Frasier s09e11 Episode Script

Terrance, we're nearing the end of our programme, and we haven't gotten to the heart of your problem.
TERRANCE [ON PHONE.]
: I guess I'm just sick of being single.
I mean, I'm almost 40.
What kind of loser am I? A single man in his 40s is not a loser.
TERRANCE: I said I'm almost 40.
Don't make it sound worse than it is.
- Can I jump in here, Frasier? - Please.
Listen, Terrance, I know that I'm not as old as you, or Frasier, but I've been through plenty of heartache and loneliness.
I remember thinking, "Love is never gonna come to me.
" So I gave up.
And that is when a handsome, sweet-hearted man named Roger jumped off his garbage truck and into my life.
And I have been deliriously happy ever since.
And I feel sure that the same thing will happen for you.
TERRANCE: I have to give up on love first? No, I'm saying don't give up.
TERRANCE: But you said you met this garbage man after you gave up.
Terrance, I think what Roz is trying to say is that whether we seek love or not, we are always at the mercy of its mysterious rhythm.
- Exactly.
TERRANCE: That's not what she said.
I think we know why this guy's still single.
This is Dr.
Frasier Crane saying good day, Seattle, and good mental health.
- Your dad called during the segment.
- Oh, great.
- Here's the number.
- Thank you.
He's working the early shift today.
We're gonna have dinner together this evening.
Oh, I'm going out to dinner too.
Yes.
With Roger.
You mentioned that.
Did I tell you he's taking me on a moonlight picnic? Yes, you did.
- In a canoe? - Check.
How romantic is that? He said all I had to bring was my appetite for caviar and affection.
I told him to bring his appetite because I'll be wearing my edible Dad.
Hi.
Yeah, uh, listen, um, I've made our reservation for, uh? - Oh.
- Sorry, Roz.
Yes.
Thanks.
Yes, hello, is Martin Crane there, please? Dad, hi.
Look, I made a reservation for, uh, 7:30, so I'll pick you up around 7:15, all right? And Oh.
Oh, dear.
Hey, you know what? Why don't I stop by with a pizza? Okay, great.
I'll see you then.
Bye.
More flowers from Roger.
And you have to hear this poem he wrote me.
Hang on a second, Dad.
I, uh I've gotta get a pen.
I'll write that down.
Sorry, Roz.
Good night, Marty.
See you tomorrow, Babs.
- Hey, mister.
Pizza delivery.
- Hey, you made it.
Oh, that smells good.
What kind did you get? Oh, I had my heart set on a ham-and-cheeser.
Oh, you were just messing with me.
Good one, Fras.
FRASIER: There you are.
MARTIN: Ha-ha-ha.
- Uh-oh.
My boss is coming.
- Where? I can see him on the monitors.
I'd love to meet him.
How many times do I have to tell you to stay off this damn frequency? Uh, maybe you could just go read the directory for a minute.
Uh-uh.
- Food has to stay out of sight, Crane.
- Oh, right.
- Oh, I'll take a slice though.
- Oh, sure.
Hey, did you notice anyone messing with the camera in the East Tower? That was me.
The way it was pointed, you couldn't really see the stairs.
So you left your post? - I thought that it made more sense - We don't pay you to think, Crane.
We pay you to watch the monitors and keep the sign-in sheet in order.
We also pay you to button the top button on your shirt.
See you tomorrow, fellas.
- Good night.
- Good night, now.
Maybe when you were a cop, you could play fast and loose with the rules.
But here at Keckner Security, regulations have to be followed.
Yes, sir.
Do you want to look over the sign-in sheet? Do you need any help? Oh.
Uh, I'm I'm sorry, no.
No, thank you.
You hate to ask for help, huh? You know what people who never ask questions never get? Answers.
[CHUCKLES.]
Very interesting.
Yes, uh Oh, there it is.
Uh, UCB Industries.
- You're a UCB man? - Yes.
- I'm with DNR Associates.
- Ah.
So I guess, uh, technically, we shouldn't be talking, but, uh, who takes that corporate competition stuff seriously anymore? I do.
Ah.
Look, Crane, you really want to put that busy brain of yours to work, why don't you mastermind a way to lift the pizza stain out of your tie? I can't believe the way that guy talked to you.
Oh, it's no big deal.
Why don't you just go home? - But he has no right to do that.
- Just go home.
All right.
- I'll see you there.
MARTIN: Okay.
Well, this is awkward.
Especially with the, uh, Reliance Bearings account up for grabs.
But whoever wins it, wins it.
Good luck.
Don't you mean congratulations? - You're kidding.
- An hour ago.
Don't they ever cc you guys on this stuff? NILES: You're not exaggerating? I tell you, Niles, I stood there slack-jawed as Dad was reprimanded like an errant child.
Maybe his boss was having a tough day and needed someone to take it out on.
Sometimes an employer gets so caught up in his own world that he I mean, after all, this is a man who served his country in Korea, who had a distinguished career as a detective, and yet he is being treated the way you would treat a grocery-store bag boy.
What does that mean? Don't play coy with me just because Daphne's here.
I have seen you when your avocados are packed under your ice cream.
Excuse me.
That young man was on drugs, and everyone in the store knew it.
MARTIN: Hey.
NILES: Hey, Dad.
FRASIER: Dad.
- Mr.
Crane.
How was work today? Oh, same old, same old.
Boy, I'm beat.
Eight hours of staring at those monitors can really wear you out.
Ah.
So, Dad, did you speak with your supervisor? Oh, don't start this again.
Everything's fine.
Dad, after the way that man eviscerated you? That's just Rich.
He's one of those tough guys.
It's no big deal.
You're a tough guy.
Why don't you set him straight? I'm not gonna talk back to my boss.
You have to respect the chain of command.
It's not easy, but that's the way I've always done it.
- So you're gonna sit there and take it? - Come on, Fras.
We're men.
We know how to gut these things out.
We don't whine and cry.
You know that.
Ha! How true.
You do know that, Dr.
Crane.
I'll bet the owner of the company would like to know how this Rich is behaving.
The owner of the company is Rich's son.
Nepotism, huh? God, this problem just keeps getting bigger and bigger.
- It's not a problem.
- Dad Frasier, would you listen? He said it's not a problem.
Dad's more than capable of handling himself.
- Thank you.
- You see? He thinks you're out of line.
- No, I just - No, Dad, Dad, I got this.
You've gotta have at least some kind of plan to deal with this guy.
I've got a plan.
Once Rich knows I'm not fighting, he'll drop it.
Which is what you guys are gonna do.
Now I'm tired of talking about this.
See? Now you've made Dad tired.
- Can it, Niles.
- And cranky.
[CHATTERING.]
- Frasier Crane, right? - Ah, yes, yes.
I'm Charlie Keckner of Keckner Security.
Mr.
Keckner, nice to meet you.
Please sit down.
- Would you like some coffee? - Nothing for me, thanks.
- Thank you for meeting me like this.
- No problem.
I like face-to-facing with new clients, especially those in the public eye who need the kind of custom-tailored security that we specialise in.
So, what is it? Stalker, blackmailer, random nut job? I'm sorry, but I'm not actually in the market for security services.
Oh, that's strange.
Because your phone message said: "I'm in the market for security services.
" Yes, I can see how that may have been misleading.
I, uh I wanted to meet you in person because I have, uh, a matter of some delicacy to discuss with you.
My father works for your company, and I understand your father does as well.
What does this have to do with anything? Well, it seems that your dad has been picking on my dad.
What? That doesn't sound like my dad.
Well, perhaps you don't know your dad as well as you think you do.
I saw the whole thing.
Well, huh, maybe my dad was just defending himself.
Did your dad provoke him? No, no.
I can assure you that your dad started it.
None of the other guards has any trouble with my dad.
Maybe your dad needs to toughen up a little.
My father fought in Korea.
Did he? Or did you fight the Koreans for him? Now, Charlie, I'm sure a man of your inspired leadership has resolved conflicts between employees before.
- Hmm? - Sure.
It's that kind of enlightened management that has made the name Keckner synonymous with security.
- All right, I'll look into it.
- Thank you so much.
If you don't mind, could we keep this meeting between us? I'd hate to have my father think I went behind his back.
You're asking me to conceal something from my own father? I don't know if I can do that.
On the other hand, if you were a client, I'd be obligated to keep this confidential.
If you're implying what I think you are, Mr.
Keckner, I hope for your sake you brought some brochures.
Please.
All right.
Good night.
- Hey, Rich.
- Hey, buddy.
- Everything all right here? - Uh, sure.
Nothing to complain about, then? No.
Want some coffee? No, no, no.
I keep my eating and drinking to the break room.
That way nobody complains.
Oh.
Okay.
Uh, I could use your initials on my time card, if you've got a sec.
Oh, for you, I've got all night.
And I'll be sure to do it neatly so there'll be no complaints.
Okay, what's going on? You tell me.
My son chewed me out for being too tough on the guards.
I wonder who might have put him up to that.
- It could have been any of the guys.
- I think it was you.
- It wasn't me.
I'm not a complainer.
- Good.
Then you won't complain about doing a few graveyard shifts next week.
- No problem.
- Good.
How's Tuesday, Wednesday work for you? - Actually, that's not so good.
- Oh.
Then how's Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday? Better.
Hey, Niles.
- Hey, Daphne.
- Hi, Roz.
I called you this morning.
Where were you? Sleeping.
Mr.
Crane's been working the overnight shift.
It's thrown my whole schedule off.
Oh.
Roger and I have been working overnight too, if you know what I mean.
Let me grab a muffin and I'll tell you all about it.
- Grab one for me too.
- Okay.
So I can stick it in my ears.
I'm a little tired of hearing about it.
You're tired? I've heard double whatever you have.
Did you know Roger wrote her a song to the tune of "I Believe I Can Fly"? I do now, don't I? Look, let's just not talk about Roger this one time, okay? That's impossible.
She brings everything back to him.
- Well, just leave it to me.
- Oh, good luck.
So, what are you guys talking about? Um, mediaeval French history.
- I've always wanted to see Paris.
- Mm-hm.
Thank you.
Roger says he's gonna take me there someday.
He says you haven't truly made love - Oh, look at this.
- What? It says interest rates might go down again.
Just when we thought the interest couldn't get any lower.
I don't know about interest rates and all that garbage.
Oops.
It's a good thing Roger didn't hear that.
He doesn't like it when I use garbage in a derogatory way.
Of course, he always forgives me.
Isn't he a doll? Oh, you know, speaking of dolls, I understand the Nordic Heritage Museum is planning a huge retrospective of Icelandic dolls of the 19th century.
Hmm.
Is the Nordic Museum the one near Sunset Hill? Roger and I had the best bottle of wine there NILES: No.
The Nordic Museum is in Ballard.
Oh, I guess I don't know that place after all.
Hmm.
That exhibit sounds fascinating, Niles.
When is it? - February 14th.
- Valentine's Day? I guess I won't be there.
Roger and I are spending the whole day together.
He says it's going to be full of romantic surprises.
But he gives me a romantic surprise every single day.
- This morning - I know girl talk when I hear it.
Excuse me.
Girl talk? He's the one going to a doll museum.
- Forget your coffee.
Let's get out.
- What? And leave Daphne? It's too late for her.
We have to keep moving.
Niles, I can't.
I'm meeting Dad here in a few minutes.
His schedule's been so topsy-turvy I haven't seen him in days.
Still having trouble with his supervisor? Well, yes.
Yes, but I believe we'll be hearing some good news on that front, no thanks to you.
What does that mean? Let's just say I took appropriate action.
After Dad asked you to butt out? If you had seen the way this man treated Dad, I swear to God, you would have done the same thing.
- Perhaps.
- Thank you.
I just wonder if you're doing this for Dad or for yourself.
- What are you on about now? - Well, I just think it's telling that the whole thing bothers you a lot more than it bothers Dad.
You can't stand to see him being bossed because to you, he's always been this larger-than-life figure.
And you're desperate to keep that image intact.
More importantly, why is that man staring at us? That's Sanchez, my bodyguard.
It's only on a trial basis.
It's a long story.
Oh, Dad.
How you doing? I'm mad as hell, that's how I'm doing.
I just got beeped.
Rich wants me to work tonight.
I'm gonna have to cancel our dinner.
- You haven't had a day off.
- I know.
He thinks I went over his head to complain about him, so now he's really turning up the heat.
No kidding.
As if things weren't bad enough for you already, Dad.
MARTIN: Yeah, I know.
I used to take pride working through tough spots like this, but I don't know if it's worth it this time.
- Dad, I'm so sorry.
- Oh, it's nobody's fault.
I'm just getting too old for this sort of stuff.
And if he keeps up with it, I'm gonna call it quits.
But that's a horrible idea.
You can't run from these kinds of problems.
It only encourages the tormentors Where are you going? I'm gonna grab a quick nap before my shift starts.
I'm trying to help you decide what to do.
I know, that's what reminded me to take a nap.
Well done, Frasier.
All right.
My plan backfired.
I guess there's only one option left.
- Tell Dad the truth.
- All right, two options.
- I gotta go and speak directly to Rich.
- Don't you ever learn? He needs to know that Dad is not the one who complained.
Niles, come with me.
The two of us can help him together.
Forget it.
You know how I feel about this.
You're on your own.
- Good news, dear.
- Hmm? Roz is gonna join us for shopping today.
Oh, no, I just promised Frasier I'd help him with something.
You know what Roger says is the most erotic organ? - The mind? - No.
FRASIER: Well, he's not even here.
I can't believe this.
I mean, after the way he came down on Dad for doing the very same thing.
I am not by nature a violent man, but I swear, if I have to, I will page Sanchez.
Okay, come down in front up here.
- I think you need to calm down.
- Yes, yes, you're right.
I came here to talk to the man.
- Still, the blood runs hot.
- I know.
That's him.
That's him.
RICH: Let me ask you something.
Do they pay you to fix the elevator or just spread your tools all over my lobby? You ever hear of putting down a drop cloth? By letting Dad handle this himself, you'd be empowering him.
And isn't that really the greatest gift of all? I came down here to stand up to that man.
- The time for running is past.
MARTIN: Drive safely.
- Dad's here.
- Oh, God, we can't let him see us.
Come on.
- Hey, Rich.
- Hey, Crane.
You're early.
Yeah, I thought I'd get a head start on the checkpoints.
Well, la-di-da.
Great.
Now what? Dad says he makes his rounds every 20 minutes.
We'll wait till the next one and then slip out then.
- Whoa, what's this? - What's what? There's two guys in the storage room.
- Stay here.
I'll take care of it.
- Oh, no, no! Why not? MARTIN: Those are my kids.
What the hell are they doing in the storage room? I don't know, but knowing them, they probably came down to fight my battle for me.
What battle? With you.
They know we don't get along.
Wait a minute, they wouldn't be the ones who complained about me, would they? Well, I wouldn't be surprised.
They're always sticking their noses into my business.
That sounds like my kid.
He thinks just because I work for him, he's my boss.
- Can you hear anything? - No.
But I guarantee you, Rich is being a jerk.
- I wish Dad would tell this guy off.
- That would make Dad feel better? I don't know, but it would make me feel a lot better.
So this is all about you.
To some extent.
All right, to a great extent.
It's just that all our lives Dad's been the guy in charge.
I just hate to see him powerless like this.
Well, how can you call him powerless? The minute you saw him, you ran into a storage closet.
That's true.
You're a grown man, and you're still scared.
You're a grown man, you're scared of him too.
- Yeah, well, at least I have a girlfriend.
- Shut up.
- Do you smell ammonia? - Hmm? - Yes.
- What is that? Ammonia.
The thing fell 19 storeys and landed right in front of me on the sidewalk.
That That's nothing.
My kid ran over my foot while I was sweeping the driveway.
[LAUGHING.]
The scary thing is that generation's gonna be running the country.
- Not as long as I'm voting, Marty.
- Ain't that the truth.
What are the geniuses doing now? RICH: One of them's trying to breathe through the crack under the door.
[MARTIN AND RICH LAUGHING.]
Oh, for God's sake, Niles, get up.
There's plenty of air.
[CELL PHONE RINGING.]
[WHISPERING.]
Hello? MARTIN [ON PHONE.]
: Hey, Fras, it's me.
Dad, hi.
Why you whispering? FRASIER [ON PHONE.]
: I'm in a very quiet restaurant.
Yes, I'll have the pan-seared ahi with the ginger-mushroom cream sauce.
And, uh, for a starter, I'd like the sesame-tempura string beans.
- And for the lady? - Shut up.
FRASIER: Sorry about that, Dad.
- Oh, no problem.
So, uh, Dad, uh, when are you starting your rounds? I don't know.
Let me ask.
Uh, Rich, should I start my rounds now? RICH [ON PHONE.]
: You'd like that, wouldn't you? You're staying here! You hear that, Fras? No rounds.
Guess I'm just stuck here at the desk for five hours.
Tough break.
MARTIN: Well, I'll see you later.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE.]