # Come on, sucker # - # Lick my battery # - # Boogie # - # Boogie # - # Robo-boogie # # Boogie, robo-boogie # # The humans are dead # # Once again without emotion # # The humans are # # Dead-dead-dead-dead-dead #
- Who? - Well, uh Sarah Fitzpatrick, uh, Michelle Fitzpatrick, Claire Fitzpatrick the list goes on.
- That was all of them? - Well, triple figures.
No that's not triple figures, that's three.
Here though, I I don't seem to get with any women, I just talk about getting with women.
Yeah, but the ones you talk about are hot.
They're a lot hotter than the ones you got with in New Zealand.
That's true.
I do talk about getting with some pretty hot women.
You don't just talk about it, man, you talk about it a lot.
Yeah, I suppose I do talk a lot about getting with some very hot women.
- This should be it.
- Yeah, this is it.
This is Dave's place.
- Yeah it's Dave's party.
- Oh, right.
We didn't need a map.
We just live down there.
Hey, Dave.
This is an awesome party, man.
- Yeah.
Great decorations.
- Mm-hmm.
How's it going? Yeah, it's good, but look, guys, I don't want to be a dick but could you guys, like, move away? I'm trying to look Ionely.
Lonely? What for? Chicks are attracted to Ionely guys.
It's a psychological analogy.
And what about Eugene? He knows what he's doing.
Well, you just look like you're waiting.
You look good, but you look like you're waiting.
Guys, go have a samosa.
Have you tried the gulab jamuns? They're off the hook.
What I was trying to say before is that after six or seven weeks girls find me boring.
- Mmm.
- But I'm not sure what happens, because I mean that's about how long it takes to get to know someone.
Mmm.
Can you move away, please? Sure.
How long for? Okay.
# Yeah-ah-ha # # Looking 'round the room # # I can tell that you # # Are the most beautiful girl in the # # Room # # In the whole wide room # # Ooh # # And when you're on the street # # Depending on the street # # I bet you are definitely # # In the top three # # Good-Iooking girls on the street # # Depending on the street # # And when I saw you # # At my mate's place # # I thought, "What is she doing # # At my mate's place? # # How did Dave get a hottie like that # # To a party like his?" # # Good one, Dave # # Ooh, you're a legend, Dave # # I ask Dave if he's gonna make a move on you # # He's not sure, I said # # "Dave do you mind if I do?" # # He says he doesn't mind # # But I can tell he kind of minds # # But I'm gonna do it anyway # # I see you standing all alone # # By the stereo # # I dim the lights down to very low, here we go # - # You're so beautiful # - # Beautiful # # You could be a waitress # - # You're so beautiful # - # Beautiful # # You could be an air hostess in the '60s # # You're so beautiful # # You could be a part-time model # # And then I seal the deal # # I do my moves, I do my dance moves # # It's 12:02 # # Just me and you # # And seven other dudes # # Around you on the dance floor # # I draw you near, let's get out of here # # Let's get in a cab # # I'll buy you a kebab # # And I can't believe # # That I'm sharing a kebab with the most beautiful girl # # I have ever seen with a kebab # # Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh # # Why don't we leave? # # Let's go to my house # # We could feel each other up on my couch # # Oh no, I don't mind # # Taking it slo-o-ow # # No-oh-oh, yeah # # 'Cause you're so beautiful # # Like a tree # - # Or a high-class prostitute # - # You're so beautiful # # Mmm, you could be a part-time model # # But you probably still have to keep your normal job # # A part-time model # # Spending part of your time modeling # # And part of your time # # Next to meeee # # Hee-hee hee-hee hee-hee # # My place is usually a little tidier than this.
# - Hey guys.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Hey, Bret.
That's just Bret.
Turn the light off, Bret.
No no no.
It's okay.
Leave it on.
Um, I should probably go.
Are you sure? So on or off with the light then? Yeah, um I'll call you.
Okay.
Okay.
What happened there? Did I do something wrong? - I don't know, I couldn't really see.
- I did all my moves.
I walked on the outside of her.
I bought her a kebab.
I paid for half the taxi.
Should I have paid for the whole taxi? Should I have paid for the whole taxi? - Hmm? - Bret? - Bret? - Did you did you walk on the outside of her? - Yes.
- I don't know then.
I'm going to sleep.
Hey, Bret, I think I know where I went wrong.
Hmm? I think I know where I went wrong last night.
Yeah? Yeah, Sally wanted to leave when you turned the light on.
I think she found it weird the whole thing with you there with the with the light on.
Yeah, I think it might also be because she and I used to go out.
Yeah.
It's 'cause you and her used to go out, but also because of the thing with the light.
She's thinking, "Oh this is a nice situation.
" But then, "Ugh, who who turned on the light?" Yeah.
Yeah, maybe.
But I think it's mainly because her and I used to go out for, like, six months.
Yeah, well yeah, it's mainly because you used to go out, but also mainly because of the whole situation with the light.
Yeah, but the last thing you want to see when you're hooking up is your ex in the same room.
Yeah, and you also don't want to be startled by a light, do you? Hmm.
May I interject? - Hmm? - What do you think of this? It's good.
I'm getting them for the building.
- Right.
- I just think she found it off-putting.
Do you want to give it a shot? - All right.
- Just a It doesn't work.
Okay, guys, band meeting.
Bret? - Yep? - Jemaine? - Jemaine? - Well, yeah, obviously.
Here? Well, you're here? I'm here, so why do I have to say that I'm here? It's just so I've got it all written down, you know.
Yeah, but I'm here, so if you can see me here Murray, present.
See? Even if I do it.
It's just how we do it.
So how was, uh, Dave's party? - Oh it was good.
- Mmm, it wasn't that good.
You're both aware I wasn't invited? No.
Jemaine, did you know? You did know? - Yeah.
- You know, eh? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Thanks.
"Jemaine knew.
" Item one: Fan base; Ways to increase the American fan base.
What fan base? - The fan base of the band.
- You mean Mel? That's not a fan base, that's just a woman.
Yeah, but I'm calling it a fan base from now on.
It's just easier when I call, because if you say, "Oh, the fan will be there," they can tell there's only one person.
I'm trying to make it look bigger.
It's a base put "base" on the end of it, okay? - That sounds good.
- It sounds better.
- I came up with that.
- Do we have any gigs, Murray? Yeah, I'm getting to that.
I've got a lot on my plate, Jemaine.
I'm not just a band manager.
- Murray? - Yeah.
Uh, I wanted you to okay the new subway poster.
Oh wow, Greg.
What about another exclamation mark? I don't think that's necessary.
Not necessary, no.
That's good.
What happened with the gig at the Aquarium? It was kind of a misunderstanding.
Um, there was a typo in the ad.
It was sand they wanted.
Sand, you know, It looks like a "B," but it was an "S.
" But I sent the demo.
So the good news is that, uh they liked it.
They might play it in the lobby.
- Okay, that's positive.
- Item two that's it.
Have you guys got any ideas? - Uh, music video.
- Oh, a nice one, Bret.
I was just going to say the same one.
Okay, nice one, Jemaine and Bret.
I can take Friday afternoon off, no worries.
- Don't we need more money for - Helen? Hey it's, uh, it's Murray Hewitt.
Yeah.
Good.
Can I get Friday afternoon off? Right.
All right, thanks.
Yep.
How does Saturday morning sound? Oh, hey guys.
- Hey, Mel.
- Hey, Mel.
Hey, whoa.
Crazy meeting you here, huh? What, outside our house? Yeah! Bret! You're so funny.
I love your sense of humor.
What are you doing down Mr.
Lee's stairwell? Jogging.
Hey, where were you guys on Tuesday? I went to your gig.
I was at the Aquarium for hours just waiting.
They wouldn't let me stay after 1:00 a.
m.
, but, um - what time did you guys play? - It was canceled.
Oh, that sucks! That's bullshit! Well, the fish were beautiful.
They were breeding it's mating season and I I saw fish make love.
- I don't think we want to hear that.
- No, it's really interesting.
Actually, you know quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners We have to go now, Mel.
Where? - Um - Home.
That's right.
Yeah yeah.
You you just came from home.
Yeah, we're just popping out for a second and then, um, that's all we were going to do just get some air.
- Mmm.
- Oh.
We always have such a fun time when we're hanging out together.
Awesome.
It's a good cake, man.
It doesn't make any difference Isabella.
- I don't want cake - It's top quality.
- Get out.
I don't want your cake! - 20 bucks.
Give me the TV.
What an idiot, trying to sell me a cake.
- It was a beautiful cake.
- Yeah, it was.
So did you guys have fun at the party? - Oh, amazing fun.
- It was okay.
I'm sorry I couldn't make it, Dave.
But I, uh, wasn't invited.
Oh, that's okay.
Hey, Jemaine, how'd it go with Sally? Yeah, pretty good.
- I, uh - Yeah? Not that well.
You and her used to go out before, didn't you? No, that was me.
She went out with me.
Oh.
Oh! Hey, Jemaine, I don't know how they do things back in England New Zealand.
Yeah, whatever.
I don't really give a shit.
But the point is, going out with your best friend's ex-girlfriend while you still live with your best friend, that kind of thing would be considered a little weird here in the U.
S.
Actually it'd be quite weird in New Zealand as well.
Jemaine, you should think about that.
I've told you when you're in a band, you don't get with your bandmate's girlfriend, past or present.
- Yes, thanks for that.
- You get a love triangle.
You know? Fleetwood Mac situation.
Well, there was four of them so more of a love square, but, you know, no one gets on.
Okay, I see.
Mind you, they did make some of their best music back then.
- "Rumors.
" - No, that's all true.
Well, the thing is Bret's cool with it.
- I'm not that cool with it.
- If Bret's cool with it, that's fine.
Have you got any video cameras, David? - Sure, what's your budget? - Budget? You mean you need to bring in a budget? Like, how much do you want to spend? Do you want a printed-out budget? No, I want to know how much money you want to spend I haven't worked it all out.
We haven't got much money.
And action! I don't think that's a proper camera, Murray.
- Yeah, a mobile-phone camera.
- I think it's mostly a phone.
It's not what they'd use on a music video though.
It's what's we're using, isn't it? It's all I've got.
It's taking good footage.
- You look good.
- Is it? - Yeah.
- Okay.
What are these supposed to be? Those are your function buttons for the robot.
- They look like nipples.
- Don't touch them! I spent ages making these, guys.
It looks good.
Now let's just start again.
That's all I had.
It doesn't look like Daft Punk.
We wanted ones like Daft Punk.
I don't know who he is.
You're just robots from the future, all right? Try not to walk so funky, Bret, because you're try and make it less cool.
More like you know, electronic hide your neck.
Put your that's right.
Okay.
# The distant future, the distant future # # It is the distant future, the year 2000 # # We are robots # # The world is very different # # Ever since the robotic uprising # # of the mid-'90s # # There is no more unhappiness # # Affirmative # # We no longer say "yes" # # Instead we say "affirmative" # # Yes, affirmative # # Unless it's a more colloquial situation # # With a few robo-friends # # There is only one kind of dance # # The robot # # And the robo-boogie # # Oh yes # # Two kinds of dances # # Finally, robotic beings rule the world # # The humans are dead # # The humans are dead # # We used poisonous gases # # And we poisoned their asses # - # The humans are dead # - # He's right they are dead # - # The humans are dead # - # They look like they're dead # - # It had to be done # - # I'll just confirm they're dead # # So that we could have fun # # Affirmative, I poked one, it was dead.
# It's just that I think she might be the one.
- Sally? - Yeah.
What makes you think that? You just know.
When it happens to you, you'll know.
- You said Michelle was the one.
- Yeah, she's the one.
- You said Claire was the one.
- Yeah, she's another one.
So you get more than one "one"? Some people are lucky.
I've had a few ones.
So how many ones can you have? Five.
- How many have you had? - Three.
How many have you had? Just one.
Just one.
Yep, okay.
Okay, well, I'll see you later then.
Okay, bye.
Hey, um, Bret? Do you think it would be okay if Sally and I had the apartment to ourselves tonight? - What for? - Some time alone.
Mmm, I was going to be working on my secret project.
Your helmet that looks like your hair? - Yes.
- How's that going? It's going pretty good.
I still need to get more body in the hair.
- It pretty much looks like a helmet.
- Right.
Well, could you do that tomorrow night? It's helmet-hair night, man, not really.
I mean, I've been thinking about it for ages.
It's on the board.
You know about it.
You said you were going to help actually.
Because I can't really see what I'm doing when I've got it on.
There's nothing booked on any other night.
- Why don't you - It's just Could you swap it for Tuesday night or - the other nights? - Well how about you just maybe don't go out with Sally so I can hang out with you guys? That'd be good.
What are you talking about? I can't hang out with you guys, can I? It's a bit weird now.
Of course you can hang out with us.
Come to dinner with us tonight.
I don't want to go on a date with you and my ex-girlfriend.
It's going to be that's going to be weird.
- It won't be weird.
- That is going to be weird, man.
It won't be weird, we're all friends.
I like Sally.
You like Sally.
She used to like you.
She really likes me.
- You like me.
- I suppose I do.
It won't be weird.
- No, it's going to be weird.
- It won't be weird.
- That is going to be weird.
- It won't be weird.
- It will be weird.
- It won't be weird.
- It will be weird.
- It won't be weird.
You know, it is actually a bit weird with you here, Bret.
Yeah, I should go.
I'll go.
It's fine, it's fine.
Bret Bret was saying that it was going to be weird with him here and I I said it wouldn't be weird, but it is a bit weird.
Oh.
- Eh? - Yeah, it is a bit.
Um, it was nice to see you, Sally.
- You look beautiful.
- Bret, this is my date.
It's just feelings.
You do look beautiful, I was just about to say that.
- I think I'll probably go.
- No, stay.
Actually it's just like when Bret and I went out - and you were always around.
- I've ordered my main, I'll stay.
- I think you should go.
- Yeah, I should go.
It's a bit weird.
Um I wouldn't have ordered the duck.
I spent all my money on the duck.
Would you be able to bring the duck home? - Yeah, yep.
- Okay.
Yeah, I'll go and nice to see you.
- Bye, Bret.
- See you.
- Yeah, bye, Bret.
- You'll bring the duck? Yeah, I'll bring the duck.
- That was weird, wasn't it? - Yeah, a little.
- Hi, Bret.
Are you okay? - Oh, hey, Mel.
- Jemaine's on a date with Sally, right? - Yeah.
How does that make you feel? Not good.
Bret, don't worry about Sally.
I never thought she was right for you anyway.
What didn't you like about Sally? Well, I haven't actually met Sally.
I just sometimes I think the thing you're looking for is often standing right in front of your eyes.
What are you going to do tonight? Uh, I'm not sure.
Mel, can we go now? We've been here for 21/2 hours.
- Is that Doug? - That's Doug.
Don't worry about him.
Just 'cause I'm married to Doug doesn't mean I can't be here for you.
- Thanks, Mel.
- You can tell me anything.
Anything.
I promise I won't think you're a pervert.
Okay.
Thanks.
Have I shown you my picture of Jemaine's lips? - No.
- I have it here in my wallet.
Look.
Those are my cousins, and there that's that's Jemaine's lips.
- Oh yeah, that's them.
- Mel, we really have to go now.
We said we'd call your mom and she'll go to bed soon.
You should go.
I'm fine.
I'll be fine.
- Good seeing you, Bret.
- See you, Doug.
- See you see you, Mel.
- Yeah.
Bret, don't worry about Sally, all right? Whenever I was watching the two of you it was obvious that you were more into her than she was into you.
- Really? - Yeah, you could really tell.
She always looked kind of bored.
Oh.
Thanks, Mel.
Hey.
- Take care.
- See you.
I was thinking maybe we could go somewhere special this weekend.
What was that place you went to with Bret that sounded romantic and and cheap? I'm not sure.
I'm I'm quite busy at the moment.
You know what? I've left duck juice all down your top.
- I don't think we should go out again.
- It's really oily.
You're probably going to need to get that dry-cleaned.
- Bret should pay for it really.
- Don't worry about my top.
Okay, that's good.
I don't think we should see each other again.
I think it's best if we just pretend this never happened.
- Maybe we could have a break? - A break? No, there's there's no relationship.
Yet.
We could start with a break.
It's not it's not going to work.
I'm usually more charismatic than this.
No, um, it's not that.
It's just that I don't know, I was just looking for a bit of fun this summer, you know? And when I met you at that party, I was drunk.
- I was really drunk.
- So, you're leaving, aren't you? You looked kind of cute when I was drunk.
I knew it.
When you said just then when you told me you were leaving, that's when I definitely knew.
Maybe what I really want is an Australian.
But if you're trying to break my heart Maybe you guys know some your plan is flawed from the start.
I already broke up with Bret, so I already broke up with you You can't break my heart, it's liquid.
It melted when I met you.
If you think about it, we're not really breaking up now - Mmm, hmmm.
because we never really went out.
- And as you turn around to leave - Jemaine? don't turn back to me.
Don't turn around and see if I'm crying I'm not crying.
# I'm not crying # # It's just been raining # # On my face # # And if you think you see some tear tracks down my cheeks # # Please # # Please # # Don't tell my mates # # I'm not crying # # No, I'm not crying # # And if I am crying # # It's not because of you # # It's because I'm thinking about friend of mine # # That you don't know who is dying # # That's right, dying # # These aren't tears of sadness # # Because you're leaving me # # I've just been cutting onions # # I'm making a lasagna # # For one # # Oh, I'm not crying # # No # # There's just a little bit of dust in my eye # # Dust from the path that you made # # When you said your goodbye # # I'm not weeping because you won't be here to hold my hand # # For your information # # There's an inflammation in my tear gland # # I'm not upset because you left me this way # # My eyes are just a little sweaty today # # They've been looking around a lot # # Searching for you # # They've been looking for you # # Even though I told them not to # # These aren't tears of sadness # # They're tears of joy # # I'm just laughing # - # Ha # - # Ha # - # Ha # - # Ha # # Ha # # I'm sitting at this table called love # # Staring down at the irony of life # # How come we've reached this fork in the road # # And yet it cuts like a knife? # # I'm not crying # # I'm not cry-y-y-y-y-y-y-ing # - # Yeah # - # No.
# Me and Sally had to break up.
- Really? - Yeah.
It wasn't working.
I can see why you broke with her.
She was hard work.
Oh no, she broke up with me.
Yeah.
She broke up with me too.
That's what I mean it was hard work staying together with her - wanting to break up all the time.
- Oh, okay.
Didn't you break up and then get back together for a while? Mm, yeah.
Well, for like, six or seven weeks.
And then, you know boring.
How did you do that? - Do what? - Get back together.
Oh, it just happened.
Mmm, where? Um, at her place.
I cooked dinner, you know.
Mmm.
What did you cook? Are you trying to get back together with Sally? No.
Just making chitchat.
Oh, okay.
Macaroni.
Yeah.
# Can't we just talk to the humans? # # A little understanding could make things better # # Can't we talk to the humans and work together now? # - # No, because they are dead # - # Binary solo # # 0000001 # # 00000011 # # 000000111 # - # 0000001111 # - # Oh # - # 0000001 # - # Oh oh # - # 00000011 # - # Oh oh # - # 000000111 # - # Come on, sucker # - # Lick my battery # - # Boogie # - # Boogie # - # Robo-boogie # # Boogie, robo-boogie # # The humans are dead # # Once again without emotion # # The humans are # # Dead-dead-dead-dead-dead #